This question could help reduce stress...

By Antony Chatham

It may sound too simplistic if we hear someone suggest that an effective way to deal with stress is to ask, "Whose business is it?" As simple as it sounds, this question has helped people reduce stress. There are three types of businesses, as Dr. Bernie Siegel mentioned in his book, No Endings Only Beginnings. The first is "God's business": how bad is the weather today? I cannot control it; it is not my business.

The second is "others' business": how my boss thinks about the employees is not my business; I cannot control it.

The third is "my own business": how I deal with my children, my spouse or my parents is my choice. I can control my approach and modify them to make the relationship less stressful. Understanding "my business" is already downsizing my stress. There is a saying, "Do not absolutely, positively be responsible for everything which happens around you. It is my job. (Signed by) God." This approach can weed out some unwanted stress in our lives. When people complain about the weather, politics, or the condition of the world we are in, they waste their time and energy. Avoiding such complaints can reduce the stressful energy around us.

Those who tend to "other's business" are often stressed at the cost of their own health. Once, the American Cancer Society tried to find out if there is really a cancer-prone personality.

- God

Even though there is no conclusive answer to the question, many studies have indicated that there are some traits that can be associated with cancer: those prone to anger, resentment, or hostility to others; those who repress positive and negative emotions; those who take on themselves extra duties and responsibilities, even at their own risk; who are negative and pessimistic; people who are easily depressed or hopeless; people who often worry excessively about others; people who feel the need for approval and to please others, and the like. (Andrew Goliszek, Mind-Body Health, and Healing). We may be able to weed out a lot of stress in our lives if we can mind "my own business."

We need to deal with "our business."

Anyone who receives a major diagnosis feels stressed. Anyone who loses a relationship to death or divorce feels stressed. Anyone who loses a job unfairly feels stressed. Anyone who is overcome with the aftereffects of a trauma feels stressed. Anyone who is overwhelmed with toxic emotions like anger, fear, guilt, or shame feels stressed. Anyone who finds their life to be meaningless feels stressed. Can we ignore stress because it seems to be an integral part of life?

It is "our business" to control and manage our stress. If we cannot change our response to the stressors, even if we feel they are to be expected, we will find ourselves in a continual fight-orflight reaction. This situation can cause serious health consequences, including high blood pressure, digestive disorders, or bacterial or viral infections.

Mind and body are closely connected. Some people deal with it by blaming themselves for their stress; some people ignore them because they feel helpless. However, numerous studies have suggested many effective stress management methods: eliciting a relaxation response through meditation, music, or yoga, introducing positive thinking, utilizing the benefits of the "placebo effect," employing social support, supporting health with spirituality, meditation, prayer, and so on.

Reframe Stress.

Dealing with stress effectively is "our business." Therefore, another strategy that can be employed is reframing stress. Stress is not what is coming to us from the outside but is our reaction to what is happening outside around us. The stress really is not the overbearing boss; it is not the ill-behaved children, it is not the intrusive aging parents, it is not the betraying spouse, it is not the loss of money; it is one's interpretation of what is happening around us that creates stress. If we consider stress to be the outside stressors, then we become victims. And victims are helpless. On the other hand, if it is our reaction to the situation, we have more control over it. If we change our interpretation from "my boss wants to hurt me," or "my children will never give me peace," or "my parents will never leave me alone," or "my spouse does not really love me," into something like, "I can either change the attitude of my boss or find a new job," "I know that my children will someday realize my unconditional love for them," "I love my parents but am not going budge to their controlling behavior," or "I will still try to improve my relationship with my spouse," our stress experience also will change accordingly.

Antony Chatham, LCSW, M.Th., M.Phil., MSW

Antony Chatham is a Psychotherapist at Hippocrates Wellness. Aligning with the unique needs of the Hippocrates guests Antony has developed some effective therapeutic techniques drawing inspiration from Eastern and Western traditions of holistic healing. His unique approach integrates the knowledge and experience related to the fields of psychology, social work, philosophy, theology, and ministry.