Romance Redeemed

By Elizabeth Meckler

I paced back and forth outside the doors.

I’ve done it again, I thought. I’ve let my anxiety and expectations get the better of me. I’m two feet away, and I can’t get up the courage to go in there. I checked my watch; I had been pacing for half an hour now.

I was there to visit Cory, a 19-year-old who was suffering from injuries sustained while working in construction. I thought he might like to see a familiar face. I felt compelled to go and visit him, yet my resolve wavered. I waited fifteen more minutes for the courage I could never muster; then I left the hospital. I had stood in the hallway for forty-five minutes.

As young women living in a media-driven age, we develop perverted ideas of romance and love. I couldn’t visit Cory because I was imagining romantic scenarios. My focus should have been on Cory and his condition, but it was on what the visit could do for me. Many young women can identify with the longing for a Christian partner and the fantasy of the perfect man, as well as feelings of loneliness. We are caught up in a syndrome which is fueled by sin.

The Syndrome

Admit it girls: as a product of the media we, and countless other women, have been conditioned to believe in and search for an unattainable kind of romantic love. We’ll call it: “My Man Understands Me Implicitly, Never Yells, Resembles a Movie Star and Brings Flowers” Syndrome. To this we must add the continual problem of finding a “Nice Christian Boy.”

Our expectations are formed by media images. Romance, to us, is the plot line of a romantic comedy: boy meets girl, they fall in love, fight, suddenly understand each other, and live happily ever after. However, no relationship is like that, nor should we expect it to be so.

The Sin

I could easily blame the syndrome on the romantic comedies and Chick Lit titles I’ve perused, but they were not the cause of my problem. I repeatedly say, “I’ll rely only on You, Lord. You fulfill all of my needs and I won’t depend on anyone else. I’ll trust that when I’m ready You’ll send me the one You have prepared for me.” Then I begin to worry over the fact that I’m twenty, single, and dateless. I doubt God’s goodness and do not trust in Him. Instead of looking to God, I look to the “dream man” for fulfillment.

Have you been there? The devil tells us we’re unwanted. He latches onto our doubts. We fall deeper into the sin of trying to control what we should be giving to God. The result is we doubt God’s awesome love and make Him a lesser God.

James 1:6-8 says, “But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.” When we ask God to give us the wisdom to deal with our loneliness, we cannot be in doubt of His response. Christ invites us to bring our cares to Him, yet so often we don’t.

The Solution

There was one Man who trusted God fully: Jesus. Imagine how it was for Jesus, knowing that God’s plan for Him included a cruel and violent death at a young age, and yet also knowing that through His death the world would be offered eternal life. Jesus knew and He struggled with facing His death at Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-46), yet He trusted God enough to say, “Rise, let us go! Here comes My betrayer” (verse 46)!

He went to the cross trusting His Father’s will. On the cross He bore our lack of trust and defeated our sins of doubt and self-reliance. Jesus gave Himself over to death and defeated sin, death, and the devil. His resurrection proves it. We are joined to Him through Baptism; His victory is our victory, and His righteousness our righteousness. The Holy Spirit, who comes to us through Word and Sacrament, brings us Christ’s sanctification and cleansing. Through the Holy Spirit working in our lives, we learn to trust in the Lord.

So What?

Some of you may be saying, “I know that already. What does it really have to do with my love life?” Christ’s sacrifice has everything to do with our love lives. We can trust that God will take care of us, no matter what may come. He may even provide us with husbands who are “Nice Christian Boys.” At the same time God is preparing us to be a Wife of Noble Character (Proverbs 31:10-31) and teaching us to have realistic expectations. Our future husbands cannot fulfill our every need. Since God is the center of our lives, His love overcomes those shortcomings. Christ has claimed you as His own. This may mean that you are meant to remain single. Don’t let that scare you. The incredible truth is that God, through Christ Jesus, has fulfilled all of our needs, whether we are married or single. Christ works through His Word and Sacrament to forgive our sins and give us life, and He works through our Christian friends and family to heal our loneliness. Through both the heavenly and the earthly, God shows us His love in our lives.

Elizabeth Meckler is a junior at the University of Iowa majoring in English and history. She attends St. Paul Lutheran Chapel and University Center where she serves as secretary, newsletter editor, and a peer minister. Elizabeth hopes to eventually earn a Masters of Arts in Theology and write for the church. She'd like to say thanks to Pastor Mons for titling this article (and reading it over a thousand times).