Coming Home Away From Home by Helen Guo

HELEN GUO HER FAMILY

A $5.90

COMING HOME AWAY FROM HOME A COASTAL NORTHERN CHINESE COOKBOOK A JOURNEY OF RELATIONSHIP BUILDING

ABOUT AUTHOR

CONT ENTS 02

AUTHOR'S NOTES

STEAMED SWEET POTATO LEAVES

Can I no longer make good Chinese food just because some classicingredients are missing?

When can I go home?

EMOH MORF YAWA EMOH GNIMOC | 3 EGAP

CELERY LEAF PANCAKE

"Gosh, why would a little girl like the food for our old village nannies?"

RED-COOKED FISH WITH CORN BREAD What the heck have I been eating?

TOMATO EDAMAME TOFU STIR-FRY

I'M COMING HOME. Being “culturally relevant” is less about specific diets than about building relationships.

FULL INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPTS "Look-back" conversations with my dad, mom, grandma and aunt that turned me forward.

CREDITS

AUTHOR'S NOTES

EMOH MORF YAWA EMOH GNIMOC | 4 EGAP

1. Although I am an authentic northern Chinese, native to Qingdao, please do not expect to use my book as authority - I am just offering a collection of my personal lived experiences that are by no means comprehensive. 2. Also, I hold an incredible amount of privilege. For example, ready access to fresh, culturally appropriate vegetables, getting expensive education in a renouned university in the United States, harmonic family relationships, and enough comfort to speak about deeply personal experiences. My wording and statements might not only be inadequate and leaving certain people out, but potentially triggering. However hard I try, I am not in a perfect place, and will not be anytime soon. I sincerely apologize for any possible negative effects (but not my state of imperfection). Please take my words for a grain of salt whenever that best serves you and your communities. 3. My hope, rather, is that you get from this cookbook a little bit of joy, inspiration and some curiosity to explore stories behind the foods and people you encounter, including yourselves' - by research, talking to people, practicing, or a healthy mix. Trust me, you will ultimately be empowered with open minds and efforts. 4. I have so many more personally important recipes than what this cookbook covers. However, I try to adapt to you. I do not want to make you feel pressured to try to find ingredients you struggle to access. Instead, I offer recipes with relatively attainable ingredients, so you have the peace of mind to zoom into the stories and spirits of my food culture. 5. You will find the non-recipe portions of this cookbook LONG - maybe even annoyingly. This cookbook is structured around each dish as follows: Personal story that connects me to a dish Some regional, personal and cultural stories around the dish Recipe of the food Excerpts from my interviews with family that spices up the narratives through either parallel or contrast Don't sweat. Not everything is meant for you to read - only what serves you the best. I value you, my readers, as people who are willing to make time to listen and learn. I want to serve as diverse interests as I can.

EA ED EE A LEA E

WHEN CAN I GO HOME??? It was June After COVID hit Berkeley and my roommates promptly left for China I had been stuck in Berkeley living alone in a b b for months The apartments were painted in dirty ocean blue and grey like an industrial facility The corridors were lifeless and neighbors wouldn t even see each other Everything was just silent except growling machines in the morning and hoarse street curses deep into the night

In a time of heightened anxiety for humanity and my personal life this place felt isolating Even with remote communications it didn t look like anyone cared how I was feeling The nerves of every part of my body trembled with the electric current of anxiety and echoed all around my room in a self amplifying way with no one there to hold it with me

Roaming on the internet I stumbled across a Youtube channel cooking food of China my home country I heard my familiar language I saw the familiar giant bamboo cutting board wok on the gas stove and ingredients that I could hardly get from here I m sure I almost smelled the mouth watering fragrance Hee hee hee I laughed as I watched but at the end of each video I would burst into tears as if something hit the softest corner of my heart

I was still in tears when I suddenly froze wide eyed in front of the screen a steaming bowl of dark green leaves coated with white flour It zoomed me back to a sweaty middle of summer day when my lao lao maternal grandma dressed in loose old people s pajama served a steaming hot plate of flour coated sweet potato leaves I had been lying flat on the couch after strenuously mashing garlic to serve as a dip with soy sauce dark vinegar and sesame oil Then all I remembered was just pure satisfaction

That night when my parents were having lunch in the Beijing time zone I called them and shouted with excitement on the other side I miss flour steamed vegetables I m gonna make it My mom sighed and chuckled

GOSH, WHY WOULD A LITTLE GIRL LIKE THE FOOD FOR OUR OLD VILLAGE NANNIES?

Still I was determined to make it Fortunately the community farm I regularly volunteered in had sweet potato leaves whose values few knew beyond photosynthesis Back in my apartment I washed the leaves I picked myself and started pouring flour into the damp leaves I had no idea how much to put because my family would always cook for me so I could focus on studying After eyeballing and coating the leaves and sending them into the steamer I went ahead to recreate the home favorite mashed garlic

No mortar pestle our everyday household item back home turns out to be a fancy possession here too fancy for me to purchase So I just made a garlic smashing party out of the biggest IKEA knife Bam Bam Bam Now I m still that good kid just with an IKEA garlic masher instead Pressing the handle I enjoyed the juicy satisfaction from the disintegration of the garlic Adding in soy sauce dark vinegar sesame oil following free will I felt the warmth of familiarity

The old mortar my home

pestle set still in use in

I turned to the sweet potato leaves and found them increasingly stuck to the steam basket not the soft fluffiness I was looking for Meh I m not home after all the good old times are forever gone My mind was wandering into sorrow just when I smelled a dry smoky breath coming out of the pot which wasn t how steaming was supposed to be SHOOT The pot is boiling dry Anyang anyang anyang now I m making roasted sweet potato leaves instead Oh no I turned round and round like a drunk fly to find water to pour in the pot bursting into laughs at myself

more minutes and everything was ready to serve I carefully lifted up one sweet potato leaf with chopsticks to dip into the mashed garlic then put it on my tongue Immediately the spicy garlicky scent sent an electric current through my tongue My teeth pierced through the outer cooked layer of flour which combines with the mucus released from inside into soft warm chews It reached the back of my tongue along with a sweet nutty aroma more profound together with the soy sauce mellow vinegar tart garlic spicy all safely wrapped in a fragrant layer of sesame oil I put love into the garlic by finely smashing them and they loved me back by embracing my heart with a less pungent more balanced taste My stomach was cuddled when the warm soft noodle y leaves slid through it Comfort just comfort What a healing for my lone torn broken soul from creating and rebuilding connections in the kitchen

With the last and the slowest swallow I heard my mom sigh She likes our old rural nanny food

Alas that kid

RECIPE: STEAMED SWEET POTATO LEAVES Simple, healthy and comforting. Maybe compare it to a fresher, lighter, plantier version of noodles/pasta, brightened by our classic mashed garlic dip.

Sweet potatoes with origins in the Americas were introduced to China more than years ago in the ancient Qing Dynasty They greatly shaped the agricultural landscape in China so much that there have been debates in the Chinese academia as to whether China is an origin of sweet potatoes and were extensively grown in Shandong my home province As late as my parents generation grew up eating sweet potatoes colloquially called dĂŹgua ground melon as one of their few main foods

In the expansive Chinese vision of what is edible much under the influence of scarcity sweet potato leaves make a dish A very ordinary vegetable dish growing up according to my mom and a nice escape from a diet heavy in sweet potatoes and corn bread recipe coming later We eat them steamed just like people do with many foods in the classic Shandong cuisine putting importance onto preserving the original taste

The mashed garlic is a wildly popular relish across Shandong Our wild love for garlic in Qingdao is vividly captured by a native writer Anything with garlic stirred in would be deemed as a legitimate dish by Qingdao folks The dip made in mortar and pestle commonly accompanies almost all vegetables that are not stir fried as a cold dish the Chinese version of salad as well as boiled pork or beef Its wide application may have been why it got passed down in my family without teaching my mom learned to make this watching her parents and so did I I hope this becomes a source of enrichment on your table even if you did not grow up knowing its existence

Ingredients

Sweet potato leaves Flour Garlic Soy sauce Dark vinegar Sesame oil

Some Some A few Some Some Some

As much As much cloves As much As much As much

as you want as you want

as you want as you want as you want

Steps Start boiling water in the pot Wash and drain the sweet potato leaves Don t pat dry Pour in flour to coat the leaves the residual water on the leaves helps the flour stick Transfer the leaves into the steam basket Cover cook for minutes At the same time prepare for mashed garlic dip Here are three of the possible ways Mash the garlic in the mortar pestle if you have a set Smash the garlic on the cutting board then send it through the garlic masher Smash chop smash the garlic until mashed Mix the mashed garlic with soy sauce dark vinegar and sesame oil Don t forget to check on the leaves it is done when they are dark green and soft To serve dip the leaves into the mashed garlic

Picture: My foodie nature surfaced in an early age, as I was fascinated by the sweet nectar of the hoya.

ME I REMEMBER THEN EVERYONE WAS SAYING MINE WAS THE BEST IN THE FAMILY MOM YOURS IS NOT SPICY UNLIKE OURS ME THERE S NO SECRET THOUGH I JUST MASHED THE GARLIC REALLY FINE MOM BUT EVEN WHEN WE MASHED WELL OURS STILL TURNED OUT SPICIER MAYBE YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF MAGIC

AUNT WHETHER OR NOT YOU RE COMING BACK JUST RELAX OUT THERE DON T GET MISERABLY HOMESICK NOW THAT YOU CHOSE TO STUDY ABROAD IN THE U S YOU GOT TO ADJUST YOUR MOOD SUCH AS BY TALKING TO US A BIT MORE ME YEAH AUNT LEARN TO COOK MORE FOOD USE COOKING TO IMPROVE YOUR MOOD HAVE FUN WITH FOOD GRANDMA YOU GOT TO ENJOY YOUR LIFE IT S MOST IMPORTANT TO BE HAPPY NO

CELERY LEAF PANCAKE

GOSH, WHY WOULD A LITTLE GIRL LIKE THE FOOD FOR OUR OLD VILLAGE NANNIES? I was born and raised in Qingdao China a coastal city in the Shandong province and host of the Olympic sailing game Just as I would gambol in our sea filled with people as crowded as dumplings in the pot I would gambol in our unique twist of the Shandong cuisine to feature more seafood and a fame for beer

This cuisine owes much credit to Qingdao s geographic location and internationally oriented nature since ancient times In fact it is reasonable to say that Qingdao was born and raised to be open to the outside world

The Jiaozhou Bay the little gap south of Qingdao nestles not only rich fishery resources but also civilizations that could be traced around years back Its strategic location won itself several important ports with flourishing commerce as early as the Han Dynasty

Besides commercial development the city also attracted colonization by Germany and Japan since in a tug of war with Kuomintang until the s Among the legacy of German occupation are upgraded infrastructure European style architecture which you can see in pictures throughout the cookbook and the world renowned Tsingtao Beer The Japanese colonization and favorable national economic policies since the s made Qingdao a major city of industrial development and foreign trade Such continual exchange also means that however classic our food culture is it is by no means exclusive Specifically for me however much nostalgia any of our dishes raises me none of them define my diet closely

My family was originally from Laixi the rural skirt of Qingdao and my parents were the first generation to go to college and move into the city I grew up as a kid right when the western consumer culture was spreading and taking foot Every day I lived in the magical dream of flashy packaged junk foods in the well made advertisements Kinder bars McDonald s Orion pies Oreo cookies Sneakers domestic brands etc in fact I think they were much more delicious than the ones I see in stores in the U S now

In the heaven like supermarket I always asked my mom to buy them for me My mom was a bit torn but she always compromised a bit When she wouldn t I turned to my nai nai paternal grandma who lovingly stuffed me and my cousin with all the foods we dreamed of from Chinese style pastry Chinese western bakery to all kinds of snacks This had been the case throughout the first years of my time in Qingdao

The beef steak place where the author got a first taste of western fine dining

As a th grader I was taken by my mom to a beef steak place and got a first taste of western food where for the first time I had to hold a knife on one hand and a fork on the other in front of the novel courtesy of waiters That was when my diet began its international expansion Growing up in the same city for years I was nevertheless fascinated by the exotic

This picture is as clear as the author s childhood memory of supermarket grocery packaged foods

Unfortunately as a kid I was kept by my family to lots of home cooking Lots and lots of ordinary dishes rooted in my family s rural home As bland and unattractive as they were for me I have realized how these dishes accompanying the time we spent together as a family have been keeping me integral Actually not until I recreated the steamed sweet potato leaves with mashed garlic that lao lao and mom often made while stuck on the other side of the Pacific Not until then had I found the thing I could always retreat back to the boring part of my food heritage crossing the Pacific to wind up as the unimaginable rural folk magic that keeps my pride and wonder kindled

Now I remember what my weekend mornings used to look like No plan

for the day just presence for the moment When my parents could finally sleep in a bit still no later than am I would find this a sneaky time to exercise my adulthood and filial affection I would for example mix together a batter of celery leaf pancake one of the first dishes I learned to make as a kid from my mom Then I would watch my parents wake up to the brightening sun and fragrance from the kitchen Then arrived my mom s surprise northern Chinese style screaming Oh yo and the untender patting of my head Having starved the whole morning I finally waited until the moment we all gathered at the dining table Then I would devour most of the pancakes along with my parents well acted compliments of the pancakes that had lost their warmth and crispiness

RECIPE: CELERY LEAF PANCAKE It s so good. It s sooooooo good. With each bite comes the crispy touch, rich texture and heavenly fragrance enriched by browning, plus the pride of validating celery leaves. But even just smelling the warm fragrance seeping out of the kitchen, from the peanut oil (more extensively used back home) and the lightly charred, caramelized smell, was enough of a galore. I will feel like a criminal by not doing justice to this easy, catering and nutritious dish by including it. OK, I guess I should have just said it s my absolute comfort food.

If you feel nervous about the pungent bitter taste of celery leaves in your mind challenge yourself by trying it What s left in your mouth is really more richness flavor texture nutrition than bitterness Hands down you can make it whatever way you want it to be by switching around ingredients to your liking e g half of the flour for finely grated sweet potato other leaves for celery leaves

M Tha a af e I ed he ci f Qi gda Qi gda i ecial f i delici Majiag cele The lea e I a el c a h a a I lea ed ake he a cake f he The e e c ked a l i e a a I j like aki g g a ed a a cake a all ge i i h bei g a gh A f he i j l l adj i h e e ie ce h ch lea e a d fl Me Tha e i eci e igh M Yeah Chi e e f d i all like hi like e e f d e eciall Ge a he e e le a e a all ig e e igid Me H ha i e e i g M F i e ab e l a i a ki d f e l a i f he f d c l e Me S ha e like a ki d f i i M Ye a d hi i ha d ick ha e eall de a d i

Ingredients

Celery leaves Flour Eggs Salt Oil (Optional) Green onions/scallion

A handful Some As much as you want One or two Some As much as you want Some As much as you want

Steps Wash and chop up celery leaves finely so they mix well in the batter If you have green onions chop up the white and green white parts Beat the eggs and mix with chopped leaves and flour Add salt to your liking Coat the hot pan with oil on MEDIUM heat If you have green onions sautee for a few seconds Pour in and flatten the batter After a minute turn down the heat to MEDIUM LOW and cook and check until the bottom is golden brown Flip To make life easier use the spatula to cut the pancake into pieces then flip them individually Add some oil if the pan looks dry Cook until the other side is golden brown Serve

As a dedicated cook, I do taste the batter to make sure the salt is just the right amount, then spit it out. I'm a tasting advocate, but you please do you.

ME WHAT DO YOU THINK OF FOODS BECOMING INCREASINGLY DIVERSE AND FANCY MOM THAT S A GOOD THING FOR SURE BETTER FOR HEALTH THAT S GOOD ME BUT ALSO IT S A SHIFT AWAY FROM OUR TRADITIONAL HOMECOOKING MANY FOODS TODAY ARE LESS HEALTHY YOU THINK THAT S GOOD MOM THAT S OKAY NOT TO SAY YOU ARE LOOKING FOR COMFORT FROM HOME FOODS THAT S NOT SO NECESSARY THOUGH ME ANY VISION FOR OUR HOME FOODS MOM ANY VISION FOR OUR HOME FOODS ME OKAY TO HAVE NONE MOM YEAH NOTHING THIS IS HOW IT IS

ME I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS SMALL YOU BOUGHT SO MUCH YUMMY PACKAGED FOOD FOR ME WHY WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO THAT AUNT CUZ THE TIME IS DIFFERENT WE DIDN T HAVE THAT WHEN WE WERE SMALL NOW TIME IS PROGRESSING AND LIFE IS IMPROVING SO THERE ARE THESE FOODS IN THE SUPERMARKET NOW WE DIDN T HAVE THAT JUST CANDIES GRANDMA WE WOULDN T EVEN GET TO EAT THAT ME THAT S WHY YOU BOUGHT SO MUCH FOR ME AND PINGPING GRANDMA NOW WE ARE SCALING UP PRODUCTION AND MAKING MONEY ONLY THEN WE CAN BUY THEM FOR YOU AUNT AND THE BIG ENVIRONMENT IS BETTER LIKE BOATS GOING UP WITH THE LEVEL OF THE WATER NOW UNDER THE LEAD OF THE GOVERNMENT YOU GUYS ARE LIVING IN A BETTER TIME ME SO WE GOT TO EAT BETTER HUH GRANDMA THE TIME IS BETTER SO YOU EAT BETTER ME GOT TO GRAB THIS OPPORTUNITY NO AUNT YEAH GRAB THIS OPPORTUNITY AHAHA

Picture: Me with my cousin on a hill in Qingdao, both lovingly spoiled by grandma and aunt with good food, packaged or not.

RED COOKED FISH WITH CORN BREAD

WHAT THE HECK HAVE I BEEN EATING? Throughout my teenage years I stumbled a lot in my relationship to food In high school I was introduced to a popular fitness app called Keep which included workouts and articles talking about healthy food and lifestyles That was when I became conscious of my unhealthy lifestyles very well reflected in my body that was just not as good as those toned skinny bodies shown on social media posts What the heck have I been eating

All changed since then I started working out and restricting my diet Bye bye packaged foods and Chinese pastries Bye bye soy braised pork and sweet sour spare ribs Bye bye Chinese white bread Well not really every moment I saw

If you wonder what my diet looked likefor a while in high school

them I drooled every moment I was not seeing them I dreamed That was the same time where the food in my hometown began a new phase of modernization more delicate fancy stuff each with a tag of degree of healthiness I lived in a world with my stomach empty and my mind full of healthy many western and junk many Chinese foods toned shapes and well crafted meal plans I was withdrawn from social interactions that involved eating unhealthy food and wasting my time with the study exercise diet regime My family s cooking at least approving of my grit and desire for health revolved and shifted around me Now I can never imagine how my mom and dad sacrificed their freedom so much to accommodate my various demands like servants to the king I just remember them complimenting my grit for a healthy life to everyone

What didn t change was my love for red cooked fish

Growing up by the sea I was fattened up by all kinds of fresh seafood so fresh as to be most commonly served steamed or boiled and lightly seasoned Hongdao clams thrown straight into the wok and stir fried with chili peppers plump scallops and fat sea crabs steamed and dipped in dark vinegar small shrimps fresh and sweet boiled in salted and spiced water

dining table she would keep picking flesh from the plate into my bowl and say If you eat fish you ll be smarter My other family members repeated the same action again and again Eat more your body needs to grow What a blessing

B .

Yet my soul most belonged to the savor and satisfying meatiness of red cooked fish in a reduced sauce enriched by soy sauce sugar vinegar Shaoxing cooking wine and three sisters of scallions ginger and garlic Bearing the wishes of abundance year to year nián nián you yú yú being the pronunciation of both surplus and fish in Chinese it is served mostly in festive occasions Its rockstar status in special gatherings must have added a layer of attraction

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2020,

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My mom cooked it really well and on the

My family did not use to cook it that much because fish was not durable and quite delicate to manage But upon seeing my rare receptivity they started cooking it more too As weird as my own social life and my family dynamics had become everything worked really just fine when we gathered around the table to eat this dish and spend that homely time together

As late as a winter day this year I was wolfing the red roasted fish with Chinese bread dipped in the sauce for lunch while my dad proudly boasted to my mom who cooked it how fast I was learning to drive under his guidance honestly I was more interested in finding excuses to spend time with dad than learning driving techniques Then we were comfortably sprawled across the room fat bellies facing upward taking a food coma into a nap

I was back home in the chilly early 2020, well-fed by good food my parents - mom in this picture - cooked and giving myself a little break from cooking in college.

RECIPE: RED-COOKED FISH WITH CORN BREAD The fish is glazed by a bright red-brown sauce, sure to capture your eyes. Tender, savory flesh and rich, fragrant sauce paired well with sweet, nutty bread. 100% a sensory galore, plus communal gathering, sharing chattering and laughing - always a dreamy moment for me as a kid. Even if you feel nervous about the pungent, bitter taste of celery leaves in your mind, you will end up thanking yourself for trying it. What s left in your mouth is really more richness - flavor, texture, nutrition - than bitterness. Hands down, you can make it whatever way you want it to be by switching around ingredients to your liking (e.g. half of the flour for finely grated sweet potato; other leaves for celery leaves).

Whenever I recall my conversation with nai nai and aunt on their diets I see rows and rows of corn fading in my thin childhood memory in the countryside

Nǎi nai S ee po a oes dried s ee po a oes corn bread no a lo of Chinese hi e bread beca se e ere poor and here asn a lo of hea

Nǎi nai Then as science progressed slo l he ield increased and li ing condi ions impro ed e go o ea big fl ff Chinese hi e bread e er da A n Hehehe Nǎi nai Corn bread no is j s a snack more hi e flo r less coarse grains

A n And e go o ea more and more chicken d ck fish mea bread e j s ake a fe bi es af er he main dishes Nǎi nai No e e go a be er life A n No gonna fall shor of pro ein

he are e en s aple As for he

Nowadays I barely find its presence in cookbooks maybe because it is too provincial But relevant recipes and cooking videos abound online rather promoting it as an exemplary of an increasingly popular health trend called coarse grains cooked fine This arises with the increased awareness in China about the health benefits of whole grain carbs and efforts to make them more digestible and gut friendly without losing these benefits such as through grinding The wisdoms of old time corn bread are taken and added to by soybean flour soften the texture and boost a sweet fragrance

Despite this trend and despite that corn bread passed my healthy diet test I am giving corn bread recognition in this book simply because I have always loved it in and of itself I feel it is part of my identity and that of my family even a little more when accompanying some fish And I feel the pride for it whenever I take a bite on one from the batch of corn breads my nai nai made Here I have the honor of retrieving and presenting a corn bread recipe of hers along with my mom s red cooked fish Again all fermented through learning experience and experimentation

If you have freshly caught figh hooray To make the most out of the freshness omit the frying step and add it to the wok after the sauce and water Or try steaming with soy sauce cooking wine and some ginger and spring onions scallion

For Fish Ingredients Any whole fish, cleaned and cut into chunks if too large Green Onion/Scallion Garlic Ginger Soy Sauce Water Salt Sugar

Oil Shaoxing cooking wine or liquor, for balancing out the fishy smell (Optional) Dark Soy Sauce, for coloring (Optional) Oyster Sauce, for thickening and premium savour (Optional) Starch, for thickening

Steps Heat wok over MEDIUM heat then pour in plenty of oil for frying If too little oil the fish skin might stick on the pan and turn into a mess But you can pour out excessive oil if you want Fry fish on both sides until golden brown but no need to fully cook Set aside Good idea to slice ginger and garlic and cut scallions into thumb like pieces at the same time Reserving a bit of hot oil in the wok saute ginger garlic and scallions for about seconds until fragrant Add in as much sugar as you want I suggest at least a few generous pinches teaspoon to enhance the savour and balance out saltiness Stir until caramelized turning into a bright dark red paste Add fish soy sauce dark soy sauce if you want and water until just covering the fish Bring to a boil then lower heat to a bare simmer Slow cook for at least minutes preferably hour to let the flavor soak in Turn the heat back to HIGH to reduce and thicken the sauce to your liking A final good chance to adjust seasoning

The flavor should be slightly less strong than how we want it to end up since the liquid will be greatly reduced If it is too strong replace some of the it with water or prepare to eat it with something

At this point I usually taste the liquid and check for a few things The flavor is light but still right in terms of the balance between saltiness and sweetness for example

For Corn Bread Ingredients Cornmeal Soybean flour Baking soda WARM water for the dough Water for steaming

handful handful pinch

Steps Pour together cornmeal soybean flour and baking soda into a heat safe bowl Make sure the water is warm i e boil it to better soak up the mixture Add warm water to the mix bit by bit while diligently stirring until the dough is soft and fluffy so will be the corn bread Divide the dough into smaller pieces and shape the pieces into two pointed columns Then flatten them with your palms At the same time add oil to coat the pan and heat on LOW Place the pieces of dough on the pan Turn the heat to HIGH frying the doughs sticking the bread in Chinese until the bottoms are golden brown Using your judgement add water to the pan until covering half the height of the doughs Cover and bring to a boil then lower the heat to MEDIUM not LOW or the dough won t rise nicely Simmer for minutes checking back every minutes and adding more water as needed Let all water turn to gas You will hear rattling sounds in the pot Turn off the heat and cover for minutes Serve with the savory juicy fish with rich foods or by itself

HOW WERE YOU DEALING WITH MY PRETTY INSANE DIETARY DEMANDS FOR FITNESS BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL?

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MOM Ala a ea Y e e al le e e ie ce i ih elli g ela i el e i a hi g

ME Y

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deal i h i Y ead a ad l a f elf Y Ac all ded a d ld

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MOM Hee hee hee See ed ca i a f f ee N ed ca i i f f ee e e ie ce i f f ee ffe i g i f f ee i e he g add e hi g N

WHAT ROLE DO YOU THINK FOOD HAS BEEN PLAYING IN OUR FAMILY? DAD I iei a Vi i i g g ea a edia f e cha gi g feeli g al a like a e c i g ea I f d ih e bee A f fa il e ge he ii eed I ba ed he child e efe e ce

a d aa dg a Whe he i al a a f ll f h ee i Chi a fa ilie

d ai g i g he a e able f delici e ab aki g die a e l

MOM I hi k f d i a b d i fa il F e a le h gh f d e ge ge he a d e gage i h c i ee Tha ha a d a N e f h ee ejec i e l cal ecial ie a ic la l di like a hi g e ce i h cila B ee a e ea i g i O fa il i all f ec f d a d ii ai g diffe e lace ha i e ee

GRANDMA ha dad ch be ME H GRANDMA

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AUNT Ea i g ell ake f lk ha A d i g hi i ga he i g e e eek e cha ge feeli g a d ea eg df d GRANDMA We g a e c l fa il f d b i g ha a ha e g d I j i ge he eff a d i d g lace

ea e N d I hi k i e

TOMATO EDAMAME TOFU STIR FRY

Harvesting tomatoes at the Gill Tract Community Farm.

CAN I NO LONGER COOK FROM MY OWN FOOD CULTURE JUST BECAUSE SOME INGREDIENTS ARE MISSING? While shopping at the farmer s market a Chinese food loving friend lamented to me Ah it s just so hard to get all the ingredients and seasonings for cooking Chinese food while trying to eat local at the same time

I was quiet Images of yams Szechuan peppercorns and glutinous corn passed by my mind in a warm fragrant breeze without leaving a mark because it would be too painful to recall what had been feeding me growing up without much presence here in the common markets But I did not want to discourage him Can I no longer cook from my food culture just because some ingredients are missing Come on

I said to him It s not just about getting the ingredients right it s about getting the spirits Like what we tend to use how we tend to cook season and eat it with what we have For example when you see a bunch of sweet potatoes or celery with leaves will you throw the leaves away Will you make them into something Steamed Pancakes And when you see fish will you throw them into the oven Or will you braise them in a rich sauce What kind of mouthfeel comes to mine fatty light savory sweet juicy warm or cold Is the food shared when where and with whom

My friend well studied and always eloquently talkative and argumentative was lost in thought Then he said You are so right

Actually even my dumb self did not realize the value of my words at the time But a couple days later I was turning the fridge inside out for some cooking ideas Trader Joe s frozen shelled edamames Not the boiled and seasoned edamames in shells I used to have as a savory appetizer back home but still no stranger Tomatoes picked at the community farm I volunteer in One week old mushrooms from the farmer s market almost dried out in the paper bag Tofu an explosion of tofu a legacy of my half successful attempt to go vegan fittingly in such a progressive state as California At a first glance they looked like individual pieces from four different jigsaw puzzles

Just that very moment something clicked in my mind I could see myself simply throwing them together as a stir fry I could find enrichment in the

absence of meat common in stir frys chopped or ground from mushrooms tofu soy sauce and Sriracha sauce not Chinese but the spicy sweet flavor profile has become popular in China with savory foods I could picture not the exact amount or proportions of ingredients and sauces but the freedom of eyeballing tasting and adjusting I could even feel the tangy savory taste with some brightening by the classic Chinese home cooking aromatics garlic spring onions and ginger I could already imagine myself sighing in relief at such straightforwardness I could make so much a big warm wokful with the same bold style from back home that my roommates and friends would appreciate some extra

The jigsaw puzzle is coming together into one That s the spirit

RECIPE: TOMATO EDAMAME TOFU STIR-FRY After wowing at the easiness of throwing everything together in a pot and having the chance to taste and adjust seasonings at any point, the taste feels like a miracle - warm, rich, tangy and nutty with mouth-filling textures. The adding up of bean products - tofu, edamame, soy sauce - multiplies the savour. A stranger in a vast array of classic Chinese dishes, this dish nevertheless tastes like a relative. Even its rugged appearance fits our Shandong food culture of favoring practicality over aesthetic appeals.

While ground or chopped meat is typically featured in stir frys firm tofu actually fits perfectly into this imagination In a good marriage to other veggies with its rough yet soft texture and fresh nutty flavor it arouses senses of cultural pride and comfort in me After all tofu bean curd was first invented in China solidified from soymilk with heat and coagulants I grew up enjoying firmer rougher tofu or northern tofu often fried and or braised It is coagulated with brine part of the salt production with a long history in northern China especially Shandong In contrast soft tofu or southern tofu coagulated with gypsum is more common in southern China best for soups and cold dishes

Actively looking to reduce meat consumption for resource conservation and health benefits I find much more belonging in the natural condensed richness of firm tofu among the myriads of vegan meats Maybe because it has been feeding me growing up Maybe because while other vegan meats are named as meats impossible burgers vegan sausages or nuggets tofu proudly assumes the one and only name tofu standing tall on a rich authentic deposit of traditional wisdom

Ingredients Tomatoes Mushrooms of any kind Edamame, shelled (I used Trader Joe s blanched and frozen) Aromatics (garlic, ginger, scallion - whatever you have is fine)

Firm tofu/tofu crumble Sriracha Soy sauce Salt Oil

Steps In preparation for ingredients chop up tomatoes mushrooms and aromatics Make sure tofu is crumbled fun to do with hands Heat the wok pan over MEDIUM HIGH on a scale Heat a bit of oil throw in the crumbled tofu and fry out excessive water but not to the extent of browning Add soy sauce and Sriracha tasting and adjusting to your liking Set aside Add oil again or not based on your preference Saute mushrooms and chopped aromatics in your preferred order Add chopped tomatoes and turn the heat to HIGH Keep sauteing until tomatoes begin to soften then mix in the edamames Add water to the pot just enough so that the tomatoes can further soften cook and be reduced into a sauce like consistency in several minutes Add back crumbled and seasoned tofu Stir fry to mix the ingredients and flavors thoroughly knowing it is never too late to taste and adjust Serve I love it the most on its own but it is also very good with rice

ME WHAT DOES FOOD CULTURE MEAN TO YOU DAD TO START WITH I M NOT EVEN CLOSE TO A FOODIE LIKE YOU ARE ACTUALLY I DON T REALLY CARE I THINK LIKE YOUR GRANDMA WHAT WE WANNA EAT SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT WHAT OUR BODY NEEDS JUST EAT WHATEVER WE WANT AND WHEN I GET TO A NEW PLACE I LL TRY TO EAT LOCAL FOR EXAMPLE I LL HAVE LOCAL BEER INSTEAD OF OUR TSINGTAO BEER IT S LIKE SEEKING NOVELTY AS FOR FOOD ITSELF IT S VARIED AND I DON T HAVE PARTICULAR LIKES OR DISLIKES JUST FILLING UP MY BELLY AND THAT S IT OF COURSE IT S GOOD TO TRY DIFFERENT FOOD CULTURES THOUGH ME WHY DAD THAT S JUST THE NATURE OF FOOD

ME IF YOU HAVE ONLY THREE WORDS TO CHARACTERISE YOUR FOOD CULTURE WHAT WOULD THEY BE DAD FIRST LIVELY WE LOVE GATHERING SECOND WE CARE ABOUT FLAVOR THAT S WHY WE USE ALL SORTS OF SEASONING AND SPICES SPECIFICALLY THE SAVORY AND RICH ONES THIRD OUR COOKING IS QUALITATIVE WE ARE NOT OBSESSED WITH MEASURING OR NUMBERS

ME WHAT FOOD CULTURE DO YOU THINK YOU REPRESENT MOM MINE IS QUITE BROAD I LIKE ALL SORTS OF THINGS QINGDAO THE JIANGZHE REGION GUANGDONG YUNNAN ESPECIALLY FUNGI ME WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOOD FOOD MOM FIRST IT HAS TO BE NUTRITIOUS ECO FRIENDLY AND POLLUTION FREE THEN IT SUITS YOUR TASTE FOR EXAMPLE IN YOUR GRANDMA S THE FOOD TENDS TO BE HIGH IN FAT AND SALT BUT YOUR DAD AND I PREFER LESS SALTY

Picture: Family celebration of my grandma's birthday, with the folk art on Chinese white bread shining on the table. The man with a camera was my uncle in my last meeting with him outside of the hospital. He passed away the same year (2016) from stomach cancer. I hope he had taken enough pictures of the family love.

Picture: Me riding a bike in north Berkeley. (Photographed by Amy Li)

I M COMING HOME A Reflection

As the oven-like weather that extended through October finally fell to a fall, the chill air, cloudy blue sky, and European urban-style architecture suddenly felt like it has been back home.

Just a few days ago, I was in an agroecology class where UC Berkeley Professor Elizabeth Hoover, a scholar on Native American food systems and food sovereignty, raised the topic of culturally relevant food. I asked: Could you elaborate on your understanding of culturally relevant food, in relation to both our own cultures and those of others? I m worried that in the end people care more about buying, buying the specific ingredients and promoting consumerism. Well, you see kale and quinoa being marketed as superfoods today - they are separated from their cultural backgrounds and promoted as consumer goods. I nodded. These foods have also been aggressively marketed in China amidst the rising fitness trend. THERE was where I thought I belonged, blind of my breach from an intuitive, peaceful, and respectful relationship with food. What a shame. But I m not saying we should reject kale and quinoa. I love kale - I eat it almost every day because it is good for my body.

It s more about cultivating our relationships with the food, by engaging with the cultural context and stories around it and making sure it nourishes both our bodies and our spirits. That s what I mean by culturally relevant food.

Reading this book throughout some of you might have had some burning questions in mind

What is your food culture, exactly? What is the spirit in your cultural foods that you were talking about?

It has been a long spiraling journey of identity struggles I have battled through brambles of tension health delicacy culture justice family memory changes in trying to define the right food culture for this cookbook and for my life But at the end of the day be honest I still haven t found a definitive answer

The brambles have been very thorny.

As a kid I nestled my curiosity and fascination on aggressively advertised packaged foods They turned out to be all at once a popularly perceived mark of better lives a token of familial love a product and driver of the rampant global corporate power a mask on the wisdoms of traditional foodways and a seismic zone in my relationships with food

What I meant, specifically: My family s meager past made them grateful for China s burgeoning material wealth that my generation was born to Seeing junk foods as a

manifestation of improving quality of life they bought them for me with the loving wish that I be well fed and happy (I did not know that until interviewing my family as part of the cookbook.)

Back then none of us knew or cared about how these foods became popular in China through international trade under the clutch of growing global corporations While farmers got displaced from livelihoods specialized workers faced inhuman treatment and cultures died across the world I was well fed and happy Sinking into the couch with childrens books munching

The best apples I have had came from the backyard of my coop, where I currently live.

My childish wonder with material satisfaction was so great that my family s culinary traditions now a major source of health grounding and pride for me paled in comparison with it

When I became obsessed with fitness and healthy diets in high school I shamefully pushed away packaged foods and my wonder with them which turned into seismic waves of craving waiting to erupt into binges

Guilty about my past pursuits for mere satisfaction I have devoted much of my college journey to finding the correct diet And in practice to reflecting shaming pushing away and getting lost

How could I have been so greedy for packaged foods while ignoring their environmental and social problems? How could I have accepted some of my cultural foods while being careless about their calories and nutrition?

How could I have appreciated so little about the wisdoms of my own food culture in pursuing other cultural cuisines?

How could I not have seriously explored my family history and stories? How could I have been stuck in nostalgia for the old stuff instead of adapting forward?

How could I have been minding my own food culture so much recently rather than acknowledging my "How could I have multicultural been this way, not interests growing the way I should?" up? I had been constantly asking either or questions like these searching for answers that turned out to be at odds with each other trying to overthrow my previous way of eating and being and finding myself in a never ending spiral

I have lived to testify, though, that there are many good answers, except the right answer. One part of the story is that we are encouraged to connect with our own upbringing families and food cultures and tap into the treasure of traditional wisdom Learn openly and humbly in intercultural exchanges Care about and positively intervene in the environmental and social issues around food which are very often cultural as basic livelihoods and cultural life are heavily tied to the environment Incorporate food as part of a healthful life physical mental emotional spiritual

All of these I have tried hard. For example I am including authentic recipes in this cookbook honoring my food culture family and stories While even a cuisine as regional as mine encompasses way beyond the scope of this book I am incorporating only recipes whose ingredients are relatively attainable even outside of Asia with higher potential for sustainability and health That is lots of common vegetables and other regular grocery goods appearing from farmer s markets to community farms to pantries cooked with low to moderate amounts of oil sugar and salt At the same time I am very open to talking about and even experiencing the food cultures of my roommates and friends The cooking eating and cultural exchange are so pleasurable for me that they have become my wellness routines Flowers harvested at the Gill Tract Community Farm for a sunrise ceremony, with prayers and thanks to the Lisjan Ohlone land.

Making these efforts, however, often means I am pushed outside of my comfort zone and shocked or upset by new revelations. Starting unprecedented conversations with my family about our history reuniting with foods and experiences from memory that I have lost touch with learning about the health implications of my diet and then about my unhealthy efforts to control it finding out my sources of comfort to be sources of pain in alternative contexts realizing chances to learn and connect that I have missed It has been a lot even just with writing this cookbook I was crying half the time of writing this cultural cookbook

Therefore, another part of the story is that I have failed hard which I define as not falling into the perfect place because I could not reconcile my efforts with the difficult feelings raised around my cultural identity. I remember painfully giving up home favorite meat dishes to go vegan and being mocked by my friends as so vegan when I was drooling in front of Chinese style red cooked chicken wings I remember leaving my own boring food culture behind in learning to cook different cultural foods with organic seasonal vegetables in the community farm I remember withdrawing myself from the community farm for a while because it had almost nothing in season that my own food culture shared

"Those Americans cook beans and kale so much. Isn't that cool? Isn't it a cool low-calorie and high-nutrition dish? And look at those organic beans and eggs, and kale I handpicked straight from the farm. What a pity China doesn't have it!" "Uhhhhh. What a tasteless mess. I don't know what I'm doing! I'm such a failure."

But as I dived deeper to explore my culture my own stories and those of my family I learned to trust the process and worry less about outcomes I would not say I was failing in cultural relevance when I invented the tomato edamame tofu an easy nutritious dish by honoring the spirits of goodness and flexibility in my food culture

Nor when I chose to incorporate vegetable heavy dishes while my regional cuisine having been carb heavy piled the dining table with meat

Nor when I showed respect when my family celebrated a better life which has given rise to foods increasingly

detached from even displacing certain cultural contexts yet has its own historical and cultural contexts

Nor when I humbly stepped back and listened to stories of other people s food cultures winning their curiosity and respect for mine over time

Regardless of the correctness of my practices I was not failing my intentions to enrich my relationships with food and my understanding of its different meanings in different contexts

So I am free, without having to break through the tensions within my food culture and my identities.

What matters is to acknowledge that by consuming food, we consume cultures and meanings more complex than labels and categories; and to embrace the different pieces of our food cultures and ourselves with curiosity and care, including the discomfort and confusion aroused. Professor Hoover was spot on: being culturally relevant - or being a culturally sensitive eater as I understand it - is less about specific diets than about building relationships.

To which I am coming back.

Dad

Uncle dad s older brother

Aunt dad s sister in law

Mom Aunt dad s sister

Uncle aunt s husband

Younger

Me cousin

nai nai grandma dad s mom

yĂŠ ye grandpa dad s dad

It was shocking how much I discovered about my family more specifically my parents grandma and aunt that shaped my own upbringing and relationships with food

What was even more shocking though what I expected to be looking back conversations ended up turning me forward as a less prescriptive more mindful eater

F LL I E A

IE C I

Here, I will not introduce the people I interviewed. Let them speak for themselves - the most elegant way.

Dad Tell me about what you ate growing up and how it has been changing. As far as I can remember was mid-late-70s. The conditions of living were quite meager, but what we ate was pretty much fresh - vegetables grown ourselves. Not much meat because it was expensive and we wouldn’t want to spend money. Grown yourselves? By whom? By grandpa and grandma of course, with the help from us kids sometimes. That was in the little plot in our backyard.Then in the 80s, the living conditions slowly got better and better and there was more meat. We ate in the dining halls starting in senior high school. The food was terrible because it was poorly seasoned boiled napa cabbage, boiled radish, etc. The staples were not all white flour but had some cornmeal - the coarse grains that nobody liked because we got sick of eating too much of it growing up. Then in college it was like going from the north to the south. The vegetables were okay to get used to, but not the transition from bread to rice - my stomach was really hurt. It was then that my stomach began to have problems, plus in the South the rice at schools were poor quality - pretty hard.

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What about bread? Very, very little. Even the small Chinese bread we got for breakfast was sweet, not quite our northern style. That sounds rough. I’m not used to eating rice either.Well, the food in the South was mostly light and sweet, actually pretty delicious when you get used to it. Wanna know the good food I had in the South through college? Yeah! West Lake fish in vinegar gravy. (Yum!) Beggar’s chicken. Dongpo pork belly! Fresh braised bamboo shoots, marinaded brine river snail… And the pricier ones in the dining hall - pork chops, baby ribs, large pork chunks - they were all good! These were the most impressive ones. Oh and braised pork with pickled mustards… Aw stop it!

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Then after graduating I lived in Qingdao, you surely know what the food is like… Tell me more! I got a job and began making money, the salary was quite good so the food was richer in variety. But actually it wasn’t that rich in flavor compared to the vegetables we grew and the pork we raised… The food is not as good now because of industrialization. Oh, when you used to grow your own food, did you use a lot of pesticides and fertilizers? Very little. Ah… I missed all of these. You weren’t even born! Alright… so looking back, what does “food culture” mean to you? To start with, I’m not even close to a foodie like you are. Actually I don’t really care. I think, like your grandma, what we wanna eat says something about what our body needs. Just eat whatever we want. And when I get to a new place, I’ll try to eat local - for example, I’ll have local beer instead of our Tsingtao Beer. It’s like seeking novelty. As for food itself, it’s varied and I don’t have particular likes or dislikes. Just filling up my belly and that’s it. Of course it’s good to try different food cultures though. Why? That’s just the nature of food. I mean the term “food culture?” Oh, that’s a quite big word. I guess it’s not just about what we eat, it’s also further up in the realms of culture, history, ethnicity, etc. OK cool. What food culture do you think you represent? Hmm… Kind of “buddha-like” (a popular word in modern Chinese society that means letting go and being at peace with whatever comes up) haha? I’ll just eat whatever comes into my mouth. But now I’m a little more mindful - trying to eat what’s good for the body. Overall, I would say my food culture is “universal love.” Not really including Mexican food though - I’m not so used to it. Nor Yunnan cuisine, that’s quite different from the North and I don’t feel so good about it. Also a big part is table manners. We don’t divide food into individual plates. And when we drink, it’s most often accompanied by food, not like people in the US partying and drinking only alcohol. If you have only three words to characterise your food culture, what would they be? First, ”lively.” We love gathering. Second, we care about flavor. That’s why we use all sorts of seasoning and spices, specifically the savory and rich ones. Third, our cooking is qualitative. We are not obsessed with measuring or numbers. What has your relationship with food been? My second parents? Haha! I’m gonna die from starvation if I don’t eat it. So we are in a harmonic relationship - it won’t bark with my bites.

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Okay, that’s so funny. Now considering a bit of how I ate back home… How were you dealing with my pretty insane dietary demands for fitness back in high school? Uh, what can I do? Feeling sorry for you but never winning the argument. I could just let you do what you wanted. I was pretty much in opposition but I could barely persuade you however hard I tried. You were like eating only low-calorie food most of the time and then having big cheating meals on weekends. But it was just for a while and other times your diet was pretty normal, because mom was pretty conscious about buying organic food and cooking more vegetables with low fat and salt, so overall it was pretty healthy. You have been eating sugary bread for breakfast! But I didn’t get fat. Anyway, what role do you think food has been playing in our family, however you define it? It’s… quite important. Visiting grandpa and grandma is “going to eat” - a media for exchanging feelings. When they miss us they are always like “are you coming to eat?” It’s always a full table of delicious food with some beer. As for our family of three, it’s more about making sure you get the nutritious you need. In China families’ diets are mostly based on the children’s preferences. How do you feel, then, when I’m abroad and getting deeper and better at cooking? That’s a life skill at least, something you are interested in and enjoy. I’m pretty happy about it. So many Chinese kids only know how to study but not how to do chores, but you learn more life skills going abroad. How do you feel seeing me getting less restrictive in eating? The Western people don’t care that much about body shape, as long as you are healthy. Back here lots of girls want to lose weight and even go dieting; that’s not so good for your body. Why do you think this way? Uh… because I’m a relatively normal person? Okay, if that’s what you think. Last one - how would you like to see our food culture manifest in today’s mingling of cultures and cuisines and shifts away from tradition? I’m very open to it and I would look forward. If we try to return to the old times, it’s gonna come with high costs. It all depends on costs. If we try to make food ecological and healthy, that’s good! But if we require pure natural, pollution-free, that would largely lower production and come with a set of environmental costs. Like your lao lao, she grew soybeans with no pesticides, and 80% of the harvest ended up with too many bugs to be edible. Is that sustainable? Sustainability isn’t equal to “pure natural.” It follows our old Chinese principle - the “Golden Mean” - ensuring survival while minimizing environmental costs. Let’s say Yuan Longping who bred rice crops that could grow in salt marshes and sea water with high productivity. That saved lots of people from starvation, including those in Africa.

But have you heard about “agroecology”? Research has shown that growing food ecologically has the potential to feed the world too. I’m not so optimistic about that. It might solve some local problems, but overall the world goes in an environmentally-destructive way.

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"Isn't this just a conversation? Doesn't feel like an interview." -- Mom

Mom What did you grow up eating? Hmm… when we were small, the living conditions were quite sketchy. Mostly ordinary vegetables we grew them so they were quite “eco.” Not much meat, because it would take over a year to raise a pig. Families that were not lazy would do it. At that time, the meat was more flavorful and the vegetables were quite “eco.” We didn’t get to have much oil or Chinese white bread - we mostly had corn bread and sweet potatoes. How did you grow them? We pooled it all together. Some people took the shifts but didn’t put into work, so the yield was not so high. We got rations of grains - not much wheat,

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more corn.Then it was in 1978 and farming became household contracting. Basically we got to decide what we grew. The yield went up and the conditions of living got better, so we ate mostly Chinese white bread. The varieties of vegetables, fruits and meat went up. In the 70s and 80s, there were less fertilizers and pesticides, we mostly used manures. That was pig poop piled up and fermented, transported to the field by tractors and spread out in rotary tillage. It was quite eco but low-yielding. Then when families began raising fewer chicken and pigs, we got less manures and more industrial fertilizers and pesticides, as the climate was getting worse and more pests came about. The quality of the food dropped. Why lower quality with less manure? Uh, some folks in China do realize that synthetic fertilizers lower the taste and begin to slowly use more farmyard manure. As for the specific reason I’m not sure either - maybe manure has more nutrients? Maybe it makes the soil better. Oh yes! Synthetic fertilizers make the soil compacted. So here in the Americas I learned about something like “agroecology.” For example, growing the “three sisters” together - corn, beans, and squash. Anything like that back home? We do grow corn and soybeans together - soybeans in between two rows of corn. In Shandong we grow a lot of wheat, corn, peanuts and sweet potatoes - but that’s not so relevant. Let’s see… in the old times we didn’t have stoves, so we would use wheat straw and corn cobs for fuel. Now we got machines to break down the corn cobs, which we till into the soil as fertilizer.

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Cool! What would you say about your diet now? Now it’s across all seasons and sorts of places. That makes sense. So what would the term “food culture” mean to you? My understanding is quite different from your grandma’s. For me it has to do with an attitude towards life. For example, sharing your favorite foods with your favorite people, and enjoying them in beautiful places. That’s why I would take you to traveling on holidays - so you could experience the different food cultures. The snacks, the culture… like those in Yunnan versus Guizhou. It’s quite a life experience and attitude; you got a lot of feelings and revelations out of it. Aww yeah that’s true. What “food culture” do you think you represent, then? Mine is quite broad, I like all sorts of things - Qingdao, the Jiangzhe region, Guangdong, Yunnan - especially fungi. If you have only three words to characterize your food culture, what would they be? I love varieties, lots of different things, and I prefer the eco-friendly, pollution-free ones. What do you think is “good food”? First it got to be nutritious. Eco-friendly and pollution-free. Then it suits your taste. For example, in your grandma’s the food tends to be high in fat and salt, but your dad and I prefer less salty. What’s your cooking philosophy? I hope to bring feelings of joy and warmth to the everyday meals for my family. Aww! Yeah, I remember telling my friends that there’s nothing fancy about my family’s cooking - but it’s seasoned well with love. Uh, that’s a little cheesy. Haha! But now I’m mostly at work and it’s usually your dad cooking dinner. What has been your relationship with food growing up until now? For me, it’s not like if it’s high calories, I wouldn’t eat it. I would try a bit of everything and I have the option to eat less in the next meal. Because in every place the food is locally unique - the food in the Northeast is saltier, but would you not eat it? Not every day, of course. And let’s say Chengdu. The food is spicy and you can’t eat too much. But we can eat some local specialties today and something non-spicy the next day. So basically, we adapt to food and food adapts to us. That’s also why when I go traveling, I wouldn’t say no to local foods but would taste a bit of everything. What role do you think food plays in our family? I think, food is a bond in our family. For example, through food we get together and engage with common interests. That’s happy and warm. None of us three reject unique local specialties or particularly dislike anything - except you with cilantro. But see now you are eating it! Our family is all for eco foods and nutrition, not saying no to different places - that’s quite sweet. As for the extended family, we all have similar diets, including your Hanlin bro, even after he started working we still eat together a lot and get closer. Every time we’ll talk about you.

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How? Like, what a pity Yuhan doesn’t get to eat such good stuff. Yeah, what a pity. But see how you’re adapting to the local. What about seasoning through? It does differ from places to places; for example, numbing and spicy in Sichuan. But now in this globalized world we can get anything. Honestly I’m quite jealous of you, getting exposed to many different cultures. You have more opportunities than we do and you know how to cook a variety of foods. You got to appreciate this kind of opportunities you don’t get as many of them when you go back to China. Yeah… Let’s zoom in to some specific foods. Tell me about the sweet potato leaves, celery leaf pancakes, and red-cooked fish. How did you learn to make them? For sweet potato leaves, we used to grow lots of sweet potatoes, and we would go to the field and pick some leaves and eat them steamed. That was a nice adjustment to life at the time - the corn bread was a bit too much. When are these leaves available? Only around August and September. Ah, that’s a short time period. Yeah… it’s just a very, very ordinary dish. Veggies and carbs altogether. For the mashed garlic, I’ve been eating it since I was small. I was watching your lao lao make it and just learned it without teaching. Wow really? Didn’t you learn how to make it by watching me? That’s true… I remember then everyone was saying mine was the best in the family. Yours is not spicy, unlike ours. There’s no secret though - I just mashed the garlic really fine. But even when we mashed well ours still turned out spicier. Maybe you have some sort of magic. OK… maybe. What about celery leaf pancakes? That was after I moved to the city of Qingdao. Qingdao is special for its delicious Majiagou celery. The leaves I was reluctant to throw away, so I learned to make the pancakes from others. They were cooked a lot in restaurants. It’s just like making grated potato pancakes - you naturally get it without being taught. As for the proportions, you just slowly adjust with experience how much leaves and flour. That’s “some” in our recipes, right? Yeah, Chinese food is all like this, unlike western food, especially Germany - where people are naturally rigorous… even rigid. Hmm that’s interesting. For us it’s more about exploration - a kind of exploration of the food culture. So that’s more like a kind of spirit? Yes, and this is hard to pick up, you have to really understand it.

What about the red-cooked fish? That I learned from your grandpa. He used to be one of the very best in the village at cooking fish. We lived by the Chanzhi reservoir, so we got to eat a lot of fish. (I sighed and closed my eyes. My grandpa died of a car accident when I was 8. My only working memory has been no more than a photograph and, when I was sick, how he lovingly held my hand to feel the blood vessel on the back of it.)

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Where did the fish come from? Small fries were threw in the lake, those who were able went catch the fish. In the summer your grandpa used to - he was quite good at diving in! And this I learned through watching too. How come? We had three children in the family, and the adults couldn’t take care of us that much, so we just watched and learned ourselves. You gave me too much credit for sure. Moving on - why were you exposing me to so many different food cultures? Actually it’s not just about food culture. I wanted you to experience a variety of cultures, including the food cultures. Makes sense? Why? Well… now we can afford to let you visit places around that world. That would open your eyes and lay a nice foundation for you working in the future… because different places have different vibes. Interacting with people. We didn’t use to have the luxury. That’s right - now interacting with the southerners (southern Chinese) isn’t that awkward for me anymore. Not just the southern Chinese - Vietnamese, Japanese. See the tension between the Chinese and Japanese. Back in China there is still some hate towards the Japanese (because of Japan’s aggression of China in the last century). But in Berkeley, you would treat the Japanese just like anyone else. Quite fairly, without thinking of tags on them. That’s how it works. Right. And when you go to work and interact with different people, you might put into practice the experiences you have tallied and lessons you have learned. Let me give you an example. Tonight you are homesick and crying like “wuwuwu,” but now that we have talked, and as you talk with your friends and professors, maybe you find yourself not that homesick anymore. And when you start working, you might still be homesick, especially when things are not going smoothly and you are alone and away from family. You might recall a while ago in Berkeley, you were venting your homesickness to your dad and mom. Tonight you are feeling “it’s so rough, so rough,” but later you realize that things at Berkeley are not that big of a deal, no? It’s actually even worth relishing.

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Hmm. When I was back home, didn’t you introduce me to cuisines around the world? What were you thinking at that time? Then it was nothing big. As long as you liked it. But what we experience about a food culture is limited when confined to the restaurants. It is limited indeed, but at least you get to experience different styles of diets. True, true. Well, when I was in high school you might remember me dieting. How were you dealing with it? Alas, no way to deal with it. You wouldn’t listen to reason. Anyway you were already an adult, so we would just let you experience it for yourself. You’ve learned the lessons without us telling you, no? Actually, your dad and I are relatively open-minded and wouldn’t force you or anything. You would listen to reason, no? Hee hee hee. See, our education wasn't for free. No education is for free, no experience is for free, no suffering is for free. (In other words, they got to add something to us.) No? Then now, you see me get deeper into cooking, especially relearning to cook foods from home recently. What do you think of this?I don’t care if you cook home foods, or Vietnamese food, or Mexican food. As long as you are happy. I don’t have anything to say. OK, good. Last one, what do you think of foods becoming increasingly diverse and fancy? That’s a good thing for sure! Better for health - that’s good! But also it’s a shift away from our traditional homecooking. Many foods today are less healthy. You think that’s good? That’s okay! Not to say you are looking for comfort from home foods - that’s not so necessary, though. Any vision for our home foods? Any vision for our home foods…? Okay to have none. Yeah, nothing. This is how it is. It looks like everyone else in our family is more progressive than me! No no, it’s not a matter of “progressive” or “backwards,” whatever suits you is good. There is no absolute “good” or “bad”. Then why, when I’m making sweet potato leaves for example, are you so shocked? I… was I? Yeah! I remember clearly you saying “why would you eat the foods that only grandmas eat?” Ah, that! Haha yeah, the sweet potato leaves, celery leaf pancakes, things like that, I thought they are supposed to be only what older people like… People of your age aren’t supposed to like them. But turns out you do! That’s why I’m surprised. OK… looks like the time is advancing, so you all have accepted the reality that not a long of young people like them. Haha… OK.

Grandma & Aunt Me: What did you grow up eating? Grandma Sweet potatoes, dried sweet potatoes, corn bread, not a lot of Chinese white bread because we were poor and there wasn’t a lot of wheat. Aunt: Vegetables were mostly salty pickles. Grandma: lots of radish and napa cabbage. Pickles were mostly napa cabbage roots Cabbage and radish the panacea! Ahahaha! Me: Wait how did you cook (dried) sweet potatoes? Grandma: Steamed and boiled, or cut it into pieces and pieces to make a porridge with mung beans and peanuts. It’s quite good… yummy! Me: Woowww - I want to make it too! I didn’t know that! I don’t like white rice porridge - it’s so bland! Grandma: Right? Dried sweet potatoes have such good flavor! Especially with mung beans!

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Video call screenshot and WeChat profile. Just need to find something to show how beautiful my grandma and aunt are cheerfully smiley.

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Me: I have all of these! Grandma: All of them? You eat so well. Dried sweet potatoes too? Me: Not dried sweet potatoes… probably have to roast some in the oven. Aunt: That’s not how it works hahaMe: It’s sundried right? Grandma: Yup, you slice them and they are dried in good sunny weather - done in three days. Aunt: Slices can’t be too thin, 0.5 cm thin. Me: Raw or cooked? Grandma: Raw, sliced and sun-dried. Me: You can eat it raw when dried?? Grandma: You can eat it raw too, quite nice and starchyAunt: Sweet and starchy! Grandma: yeah, sweet and fragrant. Me: O-o-oh. Ohhh! (grandma & aunt: hehehehe) I should do more research on it. Aunt: Are there sweet potatoes in US? Me: Yeah, plenty. But the way they cook it is so weird - cut into pieces, coated with oil, and roasted. And mashed sweet potatoes... Grandma: Lemme tell you how you can make yummy sweet potatoes. You can make porridge. Pound a few peanuts into pieces, fry in the wok until nice and crispy, add some scallions and saute until fragrant, then put sweet potato pieces, then add some water and boil. So good! Me: So you make a soup? Grandma: Soup with starch. That’s really yummy.

Aunt: top with some cilantro. Me: Where and when did you eat it? Grandma: when we were small. But it’s yummy even now, just ppl don’t wanna make it anymore. Me: What? Such good stuff they don’t want? So you boil sweet potatoes until they are melted? That’s what makes the porridge thick? Aunt: You can put some flour, make it into dough drops and throw then in. Then all the soup and starch will come together - it’s gonna be quite yummy! Me: Oh yeah! Maybe some cornmeal? Aunt: No no! cornmeal wouldn’t work. Grandma: White flour is good! OK, this is sweet potatoes, and let me introduce one more. Pumpkins. You can also make pumpkin porridge - just fry some peanuts in oil, throw in pieces of pumpkin, guzhuguzhu, then throw in some flour. Me: You just pour in the flour? Aunt: No no no don’t. That’s saucy saucy paste. You put a bit of water into the flour, stir and stir and stir, then it becomes drops and drops of dough. Then you pour it in. Me: Damn I must write about it! Grandma & Aunt: Hehehe!

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Grandma: Then as science progressed slowly, the yield increased and living conditions improved, we got to eat big fluffy Chinese white bread every day! Aunt: Hehehe! Grandma: Corn bread now is just a snack. The more white flour, the less coarse grain.How to stew (dialect, versus “make”) the corn bread? Lemme teach you how to stew it. First, add hot water to cornmeal. After soaking it up, add baking soda, then keep stirring and stirring and stirring. When you feel it’s huchihuchi, you take it onto the pan. If stewed on a hot pan, the bread would be fluffy, then it’s gonna be good. Me: Just corn meal and soda? Aunt: And soybean flour. Grandma: Yeah, that’s sweeter and more fragrant - yummier! So it’s ⅔ cornmeal, ⅓ soybean flour. Then use a chopstick to stir until it’s sticky, huchichi… Then when the pot is burning hot, you put it into the pot and immediately cover. If you use hot pot, it comes out nice and soft. Me: I’ve made it in the US and everytime they come out damp on the outside and too dry inside. What’s going on? Grandma: Steel hard, isn’t it? Too little water and soda. Me: How much water and soda Grandma: You stir it like mixing up the mud. Then when you feel it’s “huchihuchi” it’s good. Me: Wait, what’s “huchihuchi?” Aunt: Hahahaha! You don’t know what “huchihuchi” means!

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Grandma: So you stir it round and round... Aunt: And it comes out fluffy… Grandma: Yeah, when it’s nice and fluffy, that’s “huchihuchi”. Me: Ahh! I can totally imagine that. Grandma: Hehe! Me: So now we are eating less corn bread and more white bread right? Grandma: Yeah, our living conditions are getting better! We got more wheat so get to eat white bread. Aunt: And we got to eat more and more chicken, duck, fish meat… Now they are even staple. As for the bread, we just take a few bites after the main dishes. Grandma: Now we got a better life! Aunt: not gonna fall short of protein! Me: What does the word “food culture” mean to you? Grandmai: “Food” means what we eat. “Culture” means how we eat. So food culture is that you eat and brush up your style! Aunt: Having your uniqueness. Like Shandong cuisine, Szechuan cuisine, everyone has a different style. That’s as much as we understand. Me: Then what food culture do you think you represent? Aunt: We? We are just ordinary people! Grandma: Lots of Chinese white bread! Or Shandong cuisine… Me: We are part of Qingdao, why Shandong? Grandma: Qingdao is part of Shandong too! Aunt: Yep, but we are not so used to Sichuan cuisines, the South. Me: If you have only three words to characterize your food culture, what would they be? Grandma: Fill your belly. Eat well... Aunt: Looking, smelling, and tasting good! Me: That’s just three words! Perfect! Grandma & Aunt: Hehehehe! Me: What do you think is “eating well”? What’s your eating philosophy? Grandma: Food that suits our own tastes - whatever we like. Aunt: Now there is no particularly good food, it’s mostly about what we like. Now we get to eat more chicken, duck and fish meat… Grandma: The well-off level! Aunt: Maybe in the future we begin to like more vegetables and fruits, going back to the old times! Grandma: If you like it, that’s what matters! Me: What has been your relationship with food growing up until now? Grandma: Only if the food is nutritious can we be healthy. Food has a lot of different nutrition, no? And our bodies need different kinds of nutrition.

Aunt: Our relationship to food is like the lip with the teeth. As close as lip and teeth! We won’t be alive without food. Grandma: We’ll starve to death without food! Me: Haha that’s interesting! My dad also said the other day that food was his momma! Aunt: HAHAHAHA! Grandma: What? Aunt: He said food was his momma! Grandma: HAHAHAHA! Your dad was joking with you! Aunt: Yeah that’s exactly it - no food? You are bye bye. Me: I remember when I was small, you bought so much yummy packaged food for me. Why? Aunt: Cuz the time is different. We didn’t have that when we were small. Now time is progressing and life is improving, so there are these foods in the supermarket now. We didn’t have that - just candies.Grandma: We wouldn’t even get to eat that! Me: That’s why you bought so much for me and pingping?Grandma: Now we are scaling up production and making money. Only then we can buy them for you. Aunt: And the big environment is better. Like boats going up with the level of the water! Now under the lead of the government, you guys are living in a better time. Me: So we got to eat better huh. Grandma: The time is better, so you eat better. Me: Got to grab this opportunity, no? Aunt: Yeah, grab this opportunity. Ahaha!

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Me: What role do you think food plays in our family? Grandma: Our family is quite harmonic. We eat a wide variety - this today, that tomorrow, that the next day... Don’t you see when we eat together and your dad video livestreams for you? Now our cost of living is much higher, much better than old times! Me: Hmm. Grandma: Poultry, fish, and meat, they all made their way to the table. Aunt: You were saying what role the food we eat plays in our family? Me: Right. Aunt: Eating well makes folks happy. And using this opportunity we are gathering every week, exchange feelings, and eat some good food. No? Grandma: We got a pretty cool family - food brings us harmony and I think that’s very good. It joins us together, so our efforts and minds go into one place! If you have anything good to add. Me: I got nothing. So well said! Mmmm… sweet! Last one - how would you like to see our food culture manifest in today’s diversifying and mingling of cultures and cuisines and shifts away from tradition?

Grandma: With higher income we can buy more. We can buy whatever we want. Aunt: Now we have the choice to eat what we want based on our taste. For a person, alas, it’s best to live freely. They say life is short so we had better live at will! That’s the best thing. Whatever you want, you go buy it. Grandma: Flashy stuff. That’s why we want you to come back - then we get to eat flashy stuff together! Me: Uh. I was just calling my parents and my dad said it’s not a good choice for you to come back. Not good for your academics. You got to bear through it over there. Grandma: Doesn’t want you to come back? How? Everyone wants you back. Me: Yeah, but he said not suggested. Grandma: Are folks taking online classes? Everybody back here takes online classes. Me: And in the states too! Grandma: What states? Come back and take classes online. Aunt: Anyway, whether or not you’re coming back, just relax out there. Don’t get miserably homesick. Now that you chose to study abroad in the US, you got to adjust your mood, talking to us a bit more! Me: Yeah. Aunt: Learn to cook more food! Use cooking to improve your mood. Have fun with food! Grandma: Live a better life. It’s most important to be happy, no? Me: That’s so true. Well, teach me more recipes! Aunt: Shouldn’t you go to bed? We can’t keep you from sleeping. Go to bed! Message us anytime and chat with us. Me: Well, then grandma has to skip classes. Grandma: I have nothing at noon. Not going to classes. Me: perfect, I’m usually not productive at this time anyway. Aunt: No worries, call me when you want and don’t if you’re busy.

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Credits

Cui, Yan. 100 Details of Qingdao. Qingdao, Qingdao History Records Office, 2006. Cui, Yan. Qingdao Beautiful. Qingdao, Qingdao Publishing Press, 2016. Li, Liang. "Good Carbs, Good Veggies: Sweet Potatoes." Ecological Culture, no. 1, 2011, pp. 39-41. CNKI. Accessed 4 Nov 2020. "Southern Tofu, Northern Tofu, Lactone Tofu." Zhihu, 27 Nov 2016, https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/23988671. Accessed 6 Nov, 2020. Zhang, Miao, and Rajah Rasiah. “Qingdao.” Cities, Pergamon, 2 Aug. 2012, www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/ abs/pii/S0264275112001175. My 19 years of experience growing up in Qingdao

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