God is in Control, But am I Qualified?

God is in Control, but am I qualified?

The other night I received a text at 2 am from my beautiful friend who is from California. She texted me that she needed prayer because she did not feel like she was built to be a young adult leader. I asked her why she felt that way and her response was that she had nothing to offer. There are two quotes that I constantly go back to when I start to think I am not qualified, or I am not worthy. The first quote I shared with her was the things I thought disqualified me from my purpose were the exact things that qualify me. The second quote was walking into your purpose could possibly be one of the biggest weapons we have to heal the broken soul.

I shared with her that whatever ministry we serve in has nothing to do with it. And that I felt the same way she feels when I served in youth, and when I served in young adults and in a women’s book club. But it is God who works through us, and it is through building friendships and speaking His truth that God takes that nothing and makes it something. We have a lot to offer by just being a friend and loving the way Christ loves us. As we step into ministry, we pray that God moves and has His way. If I went by my feelings all the time I would not have gotten any where. Even after the other night texting her and then realizing I am to speak this Sunday was like, Lord what do I say. I haven’t served in ministry since 2019. I have not done anything for the Lord as far as ministry wise. I was thinking I can’t get up there Lord. So the Lord put on my heart, just share your story. So, I will share a small portion of it. In 2020 of March, my cousin Daniel texted me that God was in control. It was a random text with no other detail, he just told me “God is in control”. I said yes, amen, I believe that. Then we started to text and talk about how awesome God is; how amazing it is to be saved and everything. We went into talking about our weapons that we use and how the word of God and worship and praise and fasting and just the full armor of weapons we have available. It was an amazing conversation, just amazing. He ended with saying "Ashley, I just wanted to tell you that God is in control." We said goodnight and soon as we ended out texting my phone rang and it was my ex-husband. The call was not the usual "hey I am on my way home", it was instead, "Ashley I cheated". My world suddenly came to a stop. I said "No you didn’t". He confirmed that he did. We hung up and I was thinking of how I just got done texting my cousin and it was such an amazing time. I looked up and said, “God, you just said you are in control.” Did you know this phone call was about to happen? I was just standing there, and I am like OK… I talk to God a lot and so I told Him well God, you are saying you are in control and I believe that, so whether you are saying you are going to use this for your glory as far as us coming together and you know being big in other marriages, or whatever it is Lord, you are saying you are in control.

I will fast forward here a lot, but I will tell you it did not turn around. In fact, it got worse and worse. It got so bad that at one of the counseling sessions I was there for our marriage counseling, which I went by myself. While I was there, one of the brothers in the church, a close friend went to check on Adrian and I was excited cause I thought maybe this is it. Because in the Bible in Matthew says that if a brother falls in sin and if you win them back. I was thinking, Yes! He is going and he is probably going to feel convicted and repent. But no, actually what happened is I was at marriage counseling and when he went to go knock on the door it was the girl that answered. So yeah, that was fun… Then we went even more downhill. The whole time I was just holding onto God and how He said, He was in control. And so it kept dwindling down to where I just was like Lord, I surrender. Because I don’t see. You know how we say that we walk by faith and not by sight, I thank God for that because if I walked by sight, I don’t think I would ever stand up to walk again. Looking at everything that was unfolding, our marriage was not turning around. I allowed the Lord to do what He was going to do. So now I stand here in 2022 and I am now a fully divorced woman, I am now in school, and do you want to know what I am in school for? Ok I will tell you. I am in school to be a licensed marriage and family therapist.

And I daily, since starting school, I battle with How am I in school to be a licensed marriage therapist and my own marriage did not work. I ruled this out because I am just as human as the next person on battling if we are qualified. So I take you to the faith chapter in the Bible, Hebrews Chapter 11, and encourage you to read and meditate it. I think of all these great people, and I am so thankful for them and their lives because we read all the good stuff. But I know that Moses had anger issues. I know that David committed adultery, but we know he was a man after Gods own heart. I love that God literally takes the people that are not qualified and calls them qualified. It is a blessing that you and I can do that. There is nothing that you and I can do to earn that qualification but it is by our faith. It was their faith and obedience in the Bible. I want to encourage you. It doesn’t matter where we come from or where we are going but it matters what God is going to do through it. I wanted to share just a small portion of my story because I did not think I could do this, but God…

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