Religion vs. Relationship: A Dangerous Dichotomy

By Kelly Klages

It’s been a rallying cry in many Christian circles for some decades now: “Christianity isn’t about religion, it’s about relationship!” It pops up in different contexts. Sometimes it’s thought of as an evangelistic slogan that might attract the interest of unbelievers who have already expressed a dislike for “organized religion.” Often it is used as a weapon against other churches: “Those people are all about dead ritual, dogma, and putting God in a box, but not us! We have a real, living relationship with God.” Regardless of the motives of those making the claim, it has the potential to do real harm. Here are some reasons why:

It uses a self-defined concept of religion not recognized by the Bible, church history, or even the dictionary.

The meanings of words matter. Religion has to do with a set of beliefs about God or ultimate questions, recognized by a community engaging in regular rites and practices, and the way that worldview and its morality plays out in a person’s life. Christianity is a religion—the true religion. To define “religion” in general as “a bunch of hypocrites going through boring, empty motions without real faith” or “people trying to work their way to heaven” is to concede to an unbeliever’s hostile and biased definition of religion.

Downplaying “religion” has not helped Christianity in North America over the last several decades.

Some Christians have thought that if they act as though they hate religion as much as unbelievers, they’ll win them to their side somehow. But have these semantic tricks worked? Of course not. Unbelievers have responded with, “You hate religion? Good, so do I– including yours.” Christians who insult “religion” are merely despised by unbelievers as dishonest fools. Religion as a category has found increasing disfavor in North America in the last several decades. Religious rights are viewed with more and more suspicion in the secular square. Tragically, Christians themselves are to blame for giving the word “religion” a bad name.

Among Christians, “religion vs. relationship” is really an American sales pitch.

In 19th- and 20th-century America, amidst its so-called revivals and the ecumenical movement, Christians began looking for membership for their churches not from the unbelieving world, but from other churches who might want to try a different experience. Revivalism set aside concerns about doctrinal unity in favor of the biggest tent, the most thrilling and entertaining speakers, and the most emotionfilled atmosphere. These consumerfocused concerns became the marks of a desirable church, rather than the faithfulness of the Gospel message preached and the right administering of the sacraments. We can see this influence well into the 21st century. It has created a cafeteria-style Christianity that would be unrecognizable to centuries of Christians. Rather than bringing unbelievers into the church, “religion vs. relationship” as a sales pitch merely tells some Christians that their churches aren’t good enough because they’re insufficiently emotionbased, and tempts believers to favor a weaker Christianity.

Relationship without religion becomes whatever I make it.

For believer or unbeliever, the word “relationship” tends to be a comfortable one. Relationships can be highly individualistic, self-determined, and private. They make us think of nice, warm feelings, happy and informal bonds, and good times. Religion, on the other hand, takes self-determination out of our hands. It is much bigger than we are. It involves a community of people, including millennia of those who have gone before us. It is not a self-chosen country club for family and social programs or a way to enjoy personal nostalgia. It cannot be merely informal or private.

Defining Christianity exclusively in terms of relationship over and against religion has led to the label of “spiritual but not religious.” The net effect of this is that people make up and define their own truth about God. They may like the idea of the happy, comfortable, informal bond, but not the connotations of a transcendent, absolute truth, suffering, or obligation. And anyway, who are you to butt in on anyone else’s private relationship?

There is a better way.

It is true that Christianity is a unique religion. Because of Jesus’ gift of salvation and forgiveness, freely given by grace, we have something that can be found nowhere else. Christianity is God reaching out to save man, not man trying to figure out a way to reach God.

But to pretend that what we have isn’t religion at all would be both dishonest and harmful to the soul, which is in need of more than a cosmic buddy to hang out with. All human beings have some sort of relationship to God, good or bad. But that needs to be defined through the unchanging Word of God, and fleshed out and supported in the communion of saints—the Church. And that means we’re talking about religion.

It’s not that the Bible is anti-relationship when it comes to God. We stand in relation to God in many different ways. Do you know someone who struggles with understanding what it means for God to be their Father? You can point him to the Lord’s Prayer, explaining how our Creator desires us to come to Him with all our wants and needs as children ask a dear father. Or, what does it mean that Jesus is our Brother? You can direct him to Hebrews 4, which explains that Christ is the God who took on our flesh, understands all of our temptations and weaknesses, and has mercy on us.

A relationship with God isn’t experienced by trying to work ourselves up into a state of strong feeling, hoping to sense spiritual vibes that prove God loves us. Nor is it looking to our own works to sustain a bond with an invisible friend. It is the daily walk of faith, the receiving of His Word and gifts, the worship with saints on earth and saints in heaven, speaking to God in prayer, and service to our neighbors.

In other words, relating to God through Jesus Christ is what true religion is all about!

Kelly Klages is an artist, writer, and member of the Lutheran Church-Canada. She lives in Morden, Manitoba with her husband Alex and her children Ana, Micah, and Timothy.