Cast of Characters M ALE I, a human male M ALE II, a human male FIGURE, humanlike, yet not quite human
Place A completely bare, white room.
Time Unknown time of day. Or night.
At RISE: M ALE I sits on the edge of a chair, facing the wall; a computer screen devours his face. M ALE II, sits on the edge of an identical chair, facing the opposite wall, his face equally not his own. A door, with a small doggy-door toward the bottom, stands in the middle of third wall, equidistant from the two men. A light, not illuminated, sits ominously above. Think the Skinner box. M ale I sits at his computer. Silence. Beat. M ale II moves a little in his chair. Silence. Beat. Silence. Punctuated only by the sound of keys clicking, sporadically and rapidly. M ale I lets out a slight cough. M ALE II (his face still in the computer) What? M ALE I (unflinching and unmoving) What? Beat. M ALE II What? Beat.
2.
M ALE I What? The two return their undivided attention to their companions. .“Click, click, click.” ... “Click, click.” ... “Click... Click, click, click, click... Click click.” M ale I coughs again. M ALE II What now?! M ALE I What? M ALE II What do you want now?! M ALE I What do you mean? I didn’t say anything. M ALE II Stop bothering me!... Their beloveds request their undivided attention. The music of the humble servants resumes, as their fingers move wildly, in all directions. Beat. Suddenly, the sound of a loud alarm impregnates the air. The light floods the room with a stroboscopic red hue. The two men jump instinctively out of their chairs, and run toward the door. They chaotically surround it, impatiently awaiting the arrival of... something.
3.
A plate of food is suddenly pushed through the doggy-door. The two men pounce, and begin to fight savagely over the plate. The food falls onto the floor; the two struggle for their share. Food in hand, the two scurry back to their chairs, rejoining their loved ones. The music of the finger dance resumes, accompanied now by the sound of chewing and swallowing, chewing and swallowing. M ale II lets out a large belch. M ALE I (his face still in the computer) What? M ALE II (unflinching and unmoving) What? Beat. M ALE I What? Beat. M ALE II What? The two reinvest their undivided attention. .“Click, click.” ... “Click, click, click.” ... “Click... Click, click, click, click.” ... “Click.” M ale II burps again. M ALE I What now?!
4.
M ALE II What? M ALE I What do you want now?! M ALE II What do you mean? I didn’t say anything. M ALE I Stop bothering me... Their lovers call. The finger music resumes. Beat. Suddenly, the sound of a different loud alarm pierces the silence. The light floods the room, this time with a stroboscopic purple hue. The two men jump instinctively out of their chairs, and run toward the door. They sit down next to it excitedly, awaiting... something. A television appears in the doggy-door. The two men, children sitting anxiously around an opulent evergreen Christmas morning, track its movement with their bulging, bloodshot eyes. The television stops moving, and a figure pops onto the screen. It is a superbly well-dressed, physically-fit, wrinkle-free white male. He smiles at the two with spotless white teeth. M ALE I & M ALE II (in unison; subserviently, childishly) Yes Bernays?! Bernays makes a gesture with his hands. The two emulate his exact movements.
5.
Bernays continues with what appears to be a brief choreographed routine. The two mimic his each and every motion. Bernays ends his histrionic gesticulations with a final hoorah. BERNAYS Bye, bye! (Or is it “Buy, buy!”?) The screen returns to its blank state; the television begins to reverse its path, traveling backward toward the door. The two cringe upon seeing it leave; they crawl after the set in terror, mourning its imminent departure. The two squeal as the machine passes through the doggy-door. They remain on the ground next to the door for a few moments, as if anxiously anticipating the device’s return. Losing hope, the two quickly scramble back across the room, seeking the solace of their propres domiciles. The keyboard’s sweet melody resumes once more. Beat. Suddenly, the sound of a new, third alarm disrupts the room’s silence. The light emits a powerful stroboscopic blue hue. As soon as the first “buzz” of the stentorian alarm reaches their ears, the two turn swiftly toward the door with looks of sheer terror consuming their faces.
6.
Just as quickly and instinctively, they race to the back wall, striving to distance themselves from the door as much as possible—yet not allowing it to leave their sight for a moment. The door swings open, and an ominous figure stands in the doorway, obscured in darkness. It bellows loudly over the cacophonous alarm, in a voice that sounds oddly machinelike. It is rather monotone and bromidic, and lacks the inflection of a human; it is as though it is merely a recording being played back. FIGURE Productivity has decreased by zero-point-one-four per cent. Adjust productivity to reflect maximum potential. Adjust productivity to reflect maximum potential. The two push themselves in a fit of terror against the back wall, trembling like jackhammers. The stroboscopic light bounces on and off, on and off of the figure, temporarily illuminating something humanlike, but not quite human— lending it an ethereal, prodigious light. FIGURE Repeat. Repeat. Productivity has decreased by zero-point-one-four per cent. Adjust productivity to reflect maximum potential. Adjust productivity to reflect maximum potential. Obey this order. Obey this order, or punishment will ensue. Punishment will ensue. Effective immediately. The two cower even more. FIGURE (adding impertinently, as if required) Thank you, have a nice day. And bye, by, buy! The door swings shut, and the menace disappears from vision. The alarm and light promptly stop. Silence.
7.
The two slowly, and very prudently, return to their seats. They gradually relax, and settle back into their routine... Beat. The two are enthralled in their machines, their lovers. Beat. The two are inextricably entrenched in the mechanistic depths. Beat. Suddenly, it becomes evident that something is awry. M ale I begins to move somewhat erratically in his seat. He begins to flagellate. This crescendoes rather rapidly into a wild frenzy. He hits the sides of his computer in spasmodic duress. M ale II breaks his attention away for his paramour long enough to turn around and observe. He watches as M ale I turns into a deranged lunatic. M ale I lets out a final scream at his exinamorata, and vehemently pushes her off of the table on which she lies. The machine falls to the ground with a very loud “crash,� and breaks into pieces. M ale I stands over his fallen prey, huffing and puffing. A maleficent fire fills his eyes. It seems as though blood drips from his desiccated lips. He turns forebodingly toward M ale II.
8.
M ALE I M ove. M ale I, having returned his undivided attention to his star-crossed lover, does not hear. M ALE I (vituperative) M ove! M ale I, having now heard his roommate’s call, turns around in his seat. He sees the butchered cadaver on the floor, her sanguinary viscera scattered across the room; fear festers in his terror-stricken eyes. M ALE II (at a loss for words) W, wh, wha... M ALE I I said, move. M ale II looks up toward his cohabitant’s lunatic visage; their eyes meet. M ale I’s burn through. M ALE II (trembling) Well, uh, this is, uh, mine, uh, my— M ale I leaps across the room and knocks M ale II out of his seat. M ale II crawls around helplessly on the floor, in a fruitless attempt to flee his predator’s clawed grasp. M ALE II C’mon, I, uh, I didn’t, um... C’mon! What’d I do? I didn’t really do anything! Why are you—
9.
M ale I grabs a menacing piece of shrapnel—remnants of a once strong relationship truly gone sour—and beats M ale II to death with it. Silence. M ale I stands again over his fallen prey, huffing and puffing. The maleficent fire is now no longer ocular; it has metamorphosed into an uncontrollable conflagration, enveloping his entire body, his mind, his soul... Real, human, blood drips precariously from his desiccated lips. He wipes them, and stands erect. He drops the carrion paraphernalia and saunters over to the other—now his—side of the room. He sits down at the table; it appears as though he takes the most erotic of pleasures in making himself comfortable in his new seat. He sensually strokes the mouse of his nouvel amant. Suddenly, the second alarm sounds again. The purple stroboscopic light fills the room. M ale I turns his head slowly, calm and collected, toward the door. He watches, his hand never leaving the mouse, as the television appears in the doggy-door. The machine stops moving, and Bernays pops again onto the screen. He looks exactly the same; his outfit is identical, his face without a blemish; he smiles still flawless. M ale I rises from his seat, and walks calmly over to the television. He kowtows servilely.
10.
M ALE I I am sorry Bernays. I truly, truly am. I understand what I have done, and I wish to atone for it. Please, forgive me. Bernays makes the same gesture with his hands. M ale I follows in suite. Bernays continues with the previous series of choreographed motions. M ale I mimics him perfectly. Bernays ends his histrionic gesticulations with the same oration; M ale I joins him. BERNAYS & M ALE I (in unison) Bye, buy! The device, blank again, begins its exit-route. M ale I, however, does not cringe upon seeing the it depart. He is very serene; he is at peace. M ALE I I knew you would understand Bernays; I knew it. You are truly as forgiving as they say. The television passes through the doggy-door. M an I watches placidly; his tranquil gaze persists, even after its absence. He then, slowly, peacefully, walks over to his new companion, joining her in a gentle embrace. The keyboard’s sweet melody resumes once more. Although now monophonic, it is as utterly saccharine as ever. Beat. CURTAIN