The Waddling Dead: Megachomp, D.D.S. by Headline Books / Zoom Into Books

Second in The Waddling Dead series by Joan Spilman, MegaChomp, D.D.S. continues the saga of the zombie ducklings in the Kingdom of Waddle. Each was born with a special gift and MegaChomp was born with teeth! Will he answer his higher call and become a dentist? Will he tackle Crunch the Crocodile, the dreaded enemy who lives in the castle moat? “My Kindergarten students were captivated by the humorous ducklings and their mega adventures.” —Brittany Cochran, Poca Elementary, Winfield, WV

“An exceptionally creative story that will maintain a student's focus and that of adults also. The illustrations are perfect and I so love the eccentric characters.” —Debbie Chapman, Intervention Specialist, Chesapeake Union Exempted Village School Board

THE WADDLING DEAD: MEGACHOMP, D.D.S.

“This is a book teachers will love, highly entertaining and full of facts.” —Dennise Lachapelle, teacher, Camden Academy Charter

About the Author Joan Spilman has an MFA in Creative Writing from Wichita State University where she was awarded the fellowship. She has published in literary journals such as “The Laurel Review,” “Short Story International,” “Willow Springs” and many others. Her awards include the John Maier Award, the George Garrett Prize for Best Prose, and a PEN Syndicated Fiction Award. Joan has owned one duck, Digger, who now resides at the Blenko Glass Factory Pond for retired or ill-tempered ducks. JOAN SPILMAN

About the Illustrator Award-winning author and illustrator Ashley Teets is a summa cum laude graduate of Alderson-Broaddus College where she earned a bachelor’s of visual arts degree with a minor in creative writing. Ashley has illustrated multiple award-winning children’s books. She is also a portrait artist and muralist. For more information visit www.AshleyTeetsIllustration.com.

This book is definitely for John.

The Waddling Dead: Megachomp, D.D.S. by Joan Spilman illustrated by Ashley Teets copyright ©2016 Joan Spilman All rights reserved. This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents, except where noted otherwise, are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any other resemblance to actual people, places or events is entirely coincidental. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any other form or for any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording or any information storage system, without written permission from Headline Books. The Headline Kids Educational Series is a continuing series of 6 x 9 paperback books for the classroom, home school environment, parents and caregivers. The authors of these books are teachers, parents, and exceptional individuals who love children. The subject matter will be different in every book but all give inspiration to imagination and creativity. There is a learning element in every book and/or easy activity to do at home. Headline Kids celebrates children and these books will increase early learning and reading skills. To order additional copies of this book, or for book publishing information, or to contact the author: Headline Kids P. O. Box 52 Terra Alta, WV 26764 Tel: 800-570-5951 Email: mybook@headlinebooks.com www.headlinebooks.com www.headlinekids.com Published by Headline Books Headline Kids is an imprint of Headline Books ISBN-13: 978-1-882658-39-8 Library of Congress Control Number: 2015945894 PR I N T E D I N T H E U N I T E D STAT E S OF A M E R IC A

WHO’S WHO

Purple Rage: Purple Rage is the zombie duck that lives in the Forbidden Valley Bog. She provided the pregnant Queen a fishtail fern, which unbeknownst to the Queen, turned her clutch into zombies. But the zombie ducklings hatched as wise as they were unruly, so they have adapted to living with Purple Rage six months out of the year. She has never felt more needed. King Albert Duckworthy: Albert is the king of the Kingdom of Duckworthy, also referred to as Waddle Land. He is an eventempered, well-liked ruler. At the present time, he is beloved by his subjects, for since the birth of the zombie ducklings, he has forgotten to raise taxes. Queen Esmeralda Duckworthy: Esmeralda is the wife of Albert and the biological mother of the zombie ducks. A high strung duck (unusual for an Ayesbury), she uses fresh green beans snapped in half to revive her from her frequent faints. She likes fashion, food, and her dear, departed cousin Morris.

Crunch the Crocodile: Crunch is the only threat to the ducks in the Kingdom of Waddle. He came by mistake, packed in a carton of eggs, when the ducks followed the Great Duck Father into the Mist and out of Slaughterland. At the time of this story, he suffers from an abscessed tooth and frequent heartburn.

Duck Laureate: Morris is a first cousin of Esmeralda Duckworthy. At the time of his disappearance, he was Po-duck Laureate, famous for his long poems full of deep duck emotion. He favored sateen clothing trimmed in Spanish lace. He hasn’t been seen since Christmas when he stepped out on the bridge for a breath of air. Hurri, Nurri and Nar: These three electric eels are acrobats. They are also extremely loyal to Crunch. The triplets were once quadruplets (four) but no one has mentioned Nod since the terrible splat. John Megachomp Duckworthy, D.D.S.: John is the first-born of the zombie ducklings and also the only duck with teeth—ever. Proud of and very adept with his choppers, John can catch the fat fish that live at the bottom of the bog and will often share. He whittles wooden keepsakes for his brothers and sisters, and once carved a pergola for Purple Rage so she could sit under her Elsa Spatch clematis and watch the ducks swim. He never gave up his burning dream of becoming the first duck dentist.

Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Waddle, twelve royal ducklings were born. They were all zombies. Purple Rage, the zombie who lived in the Forbidden Bog, was delighted. Their parents, King and Queen Duckworthy, were confused. It happened due to a bad bargain between Purple Rage and Esmeralda Duckworthy, but as zombies are fond of saying, “You can’t cry over spilled brains,” and the zombie ducks were accepted as they were.

They were loud, uncontrollable little meanies who wouldn’t listen to their elders, ate tapestries, and crashed chandeliers. It was quickly decided that half the zombie ducks would stay with Purple Rage for six months and the other half with the Royal Duckworthys. When the time was up, they would trade places. That made it easy for the adults.

But it’s not easy being a zombie duckling, what with loose skin hanging about your ankles, fingers growing out of your wings, and lesions that pop up like teenage acne. Maybe that’s why each duckling had a gift of their own. Charlotte (Clutter Guts) had a cast iron stomach, Landon (Featherblades) had wing tips that were sharp as razors, and Gabby (Endless Scream) had a scream that was, well, endless. John (Megachomp) had the best gift of all. He had teeth! Yes, by golly, a full set of choppers, not to be confused with the hard ridge of keratin that all ducks have, for his teeth had roots, nerves, and thick enamel!

John smiled every morning after a breakfast of fat carp. He smiled at noon after eating more. He smiled after brushing his teeth with the toothpaste Purple Rage had ordered from the World Fowl Net, and flossed every night with the slenderest of reeds. John decided to become a dentist. After nights of pleading with Purple Rage, who was against higher zombie learning, she finally agreed. “You won’t regret this!” John promised his zombie mommy.

John enrolled in Winging It, an on-line university for duck dentistry. He studied and tested day and night. The day before he was to return to Waddle, his diploma arrived by Beak Mail. He was now John Megachomp Duckworthy, Doctor of Dental Surgery. He also received a white dental coat with Megachomp D.D.S. sewn under the right pocket, a complimentary box of toothbrushes, and a satchel that contained two tools. One was a dental elevator, which looked like a tent peg. An elevator loosens the gum around a tooth. The other was dental forceps, which looked like a giant claw. It was for pulling teeth. The fact that no other duck in Waddle had teeth didn’t concern John. He knew something would turn up. “It” turned up as he was crossing the drawbridge.

Crunch the Crocodile had been sunning himself on the bank, watching the old batch of ducklings march away while the new batch marched in. Blah, blah, blah, Crunch thought, and gave an enormous yawn. John came to an abrupt halt. Before him were seventy-two teeth in need of care. Overcome by dental frenzy, he jumped into the moat.

Crunch saw the toothy duck heading his way and dove deep. John had barely hit the water when the two Muskovy ducks, who guarded the castle doors, pulled him out.

His mother was honking orders. “Take him to the kitchen and wash him with lye soap. Check for leeches!” He’d never been so embarrassed.

After the scrubbing, John was marched to the throne room by Raine and Bonita, two servants whose apron pockets were stuffed with green beans. He stood before their thrones. His father was frowning and his mother was sobbing into her royal handkerchief. “Son, what you did was ---“ “Stupid! Dangerous!” interrupted the Queen. “That monster ate my dear Cousin Morris and now my son!” John started to say that the crocodile hadn’t eaten him because he was standing before her, but his father gave him a hard stare. “Dear, dear Morris. He was with us last holiday, dressed in a lavender vest trimmed in Spanish lace and singing ‘All I Want for Christmas is More Grain and Feed’ when cruel fate intervened.” She paused for breath. “He slipped on the drawbridge and that evil crocodile swallowed him leaving nothing but a circle of feathers and a bit of lace floating on the water!” As Esmeralda struggled to breathe, Raine took a green bean from her pocket and snapped it in half. She held it under the Queen’s beak. A juicy green bean, snapped in half, has the same effect as smelling salts on humans. His father spoke before she revived. “No more jumping into the moat, John. That’s an order.” “Yes, sir,” replied John. His father nodded. “You are excused.” John made a bow toward his father, a deeper one toward his mother and left the room with a heavy heart. He was a son who had made a promise to his father. But he was also a dentist who had promised not to fix teeth.

He went to his room that night after a disgusting meal of pumpkin seeds and gelled fishing worms. He perched on his window ledge and imagined the fat, flipping things swimming below and knew his teeth could tear them apart and fill his belly. Suddenly, a terrible noise rose from beneath him. John thought it was his stomach, for when a zombie duck is hungry, the growl can carry for miles. The pitch sounded like high winds whipping through treetops, then lowered to the sound of angry waves beating the shore. Then, it began to shout. “Help! Help!” John gave his belly three firm taps. “I know you’re hungry,” he told it. “But I can’t plunge into the moat because I promised Dad. You’re on a diet and that’s that.” “Why are you talking to your stomach? I’m down here!” John looked into the murky waters of the moat. There, floating on the water and illumined by three electric eels, was the crocodile, Crunch.

“It’s you!” cried John. “Who else?” replied Crunch. “Hey, I heard you were a dentist.” “Yes,” John puffed out his chest only a little. “I graduated from Winging It University with full honors!” “Excellent! I got a pain that just won’t quit, Doc,” said Crunch. “Hurri, Nurri, and Nar, lights please!” The electric eels puffed up their heads until they were as bright as 100-watt bulbs. John looked down into the crocodile’s mouth and his heart skipped a beat. Crunch had a rotten tooth and the start of an abscess. Without intervention, the poison would spread and then... bye, bye, Crunch! He was also in pain. The crocodile had slapped an algae pack on his bottom gum. John shuddered. The wrap was filled with slime, dead bugs, and other things sure to make the abscess worse. “Spit out that pack and rinse your mouth,” he ordered. “No way,” replied Crunch. “This cold water in the moat makes my tooth hurt.” Megachomp D.D.S. knew what he should do; he also knew he couldn’t do it. The dentist in him was willing, but the son was strong. “I’d love to help,” he said, “But I’m not allowed to jump into the moat.” “Who said anything about jumping?” Crunch replied, and with a crook of his tail, the eels leapt out of the water.

They twisted and turned until, head to tail, tail to head, they twined themselves into a swinging eel bridge. One end was anchored around Crunch’s right tooth, and the other was roped around an outcrop of stone beneath John’s window. “Aha!” said John, and without the slightest hesitation, the young duck dentist waddled down the lighted eel-way and into the crocodile’s mouth. “Are you going to eat me?” he asked. It wasn’t too late. There was still time for a back flip. “I can’t eat a thing except water lettuce and weeds. I’ve shrunk three sizes. Soon, I’ll be nothing but a wallet and boots. You’re my last hope, Doc.” John was anxious to begin, yet there was a matter that needed to be cleared up before he began. “Did you really eat Cousin Morris?”

“Are you kidding? That dumb bird fell into my mouth. He was doddering across the bridge dressed in some kind of Duckspearean outfit when he fell off. I was yawning before bed and the next thing I knew, an overweight lump of feathers fell into my mouth. Ick! And that vest. Mothballs! I tried to cough him up, but the more I tried, the farther down he went, until finally . . .” Crunch shrugged. “I’ve had heartburn ever since.” “No more duck?” “Never again,” Crunch crossed his crocodile heart. John set to work. He began loosening the gum around the infected tooth with the elevator, first on one side, then on the other. When the tooth was wobbly, he sat on Crunch’s tongue. Hurri, Nurri, and Nar were tired, too. They immediately dimmed their lights. “Take ten,” John told them. To Crunch, he said, “We’re almost there.” Ducks can’t sweat water; they sweat drops of oil. After loosening Crunch’s tooth, John was one sweaty mess. He began to preen. As he rearranged his feathers, some of them fell out. “Stop that!” said Crunch. One of the feathers had tickled his tonsil. “I can’t,” said John. I’m overheated and I have to preen. I’ll stand on the tip of your tongue so the feathers won’t go down your mouth.” It was a good plan and might have worked but a sudden night breeze caused the feathers to blow down the crocodile’s throat. 22

Crunch couldn’t help it. He let forth a sneeze that sent the water racing to the shore and bent the willows backwards. The sneeze swept everything out of his mouth: John, the tooth, lot of turtle shells, and 123 grateful minnows. Hurri, Nurri, and Nar landed on the muddy bank and wiggled down.

The tooth fell on the bank, point downwards, and sank into the soft soil. In its new location, it looked like a craggy rock. John landed a few feet below, face down in the mud. He picked himself up, muttering, “Dad will never believe I didn’t jump into the moat.” “Yes, he will,” said King Duckworthy and began to clap his wings.

John looked up. His parents stood on the bank. Behind them, his brothers and sisters were holding lit lanterns among a crowd that included Raine and Bonita, the Muskovies, the duck grocer, and dozens of others he didn’t know. His father was beaming. His mother looked displeased. Crunch saved the day. He rose on his hind legs, looking every inch a monster. The ducks took a step back. Some took two.

“Good evening, Royal Duckworthys, staff and peasants,” he said, bowing from the waist. “John Megachomp saved my life from a poisonous tooth and for that, you have my undying gratitude. We made a bargain and I mean to keep my part. I solemnly swear never to eat another duck or duckling again. Deal?” “Deal,” said the King. 27

Wing covered claw. It was a touching moment. Queen Esmeralda, however, was not satisfied. “A tragic pact in light of what happened to dear, dear Cousin Morris.” “Not again, dear,” said the King. She gave a hiss, a sign she had more to say, but she didn’t get to say it because a horrible and wonderful thing happened.

Crunch began to choke. And cough. And choke some more. Finally, he pounded himself on the chest and emitted a bundle of feathers that flew over the castle and into the forest beyond. A faint smell of mothballs hung in the air, then, POOF, it was gone. “The last of dear Cousin Morris,” replied Esmeralda. “Thank you,” said Albert and once again extended his wing.

Crunch was true to his word and never ate another duck. In fact, the Craggy Rock became a favorite hangout for ducklings. They waited there until it was their turn to ride on the back of the huge crocodile. He took them slowly around the moat and told them the history of the castle, how he’d come by accident to Waddle Land, and that John Megachomp, D.D.S. was, in his humble opinion, the best duck dentist in the world. All in all, Crunch turned out to be a superb travel guide. Sometimes, to add a dark thrill, he told them how he’d accidentally eaten a duck wearing a lavender vest trimmed in Spanish lace. But none of them believed him.

DID YOU KNOW? The Kingdom of Waddle: The Kingdom of Waddle (sometimes called Waddle Land) is a land unknown to man. It can’t be found on a map. But for Crunch the Crocodile, who accidentally entered through the Mist Mirror, ducks and all living creatures are safe there. The world outside is known as Slaughterland.

Lye: Lye is a strong solution made from running water through wood ashes. It is used to make soap, oven cleaners, and, when inserted in the mouth of a child or duck, will automatically cause them to tell the truth. When used on a duck covered with leeches, the leeches disappear fast.

Leeches: Leeches are worms Keratin: Keratin is the protein with suckers at both ends. They that makes up our hair and feed on the blood and tissue fingernails. It also makes duck of people and animals. They bills, but no duck has teeth; nor, are deathly afraid of lye soap, can they chew. The keratin forms and have invested millions to a hard ridge in and along the promote the soft soap industry duck’s bill that helps it swallow which does not use lye. plants and small fish. Sateen: Sateen is a cotton Crocodiles: Crocodiles are fabric woven like satin. Primarily large reptiles that live in the for evening wear, it is favored by tropics of Africa, Asia, the high-ranking female duck and Americans, and Waddle Land. drake poets. Favored colors are They are aggressive, cunning, Lavender Blue, Black Plum, and and consider themselves quite Butterfly Bouquet. above alligators. When they close their mouths, all their Spanish Lace: Spanish Lace is teeth show. The 4th tooth on the very fine lace made by nuns in lower jaw sticks out most of all. Spanish convents. The common Crunch’s left “stick-out” tooth is patterns are sprigs and flowers. the one that is abscessed in this Favored by high-ranking female story. ducks and drake poets.

THE WADDLING DEAD: MEGACHOMP, D.D.S.

“This is a book teachers will love, highly entertaining and full of facts.” —Dennise Lachapelle, teacher, Camden Academy Charter