Grape Expectations by Max Crus Better late than feta

Here we go again.

A bunch of tiny villages in Italy, Spain, Türkiye and Greece and, okay, all over the place, are shirty about us using their names on our products. The nerve.

Why shouldn’t I be able to make ‘Feta’ here in Betoota, just because the good burghers of Greece invented the stuff (and don’t even put it on their burgers), and want to put a patent on it?

Fair suck of the saveloy. Hang on, can’t use that either if Wikipedia is to be believed…”The word is believed to be derived from Middle French cervelas or servelat, originating from Old Italian cervellato (‘pigs brains’), ultimately from the Latin cerebrus (‘brain’). Its frst known use in the English language in this meaning was 1784. Cervellato is still the name of a sausage in Italy; it is longer and thinner than standard Italian sausages”….so to whom does the humble sav’ belong now?

Work that one out guys. But then again, why bother, since no-one is going to eat them now after discovering the active ingredient is pig’s brains. Hmm, actually, many thought it was worse than that.

Yep, here we go again, the way of Champagne, Hermitage, Port, Burgundy and Claret, just to name what we drank last night, under a different name, with our feta, gruyere, parmesan and prosecco, all the latter coming under the same threat.

So what do we do? Engage a bevy of embarrassingly highly paid lawyers to fght the inevitable.

Idiots.

Instead of funnelling all our hard (or soft) earned money into the superannuation funds of people dressed in stupid, woolly wigs, just drop the names and start a campaign, a competition even better, to fnd a new name for feta et al. Okay, our chances aren’t good. We still haven’t found something half decent to replace Champagne, and while they’re already onto it with ‘Beta’, actually, that’s taken already too, how about ‘Meta’, um, guess not. ‘Zeta’? Sounds like a Greek granny, but nonetheless slightly inappropriate. ‘Deta’? Yeah, nah.

To the cheese (and wine) industry, suck it up guys and get a wriggle on and stop throwing good money after bad advice, you’re starting to look like the tobacco industry…and don’t think that debate isn’t coming with alcohol.

Um, am I allowed to say, even in jest, that I am from Betoota, or is that a breach of copyright?

Best’s Great Western Cabernet Sauvignon 2021 $25

Actually maybe you could take these to court. I gave the nod to the cab originally, but maybe I had to get up earlier the next day, and the shiraz is older… better try them again 9.4/10.

Dalfarras South Eastern Australia

Prosecco 2021, $20.

Bright enough bubbles with a slightly Italian edge, in name at least. Perfectly good plonk for a party so enjoy it until the party is over.

9/10.

(Wine X Sam) Central Victoria The Victorian Prosecco 2021, $24. Queen Victoria has a lot to answer for but this prosecco is one of her better outcomes. Toast the monarchy or its demise along with that of prosecco with each glass.

9.2/10.

Mayfeld Vineyard Orange

‘Backyard’ Riesling 2022, $34.

Fancy having riesling vines in your backyard? Yep, that’s where this gets its name. Who apart from the kids, wouldn’t give up a cricket pitch for a riesling patch? You wouldn’t get any argument from the current Aussie cricket team surely. Smart stuff, defnitely more Smith than Warner.

9.4/10.

Mayfeld Vineyard Orange

‘Sophie’s Godmother’ Sauvignon Blanc 2022, $34.

A sauv blanc in the old style but not so old that you’d call it White

Bordeaux. Refreshingly traditional without the new world (NZ) excess or trendy use of oak. Apparently Sophie’s Godmother found this vineyard! “To lose one vineyard is unfortunate...”.

9.3/10

Best’s Great Western Bin No.1 Shiraz 2020, $25. One way to tell which of two lovely wines is the better, is to see how much remains the next morning. This possibly got the edge over its cabernet sibling, but you wouldn’t engage a lawyer to debate it. Both full bodied reds from full-bodied red country.

9.4/10.