Unplanned Parenthood and the Abundance of God’s Grace

By Karina Pellegrini

At the age of 18 I, like any other young adult, was ready to take on the world. I had planned on college, and after that a career. I had aspirations that ranged from being a teacher to becoming a deaconess; I really just wanted to serve the Lord in all of my work. I vividly remember my parents hugging me while I proudly held up stacks of acceptance letters to colleges around the country. I had planned on moving out. I wanted a taste of the independence that my friends all seemed to have. I filled my Pinterest boards with apartment renovation ideas and dorm room decorations. I had it all figured out. But there was a life that my parents didn’t know about—a sinful, darker and deceptive life. What I hadn’t planned on was being caught.

I can’t think of a gentle way to describe the shock that goes through the mind of a very young, unmarried woman when she discovers she’s pregnant. For me, it was a mixture of fear and shame and guilt. Those feelings were dramatically increased when I realized that at some point, everyone around me would see my sin. The secret would be out. I couldn’t continue to lie. People from all parts of my life would soon know what I had done. And I would have to answer those prying and sin exposing questions for the rest of my life.

I remember in particular, as I sat in shock and stared at that blue plus sign, I felt so alone, and sinful beyond repair. I feared rejection and abandonment. I wondered if there could be redemption for my soul. In shame and humility, I reluctantly confided in my dad. The sinful lies I had worked so hard to cover up were finally being exposed. I knew I deserved nothing but punishment and rebuke for my actions. Yet, throughout it all, my father’s words of wisdom and grace cut through the overpowering sense of helplessness.

He said, “Your God is with you. Even in your sin, He loves you. Your remorse and fear indicate His law is at work in your heart and His forgiveness is immediate. In Christ, forgiveness is yours, freely given. God’s love for you in Christ is timeless. He will never abandon or forsake you, no matter what you do to deny His will for you. Christ made the sacrifice for your sin. You are washed clean by His blood and right now, right here, you are white as snow. You are sinless. You are renewed and reborn. So let’s focus on tomorrow and the new you in Christ redeemed by his abundant grace.”

So what about now…as a single mom, but one redeemed and renewed by Christ’s love and forgiveness? Well, life is harder—much harder than I could have ever imagined when I shortsightedly planned my college and career while living a double life. I’m now often uncomfortable in social situations, scared of the judging eyes and the possibility of unwanted comments from people who raise their eyebrows at me. I experience emotions I didn’t know I could possibly feel on a daily basis. They are so intense sometimes that they leave me feeling hollowed out. Sinful regret comes in waves every day when I encounter people and things that remind me of my sin. My body is no longer the body of a young teenager; it has been changed by pregnancy. My mind does not possess the carefree attitude or innocence it once did. I am often riddled with anxiety, depression, and guilt. Along with this, I have lost my perspective of self. The first thought when I wake and the last thought when I sleep is of my son: his safety, his well-being, and my powerful love for him. Some days he reminds me of my past, but more often than that he is a consistent reminder of God’s grace, mercy, and forgiveness in my life.

My son continues to grow, with his newfound independence and curiosity and I see myself learning right beside him. He has tested my patience, my resolve, and my sanity, especially when I’ve had to operate on three hours of sleep without coffee. He has shown me just how quickly I can forgive, how strong my love is and how it is possible for that love to grow with every passing day. My responsibility as a mother spans beyond keeping my son physically safe, however. At his birth I became responsible for raising my son in the Word and Sacraments of God, teaching him the words of Christ crucified and the salvation that is freely given at the font. Even now, I see the work of the Holy Spirit in him. When he bows his head to pray or brings me his Bible to read before bed, I can see his faith is alive and growing. All glory be to God that it is so! The exponential joy I feel far outweighs the pain I felt, and the tears that were spilled don’t compare to the smiles and laughter I share with him daily.

I speak from experience when I say that being a single teen mother is not easy. But through an unplanned pregnancy and motherhood, the Lord has shown me that even my best attempts to condemn myself are futile. He has taken my sin and never stops blessing me. He wraps me in Christ’s forgiveness and love, in absolution and grace. In the very midst of my sin, guilt and shame, my God, who is ever faithful to His baptismal promises, gave me the gift of repentance and showered me with countless blessings— gifts that He freely gives my parched soul. He is the master of taking our evil and turning it into blessing. He did it on the cross. He did it in my life. Through God’s mercy, despite my sin, I was blessed with the gift of a son.

Karina Pellegrini is a member of Messiah Lutheran Church in Marysville, Washington.

Editor’s note: A previous version of this article first appeared as HT web content.