3 minute read
Wine
Grape Expectations by Max Crus
Gotta’ know when to hold ‘em, Dictator Dom
It will come as little surprise that between obfuscation and obstruction in the dictionary is the proper noun, Coalition.
First it was the republic referendum – “Let’s ask a completely obscure and irrelevant question so a ‘Yes’ vote sounds like a ‘No’, a ‘No’ sounds like a ‘Yes’, and “hang on, what are we voting for, and how can I get a knighthood without a monarchy?”
Then it was banking - “Nothing to see hear, and anyway, we couldn’t investigate banks even if there was because it would undermine the whole system which would then collapse under uncertainty”, so the Coalition voted against the Royal Commission…26 times!
Climate change – “This is a piece of coal. Don’t be scared of it”, and “we only contribute 2 per cent of the world’s greenhouse gases so why bother?” “Electric vehicles will kill the weekend and Australians need cars with grunt”, conveniently forgetting that trains, for instance, are propelled by diesel-electric motors.
More recently it’s been the Voice. “Let’s ask 15 stupid questions that are already answered that, again, people won’t really know what they are voting for. Indigenous people haven’t had a voice thus far and they don’t need one now. Parliament doesn’t need advice on how its decisions might affect them, we’ll be the judge of that thank you very much.”
On a more local level it’s poker machines and the cashless gaming card – “There are more forms of gambling than just pokies you know, so let’s not do anything”, to paraphrase outgoing pollie, David Elliott, Minister for Transport, Veterans, Obfuscation and Dobbing, and he should know given he has worked for the NSW Hotels Association, is on the board of a club and has a son working for the biggest gambling company in the world. Why wouldn’t you ask an expert like that?
The Nationals agree, “The cashless gaming card will kill country clubs and life as we know it in the bush”, and again, “there’s other forms of gambling…and we’re not doing anything about them either”.
You’ve got to hand it to the Coalition, which is possibly where their problems began, it’s always been handed to them, along with their fancy dress outfts.
Poor Dom, just when he was on a sausage roll, his own party pours sauce on it. What are the odds?
Oh well, what’s a nice wine to go with sausage rolls, obstruction, obfuscation, pokies…and schadenfreude?
Another valiant effort to jump on the bandwagon of zero alcohol beverages and equally serviceable as its sister above. Bubbly, a tad sweet and, again, not a million miles from apple cider. 9.0/10. Max Crus
Tristis is the name of the artwork adorning the label, but how apt to have an ACT wine (well, almost) to enjoy beside a political spat? This is a bit of an Albo wine, lightweight, yet powerful without being big and brash. 9.5/10
Moppity Vineyards Hilltops Shiraz 2021, $35.
This too is on the light side of the alcohol spectrum, but no less punch in the favour stakes, which would make a great name for horse race. Sorry to bring gambling into it. Gamble and drink responsibly.
9.4/10.
Ox Hardy Adelaide Hills Chardonnay 2021, $38.
The pink of the label text was my favourite colour as a child until I was bashed for it. We’ve moved on from there and moved on from chardonnay of that era too. Very modern stuff for new age afcionados and others who don’t mind a bit of pink in their palate/palette. 9.5/10.
Ox Hardy McLaren Vale Upper Tintara Vineyard Fiano 2022, $27.
These guys really got their colour palette right and if you bought it just for that you’d get one of the better fanos going around, a grape that really should replace pinot grigio. 9.3/10
Amazingly refreshing and drinkable stuff… just don’t expect sauv blanc as we know it. More akin to apple juice or even some tropical fruits as the label suggests. Very drinkable, so lucky there’s no alcohol. 9.1/10.
