3 minute read
Cooking
Grape Expectations by Max Crus
Pull the other one.
What’s going in in caravanland? Have you noticed that no two caravans are the same model? Just check it out on Caravans.com. Who knew that caravans are the bastion of bespoke and those grey nomads are all individuals after all. But what’s driving this and I don’t mean whether it’s a gas-guzzling, giant Toyota Landcrusher or a Nissan Petrol Purifer (yeah, they turn petrol into a yummy mix of greenhouse gases and particulates as fast as any semi-trailer)? I followed a caravan the other day, the model? ‘HardCore’! Would you want your child driving around with one of those behind them? Or was it a couple of grey nomads’ cry for help? Many other names caravan companies have given their products are lures that you’re going to get whatever is suggested in the name, but excitement comes in various forms, for example there’s Expedition or Adventurer but what do you get with Silver Fox? Base Station is another. Try getting a 20-foot van up Everest and why do they still talk in feet? Intrepid? A family holiday in a caravan would be. Family Haven might be better. Desert Rose…does Paul Kelly get royalties? How many Bushmasters went to Ukraine by mistake? Terrain Tuff, is a kid’s toy isn’t it? Majestic Navigator, haha. Get lost. On The Move, how inventive. Isn’t ‘Sunset’ a bit close to home for Grey Nomads? Legend Caravans (how modest) has a Groundbreaker…specially when they fnd a dump point. For those wanting to look tough there’s Scorpion, Wild Warrior, Dominator, Maverick, Safari Tamer (shouldn’t that be the other way around?). A few military offerings for vets : Trooper, Ballistic (true!), Force 7. Some are somewhat sombre…Monument (are you dead already?). Some soft ones, Sarah, ohhhh. Aussiemate, how patriotic. Alpha, Tango, Golf, do you read me? Kimberley Kampers Kruiser kouldn’t get anything right. A few deserts get a nod, Tanami, Simpson, Pavlova… just kidding. How about ‘Fair Dinkum? Fair dinkum. If you can have one called Noosa, why not Cocklebiddy? What happened to the good old days when there was just Windsor, Coramal and Viscount? Now there’s more Windsors in Buckingham palace than on the road, but I saw one yesterday. As a wise old caravan park owner once said, “these people come to town with one t-shirt and one $5 note, and they don’t change either of them”. But I’m pretty sure they are all wine drinkers, once they run out of light beer and billy-tea.
Here’s few suggestions for them :
2021, $? Possibly the worst named wine in Australia and a perfect name for a caravan. This is almost indiscernible from other frivolous whites on the shelves with a few percent more in the alco stakes, so if low is your go, go there and live longer... if not as happily.
$? This is getting closer, but of course it still has some alcohol. You could still drive a caravan after a whole bottle too. But why would you? 8.8/10.
Redheads SA Moonlighter White Blend 2022, $?
Another great name for a caravan, come on guys! Everyone is blending these days, and what better way to lure people than with a weird blend. You can spend hours debating which grapes with your grey nomad mates or just drink it, because it’s good, smart, sharp white wine. 9.1/10.
RedHeads SA Moonlighter Red
Blend 2021, $? How many people under 40 years of age understand what moonlighting is? There’s probably a new inuendo these days so best not delve. Sensible red wine for frolicking occasions. 9.1/10.
Paulmara Barossa Valley Project XW Australian White Wine
2021, $25. Project XW sounds very Netflix, and another wine with unannounced grapes, but it’s a project, it’s meant to be mysterious. Tune in and see if you can solve it. 9.2/10.
Paulmara Barossa Valley Cabernet
Sauvignon 2020, $30. Back into the room with another Barossa cab, one of my favourites. This is real red with lots of alcohol and lots of body, indeed lots of everything. Have it with a pizza with the lot. 9.4/10.
