Modern day etiquette involves thinking about others

Modern-day etiquette

involves thinking about others

Written by HUNTRE KEIP

Etiquette is often misinterpreted as a “stuffy” concept of the past but understanding the basics of good manners is more important now than ever.

According to Judy Larkin, owner of

The Larkin Tea Co., etiquette involves not only thinking about oneself, but others.

“The golden rule of etiquette is to treat people the way you would like to be treated,” Larkin says. “A lot of people think etiquette is ‘old-time’ or stuffy, but it is just as relevant now as it has ever been.”

Growing up in Manchester, England,

Larkin’s family instilled in her the basics of manners. When she moved to the United States with her husband in 1971, she put her knowledge to use and held speaking engagements and etiquette classes for organizations and children’s groups.

While classes are useful, Larkin said a great way for people to understand etiquette is to observe their surroundings.

“As a little girl, my family was strict when it came to manners, but the biggest way I learned was by observing the public and how they behaved,” she says. “For example, holding the door for someone or giving up your seat on public transportation for the elderly or a pregnant woman.”

According to Larkin, etiquette starts during childhood. Children should be reminded to say, “thank you,” eat with proper utensils instead of fingers and hold doors open for family members.

“When parents signed their children up for etiquette classes, I told them they needed to come, too, and they did not understand why. I said that the children will try to listen to me for an hour, but once the time is up, they will forget about it,” she says. “If the parents took the class with their children, they would be able to remind them of what they are and are not doing outside of the classroom. The constant practice becomes second nature.”

“Anyone can go to afternoon tea, but they must know the etiquette and what is expected, and if they do that, they can comfortably go in any social setting,” Larkin says.

Learning during tea

Larkin’s ideal classroom is a tearoom, where she teaches the importance of posture, how to eat and how to interact with others.

For many, afternoon tea is not a common activity, but it covers the basics of any social event.

“Anyone can go to afternoon tea, but they must know the etiquette and what is expected, and if they do that, they can comfortably go in any social setting,” Larkin says.

Modern-day etiquette is similar to the etiquette taught 50 years ago, but the biggest shift is technology. Larkin said people need to resist the urge to check notifications.

“If someone is constantly on their phone, answering calls or text messages, it can be a slap in the face to the people they are physically with. It sets the tone that the phone is more important than they are,” she says. “It raises the question, ‘How would you like to be treated?’”

Two things that will never go out of style are handshakes and thankyou notes.

“The concept of shaking hands goes back to the Middle Ages,” Larkin said. “Men would shake hands with the right hand – their sword hand – so when they extended their hands in greeting, it was a sign of peace.”

Larkin insists on shaking hands with a firm grip to serve as a warm welcome.

The classic thank-you note has evolved over the years. In the past, people handwrote letters to thank others for something they did. Now, a thank-you email, text message or call will suffice.

“A handwritten note is the best way to go, but the most important thing is to acknowledge the person who did something nice for you, no matter how you say it,” Larkin says.

Larkin believes etiquette evolves with society, which means the way of learning it will evolve, too.

“Anyone can learn basic etiquette at any age,” she says. “If someone does not want to attend an etiquette class, there are numerous books on the subject, or even go on YouTube. There are many tutorials on etiquette 101.”

But, if someone is interested in participating in an etiquette class, Larkin is more than willing to help. She can be contacted through her website (larkintea.com) or Facebook page (The Larkin Tea Co. LLC).

Judy Larkin, owner of The Larkin Tea Co.