romantici23d

WITH POPULAR MEDIA ROMANTICIZING GRADUATION, STUDENTS SHOULD ACKNOWLEDGE ANXIETY, DOUBT ABOUT FUTURE

As an eager but anxious freshman, I had a picturesque idea of how I would feel as a senior in high school—self-assured, comfortable in my own skin and secure about what I wanted to achieve in life. As graduation looms closer, my current state could not deviate further from my “ideal” self. This is not to downplay my personal and academic growth since freshman year, but I feel a great deal of dread and panic upon the thought of graduating high school.

In the frenzy of college applications, extracurriculars and social life, I have not completely registered the reality that this chapter of my life is coming to a close. I’m anxious that I’m not ready to live out on my own, decide what career I want to pursue and the kind of life I want for myself. Although I feel them intensely, I can’t help but think these feelings of uneasiness are “wrong” to have. Movies I had idolized growing up have contributed this idealized carefree version of myself that I feel obligated to embody before graduation.

As a kid, I adored “A Cinderella Story,” starring Hilary Duff. The typical cookiecutter high school story of the “invisible girl” who gets the guy, the movie ends with Duff’s character graduating high school and attending her dream college, Princeton. At the end of the movie she has fully formed into a confident, capable young woman. Her feelings of inadequacy about herself and what the future holds eroded as she got the guy and stood up to her vile stepmom.

To my 8-year-old self watching the movie in awe, the ending seemed to imply that after Duff’s character graduated, her life would be filled with ease and steadiness. For years I waited in anticipation to feel that rooted in myself, that achieving the milestone of graduation would dispel all my insecurities and obstacles.

Unlike the smooth character arc from timid to assured in Duff’s character, my experience in high school felt anticlimactic. Personally, I’ve felt like the setbacks I’ve had mental health-wise over the past four years made me feel drastically behind my peers in terms of accomplishments and grades. In desperation to “catch-up” and achieve that everlasting sense of confidence, I was quick to bottle my undesirable feelings of anxiety and doubt. This led me to constantly berate myself for not fitting the flawless mold I had envisioned. Looking back, I realized I wasn’t allowing myself to feel lost and confused, meaning I was stripping myself of the opportunity to be honest about what I wanted and find what makes me feel fulfilled.

If things didn’t go the way you expected these past four years, not only is that OK, but it is completely normal and more common than you think. Don’t let the media’s romanticized version of graduation make you feel inadequate for having doubts about your future. As we head into graduation and this next phase of our lives, make space for the uncertain.