The Making of A Diamond

A Woman's Journey from Profound Grief To Leading Other Women to Fulfillment

By Dirk R. Hobbs, MS, IABC

in such a way that has made her an authentic communicator of her own story – the good, the hard, and all things in between - which she uses to inspire and direct others who are experiencing life’s valleys and deserts.

Recall eighth grade geology class, learning how diamonds are created in the extreme forces deep inside the earth. The sheer heat and pressure these rare minerals are formed within are nothing short of mind-boggling. And to think, something so unique and beautiful emerges from these seemingly unbearable circumstances.

As I sat with Leith McHugh, it occurred to me, I was sitting with a human version of a diamond, which, or rather, who, had been shaped by a number of external and internal forces that are anything but common. What is also apparent upon meeting her, is her willingness to just tell it like it is. There is no pretense, or superficiality about her. In fact, she credits the people, the moments, and events that have shaped who she is today – a mother, happily married woman, and highly sought-after transformational life coach for women. It is very obvious, there is something exceptional about how she’s wired and how she has navigated what for many, would have been enough adversity for three lifetimes.

Make no mistake, she’s fully cognizant that, like everyone else, she’s a work in progress. She is disarmingly honest and filled with life. But, she’s the first to say that she has been refined by life Leith’s journey began in 1971 as a Kansas girl. Mom was the most consistent adult figure in her childhood. Her birth father, was largely out of the picture, though she maintained some relationship with him. Paul - Leith’s step-father was a constant fatherly figure for her and it is he who would ultimately be the one to walk her down the aisle in her wedding to husband, Aaron. But by far, the person who has had the most profound impact in her life overall, is her mother. A nurse anesthetist by trade, her mom was managing the realities of single-motherhood in the 1970s. In fact, her growing up was what Leith describes as “beautifully complicated”. Her mom, half-sister, and Leith, did their best to be a modern family coming out of the age of postVietnam War, free love and peace days, into the turbulent 70s. As with any family, love and pain were both present.

“With the benefit of some years behind me, I can see as an adult looking back on my childhood, she [mom] was doing the best she could with the tools that she had - trying to hold jobs, keep her family moving forward, and have some life of her own.”

For the time being, Leith was in a season of enjoying her self-directed life and the freedoms associated with collegiate life at Kansas State and then Baylor University in the early 90s. She developed many good friends from Young Life, one of whom is a young man she claims she had “no romantic interest in” for a good part of their time in Waco. “He [Aaron] was way too intense and serious, and “I was in a wild phase,” she recalls. “But later on, I remember riding with him in the car and was made aware he’d recently broken up with his girlfriend. I wanted to know where he was with it all, but why? Then, I became acutely aware, I was actually nervous all of the sudden. I had never been nervous around Aaron, because he was just a friend. But now, I’m struggling to even get the question out. Okay – next stop sign I’ll ask him. Then, the next, and the next. Come on, what’s going on here?” She laughs at herself as she recalls the ride from a little over 28-years ago. During the weeks that followed the fateful car ride, their friendship shifted from friendship ultimately to a profound interest and attraction toward one another. Leith and Aaron became an item, and subsequently married nine months later in December 1993.

With two years as a married couple under their belts, they had their first child, Holden, a boy, in 1995. Next came their first girl, Hadley in 1998, and finally their second girl, Averi in 2001. Aaron was gainfully employed and life was as it appeared it should be. From what could be described as a unsettled childhood, to a solid, allAmerican family dream, right? Well, yes, but life still had a lot in store for the McHugh’s. In ’98, when Hadley arrived, the parents were presented a child who had a number of significant disabilities; specifically, microcephaly, (a rare neurological condition which an infant's head is significantly smaller than the heads of other children of the same age), and cerebellar hypoplasia, (a neurological condition in which the cerebellum is smaller than usual or not completely developed). Life in the McHugh household was now exponentially more complex due to Hadley’s profound disabilities. She was confined to a wheelchair, was legally deaf and blind, fed through a g-tube, was on oxygen, and endured 28 hospital stays. “Then, when Averi came on the scene just three years later, it was as if we had twins – neither could walk or talk, both had to be fed and wore diapers.” Leith says.

Hadley’s all-consuming condition, and the arrival and young age of Averi happened to coincide, and they each had the McHugh’s full attention. This, in the thick of career building and climbing, a new home, and the demands of otherwise unencumbered children, social lives, and so forth.

Uncharacteristically for that period in their relationship though, Leith’s mother, now a grandmother – a.k.a., Mimi, became involved and clinically, very supportive of Hadley along the way. In fact, while she formed a special bond with all the children, she was hyper-involved with Hadley and her care regimen and had a natural closeness to her as a result. As a skilled nurse, so much of the support she could offer was well within her purview, and probably a very welcomed gift of support as far as Leith and Aaron were concerned. But like most American families, the McHugh’s were still well-into their “gogo” phase of life. Aaron's mother, a.k.a., Nana, was also a constant figure in the kids’ lives.

In 2010, Hadley passed away at age 12. “At this point, our family life feels like it’s just coming off the rails,” Leith claims. “I remember feeling like, “No God! You’re a “bad dad”. Why? How much more adversity will you put this family through?

“It’s during this period, Holden, who was now getting into his mid-teens, began flirting with alcohol and substance abuse and I was unknowingly self-medicating myself. On top of that, Aaron and I were both shrinking away from each other and just in general,” Leith shares. “But Averi – Averi was different. She was inherently strong and steady somehow. I mean, look at what this child has seen in her young life? I recall her as just extremely observant – and she still is. She was diligent, and compliant as a child, and overall, just a steady presence. But, she was also very willing to make herself known in the family dynamic. Holden, on the other hand, was far more reserved day-to-day.” We recently were watching home-videos of our family from years ago. You can see Holden forcing himself in front of the camera, as if to say, “Yoo-hoo, remember me?”, she recalls. “We just took for granted that he would always be fine. But in reality, Holden was in trouble. And not only was he in trouble from addiction, he was coming out gay, we were in denial and just could not hear it. We thought it might be a phase, or confusion. But it wasn’t. Our son was telling us in no uncertain terms, “I’m gay”. In our (Then) denial, we had missed the queues having been so pre-occupied with Hadley, and now have another child in crisis in the form of addiction.”

“THE FIVE YEAR PERIOD – ACTUALLY, SEVEN”

With Hadley now gone home for several years, and the utter grief and upheaval the McHugh family had endured with her passing, Holden’s addiction struggles and working to navigate gay-life in conservative Colorado Springs, a contemporary society, and the norms of a now, teen-aged girl coming of age. “I knew I had to get my life back on a rail. With the stressors associated with Hadley’s near constant care now gone, Aaron and I were out of what I refer to as our “triage” mindset. We had to engage our marriage, and our two beautiful children – intentionally. Our life together was a steady stream of chaos and when you’re in it North by Colorado Media Group 65

like that for so many years, that becomes your normal. These experiences changed us, a lot. We just didn’t recognize how exactly,” Leith continues. “We were both in survival mode for so long, the now comparative quiet revealed how much we had changed. We needed a “reboot”, and so that’s exactly what we did. Of course, now it is much easier said than was the reality, we sold the house, all the material trappings, the corporate life, and set out to reconstruct our lives. We took these immense steps in order to create space to get our lives back on track,” she said.

And these measures proved to be a very healthy step for the McHugh family in general. It probably was not easy all the time, but this complete separation from all the internal and external stressors was a winning formula for this beautiful family that needed to heal in so many ways.

Outside the family’s reboot, there was a time when there were numerous back-to-back teen suicides happening in northern Colorado Springs and Monument. For a time, the news of another high schooler taking their own life was almost weekly.

“You can imagine my concern with Averi now,” she states. “Not so much because of Averi or any predisposition she showed us, but because of the unknown - the closeness and frequency of these events.”

While Averi would go on to be just fine, against any reasonable odds, one of Averi s closest friends took her life. “I remember taking this young lady home the night before. She and Averi were carrying on like normal, well-adjusted teen-aged girls. I dropped her off at home and she said, “Love you”, and I remember feeling – ah, nice. Different, but nice. I reciprocated. Then, the next day, we learned she was gone.”

“On one hand, these instances brought the community so close. But on the other hand … I mean, how to get to a place of understanding about why,” Leith contemplates.

During this time, Leith formed B2Teen – standing for: Brave Beauty-Teen: A high-touch community of mothers and their daughters. The women and girls met and spoke candidly about life, and what was happening around them. It was a place where the moms and girls could “get real”. There was a period of time when the girls even spoke of the fact that they had “funeral shoes”, it was happening so frequently. Of course, when you’re shell-shocked with life as the McHugh’s had been, a natural tendency is to hover over those you love most. This had some natural, adverse effects on Averi and Leith’s relationship, but not for long. To help get them through those latter teen years and the natural, healthy emancipation process, Aaron and Leith agreed to a communication dynamic with Averi that helped all of them, including Averi, gain a strong confidence she was not in private crisis, and that she was okay to be alone, or alone with friends. Further, Aaron’s relationship with Averi was and remains in delightfully close proximity.

Evidence this was a good strategy for the McHugh’s, Averi and Leith were able to move through the over-protective phase, and dad, Aaron and Averi took on a project they call the Joy Bus – a fully restored, 1974 VW Bus – orange – you can’t miss it. MCHUGH’S IN 2022

Averi has since graduated high school and is attending classes in California studying film – learning to be a Cinematographer. She has created a couple short films (one with Holden as the director) and a couple documentaries, and you know what – she’s really good at it. Remember, she’s the one who is expertly observant and detailed. And, Holden – now 6+ years sober and a very healthy vibrant young man. He went to rehab in California, then moved to Denver for a bit, returned home for Christmas in 2021, where they awaited Averi’s arrival from Cali to spend the holidays in one house for the first time since the loosening of covid restrictions.

Leith concludes, “For that year of [Covid] lockdown, despite having Covid - it was actually a gift for our family – and as a married couple. I can say without hesitation, we’re more in love than perhaps we ever were – or at least differently now. Aaron often says, “We’re on “version three” of our marriage now, and he’s right.” “So, we’re in a really good season for now,” she says deeply respectful of their experiences. “Our two amazing children are a source of joy. Aaron and I are in a great space. We relate – probably better than ever. I have such a profound sense of gratitude for our experiences and the uniqueness that everyone in our story has brought. Our consulting and life-coaching businesses are both strong. Mine is called, Rediscovering You. It’s a 6 month personal development program – diving into topics like Identity, Self-Care, Story, Self Confidence, Forgiveness, Intentions, Letting Go - for women who desire something different in lives and need support getting there.

It’s not fluff, feel-good pablum either. Leith “Leith is intentional and present. She will challenge you and push you but with encouragement and hope - a coach who leads with kindness, not contempt. She is a safe place in which you can bring your thoughts, raw and ragged, and she will point out all the goodness in them.”

shapes it as, “One of my favorite take-aways from a place called Onsite (An emotional wellness recovery center near Nashville TN , where our family received incredible healing) – taught me about a 2-degree shift. The phenomenon of small adjustments making monumental impact over time. Making a slight shift and eventually you find yourself on firmer footing and establishing a plan forward that is realistic, genuine, sustainable, and supportive of what each person wants to accomplish in their personal and/or professional lives. The results are inspiring and it never gets old seeing people take charge of their lives and finding peace and true joy from where they were when they arrived. It’s real, and in our experience, lasting for those who are willing to engage authentically.”

Not surprisingly, there is much in the curriculum that is drawn from Leith and Aaron’s personal experiences, not just their studies in the art of life-coaching, mentoring, and guidance. They’re quick to point out, they are not licensed therapists or counselors though. They have numerous highly vetted, certified counselors and other professional resources they refer clients to when certain needs arise. But, hundreds of women have enjoyed her programs.

It’s also noteworthy to mention, that Leith has a deep & colorful spiritual life – she recalls the great and peaceful strength present to her during those times of sheer pain and uncertainty. Faith life is an essential component for the McHugh’s. And while this is not the emphasis of her life-coaching curriculum, it is a driving force in her overall philosophical doctrine.

CITY AUDITORIUM UPDATE FEB/MARCH 2022

By Chris Wineman, Principal, Semple Brown

On behalf of my colleagues at Semple Brown, I’m pleased to provide North readers with a sense of what’s going on with the renovation of the City Auditorium.

As our design team gets started on the renovation plans for the City Auditorium, one of our first priorities is to clearly understand what’s there right now – and to actually get inside the heads of the original architects and engineers.

For instance, our structural engineers from KL&A are currently evaluating the building structure – looking at questions like “where will we need to reinforce it?”, “What kinds of metals were used?” And “are there signs of fatigue or damage?”. The historic photo shown here (Image 1) offers a tantalizing glimpse of the building during construction – particularly of the remarkable trusses that support the roof of the Auditorium. Thanks to the work of the staff of the Pikes Peak Library District, we are fortunate to have access to scanned copies of the original building drawings. One excerpt from those drawings (Image 2) shows the structural drawing of one of those roof trusses. These provide our engineers with valuable information about the structure that they would otherwise have to painstakingly measure and calculate.

Aside from that kind of technical information, the original hand drawings are beautiful to look at – demonstrating the remarkable draftsmanship of the architects and engineers of the 1920s. They also act as a time machine, giving us glimpses of the designers’ original intentions that might influence our renovation plans. For instance, Image 3 shows 3 interesting details from left to right: • A “chair chute” below the arena floor to enable chairs to be quickly stowed when not in use.

• The Rifle Range on the alley side of the basement

• And the windows originally located in the

Image 1

Image 2

Rifle Range – perhaps these could be re-opened to provide daylight at the basement level

In the coming weeks, more of our consultants will be delving into these drawings, visiting the building and working with us to identify the most creative ways of giving this wonderful building a more active and vital role in the life of the Pikes Peak region. We look forward to sharing that journey with you!

Image 3

COMMUNITY CULTURAL COLLECTIVE

COLORADO SPRINGS CITY AUDITORIUM

TREE OF LIFE

This painting is based on imagery seen by the artist. For a few weeks each summer, when the rising sun shines on a tree, the trunk and branches reflect a distinct image that appears to show Jesus crucified.

Although several Bible verses state that Jesus was hanged on a tree, the Bible affirms that Jesus died on a cross. The wood of The Cross came from a tree.

Perhaps this image is simply God’s way of reminding us that Jesus, The Tree of Life, suffered and died so that we may live. He gives eternal life to those who believe in Him. He gives hope for a better life right now for those in need.

Jesus promised, “Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (MT 11:28).

What a comfort it is to know that with Jesus you will never be alone. JESUS LOVES YOU Artist, John DeFrancesco, 2022 www.johndefrancesco.com Monument, CO

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