EVOLUTION OF AN ARTIST by Rachel Hogan

EVOLUTION of AN ARTIST

FINDING ANSWERS IN SEASONS OF SILENCE

Words: Rachel Hogan

Natalie Manuel Lee is a dynamic creative: a stylist, television host and journalist. We first met in 2018 when I was content producing on the Hillsong Channel docuseries Now with Natalie.

She’s always stylish, quick-witted and curious, even when she’s just gotten off a 17-hour flight. Coming straight from the airport, her hair was flawlessly slicked back, and standing at just above five feet, she still manages to absolutely rock a floor-length overcoat. Nat surveyed her new colleagues and environment, ready with genuine compliments and insightful questions.

As we laboured over scripts, she’d study my blank face and conclude, “You hate it”.

“No, not at all!” I’d respond, puzzled. We quickly realised that things can get lost in translation when you mix chilled and artsy Aussies with vivacious and vocal Americans.

One of the things I appreciate about Natalie, is that no matter who you are, she seeks to honestly understand you and to be understood by you. That was the beginning of a wonderful friendship and working partnership. We recently caught up on video call....

Natalie and Rachel Hogan on location shooting NWN Season 2, specifically the Interview with Kristin & Danny Adams in LA 2019 Natalie and Jerry Lorenzo (brother and founder) at a Fear of God shoot .

Rachel: I don’t know if you remember, when we’d just done our first interview shoot for season two of Now with Natalie, you started sharing with us about when you first came to LA.... were preparing me for what God had for me. I love sharing that because looking back on it, I don’t think I would have thought this could have been my life today.

Natalie: Oh, that was a rough season, and I think it’s important to highlight the word season. Because when I was in that space of moving to LA, I felt like it was going to be that way for the rest of my life. I lived with a friend, on her couch, in a studio apartment. I was working odd jobs and hosting at a restaurant. I had such a sense of urgency to move to LA, but I didn’t know why. I remember not having much from a financial standpoint and even just a physical standpoint. I had a car and that’s about it. Granted, I had family that lived here and I come from a family that is financially stable, but I was not stable.

I remember the Holy Spirit uttered to me, ‘this is a season where you’re going to lean on your heavenly Father, not your earthly father.’ As much as that season was so hard, I was formed and shaped. As much as it felt like it was never ending, my life had just begun from the relationship that I built with God because I had no other choice. It’s not like all my dreams came true in the first two years in LA, it was the complete opposite, but those years Rachel: You come from a family of very creative, successful people who’ve each carved out their purpose. How did you find your creative space and your purpose over that season?

Natalie: I always say that I found my creativity, purpose, and gift from obedience. I essentially didn’t know what I wanted to do. I knew I loved fashion and culture and I obviously have a heart for Christ. I was doing these odd jobs and I was styling different video shoots with my brother (Jerry Lorenzo) who’s now the founder of Fear of God [American Luxury Streetwear label].

I moved to LA and was hustling these odd end jobs thinking that I’m doing it for provision, but God had a bigger plan to expose my gift to me. It just kind of unveiled and it’s still unfolding.

Rachel: In that season where your brother Jerry formed Fear of God and you became a key part of that team — how did that feel? A question I’ve heard

you ask people is, ‘Did you feel like you made it?’

Natalie: No, I just knew I had to do it. I didn’t feel like I had made it at all. But you have to remember Fear of God was not ‘Fear of God’. When he asked me, it was in his back house, just him and I — he’s ideating ideas to me. I knew I had to help my brother carry his cross. We were piling clothes in the back of his car, going into different shoots, knowing that there was a bigger purpose beyond what was happening in that moment. So no, didn’t feel like I ‘made it’, but I felt like I was in my purpose because, once again, it was an act of obedience.

I had no idea that it was gonna be what it is today, but that’s a testimony to my brother, his conviction, his hard work and his dedication. I had to humble myself and serve my brother and do whatever he needed me to do. That’s what it was.

Rachel: That’s relevant for a lot of creatives — partnering with people you love and serving someone else’s vision can be complicated. What kind of things were you doing for Fear of God? coffee, setting up his office, being one of the key stylists that he has on those shoot days, doing the fittings, looking at all the things that he’s ideating, just being in the background and giving my two cents when he asked. It wasn’t necessarily me always giving my two cents. Don’t think you’re too big for any task, because you will learn the things you need to learn, even if it’s going to get coffee or whatever, there’s still a lesson in all of that.

Rachel: So, you came to a point where you felt like God was leading you away from that, but not necessarily into anything specific. That probably sounds like a crazy leap to anyone on the outside.

Natalie: That was challenging because I didn’t have the next step in place, but I felt God saying, ‘It’s time to transition out.’ I’m like, ‘Well wait, I still want to be a part of it — I still want to be able to style shoots’.... When you are in something seven days a week, from 7:00 a.m. to midnight, it is a part of you. It felt like a death. In that death something new was being born, but it’s very hard to see that when you’re in it. It’s like, ‘What else could there be?’

faith. I knew that I had this gift of cross-referencing entertainers, their purpose and their trials. Growing up with my dad being a professional athlete, we were already thrust into the industry when I was born. So, for me this is all I knew. Rachel: Coming into Now with Natalie, you’d come from the styling space where you were often behind the scenes and with someone else’s brand, to then your name and your face being out there. What was that like?

Natalie: Humbling, because I was so used to serving, and so having other people serve me felt awkward. But then I also had to do some inner healing and be introspective as to why that was uncomfortable for me. That was something that I had to work through — understanding, ‘Hey, you are worthy of this, and God wouldn’t have given it to you if you weren’t.’ That was a great season of my life because I didn’t know that I didn’t feel worthy, until I didn’t.

Rachel: Have you ever struggled to separate the public Now with Natalie persona and the private person, Natalie Manuel Lee? Do you think they should be separate?

Natalie: Yes and no. I realized there are certain things that shouldn’t come out in the public that maybe I’m working through internally...but then I always vocalise it whenever I feel led because I believe the greatest way to serve is to tell your story. So to answer your question, maybe I do and maybe I don’t, because Now with Natalie is a platform for people to speak their truth. And so, if I’m asking people to speak their truth, I need to be able to do the same. What you see is what you get, but of course there’s a fine line of your private life going out to the public.

Rachel: I think vulnerability, like suffering, is something that does fuel art. But there is a line sometimes.

Natalie: Authenticity will always have someone’s ear. Authenticity will always win someone’s heart. Jesus was authentic. So, I believe that even in our art and through our creativity, on whatever platform we have, authenticity is really the only way to go. I got a lot of work to do, but I think the beauty is in sharing our struggles and our lessons through our creativity and art. We will always be in purpose and we will always have something to contribute when we contribute our story.

Myles Munroe has this beautiful quote that to find your purpose, you find a problem and become the solution. The problem was, we don’t have enough entertainers really speaking about their truth.

In that in-between stage of me feeling really depressed with letting the old die and the new enter, I had an identity crisis. I was like, ‘Who am I? What am I supposed to do with my life?’ And then I realized, ‘Wait a minute. This is stuff that we all deal with.’ As a generation, our identity is built on putting our value in our work, our job title, the money we have, the cars we drive and we need to highlight this. So, that is where Now with Natalie was birthed, but there was a big gap. I would still go back to style and stuff here and there, but it wasn’t my everyday thing and God used that lonely period to prepare me for what was next. Rachel: It does seem like suffering fuels purposeful and profound art. Do you think it’s necessary to suffer? Natalie: I do. But it’s hard to swallow that pill because no one wants to suffer. Thank God we have hope and that perspective to hold on to, so that we can embrace the suffering. I do believe that great art can be produced from hardships, but that’s pretty much for anybody right? Our product is only as good as our journey. Lessons really only come from difficulties. We’re not learning a lesson if we’re jolly, we’re learning a lesson because it’s a hardship that’s producing something we didn’t know we needed to produce. In 2017, mutual friends introduced Natalie to Hillsong Channel’s Director of Programming, Ben Field. A partnership was sparked and ‘Now with Natalie’ began to take formation.

Authenticity will always have someone’s ear. Authenticity will always win someone’s heart. Jesus was authentic. So, I believe that even in our art and through our creativity, on whatever platform we have, authenticity is really the only way to go.

Rachel: Your story has taken a different turn now. Obviously, there’s been a pandemic. You had a beautiful baby girl, MaeJones. You’re doing interviews and finding your feet in a new space. How’s it been?

Natalie and husband, Brian Lee, with their daughter MaeJones postpartum.’ I just put my head down and started crying, I was like, ‘I knew it.’ And so from there, I got help. I am so for getting help with therapists or whatever you need. I am a firm believer that we need prayer and faith, but God has also equipped people to help us through seasons.

Rachel: Would you say your identity and your purpose are fluid, evolving? You’ve worn different hats: stylist, mum, journalist...is that hard, having that shift?

Natalie: The first couple months were rough. I went through postpartum depression and I still have waves of it now. But once again, it goes back to your identity being rocked. Before, the only responsibility I had was to be a wife to Brian and whatever work obligations I had. But now it’s a whole human being that is reliant on you and your body. All my certainty has now become uncertain. She’s about to be nine months next week so we’re finally getting in the groove of things, but once you get in the groove there’s always something new. You’re always on your toes, and we were always on our toes before, Brian and I — because we are creatives and entrepreneurs, but it’s just different. That’s just keeping it 100 with you. It was really rough in the beginning. I thought, ‘I’m just tired so this is the norm, you’re just a tired mom,’ but with that was accompanied heaviness. I thought that weight was just what came with it, but I was battling with postpartum. My doctor diagnosed it. She looked so intensely in my eyes and was like, ‘Are you talking to somebody? You’re suffering with Natalie: It can be because it’s not stable, but I also know what my desires are. My evolution as a mom is just beginning. My evolution as a journalist/ conversationalist is just beginning. I’ve done work outside of Now with Natalie, but I probably wouldn’t have gone after those different things until I did Now with Natalie. So for me, it’s evolving in those specific areas, as opposed to pushing them aside. It’s building who I am and growing in those areas as opposed to saying, ‘Oh, there’s too many hats.’ I think your purpose is not in just one lane. If God’s given you gifts, there’s a reason and there’s a reason why He’s placed you wherever you are. So if anything, it makes me feel more purposeful. Rachel: We’ve explored a lot of the struggle. But in your journey, your show, your styling and your art in general, what has been the greatest joy?

Natalie: Obviously MaeJones and my husband Brian, but also seeing the effects that authenticity and transparency have on people. You can second guess wanting to put your art out or be vulnerable, but to see it pierce somebody’s heart the way it was intended to...it’s a different level. It’s like, ‘Thank you, God, for giving me the courage to put that out there.’

Someone saying, ‘I needed this, you have no idea,’ — that shows how far your story, your art, your honesty and your transparency can go. So for me, aside from my family, what gives me the greatest joy is understanding that my work has impacted somebody because of my act of obedience.