Hot under the collar from motel kettles.

Everybody laughs at the ubiquity of kettles in motel rooms that won’t ft under the tap because not only are all the fttings and fxtures in motels the cheapest that money can buy, which just happen to also be the smallest, but so are the appliances, which just happen to be the largest.

Just as Oscar Wilde wrote “Apologies for the long letter, I didn’t have time to

Deep Woods Estate

Margaret River Reserve Chardonnay 2023, $80

Very subtle marketing, the Reserve Range has a label soft gold on a soft silvery grey. Here, ‘Single Vineyard’ is trumped by the ‘Reserve’ range and the extra $30 buys a bit time to write a short one”, so too are big kettles easier and cheaper to make than small ones.

But this is where things get weird, like American politicians, it is actually cheaper and easier to build a kettle with an exposed element than a fat-bottomed thingy, yet motels always opt for the latter.

This is because they are louder, and motels like nothing more than to help it for when you have time to savour it. 9.5/10.

Deep Woods Estate guests annoy one another, which is amply achieved by frst banging the kettle on the basin and tap while trying to manoeuvre it into a position where water can get inside, and then by switching it on.

Margaret River Single Vineyard Chardonnay 2022, $50. The little sister is an altogether easier wine to live with and almost preferable to the reserve…but not quite.

They are specifcally designed to not only wake guests in the same room, but also those in adjacent rooms, because roadside motels have brick walls.

Sound carries much more effciently through hard mediums than soft which also explains why motel TVs are attached to the walls. Equally, no matter what time you set your alarm, the guest next door will have theirs, usually a clock radio or iPhone with ‘Marimba’ as the alarm tone, set earlier.

‘Septimus’ Cabernet Malbec 2022, $50. Septimus sounds quite medical, but it’s the name of the vineyard, and also a roman emperor, so get over it, which is mercifully easy. Great wine for a gift to anyone called Septimus. 9.3/10.

Naturally those same neighbours will have a wheelie case with one wheel missing, which is a bit shiraz seems altogether better behaved than say Barossan or McLaren Vale shiraz, which by comparison are brash and loud. With this you can enjoy a quiet drink in both senses of the word. Refned and fne. 9.4/10.

Deep Woods Margaret irrelevant because you are wide awake by then anyway and just in case, the opening and closing of every door of their car, will ensure it.

Additionally the neighbouring guests are also too poor to buy a new car so you will also be assailed by the rattly 1992 Toyota Landcrusher parked rear-in because they misread the new sign which says ‘Please park nose-in unless you have an electric vehicle in which

So much cabernet, so little time, Deep Woods have blocks all over the place and they’re all of such good quality, eastern states growers must be weeping into their Riedels. If variety wasn’t the spice of life you could just drink WA and be case you can do as you wish, because you are an entitled, rich Greens voter’, which is far too complicated to be read by the equally entitled, National-Party-voting owner of the planet-killing diesel. Naturally, only Green voters will enjoy the following wines, Landcrusher owners will just whinge about not being able to clear their own deep woods, then do it anyway.

Sauvignon 2022, $90

As with most good cabernets, this shows its true colours the next day. If only we had been restrained enough to save more of it. Alternatively, you could buy two bottles and open them both. One