Hathaway Brown School’s Approach to Social-Emotional Learning
Hathaway Brown’s distinguished academic program trains our future’s finest minds and empowers girls to put knowledge in action. We know our students will create solutions to the most pressing problems our world is facing, and we want every single one of them to be ferociously successful. And yet to be truly successful, their education must touch not only their minds, but their hearts. They must have soft skills like empathy, authentic listening, and instinctual kindness; and they must care for their whole selves. History has taught us that we will be defined by how we love and how we use our hearts when we lead, and this guides our mission of learning not just for school but for life.
Our deep dive into the social and emotional needs of our students at every age has codified HB’s long-standing practice of teaching students to understand themselves and others so that they can successfully navigate the demands of the world, be their authentic selves and approach life with balance, grace, and enthusiasm. Through a comprehensive process that engaged faculty and administrators alike, Hathaway Brown created Beyond Academics to describe the social-emotional journey of our students beginning in the co-ed Infant & Toddler Center (ITC) and Early Childhood programs through the all-girls K-12 experience.
The Hathaway Brown School mission and philosophy states, “The true mission of the school, as reflected in our motto, Non Scholae Sed Vitae Discimus, is preparation for life. We strive to foster in the minds of our students an abiding passion for learning and in their hearts a constant devotion to strong character and public service.” At HB, it is our calling not only to prepare our students to reach their utmost potential academically, but also to nurture a community where each individual can thrive and flourish in her social connections and emotional intelligence.
According to the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning, “Social and emotional learning is the process through which children and adults acquire and effectively apply the knowledge, attitudes, and skills necessary to understand and manage emotions, set and achieve positive goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain positive relationships, and make responsible decisions.” This document serves as a framework for our faculty, parents, families and community to comprehend the complex trajectory of social-emotional development through a girl’s formative years. Using these narratives, our educators and families can access information and resources through a developmental overview, a classroom profile and a parenting profile for each grade level to best understand, teach and support our young women. This SEL project functions as a cornerstone for our school’s SEL programming advancement and curriculum development in each division to best serve the girls of today as they learn for life.
INFANT & TODDLER CENTER
Hathaway Brown’s Infant & Toddler Center (ITC) embodies a comprehensive philosophy of infant and toddler care that emphasizes the involvement of families and the broader community in every facet of its program. Grounded in the belief that each child possesses an inherent joy of discovery and a love of learning, the ITC is committed to creating a home-like environment while stimulating cognitive development and fostering positive social interactions through play. The ITC actively invites parents to participate in their children’s daily experiences, offering opportunities for interaction throughout the day, along with coaching support throughout the school year.
Our program supports effective dimensions of creativity, nurturing social and emotional growth by intentionally modeling and reinforcing curiosity, appropriate risk-taking behavior, empathy, and the confidence to explore. With a dedication to inquiry and innovation, educators guide and enrich exploratory activities, while respecting the child and family as integral components of the learning process. The emphasis on positive, collaborative relationships underscores the ITC’s commitment not only to the early years but also to the years beyond, recognizing the enduring impact of building strong foundations during this crucial developmental stage.
The Infant & Toddler Center integrates Conscious Discipline principles within infant and toddler classrooms, fostering a holistic approach to social-emotional learning and discipline. Emphasizing positive relationships and essential life skills, dedicated educators and caregivers create safe and nurturing environments that support the unique social and emotional development of our youngest learners. Connection lies at the heart of the ITC’s approach. Teachers prioritize establishing a strong emotional bond with infants and toddlers, responding promptly to their needs while offering affection and a sense of security to cultivate a positive connection. Furthermore, Conscious Discipline provides guidance for helping infants and toddlers regulate their emotions through soothing techniques. Language development is nurtured through calm and comforting tones for infants, while toddlers are encouraged to use simple language to express their emotions and needs. Our educators serve as positive models, demonstrating calm responses to stress and challenges.
As toddlers begin to explore their environment, Conscious Discipline’s problem-solving strategies are utilized to guide them through conflict resolution processes to build social and emotional competence. Predictable routines are integrated throughout classrooms to provide a sense of security. Caregivers model empathy by acknowledging and validating each child’s emotions. Recognizing that Conscious Discipline evolves with developmental stages, educators readily adapt strategies to meet the changing needs of our young learners.
Infants Developmental Overview
Infant social-emotional development is a rapid and crucial process in the early years that shapes well-being and future relationships. Infants show early signs of cognitive and problem-solving skills through trial and error as they explore and engage with their surroundings. Caregivers play a vital role by providing a safe environment that encourages exploration, which contributes to the infant’s sense of competence.
Language development in infancy is closely linked to socialemotional growth. While infants may not use verbal language, they communicate through gestures, babbling, and facial expressions. Caregivers foster language development by consistently responding to these early communication attempts, establishing the foundation for effective communication, and building trust.
Self-regulation, a key aspect of social-emotional development, involves learning to manage emotions. Initially relying on caregivers for co-regulation, infants gradually develop basic self-regulation skills, such as comforting and calming themselves. Caregivers support this development by establishing a consistent and responsive caregiving environment, which helps infants build the foundation for future emotional resilience for years to come.
Toddlers Developmental Overview
Toddlerhood is a period of increased social-emotional development, marked by notable progress in problem-solving, language acquisition, and self-regulation. Toddlers explore their environment, using trial-and-error strategies under our caregivers’ guided support to foster autonomy and competence. Toddlers experience a remarkable expansion of language development as they transition from using single words to forming simple phrases and sentences, in turn enhancing their ability to express thoughts, needs, and emotions. Caregivers play a pivotal role by providing rich language experiences, responding to toddlers’ attempts at communication, and fostering verbal expression, which contributes to their overall social-emotional well-being.
Self-regulation in toddlers evolves as they develop the ability to manage emotions and impulses. Caregivers play a crucial role in helping toddlers navigate and regulate a wider range of emotions by establishing routines and providing consistent expectations. While external support is still sought for emotional regulation, toddlers will also begin to exhibit moments of independent soothing and coping, laying the foundation for increased emotional autonomy in the future.
Twos Developmental Overview
A two-year-old’s social-emotional development is characterized by notable growth in problem-solving, language acquisition, and self-regulation. Two-year-olds demonstrate independence and curiosity, by engaging in tasks like practicing self-care tasks, engaging in rituals and routines, and completing games and puzzles. Caregivers and parents play a critical role by offering age-appropriate challenges and guidance, fostering a sense of accomplishment in the toddler.
Language development at age two transitions from using short simple phrases to more complex sentences. This contributes to clearer expression of thoughts, needs, and emotions, facilitating simple conversations. Caregivers and parents support language
development through a language-rich environment, responsive communication, and encouragement of verbal expression, enhancing social interactions.
Self-regulation in two-year-olds is a dynamic process that involves helping children manage emotions and impulses, negotiate play, and cope with challenges. Caregivers and parents play a crucial role in helping two-year-olds navigate and regulate a range of emotions through routines, clear expectations, and by modeling and co-practicing comforting strategies. While two-year-olds may still seek support, they begin to show moments of increased independent soothing and coping.
EARLY CHILDHOOD
The Early Childhood Program at Hathaway Brown School is grounded in the belief that children have an innate joy of discovery and love of learning. Celebrating learning in the moment and providing a rich, dynamic environment ensures young children have the guidance and experiences needed to support all areas of development. Each part of the day brings opportunities to build self-awareness and self-management skills while also fostering social awareness and relationship skills.
Central to the program is the belief that children learn best through play, and learning environments are curated to foster curiosity, exploration, and wonder. In Early Childhood, children engage in free play, participate in prepared learning activities, and interact outside of the classroom as they go about the important business of learning about themselves, others, and their world. As they form the capacities to self-regulate behavior, understand and respond to the needs of others, and successfully interact and develop relationships, they develop a positive self-concept, a tolerance for differences, and a positive classroom community.
Faculty thoughtfully plan activities for young learners to engage in cooperative problem-solving, exchange ideas, and take on new challenges. This approach ensures the interconnection of developmental areas including language acquisition, motor skills, social and emotional development, and cognitive growth, while also acknowledging that progress occurs differently in each individual. Respect for the child and their unique progression of growth and development is central to the program. Learning Progressions, a periodic assessment, provides a measure of progress and reflects on a child’s growth over a two-year continuum.
To thrive, children need a positive and nurturing environment, regular routines, and strong bonds with their families and those who care for them. Early Childhood starts with the relationship between school and home and builds partnerships with families. The result is a kind, caring, and supportive community devoted to giving each young person the best start possible.
Three-Year-Olds Developmental Overview
Three-year-olds begin to demonstrate an emerging independence. Self-help skills become more integrated into the daily routines of dressing, eating, and hygiene. Social play is enjoyable at this age and becomes increasingly interactive, with children engaging in the same activities, such as block-building, with growing collaboration. Role-playing and symbolic play emerge as a means of understanding the expanding social world, and newly developed relationships become an opportunity for deepening self-awareness.
Three-year-olds demonstrate increased coordination and balance, allowing them to walk, run, jump, and climb stairs with greater confidence. They start to develop gross motor skills for things like throwing and catching a ball and fine motor skills for activities such as drawing, coloring, and stacking blocks. Enhanced handeye coordination allows them to turn pages in a book, use utensils during mealtime, and manipulate other small objects.
Language and communication and other areas of cognitive development also flourish at this stage. Three-year-olds engage in basic conversations and ask simple questions with rapidly expanding vocabulary. They show increasing interest in playing with other children, though they still primarily engage in parallel play. They can recognize and express basic emotions like happiness, sadness, and frustration, and they can understand and follow simple routines. They can understand simple causeand-effect relationships, and they are beginning to sort and categorize objects based on basic characteristics. They begin to show preference for certain textures, tastes, and sounds, and they have a developing sense of body awareness.
Three-Year-Olds in School
The three-year-old fully embraces the school experience; they are ready to explore their world. They thrive on classroom routine, often relying on the rituals and routines at home and in the classroom to provide reassuring touchstones as life becomes increasingly complex. At times, these creatures of habit can resist change and benefit from clear, direct instruction.
Though they generally engage in parallel play alongside their peers rather than with them, they are beginning to show an interest in others and like to use their expanding verbal and motor skills in imaginative play. At times their interactions can result in frustration, as they are learning to express emotions but often need help identifying and managing them. Teachers guide children, practicing the Conscious Discipline approach, as they learn self-regulation skills such as sharing and waiting for a turn.
Parenting a Three-Year-Old
Three-year-olds look for structure and can handle transitions easier when they can anticipate the routine. Parents can reinforce structure by establishing clear and consistent routines at home, especially around meal times and bedtime. Parents can also prepare their three-year-old with cues such as, “In ten minutes we will be leaving for school.” Transitional objects, such as stuffed animals or favorite toys, can be helpful in tough moments.
Parents can foster curiosity and increase vocabulary development by asking questions and encouraging children to participate in conversation. For example, “Why do you think that ice melted?” Engaging children in a dialogue about the happenings of their day promotes an awareness of the world around them. Finding ways children can help with daily tasks such as cleaning up their toys and materials, dressing themselves, and helping with meals can encourage independence and responsibility. Children also need opportunities to make choices in their daily experiences,
so setting out two outfits and asking which one the child would like to wear is good practice. Other opportunities may include the books read at bedtime, choice of foods for snack or a game to play. Choices in decision making can be empowering as the child builds self-confidence.
Four-Year-Olds Developmental Overview
A four-year-old can increasingly navigate the world with a more significant skill set and growing competence. The challenge for this age is to develop a level of self-regulation that will become foundational for managing expanding independence and social awareness, as a new wave of testing limits and challenging authority may accompany this deepening sense of self. New fears and anxieties can sometimes emerge as the realization that “bad things can happen” also becomes an extension of greater cognitive ability. Four-year-olds are increasingly able to find multiple solutions to a problem, understand cause and effect relationships, and follow basic logical reasoning. As their selfregulation and coping skills in managing emotions improves, they often strengthen bonds with family and friends and demonstrate loyalty and connection to the important people in their lives.
New abilities to follow basic social rules and increased empathy prepares the way for more sophisticated social interactions such as cooperative play, where individuals work together towards a common goal, rather than competing against each other. This form of play emphasizes teamwork, collaboration, and mutual assistance. Children this age engage in more complex conversations, including storytelling and sharing experiences, as their vocabulary and the ability to articulate thoughts and feelings expands significantly at this time. Four-year-olds create profound and increasingly complex play scenarios, which can become a bridge to a more robust understanding of real life. However, fanciful “storytelling” sometimes concerns parents who feel that this apparent straying from the truth indicates character rather than a developmental stage. This behavior is developmentally appropriate and aids in their cognitive, emotional, and creative development.
A new sense of independence and a desire to take on more responsibilities gives rise to a growing awareness of the world around them. As they continue to explore the environment through various sensory experiences, they are developing preferences for certain textures, tastes, and smells. Their spatial awareness and coordination improve, and they begin to grasp time-related concepts such as days of the week, seasons, and counting, as well as basic shapes.
Four-Year-Olds in School
Four year-olds need a warm, inclusive, and structured environment that promotes a sense of safety and belonging. Classroom activities teach children to recognize and manage their emotions, establish positive relationships, and make responsible decisions. Four yearolds often need guidance with new social skills, and classroom teachers coach students in discussing their behavior and its impact on others, fostering critical thinking about their actions.
Ample time for cooperative play gives four year-olds the opportunity to engage in more complex conversation and storytelling and to stretch their interpersonal skills. Increased responsibility and classroom jobs like Weather Person, Safe Keeper or Snack Helper nurture their growing independence. A text-rich environment and a variety of pre-reading, writing, and counting activities cultivates their sense of wonder and enthusiasm for all the new things they can do. Exploring outdoor spaces such as the herb garden, bird sanctuary, and wooded areas on campus allow opportunities for a variety of sensory experiences and outlets for motor development.
Parenting a Four-Year-Old
Four-year-olds need opportunities to make choices and take on small responsibilities, relishing opportunities to be “helpers.” By assigning small chores like helping with table setting or pet care, parents can create opportunities for independence. Children this age also need to practice their growing awareness of the needs of others and additional social skills. Parents can arrange playdates and group activities to help develop social interactions and teamwork. New cognitive skills can also be reinforced at home by providing stimulating challenges like puzzles, engaging games, and reading together. It is not unusual for a child to revert to younger behavior when parents are around and more mature behavior without parents around. Teachers can share resources that help families learn the language they are using in the classroom, especially around managing emotions and problem solving, can reinforce consistent language and build a bridge to ensure positive social-emotional learning.
Five-Year-Olds Developmental Overview
A five-year-old is a delightful and energetic individual full of natural curiosity and enthusiasm. Physically, they are becoming more agile, with improved motor skills allowing them to run, jump, and engage in various physical activities. They are also developing the enhanced fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination needed for writing, drawing detailed pictures, tying shoelaces, buttoning clothes, and other intricate tasks.
Cognitively, a five-year-old is developing a growing sense of logic, problem-solving skills, and an eagerness to explore and learn. Their language abilities are blossoming with an expanding vocabulary and the ability to express thoughts and ideas more coherently. They can use complex sentence structures which allow for more elaborate storytelling and build the foundation for early reading and writing skills, such as recognizing simple words and attempting to write independently.
As their problem solving skills advance, they begin to plan and organize thoughts in ways that allow them to develop logical reasoning and understand basic mathematical concepts. Advancing numeracy and literacy skills spawn interest in recognizing numbers, counting, basic addition, reading simple books independently, and writing more coherent sentences. They also enjoy more complex puzzles and games that require strategic thinking as well as exploring creativity through art, music, and other forms of self-expression.
Socially, five-year-olds are beginning to navigate relationships, showing an interest in playing with peers and forming simple friendships. They understand and follow social rules and etiquette and demonstrate improved self-regulation and emotional control in various situations. They are developing a sense of empathy and understanding of others’ emotions as well as learning to express and regulate their emotions with increasing independence.
Five-Year-Olds in School
Kindergarteners need a nurturing environment that integrates play-based learning with hands-on experiences. Building on their natural curiosity and exploratory nature, teachers engage students in making observations, forming ideas, and testing conclusions through small group and whole-class instruction.
As their cognitive skills advance, five-year-olds benefit from relating new concepts to prior knowledge and discussing ideas with others. Learning stations give students opportunities to exercise social skills as students learn from each other. Smallgroup learning also supports the five-year-old’s need for taking more responsibility and ownership by centering the learning process on individuals and peer groups.
Storyline
The Storyline teaching approach, developed in Scotland in the 1960s, is an innovative educational method that integrates various subjects into a cohesive narrative framework. The HB Early Childhood Program and Primary School were the first in the region to adopt the innovative Storyline curricular model. Learning is organized around a central story or theme. Students actively participate in the creation and development of the story or project, which promotes ownership of their learning and encourages creativity. Subjects such as language arts, social studies, science, and art are integrated into the story, providing a holistic learning experience that highlights the connections between different areas of knowledge. As the story progresses, students encounter and solve problems related to the plot. Teachers act as facilitators, helping students explore concepts and skills through their involvement in the storyline.
With their growing cognitive skills, five-year-olds need challenges to stretch their logic, problem solving, and strategic thinking, and teachers use a variety of interactive techniques, game-based activities, and manipulatives to expand perspective. Storyline projects also use an inquiry approach that encourages research, writing, creative problem-solving skills, and critical social skills to guide each unit. Throughout the day, frequent “brain breaks” and movement enhance learning, attention, focus, and motor skills.
Parenting a Five-Year-Old
Five-year-olds ask a plethora of questions and have boundless curiosity; sometimes a conversation can seem like an endless quest for “Why?” Their questions are evidence of their rapidly developing vocabulary and expanding awareness of their world. As they are able to understand social expectations and selfregulate, they want, and are ready for, greater independence.
Children learn a lot by observing parents and other adults, and it is important to model positive social interactions, kindness, problem solving, following rules, and meeting responsibilities. Explaining reasons behind rules and boundaries–understanding the “why” behind it–also helps children accept and follow them more readily.
Parents can nurture a five-year-old’s development by creating opportunities for independent choices and responsibilities. Making choices, like deciding on a snack or activity, fosters a sense of control and confidence in decision-making. Opportunities to have an impact on their world by completing tasks like tidying toys or watering plants also encourage independence and responsibility. Building on their expanding world view and improved emotional regulation, playdates and group activities like sports or dance can reinforce the basics of cooperation and resolving conflict while also supporting physical development. While matching their energy can, at times, seem daunting, a stimulating environment that encourages independence balanced with clear boundaries and consistent routines supports healthy habits and positive interactions.
PRIMARY SCHOOL
The Primary School is dedicated to nurturing the holistic development of each child by maintaining a balance between academic excellence and social-emotional growth. Our focus extends beyond academics to cultivate curious, engaged learners and kind, respectful friends.
In promoting character development, we emphasize cooperation, assertiveness, responsibility, empathy, and selfcontrol. Teachers incorporate these values into the Primary School Responsive Classroom approach, providing students with numerous opportunities to practice these essential skills. While grade-level teachers, who are well-versed in developmental stages, lead most character and socialemotional learning (SEL) lessons, all educators share a passion for fostering strong character. They create a safe environment and employ diverse strategies to build a sense of community and guide students on their developmental journey.
To support the diverse needs of teachers and students, the Primary School benefits from a team of professionals, including a school counselor, consulting psychologist, and learning specialists. These experts actively engage with parents, teachers, and students, contributing to our mission of nurturing learning beyond the classroom. Parents are also encouraged to “learn for life” by participating in HB offerings such as speakers and webinars that support all adults in guiding our girls.
Each individual student is supported by a Student Support Team which convenes regularly to discuss the student’s progress. These meetings, involving the director, learning specialists, homeroom teachers, and specialty teachers, foster a collaborative approach to support students both socially and academically. Parents also play an integral role in this team, receiving regular communication to ensure a seamless support system across home and school environments.
KINDERGARTEN
Developmental Overview
Kindergarten serves as the transition from the Early Childhood program to the formal academic setting of the Primary School. A primary objective is to instill a sense of independence in students as they take ownership of their school experience. During this phase, children undergo a shift from an egocentric to an empathetic perspective, showing more awareness of the feelings of others around them.
At school, students acquire skills such as managing impulses and emotions, appreciating others’ thoughts and feelings, sharing, following multistep directions, and making positive choices through daily routines and play. As they are introduced to new social and academic skills, children develop perseverance and resilience. This period sees an increase in both their stamina for the school day and their physical strength, along with the refinement of fine and gross motor skills.
Despite maintaining a literal understanding of the world and language, kindergartners exhibit curiosity. They grasp spatial relationships, personal interactions, and academic concepts, yet may not always share detailed experiences from school with their parents. The development of impulse control is a key aspect, guiding them to make choices and understand the potential positive or negative consequences of their actions.
Kindergartners in School
In kindergarten, the Responsive Classroom C.A.R.E.S traits (cooperation, assertiveness, responsibility, empathy, self-control) serve as a cornerstone. Teachers establish and uphold
consistent daily routines to help children adjust to a structured schedule. Students develop autonomy in self-help tasks, such as navigating the classroom independently, packing their bags, using the bathroom, managing transitions, and handling lunch or snacks.
Concurrently, teachers create opportunities for activities like role-playing, language modeling, socialization, and learning compromise. Purposeful play stations, dramatic play centers, physical education, dance, and swimming contribute to the development of gross motor skills, imagination, creativity, and cooperation skills, including turn-taking.
Social and emotional learning (SEL) lessons are thoughtfully designed to address developmental social skills related to friendships, sharing, conflict management, building self-trust, and resilience. Carefully chosen art activities and hands-on manipulative centers utilize tools like pinchers, scissors, and pencils to enhance fine motor skills.
Academically, kindergarteners exhibit a wide range of skills, with significant growth typically observed in reading, writing, and math skills, particularly around the midpoint of the school year. This period often marks a notable peak in developmental leaps. These activities are complemented by intentional daily quiet times, such as mindful moments, meditation, and yoga, fostering growth in self-reflection and emotional regulation.
Parenting a Kindergartner
Implementing clear, direct language and modeling expected behaviors or multi-step directions aligns with our Responsive Classroom approach, extending its principles to home environments. Posing open-ended questions promotes expanded and descriptive responses rather than simple yes or no answers. For example, “What was the best part/trickiest part of your day?”. Additionally, feedback that names specific actions with detailed descriptions, as opposed to general comments like “great job,” more effectively supports a child’s ongoing development. An example of good feedback might be, “I noticed you used many shades of blue in the drawing of your sky.” Additionally, setting clear boundaries and allowing children to
experience disappointment and loss contribute to their smooth transition into the next stage of development.
As kindergarteners become more independent, parents can encourage self-reliance by reinforcing essential self-help skills such as zipping a coat, tying shoes, dressing independently, and opening snacks. Art activities that promote fine motor development, encouraging writing through tasks like making lists and notes, and engaging children in imaginative play also provide opportunities to practice skills at home. Limiting screen time (TV, iPad, smartphone) in favor of activities such as daily reading aloud, quiet creative play, or mindfulness builds vocabulary, understanding, self-regulation, and overall positive mental health in children.
In this period of rapid growth and development, establishing consistent family routines in the morning and after school provide essential balance and structure. Considering the demanding nature of the school day, families should avoid overscheduling after school activities.
FIRST GRADE
Developmental Overview
In first grade, children undergo rapid cognitive, social, and emotional development, accompanied by continuous improvement in self-control over their body, voice, temper, and overall emotional regulation. Progression is evident as they transition from reacting to challenges with frustration to embracing productive struggle.
First-graders become more adept at self-care, managing materials, and taking on small responsibilities both at school and home. Understanding the varied expectations in different situations becomes clearer to them. While possessing a strong sense of right and wrong, they frequently test limits, necessitating a welldefined system of logical consequences.
First-graders develop an awareness of the needs and perspectives of others, though they may occasionally misinterpret situations with their peers. As they gain a better understanding of alternative viewpoints, they become more receptive to listening and understanding someone else’s side of a story. This stage sees an increased ability in first-graders to reflect, establish meaningful connections, transfer learning from one situation to another, and build on their existing knowledge. Given the rapid growth during this period, it is crucial to provide regular opportunities for creative play, decompression, and recharging.
First-Graders in School
In first grade, the development of a child’s ability to listen and understand others’ opinions is fostered through various means, including group discussions, social and emotional learning (SEL) lessons, clearly established classroom rules, and a consistent system of logical consequences. Teachers play a supportive role in guiding students through the problem-solving process with their peers. Group work and play activities offer valuable lessons in negotiation, turn-taking, sharing materials, and respecting others’ ideas, fostering creativity and imaginative play. This stage is often marked by students exploring different personalities and establishing their voice within the social dynamics of school.
With heightened expectations, first-graders take on increased responsibilities such as managing their desks, maintaining classroom storage spaces, handling homework, and organizing their belongings. Consistent routines provide clarity on expectations, empowering students to complete tasks with growing independence. Discussions on self-control contribute to a clear understanding of its definition and application. By the end of the year, first-graders typically master fine motor skills like using scissors, forming letters and numerals, and handling zippers. Their stamina increases in independent work and reading times, with teachers actively charting and reflecting on their growth as a class and as individuals.
Teachers tailor instruction to cater to a diverse range of students, fostering self-awareness in first graders regarding their strengths and areas for growth. Furthermore, teachers provide opportunities for repeated practice and reflection when introducing new concepts, allowing students to build on prior knowledge. The topics covered instill in students a heightened awareness of the broader world around them.
Parenting a First-Grader
First-graders may sometimes misinterpret situations, so it is crucial for parents to pay attention to their daughter’s stories about school involving her peers. Seeking clarification from the teacher before reacting to these stories is important. Given young girls’ sensitivity and tendency to be dramatic, parents should model calm and rational problem-solving behaviors. Encouraging her to relax and understand the other student’s perspective is essential. Parents can discuss possible strategies for independent problem-solving, emphasizing the significance of fairness and relationships, which are highly valued by first-graders. Offering validation for feelings while providing clear perspective and reflection on social scenarios can be beneficial.
After a busy school day, students often tire, emphasizing the need for parents to create opportunities for downtime. This allows children to decompress and engage imagination, make choices, and learn to manage free time. Reading, painting, drawing,
building, solving puzzles, writing, exploring, and experimenting are encouraged choices, while avoiding overscheduling and limiting screen time are equally important.
To nurture a first-grader’s growing sense of independence, parents can assign small responsibilities at home and establish consistent routines. An after-school routine might involve a simple chore, snack, downtime, homework, dinner, and bedtime prep. Clear rules and expectations, coupled with a consistent system of logical consequences, help in developing self-control. While firstgraders may test limits, parents are encouraged to avoid giving in. In addition to providing unstructured downtime, meaningful daily conversations and interactions are also essential to growth and development. Encouraging a first-grader to think deeply about the world and ask questions is crucial. Parents and children should unplug from devices, be present, and model focus and attention. This is also a good time to support the love of reading at home. Reading aloud is encouraged, along with practicing reading fluency and expression with “just right” books at their level.
SECOND GRADE
Developmental Overview for Second Grade
In second grade, children’s thinking and problem-solving skills undergo significant development. They begin to communicate at a more adult level and show interest in specific activities. Cognitively, they seek reasons behind things, ask questions, understand cause and effect, and make more profound connections. Their attention span grows, allowing them to focus on interests for at least 30 to 45 minutes.
Language development continues steadily, with an expanding vocabulary. By the end of second grade, students comprehend what they read, transitioning from “learning to read” to “reading to learn.” The enhanced vocabulary supports effective communication in problem-solving, both socially and academically. Writing becomes a means for expressing feelings and telling stories.
Socially and emotionally, second grade is pivotal. Girls narrow down their social circles, though friendships can change rapidly. Moments of insecurity and mood swings are common, necessitating constant encouragement. A sense of humor develops, and while independence increases, they still enjoy group activities. Peer influence becomes more significant.
Second-Grader in School
Initially, attention spans are limited, prompting teachers to provide movement breaks and various sitting options. Outdoor time caters to their energetic and social nature. Hand-eye coordination improves, and students learn to read for research, extract information, and take notes. They make deeper connections between topics, enhancing their grasp of larger concepts and problem-solving strategies.
Independence and stamina increase, enabling them to manage bigger projects, follow multi-step directions, and work collaboratively. Encouraging a growth mindset and resilience is crucial, as they may give up when challenged. Students develop self-monitoring and reflective skills, guided by teachers to establish healthy habits in these areas.
Teachers create a safe environment for risk-taking, expression, and reflection. Extensive character-building strategies foster positive relationships, emotional management, and self-control. Consistent routines, cooperative groups, a dedicated time for quiet activities, mindfulness, yoga, and read-aloud sessions are integral to the curriculum.
Parenting a Second-Grader
Friendship, fairness, and feelings matter most to second graders. They may change friends quickly but enjoy group activities. Possessiveness of friendships is common, and same-gender interactions are preferred. Some experience growth spurts, increased self-awareness, and emotional fluctuations, requiring patience from parents. Maintaining routines is crucial, as secondgraders may test boundaries but show resilience in the face of mistakes.
Interest in rules, logic, and fairness makes parenting easier. They still enjoy being read to, playing board games, and engaging in imaginative play. Academically and socially, this age provides a clearer understanding of strengths and areas of growth, making it an opportune time to explore areas of support and challenge for a successful transition to upper elementary grades and middle school.
THIRD GRADE Developmental Overview
Third-graders are enthusiastic learners who enjoy the routines and procedures of the school day. Academically, this is a transitional year in which students are challenged with more complex concepts. While previous school years emphasize fluency, third grade develops reading skills through higher-level comprehension strategies. Writing becomes more structured, and spelling and grammar conventions are enforced. In math class, teachers provide an opportunity to share thinking strategies; students are encouraged to utilize various problemsolving methods and teachers guide them to identify the most efficient approach.
As an emergent curriculum, Storyline invites students to add their voice and ideas, and at the third grade level, students are guided to apply skills, learn to analyze deeply, and make connections across content areas and socially/emotionally. Growth mindset and the brain science connected to how we learn are intentionally taught to this age as they are now more developmentally ready to assess how they learn. Teachers often see girls embrace this new academic role. Socially, girls branch beyond one best friend to navigate a group of close friends. They begin to group themselves by shared interests.
Third-Graders in School
In the classroom, third-graders enjoy discussing topics and relish the opportunity to share their work and ideas, making for successful outcomes in group work and collaborative projects. Their enthusiasm and imagination provide a fine match for their developing sense of humor.
Socially, third-graders can maintain a group of good friends. The school counselor and homeroom teachers work together to create opportunities to role play and directly address social navigation, self care, and other helpful strategies for being a positive community member and successful student.
Third-graders have an awareness of rules and fairness, but they still need adult support in setting boundaries and establishing realistic goals. Homeroom teachers continue to implement a morning meeting routine during which girls are recognized by teachers and peers, the daily schedule is introduced, and expectations are set. Classroom ownership is encouraged through jobs and a subsequent jobs report.
Project-based curriculum, small-group work time, and opportunities to share problem-solving strategies teach thirdgraders to collaborate and share ideas. Mindful moments, yoga, and other self-help skills are integrated throughout the day to promote overall healthy mental habits.
Parenting a Third-Grader
Girls this age are full of enthusiasm and energy, with a work hard/play hard ethic. Parents need to provide opportunities for downtime and ensure plenty of sleep. A girl’s social life can shift from having one best friend to a group of friends; she learns how to “share” friends and to be comfortable with her friends branching out. Parents should encourage, in partnership with the school, having their child identify trusted adults. A trusted adult can be a teacher, a coach, aunt, or uncle, for example. Helping girls identify a school adult they feel comfortable going to for support is essential.
Encouraging responsibility and independence at home is crucial. With small reminders parents can support their third-grader in managing their daily HB Planners, using myHB to cross check assignments, organize their homework, pack their bags with school supplies and activity equipment, and advocate for their needs in both the academic and social-emotional domains.
FOURTH GRADE
Developmental Overview
Fourth-graders still think at a literal level; however, during the year some may begin to demonstrate more abstract and conceptual thinking. They begin to view school as a more serious endeavor, so they may become more competitive or struggle with increasing academic expectations. Rule-following is very important, as is the concept of fairness. Moral development emerges as they try to determine what is right and wrong and negotiate the gray area in between. They become interested in the wider world around them, particularly current events.
Many fourth-graders experience a growth spurt during this year and begin puberty. They are sometimes insecure and awkward in handling their bodies, demonstrating a lack of coordination and a reluctance to accept their new shapes. They may wear baggy shirts or sweaters and adopt overly modest changing habits, especially in the locker rooms.
Frequent mood swings with little provocation often come with puberty. Emotional reactions are initially strong but dissipate quickly. Fourth-graders can feel as though everyone is looking at them and judging them; they begin to worry about their body size and shape, clothing, and hair. They realize that they are not the best at everything, and they compare themselves to others. This can be a stressful time that results in insecurity and a loss of self-confidence.
Anxiety about growing up and trying to figure out where they fit in becomes common. Fear of what others think about them can lead to reduced creativity and a lack of risk-taking in their work.
Friendships and popularity become important, cliques begin to form, and peer pressure can become a concern.
Fourth-graders may also begin to assert more independence, wanting to do their homework on their own and trying to solve their friendship problems without parental interference. However, they do not want to stray too far; they still need a feeling of security.
Fourth-Graders in School
Since fourth grade is a transition year, students start to think about middle school and its potential challenges. They have many questions and begin to realize that they need to step up their game. As a result, this year is often one of great academic growth and development of abstract and conceptual thinking. Students begin to apply their skills to longer and more complex projects and independent work. Formal assessments, which require them to develop solid study habits, also take on increasing importance. Both academic and athletic competitiveness becomes evident.
Fourth-graders love to challenge themselves physically and mentally. They want to be more responsible and take more control of themselves. In effect, they begin to distance themselves from their parents when it comes to their social life and schoolwork. Greater control over small details also becomes important. As the “elders” of the Primary School, they begin to develop leadership skills and strategies, taking on leadership roles.
Students can work together cooperatively, but negotiating the ground rules, planning, and agreeing on directions often take longer than the activity itself. They are curious, and often anxious, about how things work and why things happen. Jumping quickly
between interests and trying out something new is common, but they are also capable of focusing on one activity.
Social cliques begin to form, and the notion of popularity becomes important. This leads to increased friendship drama, particularly on the playground. Feelings are easily hurt, and friends often feel compelled to become involved in disputes. Problem-solving conferences support girls as they talk through their feelings and figure out how to resolve their issues. Additional support may be given to help them make a plan if they can’t manage it themselves.
Looking ahead to middle school, teachers focus on helping students develop the social, emotional, and cognitive skills they will need to succeed in fifth grade. Students face higher expectations regarding their work, and some equate finishing their work quickly with being “smart,” racing through assignments and expressing reluctance to reflect upon, revise, and edit their work. With some finding it difficult to persevere and recover when faced with a physical or academic challenge, teachers stress a growth mindset and encourage parents to allow their daughters to struggle and solve problems in a safe setting.
Some fourth-graders use social media as well as texting and apps like Snapchat to communicate. Because girls this age may have trouble reading social cues—even in person—they are not ready to interpret and manage the subtle meanings behind texts, for example. They also do not fully grasp the reach and possible negative effects social media may have or the safety issues involved.
Students need to be taught responsible and appropriate uses of technology. For example, school counselors visit the classroom several times a year to help students develop self-advocacy, solve social issues, and properly use age-appropriate technology. Faculty also work with the students in class to correctly use websites for research and email accounts for schoolwork. All teachers model and insist on responsible and safe use of technology.
Likewise, fourth-graders, especially those with older siblings, sometimes want to read books and watch movies that may be inappropriate or frightening. Parental guidance and monitoring is imperative. Young-adult literature and themes can also be too complex, and students may not know how to think about or deal with the information presented. At this time, teachers encourage age-appropriate materials by providing reading webs, time in the classroom library, trips to the school library, and reading lists of books that students can pursue in their free time.
Fourth-graders’ awareness of, and sometimes insecurity about, their bodies and physical changes are dealt with informally during class discussions and formally as part of our health curriculum. Girls may have numerous physical complaints, some of which are real, but many of which are exaggerated. Teachers coach students in handling these complaints on their own and maintaining perspective.
As they mature, fifth-graders grow increasingly interested in taking on responsibilities, but they do not always have the ability to follow through with projects. Helping them to plan ahead, break the project into manageable pieces, and schedule their work is important at this stage. Supervised leadership projects (such as student council) are made available to them; these provide guidance and encourage the development of leadership skills and strategies in a safe and appropriate setting.
In pursuing many interests, fourth-graders sometimes become overscheduled and struggle to give their best effort on homework assignments. Teachers give direct instruction and guide students in developing study skills and strategies. If difficulties persist, a family conference can help the student become more successful by developing positive habits.
Parenting a Fourth-Grader
As fourth graders start to develop more complex social skills and a deeper understanding of interpersonal dynamics, effective communication becomes essential. By fostering open, honest, and supportive communication about activities and school and
with their friends, parents can help children build the confidence and skills needed in the more complex social and emotional encounters ahead.
Asking clarifying questions and taking care to avoid overreacting are fundamental to helping children develop the “tool kit” needed as they become more comfortable working through issues on their own. By directing questions about school to their daughters first, parents can demonstrate confidence in her selfmanagement and foster their student’s developing sense of responsibility. Parents can also look to find answers with their student on the class page of myHB as a way of supporting selfreliance and independence.
Allowing girls to struggle, and even fail, and then recover, promotes resilience. Parents are encouraged to engage in discussions with their student about how it feels to persevere, survive, and learn from problems.
Parents need to support a positive homework environment with handy supplies, a space conducive to work, and free time each night. They should foster a culture at home that values school as the student’s “job.” It is important for parents and students to check myHB and their HB planners to see nightly homework, extended assignments, and upcoming important dates, as well as to find much of the classroom work for emergency printing at home. Schoolwork can be balanced with household responsibilities; this is a good time for chores.
In fourth grade, children become increasingly exposed to outside influences through expanding social circles, the internet, and media, and the potential for both positive and negative impact on their development grows. Parents must remain vigilant, monitoring these external influences to ensure their child’s wellbeing. Checking websites such as Common Sense Media helps parents learn about what their daughter might encounter in various books, movies, and video games. Social use of phones and iPads is discouraged at these ages; devices are not permitted during the school day.
MIDDLE SCHOOL
The middle school years, ages 10-14, are often the most dynamic in child and adolescent development. Middle schoolers experience significant changes that shape their social, emotional, physical, and cognitive landscapes. Though seemingly in constant flux, the interplay among these areas forms the foundation of a middle school student’s identity and capabilities. Concurrently, their interest in others and the world around them expands, driving curiosity, moral development, and a true desire to decide who they are going to be.
Physically, the onset of puberty brings about rapid physical changes that can be both exciting and challenging for young adolescents– and their parents! These changes include growth spurts, the development of secondary sexual characteristics, and an increased focus on body image. As their bodies change, middle schoolers must adjust to new physical realities and learn to appreciate and care for their evolving selves. Changing hormones, sleep patterns, and eating habits can impact family, school, and social relationships.
Cognitively, middle schoolers begin to develop abstract thinking sporadically, with flashes of higher-order reasoning occurring alongside the more concrete and egocentric patterns of the younger years. Middle schoolers also start to question the world around them, wanting clear and concise answers which often conflict with their growing awareness of perspective and point of view. Forming ideas and opinions often leads to more questions, and hard, fast answers become elusive.
Developing relationships beyond the primary construct of family marks a pivotal moment in the social development of adolescents. Often eschewing the friendships of their childhood, middle school students begin to forge deeper and more complex relationships with peers, seeking acceptance and belonging in their social circles. The influence of friendships intensifies, and students start to navigate the nuances of social hierarchies and peer pressure. This period is crucial for developing social skills, empathy, and a sense of community– and is often fraught with missteps and mistakes.
Emotionally, middle schoolers encounter a whirlwind of feelings, often characterized by increased sensitivity and self-awareness. They begin to explore their own identities, grapple with selfesteem issues, and develop coping mechanisms for stress and anxiety. Understanding and managing emotions becomes a vital skill as they strive for greater independence and self-reliance. As partners, parents and educators can recognize milestones and support adolescents in navigating this sometimes tumultuous stage with confidence and resilience.
FIFTH GRADE
Developmental Overview
A fifth-grader’s perception of self and others evolves through the year as they grow to recognize who they are as learners, friends, and community members. They have begun to differentiate themselves from their peers and define themselves by their skills and interests. They are still mostly friends with everyone, but are starting to form deeper friendships around common interests.
On the precipice of adolescence, fifth-graders encounter new and, at times, confusing physical and emotional territory. They experience heightened emotions–anxiety, sensitivity, excitement–but often do not know how to manage those feelings. They are young at heart and sometimes unaware of their growing bodies in spaces. They might fall out of chairs for no reason, trip over untied shoelaces, and have a difficult time carrying many items at once. Their struggles are often as endearing as they are real and challenging.
At the beginning of the school year, fifth-grade girls generally follow rules and strive to please teachers; they are excited about everything and work to advocate for themselves. They are fun, silly, and willing to take chances, but also need routine and clear expectations. They interpret life as not always fair, no matter how the adults in their lives try to make things fair, and they encounter disappointments that, while hopefully small at this stage, ultimately promote self-reliance and resilience.
Starting out, teachers check agendas and homework folders daily to develop good routines and habits for the rest of the students’ time in the Middle School. Midway through the year, students become more self-sufficient; they are proud to take responsibility for their independence. They set goals and work with teachers to meet them, and they are increasingly able to manage academic feedback that might be critical or nudge them to grow. They are learning what it means to be a student—to work smart, not just hard.
Fifth-graders are polarized with technology: some are starting to get interested in phones, chats, and social media, and others still want to play with their stuffed animals, create imaginative stories, or re-enact dramas they read about or watched. Having access to personal cell phones or iPads, social media accounts, and group text threads, sometimes complicates the social scene with students learning about birthday or slumber parties they were not invited to and what others are doing or not doing. Though natural at this stage, changes in friendships and social groupings can be challenging for both students and parents.
By the end of the year, fifthgraders have become more invested in the opinions of peers than in those of the teacher. Though most have the homework and agenda routines ingrained into their days, they are often less mindful of the learning environment and their responsibilities. Some begin taking risks without feeling overly self-conscious and have started to figure out how to work the system; thus, they do not always follow the rules.
Fifth-Graders in School
Fifth-graders want to do well in school and are learning how to understand grades. They often hyperfocus on one grade and can overreact to a bump in an assessment or forgotten homework assignment. They are still curious about learning, and they enjoy making and creating projects, presenting their work, and having opportunities to choose projects, novels, or groups. Students develop individual presentation skills at this age, and small-group work can teach them both collaboration and accountability.
Fifth-graders recognize that they do have a voice and a say in a community of older students. Interacting with their teachers, they begin to answer questions in a way that reflects real understanding. They love their teachers and hesitate to complain about them, and most find one or two adults with whom they feel comfortable communicating. While they may worry about their peers knowing they have talked with an adult, they still trust in the process. Navigating freedoms can be challenging at this time, so students need clear boundaries and consequences.
Parenting a Fifth-Grader
The most common issues with parenting a fifth-grader are rooted in the push away from parental guidance and towards developing one’s own voice. While fifth-graders want to manage more things on their own, parents can help when academic or social issues enter new territory.
Parents can learn to help their daughter advocate for herself, coaching her on how to email or talk to a teacher when she needs help with an assignment or guidance in social situations. Parents must be supportive of their daughter’s academic work, helping her balance long-term assignments and communicating with teachers when big projects are not going well at home.
Parents can also be helpful in developing social skills and working to understand the transition between the Primary and Middle Schools. Social activities are no longer called playdates and include sleepovers, athletics, and outings (going to the mall, bowling, etc.)
At this stage, it is important for parents to monitor and help manage social media accounts, as girls often accidentally end up in friendship dilemmas and cannot figure out how to fix them.
Technology—those who have it versus those who do not— affects these social interactions as girls are learning how communication differs digitally and in person.
Many students use media on their devices, often unbeknownst to their parents. Parents who actively monitor their child’s digital communications are able to help work through sticky situations.
SIXTH GRADE
Developmental Overview
Sixth grade is often considered the golden year of childhood. With roots in the imagination and joy of childhood, sixth-graders are developing into adolescents, becoming curious about the world around them. They are often beginning to question their identity and ask “why” when it comes to complicated concepts.
As the school year begins, students worry about not breaking the rules. They want their teachers and classmates to like them. A desire to look “pretty” is evident as they decorate their agendas, binders and lockers. They are concrete thinkers, not risk-takers; they do not tolerate ambiguity, and they are often not open to suggestions. Early in the year, sixth-graders are still quite literal and do not understand sarcasm, often getting their feelings hurt and hurting others’ feelings as they learn to develop this sense.
Similarly, the sixth-grade world view starts very self-centered; they often first ask how something affects them. Though seemingly incongruous, they frequently stand up for each other as they learn to advocate for themselves by starting with advocating for others (even when they do this inappropriately or in the wrong settings.
Throughout the year, most conflicts are of a social nature. Friendships change, but are elementary; there are not as many cliques. Girls still have friendships and activities based on their parents’ relationships, but this tends to change through the course of the year. Instead, friendships begin to stem from their own individual interests.
Most sixth-graders have integrated school responsibilities into their daily routines. They are developing systems of organization in their lockers and “mobile desks” (Trappers), and they are also learning digital organization skills. They exhibit a wide range of these skills: some manage their time wisely and know how to use their lockers, agendas and trappers, while others struggle. This can bring executive function issues to light. Some are stubborn about their methods of studying, but they learn through experience that their methods might be outdated.
Sixth grade marks a technological milestone, as it is the first year when students are expected to manage school iPads at home. Many have cell phones and some become quite tech-savvy. They learn to use technology as an academic tool, though personal use is focused on gaming and social media.
Sixth-graders grow increasingly confident testing the waters of independence toward the end of the year. They are encouraged to make decisions based on what they want as an individual, not as part of a friendship group. For the first time, they have choices for electives in seventh grade. While they are interested in what courses their friends will take, they choose theirs based on their own interests.
Sixth-Graders in School
Sixth-graders often grapple with understanding what it means to be a community member and with navigating relationships. In the fall, they act more immature than they ended in fifth grade, always wanting to please the teacher and follow the rules. By spring, they are angsty and ready to move on.
This is the year when teachers and advisors use curriculum to teach community building, teamwork, and interpersonal relationships. As thinkers, sixth-graders remain curious and enraptured by the curriculum; they ask a series of questions that dig deeper into issues. They are less interested in “getting through” many topics and attempt to turn all assignments into group assignments, as they are social in nature. They will take risks among their peers, but they want the finished product for their teachers to be “right.”
Sixth-graders are pleasers, needing to get approval from their teachers on a job well done, the correct answer, and being a good student. They look to establish their own systems of organization, studying, and time management within the school structure. Sixth-graders still have weak study skills, despite their confidence in them, and benefit from repeated direct instruction in how to vary study skills for different academic tasks.
As the year progresses, sixth-graders take significant steps toward independence, seeking to make decisions about electives, course work, and extracurriculars that are independent of their teachers or parents. By the end of the year, they don’t typically need or seek as much approval from teachers. The relationship moves to one where the students update their teachers on their plans, intentions, and goals but do not seek advice or reward.
Parenting a Sixth-Grader
Parenting a sixth grader requires a balance of support and allowing independence achieved by creating an environment where children feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings without judgment. At this stage, parents become concerned about bullying, which frequently centers around a girl
being nudged out of a friendship group. Often, as sixth-graders begin to push limits, parents begin to compare their daughter’s behavior to that of other students and sometimes strive to manage the behavior of everyone. This is the stage where parents can begin to transition to coach, helping their child think through problems and solutions that will feel natural to her, uphold the family value system, and also to follow her own independent path.
Establishing and modeling boundaries and advising children on how to self-advocate—with teachers regarding academics and with friends regarding social activities—are important parenting tools, which help children build confidence and life skills. Because their daughter thirsts for independence, parents sometimes want to communicate with teachers without her knowing, and teachers can be a source for perspective on social and academic issues.
Students start using social media to build and maintain relationships, which become less in the parents’ control. It is encouraged, and appropriate, for parents to limit their daughter’s time on devices and engage in some oversight in communications, as girls will often find themselves in a quandary for how to respond to information, rumors, or gossip.
SEVENTH GRADE
Developmental Overview
The social world of a seventh grader takes priority over the academic world. At this age, girls primarily want to discover who they are. Experimenting with various versions of who they want to be and who they are comfortable being can result in an identity crisis. Consequently, seventh-graders can be unpredictable, emotional, and hard to read. They can be moody and introverted, and they often limit themselves to one-word answers (and sometimes one-syllable grunts and noises) both at school and at home. They often need a push to extrapolate.
Seventh-graders’ major growth spurts—cognitive and physical— can sap their energy, leaving them tired, hungry, and depleted. At the same time, many are ready to engage in higher-order
thinking, take on projects, and dive deeper into academics. They are increasingly independent in their studies and look ahead to new challenges. They constantly need a physical outlet, many play on a school athletic team for the first time, in addition to other extracurricular activities.
This is often their first brush with the concept of time management— school, social engagements, and activities. Additionally, seventh-graders are capable of more responsibilities and leadership, such as being president of a club. However, their priorities are sometimes much different from those of the adults involved in their lives, and they can have periods of functioning efficiently in one area while lapsing in others.
Seventh-graders often push boundaries as they learn how to make responsible decisions. Their uniforms are stained, messy, and rolled at the waist. Their bedrooms and lockers are intentionally left messy as a statement of their independence. Communication is awkward, especially with adults. Girls this age do not want their parents involved in their decision-making, so instead, they seek help from friends. They will often make mistakes before learning how to reliably manage situations and their own responses.
At this stage, most, if not all, seventh-graders have access to personal technology and use it as a primary source of communication. They prefer to connect with peers over adults, and often try to solve problems without adult interference.
Seventh-graders have a strong sense of self, but struggle to extrapolate that sense to their standing socially, often selfisolating instead of bonding over challenges. Friends, food, and fairness matter most to them, but they often confuse what is fair with what is equal. At this stage, managing time, worrying about friendships (specifically, social standing), and exploring selfidentity are their greatest challenges.
Seventh-Graders in School
In September, almost all seventh-graders have developed a system to keep track of assignments, studying, and due dates. Students are eager to step into independence, demonstrating that they can make their own decisions and choices. Relationships become tamer, mostly sorted by quantity versus quality. Friends are incredibly important, as socializing is the most valued activity.
Seventh-graders become grade focused, feeling like it is the beginning of “school counting.” They will often mask when they do not perform well with an attitude of not caring or of “planned unpreparedness.” For example, they may cover for not earning the grade they desired by saying they didn’t study for a quiz or write a rough draft for a paper.
By the middle of the year, students may choose to trade the school-issued agenda for one more suited to their personality—but they still use it routinely. Lockers, for the most part, are organized, but they need to be prompted routinely to clean them. Now they begin pushing limits regarding their uniform, perhaps incurring minor infractions by wearing sweatshirts from other schools and name brands with logos.
At the same time, girls often seem to become more introverted. They view issues with friends as their own business, not their teachers’, but some intervention is still needed. Responses to questions or corrective directions are usually greeted with silence but compliance.
Most seventh-graders still lean on teachers for support, but others need encouragement to do so. Some develop nervousness when meeting with adults. Their work becomes private, and they often do not want to share it with their parents.
Over the course of the year, seventh-graders enter periods of extreme mood swings—happy and giddy one moment, subdued and depressed the next. Eye rolls and cheeky, snarky attitudes are in full bloom, even in school. This often marks the shift from age 12 to 13. Often, girls may say they are bored, but they are excited about the new freedoms of being a teenager.
Parenting a Seventh-Grader
Seventh grade is a big jump from sixth grade in relation to time management, homework (in terms of both quality and quantity), and accountability. Additionally, students are managing school expectations, extracurricular obligations, and a thriving social world. Growing minds and bodies require healthy food choices and frequent physical activity. Taking part in organized sports can also help students manage their time and engage with peers outside the classroom. Though they want independence, seventh-graders benefit from parental guidance in making healthy decisions.
At this time, it is important to establish deep listening skills with your teen, and parents should encourage their daughter to expand on her thoughts beyond one-word answers. Seventh graders begin to withdraw and emerge with unanticipated (often unwarranted) emotion, so listening first is key to establishing a strong relationship. They may still need coaching as they deal with friendship issues and other struggles. Dealing with technology and other distractions both at home and at school requires a combined effort on the part of the adults in their lives.
In the classroom, students begin to gain increased cognitive ability—inferencing, explaining and analyzing—but at home they may be terse and distant. Parents might wonder “What is wrong with my kid?” or “My kid is smart, but why is she failing?” (or “Why is she not getting an A?”). When parents have an open dialogue with their daughter and teachers, these issues can be resolved.
Parents can be more helpful leaning into their role as a parent rather than playing the part of a friend. Reading between the lines instead of asking many questions gives a child the opportunity to change her mind, determine how she feels, and articulate what she needs. While parenting a seventh-grader requires an incredible amount of patience and finesse, it is the foundation of the relationship that will carry through the teen years.
EIGHTH GRADE
Developmental Overview
Eighth graders are excited to be leaders and at the height of their middle school experience. This year is marked by a greater push for independence and preparation for upper school. Compared to seventh-graders, eighth-graders often exhibit a stronger sense of self, defined social circles, and increased focus on academics. While they can be cautious and anxious about moving out of their comfort zones, they also begin to seek more autonomy, testing boundaries and expressing a stronger desire for privacy.
Social dynamics become increasingly complex with peer relationships playing a crucial role in their lives. Although they struggle to include new friends into their circle, they want to have a positive influence on their peers. Mostly they are unsure and often wrong, but confident. Halfway through the year, students have settled in a group, and there is little cross-group movement. Though established in groups, they are not competitive with each other and co-exist in the community well.
Each student’s place in the social structure of school is fairly entrenched, and all of the students see themselves as certain types. Thriving on the social structures they have developed, they have a strong social awareness and can astutely understand complex social situations.
Social conflicts often take place behind the scenes, so it is harder for teachers to know or help. Girls this age do not want to stand up to friends lest social consequences follow. Talking to adults about issues is sometimes seen as a betrayal. They might instead seek support in secret, asking teachers or parents to intervene without saying who asked for help.
Academically, the curriculum becomes more demanding, requiring better time management and study skills. A common dilemma for eighth-graders is that they want learning to come easily but also learn advanced subjects; the two do not readily coexist. In many ways, this is a reflection of how they feel: they want to be grown-up (as they perceive it), but they also do not necessarily want to take on the real responsibilities of adulthood. There is a certain amount of holding onto childish behavior patterns as they experiment with what it means to be an adult.
Eighth-graders yearn to be considered as equals to their grownups, but are still developing the management skills to take on that responsibility. They practice risky behaviors, especially in the social realm on the weekends or between eighth and ninth grade. They begin to develop more intimate or romantic relationships and/or deeper friendships. Interestingly, eighthgraders live in the paradox of wanting to be independent and left alone by adults, but also crave connection and need to know their support systems are near.
Parents should provide consistent support while encouraging self-reliance, promoting open communication, and remaining involved in their academic and social lives.
What matters most to eighth-graders is social acceptance. They want teachers to like them, but are not seeking solely to please, as they did in sixth grade. Eighth-graders are fairly confident they can manage everything themselves, rarely asking for help without trying out a situation first. They want to be correct in their selfmanagement and are often surprised when they make a mistake.
Eighth-Graders in School
Girls this age want teachers to like them, but also to give them independence. Most girls do learn to talk to the adults in their life, although it may be initially intimidating because they fear judgment. Students who do not trust teachers at the beginning of the year normally reconsider. Eighth-graders have developed systems for managing their busy workloads and feel more proactive than they did in seventh grade. Most of them want to be organized and responsible; they enjoy balancing their school and home lives.
Eighth-graders become more detail-oriented and expressive in their schoolwork. Academics become challenging, and not all students know how to manage that at first. They move from seeing schoolwork as easy to not being able to succeed merely by paying attention. At this time, learning moves away from memorization to more in-depth (and unfamiliar) thought processes. By April, students want to be known as smart and as learners; they like having a grown-up voice. Spring is the peak time for developmental leaps, which may also trigger regressive behavior. The unknowns of the Upper School looming on the horizon can be anxiety inducing.
In the spring, eighth-graders are academically exhausted, but they have a tremendous sense of their abilities and accomplishments. They are ready to take on high school but are also terrified at the thought of such a huge transition. They have grown their social and emotional intelligence, are ready for the next leap, and nervous all the same.
Parenting an Eighth-Grader
Eighth-grade students are technologically advanced and use social media outlets as a primary form of communication. They are often operating on multiple modes: school devices, gaming devices, cell phones, etc.; they can quickly move to the newest fad. Parents must remember that their daughter will always manage to stay ahead of what they know about technology. However, they sometimes struggle with using devices as academic tools, despite their dependence on them.
The phone can become a significant source of conflict. Indeed, girls this age need help managing their growing independence and understanding their relationship with technology. However, using the phone as the primary source of consequence can have disastrous effects, as it cuts the students off from all social connection.
At this stage, parents should consider developing family expectations for communication and coaching. While eighthgraders want to make all their choices independently, they do not yet have the forward and consequential thinking skills necessary to see beyond the moment. They often need their parents to suggest ways to meet long-term goals, not making choices for them, but coaching them to make the right choices and take advantage of the opportunities they might otherwise ignore.
Students who participate in traveling team sports find much of their lives driven by these activities. Most eighth-graders refuse to go to socials, a stance that often conflicts with their parents’ desire for them to practice social skills. Slumber parties generally decrease at this age. Instead, girls develop interest in co-ed events, which can present more opportunities for experimentation and require a new level of supervision.
Parents might feel that their daughter’s peers engage in risky behaviors that they do not approve of, but they struggle to understand that their daughter might also be experimenting. They often deal with a child who makes her own plans and
informs them afterward. Parents sometimes want the school to get involved in social behaviors. At this time, parents also deal with the looming reality of high school. Accordingly, they want to know the available choice of high school classes. Parents worry about life over the next four years—and beyond. Balancing support with opportunities for independence is key to helping eighth-graders transition smoothly into high school.
UPPER SCHOOL
The school motto—“We learn not for school, but for life”— permeates all aspects of the Upper School at Hathaway Brown. This inspiration becomes critically important to students ages 14-18 especially in the areas of decision-making, self-management, self-awareness, social awareness, and relationship skills. Lessons infuse these skills throughout the core curriculum, athletic initiatives, wellness curriculum, experiential offerings, and the Fellowships in Applied Studies. Resources dedicated to mentor groups, wellness classes, and student support staff further underscore a commitment to the social-emotional well-being of students.
Faculty and staff work closely with parents to ensure that students develop self-confidence and autonomy during these important years before college. The school-parent partnership lays the foundational support students need to handle the increased independence and responsibility of Upper School. Moreover, this support system allows students to take risks, and sometimes fail, as they build the scaffolding and resiliency needed to succeed at HB and in the world beyond school.
Students and families will typically note some differences in the Upper School experience, as compared to life in Middle school. In the Upper School, every student belongs to a mentor group of approximately 8-11 students, led by a mentor who follows the students for all four years. Their mentor serves as a guide through their high school years, a liaison between home and school, a source of support, and an advocate as students encounter social, emotional, and academic situations.
Mentors work closely with their mentees to coach them on how to negotiate the increasing challenges and workload of the Upper School. Mentors and parents can further encourage students to advocate for themselves with teachers by reaching out for support when needed. The stakes often feel higher in Upper School, as students are looking ahead to college and beyond. Learning to greet success with grace and failures with a growth mindset helps students develop resilience and perseverance.
Finally, Upper School students are encouraged to speak their minds both in class and in the community. This emerging confidence and self-advocacy comes with the need to practice the skills of civil discourse. Mentor time in the Upper School is frequently dedicated to activities that allow students to engage in connecting, listening, and perspective-taking.
NINTH GRADE
Developmental Overview
According to developmental psychologist Robert Kegan, ninthgraders are in the stage of the “interpersonal self.” In other words, they devote their psychological and developmental energy to becoming intensely social creatures, as parents of young teenagers often testify. By this grade, most girls have developed the rudiments of a social persona for navigating adolescent society. Still, they remain concerned with being “normal” and finding their place relative to their peers. They may have difficulty tolerating differences and deviations from the social norm.
Along with increasingly important peer relationships, young teenagers begin to seek independence and grow beyond the childhood notion of identity rooted in the context of family. At this point in their lives, teens begin to spend the majority of their time outside the home and become increasingly capable of forming relationships with adults beyond the immediate family. Teachers, coaches, and other adults serve as mentors and take on some responsibility for guiding the young person toward adulthood.
The cognitive growth teens experience during these years also has a notable impact on their social and emotional development. Psychologist Jean Piaget identified age 14 as the most likely time for the emergence of formal logical cognition, including abstract thinking and reasoning. This development expresses itself in the ninth-grader’s ability to begin grasping the bigger picture of things such as the connection between action and consequence and the implicit deeper meaning of narrative, for example.
In the interpersonal sphere, this emergent cognitive capacity means that ninth-graders can now do a better job of understanding motives and intentions from multiple points of view. In the self-management sphere, it means that they exhibit more executive function, as in managing the interconnected matrix of activities, social life, and schoolwork.
However, Piaget also noted—and this is crucial to understanding the psychology of the ninth-grader—that these cognitive changes establish themselves in a very uneven fashion. Thus, while a ninthgrade student may exhibit many abilities, she is unlikely to do so across the board, or with any consistency. A ninth-grader may exhibit a capacity to grasp the bigger picture and to appreciate different points of view in a classroom discussion, but then operate at a much more concrete and egocentric level in the management of real-life interactions.
The cognitive and interpersonal maturity associated with abstract reasoning emerges sporadically in occasional flashes of insight and reflection. Over time, these flashes become more frequent, but it is not until later in the high school and college years that this mode of thinking achieves consistency.
Ninth-Grader in School
Entering high school is a great adolescent ritual, and the transition from Middle to Upper School is a significant moment for everyone. Students who got by on their natural talents in Middle School often find that they now need to work harder to achieve the same results. At the same time, students must study and work with a new level of independence; in the Upper
School, students have more free, unstructured time. Learning to manage this freedom is one of the fundamental tasks of ninth grade.
Ninth grade also brings changes in the social hierarchy and sets new parameters for social life. Whereas the eighth grade social scene is run by 14-year-olds, ninth-graders step into a world where 18-year-olds top the social echelons. At Hathaway Brown, an influx of 40 to 45 new students in the ninth grade year can quickly change existing friendship groups. Multi-grade activities, sports, and classes also expose ninth-graders to fresh ideas and new people.
At the beginning of the year, a ninth-grader may worry about having friends and finding a group that accepts her. It is normal for ninth-graders to “try on” new friends and friend groups during these first years of high school. They may also experiment with these evolving personas and friendships in digital spaces. As their audience of viewers increases in high school, adults need to continue to discuss the healthy use of social media and intervene if necessary.
Wellness Class, an important part of the ninth grade curriculum, establishes a cornerstone for developing the soft skills students need to navigate these changes as well as those to come. In this class, topics address the critical social-emotional competencies of self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision-making. These topics include and are not limited to: time management skills, stress management, sleep hygiene, nutrition, social media, conflict resolution skills, relationship dynamics, inclusive sexuality, mental health, drug and alcohol use and prevention, and more.
Mentoring a Ninth-Grader
A vital part of the mentor/student/family relationship, the mentor is the student’s advocate for the next four years and a liaison between the school and the family. Parents/guardians and students are encouraged to come to their mentor for all questions and concerns. The mentor is ideally positioned to address issues raised by both parents and students.
Mentors can normalize the “jitters” that go along with the transition to the Upper School—especially the changing social dynamics (“I have no friends!”) and academic concerns (“I’m going to fail!”). Students should be reminded that even twelfth-graders deal with these feelings and that learning to cope with this transition is an important life lesson.
Ninth-graders need concrete advice and coping skills to deal with issues such as completing an increasing amount of homework, managing free time during the school day, and dealing with friendships. For example, a mentor can help a student alleviate the worries about a challenging workload by helping a student create a study schedule for exams that balances studying, sleeping, self-care, and stress-management. Mentors support these areas and also help students to recognize and identify their strengths and accomplishments. It is important to begin these conversations in September and continue them as needed throughout the school year.
Ninth-graders sometimes fear talking to a teacher; mentors can help to bridge that gap by coaching students on how to contact teachers directly and how to be proactive about their learning styles. In an effort to help each student find her niche, mentors will often encourage students to join clubs, sports, and activities offered by the Fellowships in Applied Studies. Mentors emphasize the student’s role in learning about and utilizing leadership opportunities.
Parenting a Ninth-Grader
This may be a challenging year for both parents and students. Parents start saying goodbye to their daughter’s childhood, which can make them feel as if they have a six-year-old one moment and a 26-year-old the next. Most girls at this age are self-conscious and preoccupied with themselves. Ninth-graders begin to make friends outside the family; their peer group is of utmost importance, and being kept out can feel devastating.
When girls make friends based on interests and not just proximity (that is, outside the family or neighborhood), parents should not hesitate to get in touch with the parents of these new friends. Since parents know their children best, it is important that they keep an eye out for problematic behavior and safety concerns (both online and in person). Parents should partner with HB in these moments and inform the school immediately if they have concerns about the safety and well-being of their child or other HB students.
Families can provide a safe place for daughters to express their, sometimes messy, emotions. Even when a child is upset, parents/ guardians do not always have to take action. Sometimes kids just need to vent and validating their emotions is a parent’s most valuable tool. One of the most helpful strategies is for a parent to ask: “Do you need me to listen or help you problem-solve the situation?”
In Upper School, it is normal for a student to “melt down” at home, but want to handle school responsibilities independently. Families should encourage this emerging independence. School resources can be helpful, and parents can inform the mentor, school counselor, or administration of a problem that they have encouraged their daughter to handle on her own.
At home, establishing behavior contracts up front (for example, “What might happen if you break curfew?”) is a useful strategy at a time when students are honing their skills in decision-making, problem-solving, and conflict resolution. Because this age group actively participates in social media, it is key to schedule technology-free time without creating social alienation from the all-important peer group. Some families create a “phone spa” in the kitchen where phones rest and recharge.
Even though your daughter will want to be “all grown up,” it is critical that families continue to set clear boundaries and limits. While teenagers naturally push back against these expectations, clear and respectful limits are a way of creating a safe and secure environment for your child.
TENTH GRADE
Developmental Overview
Following a burst of prefrontal cortex development, tenthgraders experience tremendous cognitive development. Abstract reasoning and big-picture thinking become more consistent and robust, evidenced particularly in academic performance. This cognitive advancement is expressed more slowly in the social-emotional sphere, but even here, tenth-graders show a maturational shift forward. They are less reactive to circumstances and opportunities and more conscious of considering options and making choices.
One consequence of these changes is that students develop a more richly articulated inner world. They are more capable of reflection and self-assessment and more likely to experience ambivalence and conflict. Younger teenagers tend to experience ambivalence serially, holding one position at a time and shifting back and forth with apparent inconsistency. Similarly, they are more likely to project conflict by fighting with adults as a way of blaming others when something goes wrong.
The abstract-thinking tenth-grader, by contrast, is able to simultaneously experience competing points of view or agendas, which yields more mature, internalized versions of ambivalence and conflict. These students personally feel more substantial, possessing a perspective from which to view and evaluate the world around them. One outcome of these developments is that they often experience tension between what they want for themselves and what they believe others expect of them. Struggling through these internal conflicts is a common feature at this stage of development.
Tenth-Grader in School
This year is one of great changes and choices. Much of the signature rebelliousness of adolescence begins to show itself at this age, evident in a greater frequency of acting out and testing
the limits. It has been called “a year full of dilemmas.” One major dilemma that presents itself is the choice of following one’s personal passion versus following the mainstream agenda.
A jump in academic intensity takes place between ninth and tenth grade. One reason for this is that some students schedule more honors and AP courses. Most students adjust to greater responsibility, autonomy, and higher expectations, but this adjustment takes a little time, and guidance from adults can be helpful in managing the transition. For example, some tenthgraders may struggle during the third or fourth week of school. At that point, most classes have completed the first unit of the year, and students may find themselves with a test or a paper due in every subject in the space of a week or less. Students eventually adjust to the pace, but they may need additional support during these times of high stress.
By the end of the year, tenth-graders often say they are better writers, more efficient time managers, and more effective with their study skills. Furthermore, students often become better analytical thinkers as classes delve into more complex material, giving them the opportunity to consider opinions and positions that may not match their own. Tenth-graders may also have a stronger sense of their own emerging identity, though there can be moments of friction as students encounter differences between their beliefs and others’. Teachers and mentors are critical in this process by helping students listen to the ideas of others and praising their efforts at perspective-taking and civil discourse.
Mentoring a Tenth-Grader
Students may need guidance at the beginning of the year if they are struggling with the increased academic expectations of tenth grade. Mentors are a resource who can help them identify strengths and weaknesses, set goals, and establish plans for reaching those goals. As an important ally, a mentor also helps students deal with problems, providing encouragement and honest feedback.
Early on, tenth-graders begin to contemplate what they want from their four years of high school. They are about to gain more flexibility in course selection, as well as more opportunities for leadership roles. In order to take advantage of those opportunities, mentors will ask some important questions: What are your passions? What classes are most appropriate for your interests and your goals? What prerequisites must you fulfill to schedule the classes you have in mind?
One difficult lesson for some tenth-graders is that it is not possible to do everything. Some may want to take two history courses, two science courses, and study two languages all at once. They may wish to act in the school play, prepare a Science Research & Engineering Program project, play sports every season, and volunteer two afternoons a week. Mentors can be a voice for moderation in helping students navigate these difficult choices. They can also help students create a manageable plan for the next three years.
At this time, many students begin thinking about the college process. They won’t be applying to college for two more years, however, so mentors help keep things in perspective. It is reasonable for students to begin thinking about what type of college would be the best fit, but thoughts of college should not occupy much of their time. It is important for them to remember that colleges want students who make positive, authentic contributions to their classes, their school, and their community.
Parenting a Tenth-Grader
Students exhibit substantial academic growth this year; many have solidified their good habits, but some still need help. Families can encourage their children to reach out to teachers to get any help that they may need. The second semester of tenth grade is when the social “storming and norming” of ninth grade usually ends. Peer groups often form along the lines of “we do this” or “we don’t do this” or around decision-making. Quiet time for conversation with a parent (often in the car) can be invaluable. Parents can be excellent partners with their children in moments when there are friendship conflicts or academic challenges. A student’s perception is her reality, so it is important to listen thoughtfully and with curiosity. Asking questions is often more productive than offering advice, at least initially. (Asking “What do you want to do next?” rather than “You should do…”)
At this age, students develop meaningful moral standards, values, and belief systems. Parents/guardians should not be afraid to talk with their daughters about ideals such as family values or religious views. Students at this age will often have an emerging sense of social justice; tenth-graders can be pretty opinionated! Families provide an important space for kids to talk through their passions and for modeling respectful communication and sharing of ideas.
With the new freedom and responsibility of driving coming into play for many tenth-graders, parents will want to make sure that they have clear and consistent rules with their child regarding behavior and expectations when traveling with peers. Though a driving teenager will want to expand her independence, parents need to set clear boundaries and hold their kids accountable if these expectations are not met.
This is also the age when romantic relationships and experimentation often begin. This fact, together with heightened body awareness, can lead to concerns about weight and appearance. While these topics are thoughtfully addressed in evidenced-based discussions in ninth and eleventh grade Wellness classes, families also provide a voice in support of realistic and healthy self-appraisal. Furthermore, a student’s circle of friends may change and grow wider; in many instances,
friends begin to replace their family and other adults when a girl seeks advice. This is all the more reason for parents/guardians to continue to engage in meaningful conversations, even when it feels awkward. Tenth-graders may present a front of complete independence, but families remain steady and credible sources of wisdom and counsel.
ELEVENTH GRADE
Developmental Overview
This is a year of consolidation on all developmental fronts— familial, social, emotional, and cognitive. The self-discovery of ninth and tenth grade gives way to an established social identity. The eleventh-grader knows who she is relative to her peers, and she takes up her position as an emerging veteran in the fluid social landscape of adolescence. Juniors in high school may also be more interested in exploring other aspects of their identity (race, culture, gender, ethnicity, sexuality, etc.).
Eleventh grade is often a moment when students find these kinds of connections in affinity spaces and student organizations.
A parallel developmental status marks the student’s relationship with her family. The disembedding and occasional rebelliousness that characterized early and middle adolescence have usually, by now, yielded a new level of psychological independence relative to parents. This is typically evident in the greater degree of autonomy and self-management that students display in all areas of their psychological life. Parents are still important, of course, but eleventh-graders typically feel a
greater degree of confidence in managing their social, emotional, intellectual, and academic lives. There is also a shift from finding validation by identifying with peers common, a trait seen since earlier adolescence, to a more internally directed, personal-choice agenda.
Teachers witness a more consistent and stable capacity for bigpicture thinking, evidenced in various ways. For example, students now have the ability to consider complex issues of identity. Similarly, the relevant future expands beyond the upcoming social and academic calendar, taking in the more distant horizons of college and career. They begin to see themselves not only in relation to peers and adults, but to the wider world as fledgling citizens who care about causes and play a role in society.
Eleventh-Grader in School
At this age, students feel more comfortable discussing their beliefs, ideas, and values. They often begin to stand alone on issues and feel comfortable about this in classes, with family, and in their peer group. Teachers, mentors, and other adults in our community encourage this confidence and voice; simultaneously, students will need to practice the skills of critical thinking and civil discourse as they encounter beliefs that are contrary to their own.
Academically, most eleventh-graders have many choices. Even if they carefully considered those choices during course selection, many still wonder whether their load is too heavy or too light. They often think through course selection in terms of the college admission process. Students pay attention to the rigor of their own classes as well as those of their peers, which can cause competition and comparison.
The prospect of college occupies students’ thoughts more this year, and anxiety about grades may increase accordingly. While the college process will officially begin for them in the spring of eleventh grade, they need to be reminded that high school is a time for growth, academic and otherwise.
Courses typically reflect an expectation that the students’ abstract cognitive maturation is complete or nearly so. Therefore, the pacing of these courses is often more rapid than in prior years. There is also a greater expectation that students can—and should—take more initiative in their learning.
Mentoring an Eleventh-Grader
While eleventh-graders are generally more mature than the ninth and tenth-grade versions of themselves, mentors continue to be a critical component of support for students. They have worked with students and their families for two full years at this point and have deep knowledge of a student’s strengths, capacities, and areas for growth. For example, negotiating with adults is a key developmental skill, and although many eleventh graders can skillfully communicate with adults, mentors may need to step in and act as coaches.
Eleventh-graders are also starting to understand that leadership is more than an elected office, and they see more possibilities for leadership in everyday life emerging. Mentors will continue to emphasize leadership opportunities and encourage students to try different activities. As social groupings continue to evolve, mentors can also encourage students to renew old friendships and to reach out to former classmates. Teamwork and collaboration remain important ways for them to create unity now and as they move into the twelfth grade.
Eleventh grade has a reputation for being the “most stressful year” of high school, and mentors are often trusted, go-to adults for students as they encounter moments of success and also moments of friction. This is a period when the mentor-mentee relationship can really flourish.
Mentors will often remind students of their strengths and how they will continue to grow academically and personally in this challenging year. In addition, if a student is having a particularly difficult time, a mentor may recommend they seek additional support from a school counselor.
Parenting an Eleventh-Grader
Students have settled into their “high school selves” at this point, which is often a relief socially and academically for them, as well as their parents. They are ready to tackle their own problems and negotiate with adults (when appropriate), but parents must stay involved.
The social scene changes at this point; eleventh-graders have exposure and access to many different choices. They may be presented with social and emotional dilemmas with greater frequency. Issues of dating, alcohol, and drugs seem to ramp up during the junior year.
Still on a spectrum of development, juniors often wistfully look at their senior peers and wish they were in their shoes. Parents need to encourage their daughter to dig deep into areas that provide a sense of purpose and mattering, as she will do her best work when engaged and committed. Accordingly, many students start to question activities they have always done, such as playing soccer since age four, so parents should engage them in conversations about the pros and cons of continuing such pursuits.
Sexuality, healthy and unhealthy relationship dynamics, managing mental health, drug and alcohol use, and more are discussed in eleventh-grade Wellness curriculum. These social-emotional developments underscore the continuing value of the parent/ guardian as a model and resource of wisdom, values, and good judgment. Even basic reminders concerning the importance of good nutrition and sleep habits may support the development of mature self-management skills. While it is critical that parents set appropriate boundaries for their children, it is equally important that they keep the lines of communication open so that students know that their family is always a safe space to ask questions or troubleshoot problems.
TWELFTH GRADE
Developmental Overview
While each year of high school involves developmental transitions, twelfth grade involves a transition on a much larger scale. The fact that twelfth-grade students will soon embark on a new stage of life serves as the backdrop for every aspect of their experience and development.
Both teachers and students expect a host of developmental accomplishments from twelfth-grade students: competent selfmanagement skills, psychological differentiation from parents, cognitive capacity for big-picture thinking, sharpened skills for planning and problem-solving, and a realistic orientation toward the future. The unifying theme of these expectations is that they prepare students for disengaging from the adult-managed world of high school, entering the self-managed future, and separating from their parents.
Of course, not every student has truly finished and mastered the developmental “curriculum” of adolescence, and consequently, teachers occasionally observe seniors revisiting and recapitulating unfinished developmental tasks. Whenever teachers witness abrupt behavior changes during twelfth grade—a student becoming more intensely social, becoming rebellious, fighting with parents—it is usually a case of someone revisiting and attempting to complete an unfinished developmental task.
An important aspect of this transition is that students become acutely aware of themselves as entering the wider adult world. The college admission process serves to focus and heighten this aspect of the emerging adulthood transition. An unavoidable vulnerability to self-esteem accompanies them as they wait to hear from admissions committees. For this reason, many students experience an undercurrent of anxiety and potential shame, lest they be found wanting or exposed as a fraud. Whatever doubts an individual harbors concerning her readiness and adequacy are likely to surface during the college admission process.
As a whole, twelfth grade is a period of preparation for leaving childhood and adolescence behind; these issues are played out behaviorally in relationships both at home and at school. In the closing months of the school year, teachers often witness palpable signs of withdrawal and disengagement, otherwise known as “senioritis.” It is normal for seniors to “act out” and even have rifts in long-standing friendships as they prepare to separate emotionally from the familiar territory of home and school. While these regressions can be frustrating, it is important to meet our young adults with patience and generosity.
Twelfth-Grader in School
This year, students maintain and nurture a broad spectrum of responsibilities. They balance the demands of the college process with upholding their role as leaders in the Hathaway Brown community, all the while managing their transition from adolescent self-exploration to adult identity development. They now enter the developmental stage called emerging adulthood, so they must have opportunities to try on adult roles and behavior.
There is a general progression from adult supervision toward self-supervision, as reflected both in the wider community’s expectations and the student’s expectations. A senior is aware of these calls for independent action and decision-making in all facets of her life, and often develops the skills of not only advocating for themselves but for others, as well. A growing interest in politics and social justice issues is often a feature of senior year. These moments of independent thinking and action are wonderful opportunities to engage students in more complex conversations about identity, policy, and culture.
This can also be a time of relationship realignment, as girls begin to redefine themselves based on their goals. They may develop new relationships based on shared dreams and a desire for deeper commitments. At the same time, they typically begin to separate from established relationships with family and friends and from activity-related commitments.
A theme of twelfth grade and the college application process is showcasing oneself to the adult world—as a person, a learner, and a leader. The fall and winter of twelfth grade can be especially stressful when students prepare their college applications and await admissions decisions. Accordingly, it is an important time for honing the resilience necessary to manage fears and disappointments. Not surprisingly, teachers sometimes observe signs of heightened stress.
“Senioritis” is a common phenomenon in twelfth grade, particularly as the year wears on. This is evident in a loss of energy and focus on schoolwork and in a loss of emotional investment in the school community. As trying as this phase may be, it
is important to remember that it reflects a natural process of withdrawal and closure at the end of a high school career—a sort of reclaiming and collecting of energy for reinvestment in the developmental journey ahead.
As seniors prepare to leave HB and home, they participate in their last Wellness class during the second semester. This curriculum focuses on the transition to college and previewing how to take care of themselves physically, emotionally, and socially. Some of the topics that are addressed and thoughtfully discussed are common pitfalls, expectations and worries, financial literacy, mental health, and forming new relationships while maintaining long-distance friendships. These are critical conversations for supporting seniors to feel confident and ready for the next step.
Mentoring a Twelfth-Grader
The mentor’s role is to remain a point of reference for realistic thinking and balance throughout a year filled with transitions and challenges. In many ways this is the peak of the mentor-mentee relationship, as the pair have had most of high school to get to know each other. There have been victories to celebrate and rough spots to weather; at this point most mentor groups are a close community and students feel secure in the knowledge that their mentor is a steady, supportive go-to adult for them.
Girls this age continue to need validation of their growth and development. Mentors empower their students simply by expecting students to conduct themselves in a more adult-like manner. These expectations, conveyed in a supportive manner, strengthen a student’s awareness of herself as an emerging adult. The mentor may share these expectations by verbalizing faith that a student possesses the necessary resilience and resources to work through difficult situations and solve everyday problems. Occasionally, students may need encouragement and intervention as they encounter frustration and emotional distress during the college application process. The mentor serves as a steadying, grounding influence, and this support plays a significant role in managing anxiety and separation issues.
Mentors balance competing forces: the desire to reduce and eliminate stressors on students while also holding them accountable for their commitments. Mentors can’t and shouldn’t fix everything; they increasingly act as partners with their senior mentees. In collaboration, a mentor’s role is to help each student maintain a sense of self as she navigates the new territory of adulthood, and thereby enabling her to imagine a future that will be determined by personal choices and values.
Parenting a Twelfth-Grader
Seniors sometimes struggle to meet the demands of increasingly mature roles and responsibilities, as this is a time in high school when students have a range of obligations both in and out of school. Each student deals differently with the transition to college—perhaps emotional and sentimental one moment and cold and distant the next—which makes parenting a challenge.
However, their feelings or emotions should not be minimized; deep listening often results in a calmer, more focused approach to challenges. Families should seek additional support if a child is past her normal range of emotions; they can always reach out to mentors, deans, the school counselor, and other adults at HB for support and guidance.
Families may find that their daughter needs a dose of reality when her thoughts become unrealistic or fatalistic (“I will never get into college”). Helping her manage these extreme thoughts is crucial, while also recognizing that her feelings represent her reality at that moment. Parents can be the calm and steady force when everything else seems out of control. Finally, as students get closer to graduation, it is natural for them to push the limits of rules and norms at home and school. Families should continue to set clear boundaries and high expectations for girls. Again, these limits are a way of signaling your care for your daughter and supporting her growth and development as she becomes a young adult.
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