Myths about Suicide: Christian Responses to Kids at Risk

By Dr. Beverly Yahnke

Carrie was a really bright girl who always wanted to please everyone. She was a little shy and never really seemed to have a best friend. She wanted to be a teacher someday so that she could help kids. But Carrie’s life story ended prematurely because she committed suicide in her senior year. Her family and community were shocked beyond words. No one had a clue. Everyone felt guilty, certain that they must have missed some signs. Only Carrie’s suicide note allowed a glimpse into her pain. She wrote, “I hate myself, I hate my life and it hurts too much to live.”

How is it possible to feel so depressed, so hopeless, so isolated and unloved that teens could consider ending their lives? Psychologists acknowledge that some teens can feel helpless to respond to their personal pain and may retreat quietly into a private cocoon, deeply wounded, yet keeping the love and genuine care of others at a distance.

According to The Center for Disease Control, suicide is a public health epidemic. It reports that 50 to 80 percent of teens think about suicide when they are in some sort of pain. An unspeakable 8 to 10 percent of teens attempt suicide. As unthinkable as it seems, each year almost five thousand young people end their own lives. Suicide has become the third leading cause of death among those aged fifteen to twenty-four, following only car accidents and homicides.

How can Christians respond to this kind of epidemic? We are called to speak the truth in love to one another.Truth trumps the lies that tempt depressed people to end their lives. Examining the top ten lies, or myths, about suicide equips us to respond to others in need.

1. People who talk about suicide won’t really do it.

Threatening suicide helps us to desensitize ourselves to the horror of the actual act of taking a life. We become numb to the horror of what suicide really is. Many who commit suicide have talked with others about their pain and their plans, only to be regarded as attention seeking or to be thought theatrical.

2. Anyone who thinks about suicide must be crazy.

Fifty to eighty percent of teens aren’t crazy! People who think about suicide have been hurting for a long time and can’t imagine that anything in their lives can become better. That’s not crazy. That’s a horrible lie that has caused hopelessness.

3. Suicide is a good solution.

Wrong. Suicide is a permanent solution for only a temporary problem.

4. Talking about suicide will give someone the idea.

Talking about suicide will allow someone to know that another human being actually cares and wants to help. Talking about suicide prevents teens from thinking grim and dangerous thoughts alone. Talking about suicide allows you to share God’s view of the matter and reaffirm His absolute love for His children.

5. Don’t ask if someone is thinking about suicide.

Ask! It’s one of the most helpful things you can do. It’s import ant to ask, “Are you safe? Have you been thinking about hurting yourself? Have you almost been wishing you were dead?” Ask!

6. It’s wrong to tell a teacher or parent if a friend is thinking about suicide.

Tell! It isn’t violating a confidence or betraying friendship if you tell an adult that a friend is suicidal; it’s saving a life.

7. Suicide will let me punish those who have hurt me.

Some who commit suicide imagine, “This’ll teach ‘em.” The only thing suicide teaches is that destruction of life is tragic. Suicide doesn’t mean you win. It means you’ve lost everything.

8. No one will ever appreciate me until I’m gone.

Get over the fantasy. Funerals aren’t about appreciating the dead. Appreciation is what one living person gives to another living person. Burial is what we give the dead.

9. God doesn’t care or I wouldn’t be suffering like this, so I don’t care either.

Talk to your pastor; he will listen to the burdens of your heart. Then listen to your pastor as he talks with you about the most difficult questions people have asked for centuries. “Why me? Why now? Why this? Why is God punishing me? Why won’t God answer my prayers?” Your pastor will hear your fear, doubt, hurt, and despair and invite you to take possession of God’s own life as you receive absolution, prayer, and blessing.

10. No one can help; there’s no point in living.

Wrong! Psychologists, physicians, and counselors can help enormously. Tell a teacher, pastor, or school counselor just how awful you’ve been feeling. You won’t hear words of judgment; you’ll find rescue and remedy. If you or someone you know is feeling like there’s no point in living, caring adults will be eager to provide real help and real hope. The truth of the matter is that once you share your honest feelings, you’ll already notice an immediate sense of relief. You’ll no longer be alone in the midst of all of the hurt. Friends make sure that depressed and worried friends get help.

We can all take comfort and reassurance during difficult times from the words of our Lord. “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world ”(John 16:33 ESV).

Dr. Beverly Yahnke is Executive Director of Christian Counseling Services in Milwaukee. She is a member of Elm Grove Evangelical Lutheran Church in Elm Grove, Wisconsin.