If Salvation Were a Reality Show...

By Rev. Tim Pauls

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

[Music fades]

Bob: And . . . we’re back! Welcome to Tentatio, the reality show that pits your favorite church heroes against each other. CJ, bring us up to date!

CJ: Thanks, Bob.We’ve whittled down the pack to three, and the surviving trio is a strong group. John and Jacob had a great day yesterday, but the judges were not impressed with Martin, and he’s trailing.

Bob: Ho-ho! You can say that again, CJ. Martin had to spend the night in the penalty cell, sleeping on a straw mat. Great sense of humor though: this morning, he simply shrugged and said it was just like the old days. Ha-ha!

CJ: I don’t think he was kidding, Bob.

Bob: Huh. Anyway, it looks like our contestants have arrived at today’s challenge, “The Pit and the Platform.” Let’s go down to our field reporter. Shelly, what’s going on?

Shelly: Thanks, Bob. The three competitors are getting their first look at today’s obstacle. Far above them is that “Platform of Salvation,” way out of reach, and directly below it is the gaping “Pit of Doom.” It’s very deep, very dark, and very smelly. Eww! You don’t want to be down there!

CJ: Shelly, what’s the plan?

Shelly: Each one has to reach the “Platform of Salvation” in a way consistent with his doctrine of justification. This is the greatest test to date. Someone’s not going to make it.

Bob: Shelly, how do the competitors look?

Shelly: Well, Bob, Jacob is psyched! You can see he’s just itching for the horn to sound. John is studying the situation thoughtfully. They don’t call him the Genevan Genius for nothing, you know!

CJ: What about Martin?

Shelly: He’s a tough read. The Wittenberg Wonder suffered a big setback in points yesterday when our contestants were challenged to demonstrate the form of highest worship to God. Jacob took solid control of the lead. The Dutch Decider was hot yesterday! John did okay, but Martin nearly fell off the board when he asked where he might make private confession and then meditated on the psalms. He needs a comeback!

Bob: There’s the horn for “The Pit and the Platform!” No one’s making a move yet, but John and Jacob are having quite the conversation.

CJ: Now Martin’s joined in, and—oh! Now he’s walking away. Shelly caught him for a quick word, and . . . no, he’s into the underbrush! Shelly, what is going on?!

Shelly: John and Jacob are having quite the disagreement! John is saying that it’s time to stay still: whether or not he gets onto the platform or into the pit is out of his hands—that it’s not his choice to make.

Bob: And Jacob?

Shelly: Completely opposite! He’s adamant it’s his choice to make and determined to make it onto the platform.

CJ: And Martin? It looks like he said something to you before he disappeared.

Shelly: Just for a moment, CJ. He spoke briefly to the other two, and as divided as they are otherwise, they told him in unison, “That makes no sense at all!” I mean, it just popped out of their mouths simultaneously.

Bob: Shelly, what did Martin say to you?

Shelly: Funny thing, Bob. He sort of growled, “We’re starting in the wrong place” and went off into the woods. I don’t know where he is.

CJ: Bob, something’s happening. Jacob appears to be yelling at the platform. Can you make it out?

Shelly: Sorry to interrupt, but I can. I believe he’s yelling, “I choose the platform! I accept it as my own!”

Bob: Interesting. CJ, does the platform appear to be any closer to Jacob? He sounds sincere.

CJ: No, Bob, it’s still out of reach.

Bob: Huh. And what is John up to?

Shelly: Bob, John is writing up a list of rules to provide structure while he awaits-

CJ: Look! Martin’s back! He’s been busy too! It looks like he’s fashioned a ladder out of vines and sticks. Wow! The other two have nothing to show so far, and Martin’s got a ladder! But is it enough? Shelly! You just spoke to him again!

Shelly: And I asked him exactly that, CJ. I said, “Is that enough ladder to reach the platform?” and he said, “It’s enough to get the job done.” He said it kind of weird though.

Bob: How is he going to get it up there? Jacob and John must be wondering too; they’re standing next to each other, and look, Jacob’s smile—oh! Here we go, Martin’s getting ready to throw the ladder. He’s really going to put everything he’s got into it and . . . and . . .

CJ: WOW! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!

Bob: He just . . . he just . . .

CJ: He just threw the ladder into the pit! And when Jacob lunged for it, he knocked himself and John into the pit! What a game-changer! Martin has vanquished his opponents to the Pit of Doom! He’s at the edge to survey his handiwork, and—wha-?

Bob: HE JUST JUMPED IN TOO! ALL THREE CONTESTANTS ARE IN THE PIT! Shelly, what . . . ?

Shelly: I have no idea! Let’s drop a mic down and listen in.

[Static] Jacob: Martin, what have you done?

Martin: Me? It’s your own fault that you’re down here, chasing that silly ladder.

John: Ach! I guess I was meant to be here. I did not see this as the end.

Martin: This isn’t the end. Well, it could be. But it’s where we should have started. Originally.

Jacob: “Should have started?!” But we can’t get out! Your little ladder is useless! Now we’ve got to wait for somebody else to rescue us.

Martin: Exactly. I couldn’t have said it better myself. But St. Paul did in Romans 3:20–24...

[Music swells] Bob: Back soon!

Rev. Tim Pauls is the associate pastor at Good Shepherd Lutheran Church in Boise, Idaho, and the editor of Higher Things. He can be reached at pauls@higherthings.org; and if you’d like to do a little more research, the last names of the three contestants above just might be Calvin, Arminius, and Luther.