Living With Hearing Loss

You Are Not Alone!

Always remember that, as you go through the difficulties of being hearing impaired, every person with a hearing loss has different hearing situations to deal with, yet they are similar to other people’s hearing impairments. We are in this together! By Mary Horton

Do you think that you are too young to have hearing problems? Don’t believe it! I was just 50 years old when I began wearing hearing aids… and my hearing problems began long before that.

Looking back, I accept that I was the cause of a lot of my hearing problems. When I was a teenager, I assisted writing a column for the local newspaper, aimed at drawing young readers to the newspaper. As one of the perks of the job, I interviewed many of the up and coming rock stars of the late 1960s and was given front row seats at their performances, usually right in front of the speakers. What teen would have passed up that opportunity?

Between that, and choosing to turn my car radio and my transistor radio up in volume, I was damaging my ears already. If anybody would have told me that back in the 1960s, I would have shaken my head and rolled my eyes… as my kids and grandkids do now (but they do it a little more hesitantly, knowing my hearing problems).

Let’s go back about 20 years from today. I was in denial. People weren’t talking loudly enough. I wasn’t paying enough attention. I hadn’t cleaned my ears in a while. I was tired. Anything to explain why I wasn’t hearing conversations.

When I finally went to an otolaryngologist (an ear, nose, and throat specialist, or ENT), I was told that I did have moderate hearing loss in one of my ears, and not as much loss in the other one. It was recommended that I get hearing aids.

Wait a minute! I wasn’t even 50 years old! Hearing aids were for old people—not me! So, I went further into denial, continually making excuses to family and friends, at work, and at all kinds of extracurricular activities for why I wasn’t hearing properly.

Then, when I eventually decided that I couldn’t constantly make excuses for my hearing loss, my vanity entered in. I have worn my hair short the majority of my life. It was important to me, at my young age, that nobody knew I was wearing hearing aids. So, I delayed about

When I was a teenager, I assisted writing a column for the local newspaper, aimed at drawing young readers to the newspaper. As one of the perks of the job, I interviewed many of the up and coming rock stars of the late 1960s and was given front row seats at their performances, usually right in front of the speakers. What teen would have passed up that opportunity?

As a hearing aid specialist once told me, having hearing aids is like having a satellite dish. The satellite dish has to rotate until it hones in on the signal. The same is true for hearing aids. Often, the first few words of any conversation are lost while the hearing impaired person is trying to locate the person who is talking, and hone in on their words. Do you have any idea how many conversations begin with the central theme of the conversation in the first few words? Without those words, the person with a hearing loss is totally lost in the remainder of the conversation.

another year, while my hair grew about shoulder length, in order to cover up my ears—and my future hearing aids.

Accepting Hearing Aids

I received my first set of (analog) hearing aids when I was 50 years old. They provided a vast improvement in my hearing, but they weren’t perfect. They were adjusted, and readjusted, and readjusted again, to give me optimal hearing power. My otolaryngologist advised me that my hearing would never return to what it was when I was younger. I guess I thought that hearing aids would be the answer to all my hearing problems. How naive! Every few years, as the technology improved and my hearing continued to deteriorate, I purchased new “state of the art” hearing aids, now all digital. Each set was better than the ones they were replacing, but in a matter of a few years, they also needed to be replaced and updated. I am now on my sixth set of hearing aids in 19 years.

What’s more, if there is any coverage for the cost of hearing aids, it is extremely minimal. I have received just $100 in insurance reimbursement in 19 years, and I have “excellent” insurance! The rest is out of your pocket. My most recent set cost almost $7,000. How many people can afford to spend that kind of money? So many people who are hearing impaired have no hearing devices at all, which often leads them to a different kind of life.

The downsides can be overwhelming. Many family members and friends do not truly realize, even though you tell them—repeatedly—that you really do want to hear them, and their conversations. They don’t realize that it is often difficult to block out outside noise, such as radios, elevator music, traffic, other people’s conversations, etc., so that you can zero in on what they are saying.

As a hearing aid specialist once told me, having hearing aids is like having a satellite dish. The satellite dish has to rotate until it hones in on the signal. The same is true for hearing aids. Often, the first few words of any conversation are lost while the hearing impaired person is trying to locate the person who is talking, and hone in on their words. Do you have any idea how many conversations begin with the central theme of the conversation in the first few words? Without those words, the person with a hearing loss is totally lost in the remainder of the conversation.

Along the same lines, many people speak too fast. I often tell people that I can’t hear as fast as they speak, and ask them to slow down. The society we live in today encourages speed in everything, and speech is no exception. Again, a lot of conversation is lost (and not just to people with hearing loss) because people speak too fast.

It’s Not the Volume

For many people with hearing loss, volume is not the general problem. Volume can be adjusted most of the time. Honing in on the sound source, speed, and also clarity are the biggest problems. Clarity, especially in the South, where I live, is essentially nonexistent. People do not speak complete sentences. People slur words together, which may appear lazy but they are actually just speaking as most Southerners do. Distinctly speaking each word separately from the word before and after is very helpful for all listeners.

Picture this: You are at a restaurant with a small group of maybe six or eight people. There are other people in the restaurant, carrying on their own conversations. There is background music playing, sometimes softly, but usually these days loudly. You, the person with a hearing loss, are trying to block out those other conversations, and noise, while attempting to hone in on the various conversations taking place at your own table.

Often, when a person is talking to me, and I can hear very little of the conversation, I will smile and nod, as though I understand it all. This is totally wrong, and I am guilty of it, even knowing this. The person could be telling me something that is extremely sad… not to be smiled at! Additionally, I am indicating that I understand what they are saying, which could be critical instructions like agreeing to pick up their child from school that very afternoon. It is wrong to indicate you fully understand something when you do not—but you pretend because you don’t want to feel isolated.

Your satellite dish is whirring so fast, trying to stay with each conversation, unsuccessfully, that you finally just shut down. You are no longer part of the conversations, because you have lost the focus. You are exhausted trying to hear. You are alone in a group of friends or family. You feel isolated, while surrounded by others. You decide not to go to group meals, or group activities, or family functions. You feel that there is no reason for you to even be there.

Another example: You, a person with a hearing loss, are trying to understand instructions from a salesperson, mechanic, repair person, installer, attorney, physician, [fill in the blank]. You have already told them you are hearing impaired, and for them to please speak slowly and clearly, because you want to understand their instructions, comments, information, etc. Rarely do these adjustments persist for more than a few words or sentences.

And if there is someone with you, even if that person will not be dealing with the issue being discussed, the instructions or information will be directed to that person, totally leaving you out. I want to say, “I AM THE CUSTOMER! PLEASE SPEAK TO ME!” Instead I leave, often just choosing to do without the product or service. Often, when a person is talking to me, and I can hear very little of the conversation, I will smile and nod my head, as though I understand the conversation. This is totally wrong, and I am guilty of it, even knowing this. The person could be telling me something that is extremely sad… not to be smiled at. Additionally, I am indicating that I understand what they are saying, which could be some very critical instructions, like agreeing to pick up their child from school that afternoon! It is wrong to indicate that you understand something when you do not! But—you don’t want to be “isolated.” So you pretend. Next up: COVID-19! The impossible year (and beyond) for those with hearing loss! Not only do masks muffle voices, but they prevent seeing lips and any attempt to read them. You can see no expression, except eyes, assuming that social distancing allows you to be close enough to see eye expression. You experience even more intense isolation than even before the pandemic.

Other Challenges

What I wish typical hearing people understood are the daily challenges. First: telephone calls! Again, often the first few words of any phone conversation are lost while the person with a hearing loss tries to hone in on the person on the other end of the line without the advantage of seeing their expression or their lips. One of the many blessings of the technological age is emailing and texting! Hurrah! Nearly all of my family and close friends know that this is the way that I communicate. I know captioned calls can also be helpful.

Group conferences/meetings! When there is a central speaker, hearing aids are generally very good, after the first two or three words. If a person with a hearing loss is in attendance, they should already be aware of the topic, so hopefully the first few words missed would relate strictly to laying out the purpose of the meeting, which would include the topic.

If, however, there is any open discussion from the audience/participants, that is a completely different matter. A person with a hearing loss can pretty much forget hearing any of that. Occasionally, the speaker will repeat questions that participants ask, before giving the response, which is wonderful. In my experience, though, this rarely happens. You have to keep asking for it.

It is not easy to find volunteer positions when you are severely hearing impaired, but they are out there. And doing something like this restored my self-esteem.

Wanting to Give Back

Another issue: Many people like to give back by volunteering. As younger people are generally busy with jobs, families, and activities associated with them, the majority of volunteering—at hospitals, libraries, food banks, local charities—falls upon older, often retired, people… those who are more likely to have difficulty hearing. The inability to correctly hear someone’s question or instruction could be embarrassing at best or damaging at worst: » A person comes to church, wanting guidance and prayer for a personal situation. And instead you hear they need to know where the bathroom is. » A person has just lost a loved one, and wants prayer and solace. And instead, you smile and say something like “that’s nice.” » A person comes to a hospital, looking for the room number of their loved one. You hear the wrong name, giving incorrect, and sometimes very embarrassing, information. » A person is “shopping” at a food bank and tells you they have a specific food allergy. You misunderstand them, giving them food that could cause serious problems.

You get the picture.

It would be so easy to go into your home, close and lock the door, and shut yourself in, and everyone else out. It is so important to not isolate yourself. It is so important to feel like you are still a valued and necessary person, an asset to others. This, however, is often quite a struggle.

I looked for a place where I could volunteer, even with my hearing loss, and was fortunate to find the perfect position for me. There is a local organization that serves clients with educational training and counseling, as well as clothing and supplies, most of which are donated. The clients are trained and counseled by other volunteers.

I sort through and organize all the clothing and supplies, and restock items as necessary. My hearing loss does not affect these tasks, nor does it hamper the caring and helpful function of the organization itself. It is not easy to find volunteer positions when you are severely hearing impaired, but they are out there. And doing something like this restored my self-esteem.

Another idea, particularly if you are homebound or quarantined: Don’t we all enjoy getting a handwritten note in the mail? It is almost a lost art. I try to write and send handwritten notes to people, and particularly during the pandemic, I wrote and thanked people who went above and beyond to make the best of very difficult circumstances, including hospital staff, nursing/assisted living staff, restaurant owners, etc. Everybody likes to have a pat on the back.

I often think about Helen Keller, deaf as well as blind, and who was truly an amazing woman. When asked whether she considered vision or hearing more important, she replied: “The problems of deafness are deeper and more complex, if not more important, than those of blindness. Deafness is a much worse misfortune.… Blindness cuts us off from things, but deafness cuts us off from people.”

How true.

Mary Horton lives in Alabama.

Share your story: Tell us your hearing loss journey at editor@hhf.org.