Grinding teeth over grinding beans.

Hot on the heels of last week’s column on the hot-button topic of kettles comes more of the same from the related feld of coffee making.

What is it about making coffee that one of the quietest and most pleasurable things that humans do (without breaching the protocols of, paradoxically, family publications and clean speech), is usually accompanied by some of the

Castelli Denmark (WA) Il Liris Chardonnay 2021, $120. Fancy an Italian family, in a place called Denmark making a French wine for Australians. How multicultural, but it doesn’t mean we’re not racist. However, even racists can enjoy a posh and bold chardonnay, indeed they may relish the old school approach like when racism loudest and most annoying means of doing so? was encouraged. 9.7/10.

Okay, I accept that some of those other things can be noisy too when done properly, and sorry to prolong the metaphor, but I digress…the thing that grinds my beans the most however, is how loud coffee shops are.

Want to have a quiet catch up with a friend over coffee?

This cannot be achieved inside a coffee shop.

Castelli Frankland River Shiraz 2020, $37. The unmistakeable air of clever shiraz is almost the unmistakeable air of WA shiraz, but some are a touch above others, and this is one such shiraz. 9.4/10.

Castelli Frankland River Cabernet Sauvignon 2019, $42. If not quite old

Okay, of course they must use an industrial strength grinder because they grind fresh beans for every single coffee and are therefore very industrious bits of gear, but and when they get grinding you can’t hear yourself think let alone hear what your friend thinks!

Surely a little bit of double glazing somewhere in the mechanism would solve the problem and fend off a enough to be at its best now, it is nevertheless looking pretty good already. Seems a shame we won’t know what it might be like in fve-years-time unless we buy another one and wait. Tempting. 9.5/10. Castelli Great Southern Chardonnay 2023, $37. This might be from a million miles away, unless you live in WA, but it isn’t lawsuit for hearing loss and tinnitus down the track? Or grind a batch every 5 minutes or so, or would that be too stale for yuppie palates?

And the way they bang the coffee head on the bin to dump the grinds, grrr. Wouldn’t be surprised if they use that technique in Guantanamo when waterboarding fails.

Yet even away from the daily grind things don’t a million miles from its $120 big sister in terms of quality. Very posh and delicious stuff and only the uber rich, of which there are many in WA to be sure, will opt for the exxy one instead of three of this. 9.5/10. improve. Most domestic coffee machines are noisy little Sunday-morning-sleepin spoilers too and should come with a decibel warning like lawnmowers.

Richard Hamilton McLaren Vale Gida’s Rosé (Tempranillo Grenache) 2023, $26.

Hardly worth it for the piddly amount of coffee they spit out, and even the funny little milk frother can make a racket when you’re hungover.

And don’t get me started on microwave ovens, but since

Gida was the Richard Hamilton matriarch and bought their frst vineyard in McLaren Vale. Something certainly worth honouring so why not with a rosé? Deliciously savoury with the right amount of everything you look for in light, pink stuff. Extremely easy to have more than you should. 9.4/10.

Richard Hamilton you have, why not?

Actually, let’s save that for next week when we kick off our very own MAQA campaign, Make Australia Quiet Again.

What better way to launch such a campaign than with the gentle ‘phhhhttt’ of a properly opened bottle of bubbles, the pop of a cork or the equally calming crack of a stelvin cap?

Keep calm and try these:

McLaren Vale ‘Sombra’ Tempranillo 2023, $26. How uncanny we were watching the Stan series The Long Shadow. As grim as it is, the Sombra would be a welcome balm to the anger and frustration the show will invoke, and it’s only 13 percent so you could go a couple of episodes without overdoing itg. 9.3/10.