The Benefits of Hanging Out with the Elderly

It’s as easy to start as asking a question. “Do you remember anything about WWII?” “Where were you when the Berlin Wall fell?” Or “What do you remember hearing about JFK’s assassination?” Without assuming anything about their age, asking about a historical event is an easy place to start a conversation with an elderly person. You could start by asking them about themselves; where they were born, what high school was like, when they met their spouse. But I like starting with a historical element, as it’s something you have some knowledge of from school, but now you can gain some personal knowledge to really bring it home. It brings the conversation to a more intriguing middle ground. It also gives you some chronological context if you decide to ask about their life.

I’ve found it quite enjoyable to hang out with the grandparents of my friends. Typically grandmothers are the most fun; they give the love and interest of your own grandma, but without the quirks that typically frustrate you from your own family. And it’s amazing how genuinely excited they get when you ask a question. I was fortunate enough to have grown up with all four of my grandparents for my whole life, which means that I am able to get to know my familial history, but it also means I’ve heard my grandparents tell all of their favorite stories more times than I could care to.

Last year, I house sat for my friend’s family when they went out of town. In the meantime, my friend’s grandma would come by the house, to grab food and hang out. Nana would say hi, stop and chat for awhile. At first it felt strange hanging out with my friend’s grandma; without any shared familial history, I assumed we wouldn’t have much to talk about. At this time I was starting to watch the old TV show M*A*S*H, and told her how much I was enjoying it. From there, we started talking about the Vietnam war, which led us to World War II. I tried to skirt around the heavier aspects of death by asking about her memories of protests and rations, which was closer to her anyway, having not been fighting the battles herself.

From there, I asked follow up questions which brought her to tell me a great amount of her life story, how she was born in England, lived in Australia for awhile, and eventually got engaged after only one date to her husband of over fifty years. She told me off handedly that she knew Chuck Yeager and his wife quite well. As a big fan of The Right Stuff book and film, I had endless questions for her. We ended up talking every day, often for hours at a time. I realized that I was able to listen to her tell her favorite stories for the first time, which her kids and grandkids were tired of hearing. When my friend and his family came back to town, I found myself making excuses to stop by and say hi to Nana again. Now when I come back from college, I make sure to ask my friend if Nana will stop by sometime.

Since then, I find myself gravitating towards elderly people when I can. I’ve found that it’s often much easier to converse with them than my peers. Typically you can ask just a few questions and they’ll have a number of stories, memories, or thoughts. It becomes easy to simply sit and absorb their thoughts. There’s always something interesting that comes up, be it the brother that died in Vietnam, the old friendship with Al Franken, or going to Disneyland just

a month after opening. Even when encroaching on sensitive topics or opinions I might not personally agree with, practicing my listening skills and questioning abilities allow me to hear what they have to say. As opposed to the faceless bold opinions I see online that I instantly oppose and label as “wrong” and “uninformed,” here I can ask why they feel that way, see how their life has shaped their opinion to be right to them, and understand.

I learn from their life experiences, and prepare myself for the (hopefully) long road of life ahead of me. From health choices to personal experiences, there’s a lot of lessons to glean from the elderly. Society is so quick to cast aside the elderly and label them as out-dated, but it is clear that we need to learn from the past.

I learned a lot from hanging out with Nana. Not only different aspects of major events in history, but the past of my friend’s family life, an in-depth history of Nana’s life, and how to listen. My holding eye contact and asking questions brought her great amounts of joy, nearly as much as it brought me.