READ THE BEST ZOMBIE STORIES IN THIS ISSUE!*
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the voice
an official harvard college student publication. everything harvard.
ISSUE 12 nov 13h, 2008
www.theHvoice.com
LOVE CHARITY
your weekly agenda
VITTORIO BASSI’S SPECIAL REPORT ON COLLEGE IN ITALY VS. HARVARD:
“No meetings or final clubs. And we drink less.” WHERE DO YOU EAT?
EXCLUSIVE DESIGNERS Rats and dirty knives PREVIEW! in Square restaurants INSIDE one-night stands, dark secrets of the Voice, A. Doubet
2 campus buzz
between, after or during class.
office hours: TF Arjun Suri
your weekly agenda
shows festivals culture concerts parties lectures sports
LEM SETS...
NEVERMIND THE PROB
Friday November 14th
None of us have answers to global health problems The Voice went for Office Hours with Arjun Suri, class of ‘07 and TF in the class Anthropology 1825 – Health, Culture, and Community: Case Studies in Global Health. We got wiser!
I was shocked to see how much learning comes out of teaching and how much more fun it is. It’s a different type of work and stress - not about trying to get an “A” on a paper but about knowing what an “A” paper looks like - that has let me focus on the material in a way that I wasn’t able to as a student.
1. As a former Harvard undergrad, what is your favorite class at Harvard? Social Studies 10 - the hardest, 3. How “It’s most paindoes it feel hard for me ful, yet most to be on to sleep at night rewar ding the other without a Felipe’s class I’ve. side of the burrito.” I’m still class? relying on Teaching the things I in a field like learned in that global health class in what I that’s so new and teach now. evolving means staying just a few steps ahead 2. Does being a TF of your students. What make you want to become you’re doing is helping a professor, later on in them ask better and betyour life? ter questions - none of us Unexpectedly, yes. really have the answers They say that college right now. professors have amongst the highest rates of job 4. How do you see the satisfaction of any pro- average Harvard student fession and I completely involved in global health understand why. I always issues? thought learning was fun. I think most
people on campus actually do care about social justice issues like global health but the challenge they face is a crisis of selfefficacy: can I really do anything to help such a daunting set of problems? The answer is yes and everything from advocacy to fundraising to direct service is part of the answer. Organizations like the Harvard AIDS Coalition and Project HEALTH are doing great things to combine these efforts and get as many Harvard students as possible involved. 6. What’s your favorite place to eat at Harvard sq.? It’s actually hard for me to sleep at night without a Felipe’s burrito in my stomach. 7. If you had to take a Harvard faculty member for a beer, who would it be? Why? Amartya Sen. He’s truly brilliant. I’m inspired by the way he thinks about the fate of the global poor. I’d love to see him unwind with a few beers.
Boston book extravaganza! Friday-Sunday 2008 at Hynes Convention Center One of the oldest antiquarian books shows in the country hosts over 120 rare book dealers from the United States, Germany, and the Netherlands who sell beautiful rare and collectible items, including first editions, manuscripts, maps, atlases, autographs and even fine prints. If you want to build that gorgeous library you always wanted, here’s the place to do it.
Saturday November 15th
Suddenly, last summer Wednesday-Saturday 8pm at the Loeb-X Tennessee William’s last work with one of his most disturbed characters, Violet Venable, tries to forget about her son’s homosexuality. The poignant story debuted on Broadway in 2006 after it was already a major motion picture with Katherine Hepburn and Elizabeth Taylor. As always, the Loeb delivers unique perspectives on Classic, Modern and Fringe Theater.
Assassins Show 8pm at Loeb Mainstage Sondheim’s brilliant comic tragedy entices viewers with brilliant music and the intriguing stories of men and women, from John Wilkes Booth to John Hinckley Jr., who dared to try to assassinate past presidents. Harvard’s production of the Broadway classic is not something to be missed.
Friday, November 14th
ts n e v e com! e r i o . e m c i t o ou heHv k c e ch www.t at
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Cavalli’s L’ormindo Opera Thursday-Saturday 8pm at The New College Theater Matinee November 16 at 2pm. This witty, exotic, and comedic opera is presented by The Harvard Early Music Society. Set in Morocco, the baroque opera is sure to wow the audience with singing and the period-instrument ensemble. Tickets available at The Harvard Box Office.
Thursday November 13th
Sex Ed: The Sequel
Dr. Diggs—no, sorry, not Tay Diggs, but don’t stop reading. Dr. Diggs comments on campus hookup culture in this talk. This real doctor of more than 16 years of clinical experience in diverse communities from New England to California has made appearances on many radio programs and television shows such as MSNBC, Fox News, and “The O’Reilly Factor.” This accomplished man will speak on the current “dating” scene and what it means for sex culture today.
4 campus buzz
between, after or during class.
Voice Editor Biran share explores suprising sides of the fashion business in Boston ahead of our own Project East
Jay Calderin: Think creatively and intelectually about fashion Always fun, friendly and interesting, Jay is the director of Boston Fashion Week BY BRIAN SHEN
feels like it won’t let Always fun, itself think about because friendly and interesting, fashion it’s not intellecJay Calderin is not just a talented designer but tual enough—but I also the director of Bos- think this is slowly What ton Fashion Week. After changing. have done a two-year hiatus he put we this year is creinto action what he realate these educaized before: Boston’s very own fashion week needed tional workshops a revamp and a complete at adult education re-conceptualization to centers, where we make it distinctly Bos- can get people to ton. “[Boston] can’t try think creatively to be like any other city, and intellectually fashion,” like New York, or Lon- about don. Everyone seems to says Calderin. He be so focused on Bryant cites the various Park, but, really, that’s scientific commujust a small part of what nities and univerFashion Week is. It’s re- sities as strong ally a time when there points in the are shows, panels, work- city and because shops and other intellec- of these strong tually stimulating events points, fashion throughout the city at has always been clubs, bars, restaurants— in a shadow. B u t but if you can have a big that’s not for budget production of a long. Boston’s show, like at Bryant Park, Fashion with money for the We e k tents and the light design, then “It’s you’re going to hard for me have a show to sleep at night that is of a without a Felipe’s certain qualburrito.” ity and that image sells.” B u t there are these other components of Fashion Week in New York City and elsewhere that Calderin has adapted to Boston’s discerning intellectual audience. “Boston sometimes
midSeptember has its own personality. There are no exclusions to whoever wants to be featured and there are plenty of edu-
good lighting in order to bring down costs and to ensure quality of presentation of the shows, of which some press have been critical. Calderin’s ideas for improvement and really branding Boston Fashion Week as its own event seem to be solidifying and we will soon see the event becoming even more relevant to our community. Fashion is increasingly popular on our own campus, and Jay has been here to help it along. Over the last few weeks, he has been at Harvard speaking about the future of fashion and advising student designers about how to continue with their careers.
Project East
cational functions where people can learn more about fashion as an industry. Although fashion here in Boston may seem
a little more serious and intellectual, Calderin also doesn’t want to exclude the youth who are drawn to the glamour. Projects
are in the works for next year’s fashion week, where shows may be put on at a single venue, like a chic bar or club, with
Professional designers from all over the world show off their clothing, all for a good cause: proceeds go to Artists for Humanity. And also, this year Issey Miyake will show his clothing for the first time on a runway other than his own in Paris—at Harvard.
Up Close and Personal: Who is Jay Calderin? Occupation(s): fashion designer, artist, Director of Creative Marketing/ Instructor at School of Fashion Design, Executive Director of Boston Fashion Week, Big Brothers of Massachusetts Bay Favorite Designer: Madeleine Vionnet, who was the first to utilize the bias cut, which is a technique that
allows the fabric to cling to the body while moving with it. “When the fabric she used was on hanger, it would look like a pile of rags, but when a woman stepped into it, it filled out just looked so graceful.” Interesting Story: “When I was working as a journalist and a photographer covering the shows at Bryant
Park, I would try to think about what the Boston audience would want to see, and I would seek out those shows. Then at the show, people would all be competing for getting the show. The photographers are basically like sports photographers—shooting a runway show with all the movement is basically
like shooting a sport. Usually the photographers are nice enough, but I just got lucky, I think. There was one videographer who was shooting at the end of the runway. I asked him if I could craw under his tripod and shoot from there. He was okay with it, so I basically just got all the shots that he got, except
he was getting video, but I was getting stills.” Advice to student designers: “Don’t box yourself into one area. It’s just not possible today. If you do box yourself into one area and aren’t aware of what’s going on in the world, then people will tag you. They will only go to you when they need something
specific.” New Book: “Fit, Form and Fashion” due to debut in October 2009. The book will offer holistic advice on a designer’s career. Calderin describes it as “a general reference for people to use... something to refer back to when thinking about their career.”
5
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6 a deeper look DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE In a special report, exchange student Vittorio Bassi shares his Harvard story
ITALIAN COLLEGE VS. HARVARD
“No meetings, final clubs or student groups. And we don’t drink as much.”
In the time we save by not doing meetings or extracurricular activities, we hang out, go out, party, socialize, take it easy, smoke a cigarette, go to a bar. We chill. SPECIAL REPORT BY:
Vittorio Bassi Shares his unique perspective
Student chilling in an italian piazza
It’s 12 pm, the guys SANE?” then there streets are eerily dark is a high chance that you and quiet. It seems like are a student at an Italian Harvard is asleep. I walk college such as Bocconi, down Plympton street. I the economics school in am relaxed, ready to go Italy I attend. to bed. As I turn on the This is just a tiny street I notice a friend example of how completewalking towards me. ly different Harvard and “Man, what a day!” he Bocconi are, of how difsays upon seeing me, “ 4 ferent the Italian and the classes, 3 sections and 2 American school system meetings. And I still have are. After spending two to write a 10-page paper months month here, I’ve for tomorrow”. Few min- started referring to Harutes later, another friend vard as “the university bumps into us. She says that never sleeps”. laughingly, “Hey Vitto, my The foremost difItalian friend! What’s up?” ference between Harvard I politely ask what she’s and Bocconi is the extent been up to. “I read the to which students keep Bible the whole day today. themselves busy. The It’s for my Hebrew stud- majority of Harvard’s stuies class…then a couple dents are at least twice of meetings, you as busy as the k n o w … Wo o d busiest person bridge...The you’ll manI’ve Vo i c e … b u t age to find started callexcuse me, at Bocconi. ing Harvard “the now I have to We do study university that rush home… there – acnever sleeps.” I have lots tually, we of other stuff study quite due tomorrow!” a lot – but the H o w students over would you react to there are not nearly a conversation like as busy as they seem to be this? If you’d say “Oh, here. this is normal, today I had At Bocconi we do 3 classes, 2 sections, tennis not have all these “clubs”, practice, 2 meetings and 1 all these “societies”, “stupaper due tomorrow” then dent groups”, “organizayou’re probably a Harvard tions” and “final clubs”, student. If you’d say some- and so, as a direct conthing like “WTF? Are you sequence, we don’t have
7
“Bocconi students drink on a daily basis, but they very seldom drink a lot: it is very hard to find a student very drunk at a party.”
what seems to be the most time-consuming of all human activities at Harvard: MEETINGS. Indeed, the average Bocconi student rarely has to deal with the amount of daily meetings that occupy almost everyone’s life on this campus. What do people at Bocconi do, then, if they don’t attend meetings or plan events? It’s simple: we chill. In the time we save by not attending meetings or participating in extracurricular activities, we hang out, go out, party, socialize, take it easy, go to a bar. We meet in the local square for some coffee, watch soccer
games on TV, talk endlessly and animatedly, smoke a couple of cigarettes. We RELAX. Relaxing is the most common extracurricular activity among Bocconi students, and it doesn’t seem to be so popular over here. Another colossal difference between Harvard and Bocconi is drinking. There is a huge dissimilarity in the approach to alcohol at Harvard and Bocconi, both in how much people drink and when people drink. Harvard students tend to drink on rare occasions, but when they drink (weekends), they get heroically wasted. On the oth-
er hand, Bocconi students drink on a daily basis, but they very seldom drink a lot: it is very hard to find a Bocconi student very drunk at a party. More often than not, we drink one or two glasses of nice wine. Being drunk is definitely something not cool at Bocconi: it is considered very childish and is being looked down upon. Drinking games are virtually non-existent at Italian colleges. Names such as “kings”, “seven eleven”, “beer-pong” or “cat-stands” are absolutely unheard of at Bocconi, and even more unheard is the excitement associated with them: at Har-
vard, people scream, run around the “beer pong” table, yell at you if you don’t drink all your beer fast enough, and the ping pong ball keep hitting you everywhere: it’s a total mess, but people love it. There definitely is something appealing about it. Finally, a social difference between Harvard and Bocconi that might seem trivial: the way of saying “hi” to people you meet around campus. Students here seldom stop to actually talk with a person they meet. Most of the times, the conversation is limited to generic questions, “Hi, how are you?” or, “Hey, what’s up?” and the quick answers “Good!” or “Not much!” This doesn’t happen at Bocconi: people stop and talk to you, which usually means being late for class. The weirdest thing about
Harvard is what people re- class?” or, if they are parmark when you tell them ticularly nice, something which class you’re walk- like “Oh…ok, see you lating to. When I say I’m on er!” my way to the Economet- Harvard and Bocrics class, they always an- coni are two very differswer: “Oh, cool!” ent places. It takes some This answer al- time to adjust to the Harways surprises me: what vard way of doing things, is cool about Economet- of living “college” in the rics? You personU.S. sense. But ally may think once you get Econometrics into it, almost You is interesting, eve r y t h i n g can think useful, borchanges it’s useful, hard ing, hard… perspective: or boring. But or something working Econometrics is like that. But hard and gonot cool. there is no ing to meetway you can ings becomes think Econosomething intermetrics is cool. At esting. And drinkBocconi, when you ing games become fun. tell people that you The only thing I yet have are going to your Busito change my opinion ness Accounting class, about is Econometrics: they don’t answer “oh I still do not understand cool”. They are pretty di- what’s “cool” about it. rect, saying something like, “ Oh man, why are you taking such a boring
8 partners
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10
fashion & shopping
exclusive
Issey Miyake
LOVE CHARIT
Lisa Ou
Creative Director: Dai Fujiwara
Designer’s nationality: Taiwanese
Designer’s nationality: Japanese
A 2008 graduate of the Parsons School of Design, Ou’s collection is inspired by Frank Gehry’s Guggenheim Museum in Spain, particularly the way light reflects off architecture at different times of day. Ou currently works for designer Derek Lam.
Project East attendees will have a rare glimpse of the Issey Miyake Fall/ Winter 2008 line, last seen on the Paris Runway. In Dai Fujiwara’s second season at the helm of the storied fashion house, he presents a collection with origami-inspired elements, rich textiles, and of course, the famous Issey Miyake accordian pleats. Model: Sonia Dara ’12
Look out for: sculptured, body-conscious pieces in metallic fabrics, paired with tulle and other lady-like elements. Model: Caroline Cochin de Billy ’09
M
Designer’s n
New D Manish Arora label 10 year in Miami and
Watch out fo sexy hippie c teresting sha signed Manis shoes.
Model: Maris
designer TY preview
11 HOTTEST FASHION EVENT
When: THIS Saturday at 7 PM Where: Tent at the MAC Quad Tickets: $15 at the Harvard Box Office For VIP e-mail roxanne.fequiere@gmail.com WHAT: Who said Harvard wasn’t haute?
Watch your classmates on the runway wearing clothes by professional designers. VIP ticket holders get access to a charity auction and open-bar afterparty. Below, a spotlight on several of the designers, including Issey Miyake in his first appearance outside Paris Fashion Week. Photos by Mziko Lapiashvili.
Manish Arora
nationality: Indian
Delhi-based fashion designer a launched his eponymous rs ago, and has since shown d London fashion week.
or: Splashy bright colors, chic, lavish adornments, inapes, and *sigh* custom-desh Arora Christian Louboutin
sa West ’10
TaeYeon Kim Designer’s nationality: Korean Look out for: Dramatic avantgarde couture, usage of unconventional materials like python acetate paper. Model: Carolyn Holding ’10
Yoon Nam Look for: Beautifully-tailored men’s suits and suit-inspired silouettes Model: Timothy Parent ’09
12 reviews BASHED BY
Listen! Don’t listen!
Alex Doubet Reviews Editor
After not getting published in last week’s issue, Doubet is back. Meaner and better than ever before.
This Could Mean Trouble, You Don’t Speak for the Club
Drew Danburry
When the Haar Rolls In James Yorkston
A COOL ALBUM COVER
JUST ISN’T ENOUGH Drew Danburry’s This Could Mean Trouble, You Don’t Speak for the Club starts with a promise. “I’m Pretty Sure” made me hope that this album would be a fun singable one. But then that song ended and the rest of the album became as long and as tedious as the title of the album itself. D a n bu r r y seems to be trying to fashion himself as Sufjan Stevens, but he just doesn’t have the touch.
This album tries so hard to be good and meaningful with plenty of accordion, big words like “arabesque,” and vocals that are breathy and lackadaisical enough to let you know that Drew Danburry really is emotional. But boy, what a chore it was to slog through this mess of an album. “ B i l l b o a r d s ,” about midway through this ponderous heap, is indicative of the album’s
Don’t listen!
problems. What I think is ukulele plays in the back, and Drew’s thin voice wavers through the strumming lightly. But there’s no meat to the song. There’s nothing I remember and nothing, I would wager, you would remember either. Drew just kind of goes through the “indie music” playbook and comes up with a pretty lame album. If I heard these songs on the radio, I’d quickly change the dial.
Good grief this album’s boring. It’s like taking a massive dose of slow-release Nyquil that keeps going and going and… you know what I mean. It’s an insufferable bore. That being said, if you’re looking for some nice chillout music, this album’s a keeper. The title track of this album, “When the Haar Rolls In,” is the most interesting cut on the album, but just when it starts
getting good, the music dims again and Yorkston’s forgettable voice comes back to the fore. The tracks are too tentative to hold my attention in the least, and I wish Yorkston had been more aggressive with
Don’t listen! his songs. His musicality is evident, but it’s not applied in a great manner. The entire album is dirge-like.
The one redeeming quality of When the Haar Rolls In is the cool album cover. But that’s no reason to listen to this one.
13 Voice Reviewer Matt Sachs explores the suprisingly popular new artist Brett Dennen, and his relaxed folk / pop
Ain’t no reason not to love this Dylanesque voice The most striking thing about Dennen is his voice. It’s nearly impossible to describe Jack Johnson and John Mayer. His first self-titled Welcome once again Voice album was an easy going, readers to the world of relaxing mix of simple “you outta know” music. melodies and classic folk/ This week, I would like blues chords. What is to mention an artist who most striking, and for me has become increasingly most appealing, about this famous with the release of young musician’s music is his second album in 2006 his voice. It is nearly imand recently released his possible to describe, havthird studio recording just ing the delicacy of Aaron last month. I was shocked Neville and the soulfulto discover how few people ness of Dylan. Yet it was on this campus have heard not until the release of his of this young artist and second album in 2006, So since this discovery, I have Much More that the singer dedicated my next few truly found his stride. The hours of precious sleep influence of Bob Dylan and and Daily Show watching Dave Matthews are heard to bring you all the facts a little bit strong in this you need to know about second album and his reBrett Dennen. occurring themes of love, Dennen is from peace, and nature California and did create that laid not release his deback, mellow but album until Whatfeel. Tracks he was twentyever is on like Ain’t five. He was your mind, this No Reason, homeschooled CD can help you She’s Mine as a child and bring it out and Someday spent most of are classic pop his adult life tunes and, with as a camp counthe added bonus selor in Yosemite of Dennen’s pretty National Park. It is amazing guitar strumhere that we find the ming abilities, the CD is essence of Dennen’s mua real treat. I find myself sic. His relaxed folk/pop putting it on whenever I feel has followed in the just want to sit back and footsteps as artists such reflect about life or why as Tracy Chapman, Paul the lunch ladies seem to Simon, and more recently, hate me so much. Whatev-
BY MATT SACHS
er is on your mind, this CD can help you bring it out. Dennen’s newest album, Hope for the Helpless is a little more produced and takes advantage of a number of different styles, from African drumming to R&B. I haven’t given it a fair listen, but he seems to be developing into a more modern, mainstream style and I am not sure how I feel about it. I find the single “Make You
Crazy” catchy, but not in the Brett Dennen way that I love. Either way, it is definitely worth listening if you are a fan or are just curious. Incidentally, Dennen will be coming to Cambridge in November to the Club Passim. If you interested in going, you better look into getting tickets ASAP. Have any questions about previous artists or want to make sug-
gestions for future articles? Feel free to contact me or anyone at the voice paper. Let us know what you think of some of the CDs you have listened to or just tell us what you think about the article in general. Until next week, enjoy.
reviews Voice Reporter Alisha Ramos shares two clips you should watch instead of doing any work
Awkward Barack moments, and a suprisingly depressing Kanye Barack Obama Word Association...Gone Wrong As psyched as we are for January 2, 2009, it never hurts to get a little laughter from a nice Barry O spoof. Watch this cleverly edited video which features an “interviewer” who initiates a word association game with Obama, who hilariously provides all the wrong answers. The
video frequently cuts to Obama’s confused looks and sheepish smiles at the most awkward moments, yet it’s still hard not to find our future president completely lovable. Oh, Barack. Even when you say stupid things, it’s cute and we’re all okay with it in the end. http://www. youtube.com/ watch?v=E3ZtRP6ZLmc
“Heartless” - New Kanye West Video Hype Williams directs the animated video for Kanye West’s new single, “Heartless”, from his new album, 808. The video, like the song, is mildly catchy. It features a heartbroken Kanye in his apartment and on the city streets, wailing and lamenting about his cold-hearted ex-lovers, who sashay around in skimpy dresses amidst
a montaged backdrop of swirling psychedelic colors and pop prints. The animation was created by a method called “rotoscoping,” which involves recording real people and having animators draw over each individual cell. The music video’s cartoon-style was inspired by the movie, “American Pop.” The lyrics to this beat-popping song are surprisingly depressing: “You got a new
friend, well I got homies / But in the end it’s still so lonely.” Oh Ye, we know it’s lonely at the top. Maybe things would get better if you’d stop abusing the AutoTune and actually try to sing for once. Overall though, the song is less-mediocre, moreredeeming than Kanye’s earlier release of “Love Lockdown.” http://www. youtube.com/ watch?v=FAVXjzNu-Yg
14 every zombie counts
THE WIN NERS OF OUR ZOMBIE COMPETITION:
Here are the final winners of our zombie story competition! Enjoy reading the stories. Thanks to everyone who submitted! It has been an amazing experience to read through all these zombie stories. We’ll be posting a lot of them online for you to read.
1.
author: Amy Zhang ‘12 prize: a month of free food at b.good!
The Reporter The night was silently bathed in the artificial orange glow of streetlights on the corner of Quincy St and Harvard St. Very few people wandered around here at 1am on a weeknight. Emily casually leaned against the wall around Harvard Yard as she watched a woman get out of a car. President Drew Faust, Emily thought to herself. She was sure the President of Harvard University was hiding something, maybe a huge conspiracy. The Crimson is going to love me for this. She waited for Faust to start walking for a few minutes before she started following. The tracker Emily attached to Faust’s car had alerted her to the President’s biweekly stops on Quincy St. Why would Faust wander down Quincy St at night for no reason? It had to be for illegitimate purposes. There was something strange about Faust’s gait, Emily observed. It seemed a bit stiff. She saw another lonely figure walk towards Presi-
dent Faust from the other end of the street. Young-probably underclassmen, female, and tired—probably because of too much studying. The dull mask of fatigue marred the student’s pretty face. Emily observed disinterestedly as Faust and the young woman brushed past each other. Suddenly, Faust stretched her arm backwards and grabbed the tired student by her neck. The move was so quick and powerful that the woman’s head whipped back, and blood sprouted from the sites where Faust’s fingernails dug into her flesh. Then her arm swung forward, throwing the woman to the ground in front of Faust. The suddenness of the events caused Emily to jump. Before the student could react, Faust lunged on top of her. Emily heard ripping and animalistic noises emanate from the president and the crescendo of a muffled shriek come from the girl. The president’s figure obscured Emily’s view, but she could see a pool of blood gathering on the
ground. Time froze for a moment, and all sound disappeared except for the pounding of blood in Emily’s ears. Slowly, slowly, sound and sense returned to the young woman and she realized the precariousness of the situation. Emily turned around and started walking hastily back toward the mouth of Quincy St. She tried to quiet her erratic breathing and decided against speeding into a run because she didn’t want to risk Faust hearing her, even though the woman— if she can still be called that—was preoccupied. As she turned the corner, Emily noticed two men in suits engaged in conversation on Harvard St. She ran towards them. “Help! Someone’s hurt very badly on Quinc—“ One of the men grabbed her hair and forced a rag against Emily’s mouth while the other twisted her arms behind her back. She jerked and twisted desperately, despite the cracking sounds it caused in her shoulder joints, and
then suddenly she her head drooped down, her joints relaxed, and everything faded from Emily’s view. When she regained consciousness, all Emily could see was endless blackness. She could feel a wad of cloth in her mouth and saliva dripping from the corners of her lips because she couldn’t close her mouth. Her feet and hands were handcuffed behind her, and she could feel the carpeted floor against the right side of her face and body. Emily blinked hard a couple times to try to see, but to no avail. She kept her eyes wide open and kept glancing rapidly in every direction to try to catch any glimmer of light that might stray into her path. In time, Emily began to catch small whispers drifting along the floor. She kept her eyes turned to the right in concentration as she tried to distinguish words and phrases. “Faust is ”unknown
infected”… vector”…
”possibly airborne t r a n s m i s s i o n ” … ” f i ve other known infections already handled”… ”extreme aggression”… ”no attack survivors”… ”kill the witness”… ‘ Witness’…Were they referring to Emily? She began propelling herself with weak sideways kicks to the floor to try to escape or at least move further away from wherever she was. Light poured in from Emily’s front, and she noticed a suited man standing in the nowopen doorway. The lights flicked on, and she noticed rows and rows of red seats travelling upward on green carpet. Was this a lecture hall? It reminded of the Science Center, except generally she would like being in the Science Center. The man began walking down the steps towards her while reaching inside her jacket. Seeing this, Emily began to wriggle backwards even faster, until she bumped into something big and soft. She slowly tilted
toward her left to try to see what the thing was. A jolt went through Emily as she faced the decaying brown-gray face of Drew Faust. The girl reasoned that Faust was probably dead and of no danger to her because of the woman’s closed eyes and uncanny resemblance to a cadaver. The cadaver opened its eyes, and stared back into the young woman’s dilated pupils with two red watery orbs of its own. It gave a small smile, then opened its mouth until the cheek flesh between the two jaws ripped and gave snake-like appearance to what used to be the distinguished president of Harvard University. The wad of cloth muted Emily’s screams as the flesh on her face was devoured. The man held a gun in his hand and calmly waited for Emily to stop her frantic squirming before he shot the zombie. He didn’t want to waste bullets when there would be many more people, both human and formerly human, that he would need to exterminate.
2.
15 author: Robert Padnick ‘09 prize: 10 free b.good burgers!
Blood is the New Crimson Autumnal leaves swirled down to the assembly of students and Cantabrigians packed into the Tercentenary Theatre. At the lawn’s entry points, police officers zipped up their jackets against the bracing wind as they turned away the late-arrivals. The din of voices rippled with cheers as Drew Faust approached the podium. She had the commanding gait of Harvard’s first female president and the oversized novelty button to prove it. She surveyed the gathered thousands with a wry Faustian smile. After a minute of applause, the attendees took their seats while, inexplicably, the residual sound of applause grew louder. Eventually the noise ceased, the silence bouncing off Drew’s eyeglasses. Boing!
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“Thank you all for coming today as we move into the second month of Harvard’s Sustainability Movement,” began Drew, her voice ringing out like thirty public address amplifiers hanging from trees. “This month we turn our attention towards sustainable foods. We have made tremendous strides here at Harvard, as evidenced by the green initiatives of our own dining services, but there is still much work to be done. We must learn to eat locally, grow organically, and think sustainably if we are to end the world’s food shortage crisis. Which is why I propose that we begin eating people today!” A general sense of befuddlement befell the crowd and some took to nervous tittering. Faculty members seated on stage
cleared their throats and adjusted themselves in their seats. Dean of Freshmen Tom Dingman forced a hearty laugh and gestured for his peers to follow suit. Drew remained stoic at the podium: “We must eat people, human people, to end world hunger. Humans are locally-produced, organically-raised, and every human you eat is one less mouth to feed.” Drew cocked her head slightly to the right and gave a halfsmile, an homage to her “IT’S FAUST” cover photo in the Harvard Crimson. A rivulet of drool fell from her lip. “I think what President Faust is trying to say,” said Associate Dean for Student Life and Activities Judith Kidd rising from her chair, “is that
people are the solution; that the key to sustainability lies in each one of our hands.” Judith approached the podium, pulled the microphone away from Drew, and whispered in her ear, “Nice joke, Jerry Seinfeld. Now how about you stop being an idiot and get on with your stupid speech?” Drew responded by eating Judith’s neck, the microphone amplifying Judith’s shrill death cries. To the audience, she sounded like a big whiney baby. Drew tore away, pulling Judith’s blood-spewing esophagus out of her body. Judith collapsed in a pool of blood and ad board reports, which she had been holding. Drew was apprehended by two police officers.
“You’re coming with us, presidente,” said an officer. “You’re going to fry for this,” said the other. Suddenly teeth sank into his ankle. “Ouch!” he exclaimed and kicked at a zombified Judith. She lunged at the other officer and sank in. “Ouch!” he said. “I know,” said the other officer. “Ouch is right!” For a few minutes, the officers rubbed their ankles and kept saying “Ouch!” and “Ouch is right!” leading some in the audience to believe that the whole thing might have been some sort of skit about sustainable foods. A few clapped. However, the moment of quietude was
immediately shattered and vaporized when the four zombies charged at the audience. Total pandemonium ensued as people fled for their lives. Blood sprayed from every corner of the Tercentenary Theatre. Guts splattered against Sever Hall. One man had his butt eaten in the Loeb House. In no time at all, everyone was zombified! Soon enough, though, the zombies settled down and returned to their seats, and Drew continued her speech: “Now, moving on to the issue of big agribusiness, the transport of food across the nation is a drain on American petroleum consumption and poses a critical health risk to consumers . . .”
author: Jose Olivarez ‘10 prize: 5 free orders of fries!
Zombie University Dear New York Times, I am writing to you from under a desk in the in the Woodberry Poetry Room in Lamont. As I am writing this, there is an entire university of zombies looking for me. A few moments ago I was bit by Drew Faust and soon I will be a zombie Ec concentrator too. Let me explain. I am a student at Harvard University. My first days here were inconspicuous enough: I played some Frisbee and smoked some weed; it was cool. My roommates, Marlo from San Diego and Dean from New York, seemed nice enough. Marlo smiled. Dean smiled. My proctor smiled and I smiled. When my mom called to check in, I told her “Everyone’s so nice here.” My mom sighed a long sigh of relief and after blessing me over the phone hung up so that I could get back to my friends. That didn’t last long though. Soon I realized how peculiar a place Harvard really was. Every
new person I met said the exact same thing, minus a few names: “Hi, my name is ______, what house are you in-That’s cool. I’m in _________. Do you know what you’re concentration is going to be?” Over and over. After three days, I began avoiding people whenever possible. That night I dreamt that I was being chased through Harvard Yard. I was yelling for help, but all of the buildings seemed lifeless. I awoke suddenly and I decided to go for a walk. At three in the morning Cambridge is a ghost city. Every step echoes through the empty streets. I had dinner with some friends the next day and poking at the spaghetti, I said “The reason the food at Annenberg tastes so bad is cause all of the food is probably made out of brains… You know they’re trying to make us smarter.” No one laughed at my joke. Later, after a night of partying, Marlo
brought back a girl named Maria to our room. I got ready to head out so that I wouldn’t have to listen to the moans and cat cries, but as I stepped out of my room I heard sounds too ungodly to describe. It was like bones gnashing and being crunched into powder. I peeped through the door crack and saw him eating her brains. I freaked out. I called my friend Dianna and crying told her “I’m not safe here—I can’t tell you much more—Pray, please pray for me Dianna—I think… I think that I’m at a school of zombies” I whispered the last word so softly, that I had to repeat it. She busted out laughing. I was all alone. There’s an old adage that goes “if you can’t beat em, dress up like them and take Ec 10.” So that’s what I did. I went to the coop and bought myself a crimson (now I know why crimson is our school color) hoodie with the word Harvard emblazoned in the center in big black letters. I wore it everywhere.
I wanted everyone to think that I loved it here. That I was them. Somebody asked me how I liked school and I told them in a mechanical voice, “I love Harvard” It was my answer to most questions. In section, I would remain quiet despite having the greatest urge to yell and throw a desk. All of the professors were zombies too. They taught class with an arrogance becoming of people who were no longer capable of learning, and were therefore mentally dead. They assigned impossible amounts of reading every week, so that it was impossible for us to take our time with the text and then chided us for not reading closely enough. In section we regurgitated whatever the professor said in the previous lecture. We pretended that we were learning and in turn we were rewarded with good grades. To the casual observer and the tourists that are always around, Harvard appeared to be a
happy, intellectual campus. But I was tormented. Even though I had not been bitten, I could feel the dull fangs of inactivity begin to numb my brain. I was sure I was becoming paler. Finally I snapped. Today, while studying in Lamont, I began to feel like I was in a cemetery. Next thing I knew I was standing in my chair, screaming at the top of my lungs “GREGORY MANKIW IS NOT GOD. MONEY IS NOT GOD. THERE ARE THINGS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR GPA.” The words spurred me to run out of Lamont. The zombies stood stunned for so long, that for a second I thought I was wrong about the University. I felt good as I ran out of the library with no books to carry, no classes to study for, and only the unbounded future ahead of me. Pow. Someone had tackled me. The sky looked as blue as the sky back home. As I was dragged into University Hall, I wondered if I would ever notice
the blueness of the sky again. The things they did to me at University Hall were unspeakable harms that even in my degraded half zombie state bring me great remorse. But for the sake of dismantling this Zombie University, I will now go into it. President Drew Faust approached me with a whip and forced me to write a resume to send into the top banks. Then shit bit me on the arm and while sucking on my raw flesh she closed her eyes for one second and in that moment I uppercutted her. I ran out and came straight here. My wound cloaked me in invisibility, but I am sure I will soon be discovered. As I am writing this, I am craving a tall cup of oil, clothes made by children in the third world, and lots and lots of money. Please warn somebody. My time has run out. Sincerely, The person formerly known as José Olivarez
16 partners
donations more than welcome.
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food & drink
RACHEL LIBESKIND
HEALTH INSPECTOR REPORT: A number of health problems discovered in restaurants around the campus
BEWARE WHERE YOU EAT:
Rats, trash & dirty knives in Cambridge restaurants Chipotle
Cambridge One Pizza PROBLEM: Inspectors cited Cambridge One at 27 Church St. on Sept. 9 for storing dirty knives.
Dado Tea
PROBLEM: Inspectors cite Chipotle at 1 Brattle Sq. on Aug. 20 for letting food handlers wear A.
Finagle-ABagel PROBLEM: Inspectors cited Finagle-A-Bagel at 1432 Mass Ave. on Sept. 21 for storing food containers improperly.
Cafe of India PROBLEM: Inspectors cited Café of India at 52A Brattle St. on Sept. 16 for “evidence of rodents” in the basement. OUCH.
PROBLEM: Inspectors cited Dado Tea at 955 Mass. Ave. on Oct. 7 for a dirty ice machine, as well as buildup on a cutting board at the sandwich area and mold behind a sink at the front counter.
C’est Bon PROBLEM: No problem! One of the few places in which the health inspectors found no violations during routine inspections.
health inspector reports complied by wickedlocal.com
18 weekend fun
staying in? going out? read these for fun.
Guest writter Firth McEachern invites you to party for a cause, eat all the popcorn and drink all the... soda.
Never had a one-night stand? This might be a good time. We promise, you won’t feel disappointed or senselessly infatuated. Just satisfied. If you’ve never had a one night stand, it would be a good idea to make this one your first. You won’t feel squeamishly disappointed afterwards, or senselessly infatuated. Just satisfied. On Saturday, 15th of November, there will be a raucous campus-wide party in Adams House in solidarity with endangered civilians in Darfur and Burma. It aims to raise awareness of the Civilian Protection Program, a program designed, well, to protect civilians. So what is this Civilian Protection Program? It’s orchestrated by STAND, the student antigenocide coalition, and offers various forms of protection to civilians in conflict zones. In Darfur, the program seeks to protect women who venture from displacement camps to collect firewood. Funds will employ a Coordinator to attend patrols and help improve them, create committees enabling women to communicate with the United NationsAfrican Union Mission in Darfur (UNAMID) more effectively, and provide transport mechanisms so women can collect supplies in bulk according to the patrol schedules. Rape and abduction continue to be pervasive threats, and these measures are incredibly important to ensure these women’s safety. In Burma, a different threat is at play. Some areas populated by ethnic minorities are
be awkward? Do I have to pay anything? What if the music is crappy?” Dances “for g o o d causes” sometimes don’t measure up, but there are several things that make this party worthwhile: 1. The Expressions Dance Company will be performing at 11pm. So hot right now. 2. DJs from the Blanks (Harvard alumni music group extraordinaire) will be running the mix. Guaranteed to be bangin’. 3. You can come in frumpy pajamas, a nightie, your sexiest lingerie, or your regular party wear. It’s slumber-party themed. Anything goes, almost. 4. Eat all the popcorn and drink all the soda/juice you want. Soda machines will be on for unlimited use.
deemed “free-fire areas” by the government, allowing the army considerable leeway in shooting civilians on sight. Villages in these areas have experienced shelling, forced labour, rape, and pillaging by government troops. The Civilian Protection Program will help fund a civilian radio network that will enable people to send and receive distress calls, greatly expanding warn-
ing time. A local organization will also be supplied with a satellite phone service to communicate over much greater distances. I think the idea’s simplicity and utility will be play a strong role in reducing the fear and danger extant in eastern Burma. I know, I know, I’ve failed to answer some pressing questions about this issue: “Will the dance
the voice PUBLISHER STEVEN R. DUQUE
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF MIRAN PAVIC
WEB DIRECTOR OGNJEN ILIC
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5. It’s in Adams, not a far walk from anywhere (except Dudley House, wherever that is). You’ve also probably been to enough Adams parties to know and love your very own dance corner. ☺ 6. If you’re broke, you can enter for free, although you are welcome to leave a donation
EDITORIAL TEAM EXECUTIVE EDITOR KATY MILLER REVIEWS EDITOR ALEX DOUBET FASHION EDITOR ANNA TONG FASHION EDITOR IRENE YAUN CAMPUS BUZZ EDITOR BRIAN SHEN WEEKEND EDITOR ALLISON BAUM PHOTO EDITOR RACHEL LIBESKIND VIDEO EDITOR ALEXA WEST COMIC BY JAMES KOHL PRINTED BY TURLEY PUBLICATIONS
for the Civilian Protection Program. Suggested donation: $5. So, when you ask yourself, “What should I do on Saturday night?”, the answer should be, One Night S TA N D. Put it in your calendars, leave yo u r desks a n d beds, a n d t r e a t yourself to The Blanks D J s . Rihanna is waiting… and so are thousands of threatened civilians. -Firth McEachern, Harvard Darfur Action Group
BUSINESS TEAM DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS NICHOLAS PAPAMICHAEL MAN. OF STRAT. ADVERTISEMENT CARMEN COLLYNS MAN. OF DISTRIBUTION ZACH FRANKEL DIR. OF COMMUNICATIONS MATTHEW LEE MAN. OF EVENTS DEREK FLANZRAICH MAN. OF COMM. RELATIONS CATHERINE CHUTER DIR. OF TELEVISION ERIC PATERNOT STRAT. ADVERT. CONSULTANT MARGARITA KRIVITSKI STRAT. ADVERT. CONSULTANT MARTA BRALIC COMM. CONSULTANT ELSA PAPAREMBORDE BUS. CONSULTANT THOMAS WIONZEK
REPORTERS ELIZABETH NICHOLAS CHARLOTTE AUSTIN IRENE YUAN ANDY LIVINGSTON PROF. JASON KAUFMAN ADAM GOLDENBERG MICHAEL GLADSTONE WOLF RADIC DOMINIC DENUNZIO ALLISON BAUM LAUREL TAINSH LINGBO LI BRIAN SHEN CRISTOPHER LIM JOSHUA FEBLOWITZ PAIGE HOLTZMAN
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DEAR
ALLISON
Allison Baum Voice Columnist
Everyone is excited about Obama. But I think I’m in love with him. Dear Allison, My teammate just broke up with his long-time girlfriend who was a really nice girl, everyone liked her, except obviously my teammate. My parents had gotten to know her and like her as well. They are coming to campus for a visit and said they have a special gift for her. Now it feels really awkward because they are not going to get to see her. My teammate has a new girlfriend already. Should I tell my parents that they are on their own to contact the exgirlfriend or should I try to arrange a meeting? Sincerely, Stuck in the Middle Dear Stuck, I have to say you have piqued my curiosity. I am trying to imagine what this “special gift” could be, and all the possibilities that come to mind are pretty creepy. That said, I hope it’s something appropriate. Anyway- regardless of how this relationship ended,
there is no reason for you not to continue Sincerely, It your friendship with A Real-Life has been this girl, especially Stock Junky my dream to if your teammate has work on Wall already moved on. I Dear Junky, Street since would go ahead and Twelve years I was 12 arrange a meeting, old? Really? but notify your teamI find that hard mate first, explaining to believe, but the situation with your I do commend you parents. You certainly don’t on following your dreams. need his permission, but it’s Harvard picks its student best that everything is out in body for not only its diversity the open so it doesn’t seem in backgrounds, but also our like you were going behind his diversity in interests. Anyone back. that gives you shit for having a passion is nothing short of Dear Allison, jealous and narrow-minded. In spite of all the recent prob- Be proud of your accomplishlems on Wall Street, I was lucky ments and if you are happy enough to get away with an offer for a job next year. Everyone tells me I am selling out, but I honestly have dreamt about i working on Wall Street since I was twelve years old. I am excited for what is to come but it seems like everyone mocks me because I like finance. Is it really so bad that I am happy with my decision?
with your decision, your friends should be happy for you too. Dear Allison, I know that everyone is excited that Obama got elected, and I am too. But I actually think I am in love with him. He is such an inspiring leader, as well as a fantastic father, lawyer, and husband. I get chills every time I see him on TV. Do you think I could ever get to meet him and make him fall in love with me too? Sincerely, Obsessed with Obama
For President Obama’s sake, as well as your own, it is probably best if you never meet him. Michelle would probably be pretty pissed. It’s commendable that you are so touched by our future president, but I think you need to get a grip. Clearly, you are projecting some strange emotional issues onto this public figure. Try talking to a professional, or getting involved in other things. If you’re really that desperate, get in touch with Monica Lewinsky and see how she did it. I bet there will be plenty of internships on Capitol Hill opening up in the very near future.
Dear Obsessed,
Have your say!
Or just go here:
E-mail Allison! allison@theHvoice.com
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