knife&folk the alternative cookbook 1
DAVID CARTER Published by Sumner Publishing Group Sumner Books Ltd, 6 Eastham Street, Clitheroe, Lancashire England, United Kingdom. www.sumnerbooks.com www.dave-carter.com First Published 2009. Copyright © Scott Cross, 2009. Photographs copyright © David Carter, 2009. Illustrations copyright © David Carter, 2009. The moral right of the author has been asserted. All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book. Set in Bell MT. Written and typeset by David Carter, Lancashire. Printed in Great Britain by David Carter, Lancashire. ISBN 0-413-19880-9
contents canables ............................. 4 warning ................................ 5 introduction ..................... 6 meet your meat ............. 8 vegetable soup ..............10 meat balls ..........................14 chinese stir-fry .......... 19 black pudding ............. 22 puff pastry ...................... 24 spotted dick ................... 27 ™
This book is brought to you by:
canable
™
for people with good taste
At canable™ we are committed to integrating cannibals into society. We wish to change the perceptions and stigmas and make the general public realise that cannibals are just humans. We would like to thank Scott Cross for sharing his culinary expertise.
4
Warning: All people appearing in this book are ď€ ctitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Open mindedness and a good sense of humour are just as essential as a healthy appetite. 5
introduction ‘Knife & Folk’ provides quick but hearty meals for everyday cooking using fresh meat from good stock to produce delectable and delicious dishes. ‘Knife & Folk’ endeavour to source sustainable, succulent and fresh meat; however no humans are ever killed or maimed for the purpose of eating. We recommend you source your meat from the recently deceased and for fuller, stronger flavour leave them to hang for a few days. The recipes in this book will provide a contemporary twist to traditional dishes to enable you to indulge in your natural instincts. This book is aimed at those people who are looking to widen their repertoire of how to cook human based recipes. For those of you who have never considered cannibalism before, this book is intended to show everyone that cooking human meat is easy and tasty when you know how, and that anyone can do it. This book is ideally for necro-cannibals, those who eat the already
6
deceased; however all cannibals are encouraged to broaden their horizons as well as their appetite. I do not believe in killing people for the purposes of consumption, and I would urge you all to take a similar stance. We are not murderers! In some cultures cannibalism is seen as normal. Tribes have been known to eat their deceased relatives as a ritual act of respect to keep themselves close to their loved ones. In cases of extreme famine when no other food can be found some people have had to resort to eating the flesh of humans. This book will allow cannibals from all walks of life to sink their teeth into something new. Canables™ For people with good taste.
7
“A young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled.� Jonathan Swift
8
meet your meat I recommend that you get to know your meat before you use it in the kitchen. If you have a good relationship with whom you’re going to cook, I can guarantee you’ll get much more satisfaction out of eating them. There are many different kinds of meat you can use in your cooking so it is always valuable to be aware of what each race of meat brings to your dishes. For example, using meat of Indian origin tends to give a spicy flavour, whilst using Chinese reared meat will give an oriental flavour that works perfectly in a stirfry. Although they are hard to come across in England, if you can source a Mexican you will add a rich hot flavour to your dishes, superb for chilli or enchiladas. British people provide a wholesome, meaty flavour that lends itself beautifully to any traditional British recipe.
9
10
vegetable soup
*
*contains comatose or paraplegic people
11
I’ve tried many different vegetable soups over the years with varying degrees of success but this recipe is the simplest and the tastiest. The secret to a good vegetable soup lies in how fresh and ripe your vegetable is. If you can get them a few days after passing this will ensure a ripe yet fresh taste. Alternatively, if you get them earlier than this, you can leave them to ripen but keep them cold to make sure they don’t get soft. If you can get your vegetables from good stock, it doesn’t really matter what condition they have, as the flavour will be guaranteed irrespective of the severity of their condition. Best served in a war m dee p bowl with some crispy skin croutons. Start off by placing your chopped vegetable in a pan with a few dashes of olive oil. Simmer on a low heat for 20 minutes to ensure they are cooked throughout. Whilst your vegetable is sweating, soften your onion in a pan with olive oil and add the garlic. When soft add the carrot and potatoes. Once your vegetable has been cooked for 20 minutes add the stock and heat for a further 5 minutes. Add the carrot, potatoes, onions and garlic, and stir in the cream. Heat gently for a couple of minutes, the cream will help the soup to have a smooth and silky texture. Add a touch of salt and pepper to serve.
12
Serves 8-10 1 vegetable, ripened over 3 days, peeled and chopped 1 onion, peeled and diced 1 clove of garlic, finely chopped 1 carrot, peeled and grated 2 potatoes, peeled and coarsely chopped 5 tablespoons cream 1 litre of vegetable stock made from the bones salt and pepper to taste
13
meat balls
14
Serves 4-6 150g/5oz onion, finely chopped 1 clove garlic, crushed 900g/2lb freshly minced testicles (or one pair per person) 1 tbsp rosemary 1 free-range egg, beaten salt and freshly ground black pepper 3 tbsp olive oil
Meat balls can be quite tricky to cook correctly. If you don’t cook them for long enough they will have quite a salty taste, however if you follow this recipe I’m sure you won’t be able to get enough balls in your mouth! This recipe makes roughly 24 meat balls using minced testicles. Mincing the testicles beforehand will make it easier to cook and this removes the salty flavour. It can be hard to get hold of 900g of fresh testicles, so you may find that using them whole and serving one pair per person is sufficient. Cooking them whole allows your diners to just pop them in their mouth and bite them to allow all the salty sauce to dribble out. Heat the olive oil in a saucepan over a gentle heat and add the onions and garlic. Cover with a lid and leave to sweat for four minutes until they are soft and golden then leave to cool. Add these to a large bowl and mix together with the minced testicles. Add the herbs and the beaten egg and season. Divide the mixture into about 24 equal sized balls and keep chilled until needed. These balls go well with a nice sauce made from a Mexican or served with an Italian.
15
“Feed and love the food that feeds you.” Jamie Oliver
16
17
“Why should you
have standards when buying?
Because you are going to put this food in your mouth and swallow it and you’ll do this two or three times every single day of your life. Everything you eat contributes to you being happy, or fit, or lethargic, or full of energy, or susceptible to colds and flu, or being able to think better and hold your concentration. Your hair, your fingernails, your height, your skin, everything you are is made from the food you eat.”
Jamie Oliver
18
Fancy a Chinese for tea?
19
chinese stir-fry Stir-frying is a Chinese cooking technique where the ingredients are cut into bite sized pieces which are continuously stirred in a wok. The process of stir-frying keeps the textures of the ingredients intact. It is vital to heat the oil to a very hot temperature in the wok before adding ingredients, as this brings out the flavour naturally. Chinese people, although small in structure, contain a lot of subtle spice and aromatic flavours. For this particular recipe I would recommend using breast meat as it is nice and tender, and typically Chinese breast meat isn’t overly fatty. If you can’t get hold of breast meat, thigh meat works equally as well. Marinade the Chinese in the soy sauce and honey for a good hour before cooking. Start by heating the oil in a wok until it is very Serves 4 hot. Add the meat and stir-fry for about 5 2 tbsp clear honey minutes to ensure cooking throughout and 4 tbsp dark soy sauce until the breast is golden. Remove the wok 2 skinless Chinese breasts (or 500g from the heat and drain off any excess fat thigh meat) that may have seeped out during cooking. 2 carrots Return the wok to the heat and add the bunch spring onions carrots, spring onions and ginger to the 1 tbsp vegetable oil meat. Heat for about 2 minutes to retain the 1 thumb sized piece of ginger, grated texture of the vegetables. Serve by spooning the Thai fragrant rice, boiled or steamed, to serve meat over the rice and add soy sauce to taste. 20
“When it comes to meat, always try and get the best you can afford. Although it’s not always practical, it’s great to know where your meat has come from, how it was raised, how long it was hung for and how it was butchered.” Jamie Oliver
21
black pudding Serves 4-6 1lt (1 ¾ pints) blood 340g (12oz) diced Caribbean meat 300ml (1/2 pint) milk 50g (2oz) oatmeal 3 medium onions, chopped 1 tbsp salt ½ tsp mixed herbs ½ tsp cayenne pepper pinch nutmeg
This dish is somewhat of a delicacy among us cannibals due to the requirement of fresh blood needed to make this recipe. You’ll need to get hold of a freshly deceased black person, preferably from the Caribbean as this meat will add a subtle hint of spice but with a delicate fruit undertone. Preheat the oven to 160C, 300F, Gas mark 2. Mix all the ingredients together thoroughly in a large bowl and make sure all seasoning is evenly distributed. Mix thoroughly as the blood needs to coat all the ingredients. Cook this mixture for 5 minutes and stir continuously as the blood will separate if you don’t. Next use this mixture to fill large sausage casings. Place these into an ovenproof dish and cover. Place this dish in a larger dish half filled with water and bake for 1 ½ hours. Allow to chill. Use as required. 22
23
puff pastry 24
What you will need: 150g (5oz) meat from a homosexual 225g (8oz) plain flour pinch of salt 30g (1oz) lard 150ml (5fl oz) cold water 150g (5oz) butter
You need a bit of time on your hands to make a good puff pastry, however it will all pay off in the end. The key to making a good puff pastry is all in the homosexual you use. If you can get hold of a overly camp person the meat tends to be more delicate, soft and very sweet, which are all vital when making a light puff pastry. To start, sift together the salt and flour into a large mixing bowl. Rub in the lard and add enough water to make a soft dough. Cover with cling film and chill for 20 minutes. Next flatten out the butter to a rectangle approximately 10 cm by 7.5 cm. You may find this easy to do between sheets of greaseproof paper using a rolling pin. Take your dough and roll out another rectangle that is 12.5 cm by 25cm and place the butter out of the paper onto the dough. Bring the corners of the dough around to make an envelope. This will need to be chilled for 10 minutes. After chilling, roll the dough out on a floured surface to make a rectangle that is 3 times longer than it is wide. Place one third of your meat in the middle third of the pastry. Fold over one of the end thirds of the pastry on top of the middle third. Add another third of your meat on top of this and fold the final section of pastry over. Add the last of your meat and leave to chill for 30 minutes. Repeat this rolling and folding process twice more and leave to chill for another 30 minutes. Roll and fold twice more so that it has been folded six times in total. Now your pastry is ready to use as required. Puff pastry has an airy fairy, light, delicate texture that lends itself to being used for desserts. Man handling your puff pastry will make it firmer, harder and more rugged, making it suitable for big meaty pies and stews. 25
“Once you’ve perfected one really good ‘parent’ recipe, you can make lots of ‘offspring’ recipes.” Jamie Oliver
26
spotted dick Serves 2-4 Select one penis of your choice, remove testicles. Caucasian penises work best for this particular dish as others, such as those of Indian’s produce a more spicy flavour. 285g (10oz) self-raising flour 150g (5oz) shredded suet pastry 150ml (Ÿ pint) milk 110-160g (4-6oz) currants or raisins 85g (3oz) caster sugar 1 lemon, zest only, finely grated pinch salt For the sauce 1 pair of testicles 55ml (2 fl oz) single cream 30g (1oz) caster Sugar juice of 1 lemon
27
This dish originates from around 1350 when the Black Death reached its peak in Europe. The Black Death is widely considered to be caused by the bubonic plague, which causes the infected to come out in large red swollen spots. The only part of the body unaffected by these spots was the penis. Cannibals at this time struggled to get the meat they craved because eating someone who had died from the plague would incidentally infect the cannibal. So they were known to filter through the dead removing all penises they could find and this later on became a delicacy ironically known as ‘spotted dick.’ This dish works best with meat that is fresh, thick and well hung. I recommend you hang it for at least a week in a warm room to maintain size and to prevent shriveling. Try to get the penis with testicles still attached as these can later be used to make a sauce. The meat from the penis is quite sweet and so is perfect for this dessert. A four inch flaccid penis will serve two as a side dish or one as a main. Alternatively use a less endowed specimen for snack food. To start with you may decide to remove the foreskin as this will go crispy during cooking. I feel it adds another texture to the dish however leaving it on is completely up to you. Next mix all the dry ingredients together (including lemon.) Add the milk and mix into a soft dough. Roll on a floured surface until you have a length of approximately 6 inches and 6 inches wide. Place the penis in the middle and fold over the edges to cover it completely. Wrap loosely in kitchen foil, leaving enough space for it to rise. Insert this into a steamer and leave it for 1½ to 2 hours. For the sauce take the testicles, cut and squeeze out all juices into a bowl. Add the cream, sugar and lemon juice and mix. Heat gently over a low heat until silky smooth. Serve a thick slice smothered in the warm smooth creamy sauce.
28
29
30