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LIMITED
COVER STORY
Weddings
6 Recommitted The Aaron and Janet Potsick family are a testament to the power of love and faith
2013
A publication of the Herald & Review 601 E. William St. Decatur, IL 62523
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Table of Contents FEATURES
12 What’s in a name? Weddings are laden with decisions, and in a world where some of the trickier ones used to revolve around where the wedding would be held, or large guest list versus small, it seems another wedding decision women are tackling today is one that comes after the big day itself: To change or not to change their last name.
16 Acing the love test Brittany Holmes wasn’t looking for a love connection when she took an ACT prep class about six years ago, but that’s exactly what happened when she met Collin Madding.
18 Wedding traditions
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Couples these days might not rely too heavily on luck for their future, but many still cling to old traditions and customs surrounding weddings. But how much do we know about the origins of these traditions? Check out what the experts have to say.
To submit story ideas: e-mail: jeana.matherly@lee.net.
20 Waiting to say ‘I do’
© 2013 by Lee Enterprises Inc. Any editorial content or advertising published is the property of Lee Enterprises Inc.
More women are focusing on their education and careers and waiting to walk down the aisle. Find out why it can be worth the wait.
22 Now what? Before you jump headfirst into wedding planning, take some time to think about what your expectations and budget are for your special day and talk them over with your fiance and your family members. Then, let the games begin!
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24 Second time around Today, there are no rules in second (or third) weddings. That means the lucky couple can do whatever they see fit.
26 Green and white It’s not hard to have the wedding or your dreams and still stay eco-conscious.
28 Flower power Know the terminology — and what you want — before choosing flowers for your wedding and reception.
30 Here’s a tip When making wedding plans and setting aside the funds, don’t forget to budget in the tips you’ll need for certain wedding services. 2013 ♥ LIMITED WEDDINGS ♥ 5
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Renewing the vow
Health threats and heartaches inspire couple to rededicate their love WORDS: Donnette Beckett
T
he idea of renewing their vows was something Aaron and Janet Potsick thought about shortly after their wedding in December 2001. “I had always thought it would be fun,” said Janet, “but somewhere down the road.” “Somewhere down the road” came this past July, when the couple decided to take the plunge again and re-dedicate their love and commitment to each other. 6 ♥ LIMITED WEDDINGS ♥ 2013
“We’ve been through a lot more than most people married longer,” Aaron explained. The Potsick’s love story started at Lincoln Christian College where they met. At first, Janet said, she wasn’t ready for a relationship. Aaron, on the other hand, said he knew they were meant to be together. “He will tell you it was something about my eyes,” she said. Janet relented and decided to give the relationship with Aaron a try. Soon after meeting, Janet learned
Aaron had Addison’s Disease, an autoimmune deficiency that affects the adrenal glands. People suffering from the disease take longer to recover from sickness and longer to come out of shock. However, the news didn’t worry her. “I’m not a fearful person,” she said. After dating led to a simple marriage
g
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proposal at a park swing, she decided the disease was not something that would stop her from marrying him. The couple was married Dec. 22, 2001, in a low-key, traditional ceremony in First Christian Church, Moweaqua. The church was already decorated for Christmas. An uncle played classical guitar. Traditional vows were read by the minister. The reception was just cake and punch in the church hall for their 300 guests. “We both loved our first ceremony,” Aaron said. After a honeymoon in Hawaii, the couple settled down into married life. Aaron taught sixth grade at Mary W. French Academy and Janet stayed home with their children, Isabella Christine “Izzy,” born Sept. 8, 2005, and Roxanne Erin “Roxy,” born May 18, 2007. Life continued on a normal track until 2009, when the Potsick’s world would forever change. While driving through Macon, Aaron had a seizure. His car traveled over a median without hitting anyone, and the accident took place in front of two police officers parked across the street. He was transported to the hospital in an empty ambulance that happened to be on its way home. These coincidences have Janet and Aaron convinced that God was watching over him. Aaron was diagnosed with grade four Glioblastoma, a brain tumor with a survival rate of 6 to 18 months. “They didn’t tell me (about the survival rate), they just said to go home and get your affairs in order,” said Aaron. “I said ‘No. That’s not what I’m doing.’ ” The Potsicks sought a second opinion at Preston Robert Tisch Brain Tumor Cen-
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ter at Duke University. “I’m young, I’m healthy; give me what you got,” Aaron told the doctors at Duke. His surgery was on June 2 of that same year, a little more than two weeks before the birth of their son, Jonah Micheal, on June 17. “When they diagnosed him, they diagnosed me,” Janet said. She read several books and talked to nutritionists regarding brain tumors. Aaron visited the Back Institute for acupuncture, and together, they found the right mixture of health supplements to help Aaron through the disease. Aaron was soon downgraded to a stage three brain tumor, meaning he could survive the illness. Doctors began six weeks of radiation and light chemotherapy, followed by a year of traditional oral chemotherapy. Aaron and Janet prayed over the chemo pill. “We’ve always done everything as a team,” Aaron explained. During the treatment, Aaron rarely felt sick and was able to work every day. “What I really wanted sort of surpassed whatever my body felt,” Aaron said. “What I wanted was to survive and raise my kids.” But, as Aaron was recovering, his daughters were facing their own health challenges. Four months after Aaron’s surgery, their oldest, Izzy, began 8 ♥ LIMITED WEDDINGS ♥ 2013
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limping and her foot began to swell. Six months and several hospital visits later, she was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. Aaron and Janet decided against medication, one of which would have been chemotherapy. Izzy went through several sessions of physical therapy and prayer. Today, she is an active 7-year-old, but the disease may still have some side effects. Almost immediately following Izzy’s diagnosis, Roxy suffered a severe head injury in May 2010 while playing outside with the family dog. Surgery was able to correct her skull, which was cracked on both sides. Today, the only evidence of her accident is a slight physical defect on one side of her head. Then, in 2011, Izzy was forced to spend several days in the hospital receiving treatment to cure Clostridium Difficile or C-diff, a bacterial infection. All of these challenges happened before the Potsick’s 10-year anniversary. But in the wake of all of these trials, Aaron and Janet can laugh while reminiscing over the doctors’ visits and all
that comes with them. “God made it so much better than it could have been,” Janet said. “But there were times when both of us were crying.” The idea of renewing their vows came up again after Aaron’s brain surgery, but was sidelined by other issues the couple had to deal with. Even with the continuing doctor’s visits, brain scans and the pressure of raising three children, Aaron and Janet decided July 18, 2012 would be the day. They chose a favorite vacation spot in Florida as the site for their ceremony. Finances were still tight, so Janet contacted ParadiseBeachWeddings.net, a wedding coordinator promising low budget weddings on the beach. To help cut down the cost, the Potsicks renewed their vows during the middle of the week on a Wednesday in Daytona Beach, Fla., with 15 family and friends. The bride’s dress was from David’s Bridal; the groom’s attire was from Wal-Mart; and the attendants were dressed from Gymboree. Everyone, including the guests, was barefoot.
Izzy and Roxy walked their mother down the isle to the song “All That’s Sweet” by Bleach, a song the couple chose for their original wedding, while Jonah stayed with his father at the altar. After the minister read Scripture and gave a short sermon, communion was given to the song “Dancing in the Mindfields” by Andrew Peterson. This time the couple wrote their own vows. After all they had been through, they knew what to say. To end the ceremony, the guests were invited to celebrate with Aaron and Janet with Blessings Shells. During the service, the couple begins by saying a blessing over the marriage and throwing the shells into the ocean. The guests then do the same. A rainbow appeared over the ocean as the Potsick’s guests threw their shells. Aaron and Janet invited their guests to one of their favorite restaurants for a personal reception. The invitation to the reception was simply, “If you want to hang out, come on over.” “I wish we would have done our first wedding this way,” said Aaron.
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You take
the man
but do you take his name? New brides are no more chained to tradition when it comes to that decision WORDS: Nicole Harbour
W
eddings are laden with decisions, and in a world where some of the trickier ones used to revolve around where the wedding would be held, or large guest list versus small, it seems another wedding decision women are tackling today is one that comes after the big day itself: To change or not to change their last name. In decades past, the name a woman went by after she married wasn’t so much a decision as a tradition, or something that was assumed, said Wegi Stewart, president of the Community Foundation of Macon County. “When I got married in 1974, I took my husband’s name,” said Stewart. “Our generation in 1974 was kind of caught in the middle of two extremes. There was a lot of activity in the women’s movement, but there was also a strong traditionalist pull. Taking your husband’s name was what our mothers did, and I came from a family where the girls didn’t have middle names because it was assumed our maiden name would become our middle name when we got married.”
Today, however, the last name a woman goes by isn’t an assumption — it’s a choice. And in the United States, where today’s brides-to-be have more options than their great-grandmothers, grandmothers or mothers did, they are choosing what works best for them: Taking their husband’s name; retaining their maiden name professionally while taking their husband’s name legally; hyphenating; not hyphenating. Kate (Feriozzi) Flemming, who married her husband, Tyler, in July, said the couple began talking about what their stances were on last names while they were dating. “Before I met Tyler, I had, in the past, thought I’d keep my (maiden) name,” the 24-year-old said. “It means a lot to me, but Tyler really wanted me to take his last name.” Flemming said it was a difficult decision, but after some discussion with Tyler and family members, she was able to make a choice that she and Tyler were comfortable with by the time they got married. “I decided to make my maiden name my second middle name,” she said.
“Flemming is my only last name, but now Feriozzi is my second middle name.” Flemming said her decision allowed her to have the best of both worlds. “Ultimately, I love my husband, and changing my name to his was important to him,” she explained. “I didn’t lose my name, since I added it to my middle name, so really there was no change.” Associate Judge Lisa Holder White made the decision to retain her maiden name as a middle name, as well. “My father and mother had three daughters and no sons, so my father’s name was going to end with us,” said Holder White. “My decision (to retain Holder as a middle name) was based on a way to give a nod to my father for the profound impact he had on me as a person, and I’m proud of it.” Holder White said her decision made sense professionally, as well. “It (keeping Holder) became more important to me, as I became a professional woman, and I made my decision once I finished law school,” she said. “My husband had no problem with it, and it’s been very positive for me. I think, in the past, women who kept their names were 2013 ♥ LIMITED WEDDINGS ♥ 13
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viewed as more strong willed, but I don’t think that’s necessarily true today. It’s something that deviates from a traditional decision, but I don’t think it’s looked at the same way today.” Amanda Black, editor of TheKnot.com, agreed. “I don’t think it (a woman keeping her maiden name) is as big a deal anymore,” Black said in a phone interview. “I think you’ll still run into a mother-in-law who’s traditional and wants everything to be the same (in terms of last names), but I think there are more people today who respect women for maintaining their name and their separate identity.” For Beth Nolan, a financial advisor with Raymond James, keeping her maiden name when she married was always the plan. “I never really considered changing my name,” said Nolan, who’s been married to her husband, John Larcher, for more than five years. “I think on our second date, I even said that to John, even before we were thinking about marriage. I’m really connected to my family and identify with my family’s name, and John was totally OK with it.” Nolan acknowledged that she wanted to keep her name for professional reasons, as well. “I was 30 when I got married and was already established in my career,” she said. “As a financial advisor, I have a lot of things registered in my maiden name, so keeping my name made it easier for me professionally, too.” The mother of two children, Nolan said although her 4-year-old sometimes asks her why she doesn’t have the same last name as she does, and although she sometimes feels she has to justify her decision to other people, she doesn’t regret her decision. “I’m really proud of my name,” she 14 ♥ LIMITED WEDDINGS ♥ 2013
said. “And today, I think a woman’s name is a choice, where it wasn’t really a choice 20 years ago.” Dr. Carol Cohen, a pulmonologist with Central Illinois Lung Internists, cited her professional career as one of the reasons she wanted to keep her maiden name. “It was an easy decision,” Cohen said. “I was already in practice and had graduated from medical school before I got married in 1979, and so I felt like I’d already established myself. This was who I was.” Born and raised in Canada, Cohen said a woman keeping her maiden name when
she marries is more common in Canada than it is in the United States. “It was so natural in Canada,” she explained. “I still have a lot of friends there who have their maiden names, and in my profession, it’s sometimes easier to keep your maiden name. It wasn’t really a big deal for me.” A professional career doesn’t necessarily dictate whether a woman keeps or changes her name, however. Dr. Maria Granzotti, chief physician executive at St. Mary’s Hospital, said taking her husband’s name when she married was an easy choice, despite the fact that both of them were still establishing their careers
as doctors. “We got married right after residency in 1992,” said Granzotti. “We were both individuals in our own rights, but we were becoming a family, and we wanted to be a full force together. It was the honor of being asked to join his family, and it was what I wanted.” Heather Kind-Keppel, director of student engagement at Richland Community College, said she believes a woman’s decision to keep or change her name is more respected today than it was in decades past. “My mother hyphenated her name in 1971, and I think it was a much bigger struggle for her than it is now,” said KindKeppel, 36, who chose to keep her parents’ name when she married her husband 11 years ago. “I think a woman keeping her name has become more common today, and for me, keeping my name was a personal choice and a way to pay homage to my parents and my grandparents.” Regardless of the options and alternatives that are available for women today, Black said the decision to keep or change your name can still be a difficult one. “It’s still a very hot topic,” said Black. “We get a lot of questions on our message board from women who are trying to decide what to do with their name, and we really try to give the best advice we can so they can make the best decision that fits them.” Black noted that when it comes to making the decision, open communication is key. “For women who are having a hard time making the decision, I would definitely say talk to your future spouse and see what he thinks and where he stands on the issue,” Black said, adding that talking to parents and future in-laws can also help. “Ultimately, though, it has to be a decision you’re comfortable with.”
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Proposal scores high marks ACT prep class helps set couple on a course for the future WORDS: Nicole Harbour
B
rittany Holmes never imagined she’d find love studying for the ACT, but about six years ago, that’s exactly what happened when the 22-year-old met her future fiance, Collin Madding. “We met in an ACT prep class at Millikin,” recalled Collin, 23. “She needed a calculator, and I was her knight in shining armor and gave her one.” Brittany, who was a junior at MaroaForsyth High School at the time, said the first thing she really noticed about Collin, who was a student at St. Teresa High School, was his sense of humor. “When we met in the ACT class, I would have to say his personality stood out,” she said. “I remember him making us all laugh, and we worked together in the class, which really allowed me to get to talk to him more.” Although the two clicked, Brittany said they didn’t begin dating until nearly a year and a half later. “We didn’t get together right away after the class,” she said, “but he always stuck with me, and when the time was 16 ♥ LIMITED WEDDINGS ♥ 2013
right, we found our way back to each other.” The two began dating in 2008, toward the end of their senior year of high school. “We got to know each other during the prep course,” explained Collin, “and nothing really came of that. But I had a friend in high school and at some outing — I think it may have been a golf event — Brittany found out he was my friend and actually asked him for my number
and called me.” From there, the two had their first date. “We went to Olive Garden and it was really nice,” Collin said. “We just got to know each other, and from there, we began hanging out more and more.” The two attended their senior proms together and from that point on, they had a strong bond, even when Brittany went away for college in the fall. “My freshman year, I went to Lewis
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University in Romeoville for golf,” said Brittany, “but after that first year, I ended up coming back to Decatur and finishing out college at Millikin with Collin because I didn’t really like it at Lewis.” After graduating from college in December 2011, Brittany began working for State Farm Insurance Co. in Bloomington, while Collin became employed by Caterpillar Inc., and nearly a year after graduation, Collin decided he wanted to ask Brittany to marry him. “I looked at where I was with my job,” Collin explained, “and I just felt comfortable moving forward.” Acknowledging that Brittany “seemed like she was becoming a little antsy,” Collin began formulating his plan to propose. “I mentioned that I might propose at Christmas,” he said, “but December was just kind of a bluff. I had to throw a curve ball in there to throw her off.” Collin’s real plan was to propose to Brittany at Thanksgiving, in front of both their families, during an annual dinner at the Decatur Club. The day of the proposal, nothing seemed too out of the ordinary for Brittany, but Collin was nervous. “My goal was to get her to the Decatur Club by noon,” he said, “but her whole family needed to get ready, so I told her I was going to pick her up at 10:30 a.m. I had family in town, too, so I just acted like we were going to talk and catch up with them.” After picking Brittany up, however, a wrench was thrown in Collin’s plans when his dad and Collin’s out-of-town family members ended up leaving for dinner too soon. “We ended up having an entire hour to kill,” he said, “so when we got to my house, I ended up acting like I was sick. I went in the bathroom and stayed there for about 20 minutes.” Knowing he couldn’t keep the act up for too long, Collin said he moved on to another idea. “I came up with the idea that we had to go close my grandpa’s garage door because he and my mom had forgotten to do that,” said Collin, “but when we got there, of course, the garage door was
closed, so I told Brittany he must have closed the garage door and just forgot he did.” With nearly 20 minutes left before Collin and Brittany were expected at Thanksgiving dinner, Collin turned to one last time-killing tactic. “Anyone knows if you have 20 minutes to kill, you go to Wal-Mart, so I told Brittany I needed to run in and pick up a birthday card for my cousin and some Pepto-Bismol because I was still not feeling well,” he said. “At this point, I knew Brittany was getting anxious, but I kept telling her we were going to make it on time.” After grabbing the necessary items and stalling in the video game section for about 10 minutes, Collin returned to the car and the couple headed to dinner. Arriving at the Decatur Club, Collin and Brittany went up to the mezzanine floor, “which was one floor higher than the one we usually go to,” said Brittany. Greeted by soft piano music, courtesy of Collin’s uncle, the two turned the corner and were on a balcony, overlooking the entire dining room. “As soon as we turned the corner, I think Brittany realized what was happening,” said Collin, “but I just grabbed a microphone, explained to our families why I had asked them all there, got down on one knee and proposed to her.” “I just broke down crying,” Brittany recalled. “I had no idea it was coming; he had mentioned Christmas a few times so I wasn’t expecting it and I was just in shock. But it was great; it was perfect.” Brittany said she loves Collin’s magnetic personality. “He makes me laugh every day and he gets along with my family,” she said. “We’ve created a great bond, and I don’t know what I’d do without him.” Collin feels the same about Brittany. “If she wasn’t in my life, it’d be like a puzzle piece was missing,” he said. “She fits me perfectly.” The couple hopes to marry sometime in 2014.
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Tried and true The roots of wedding traditions run deep WORDS: Donnette Beckett
M
any brides still adhere to the old English rhyme: “something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue” when preparing to walk down the aisle. All of the tokens mentioned in the verse were believed to bring good luck and fortune to a bride of old. Couples these days might not rely too heavily on luck for their future, but many still cling to old traditions and customs surrounding weddings. But how much do we know about the origins of these traditions? Check out what the experts have to say: Do you take this bride? In less civilized times, a man would capture a woman from another tribe to make her his wife. He literally “took a wife.” The practice, understandably, was upsetting to the wife’s father, not necessarily because of the loss of a beloved family member, but because he was left with one less worker on the farm. After grooms gave up the tradition of stealing a bride, they became a bit more civilized and purchased her. The price for a father’s daughter was the “wed-price” or “wed,” the amount compensated for the loss of labor. Honeymoon Although there are several origins related to this word, the most popular definition comes from the Norse. It was the custom of men at the time to capture a wife, and then take her to a location where the family could not find her. The couple stayed in the secret place until the moon had gone through all of its phases, which is about 30 days. While in hiding, the newlyweds were provided a drink mead — a wine made of honey. This became known as the “moon of honey” or the “honeymoon.” Also, the waxing and waning of the moon was likened to a marriage, where there would be high points and low points during the relationship. Tie one on A man and a woman would lace themselves together around the waist with reeds. By “tying the knot” they were considered married. 18 ♥ LIMITED WEDDINGS ♥ 2013
Eternal promise The ring is a continuous circle, a symbol of eternity. In the case of the wedding ring, it is a symbol of never-ending love. The earliest rings were made of braided grass or weeds. Rings later were made of precious metals and became a form of currency. When a groom gave his bride a ring, he trusted her with his property. One theory of why the ring is placed on the fourth finger of the left hand is the belief that one vein runs from that finger to the heart. Another theory is that since most people are right handed, a ring on the left hand will have less damage. Pucker up! The kiss has been a symbol of two parties that have sealed a deal. For a marriage, the kiss represents the agreement between two families in a lifetime commitment and the joining to the bride’s and groom’s souls, according to theamericanwedding.com. Wedding Attire Although the white wedding dress is long been considered a sign of purity, the tradition of the wearing white is somewhat new. The Victorian age popularized the color. To wear a white dress was a sign of affluence. After all, a white dress could only be worn once. Before this tradition, brides wore their best dress or the traditional color of their native country.
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The bridal veil was thought to be used to protect the bride from evil spirits. But the original veils were actually cloths wrapped around the brides head by the groom during the capture. Many women not wanting to be captured would cover their heads and have their friends to do the same to fool the would-be groom. Many a groom not checking under the veil was surprised by an older woman past childbearing years. Bouquets Bouquets of herbs and spices used to be carried by brides of old. The bride would wear herbs under her veil as a sign of fidelity. The bridal bouquet of herbs held by the bride was another way to ward off evil spirits. Herbal bouquets have since been replaced by flowers. Make it rain! What was a girl to do if her father was too poor to give his daughter a decent dowry? Her friends would come to the rescue by showering her with gifts appropriate
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for her first household. As the party evolved, the guests would place small gifts in an umbrella. The bride would raise the umbrella and the gifts would shower down upon her. Party on Members of the Bridal Party have always had many duties. While the groom stole his bride, the groom’s friends fought the father and her friends. If the bride grew impatient and went looking for her groom, her friends would protect her from kidnappers, robbers or jilted suitors. The women would dress alike to confuse those wanting to steal the bride’s dowry (the property or money the bride offered to the marriage). As the unification of marriages became more organized, couples still needed the help of their friends. The attendants dressed the same as the bride and groom to help the newly married couple avoid bad luck, believing that they could confuse evil spirits. In Denmark, some attendants went as far as wearing the clothes of the opposite sex to confuse the demons even more, ac-
cording to Vera Lee in her book, “Something Old, Something New.” Let them eat cake The wedding cake was not intended to be served as dessert for the guests. In fact, it wasn’t even originally cake. In early weddings, a loaf of bread (symbolizing fertility) was broken over the bride’s head. The guests would then scramble for the crumbs. It was said that if a female guest was to place the crumbs under her pillow, she would dream of her future husband. Sweet wedding cakes were brought by the guests and stacked along with the other guests’ cakes. The higher the final cake was, the more popular the couple. In some ancient cultures, the couple was not considered married until they ate together. That’s why the bride and groom feed each other cake even today.
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— Sources: www.elitedresses.com; “Something Old, Something New” by Vera Lee; “A Bride’s Book of Traditions” by Arlene Hamilton Stewart; www.theamericanwedding.com; www.weddings.lovetoknow.com; “Tried and Trousseau: The Bride Guide” by Jennifer Rogers; www.ehow.com.
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Worth the wait Many men and women are delaying marriage to establish their careers first WORDS: Nicole Harbour
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t’s been said good things come to those who wait, and for Katie Hinton, that adage rang true when it came to meeting and marrying her husband, Doug Ostermann. An art educator at Holy Family School, as well as an adjunct art professor at Millikin University, Hinton, 31, dreamt of becoming an artist from a young age, and she was driven to reach her goal as she grew up. “In high school and college, I was really focused on my school work,” said Hinton. “I always enjoyed drawing and painting, and dreamed about becoming an ‘artist’ when I was young. But before college, I didn’t really understand what it meant to be a professional artist. People always told me that I had so much talent, but it takes more than talent to become an artist. It takes a lot of hard work, time and commitment.” Graduating from Millikin University in 2003 with her bachelor’s in studio art, Hinton knew she wanted to continue on to graduate school. “My professors at Millikin encouraged me to continue my studies,” she said, “and I was determined to get my Masters of Fine Art to learn more about painting, art history and theory and the business of art.” Attending the Maryland Institute College of Art in Baltimore and the Cranbrook Academy of Art in Bloomfield Hills, Mich., for a total of four years, Hinton immersed herself in her work and had little time for anything else, including dating. “I was really driven to focus on my artwork and get my master’s, so I wasn’t interested in dating very much,” she said. After graduating with her master’s degree in 2007, Hinton moved back to Decatur, where she began establishing her career, and in 2010, she met her future husband. “I met Doug Oct. 15, 2010, at one of my sister’s parties,” she said, “and it just worked.” After dating 18 months and being engaged for another year, Hinton and Ostermann married in August 2012, at the ages of 31 and 44, respectively. 20 ♥ LIMITED WEDDINGS ♥ 2013
“We got married at Holy Family Catholic Church,” recalled Hinton. “I had my sister and sister-in-law as my bridesmaids, and my sister’s children were the flower girl and ring bearer. We had about 150 people and it was really nice.” Forty-three years ago, stories like Hinton’s were more rare. Between 1970 and 1975, according to the U.S. Census Bureau’s 2009 Survey of Income and Program Participation, nearly 50 percent of American women were married by the age of 25, with the median marriage age for women at 20.8 and men at 23.2. But statistics are changing, and American women and men are now waiting longer to get married, said Amanda Black, editor of TheKnot.com. “Nationally, in 2011, the average age for brides was 29 and the average age for grooms was 30,” said Black in a phone interview, noting that today, it’s not only becoming more common, but also more acceptable, for women to go to school longer and focus on their careers more before getting married. “There definitely seems to be a trend for brides to wait a little longer to get married and establish themselves (professionally) first.” Hinton agreed. “I have a lot of friends who aren’t overly concerned about getting married,” she said. “They’re more focused
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on their careers, and I think today, a lot more women are going to school longer, too.” Beth Nolan, a financial advisor with Raymond James, said she didn’t get married to her husband, John Larcher, until she was older, as well. “I had spent two years getting my master’s degree and kind of put my life on hold,” she said. “I ended up meeting my husband in 2005, and in 2007, we got married and I had just turned 30.” Although getting married at 30 wasn’t a conscious decision, Nolan said, she noted that it seems to be a more common occurrence today. “I think it’s much more socially acceptable now for women to get married later,” she said. “It’s more common.” While marrying later is becoming more common, women acknowledge that it still comes with its challenges. “It can be hard,” said Bailey Shaw of Decatur, who began pursuing her doctorate degree in English literature at Southern Illinois University at Carbondale in 2010. “After college, all my friends were getting married while I was
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in graduate school.” Hinton said a woman’s desire to have children can also pose a challenge. “I’ve always wanted children,” she said, “and I knew I needed to think about that, too, in addition to my career.” Shaw, who has been dating her boyfriend, Andrew, for two years, maintains that, despite the challenges, putting off marriage until she finishes her degree is the right decision for her. “We’ve definitely talked about marriage,” she said, “and maybe farther along in my doctorate program I would think about being engaged, but I just don’t know if now is the right time. It can be a little hard to see my friends getting married and having babies, but I know that I’ll be better off in the long run (by pursuing more education).” Nolan said getting married a little later affected her wedding planning and length of engagement. “I think getting married later kind of accelerated our engagement,” she said. “Once we made the decision to get married, we kind of fast-tracked our wedding so that we could have kids, but I
can say I truly enjoyed the whole process. I wanted to savor the day and it was a really relaxing time for me.” Hinton also acknowledged that her wedding was different than what it might have been had she gotten married younger. “I think I would’ve stressed over every little thing, and I think I would have wanted a destination wedding or something more grand,” she said. “I loved getting married in Decatur, though. It was really nice and all of the memories of growing up here made the event really special.” Like Shaw, Hinton said establishing her career first and marrying later was the best decision for her. “I feel like I’m more confident in myself now,” she said, “and I definitely think that having a strong career is a plus for my relationship (with Ostermann). We talk about our goals, and I think it brings us closer. I feel confident in my decisions, and it feels really good to know I married the right person. It was definitely worth the wait.”
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You said ‘Yes!’
NOW WHAT? B
efore you jump headfirst into wedding planning, take some time to think about what your expectations and budget are for your special day and talk them over with your fiance and your family members. Now, let the games begin… 12-plus months before ❐ Figure out potential dates for your wedding ❐ Draw up an initial guest list to get an idea about the possible size of your wedding ❐ Visit area reception and banquet halls, as well as ceremony locations or churches if needed ❐ Sit down with your families and draw up a budget, deciding who can contribute where ❐ Meet with your wedding officiant ❐ Book your ceremony location ❐ Book your reception location ❐ Reserve wedding night bridal suite ❐ Decide on groomsmen and bridesmaids and ask them to be in your wedding party ❐ Begin asking around for recommendations on vendors such as florists, photographers and DJs ❐ Get organized — make a binder or folder to keep all wedding information together ❐ Insure your engagement ring 10 to 12 months before ❐ Meet with potential vendors to ask questions and discuss your plans ❐ Book your photographer and videographer ❐ Reserve a caterer, if you are using one ❐ Book your band and DJ for the reception ❐ Begin trying on wedding gowns ❐ Begin to think about your honey22 ♥ LIMITED WEDDINGS ♥ 2013
moon destination ❐ Order passport, if needed, for a destination honeymoon or wedding ❐ Get your engagement photos taken ❐ Send your engagement announcement into the local paper
bers to do readings at the ceremony ❐ Reserve block of rooms at a hotel for out-of-town guests, if you haven’t done so already ❐ Begin thinking about what type of invitations you would like
8 to 9 months before ❐ Finalize your guest list ❐ Send out “save-the-date” reminders, if you are using them ❐ Book your wedding day transportation ❐ Reserve a florist ❐ Take some time with your fiance to register for wedding gifts. Remember to choose items in a variety of price ranges and have fun ❐ Reserve your wedding day transportation ❐ Buy your dream wedding gown ❐ Decide on hotel room accommodations for out-of-town guests ❐ Meet with your officiant
4 to 5 months before ❐ Order or make your wedding invitations ❐ Compile hotel information for out-oftown guests to be sent with invitations ❐ Make any necessary wedding day appointments such as hair, nails or massage. ❐ Book a venue for the rehearsal dinner, if you are using a location such as a restaurant ❐ Order wedding favors, if you are buying them ❐ Choose and purchase your wedding bands ❐ Pick up and schedule gown fittings ❐ Arrange for bridesmaids’ dress fittings or give details to bridesmaids ❐ Shop for each other’s cards and wedding gifts ❐ Choose and purchase something fun for guests to send you off with after the ceremony: birdseed, rose petals, bubbles … ❐ Make final decisions on the wedding cake ❐ Book your honeymoon, if you haven’t already
6 to 7 months before ❐ Reserve wedding day attire for the groom, groomsmen and all males involved in the wedding (don’t forget fathers, grandfathers, ushers and ring bearers) ❐ Decide on bridesmaid gowns and schedule fittings or provide information to attendants ❐ Decide on attire for flower girl ❐ Reserve ceremony musicians or soloists ❐ Reserve any rental items needed for ceremony and reception ❐ Book a bakery and meet with them to decide on a wedding cake ❐ Meet with florist to discuss and decide on wedding day flower arrangements ❐ Ask a special friend or family mem-
3 months before ❐ Pick up your wedding invitations ❐ Address and package your wedding invitations (or send to a calligrapher) ❐ Shop for and purchase gifts for the members of the wedding party ❐ Attend final gown fitting ❐ Purchase accessories such as shoes, evening bag, jewelry and more, if you haven’t done so already (don’t forget to
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make sure everything complements your dress, and of course, remember to practice walking in your shoes) ❐ Provide guest lists to bridesmaids and anyone else hosting a shower for you ❐ Touch base with your officiant ❐ Begin writing the ceremony program ❐ Choose the ceremony programs and make date to have them printed ❐ Begin planning a post-wedding brunch if you are having one 2 months before ❐ Send out your wedding invitations (make sure postage is correct) ❐ Finalize the reception menus ❐ Apply for your marriage license ❐ Plan the rehearsal dinner, including the food selections and seating arrangement ❐ Compile wedding favors, if you are making them ❐ Attend your bridal showers and bachelor/bachelorette parties ❐ Write thank-you notes for showers and parties ❐ Begin maintaining a list of wedding gifts received and send thank-you notes before the wedding if possible ❐ Make sure bridal attendants have their gowns and accessories
1 month before ❐ Meet with the photographer and videographer to discuss your expectations and provide a list of “must-take” shots ❐ Meet or contact the DJ or band to discuss the order of events on the day and provide a list of “do play” and “don’t play” songs ❐ Send out invitations to the rehearsal dinner ❐ Proofread and print the ceremony programs
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❐ Finalize vows, if you’re writing your own ❐ Pick up wedding rings from jewelry store ❐ Create anything special you plan to have to personalize your day such as a slideshow at the reception ❐ Meet with your hairstylist and makeup artist for consultation if needed ❐ Shop for anything you will need on the honeymoon ❐ Make sure wedding party is aware of all duties expected of them (you can provide a timeline for them if it helps) ❐ Meet with ceremony soloists or musicians to rehearse ❐ Meet with florist and discuss delivery times ❐ Order or make table place cards for the reception if you are having a sitdown meal ❐ Finalize shopping for ~ Toasting flutes ~ Ring bearer pillow ~ Flower girl basket ~ Guest book and pen ~ Garter 2 weeks before ❐ If you are having a sit-down dinner, create a seating chart ❐ Prepare a speech for either you or your fiance, or both, to give at the rehearsal dinner, thanking your parents and everyone else for all their love and support ❐ Call any guests who have not replied ❐ Confirm honeymoon reservations ❐ Begin packing for the honeymoon ❐ Touch base with all vendors as needed and provide timeline of the day. ❐ Wrap attendants’ presents and write a note thanking them ❐ Designate someone to watch over the gifts and collect cards as the reception is starting ❐ Arrange for distribution of programs at the ceremony and a seating place card table at the reception site 1 week before ❐ Provide the final head count to the caterer or reception site ❐ Finalize reception details
❐ Finalize seating chart ❐ Determine the order of the receiving line if you are having one ❐ Give seating chart and place cards to caterer or reception hall ❐ Pick up your wedding dress if you haven’t already 1 day before ❐ Get a massage — you deserve it. Also, get a manicure and pedicure while you’re there. ❐ Run any last-minute errands to deliver items to the reception hall or ceremony ❐ Get together an overnight bag for your wedding night and make sure it is delivered to its destination ❐ Make sure all checks are written out for vendors ❐ Make sure groom and groomsmen have picked up their formal wear and tried it on ❐ Attend your rehearsal and rehearsal dinner ❐ Present your parents and wedding party with their gifts ❐ Spend some quality time with family and friends during and even after the rehearsal dinner ❐ Remember to smile and relax Wedding day Congratulations After the wedding ❐ Send thank-you notes within two months of the ceremony ❐ If you were satisfied with their services, write personal thank-you notes to your vendors ❐ Send a marriage announcement to your local paper ❐ Submit all forms involved in changing your last name ❐ Freeze the top layer of your wedding cake to eat on your first anniversary ❐ Have your wedding gown cleaned and preserved. — Compiled by COURTNEY WESTLAKE, for the Herald & Review
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Love is lovelier the second (or third) time around!
WORDS: Donnette Beckett Planning the dream wedding can be fun — especially if it’s the second, or even the third, time around. Personality, not traditions The father may walk the bride down the isle again, but rarely will he pay for another extravagant wedding. For this reason, couples may be paying for the special day themselves. The ceremony and reception can be smaller and more 24 ♥ LIMITED WEDDINGS ♥ 2013
personal. For example, the ceremony may take place at the couple’s new home or at a local park. “The bride and groom are not as concerned with tradition,” said Cindy Deadrick-Wolfer of Events Plus. “They look at what brought them together.” “Typically, the couple is paying for it themselves, so when it comes to the budget, they both want to be involved,” said Jody Cox, owner of An Affair to Remember. The wedding may be smaller, but not
necessarily because of cost, said Deadrick-Wolfer. “It is smaller, because it is more intimate.” Couples emphasize what is important to them during one of the most important days of their lives. For many, family plays a large role. Many couples have their children and parents in the wedding. Unlike the first wedding, a couple may invite just close friends and family. And the bride wore … No matter how many times a bride
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has walked down the aisle, her gown is still the main attraction. People may be cutting back with a second wedding. “But not as much on the dress,” said Julie Camfield of New to You. “They are still going big with the dress.” “So many girls get married the first time at the court house,” said Lee Ann Pickerill, a bridal consultant for Castaways Bridal. “The second wedding becomes the wedding of their dreams.” Many brides will visit consignment shops. To wear someone else’s dress is no longer taboo. The bride knows she can’t blame the end of a marriage on a dress. But older brides beware: today’s dresses may be more revealing than you remember. Many bridal shops can order matching scarves or bolero jackets. Some brides don’t want a traditional bridal gown. “They are just as happy with a motherof-the-bride dress,” Pickerill said.
of friends and family. Although two households will be coming together, a bridal registry may still be needed. Couples may register for gear of a shared hobby instead of dishes and towels. “For the couple who really has everything, the best gift is one that lets them do the giving,” suggests Wedding Channel.com. The couple can register for their favorite charity or a general charity such as GlobalGiving.com that allows the couple to choose from various organizations. You can dance Traditions are personal. The reception may not have a bouquet toss, but might have a band and a first dance. The couple may not cut a cake, but instead share a lobster. For the beginning of the new marriage, many couples will choose not to follow any rules. This time around, the only people they want to impress are each other.
Who needs gifts? With a new spouse comes a new group
♥
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It’s a nice day for a
Green Wedding You can be eco-conscious and still have a great day WORDS: Metro Editorial Services
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hen planning a wedding, there are certain things on the minds of brides and grooms. But an eco-conscious ceremony might not be among those concerns. However, there are easy ways to include “green” practices in your wedding without compromising on style or statement. • Condense. Think about how much time and gas are used driving around to different wedding vendors to coordinate flowers, linens, music, etc. That can contribute to one large carbon footprint simply for your wedding. If a catering hall offers packages that include other elements of the wedding, it may be more affordable and convenient to just go with them. • Move outside. It can take a lot of energy to cool (or heat) a large, indoor reception site. Moving the ceremony and party outside can alleviate some environmental impact due to energy usage.
Choose a picturesque setting to tie the knot. • Give monetary gifts. Wedding guests often fret over what to give the happy couple as a wedding gift. If you purchase something they may not like, it was a wasted trip to the store and the couple will have to return the item or it may end up in the trash. One of the safest and greenest gifts is money. Not sure what denomination to give? Think about at least covering the cost of the wedding dinner. A guest couple can offer
between $100 and $200 for a gift. • Embrace history. If your mother has offered her wedding gown to wear, seriously consider it. Think about how much money you will save and the energy that will be conserved by not having to construct an entirely new gown. Furthermore, a gown from Mom is a sentimental gesture she will no doubt appreciate. • Carpool. Chances are many brides and grooms already employ this tradition on their wedding days. Renting a
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limousine or party bus to transport guests to the wedding saves fuel. • Seasonal flowers. Instead of paying top dollar to have exotic blooms in bouquets and centerpieces, choose flowers that are in season and regional. You can also choose to use fruit in centerpieces. • Use recycled paper. Insist that invitations be printed on recycled paper and skip all of the extra inserts inside of the invite, such as directions, registry cards, etc. Direct guests to your wedding website for the information they need. • Go green on the honeymoon. There are a number of eco-conscious hotels and resorts for newlyweds to choose from. Or honeymoon close to home to cut down on the hassle of flying elsewhere. Couples interested in having an ecoconscious wedding can go green in a number of ways and still make the day unique and special. Furthermore, couples won’t have to compromise their ideals or tastes to achieve a wedding that is green and beautiful.
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Fresh take Follow these hints when choosing floral arrangements WORDS: Metro Editorial Services
C
ouples must make many decisions when planning their wedding, not the least of which is choosing floral arrangements. Some couples have never had to make choices regarding floral arrangements, so it’s understandable if they need some help before making a decision that will likely make a significant impact on the appearance of their weddings. • Go with your own style. Couples should not feel pressured to go with a more traditional style if that’s not something that suits them. Instead, choose a style that most appeals to you, be it neutral or bold colors, formal or more casual arrangements, and so on. Your style
might also reveal a preference for something other than roses, which is perfectly alright. It’s your wedding. • Stay in-season when possible. When choosing a floral arrangement, it’s important to consider when you’ll be getting married and which flowers will be in-season. It’s possible to find most floral varieties all year, but if you choose seasonal flowers, you’ll likely pay less and such flowers will be more readily available and durable.
• Don’t go it alone. The wedding day is going to be busy enough without brides and grooms having to worry about arranging the bouquets. A professional florist, ideally one who has come highly recommended, should be able to work within your budget and produce a visually stunning end product.
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• Consider candles to save money. Many couples hope for a floral centerpiece at each table, but that can prove costly. If the floral budget is somewhat limited, supplement the centerpieces with candles to save some money. The centerpieces likely won’t be as grandiose, but smaller floral arrangements coupled with candles can create a romantic feel. • Stick to the budget. Couples will find it’s very easy to go over budget quickly with regard to floral arrangements. But a good florist should be able to work within your budget and produce an arrangement that’s visually impressive without costing a fortune. Floral terms Before discussing table settings for their weddings, many couples find it helpful to brush up on some floral terminology before visiting florists. It can make you appear more knowledgeable and prepared if you understand what will be discussed and are able to choose what you want. It also helps to ensure your money is being spent in the best way
holder, wired or tied with ribbon. • Crescent: One full flower and a flowering stem wired together to form a slender handle that is held in one hand. • Garden: A centerpiece featuring wildflowers. • Nosegay: Small, round bouquets composed of densely packed round flowers and fill. • Oasis: Specialized foam that is used in bouquet holders and centerpieces to retain water and keep blooms fresh. • Pomander: A flower-covered ball that is suspended from a ribbon. It is often carried by child attendants. • Posies: Smaller than nosegays but similar in design. • Presentation: A bunch of longstemmed flowers cradled in the bride's arms. It's sometimes known as a pageant bouquet. • Topiary: Flowers trimmed into geometric shapes. • Tossing: A smaller copy of the bride’s bouquet to use in the bouquet toss. • Tussy mussy: A small, metallic holder to carry a posy.
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possible. Here are some common and some lesser known florist terms that can be advantageous to know. • Biedermeier: A nosegay arranged tightly with concentric circles of differently colored flowers. The flowers are wired into a holder with only one type of flower in each ring. • Bouquet: A dense bunch of blooms that are kept together in a bouquet
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g n i p p i T poin t Gratuities for wedding vendors a nice touch
WORDS: Metro Editorial Services
T
here’s no better way to say “job well done” to a wedding vendor than by offering a tip. Although tips are not mandatory, they can show a DJ, caterer or another hired helper just how much his or her exemplary service was appreciated. Some vendors include tips in their regular schedule of charges, primarily catering facilities that will be hiring wait and bar staff for the event. Others do not include a gratuity into their charges, so it is up to the customer to provide a tip, if desired. Fifteen to 20 percent is usually customary, according to wedding etiquette experts, and may be adjusted depending on the size of the wedding and the quality of the job done. Businesses that hire out staff, such as a large music and entertainment company or a limousine service, will pay employees a salary. Couples can show those employees they appreciate the job done for the wedding with an additional tip. A catering hall typically has a staff working behind the scenes to keep guests happy. These staff members include coatcheck personnel, a catering manager, kitchen staff and parking attendants. It can be customary to tip these individuals. One dollar per guest is typically sufficient. Or you can choose to individually tip those who went above and beyond. Even though weddings can cost several thousands dollars, and the idea of parting with another dollar can seem monumental, it is important for couples to factor tipping into their overall wedding budgets. Otherwise, they may be asking fam30 ♥ LIMITED WEDDINGS ♥ 2013
ily members or the best man to loan cash for tipping or dipping into the honeymoon fund. It may be necessary to keep about $1,000 to $1,500 available for gratuities alone. It is considered poor etiquette to tip a ceremony officiant. Instead, a donation to the church or a charity can be made. Tipping is entirely up to the couple getting married, but it can be a nice show of appreciation to hard working wedding vendors. Thank-you notes or recommendations are other ways to show appreciation for the services provided and don’t cost a penny.
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Let us help make your day even more Special
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