Publisher Monique Crump Editor Jehnifer Henderson Art Director Jeffery Crump Contributing Writers
Damien Randle Nibu Abraham Talula Jones Copy Editor Andrea L. Pro Photographers
Isaac Solomon Marketing Monique Crump CONTRIBUTING DESIGNER
Robert “Bjorn� Taylor
Wanna join the Team?
At Hater we are always looking for new writers and artists that are dedicated to making a quality magazine. 281-685-0793
How to reach us. mcrumpsf@yahoo.com
Please do not send attachments
Hater Magazine 6315 Sutter Park Houston, TX 77066
Advertising
For advertising rates and cross promotions, call 281.685.0793.
Subscriptions
To get HATER magazine placed in your store, Or need to know distribution locations, call HATER magazine is published quarterly. HATER magazine is copyright protected. No articles may be reproduced in whole or part without written consent of HATER magazine. The views expressed in this publication reflect the views of the authors alone, and do not reflect the views or policies of the staff and management of HATER magazine. All letters, manuscripts, and photos sent to HATER magazine become property of HATER.
2
Credits : Hater
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + pg.8 + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + fame, + morning + Saturday + Mr.+T. , a notable + +persona+of 80’s + remember + +don’t talk + to strangers.. + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +Departments + + + + +FEATURES + + MORNING + SATURDAY + OF + DEATH + + + +04 EDITOR’S + + NOTE + + +8 THE + of +the + + + state +17 POLITRICKS + + + + +A look+into the+history+and present great Saturday morning cartoon block. +15 WYWS + + + + +. + + + + + + + + + 18 JUST + +QUIT +WORK + + + + + + + + + + +22 HATERSCOPES + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + Hater : Departments + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
DeathFashion of Saturday 3 Summer IssueMorning • Volume•1Volume • Issue 23 • Issue May 2005
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
3
Editor’s Note
This time, the hate was constructed just for you. Whether your needs are good music, the best movies, your all time favorite CARTOONS, or good ways to get over on your boss-we have you covered. We know our readers. If you’re not sitting at home watching cartoons or listening to music while you read this; you are probably at work (watching cartoons or listening to music) while you read this. There’s no reason for me to speak on this issue. Just get to reading. Now, to the Hating!
Jehnifer Henderson Editor
WTF is Hater?
Hater defined is the critic of our generation. Hater does not mean that we choose to blindly dislike or berate. To be a Hater means you choose to make critical observations of the world around you. You choose to take off the rose-colored glasses and have the truth told. Some people may confuse our observations with crudeness, but we at Hater consider a reasoned opinion a virtue. We at Hater will tackle real issues and day-to-day life with cynicism and wit. We want to present news and opinions from numerous perspectives. We want our reader to form their own opinion and ultimately become a Hater.
4
Editor’s Note : Hater
Hater : Contents 5
6 Credits : Hater
Hater : Contents 7
The Animated Saturday that 20 million children across the nation so ritualistically enjoyed was born like so many kids that watched it, by accident. In 1949, NBC featured its first series of cartoons developed especially for television. The cartoon series was a low-budget project titled, “Crusader Rabbit.” It followed the adventures of a rabbit and his tiger sidekick. Before that, the only cartoons featured were shorts originally intended for the Big Screen. By the Mid-1960’s, the idea of new cartoon series went full swing when networks concentrated on saturating kids with commercials between their weekend favorites. Feeling nostalgic, I decided to recapture that childhood indulgence one morning and was left dismayed. My animated Saturday had been stolen! Superfriends, Tom and Jerry and The Real Ghostbusters have all been replaced by recycled Disney shows such as “That’s So Raven” (does anyone remember her rap hit from 93?) and The Suite Life of Zach & Cody (and that was only offered on ABC). The other major broadcasters had finally bowed out and featured news programming of terrorists and murders of children. I guess the FCC felt that was better than anvils dropping on cartoon characters. In a world immersed in the chaos of war, ter-
rorism and global warming, we are all bound to reminisce fondly of the days when cartoons reigned supreme. A time when the bad guys were easily identifiable as the ones with the long mustaches and cackling laughs, when superheroes could single-handedly demolish oncoming meteors with one punch. Some people dismiss cartoons as “mindless” but they forget that cartoons played an important role in our childhood development. What we didn’t learn from school or our parents, we learned from TV. How else was a seven year old going to learn about famous Italian painters if it weren’t for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Grown ups would, later in life, recognize opera concertos like Rossini’s “The Barber of Seville” because of Looney Tunes famous episode titled “The Rabbit of Seville”, where Bugs Bunny outlandishly shaves Elmer Fudd. Cartoons were even educational. Teachers all across America thank “School House Rock” for clarifying the complexity of how a bill becomes a law (Sing a long: “I’m just a bill. Yes, I’m only a bill. And I’m sitting here on Capitol Hill.”) How did this happen? What kind of society denies its children that time-honored tradition of waking up before your parents, to watch Saturday morning cartoons and eat sugar filled cereal in shapes of the cartoons?
Hater : Feature 9
Left: Jem Right: Fat Albert
In an effort to find where the demise of cartoons from major broadcasts happened, I turned to my nineteen year old sister. When asked of her favorite cartoons she watched growing up she giddily answers “Um, Barney and The Little Mermaid” (The Little Mermaid on VHS not the animated series). When asked of the likes of “Alvin & the Chipmunks” and “Beetlejuice” she could not offer any opinions. She had never heard of them! She informs me that her generation turned to Nickelodeon, Disney Channel and videos to satisfy their cartoon cravings, since it was offered 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Unfortunately, it was also her generation that evolved faster by the “tween” shows offered on MTV & BET instead of listening to talented chipmunks perform old rock hits. Cartoons are not completely out of existence. But the kick ass cartoons of our day and age - those classic blends of adventure,
10
Feature : Hater
humor, and morality - no longer exist. If you tune in to a cartoon now you are likely to learn Spanish in a half hour and how Timmy is cool even though he’s handicapped. This TV watching generation will be knowledgeable, considerate wussies. No matter who you are today, a gay liberal activist, Satan worshipper or a card carrying republican; at one time we all performed the monolithic act every Saturday morning. Like a cult ritual, we tuned in to watch our animated friends and they taught us lessons and humor that we carry with us today. Everyday people are trying to find a common thread that brings us together and maybe we don’t have to be philosophical and try to tie beliefs, perhaps we just need to look at Tom and Jerry to bridge the gap.
TOP5 S N O O T R A C R E T A H
The Jetsons / The Flintstones - The Jetsons were supposed to be our future. While The Flintstones was a comical look at the past. It is actually a glimpse into our future. With global warming, we should really learn the mechanics of making a bird into a trash compacter. I think the Flintstones were on to something. Who needs fuel when you have feet? Tom and Jerry – Of course, we mean the Tom and Jerry before disco, talking, and peaceful coexistence. Looney Tunes - Racial humor, the absence of political correctness, and digging your way to China is the perfect formula for legendary animation. The genius of Mel Blanc as Bugs Bunny and the bazillion other cast of characters he voiced makes it a must for our list.
Muppet Babies - Muppet Babies was the animated pot induced creation from The Jim Henson Company that taught kids that it was okay to be different and playing make believe was apart of making living in a one room nursery bearable. Voltron - Lion Force had their hands full with Planet Doom which taught us when you form together into one big robot that you too can save your country‌er planet.
F#!C
OBY K SCO
DOO
Hater : Contents 11
Hater : Bang 13
J Dilla - Ruff Draft
“Keep it ghetto with the plastic cups, real ghetto with the plastic cups...” It has now been a year since J Dilla’s tragic death from Lupus disease, and almost four years since his now legendary underground EP “Ruff Draft” was released. With this re-release from Stones Throw we find Jay Dee, now J Dilla, in his transitional phase from his work with the Ummah, and off his stint with Slum Village. Experimental synths and discrete samples make this a gem for any beat head or backpack brownshirt, while the heavy base and rhymes of floss, gloss & gutter life, provides a perfect soundtrack to bump in the Escalade. Not much more can be said to the genius of this man, but to pick up the album wherever possible and experience what the underground now grieves.- Jeffery Crump | visit stonesthrow.com
Amy Winehouse – Back to Black
Who knew it would be a British, Jewish girl with a drinking problem to put “soul” back into soul music. The cd starts with the line, “They tried to make me go to rehab, I said ‘No, no, no’.” With that, you know that a strong woman is in control and Amy Winehouse has the strength of personality, clarity of vision, and sheer vocal prowess to grab your ears and heart from that first line and hold it all the way through 11 brilliant songs. My standout favorites are “Me & Mr. Jones”, “Addicted”, “Wake up Alone,” and the classic title song “Back To Black” sung by The Other Woman as her man prepares to go home once and for all. -Talula Jones
Elis Regina – Os Sonhos Mais Lindos Os Sonhos Mais Lindos (The Prettiest Dreams) is not just a clever title. Elis Regina did not live long (1945-1982), but in her short life-time, she created some of the most powerful sounds to grace not only her home country of Brasil, but the entire world. Among the attractions: a lively rendering of Gilberto Gil’s “Amor Até O Fim” and Nelson Cavaquinho’s “Folhas Secas”. There’s also a haunting version of Baden Powell’s “Canto de Ossanha” and a final medley including the famous “Aquarela do Brasil”. If you have not stumbled across any of these songs in the 30 years since their birth, this album wraps the sounds up nicely and serves you a small taste of what Elis Regina is about. - Jehnifer Henderson
14
While You Were Sleeping: Hater
GRAVE OF THE
FIRE FLIES
-Jehnifer Henderson
Be warned! Once you watch this animated film, you no longer have any excuse for being ignorant about the effects of war.
This is the story of two small children that fall victim to the conflicts of adults. They are separated from their parents and forced to live with a greedy aunt in Japan, during WWII. Feeling that they can survive on their own, they make a home out of an abandoned shelter. They don’t have enough food or resources. They stand no chance of survival in a war-torn country. This is not a story of hope. It is a story of reality. The final scene is heartbreaking and beautiful. Never before has an animated film shown war so clearly; a baby crying from hunger, skies lit with missiles, a young boy stealing food, people still being people. There are no heroes in this tale, only two children that love each other and don’t understand why they are suffering. They don’t yet understand the hate that is slowly killing them. You cannot deny this story, because it is not a fabrication on the horrors of war, but a true recount of the writer, Akiyuki Nosaka’s, real experiences and losses. The loss of his baby sister is portrayed beautifully through images of fire lit skies and fireflies. Midway through the film, the baby asks the ultimate question of her fate, “Why must fireflies die so young?” Be ready to cry and if you choose to watch this with your children, be ready to try to explain the unexplainable.
Hater : While You Were Sleepnig 15
16
Music Reviews : Hater
Hater : Politricks 17
JustQuitWork
The Way of Corporate Backsliding & The Legendary Art of Slipping through the Cracks
The One I Like
by Damien Randle
If you’ve gotten a job within the past 5 years or so, you’ve probably had the misfortune of taking one of those behavioral / “Are You An Idiot” / “Will You Snitch” surveys. Basically, they want to detect whether or not you have any tendencies towards deviant behavior before they hire your sick-minded ass. One of the questions that always gives me a chuckle is the one where they ask “If you saw a co-worker stealing or doing something that was in violation of company policy, would you report it?” I always answer with an emphatic “yes”. (Well, I click “yes” very emphatically.) Of course, that’s a lie. When it comes to catching other people in the act, I apply the “I didn’t see shit” policy. I don’t care what it is. When you catch somebody doing something that they shouldn’t be doing (ie - typing this article while at work), then you hold a few advantages over them:
A) Only a few types of blackmail hold the power that “I know what you did” possesses. This is especially true if the person is a ha18 Just Quit Work : Hater
bitual fucker-upper. If they try to come down on you about something, you can hit them with that (without telling them which specific transgression they performed) and it’ll drive them crazy.
B) It allows you to get away with things that you normally wouldn’t, especially if they’re working under the assumption that you know something about them that they don’t want you to know. C) It just makes your job more interesting. What brings this up, you ask? Well, as I was making my way to the restroom for my midmorning piss, I happened to glance over at my co-worker’s computer and saw…. titties! He had the door to his office closed, so there was no way that he heard me passing by the window to his office. He probably wouldn’t have cared, because the soft-porn site on his computer screen was obviously more engrossing than the boring lull of our workday mornings.
Only a few types of blackmail hold the power that “I know what you did” possesses. This is especially true if the person is a habitual fucker-upper.
Straighten up & fly right or face the wrath of this fake ass Chuck Norris. According to the company’s Code of Ethics, I’m supposed to report him. Hell to the naw. I kept it moving. Looked the other way. Not my business. More importantly - not my job. Besides, he hasn’t done anything to piss me off (yet). But let something jump off - I.T. would probably get an “anonymous” tip to scour through his browser history. So yes - I lied on my behavioral exam. I daresay that it’s possible that most people do. I’m not trying to get somebody fired over looking at some titties. Hell, the day might come that I’ll need to look at some titties while at work (though I can’t imagine what the reason for that would be).
Hater : Just Quit Work 19
22 Haterscopes : Hater