Soul Searching

By Julie Stiegemeyer

The last thing I expected from attending a college Bible study thirteen years ago was to come away doubting my salvation. Yet, that evening Bible study in the winter of 1988 created more doubts than reassurance for my fledgling faith. As I sat alone in my dorm room late that night, I wondered about many things. Is my faith strong enough? Are my works good enough? Does God love me?

Granted, I was a thousand miles from home. I missed my family, my friends, and the familiarity of my hometown. But during my freshman year of college, I never expected to have my faith shaken to its core.

In high school, I had attended a youth group with my best friend who was a member of a local Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod (LC-MS) congregation. I played volleyball, went to Bible studies, and even went on two mission trips to Juarez, Mexico with the youth group.

During that time,a vicar and his wife moved to my hometown for his vicarage year to serve at my friend’s congregation. Since I was raised Methodist, I had many questions about the Lutheran church, and Vicar Strawn was always very patient about explaining things to me. Why were Lutherans so serious on Good Friday? Why did they have communion so often? What was the deal with the blue hymnal and those page and hymn numbers?

But the substance of the Lutheran church is what drew me in; the preaching was different. It was about Jesus and His bleeding, dying, and sacrificial love. It was about a Heavenly Father who knew me perfectly, and their son, and loved me enough to call me by name in my baptism. It was about the Holy Spirit coming through means of grace, through God’s Word to us, to me. The purity of this Gospel message, unencumbered by legalistic tag-ons, refreshed my soul. This was substance with meaning and life and beauty. I drew from it the seeds of a liturgical and growing faith.

The Bible study back in 1988 caused a crisis of faith for me.

Afterwards, I floundered for awhile. I began searching for a church that taught God’s Word in purity and truth, proclaiming Jesus as “the way, the truth and the life” (John 14:6a).

Remembering my high school introduction to Lutheranism, I began attending an LC-MS congregation, and soon after went through adult catechesis. Gradually, over time through Lutheran preaching, I began to understand the clear Gospel message that I could trust God’s promises of love and mercy. God loves us through faithful pastors who preach God’s Word. He loves us through the washing of baptismal waters. He loves us through our eating and drinking of His very body and blood.

After my freshman year of college, I transferred to Concordia College in Ann Arbor, MI, where I became grounded in Lutheran teaching. Like a sponge, I soaked up the Lutheran doctrine about the grace and forgiveness of Jesus. There I met my husband who is now a pastor in the Pittsburgh area.

Today, I love teaching the children in our congregation about the acceptance and love of God, and how He comes to us through tangible, visible means to strengthen and sustain us. This is the distinctiveness of the Lutheran church, and this is what drew me in: the clearly proclaimed message of Christ crucified. This was substance I had not heard so clearly preached before, and it built up and nurtured my faith. I was not abandoned by God and left in the fear of my own unworthiness. God’s Word clear and precise. And He clearly promises grace and mercy to lost sinners like me.

Julie Stiegemeyer is a freelance writer who resides in Pittsburgh, PA with her husband the Rev. Scott Stiegemeyer and their son Jacob.