Spinning in Place

I was engaged in other people’s thoughts about my religion. The fear of exclusion kept my words stuck in my tongue when I wanted to share new perspectives to shape their thinking. In my imagination, untruthful rumors from people, social media, and the news had misled the Western population about Islam.

One day, a teacher who is responsible for diversity on campus wanted me to give a speech about Ramadan and fasting at a school assembly. I almost got the blue pill to continue to believe in the fear of uncertainty. Then, my promise echoed in my head as if the border officer had whispered the purpose of my visit. Believing in my religion was part of my personality. The time arrived to take the red pill, especially at this moment when I didn’t want to step up.

I went onstage in front of all the school with a wild heartbeat. I realized the negative energy that I carried before was a barrier to revealing the real me. When I explained the reason why we fast, the audience looked at me with pure focus. After sweating through that life-long ten minutes, my peers smiled at me as if the story of myself opened a new door in their thinking. At the same time, delivering this speech opened my own eyes to the importance of a little suffering along the way to finding the truth about myself.

That fire of fear inside me was burning away all the doubts along with the growth of my personality. Grit was the only thing that kept me conscious so that I could find the courage to escape from the illusion of truth. My uncertainty turned into confidence. The people who were listening taught me that nothing will be real if I don’t attempt to conquer my fear, which sometimes means choosing the harsh way. Speaking the truth about myself was just one of the steps I needed to take to pursue the right path.

Take the red pill.

By Barbora Prochazkova ’23

“Image of Red and Blue Pills.” Psych Alive, https:// www.psychalive.org/red-pill-or-blue-pillwhat-you-dont-know-may-hurt-you/.

Have you ever felt like there’s one thing in your life more powerful than anything else? I always have this feeling on the ice. I spend the best times in the cold, laughing, dreaming, and flying somewhere where no one exists–that is what ice means to me.

My dad taught me how to skate when I was tiny, and I immediately fell in love. As soon as I improved my skills, I joined a figure skating club and found my passion.

Coaches dragged me to competitions out of my comfort zone, and their only goal was to make a “champion” of me. Because of those expectations, I was put under enormous pressures that I could not escape from. These goals turned into abusive practices: diets, schoolwork, and a chaotic schedule. The most extensive advice I was given to keep up my incredible jumps was “One pound down, five inches up.” If I were skinnier, boneless even, that would be a perfect weight for my performance.

46 Unfortunately, this motivation did not help as much as it should have. My anxiety from it did not leave; it haunted me, and I created an unhealthy relationship with food. Every day I had to measure my weight; after each practice I was unhappy because instead of losing the weight, I gained–again! The reasons why I should quit overwhelmed me until there was nothing else left. My health was the first priority, but I was crying, thinking ‘what if,’ missing my comforting place. I felt I had no purpose as the failure I thought I was.

Months of wondering and dealing with all the emotions I had suppressed for ten years led me to philosophical questions like “What do I do now?” I was primarily worried about my future without my passion. Without figure skating, I felt I had no hope left. Feelings of blurry numbness filled me every day, with no reason to wake up in the morning.

Finally, though, my parents wanted me to pick a new sport. Out of nowhere I answered, “Hockey.” So I started training as an ice hockey player. I thought that the transition would be easy, but that was a colossal understatement. Still, I thought I would be on the top sooner or later.

The problem was – should I stay or give up? I am very stubborn, and there is no way back when I set a goal. So I convinced everyone, even myself, that I could do this and prove everyone wrong. That was my motivation at first–until I realized how much I loved it, how excited I was to finish my online classes during Covid-19 to go skate with my brother on the frozen pond and feel the peace I always get when I am there.

It is never about the people I am on the ice with. It is about standing there–having a place for myself, and getting anything I have in my head out. Alone, nonetheless not lonely, on the ice–creating my favorite place in the world.

Student Project

By Kate Hashiya ’24

Kate Hashiya’s astonishing English project in response to The Catcher In The Rye expresses a sophisticated understanding of the novel and brought tears to Ms. Van Buskirk’s eyes reminding us of the incredible power of literature.

Student Artwork

By Aaron Han ’23