Positive Attitudes - HIV Anonymous by Reggie Smith

HIV ANONYMOUS POSITIVE ATTITUDES We would like additional personal stories to complement the second edition of this manuscript. To submit a story for review, visit the HIV Anonymous website at http://www.hivanonymous.com/classifieds.html or send a hard copy and (preferably) a computer disk file to: HIV Anonymous, Inc. 129 W. Canada San Clemente, CA 92672

Copyright 1993 All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.

RESPONSIBILITY — SELF-AWARENESS — BROTHERLY AND SISTERLY LOVE

IN APPRECIATION OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS Permission to use the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous for adaptation for HIV Anonymous is granted by AA World Services, Inc. Alcoholics Anonymous requests that a copy of the original Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions precede the adapted Steps and Traditions. The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous* 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous* 1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity. 2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority - a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern. 3. The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking. 4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or A.A. as a whole. 5. Each group has but one primary purpose - to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. 6. An A.A. group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the A.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. 7. Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. 8. Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers. 9. A.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve. 10. Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy. 11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films. 12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. * The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous have been reprinted and adapted with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. Permission to reprint and adapt the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions does not mean that A.A.W.S. is affiliated with this program. A.A. is a program of recovery from alcoholism only – use of A.A.’s Steps and Tradition or an adapted version of its Steps and Traditions in connection with programs and activities which are patterned after A.A., but which address other problems, or use in any other non-A.A. context, does not imply otherwise.

TABLE OF CONTENTS WHY A 12-STEP PROGRAM FOR HIV ..................................................................................................... 5 THE PURPOSE OF HIV ANONYMOUS .................................................................................................... 7 HOW IT WORKS ........................................................................................................................................... 9 BASIC STRUCTURE ................................................................................................................................... 11 DEDICATIONS ............................................................................................................................................ 13 INTRODUCTION ......................................................................................................................................... 15 SPONSOR RELATIONS .............................................................................................................................. 17 TO THE NONBELIEVER ............................................................................................................................ 19 JOURNEY THROUGH THE STEPS ........................................................................................................... 23

STEP 1 POWERLESS AND UNMANAGEABLE ........................................................................................... 25

STEP 2 COME TO BELIEVE .............................................................................................................................. 37

STEP 3 MAKE A DECISION ............................................................................................................................. 47

STEP 4 MAKE OUR INVENTORY ................................................................................................................... 57

STEP 5 WE ADMIT ............................................................................................................................................ 77

STEP 6 DEEPENING OUR PARTNERSHIP ................................................................................................... 89

STEP 7 EXONERATE US FOR OUR HISTORY ............................................................................................ 101

STEP 8 MAKE A LIST OF ALL DIRECT ASSOCIATES ............................................................................... 109

STEP 9 TAKE STEPS TOWARD RECONCILIATION .................................................................................. 121

STEP 10 CONTINUE TO TAKE PERSONAL INVENTORY ......................................................................... 131

STEP 11 IMPROVE OUR CONTACT WITH OUR HIGHER POWER ......................................................... 145

STEP 12 SPIRITUAL AWAKENING / LIFESTYLE ....................................................................................... 157 SUMMARY OF THE 12 STEPS ................................................................................................................. 165 ANOTHER VIEW OF THE STEPS ........................................................................................................... 167 PERSONAL EXPERIENCES OF TRANSFORMATION ........................................................................ 169 A VISION FOR US ...................................................................................................................................... 171

TABLE OF CONTENTS

MEETING FORMAT AND BASIC LAYOUT OF HIV ANONYMOUS GUIDELINES FOR MEETINGS ......................................................................................................... 173 THE EFFECTIVE GROUP .................................................................................................................. 183 TWELVE TRADITIONS ..................................................................................................................... 187 TWELVE TRADITIONS / LONG FORM ......................................................................................... 189 REGGIE'S STORY ............................................................................................................................... 195 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS AND INFORMATION ............................................................................ 203 BIBLIOGRAPHY ................................................................................................................................. 205

WHY A 12-STEP PROGRAM FOR HIV? It has been proven that 12-Step programs work. There are millions of success stories attributed to all types of 12-Step programs. HIV Anonymous is not a recovery program; it provides guidelines for 12-Step support groups. The 12-Steps and 12-Traditions have been tailored to meet the specific needs of everyone infected with, affected by, or at risk for HIV/AIDS. There are many people with HIV/AIDS whose emotions and/or behavior is destroying them; this is putting an unnecessary burden on many of their loved ones. They may have drinking, smoking, eating, fitness, psychological, and sexual issues that need to be addressed. They may have unresolved issues regarding treatment. Some may be living in fear that others will find out that they are HIV Positive. Others may need to “come to believe that a power greater than themselves exists.” They do not believe in God or a Higher Power, or their relationship with their Higher Power is faltering. There are other people who need to learn how to assess all facets of their health (clean house), trust their Higher Power, and unload the guilt, shame, and depression that is holding them in bondage (whether they are aware of it or not). Many other people have by now transformed the stumbling block of HIV into a steppingstone. They have learned how to live happy, healthy, and normal lives. Here, they can use their experience, strength, and hope to help others. This manuscript uses a “Higher Power of your understanding” approach. This nonreligious approach hosts everyone regardless of race, creed, religion, or lack of religion, or sexual orientation. HIV Anonymous Positive Attitudes offers guidelines for a variety of meeting formats.

THE PURPOSE OF HIV ANONYMOUS HIV Anonymous is a twelve-step support program adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous. We are a global network that offers unbiased support to people infected with, affected by, or at risk for HIV/AIDS. There is a dire need to remove the stigma and face the fears and ignorance surrounding HIV/AIDS. Our fellowship is helping to reduce the prejudice and discrimination against HIV/AIDS-affected individuals. We are a fellowship of men and women who are committed to a way of life that will help fight the spread of HIV. If you want what we have to offer, and are willing to take certain steps—keep coming back. HIV Anonymous is a fellowship of persons who have found that living with a potentially terminal illness and/or affected by this illness is a major challenge. We are individuals who meet regularly as a group, assisting one another in this new way of life. We have no outside affiliations. Our past is kept in confidence within the group. We don’t thrive on our past, but concentrate on what we want for today and our future. For many of us, the realization of our present condition left us feeling dejected and depressed. We could no longer live life to its fullest. We became disoriented, and our peace of mind was displaced by uncontrollable emotions. We are not here to change you. We are not here to segregate or impose a particular belief system upon you. However, if you feel remorse that you have transmitted HIV to another person, or if you are concerned that your behavior could spread HIV, or maybe you just want to fellowship with other people who are living in balance and harmony with HIV and AIDS, then HIV Anonymous is for you. There are thousands of sources telling you what to do—and what not to do. Some sources claim that HIV causes AIDS and others claim that it does not. We at HIVA avoid getting caught up in scientific contention. We have experienced much suffering. We have seen too many broken hearts and too many people die to take one side in an unresolved scientific debate. We also emphasize Prevention for Positives, which includes prevention challenges specific to people already infected with HIV, such as re-infection with resistant strains of HIV, co-infection with hepatitis, TB, and STD’s, denial of risk, health issues, and psychosocial issues.

THE PURPOSE OF HIV ANONYMOUS

The choice to take medication for HIV or AIDS is a decision that each individual must make. We at HIV Anonymous share a few common goals: 1. We take care of ourselves spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. 2. We abstain from high-risk behavior. 3. We accept people as they are and believe that harm reduction is a step in the right direction. 4. We try to carry this message of hope to others. We have learned from our group experience that those who come to our meetings on a regular basis, and work the program with diligence, are those who experience spiritual transformation.

HOW IT WORKS If you desire inner peace, then you must become willing to take certain steps. These are the 12 Steps that have made our enlightenment possible: 1.

We admitted we were powerless over being infected and/or affected by HIV and that our lives had the potential to become unmanageable.

We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves exists and may offer direction in our lives.

We made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care and direction of our Higher Power.

We made searching and honest inventories of ourselves.

We admitted to ourselves, to our Higher Power, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. We set out plans to secure our future.

We became willing to work in partnership with our Higher Power to remove our ineffective behavior.

We humbly asked our Higher Power to exonerate us.

We made a list of all persons directly associated with our lives and became willing to deal with them according to spiritual precepts.

We took steps toward reconciliation whenever possible, except when to do so would injure others or ourselves.

10.

We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11.

We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with our Higher Power, praying for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12.

Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these Steps, we prepare ourselves through faith. We will try to carry this message to others and demonstrate these principles in all areas of our lives.

These Steps formulate the process by which we have achieved our newfound equilibrium. They are guides to progress. We believe in spiritual progress, rather than spiritual perfection. No one can totally free themselves from all ineffective behavior. We are not perfect. The point is to become willing to grow along spiritual lines. 9

HOW IT WORKS

Enlightenment cannot be rushed, but it is a fact that the sooner we confront our condition and realistically evaluate the world around us, the sooner we are freed from the disabling bondage of self. The program of HIV Anonymous is a powerful and versatile tool that provides us this guidance.

BASIC STRUCTURE OF HIV ANONYMOUS The HIV Anonymous World Service Organization (HIVAWSO) runs HIV Anonymous, Inc. The HIVAWSO is a centralized governing body to provide structure for the General Service Office (GSO), Area Service Representatives (ASRâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s), and Group Service Representatives (GSRâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s). HIV Anonymous is designed to bring together HIV patients, family members, friends, and health care professionals, along with their experiences, to help provide support to everyone affected by HIV and AIDS. The HIV Anonymous website is intended to be a road map to the Internet for those infected with, affected by, or at risk for contracting HIV. This interactive website will help you locate and meet people who have HIV. You can upload or view photos, post messages, place or read personal ads, etc.; get support from people with or affected by HIV; or join online meetings and chats. The website also offers an excellent layout of links to hundreds of websites that will help you find everything you need, including SSI/Disability information, alternative treatment, doctors specializing in HIV, free medication, help for depression, and much more. Online meetings and face-to-face meetings provide a confidential place where members can discuss problems, solutions, therapy, side effects, costs, insurance issues, employment, disability benefits, effects of and treatment for depression, etc. HIV Anonymous meetings provide a place where people can share their experiences, strengths, and hope, as well as their inexperience, weakness, and despair. Together, we can learn to deal constructively with spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional concerns. Members provide support and useful medical information for people infected with or affected by HIV. Members can also learn skills to employ to deal with personal issues and learn to communicate with others about the disease. The URL for the HIV Anonymous website is: http://www.hivanonymous.com

DEDICATIONS THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO THE HIGHEST POWER.

It is also lovingly dedicated to all who have been infected with or affected by HIV, with hope that this spiritual program, with its comprehensive information, will help reveal to them a higher awareness in the light and love of a new day.

IN MEMORY OF BILL WILSON AND DR. BOB, THE FOUNDERS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS.

INTRODUCTION This program is a guide to assist those who desire to grow in divine awareness as a result of affliction. We are merely identifying and working with this sanctifying process. Many of todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s commonly cured illnesses were chronic or potentially terminal illnesses until 1928, when penicillin was discovered. The onset of HIV and the array of other diseases has merely reinstated the age-old pattern. The process of coming to terms with HIV or any illness is part of a universal process of sanctification. One thing is clear: if we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have the willingness to work toward spiritual transformation, continued spiritual development, and nurturing our physical health, we must ultimately see this potentially sanctifying process as becoming a hollow waste of our lives. Illness is a great adversary. However, if it were not for illness and hardship and all of their limitations, many of us would surely go our way with little attention to our attitudes and actions. It seems that hardship can chasten even the most distracted mind. Our program does not simply borrow from other fellowships that have used the principles of the Twelve Steps; the strategic dynamics of HIVA are tailored to meet the needs of everyone infected with or affected by HIV. Having a basic familiarity with spiritual principles and concepts may help you better understand the primary issues. However, even with limited spiritual knowledge, this program can help you learn how and where to begin your journey. This program is a guide to help individuals who have found the courage to dedicate themselves to a spiritual way of life, to merge with joyousness in the pursuit of life as our Higher Power intended, and to act in the personal duty of helping others. There are many of us who are satisfied with our thoughts, content with our knowledge, while living in perpetual ignorance. We emphasize that with diligent efforts to thoroughly investigate and comprehend this program, the possibility of seeing through those thoughts and that ignorance can begin to take root. The desire for spiritual knowledge and real integrity can then blossom. HIV Anonymous is a continuing education and recovery process that helps us to develop spiritually. Spiritual growth is a key factor in the acceptance of life on lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s terms. We then reach a final blessed state, marked by the absence of false pride and the absence of self-sufficiency: enlightenment.

SPONSOR RELATIONS What is sponsorship? Essentially, it is a person who has made significant progress in our 12-Step program and is sharing that experience, strength, and hope regularly with another member. This sponsor is someone who also is seeking to maintain a stable emotional, mental, and spiritual way of life through the program. When we begin to attend meetings, we may feel confused and apprehensive. We hear lots of talk about working the Steps and about a Higher Power. Between meetings, questions about these and other points come to us. We need constant close support as we begin to learn about the program. We select a member with whom we feel comfortable: that is, someone we can talk to. We then ask that person to be our sponsor. This assures us that there is at least one person who understands our situation and cares. A sponsor is a person to whom we can turn unconditionally without embarrassment when doubts, or questions, or problems come up. Sponsorship also gives the newcomer someone who can introduce him or her to other members. Twelve Step programs survive on the idea that one person can help another. The person you approach will be grateful for the opportunity to work with you because it enables them to keep growing. They will eagerly show you how they worked the Steps, because they can work them better by showing you how to work them. We know from experience that our own individual program is strengthened when we share it. Many of us spent years taking from or ignoring others. The spiritual awareness we receive when we are filled with brotherly and sisterly love is incredible. We find ourselves daring to care and love. When we reach out to others in need, they become loved. Getting helpful direction from a sponsor is an important first step because you learn how to take responsibility for your actions. Your sponsor will be available to you on a one-to-one basis. They will be your guide concerning information about meetings, literature, the 12-Steps, service, other programs, the valuable use of the telephone as a recovery tool, etc. When you pick your sponsor, remember--it does not have to be a lifelong relationship. Many of us have had different sponsors at different places in our program. Others have had the same sponsor all along. Sponsorship responsibility is unwritten and informal, but basic to our program.

SPONSOR RELATIONS

A spiritual approach is universal with the majority of sponsors. Furthermore, most sponsors attribute their present equilibrium to the inner strength derived through a personal relationship with their Higher Power. Most new members owe their newfound equilibrium to the fact that someone took a special interest in them, someone willing to sponsor them. We learn by reading and studying, asking questions at meetings, and especially by talking with our sponsors. Through love we learn to love ourselves; then we are ready to share that love. Spiritual growth, love, and compassion grow in balance and proportion when shared with others. By giving what we have received, we grow in proper balance and proportion. Shaping our thoughts with spiritual ideas, we free ourselves to become whole. We feel grateful for our relationship with our Higher Power, for what we can accomplish in life, and for what we can give to others.

TO THE NONBELIEVER When we were self-reliant people, we could wish for fulfillment; we could wish for physical, mental, or emotional comfort. With all our might we could will these, but lasting comfort and fulfillment were just not there. Our human resources, as directed by will, were not enough. Following our will failed us. Lack of power was our difficulty. We had to find a power by which we could live, a Power greater than ourselves. Many of us need to reevaluate our thinking to adjust ourselves to acknowledge a Power greater than ourselves, a process we were denied by many churches and religions set up to cater to persons already religious. Most churches and religions neglect to acknowledge practical spiritual processes for future generations. It would surprise many people to learn that many of the weaknesses of the doctrines and theologies of the churches are due to the personal bias of their authors. That is, their doctrines and theologies are based entirely on their own opinions or their own ideologies. Most churches and religions are on the wrong wavelength. Some of us view these churches and religions as a reflection of the hypocrisy we despise. They represent the materialism and prejudices of society. They are oriented in such a way that most of us rebel against the idea of suiting up and showing up to be forgiven for behaviors that we see them repeat. We see this as hypocritical. This hypocritical nonsense baffles many of us. We see many of their supposedly godly people involved in sexual and financial scandals. We question the goals and priorities of the monetary church, the old pass-the-buck-and-be-forgiven (for a tax writeoff) routine. With their God of damnation, they try to instill fear in us so we, as they, will keep coming back to pass-the-buck. Based upon these absurdities (and others) many of us abandoned the God idea entirely. Many of us are bothered with the idea of faith and dependence upon a power beyond ourselves. We see that as somewhat weak. We cannot totally accept it. We look upon this world of violence, debauchery, self-centeredness, battling theological systems, and unaccountable disasters with bewilderment and disbelief. We may see those who believe in God as fools. How can a Supreme Being have anything to do with life anyhow? As we studied the material world, we repeatedly discovered that outward appearances were not inward reality at all. We emerged with understanding. Yet we still believed that life started from nothing, meant nothing, and went nowhere. At other moments we found ourselves gazing up at the heavens thinking, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Who, then, made all this?â&#x20AC;? There was a feeling of momentary knowledge, understanding, and

TO THE NONBELIEVER

wonder, but it was vague and soon lost. Many of us have had these thoughts and experiences. It is difficult for us to comprehend Divine Order. In the beginning of our spiritual change, we are told “fake it until you make it”: 1. Act as if... 2. Act as if there is Divine Order in the universe. 3. Act as if there is someone watching over you. With this willingness to act as if, we found ourselves accepting many ideas that we thought were out of reach, not necessarily because we believed in a Higher Power, but because we were willing to believe. We may have said to ourselves, “I wish I had what that believer has--they look so content. If I could only believe as they believe.” It was comforting to us to find out that our understanding of a Higher Power could begin at a simpler level. We were not talking about damnation, dogma, or hellfire and brimstone. We were talking about a loving, guiding, healing, and forgiving Higher Power. We discovered that our Higher Power does not make the terms too hard for those who seek diligently. We came to a realization that the realm of the Spirit is broad, roomy, and all-inclusive. Spirituality is never exclusive or forbidden to those who earnestly seek truth. Many of us had been so touchy, that even casual reference to spiritual concepts irritated us. We found it necessary to abandon this type of thinking or non-thinking. Many of us amused ourselves by cynically dissecting spiritual beliefs and practices. We might have seen many spiritually-minded people showing some degree of stability, happiness, and usefulness. These are qualities we should have sought ourselves. Instead, we looked for defects in these people, and used their imperfections as a basis for disapproval. We spoke of their intolerance, while we were intolerant ourselves. We never gave the spiritual side a fair chance. Previously, many of us looked at all the suffering in the world and said, “How could this world be so unbalanced if there is a Supreme Being in charge?” Some of us felt bewildered at seeing the misfortunes of others while our needs were being met. This happened when we did not believe in God, when other people said they believed in a God yet did not even have the resources to keep themselves or their children from dying. This confused us. We laughed at the idea of a God having control over disasters, droughts, resources, etc. We ridiculed those who believed, and saw them as gullible and weak. 20

TO THE NONBELIEVER

Today we still do not have all the answers. However, when we see our lives and our friends’ lives improve as a result of faith, we do not need convincing. We understand that we are not just a mass of energy heading aimlessly through space. We have purpose and direction. We are involved in a universal process. We came to see how pride in our intellect blocked faith in a Supreme Being. We thought we had all the answers. All of our ideals were based on the conviction that any theory that could not be proven by some scientific method had to be false. We owed it to our intellectual integrity to reject it. We thought we had it figured out. This was an obvious assumption when we were the “general managers of the universe”— the self-centered pseudo-intellectuals who perceived evolution as our way and means of being here. We thought we could solve any problem, except one: the mystery of how a substance, a bad habit, or runaway emotions could enthrall us. We could not master it with our minds or our intellects. Why? Self-knowledge eluded us. We now see that we allowed abstract thinking to carry us away from our real selves—our spiritual selves. We now understand that our Higher Power viewed our behavior as an expression of distress. Our errors and delusions grew out of alienation from Infinite Love. Today, we realize we are not spiritually convicted for our past. Yesterday is gone. We also realize that we are responsible for today. We learn through the process of the Steps that we do not have to figure out the world’s problems. It’s not our job. (We can put it in the hands of Divinity.) What a relief! We now experience surrender, humility, and peace. Helped by not having to know all the answers, we now can get on with this process of living through faith. We realize today that our lack of spirituality is not our fault. Nor is it anyone else’s fault. No one has a total understanding. We are all involved in a process—a learning process. We now have an indescribable feeling about us: of good, of the Spirit, of the source; we are not limited anymore by our own ideas or chained to the illusion of a hopeless condition. We can use this crisis as a stepping-stone. We now feel that we can face the realities of today and get on with working the program. We live by spiritual principles and concepts. They help us acquire a special feeling of serenity, not just peace of mind. Serenity is a spiritual state; even in the midst of conflicts or adverse circumstances, our serenity gives us a feeling of inner peacefulness and spiritual tranquility. We see external stimuli for what they are: finite and transitory.

TO THE NONBELIEVER

In our fellowship, we follow spiritual ideas and put them into action. The following are guidelines for a spiritual relationship: 1) We have faith in a Higher Power. 2) We accept the things we cannot change in the world and in ourselves. 3) We have ideals for which we strive. 4) We take responsibility for our actions and their consequences. 5) We focus on the solution in every challenging situation that we encounter. 6) We accept change and progress in our lives. 7) We are open to Spiritual Principles.

THE JOURNEY... ...you are about to take through the Twelve Steps is a guide to self-understanding and spiritual transformation. You will examine your past, look at the present, and with the help of your Higher Power set out towards your future. Each of the Twelve Steps contains detailed writing exercises that examine your condition, your assets, and your liabilities. They deal with your thoughts, motives, and behavior. Get yourself a sponsor. You will need one. There is no particular way to work this material. Timing will vary with each individual; each person will change (if that is what he or she desires) at their own rate. As you work through this material, relying on Divine Agencies, you will experience growth. This begins to bring spiritual, emotional, and mental well-being and fulfillment. The Twelve Steps will help you embark upon and embrace a spiritual journey that addresses your self-awareness and lays the foundation upon which you build a new way of life. This process has been known to release great quantities of serenity, joy, and love, the like of which you have never experienced.

THE DESIRE FOR MEMBERSHIP STEP ONE: "WE ADMITT WE ARE POWERLESS OVER BEING INFECTED AND/OR AFFECTED BY HIV AND THAT OUR LIVES HAD THE POTENTIAL TO BECOME UNMANAGEABLE." It seems terrifying to admit that we or a loved one is in the grip of a potentially progressive illness. If this virus cannot be eradicated completely, we must learn to live with it. If this virus is put in remission, we need to remember where we came from, continue to help others and nurture our health. Honesty, acceptance, and action are the prime sources of freedom and serenity. Step One brings us face to face with our condition, and if we brought it on ourselves, we may need to face the behavior that caused it. Many of us have spent a portion of our lives believing we were in absolute control of the outcome of our lives. We may have lived as if we were invincible. Many of us acted as if we did not care if we became infected with HIV; others invited it. Many of us, too, are consumed with blame and hate for our present condition. Like the majority of people, most of us were overly concerned with pleasing ourselves. We spent too much time pursuing worldly pleasures or gathering possessions for personal gain or for our immediate family (which is also for ourselves). We disregarded humanity. We may have talked of brotherly love, but for most of us they were shallow words followed by little self-sacrifice. Some of us live in denial about being infected/affected by HIV; often downplaying our inappropriate and irresponsible behavior. Others exclaim, “I practice safer sex; sure, I have experienced condom failure, but my partner/lover knows I have HIV,” we may have told others and ourselves. Maybe you are experiencing depression, loneliness, or fear. Whatever burdens your heart; whatever the situation is, the fellowship of HIV Anonymous is here for you. Now we can use our condition to live wisely and bring comfort to others. We can use this malady to bring us into a partnership with our Higher Power. We can find divine purpose in our lives. Some of us became infected through ignorance. Others have contracted this disease by no wrongdoing of their own. Many are seemingly innocent victims. This affliction may have come for reasons we cannot comprehend. This is the real world, with real problems and challenges. Our Higher Power promises His presence and comfort; not everlasting 25 health or a trouble-free life. We must now learn to live life on life’s terms.

THE DESIRE FOR MEMBERSHIP

If we brought this condition on ourselves, it may be because we were running on selfwill and/or we were living in denial. “HIV was not detectable when I got infected.” “How was I supposed to know he (or she) had HIV?” “It will never happen to me.” “Who cares, we all die anyway.” We may have told ourselves these or other excuses. Many sources, including our bodies, have been trying to tell us that something is wrong. Yet, we have refused to listen. We may have resorted to compulsive, obsessive, or mindaltering behaviors. Some of us have isolated ourselves. Some of us are consumed with pleasing and appeasing others. For most of us, misaligned behaviors are an unconscious effort to combat the anxiety which results from neglecting to ally ourselves with our Higher Power, behaviors that ultimately pacify us and keep us from seeking divine purpose and helping others. For many of us, it took this malady and this program to realize that our lives were without true real spiritual direction. Confronting and understanding a misaligned life is the first step that takes us away from self-indulgence and moves us toward wholeness. Here, transformation can take place. We can be at peace with our Higher Power and ourselves. Some of us are devastated because a loved one or friend is infected. Whatever brings you to this point, we pray that it induces absolute spiritual dependency and roots, and that it grounds you in your faith. WE ARE POWERLESS The concept that we are not in total control of our lives—that we are powerless over many things in our lives—may be new for many of us. The possibility of being powerless to do away with this virus completely can be a terrifying concept until we understand it and accept it. For many of us, our behavior produced this predicament, but whatever the case, we must realize that spiritual wisdom can transform it into a positive state. Many of us assume we can totally control our health if we try hard enough. We hang on to the idea that we are all-powerful. "One more doctor or one more treatment, and things will surely work out the way I want." Under scrupulous examination, we will realize that we never were nor are we ever really able to manage all the circumstances that are important to our health. In believing we are all-powerful, we deceive ourselves. In Step One, we’re surrendering control. We are not giving up power. We are accepting that we never had the power to begin with, and never will. 26

THE DESIRE FOR MEMBERSHIP

We don’t give up on our health. On the contrary, we do the best we can to take care of ourselves and put the results of our actions in our Higher Power’s hands. We realize that honesty and effort are the means of freedom. We surrender the results business, and enter into a partnership with our Higher Power. He provides the strength and direction; we provide the desire and the action. There comes a point in almost everyone’s life where he or she must come to terms with death. Many of us have said to ourselves, “If I ever get to a point where I am terminally ill and suffering, or if I am being too much of a burden on others, I will end my own life.” So, now, where do we stand? We must learn from our experiences, and let transformation come. Suicide is not the answer. If we kill ourselves our loved ones will never completely recover. They will feel regret and an unending pain for the rest of their lives. Suicide is merely a selfish and demented way out. We must endure with dignity until our Higher Power sets us free from this realm of existence. We are given a choice of either accepting or rejecting this idea of being able to grow in divine awareness as a result of affliction, reaching a blessed state -- a state of enlightenment where we are at peace with our Higher Power, the world, and ourselves. We have a very important decision to make. AREAS OF OUR LIVES ARE UNMANAGEABLE When we accept the fact that areas of our lives are unmanageable, we must be willing to recognize that we never had total control over our lives. Through Step One we can understand this. Step One is the first step towards developing the humility necessary to accept our condition and rely on spiritual guidance. In the process, we now see that our condition can be used to bring us to a sense of absolute spiritual dependency and unselfish service. The road to transformation can only begin with honest self-confrontation and assessment. Until we do this, our progress will be hindered. Our desire to grow is evident. We can develop spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional health by listening, reading, and sharing with others what we see and hear with others. There is value in sharing our ideas with others. Simple sharing of questions and answers helps us grow. Often, not knowing the answers together helps us grow, because we do not feel alone in our need to understand. POWERLESS AND UNMANAGEABLE Surrendering to this idea is not always an easy thing to do. For many of us, it may be difficult to let go and trust that things will work out. 27

THE DESIRE FOR MEMBERSHIP

In examining Step One, we see that it contains basic concepts: 1. Admitting that we are infected/affected by a potentially progressive illness. This paves a way for us to become conscious of the fact that we are involved in a sanctifying process. 2. The admission that we are not in absolute control of our lives opens the door to faith. Furthermore, until we surrender to a power greater than ourselves, our lives will continue to be unmanageable. As we begin to understand the bigger picture behind our lives and choose this proven path, we initiate our transformation. Acknowledging our condition forms the foundation for working the total program. HIV Anonymous Positive Attitudes presents a full-circle process that leads to a full and rewarding life with divine purpose.

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP ONE 1.

Are you having difficulties admitting that you or someone you love contracted HIV? What do you feel when you think about the possibility that you/they might not be able to get rid of it completely?

List any inappropriate behaviors that are a source of your problems. What areas of your life are bringing you happiness?

Are you/they currently on medication for HIV? Have you/they tried treatment? Are you/they going to get treatment? What do you think about treatment? Explain.

Why is it necessary for you to admit and accept that you, on your own, are not and never were in total control? How can faith in a power greater than yourself help you to face reality?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP ONE

How has denial blocked you from seeing your need for spiritual guidance?

Are there certain areas of your life where you feel the need to be in control? Do you think that fear and a lack of faith have a role in these feelings?

Do you know how and when you/they got infected? If so, what and how have you learned from looking back on that experience?

Did destructive behaviors contribute to your/their condition? If so, what were they?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP ONE

How do you feel about having this 12-Step program in your life?

10.

How has this disease made you feel that your life is unmanageable?

11.

How has this disease caused you to realize the extent of your spiritual needs?

12.

Cite specific methods by which you hide from the fear of the future.

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP ONE

13.

List the nonproductive and/or destructive behaviors in your life that need to be removed or transformed? Which productive behaviors need to be nurtured?

14.

What fears about the future do you have that are difficult to face? Why canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t you let them go?

15.

Have you tried to alter your consciousness to escape your present condition? Explain.

16.

List examples that indicate you have a desire to do what is right, but cannot carry it out. Do you believe there are destructive forces?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP ONE

17.

How does the idea of a Higher Power comfort you? Can you perceive that spirituality is an essential ingredient of your personal transformation?

18.

How does admitting that you are powerless affect your ego? Can you keep your ego in healthy relation to your Higher Power strength?

19.

Do you have fears concerning the pain and/or suffering you may experience as a result of this disease? If so, what are they?

20.

Why is getting a sponsor and trusting him or her a wise thing to do?

INSPIRATIONAL READING THIS CONDITION HAS CAUSED US TO BECOME PHYSICALLY AND/OR EMOTIONALLY ILL TO SOME DEGREE AND HAS RESULTED IN SERIOUS LIVING PROBLEMS. FOR MANY OF US, CONVINCING OURSELVES THAT OUR BEHAVIOR WAS ACCEPTABLE WAS THE DENIAL THAT CAUSED OUR CONDITION. NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRY ON OUR OWN, OUR EQUILIBRIUM WILL BE PRECARIOUS UNTIL WE DEVELOP ABSOLUTE SPIRITUAL DEPENDENCY. IT IS NOT WISE TO DEPEND SOLELY UPON OURSELVES; WE NEED TO FOCUS AND RELY ON THE STRENGTH OF OUR HIGHER POWER WORKING THROUGH US. WHEN WE FEEL THE PAIN OF OUR MISTAKES AND ACKNOWLEDGE OUR NEED FOR HELP, WE BECOME WILLING TO WORK THIS PROGRAM TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITY. THEN OUR TRANSFORMATION BEGINS. WHEN WE SURRENDER SELF-WILL AND TURN OUR LIVES OVER TO OUR HIGHER POWER, WE FIND HIS STRENGTH IS MORE THAN AMPLE FOR ALL OF OUR NEEDS.

FIRST STEP PRAYER JUST FOR TODAY I WILL LIVE ONE DAY AT A TIME AND NOT FEAR THE FUTURE. I WILL ADMIT THAT I AM POWERLESS OVER BEING INFECTED AND/OR AFFECTED BY HIV. I WILL ACCEPT THAT FAITH IS THE ONLY MEANS OF ATTAINING INNER PEACE. I WILL ASK MY HIGHER POWER INTO MY LIFE. I AM WILLING TO ACCEPT THAT HE CAN DO FOR ME WHAT I CANNOT DO FOR MYSELF.

A PROMISE OF HOPE--OPEN-MINDEDNESS STEP TWO: "WE BELIEVE A POWER GREATER THAN OURSELVES EXISTS AND MAY OFFER DIRECTION IN OUR LIVES." Having admitted that we are powerless being infected and/or affected by HIV and that our lives have the potential to become unmanageable--our next step is to accept the existence and vital functions of a power greater than ourselves. Step Two is a step of hope, trust, and faith: a conversion point for our journey towards a more spiritual view of life. It lets us see that help is available to us if we reach out and accept what a power greater than ourselves has to offer. Taking this Step can help reveal to us that this power greater than ourselves is essential in our daily lives. As our Higher Power reveals Himself to us, we realize that He will be here with us for the rest of our lives. He will guide and empower us, if only we let Him. We can now move forward toward true spirituality, integrating the many ingredients for successful living into our lives. The old pattern of our lives can give way to new consciousness. For many of us our present condition is a result of many self-willed decisions we made to fit into a chaotic world. Humanity in general does not foster or encourage healthy motives, thoughts, or behavior. So where does that leave us? Realistically confronting our condition and evaluating the world around us, we see the obvious: we need a new direction. Many of us may find it difficult or impossible to imagine that the intensity of our condition could be relieved through believing in a Higher Power. We may have learned to depend on scientific knowledge and proof. We may have believed in the absurdity of depending on such knowledge to prove or disprove the existence of a Supreme Being (which can be apprehended only more subtly). The realization of our present condition has created uncertainties in our lives. Now we must learn to lean on our Higher Power, or we will continue to operate primarily on a physical level, and the fear and pain that comes with physical illnesses or catastrophes will increase. We feed our growth by our willingness to act as if there is a Higher Power watching over us, accepting our condition, and taking constructive actions. We can discover the peace that comes when we expand our awareness and utilize the many ingredients for successful living. We can then begin dedicating ourselves to improving our lives and the lives of others.

A PROMISE OF HOPE--OPEN-MINDEDNESS

A basic goal of Step Two is to more fully accept the presence and guidance of our Higher Power. Many of us were brought up to depend on ourselves—we were taught by dysfunctional people to depend on self-will to manage our lives. We may have been taught that faith was a prop for weak-willed individuals. As we come to believe in a power greater than ourselves, we begin to perceive that faith is the only way to become whole. An important point to remember is to not automatically and stubbornly disbelieve, but to keep an open mind. This openness can invite our Higher Power into our lives to assist and empower us to do what we could not have done under our own power. We come to understand that faith, knowledge, and action facilitate the process of enlightenment, and only through enlightenment can we begin to perceive the glorious reality behind this world of seeming. As we begin to understand the attributes of our Higher Power, we are calmer, we feel a burden has been lifted from our spirit, and we begin to view life from a different perspective. However we initially perceived a Higher Power, we now view Him as a positive force: loving, empowering, understanding, and forgiving. He is here to help us, if we choose to accept His help. There is a paradox in the way spirituality works: the less we depend on self-will, the more effective we become. For most of us, coming to believe is a process and not an overnight achievement. We eventually realize that we cannot evaluate a distorted belief system while in the midst of it. Only after going beyond it and looking back from a point of sanity can we see the contrast. Therefore, we need to nurture this foundation for spiritual development that will guide us to divine purpose and help us to achieve true freedom. All that is required is the willingness to believe that our Higher Power is waiting. What follows during the Twelve Steps is a process that will root and ground this power in our lives. As we work our way through the Steps, we will identify and deal with compulsions, obsessions, addictions, co-dependencies, guilt, blame, denial, animosity, and spiritual issues (and, for many of us, the behaviors that caused us to contract HIV). Some people will have a hard time with this simple Step. They may exclaim, “How could there be a Supreme Being in charge?” “What about all the suffering and misfortunes of the world?” or, “Why did this happen to me?” Insight into these questions can open up gradually. Our obligation now is to turn from denial and self-sufficiency to acceptance and surrender. Through this process we walk towards enlightenment. 38

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP TWO 1.

List the experiences that made you doubt the existence of a power greater than yourself. Has HIV caused you to reevaluate your priorities? Explain.

List events or situations that indicate you need a faith that you can live by and not just talk about. What do you stand to lose by having this type of faith?

Is anything keeping you from believing that a power greater than yourself can restore you to a full and rewarding life? Explain.

How can this program help you accept and trust that a Higher Power exists?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP TWO

Are you willing to develop relationships with people in the program?

How can these relationships help you develop a relationship with your Higher Power?

Describe your desires to manage people, places, and things. Describe your inability to successfully manage your environment.

Are you preoccupied or overly concerned that you or a loved one will die from HIV? Do you realize that at any moment something else catastrophic could happen to you or your loved ones? Are you aware that there are storms, earthquakes, violence, and wars that are claiming lives on an ongoing basis? How can maintaining your perspective alter any negativity you may have concerning your present situation?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP TWO

What do you believe is the cause of these feelings and behavior? (Referred to in questions 7 and 8.)

10.

Explain how this process of dealing with your affliction will change your life for the better.

11.

How do depression, compulsion, and fear interfere with your ability to function successfully?

12.

What can you do to make this program work for you?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP TWO

13.

How does your relationship with your sponsor improve your ability to work the program?

14.

Are you willing to work all twelve steps? Do you realize that this is a spiritual journey—a process—not an event? That it requires diligence and patience—that it doesn’t happen instantly? Explain.

15.

Can you accept the idea that reaching out to others will help you? Explain.

16.

In what areas of your life do you demonstrate uncontrolled emotions?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP TWO

17.

Are there areas of your life in which you need to be more gentle and nurturing? How have you been too easy on yourself in the past, and what problems have resulted from this slothful behavior?

18.

How is your relationship with yourself improving?

19.

List areas in Step One or Step Two where you are still having difficulty inviting your Higher Power into your life. Are you killing yourself with poisons, slothfulness, or unhealthy behaviors?

20.

What can you do to remedy these problems?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP TWO

21.

22.

What do you expect from working the total program? Do you want to be part of the fellowship? Have you visited our web site "http://www.hivanonymous.com"?

How do you see HIV Anonymous as an effective tool for gaining the life that your Higher Power has promised? What would you like to do for your fellow human beings?

INSPIRATIONAL READING BY OUR WILLINGNESS TO DEDICATE OURSELVES TO A SPIRITUAL WAY OF LIFE, WE WILL BEGIN TO EXPERIENCE THE COMFORT AND SECURITY OUR HIGHER POWER HAS PROMISED US. LEARNING FROM MISTAKES CAN ILLUMINATE THE FUTURE. HOWEVER, WE MUST REALIZE THAT ONLY FAITH WILL ENSURE OUR SUCCESS. EVEN THOUGH WE WERE REBELLIOUS AND DID NOT LIVE DEVOUTLY, OUR BROKEN SPIRIT OPENS THE DOOR TO FAITH, AND OUR HIGHER POWER WILL ALWAYS BE THERE TO HELP. OUR HIGHER POWER CAN RESTORE US TO WHOLENESS AND FREE US FROM THE FEAR OF THE FUTURE. AS WE ATTAIN FAITH, OUR HIGHER POWER WILL LEAD US TO SPIRITUAL SECURITY. NOTHING CAN PUT US BEYOND OR SEPARATE US FROM THE LOVE OF OUR HIGHER POWER. THE SMELL OF FRESH FLOWERS, A BEAUTIFUL SUNSET, OR A PHONE CALL FROM A FRIEND REMINDS US OF OUR HIGHER POWER’S CONSTANT PRESENCE IN OUR LIVES. SEEN IN THE LIGHT OF OUR HIGHER POWER'S LOVE, OUR CONDITION HAS CAUSED US TO SEEK A BETTER WAY OF LIFE.

A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION--SURRENDER STEP THREE: "WE MAKE A DECISION TO TURN OUR WILLS AND OUR LIVES OVER TO THE CARE AND DIRECTION OF OUR HIGHER POWER." Step Three is interwoven with all the Steps: a point of decision. We put our wills and our lives into new hands. The first two Steps established the foundation for turning our lives over to our Higher Power. Step Three brings us to a solemn point of faith, hope, and trust. Of course, before we can fully embrace this Step, we have to give ourselves the appropriate amount of time to grow through the first two Steps. The decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care and direction of our Higher Power is an ongoing process, as we are just beginning to surrender the control of our lives. We begin to understand how our Higher Power’s presence can transform our lives for the better as we turn our wills over to Him. For most of us, discerning what is self-will and what is guidance can be a difficult task in the early stages of our spiritual development. We need to keep it simple. Focus on truth; if it is not wholesome, try not thinking it, saying it, or doing it. Do everything with the best intent for all. Our deepening partnership with our Higher Power clarifies our real direction in life as we work our way through the Steps. Repeated working of the first three Steps will help to build a solid foundation for a full and rewarding life. Step One says: I can’t change the fact that I am infected/affected by HIV; therefore, my life has the potential to become unmanageable. Step Two says: He can manage my life. Step Three says: I’ll let Him manage my life. Step One is honesty, Step Two is open-mindedness, and Step Three is willingness. The first three Steps signify gratitude. Gratitude is admitting that we can’t do it alone, and that this is acceptable. We have our Higher Power and a fellowship through which He works to help us. Repeating, “I can’t... He can... I’ll let Him,” eases the inclination to try to control and manipulate everything. Here, as indicated, we decide to take a step of faith and put our lives into our Higher Power’s hands. Without faith it is impossible to receive the help necessary to experience spiritual transformation. Moreover, those who diligently seek and act earnestly are delivered from false pride and self-pity. 47

A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION--SURRENDER

Until now, our view of our disease may have led many of us into self-pity. For those of us who contracted the disease through high-risk behavior or ignorance, admitting responsibility for our disease may be too difficult. It seems to label us as bad people. Hiding from the truth may seem to be our only answer. Our denial and repression keeps us in a make-believe world. The faith and trust we develop in Step Three provides us the strength to examine our lives and expand our perception. Although we may talk of faith and trust, it usually takes time to really allow our Higher Power to be totally in charge of our lives. As we begin to let His will act in our lives, our dysfunctional behaviors become weaker and much less dominating. Turning our wills and our lives over consciously means we give up our destructive and manipulative self-will. We also put our physical bodies, talents, potential, skills, and aspirations into His hands. Choosing a spiritual way of life doesn’t remove anything of real value; rather, it frees us from bondage. Ironically, the more dependent we allow ourselves to become on spirituality, the more independent we become. Choosing a spiritual path is the only thing that can restore us to fullness of life. As we expand our awareness and free ourselves from our negative behaviors and attitudes, we deal more effectively with our lives. Whatever happens, if we diligently seek our Higher Power’s guidance and avoid manipulative and destructive behavior, we can be assured that we are moving in the right direction. Our feelings of impotence and irritability will fade as we come to know His love and share it with others. We begin to have a personal relationship with our Higher Power. If we have been diligent, we should be amazed at the faith we have developed and we will be blessed by having acquired real friends. Step Three empowers us to turn away from dysfunctional behavior, selfishness, discouragement, and fear. Working Step Three helps us realize how far we have strayed from the right path; it also reveals to us the depth of our Higher Power’s wisdom. Most of our lives have been without real purpose and direction. We have been brought to a point of egocentric ends justified in the self-centered view of this material world. Material views and goals are fine in proper perspective, but the foundation of our existence should be based upon faith, trust, empathy, and compassion.

A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION--SURRENDER

This Step of willingness is a cornerstone in our transformation. It empowers us to live an effective and purposeful life; it gives us a sense of direction. As we begin to feel that direction move us, we accept these spiritual paradoxes: 1. That we are never completely free until we have totally surrendered. 2. That we will never be fulfilled until we have found divine purpose. Here are the basics for initiating a spiritual relationship: A. We solemnly make the decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care and direction of our Higher Power. B. Everyday we recommit ourselves to that decision by practical action. C. We trust the outcome of everything to our Higher Power.

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP THREE 1.

Describe your willingness to make the decision to turn your will and your life over to the care and direction of your Higher Power.

How do you expect your Higher Power to help make your life better? What is your accountability in these changes?

Which character defects are you stubbornly holding on to? How does self-will prevent you from surrendering?

Do you have any character defects that are driving you crazy? List them and explain.

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP THREE

How will turning your will and your life over to your Higher Power help you?

Do you believe that faith will give you the strength to go on when you feel like you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t? Explain.

Are you praying regularly? Do you have a prayer partner? When do you pray? Do you feel that your prayers are not being heard? Explain.

Where has faith in humanity failed you? Do you fear that your Higher Power might let you down when you really need Him?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP THREE

What role if any did denial, misinformation, or ignorance play in your getting HIV?

10.

How does this program help you make wise decisions? Are you being true to yourself? Do you have a sponsor?

11.

Why is it necessary to fellowship regularly and read spiritual material? Are you using the telephone to maintain a support network? Call someone right now let them know how much you love them.

12.

What changes have you made that contribute to your being healthier? How are you dealing with your/their doctors? Do you/they have a specialist?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP THREE

13.

Do you have trouble asking for help? Have you recently asked someone to help you with something that you felt uncomfortable about? Explain.

14.

How do you see your future improving because of your decision to surrender to your Higher Powerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s will?

15.

What kind of person can you expect to become when you dedicate your life to the care and direction of our Higher Power?

INSPIRATIONAL READING WHEN WE LEARN TO TRUST IN OUR HIGHER POWER AND NOT LEAN ON OUR OWN UNDERSTANDING, HIS GUIDANCE WILL KEEP US ON TRACK. A RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR HIGHER POWER WILL HELP US DEVELOP AN ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE. HIS DIVINE INFLUENCE WILL BRING US BALANCE AND HARMONY IN MIND AND SPIRIT. AS WE DEVELOP OUR FAITH AND FIND DIVINE PURPOSE IN OUR LIVES WE DEAL MORE EFFECTIVELY WITH STRESS AND ANXIETY. HELPING OTHERS CAN TAKE OUR MINDS OFF OF OUR NEEDS, WANTS, AND CONCERNS. THE COMMITMENT WE MAKE IN STEP THREE WILL GIVE US COURAGE TO FACE HARDSHIPS, PAIN, AND THE FEAR OF THE FUTURE. IT WILL GIVE US THE STRENGTH TO BE COMPASSIONATE, EMPATHIC, AND ASK FOR HELP. WHEN WORKING STEP THREE, WE DISCOVER HOW FAITH AND TRUST CAN CHANGE OUR LIVES. WHEN WE WITNESS THE POSITIVE CHANGES IN OURSELVES AS A RESULT OF WORKING THE FIRST THREE STEPS, WE GLIMPSE THE STEADFAST LOVE OF OUR HIGHER POWER.

PERSONAL INVENTORY--COURAGE STEP FOUR: "WE MAKE A SEARCHING AND HONEST INVENTORY OF OURSELVES." For most of us, our dedication to work the Steps and grow along spiritual lines has originated because our level of discomfort has surpassed our fear of change. In Step Four we thoroughly examine our behavior and our condition and expand our understanding of ourselves. This can help us begin a habit of careful reflection and honest observation, so that we can maintain each stage of our development. With our Higher Powerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s help and guidance, we can be honest, identifying our strengths and weaknesses. We will then make progress towards finding our spiritual haven in a turbulent and unbalanced world. Steps Four through Seven are the personal inventory Steps. As we work our way through these Steps, we will prepare a personal inventory and discuss it with the appropriate people. We will work in partnership with our Higher Power to remove or transform our ineffective and destructive behavior. We humbly make an appeal for our Higher Power to exonerate us. Denial and repression are insidious enemies that many of us mistakenly embraced early in life. They helped stunt our spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional growth by keeping us from internalizing truth. We let our imaginations run rampant. We believed that our situations were better or worse than they really were. Denial and repression protect us from our feelings. They help us repress the pain of a life with little or no spiritual direction. These inverted truths keep us from developing into happy, joyous, and free spiritual beings. The realization that we or a loved one contracted HIV and the resultant fears and anxieties have helped dismantle false constructions. It has forced us to look at ourselves, to acknowledge our need for spiritual guidance. We begin to recognize the role that denial has played in our lives. The acceptance of the problems and challenges in our lives forms the foundation of the life-changing process. The journey we begin in Step Four is unfolding self-discovery and deliverance from the power and effects of a life without true spiritual direction. Once we identify misaligned thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and understand that we can change them, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s easier to recognize the ways they have controlled us. Our aim is to release their hold on us, or to let them go, or with the help of our Higher Power, transform them into positive traits.

PERSONAL INVENTORY--COURAGE

Denial is an ever-present peril throughout our lives. It never totally goes away; it simply becomes more sophisticated. Acknowledgment of denial is the spur and basis for our acceptance of the truth of our personal history, and for our ongoing spiritual development. Inadequate perception, unresolved resentments, and fears cause us to develop severe problems. By acknowledging our lack of awareness and our fearful nature, we can expect to experience low self-esteem. But it returns to legitimate self-esteem as we work the Steps, reevaluate our lives, and become more willing to rely on divine agencies. Even as we rely on our Higher Power, we may continue to feel remorse for what we have done, or failed to do. We come to understand that searching and honest does not necessarily mean without pain. With our Higher Powerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s help and our own personal courage, we can witness our growth and modify our lives for the better. Surrendering self-centeredness and acquiring humility are basic to this Step. As we grow, we stop using our jobs, our families, our health, and other situations in our lives as excuses for not getting on with the work of the program. We evaluate personality according to its level of spiritual maturity. That is, the level of development of such qualities as honesty and open-mindedness; spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional health; awareness, common sense, and wisdom; and the use of prayer, meditation, and faith. We achieve our own personal best. The benefits of putting our thoughts on paper are far greater than the price we will pay for not making this inventory. Our shared experiences show us that there are many ways to do this inventory; there is no one, single right way to go about it.

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP FOUR

1. Start your inventory by writing a semi-brief autobiography A. Do a short inventory of your past relationships with people who have been significant in your life: parents, siblings, teachers, mentors, friends, and romantic interests. B. Explore and write down your good character traits. For example: positive recovery steps, having an open mind, gratitude, generosity, skills, and talents. C. List all your liabilities, past and present. Include your problem behaviors. For example, you might include addictions, self-pity, resentments, etc. D. List your insecurities: guilt, self-pity, or any foreseen obstacles in your future. E. List your aspirations. Set out plans to secure your future. Write your commitments for service.

AUTOBIOGRAPHY

PERSONAL INVENTORY--STEP FOUR

AUTOBIOGRAPHY cont.

PERSONAL INVENTORY--STEP FOUR

RELATIONSHIP INVENTORY

PERSONAL INVENTORY--STEP FOUR

POSITIVE TRAITS

NEGATIVE TRAITS

PERSONAL INVENTORY--STEP FOUR

POSITIVE HABITS

NEGATIVE HABITS

PERSONAL INVENTORY--STEP FOUR

INSECURITIES

FEARS AND CONCERNS

PERSONAL INVENTORY--STEP FOUR

Cite examples that show how you have hidden from a spiritual way of life. Are you concerned with spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional health?

How has your denial supported your ability to evade the reality of your life style?

Describe areas of your life in which denial has been harmful to you physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or spiritually.

Cite examples in your life where you denied the existence of spiritual truth in order to live foolishly in the moment -- and to avoid self-discipline.

PERSONAL INVENTORY--STEP FOUR

When and how are denial and repression most active in your life? Are you taking other people's inventories to justify your situation?

How have ignorance, lack of knowledge, and false pride interfered with your ability to face reality and be honest with yourself?

Do you have unresolved issues about your past? If so, what are they? Do you feel like a victim? Why?

How will examining your ways teach you to forgive those who have done you wrong? How will this help release you from any unrelenting hatred you may have? How can this inventory give you a more realistic view of your life?

PERSONAL INVENTORY--STEP FOUR

10.

Which of your present behaviors is most damaging to your spiritual health?

11.

How can letting your sponsor know you better help you see your faults and lead you out of fear and illusion?

12.

What are the major resentments from your past? List them. Are these resentments still interfering with your life? If so, how?

13.

List situations where you still become angry as a result of your inability to let go of these past resentments.

PERSONAL INVENTORY--STEP FOUR

14.

Are you preoccupied with the fear of the future? If so, list your major fears. How is projecting beyond the moment interfering with your perspective? What are the antidotes for fear and projecting?

15.

Do you know other people who have HIV? Do any fears surface when you realize that some of your friends may become ill? Explain.

16.

How does faith give you support in dealing with this?

17.

Cite situations that convince you that your faith is being tested. Who is winning the battle? What do you stand to lose?

PERSONAL INVENTORY--STEP FOUR

18.

What are your best qualities? How do they support you?

19.

What are your major weaknesses, character defects, and shortcomings? How do they hurt you?

20.

How has working on Step Four helped you identify with your feelings?

21.

Have you been lagging in making this inventory? If so, what is the problem? Can you identify with the word procrastination?

PERSONAL INVENTORY--STEP FOUR

22.

Does your condition cause you to feel dejected? Do you feel chained by these emotions?

23.

Can you recognize and appreciate the faith and courage you must have to deflect the negative forces that are trying to oppress you?

24.

What is your main goal in preparing your inventory? What will you receive by expanding your awareness and working the total program?

25.

How has making your personal inventory helped you to accept the reality of today?

PERSONAL INVENTORY--STEP FOUR

26.

Are you resentful? What or whom do you resent? How are these resentments affecting you?

27.

Are you fearful? If so, what or whom do you fear? How has this fear affected your faith?

28.

List examples in your history that indicate that your behavior provoked your condition.

29.

Many of us had something to do with our being infected. If this is the case, cite examples of your new thinking that show you forgive yourself for contracting HIV.

PERSONAL INVENTORY--STEP FOUR

30.

Do you repress anger? How does unjustifiable anger relate to having low selfesteem? What do you do with justified anger and legitimate resentments?

31.

Are you overly dependent on approval from others? If so, list examples of your behavior that shows you are overly dependent on approval from others.

32.

Do you take on the role of a caretaker? (If kept in balance this is healthy.) If so, list examples of your behavior that show you overreact as a caretaker.

33.

Cite examples of your behavior that reveal that you are still trying to manipulate and control things around you in selfish ways.

PERSONAL INVENTORY--STEP FOUR

34.

Do you feel insecure? If so, list specific examples of your behavior that indicate you feel insecure.

35.

Do you fear that certain people will treat you differently if they find out you or someone you love has HIV? If so, give examples.

36.

Do you have trouble expressing your feelings? If so, cite examples of not expressing your feelings adequately. Do you ever feel you are on an emotional roller coaster? Why?

37.

Cite examples of new behaviors that show you have been transforming your problem behaviors.

PERSONAL INVENTORY--STEP FOUR

38.

Are you over-responsible or irresponsible? If so, give examples.

39.

Do you have any sexual issues that need to be resolved? Do you have any problems dealing with your sexual urges? If so, list examples.

40.

What do you hope to achieve as you feel more confident with your new way of life? Explain in detail and give examples..

41.

List specific examples of how your thoughts, motives, and behavior are improving.

When you have completed the first three Steps, and completed this inventory, you may now have the clearest view ever of your life. What you have done so far will never be lost if you use it, learn from it, and let it transform you. 74

INSPIRATIONAL READING FALSE PRIDE CAN HINDER OUR ABILITY TO DISCERN THE TRUTH AND IS A DETERRENT IN MAKING OUR INVENTORY. A BASIC GOAL OF THIS INVENTORY IS TO REVEAL TO US THE WAYS THAT WE HAVE BECOME CORRUPTED, SELF-DESTRUCTIVE, AND NONPRODUCTIVE. WE DEVELOP OUR FAITH BY ASKING OUR HIGHER POWER TO SEARCH US, TEST US, AND KNOW OUR HEARTS. RESENTMENTS AND ANGER CAN FUEL THEMSELVES. THEY TEND TO BIND US TO THE PERSON OR SITUATION WITH WHOM WE ARE UPSET. THE ONLY WAY TO LEGITIMATELY SATISFY OUR ANGER AND RESENTMENTS IS FORGIVENESS, WHICH IS MORE THAN A FEELING, IT IS ALSO AN ACT OF THE WILL. NOT FORGIVING OURSELVES WILL INHIBIT OUR ABILITY TO CONDUCT A THOROUGH INVENTORY. ASKING OUR HIGHER POWER TO HELP US FORGIVE OURSELVES WILL HELP REMOVE THE FEAR AND PAIN THAT DISCOURAGES US. NOT COMING TO TERMS WITH OUR FEELINGS CREATES AN EMOTIONAL BARRIER THAT CONTAMINATES OUR WELL-BEING. FAITH AND LOVE WILL LEAD US THROUGH THE FEAR AND PAIN OF THE PAST AND INTO SERENITY AND SECURITY. WORKING THIS STEP HAS HELPED US FACE THE TRUTHS OF OUR LIVES. BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO PERSEVERE AND OVERCOME—MOREOVER, THEY CAN USE ALL OF THEIR EXPERIENCES TO HELP OTHERS. OUR STEP FOUR INVENTORY WILL HELP US REALIZE HOW AND WHERE WE STRAYED FROM THE SPIRITUAL PATH. IT IS A VITAL STEP TOWARDS WORKING IN PARTNERSHIP WITH OUR HIGHER POWER TO KEEP THE REST OF OUR LIVES ON TRACK.

PERSONAL INVENTORY--INTEGRITY STEP FIVE: "WE ADMIT TO OUR OURSELVES, TO OUR HIGHER POWER, AND TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING THE EXACT NATURE OF OUR WRONGS. WE SET OUT PLANS TO SECURE OUR FUTURE." In Step Four, it took courage to go into the past and to examine the present. Now, we need more courage to again face the facts we have discovered about ourselves. When we do this in a balanced way, we also find positive traits, behaviors, and aspirations in ourselves. This encourages healthy and real self-esteem. We have a more realistic view of ourselves. If we have been honest and thorough, our inventory now becomes a tool we use in Step Five. If we took enough time to work fully the first four Steps, we discovered the value of letting ourselves grow through the Steps, rather than trying to force or fake change. Having written our inventory, we can now take our self-examination even further into an open and honest disclosure: to ourselves, to our Higher Power, and to a person we trust will understand. Step Five develops strength. It develops faith in a loving, guiding, and forgiving Higher Power. We begin Step Five by admitting our wrongs to ourselves. It is obvious that before we can turn anything over to our Higher Power, we have to admit it to ourselves. Admitting our wrongs to ourselves is the least threatening part of Step Five, even though deceiving ourselves is an ingrained bad habit for many of us. Rigorous honesty must be given a chance. Nothing draws us to Infinite Love and each other like rigorous honesty and humility. Step Five also requires that we admit our wrongs to our Higher Power. This brings us closer to perpetual surrender. It is important to recognize that our relationship with our Higher Power is a foundation for developing courage and strength. We can draw upon it as a foundation for inner healing. We must give up our need to control things. We offer our lives to our merciful Higher Power. Admitting our wrongs is not for His benefit. It is a chance for us to know that He loves us. He is patiently waiting for us to learn from our experience. He will restore us to the fullness of life; then we can accept Him and others more fully. If we have been honest with ourselves and our Higher Power, completing the next stage of Step Five should be less painful. Talking with another person about our character flaws can help deliver us from our isolation. 77

PERSONAL INVENTORY--INTEGRITY

Sharing with others allows us to expel the resentments and fears that hold many of us in bondage. It allows us to express our grief and confusion. It helps to dissolve the delusion of self-sufficiency. Sharing our inventory breaks down many of the barriers we have built through our affliction. It reduces shame. It is the beginning of the end of isolation, denial, and repression. This begins an important phase, that of humility. We can see ourselves in perspective. Sometimes we think our spiritual life is separate from our relationships. How could this be? Good relationships are a cornerstone of a spiritual life. Humility can guide us into good relationships with our Higher Power, others, and ourselves. The anticipation of telling our history to another person is usually frightening. Many of us have constructed elaborate schemes to keep other people out of our personal lives. Pretending, posing, denial, repression, and living in isolation were reinforcements of the walls we built. Revealing our past is a vital step in the process by which we dismantle those walls. It provides a pathway out of the lie. It is a move toward wholeness, happiness, and serenity. It can be a humbling experience, because we must be open and honest. We can no longer pretend. Sharing our personal experiences will help us to know the depth of our Higher Power’s compassion. Find a more experienced member with a similar understanding. You may want to share certain confidential areas with one person, and others with another. We ask our Higher Power and our sponsor to help us choose our plan. We should remember to accept whatever feedback the person offers, and not slip into defending ourselves. One of the ways our Higher Power works is through people. We share the writings of our Fourth Step with someone we trust. We don’t just read our Fourth Step, we go in depth. We need to do more than just talk; we need to be ready and willing to listen. If we are willing to listen with an open mind to someone else’s viewpoint, we will broaden our awareness. We give ourselves an opportunity to change and grow. We are relieved to find that other people have experienced histories much like ours. Bear in mind that Step Five only asks that we admit the exact nature of our wrongs. It is not necessary to disclose completely the details and discuss how they came about. (It’s up to you.) This is not a demoralization Step. It is self-acceptance, self-awareness, and a solid foundation for our future. “We set out plans to secure our future.” Many of us need to set out plans to turn from corrupted motives, thoughts, and behavior, and dedicate ourselves to amending our lives.

PERSONAL INVENTORY--INTEGRITY

We may need to develop and commit ourselves to a plan that involves self-sacrifice and unselfish service. All of us have different capabilities; we must strive to achieve our own personal best. Going to meetings, taking commitments at meetings, sponsoring newcomers, calling and writing family and friends, engaging in online meetings and chats, and volunteering at hospitals, churches, or charities are a few of the ways of helping others. We can demonstrate our faith and be of service even when we are bedridden. As we keep our faith, it assures others; we then can be confident that we have secured our future. Some of us must face the possibility that the duration of our life or the life of a loved one may be limited. We may need to have a living will and a will or trust made. We need to realistically assess the future and make appropriate plans. If we take time to plan, it can help create a path to quality time, effective living, and strategized passing on. We are beginning to actualize our true selves: our spiritual selves.

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP FIVE 1.

Describe some of the difficulties you experienced when making your inventory.

Do you understand how Step Five will bring you closer to yourself, your Higher Power, and others? Explain.

Do you have any expectations or concerns surrounding Step Five?

What character defects and shortcomings of yours are the most painful to acknowledge? Why?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP FIVE

Describe your experience in admitting your faults to your Higher Power.

Cite examples of times when you were lying to yourself. Do you realize how denial can make you unaware that you are lying to yourself?

Is lack of knowledge and denial preventing you from being honest with yourself about your condition? Explain.

How will completing Step Five help you? How will it stop you from deceiving yourself?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP FIVE

What do you expect to gain from admitting your faults to another person? What are your plans to secure your future? Do you have a legal will, living will, or trust?

10.

What is your resistance to sharing your story with another person? Do you feel your story is unique? Have you done something so bad that you fear you might go to jail if someone finds out?

11.

Do you trust your sponsor? What qualities did you look for when you chose your sponsor? Is this the person you are going to share your Fifth Step with?

12.

How has concealing your wrongs caused you to suffer? How has lack of planning made you fall short?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP FIVE

13.

Are you willing to listen to another personâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s feedback? How will this feedback support you in completing your Fifth Step?

14.

What can be gained by listening to another personâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s viewpoint about securing your future?

15.

How are prayer and meditation helpful in looking at your future?

16.

As you complete Step Five, how will confessing your self-destructive behavior help you turn from it?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP FIVE

After you have completed your verbal admission answer these questions. 17.

Describe your feelings after completing Step Five. Do you feel closer to your Higher Power and your fellows?

18.

Were you totally honest? Are there some sexual or other experiences you did not reveal to another human being? Do you think it is necessary to reveal all of your wrongs to another person?

19.

Do you trust that your Higher Power understands and forgives you for everything you withheld? Can you relate to progress窶馬ot perfection?

20.

In what way did Step Five bring you closer to yourself and help you gain a better opinion of yourself?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP FIVE

21.

What do you plan to do when you act destructively or neglect responsibility?

INSPIRATIONAL READING OUR STEP FIVE ADMISSION LETS US MORE FULLY ACKNOWLEDGE OUR PAST, SUBMIT OURSELVES TO OUR HIGHER POWER, AND TURN WITH A CLEAN SLATE TO THE FUTURE. BY REVEALING OUR WRONGS WE BECOME MORE AWARE OF OUR DESIRE TO BECOME RESPONSIBLE. STEP FIVE CONTINUES THE ONGOING DEVELOPMENT OF OUR PERSONAL INTEGRITY BY DISMANTLING MANY OF THE FALSE CONSTRUCTIONS WE HAVE HIDDEN BEHIND. DENIAL AND REPRESSION ARE INSIDIOUS ENEMIES THROUGHOUT OUR LIVES. IN STEP FIVE WE ARE CHALLENGED TO BE SEARCHING, OPEN, AND HONEST. WHEN WE REALIZE HOW FAR WE HAVE STRAYED FROM A RESPONSIBLE AND BALANCED LIFE, WE PERCEIVE THE NEED FOR ONGOING SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE. SILENCE CAN BE A REFUGE FOR LIES, GUILT, AND SHAME. IT CAN DRAIN US OF VITAL ENERGY. HONEST DISCLOSURE WILL HELP BREAK DOWN OUR BARRIERS. HONEST SHARING WITH SOMEONE WHO IS GOING THROUGH WHAT WE ARE GOING THROUGH CAN HELP OUR HEALING TO FLOURISH. WE GET EMPATHY, NOT SYMPATHY.

PERSONAL INVENTORY--WILLINGNESS STEP SIX: "WE BECOME WILLING TO WORK IN PARTNERSHIP WITH OUR HIGHER POWER TO REMOVE OUR INEFFECTIVE BEHAVIOR." We define ineffective behavior as folly and/or actions that do not produce the intended effect. In Step Six, we face the need to remove or transform disabling behaviors. Willingness to do the groundwork, to deal with character defects and shortcomings, helps enable us to further develop a partnership with our Higher Power. Yet, we still may suffer from disabling low self-esteem. Rebuilding our self-respect through daily spiritual maintenance is one of our goals. Our Higher Power provides the strength and direction; we provide the desire and the action. With our newfound willingness, He can guide us. By this time we should have reached the point where we are ready to let Him take over and remove or transform this ineffective behavior, as He sees fit. Since we have chosen Him (by our willingness) and are trusting that He can provide inner healing, we have planted a seed of strength that will take root. We can draw upon it to meet lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s challenges. Becoming willing indicates a desire to change. We need to want to let go of our ineffective behavior. With faith and discernment, we can do this. It takes faith to accept that our Higher Power knows exactly what our legitimate needs are, and discernment to know which of our desires are misaligned. In order to work in partnership we have to let go and let our Higher Power take over. We realize we have entered a natural relationship with Him; inner healing and wholeness is its primary aim. As this partnership develops, we realize that only the harmful behaviors will be removed or transformed. We will experience freedom and spiritual release, not torture and spiritual self-punishment. We start to envision the new life He has for us. In this partnership, we do not take credit for the actual removal or transformation of our ineffective behaviors. We can credit ourselves with the footwork necessary, and credit Him with giving the guidance and support. We are now willing to move in a spiritual direction. We begin to experience new visions and new pathways as we deepen our partnership and rid ourselves of destructive and ineffective behaviors. Communicating with our Higher Power becomes an increasingly important part of our lives as we work the program. There are basic ways His Spirit speaks to us: 89

PERSONAL INVENTORY--WILLINGNESS

1. Through our inner voice or intuition. 2. Through people. 3. Through circumstances and experiences. 4. Through written material. Outside negative forces can fill our minds with ideas about how we should think, feel, and behave. We can lessen their power over us through deepening our partnership with our Higher Power and choosing the path to freedom. We need this Step to keep us humble and truthful with ourselves. We try to avoid the trap of distorted self-perception. We must recognize rather than deny dysfunctional patterns. Then our Higher Power can remove them or transform them into positive traits. Recovery and spiritual development are generally not immediate, rather, they are a daily effort to evaluate and adjust ourselves to the world around us according to His wisdom. This spiritual maintenance can be an exciting and rewarding experience. We now realize and accept that we are giving up nothing of real worth in return for living a spiritual life. The value and effectiveness of our lives will increase. Deepening this partnership draws us into a relationship with Infinite Love. This relationship develops when we work the Steps daily and faithfully.

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP SIX 1.

Explain your commitment to changing your ineffective behavior. List your problem behaviors.

What do you feel when you think of surrendering to your Higher Power? Do you believe that in this partnership you can rid yourself of all ineffective traits?

What is your interpretation of â&#x20AC;&#x153;to work in partnershipâ&#x20AC;??

Cite examples that show you are committing your ways to the care and direction of your Higher Power.

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP SIX

In which areas do you need to expand your awareness in order to take an inventory of your ineffective behaviors? What is the role of denial in this lack of knowledge?

What anxieties do you feel when you consider giving up all of your ineffective behavior?

Identify any ineffective behaviors you are not ready to work on. Explain why you are attached to them.

In what ways are you being tested? Do you approve of what your Higher Power is doing in your life?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP SIX

Is your life filled with demands on your Higher Power, rather than requests for guidance?

10.

Why is it necessary to learn humility in order to be â&#x20AC;&#x153;ready to work in partnership"?

11.

List any fears you have which are interfering with your ability to deepen your partnership with your Higher Power.

12.

How will faith in your Higher Power help you examine your harmful behaviors?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE -- STEP SIX

13.

Do you feel any fear or confusion about what you will be doing with your time when your ineffective behaviors are removed?

14.

How do you view your past? Does it hinder you in some areas of your life? Explain.

15.

What behavior changes have you made that indicate your faith is improving?

16.

Which ineffective behaviors are causing you the most shame and guilt and need to be removed or transformed first?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP SIX

17.

What do you feel when you think about being HIV positive? Do you rely on past successes or failures to dictate what you will do in the future?

18.

How will a sponsor make it easier for you to take an inventory of your ineffective behaviors? Have you tried medical treatment? If it failed are you ready to try a newer treatment? Are you following the advice of your doctor? Describe.

19.

Are you following the advice of your sponsor? Do you feel the assurance that your sponsor understands you? Do you trust doctors? Describe.

20.

Do you have an unhealthy need to impress others? Does your sponsor think you are being logical? Describe.

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP SIX

21.

Are you preoccupied with self? Explain.

22.

Are you greedy? If so, what do you fear you will lose by letting go of your intense desire for material success?

23.

What will you gain by giving to others?

24.

Do you have irresponsible sexual desires or behaviors? If so, are you willing to give them up? Are you worried about acting out?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP SIX

25.

How will rigorous honesty change your current social behavior?

26.

Do you have dishonest motives and behavior? If so, what anxieties do you feel when you realize the need to be truthful?

27.

How will rigorous honesty improve the quality of your life?

28.

Do you overindulge in anything? If so, do you want to change this behavior? What benefits can you receive as a result?

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE -- STEP SIX

29.

Are you envious? If so, are you ready to lessen your desires? Explain.

30.

Are you lazy? If so, are you willing to increase your productiveness? Explain.

31.

Are you a drug addict, alcoholic, overeater, smoker, co-dependent, or sex addict? Do you want to be wholesome? Do you think you need other 12-Step programs to help you with other problems? Explain.

32.

Are you single or married? Are you looking for a mate? Do you still go on dates? Do you hold back on telling dates or new friends that you are HIV positive? Are you in a sexual relationship? Are you letting depression get the best of you? Explain.

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP SIX

33.

Do you think it is necessary to tell everyone that you are HIV positive? What do you tell people if they ask you if you have HIV or any chronic illnesses? How will lying about your condition effect your life if you do get AIDS?

34.

Unhappiness, misery, insult, death, and destruction can come to us all. We also experience goodness, beauty, decency, love, and comfort. Explain what you are looking for today. Are you an optimist, pessimist, or a realist? Explain.

INSPIRATIONAL READING PREPARE YOUR MIND FOR ACTION, DEVELOP SURRENDERED SELFCONTROL, AND SET YOUR HOPE FULLY ON THE GRACE OF YOUR HIGHER POWER. BY BEING OBEDIENT AND TAKING SMALL STEPS FORWARD, WE GLIMPSE THE FULL AND REWARDING LIFE THAT OUR HIGHER POWER IS OFFERING TO US. WE PRACTICE HUMILITY BY TRUSTING OUR HIGHER POWER AND ALLOWING HIS SPIRIT TO LEAD US THROUGH THIS LIFE. WE MOVE TOWARD SUCCESS ONE DAY AT A TIME--BY CENTERING OUR ATTENTION AND BASING OUR ACTIONS ON SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLES AND CONCEPTS.

100

PERSONAL INVENTORY--HUMILITY STEP SEVEN: "WE HUMBLY ASK OUR HIGHER POWER TO EXONERATE US." In Step Five we admitted the exact nature of our wrongs. In Step Seven we take it to a deeper level. We are humbly asking Him to clear us from all guilt. This expresses that we feel a genuine remorse for things we have done or failed to do. Worldly sorrow brings only self-pity; it keeps us feeling sorry for ourselves. A spiritual conviction prompts us to turn from corrupted behavior and dedicate ourselves to amending our lives. Only our Higher Power can bring a spiritual conviction and a personal awareness that leads to reformation. A true confession of a life without spiritual direction has more to do with inward motives than with outward actions. It involves the character. Its primary motive must be the desire to please our Higher Power with all of oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life, rather than just escaping the consequences of irresponsible behavior. Worldly commitments may seem like a priority. We may wonder who will take care of them while we focus on this inside work, or when our condition progresses, if it does. We need to do first things first. We need to take care of ourselves first, so we can better serve and set examples for our fellow human beings. The well-being of our families, loved ones, and friends, and what our responsibility is to them, are not concerns to be left solely to us. Our Higher Power works through people and circumstances. Meditating on His presence in our lives will focus our attention on living according to spiritual truth. This can help us to see more clearly what we should do in our individual situation. Our deepening partnership with Him will increase our concern for the whole human family. It will free us from the disabling bondage of self. Though we all have character defects and shortcomings, we can rest in the assurance that our Higher Power is sovereign, and He can use even our failures to work in our lives. We need to learn to see a greater purpose behind our difficult circumstances. We must realize that we are responsible for our actions. We must continually ask for His support and turn away from bad habits and embrace a holy life. A hallowed life is living as our Higher Power intended. Rather than enslaving us, it frees us from our limitations. We turn from dissipation, dedicating ourselves to a spiritual way of life. Release from the force and effect of our past also requires that we surrender bitterness and hatred. We cannot always cancel out past errors, inflicted hardships, or change our circumstances. 101

PERSONAL INVENTORY—HUMILITY

We can, however, use our experiences to help us relate to others. A conscious effort to move in a positive direction is all that is required. Through applying principles of the program to our daily lives, we begin to come out of our denial and repression. The positive changes we are making can only have positive results. We must watch for deceitful tendencies and behaviors, asking our Higher Power to strengthen us. We can keep on learning, improving, and growing by regularly reciting and practicing the words of the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change (today), courage to change the things I can (today), and the wisdom to know the difference (today). Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen HIV must not be viewed as a stumbling block or an end in itself—we need to use it as a stepping-stone. Rejoice, not that you or someone you love has HIV, but that HIV brought you to absolute spiritual dependency, a faith without regret, leading to salvation. This process of sanctification involves more than us; it includes the entire human race. Become part of this love. Look at this Step to relieve the burdens of the past, present, and future. We can transform our lives and be assured of the well being of our loved ones— all by having faith and doing the footwork. Our Higher Power provides the strength and direction; we provide the desire and the action. This Step should be completed on our knees. Right now, if you want to be exonerated from your past, you can recite this prayer: “Almighty Creator, it is You who created the heavens and the earth with all their order. Your glorious splendor hardly can be borne. Immeasurable and indefinable is Your promised grace and mercy. "I feel unworthy because of irresponsible things I have done and the responsible things I have neglected to do; I am remorseful over the way I have lived. I have provoked Your wrath. I have done foolish and evil things. “And now, I am praying for Your grace and mercy. I want You to know the depth of my sorrow. I earnestly ask You to forgive me. In me, manifest Your goodness. For, unworthy as I am, Your love can deliver me from all guilt and shame; empower me to live steadfast in Your will. I will praise and serve You continually, all the days of my life. Amen.” 102

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP SEVEN 1.

What benefits will you receive in your life by asking your Higher Power to free you from the wreckage of your past?

What changes have you seen in yourself since you began your journey in the program? Can you feel the difference that faith and knowledge are making in your life?

How is your Higher Power guiding you and teaching you what is right?

As you put your past to rest, ask your Higher Power to reveal to you how you can use your experiences to help others. What would you like to do to make the world a better place? What do you think He wants to do in and through you today?

103

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP SEVEN

In what way does meditating on your Higher Powerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mercy give you freedom to face what you have done and what you have failed to do?

How will brotherly and sisterly love transform your motives?

How has the process of working the program helped to steer you in the right direction for Step Seven?

List examples that show that you understand and accept the things you cannot change.

104

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP SEVEN

What is keeping you from changing the unwanted situations you can control? What are your limitations?

10.

What progress are you making as a result of your working the Steps? What are your plans for carrying the message of hope to your fellows?

11.

Cite examples that show that you are focusing more on the here and now and less on the past. How does this keep you from projecting into the future and free you to live in the moment?

12.

How do you feel about the many chances you have to live in the solution? What are your plans to make your program successful?

105

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP SEVEN

13.

Have you infected other people with HIV? If so, was it intentional, irresponsible, unavoidable, or because you did not know that you had HIV? Can you forgive yourself?

14.

How has asking your Higher Power to free you from the responsibility of your past assisted you in acknowledging that He can and will give you the power to face life on its terms?

15.

Have you disclosed everything to your sponsor? Is there anything you would like to tell him or her right now? Explain.

16.

How has being infected/affected by HIV and working the program helped you to see who you really are?

106

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP SEVEN

17.

Do you have the courage to change the things you can? Are you making progress? Explain.

18.

What changes have come into your life from your humbly asking your Higher Power to exonerate you?

19.

Did you get on your knees to complete this step? How did you feel?

20.

Do you feel as if a burden has been lifted from your spirit? Explain.

107

INSPIRATIONAL READING AS WE WORK THIS STEP AND LEARN FROM OUR WORK, WE BEGIN TO PERCEIVE TRUE SPIRITUAL FREEDOM. BEING OBEDIENT TO OUR HIGHER POWER MEANS SEEKING HIS PRESENCE, KNOWING HIS WILL, AND DOING THE WORK. WHEN WE REFLECT ON OUR PAST, WE MAY FEEL A DEEP PAIN. BEING QUIET, AND ALSO PRAYING FOR FORGIVENESS, CAN RESTORE OUR SPIRIT AND RENEW OUR TRUST. OUR NEW LIFESTYLE WILL BE ENCOURAGED IF WE SET ASIDE OUR PRIDEFUL SELF-WILL AND ASK FOR FORGIVENESS.

108

RECONCILIATION--DUTY STEP EIGHT: "WE MAKE A LIST OF ALL PERSONS DIRECTLY ASSOCIATED WITH OUR LIVES AND BECOME WILLING TO DEAL WITH THEM ACCORDING TO SPIRITUAL PRECEPTS." Steps One through Seven helped us to become more aware and focus on new priorities in life. They started the process of getting our lives in order, giving us tools to examine our past, the present, and the future. These tools help us to develop the ability to let go, thus becoming free to continue our journey. Working Steps Eight and Nine will improve our relationships, both with others and ourselves. They will help lead us out of bad relations, isolation, or relationships taken for granted, and into harmonious companionship. Important to our transformation is the ability to overcome shame, resentment, low selfworth, and fear of other people. Letting go of the past has a lot to do with this. We need to become alive to the present. We then can be released from the fear of the future. Reconciliation is a means of letting go of the past. Reconciliation and making amends when necessary will change or alter many broken relationships for the better. This is the essence of the Eighth Step list. Reviewing our Fourth Step inventory will help us to determine who belongs on our list. Many people feel apprehensive about working the Eighth Step because they immediately begin to think ahead to Step Nine, and feel too fearful or guilty to do the Ninth Step. But timing is an important consideration. Just because the list is written, it is not necessary to take action; we simply make a list and become willing in this Step. Resentment is a feeling of indignant displeasure with something regarded as a wrong, an insult, or an injury. Resentment against another person can actually bind us to the very person we deplore or despise. The inflated ego is a barrier to the reconciliation process: it is accustomed to keeping score and holding on to resentments. One of the most effective means of overcoming resentment against others is the realization of our imperfect lives and the forgiving of ourselves. Forgiveness of others is easier when we realize the part we play in the difficulties in our relationships. Negative bondage to them can then more easily drop away. We are given the freedom to relate to them comfortably, without defensiveness, phoniness, or suspicion. Being thankful can help ease out resentment. There are many people in our daily lives who have no idea how much we have been influenced by their much-desired qualities. 109

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These people have helped set standards for many of our successes. To take time to put these people on our gratitude list brings full-circle a program well worked. A healthy relationship with loved ones is based on honesty, open-mindedness, and a willingness to reconcile. Rewards of reconciling come to us as we work the total program in everyday life.

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PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP EIGHT 1.

Do you feel sensitive about the things you have done or failed to do?

How will reconciling with others according to spiritual precepts help free you from resentments, guilt, and shame?

List situations in which you have cheated others. List some in which you have been cheated. Is it necessary to reconcile with everyone? Why?

Why does reconciling with your Higher Power and yourself set the stage for reconciling with others according to spiritual precepts?

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Do you know how you or your loved one got infected.? Is there someone or something you cannot or will not forgive?

How does your unwillingness to reconcile with others block your progress and hurt your relationship with your Higher Power?

Cite examples of your passing judgment on others and harming them or yourself.

How will reconciling with those with whom you are having difficulty and with your loved ones help you forgive them and free you from the past?

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Cite examples of your behavior that show you are willing to pray for people that you do not like.

10.

How will Step Eight improve your relationships with others?

11.

What do you expect to gain by giving to others?

12.

What do you hope to accomplish by reconciling according to spiritual precepts?

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13.

In what ways are you compassionate toward those who have caused you harm?

14.

How did you react when you found out you or your loved one was onfected with HIV? Has overreacting, selfishness, anger, or hate caused injury to others?

15.

Do you have any fear about what will happen when you try to make amends with certain people? Which relationships are causing you the most stress?

16.

How and when will praying for others be a means of amends?

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17.

Have you forgiven yourself? Why is this important in the reconciliation process?

18.

What have you learned from your past? How can these experiences change the way you look at and react to life today?

19.

List situations in which you leaned on others, when it would have been healthier to lean on your Higher Power.

20.

List and identify your behaviors that produced pain or hardship to others.

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21.

How will your progress be hindered if you are unwilling to forgive others?

GUIDELINE FOR RECONCILIATION LIST Areas affecting reconciliation can include: damage to people or their property, job-related areas, involving others in wrongful acts, setting a bad example, physical and verbal abuse, and/or broken promises. Lack of gratitude or lack of encouragement to others can have an important impact here also.

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ONE EXAMPLE OF A PERSONAL RECONCILIATION LIST PERSON

RELATIONSHIP

SITUATION

RECONCILIATION

Craig

Friend

Bad attitude His drug problem

Intervention

Harold

Father

Express my gratitude

Do something positive with my life.

Juan

Friend

Helped me financially

Pay him the money I owe him.

Susan

Lover

Infected her

Check with sponsor about appropriate steps to take.

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PERSONAL RECONCILIATION LIST PERSON

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RELATIONSHIP

INVENTORY

RECONCILIATION

INSPIRATIONAL READING AS WE FINALIZE OUR LIST, LOOKING AT IT AND REFLECTING ON THE PROGRESS WE HAVE MADE, WE PREPARE TO RECONCILE. WE HAVE NOT SEEN OUR HIGHER POWER FACE TO FACE IN THIS LIFE. HOWEVER, WE HAVE WITNESSED HIS LOVE FOR US. IF WE LOVE ONE ANOTHER, HE LIVES IN US AND HIS LOVE MAKES US COMPLETE. HOLDING GRUDGES AND RESENTMENTS ABOUT OTHERS INHIBITS OUR SPIRITUAL GROWTH. IT CAN PERPETUATE GUILT AND SHAME. LACK OF FORGIVENESS WILL BLOT OUR IMAGE OF OURSELVES.

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RECONCILIATION--DISCIPLINE AND OBLIGATION STEP NINE: "WE TAKE STEPS TOWARD RECONCILIATION WHENEVER POSSIBLE, EXCEPT WHEN TO DO SO WOULD INJURE OTHERS OR OURSELVES." Leading right into Step Nine is the personal inventory and reconciliation process begun in Step Four. With the realization that we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have all the answers, we are prompted to become teachable and willing to wait for new information, prior to action. Rebuilding our character and restructuring our lives should be our focus. Honesty, clear judgment, determination, empathy, and compassion are some qualities we call on to work this Step. Facing issues causes us to reflect on personal relationships. It is not meant to bind us to negative situations over which we have no control; rather, it can help free us from our disabling co-dependencies. Facing issues strengthens our relationship with our Higher Power, our fellows, and ourselves. Painful or remorseful memories may still be fresh in our minds or may be buried, hidden from consciousness. In either case, they can affect our vitality and impair our joy of life. Reconciling with others can help strip these memories of their ability to affect our present feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. It releases us from many of our resentments. Often relationships that require healing are the result of our own actions. Other times we need to let others know what we have gone through as a result of their actions. Whichever the case, we must deal with it in order to heal ourselves--on the inside. To reconcile according to spiritual precepts, we must first look inside at our own faults. Then, accepting ourselves, faults and all, we extend our self-acceptance to the people from whom we have been estranged. We have a need to feel loving and lovable. But if we do not empathize with our fellows, we will not be at peace with ourselves. So we must attempt to empathize and reconcile with those in our lives. We let our Higher Power speak and act through us. We need to transmit His grace and compassion in order to experience transformation. We foster growth by empathizing and banishing bitterness and animosity from our hearts. Forgiveness is not just a feeling--it is also an act of the will. Many of us grew up with the experience of loving and being loved conditionally. As a result, we frequently want to reject and dismiss people from our past, or we avoid them whenever possible. But this is no longer necessary. As we become more established in our faith, fear and animosity disappear. Courage is developed.

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What we say about our behavior does not always verify change. Our actions do this. Step Nine is an action Step. We need to attempt to restore the damaged relationships hindering our growth. We no longer need to use faultfinding to build up our self-image. The time and place for confronting people from our past, face to face, requires careful attention and forethought. It works best by creating an atmosphere of harmony. Though it is often best to be direct in reconciling, sometimes it is better to be indirect or more subtle, or to present only a partial disclosure, depending on the circumstances and people involved. Sometimes attempting to reconcile should be deferred until later. Consult with your sponsor to find the correct method for each predicament. Indirect ways of reconciling can include prayer, meditation, or simply changing our behavior. We can stop pretending that certain people don’t exist or that they are inferior when they are in our presence. We become strong enough to forgive--as we were forgiven. Whenever possible means exactly that. Some people are no longer part of our lives; prayer may be the way to mend in these cases. Others may be dead—we can visit their graves or places of entombment, or pray. Often we can write a letter, share it with a friend, and then burn it. There are many methods to choose from that can expand our ways of reconciliation. Reconcile, except when to do so would injure others or ourselves. Determining how or when the direct attempt might injure can be difficult. We need to seek advice by talking to our sponsor, experienced 12-Step members, and to our Higher Power. We must take this Step constructively—not vindictively—to build relationships. Step Nine is meant to bring us into harmonious relationships with those around us. Completion of this Step will help family, friends, and many whom we have estranged to realize that implementing the principles of the program has made us happy, joyous, and conscientious members of society. By working the program, we will comprehend the meaning of dignity, empathy, and humility. By filling our hearts with love and peace, we extend forgiveness and restore relationships where needed.

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PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP NINE 1.

Which people on your list require that you make amends to them? What are your concerns?

How does hatred for others interfere with your ability to love your Higher Power and accept His grace? How will this affect your life?

What is your reaction to the idea of empathizing and reconciling with those who have done you or your loved ones wrong?

What does empathizing with and taking steps toward reconciliation mean to you?

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Why is it important to be filled with empathy and compassion for those you are estranged from? What is the difference between empathy and compassion?

Describe how prayer and writing can help you reconcile when direct contact is not possible or not the proper choice.

List the people with whom you can make only partial amends or reconciliation because complete disclosure could cause harm to them or others. Describe each situation.

List any difficulties you are having in reconciling with those who hold feelings of resentment or bitterness against you or your loved ones.

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List the situations in which direct amends or reconciliation could have serious negative results.

10.

How can changing your behavior toward others be seen as steps to reconcile in certain circumstances? What circumstances?

11.

Whom on your list could you reconcile with in this way?

12.

How can your sponsor help you in preparing to reconcile with others for their wrong doings?

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13.

How has passing judgment on others caused you to minimize your wrongs and conjure up some form of biased grace? How will this harm you?

14.

Why is being impatient to reconcile possibly harmful? Are you being patient or are you procrastinating?

15.

Why is it better to give than to receive? What do you expect to receive if you are filled with brotherly and sisterly love?

16.

How is faith helping you work Step Nine? Are you doing a thorough job in making amends and reconciling?

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17.

What is the difference between empathy and sympathy?

18.

How do you distinguish between apologies, amends, and reconciliation? Are you ready to take action?

19.

List examples where you expressed your feelings, but did not or could not reconcile.

20.

How are you damaged when you seek revenge? What dedicated enemy is known as the scorekeeper?

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PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP NINE

21.

List examples of unforgivingness, lack of empathy, and personal failure. How did you deal with them?

22.

What caused these problems? How have these problems helped you to have compassion and respect for others who fail you?

23.

In which areas of your life are you still being stubborn or foolish?

24.

How will completing Step Nine enable you to bury the past and improve self-esteem?

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PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP NINE

25.

Are you having difficulties in expressing your love or gratitude to others?

26.

How are honesty, empathy, and compassion bringing serenity to your life? How is your being responsible and thoughtful affecting those around you?

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INSPIRATIONAL READING WHEN WE EMPATHIZE WITH OTHERS WE CAN FORGIVE AND ACCEPT OURSELVES MORE FULLY. WHEN WE EXTEND COMPASSION TO THOSE WE ARE DISSOCIATED FROM, WE DIMINISH NEGATIVE ENERGY. OUR FELLOWSHIP OFFERS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR US TO EMPATHIZE WITH OTHERS AND UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE FRIENDS. VINDICTIVELY TAKING OTHERS’ INVENTORIES CAN PREVENT US FROM BEING HONEST WITH OURSELVES. SPREADING DISTASTEFUL RUMORS CAN CAUSE DISSENTION THAT RETURNS EXPONENTIALLY. OUR HIGHER POWER DOES NOT GIVE AND FORGIVE ON AN EXCHANGE BASIS. WE HAVE RECEIVED HIS GRACE BY NO MERIT OF OUR OWN. HOWEVER, IT IS OUR OBLIGATION TO OFFER COMPASSION, KINDNESS, AND GOODNESS TO OTHERS.

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MAINTENANCE STEP--PERSEVERANCE STEP TEN: "WE CONTINUE TO TAKE PERSONAL INVENTORY, AND WHEN WE ARE WRONG, PROMPTLY ADMIT IT." Step Ten presents the adventure of honest observation. Taking care of ourselves in more effective ways, relating to others in new ways, and living what we have learned; these become skills that increase with practice. Step Ten helps free us from the disabling bondage of self. It frees us from the conflict we generate in the present. If we disregard our defects they can cause us to fall back into our old ways. Constant watchfulness is the price paid for deliverance from our corrupted thoughts, motives, and behavior. We can nurture our newfound successes by the daily practice of: 1. Communing with our Higher Power--constantly. 2. Praising Him and being thankful for His love. 3. Opening our hearts to the Spirit. 4. Holding onto life, holding onto what is good, and doing our best to abstain from all evil. We can be freed from our old ideals. We have a choice, but it has the price of continual alertness in taking our personal inventory. One change that should quickly appear: interacting with others assumes a new quality (our relating skills have improved). We focus our watchfulness on thoughts, motives, words, and actions. Any of them can get us into trouble. We need to first look at our thoughts and motives. Most mistakes start here. By watching the way we think and feel, our words and actions will usually turn out all right (as long as we think before we speak or act). We examine our behavior for selfishness, dishonesty, insensitivity, and procrastination. We try to avoid being critical or unforgiving. Are we manipulating others, compulsively rescuing or enabling others, being too perfectionist, or playing the victim or martyr role? Our assets also deserve attention. They can include: humility, self-value, honesty, forgiveness, trust, compassion, empathy, generosity, and promptness. False pride and complacency have a way of playing tricks on us in the inventory process. They lead us into a misguided sense of self-satisfaction where we are satisfied with our thoughts and content with our knowledge. False pride and complacency can lead to relapse or backsliding. We must learn to push all sense of false pride aside. 131

MAINTENANCE STEP--PERSEVERANCE

We can cause injury to others and ourselves through our own greed, ignorance, or carelessness. There are other times when we appear to be victims. We are not the only ones. Throughout the world, people are moping over injustices and wrongs that they are not willing to accept. We canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t afford this kind of thinking, even when we are seemingly innocent victims. When we empathize with and forgive others, and turn it over to our Higher Power, we experience spiritual freedom. We must avoid the justified resentment. We are not saying that other people always do the right thingâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;that no harm has occurred. We only refuse to cause further harm to others and ourselves by becoming overly disturbed. We drop revenge, bitterness, and loathing. We rise above circumstances and demonstrate love and forgiveness. We accept the reality of today, which is an exercise in faith; it strengthens our relationship with our Higher Power. In all things our Higher Power is working for good, for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. To work Step Ten effectively, we need to pay special attention to promptly admitting our wrongs. The sooner we admit and right our wrongs, the sooner we repair the harm done to our character. We need to take a full, unbiased assessment of each situation. Vigilance in a daily inventory and promptly taking care of things that are inconsistent with the program helps us develop a solid spiritual base. Life is constantly changing and each change requires adjustment and then preparation for continuing change. Daily personal inventory is as important as prayer. The rewards in personal growth are well worth the time. SPOT-CHECK INVENTORY During our daily routine we need to mentally step outside our immediate circumstances and assess who we are, what we are doing, and what direction our life is taking. We must keep attuned to the Spirit. Spot-check inventory is a name for this. We stop ourselves and become aware of subtle changes in the direction of our thinking. Without this spot-check inventory, we could begin to act in ways that are inconsistent with spiritual values. We could be acting on our negative emotions. We do not want to act on grudges, ignorance, or feelings of fear. We do not want to judge how we feel on the inside by our outward appearance or our circumstances. We no longer have to seek unhealthy approval from others or live with the feeling that we have a void that needs to be filled.

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DAILY INVENTORY At the end of our day, in our journal we review what has happened. We examine our lives. This personal journal, when used properly, becomes a vehicle that will take the writer on a spiritual journey to the true Self. During this journey, we can explore as deeply into our lives as we wish and travel at our own pace. We may want to divide our journal into sections. As a start, we can categorize personal history, physical health, prayers, dreams/goals, and a gratitude list. As we grow, so does our journal. Every time we make a new section we may want to add a divider (in a loose-leaf three-ring folder). Another idea is to use a micro-cassette recorder to simplify taking notes. Then we can do a weekly written synopsis. LONG TERM PERIODIC INVENTORY Two or three times a year we should schedule time to reflect on our long-term progress, reviewing the written inventory for that period. These are special times for reflecting on our lives. We can attend a retreat for this purpose, or simply arrange time to be alone. During these long term inventories we remember that our Higher Power provides the strength and direction and we provide the desire and action, and that our progress comes from the spiritual growth we have achieved through partnership with Him. This long-term inventory can also help us recognize problem areas or inconsistencies in our lives. It provides the time to assess and to make necessary corrections. We may uncover certain ineffective behavior as a result of careful analysis. A long-term periodic inventory can be a time for a more thorough self-appraisal. The direction our lives are taking is no longer an overwhelming mystery to us. We look into our journal and find what progress we have made, where we have been, and by looking at our growth, we have a better idea of where we are heading. We deserve to be good to ourselves. We realize that a life without spiritual direction taught us to survive only minimally. This program and its many ingredients for successful living help us to develop an eternal perspective and live life to its fullest.

133

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PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP TEN 1.

How will daily inventory help you develop the ability to evaluate your behavior?

How has working the program helped you turn from unhealthy behavior and seek a responsible way of life?

Are you working Step Ten on a daily basis? Is your spot check inventory helping you assesses your behavior so that when you are wrong you are promptly admitting it?

How does stopping yourself throughout the day and making a spot-check inventory support your spiritual growth?

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How do you view your new life? What new progress have you made as a result of working the Steps?

How can a long term inventory help you to stay focused on your progress? How can this inventory help you remember where you came from?

Do you understand the spot check inventory? When properly done, how will this inventory save you from unnecessary hardships?

List examples that show you are learning better ways of relating to others.

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Cite recent situations where you did not behave appropriately. What did you do when you realized you were in error?

10.

How do prayer and meditation help you make your daily inventory?

11.

Do you have any difficulty asking your Higher Power for help? Explain.

12.

How has faith enabled you to look at yourself in the mirror and accept who you are?

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13.

How have you avoided a thorough examination of yourself? Do you rationalize some of your character defects? How does denial support your irresponsible behavior?

14.

How has your relationship with your Higher Power helped you to accept that you or a loved one contracted HIV? Can you accept that you/they might not be able to put the virus in remission? Do you have unresolved fears? Explain.

15.

What old defects have you discovered as a result of your new awareness?

16.

What can you do to take better care of your health? How can a daily inventory help you keep focused on your health?

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17.

Do you view yourself as an outcast as a result of this disease? Are you living in denial, repression, and fear? If you are experiencing physical pain, how are you dealing with it?

18.

How is doing an inventory helping you remain free of the guilt, pain, and resentments you may have had over this affliction? How is this inventory helping you grow?

19.

List examples where you have been too hard on yourself. Describe the feelings that resulted from beating yourself up.

20.

Have you done a long term inventory? If not, what are you waiting for? Do you think it will help you assess your progress?

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21.

Do you occasionally slip back into denial or making excuses for inappropriate behavior? Explain.

22.

What precautions are you taking to keep yourself from falling into unhealthy behaviors? Do you have people praying for you? Do you believe that prayer can help your physical health?

23.

What success are you having in taking a daily inventory, seeing your character defects and shortcomings, and promptly admitting them?

24.

How are your new habits of a spot check inventory and a daily inventory supporting your new life? Describe the changes in your life.

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Taking personal inventory and promptly admitting our wrongs is one aspect of Step Ten. Another facet of this personal inventory is to consider it is a character defect not to promptly address situations when we have been wronged and harbor resentments.

25.

Harboring resentments and not communicating with people who have harmed, hurt, or insulted you can produce unnecessary tension. Are you willing to communicate with those around you? Do you think you can do this in a constructive way?

26.

Do you think it is necessary to always communicate with others who have done you wrong, or do you think that, with the help of your Higher Power, sometimes you can let it go and forgive on your own? Explain.

27.

Has holding onto resentments and not properly communicating caused you unnecessary anguish? Do you think you can learn from these experiences? Explain.

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28.

142

Do you occasionally make excuses for not communicating with others and let resentments build? Explain.

INSPIRATIONAL READING TAKING PERIODIC SPOT CHECK INVENTORIES THROUGHOUT THE DAY AND MAKING A DAILY INVENTORY WILL HELP TRAIN US TO MAINTAIN OUR PERSPECTIVE AND BE SENSITIVE TO OUR BEHAVIOR. IN THE PAST, FALSE PRIDE MAY HAVE HINDERED US FROM PROMPTLY ADMITTING OUR WRONGS. WORKING STEP TEN HELPS US CORRECT AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR WRONGS. A THOROUGH DAILY INVENTORY WILL HELP US TO VISUALIZE THE GLORIOUS REALITY BEHIND THIS WORLD OF SEEMING. WE SHOULD VIEW HIV AS A STEPPING STONE, NOT A STUMBLING BLOCK, AND HAVE FAITH THAT OUR HIGHER POWER WILL GIVE US STRENGTH ACCORDING TO OUR NEEDS. IT IS IMPORTANT TO BE PROACTIVE. HOLISTIC MEDICINE, ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE, COMPLEMENTARY MEDICINE, NATURAL MEDICINE, OR MEDICAL THERAPY ARE ALL PART OF THAT. WE NEED TO HAVE FAITH THAT OUR HIGHER POWER LOVES US. WE NEED TO HAVE FAITH TO ENDURE ALL OF OUR TESTS AND CHALLENGES. OUR HIGHER POWER WILL MAKE A WAY WHERE THERE SEEMS TO BE NO WAY. HE WORKS IN WAYS WE CANNOT ALWAYS SEE. WHEN WE SEEK OUR HIGHER POWER'S WILL, RATHER THAN WHAT WE WANT, HE ROOTS AND GROUNDS US IN A NEW-FOUND EQUILIBRIUM.

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THE SPIRITUAL SOLUTION STEP ELEVEN: "WE SEEK THROUGH PRAYER AND MEDITATION TO IMPROVE OUR CONSCIOUS CONTACT WITH OUR HIGHER POWER, PRAYING FOR THE KNOWLEDGE OF HIS WILL FOR US AND THE POWER TO CARRY THAT OUT." The basic principles of Step Eleven have been taught in the workings of the previous Steps. If we have been sincere and diligent, we have developed a relationship with our Higher Power, the source of guidance, who enriches our lives. One sign of a good working of Step Eleven is a sense of gratitude, accompanied by a feeling of belonging to our Higher Power. We recognize problems more quickly and correct them promptly. Prayer and meditation are natural processes. They facilitate our conscious contact with our Higher Power. They are responses to our relationship with Him. They are two parts of the same process. Prayer is addressing spiritual realms, and meditation is the highest state of communion. To continue our growth, we regularly repeat Steps Ten and Eleven. To protect what we have learned, we continually seek to know our Higher Powerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s will for us. Daily inventory, prayer, and meditation are channels for understanding ourselves and maintaining our relationship with divine agencies. We need faith, persistence, and determination, as well as divine love (which will cast out unhealthy fear). AN INTRODUCTION TO EFFECTIVE PRAYER This Step helps us expand our understanding of prayer and how to channel it. As we review our prayer life, we might see that weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re adhering to old patterns of prayer that do not reflect our newfound relationship with our Higher Power. Many of us have tried to petition spiritual realms with prayer, and then lost faith in any concept of a Higher Power as a result of having our wishes denied. We perceived prayer as a vehicle to lobby cosmic representatives. We asked for material things or tried to manipulate circumstances, expecting things to turn our way according to our perception of what should happen. We may have asked for guidance in achieving our worldly goals. This is vastly different from surrendering to Him and trusting that we will be safely guided. Some of us petitioned spirits of darkness. We may have prayed for irresponsible or deviated circumstances and things; we may have prayed to hurt or inflict hardships on others and saw magical manifestations. This Step teaches us that we must not undertake and be fixed on bringing about particular events or conditions, or particular solutions to our problems when praying. 145

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Prayer is an appeal, a supplication made in humility with the expectation of being satisfied with whatever answer we receive (and often our perception of no answer is the answer, "no.") We are not God. It is not our job to manipulate or completely understand the justice or what we think of as the injustice of the world. We should not be fixed on manipulating the spiritual realm. Our Higher Power has a view of the end from the beginning. However, the overall result is not preordained; it is accomplished through our efforts meshing with our Higher Power's will. He knows things from the future and brings them to the present. Do you think He has overlooked our problems and illnesses? Manipulating in the spiritual realm is not our job. It’s not logical to try to control it. We work in partnership with our Higher Power and take constructive measures. In addition, we accept the realities of today. Some aspects of prayer are common to all of us. We share an inner need to communicate with our Higher Power. We pray for and give our blessings to others, but we stop trying to manipulate our environment in selfish ways. We may be praying with wrong motives or poor understanding. We make no disgraceful requests when we recognize what is valuable, and we want nothing less. As we work the program, our relationship with our Higher Power grows. This growth is demonstrated in our ability to pray effectively. We learn to pray for wisdom, knowledge, His Power, and the means to carry out His will. As we learn our Higher Power’s revealed will, we should ask for specifics. He takes joy in fulfilling our requests. He desires us to ask for specifics to actively involve us in our spiritual development—to enhance discernment and perception. With study and practice we learn to discern His will for us. Obedience to spiritual principles and our Higher Power’s revealed will is primary to our discerning His further leading of our lives. SOME GUIDELINES ON MEDITATION Meditation is a way of entering into Divine knowledge. It is a vital form of communication. It sets aside our self-will so we can receive guidance from the Spirit. We must submit ourselves to our Higher Power with a willingness to receive new revelations and obey them. Meditation can give us direction, guidance, strength, and insight into the future. However, meditation (which involves receptivity) is an advanced skill and should be approached with caution. Negative forces can fill our mind. It can take years of attentiveness to know which voice is true (discernment of spirits). 146

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When we empty the mind during certain kinds of meditation, we are in a sense abandoning the driver’s seat. And unless we know exactly what we are doing, we can receive revelations inconsistent to God’s plan for our lives. For example, there are people who run their lives with self-serving demands for answers from their higher power. To any questioning of their actions they refer to their reliance upon meditation for guidance in all matters. This sole reliance upon meditation can be very disruptive. Many people do not realize that their human tendency to rationalize matters, combined with negative forces, can distort so-called guidance. With good intentions, the inflated ego is interjected into all sorts of situations and circumstances. This lack of discernment causes suffering and problems more often than not. We begin to develop our meditation skills by reading daily meditation books and pondering on what we have read. We should meditate on what we have read, not on our demands. This kind of meditation calms us and relaxes us. It creates a dash of confidence and a feeling of serenity. With this type of meditation, we release energy normally depleted in anxiety. As we meditate on the spiritual attributes, and practice them, we exalt our Higher Power in our whole being. Many people make a point of getting in touch with their Higher Power first thing in the morning and last thing at night. However, since prayer and meditation are in essence communion, commune as often as you can. This reminds us that we must stay humble, as well as attentive, throughout the day to stay with guidance. For most of us, seeking guidance is an experience in humility because we were accustomed to running our own lives. We make demands on our Higher Power to give us what we think we want and need. Again, our own desires and opinions are so ingrained that we may at times view His will as a manifestation of what we think should happen. Sudden changes in our lives can happen if we understand and follow the program carefully. Other changes are gradual. As we gain skills we better sustain this lifestyle. We don’t create these ingredients for living and edification. We only discover and make use of them. There should be very little strain in doing our Higher Power’s will once we accept and recognize His will for our own.

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PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP ELEVEN 1.

How can the principles of Step Eleven help you interact better with spiritual forces? Who and what is your Higher Power?

How does this Step help you get in touch with the Spirit and open your heart and mind to knowing His will?

Do you understand that faith without good works is foolishness? Do you understand your role in following through with constructive actions to achieve your own personal best?

Has this program helped you to learn new prayer and meditation skills? Explain the changes that have taken place.

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Do you ever pray with your friends? Do you have certain people that you have asked to pray for you? Describe any difficulties you having in praying out loud with your friends.

Do you have a support group of friends, relatives, and professionals that will be available if you or your loved one gets severely ill?

Do you have a morning meditation time? How will daily reading of a morning meditation book improve your conscious contact with your Higher Power?

What do you experience when quietly praying? Describe any feelings of peacefulness or discomfort you have in doing this.

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Cite a situation where you believe your Higher Power showed you the correct path to follow. How are your relationships with your loved ones going?

10.

How do you deal with pain? Do you feel your Higher Power is punishing you? Do you believe we should not try to play God and that we must endure until our Higher Power delivers us from our body?

11.

What current medications are you on? How can taking medication help? When can it hurt? Do you take vitamins or herbs?

12.

Name a current request you have made of your Higher Power. How does this show that you are seeking His will, rather than what you think you want and need?

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13.

Are you keeping a prayer journal? How will it affect your program if you procrastinate in your writing?

14.

What problem behaviors have subsided? Does this confirm to you that you are conforming to spiritual principles rather than to your own idea of what is right?

15.

How do you deal with fear? Do you use the telephone as a tool to communicate and build a support system?

16.

It is easier to follow complex medication schedules if you are confident you can do so, and if you have a network of friends and others to support you. Are you confident that you can adhere to your medication schedule? Do you have support?

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17.

Do you want to be known as a wise person? Are you making wise decisions? Have you made a commitment to read at least a little spiritual material everyday?

18.

How will faith help you change the things you can? Are you achieving your own personal best?

19.

How does the fellowship of HIV Anonymous help strengthen your faith? Do you understand the importance of intercessory prayer?

20.

Describe a recent situation where you delayed acting because you were waiting for knowledge of your Higher Powerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s will. What were the results?

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21.

Do you smoke or drink alcohol? Do you understand the dangers that smoking and/or drinking will have on your overall health? If you smoke or drink do you care about the effects, or do you plan on quitting? Explain.

22.

Do you have an exercise routine that you follow? Do you go to the dentist regularly? Do you drink enough water every day? How are your eating habits? Explain.

23.

What is your opinion of your life today? How has the quality of your life improved as a result of your working the Steps?

24.

Do you have specific times when you pray? Do you pray for other people on a regular basis? Do you realize how much your Higher Power loves to hear a selfless appeal from you? Explain.

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INSPIRATIONAL READING PRAYER AND MEDITATION ARE INDISPENSABLE SKILLS THAT HELP FACILITATE OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR HIGHER POWER. WE NEED TO REALIZE HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO CONTINUALLY BE IMPROVING OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR HIGHER POWER THROUGH PRAYER AND MEDITATION. WE DEVELOP THESE SKILLS BY READING SPIRITUAL MATERIAL AND SPENDING QUIET TIME IN CONTEMPLATION AND PRAYER. THE SPIRIT RESPONDS TO EVERY PRAYER FOR HELP AND GUIDANCE. AS WE DEVELOP OUR DISCERNMENT WE REALIZE THAT HIS LESSONS ARE ALWAYS IN OUR BEST INTEREST. SEEKING TO KNOW OUR HIGHER POWER’S WILL FOR US, AND PRAYING FOR THE POWER AND MEANS TO CARRY IT OUT, ARE WAYS THAT HIS SPIRIT HAS REPEATEDLY INSTRUCTED US TO FOLLOW. IF WE WALK IN THE WAY OF TRUTH, THE BLESSING OF THE SPIRIT WILL APPEAR. FOR EXAMPLE, SOME OF THE GIFTS THAT APPEAR COME IN THE FORM OF UNBLEMISHED FAITH, A PURE HEART, A CLEAR CONSCIENCE, DIGNITY, AND LEGITIMATE SELF-ESTEEM.

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LIFE, ACTION, AND SERVICE STEP TWELVE: "HAVING HAD A SPIRITUAL AWAKENING AS A RESULT OF THESE STEPS, WE PREPARE OURSELVES THROUGH FAITH. WE WILL TRY TO CARRY THIS MESSAGE TO OTHERS AND DEMONSTRATE THESE PRINCIPLES IN ALL AREAS OF OUR LIVES." As we finalize the Twelve Steps, we realize that the journey has just begun. We find that inner healing is not only the goal in transformation, it is a starting point. We are just beginning our life-long journey of implementing spiritual principles and concepts that will enhance our equilibriumâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;it is an unfolding experience, and unceasing. To continue our spiritual development we must carry this message of hope. If we are sincere, diligent, and humble, our spirituality will develop exponentially. It is when we implement spiritual principles that their real value is revealed. This new awareness shifts our value system. We turn away from foolishness. We notice subtle changes in ourselvesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;though sometimes only in hindsight. We seek spiritual healing through faith and knowledge, and experience fulfillment in good works. As we worked our way through the Steps, personal intuition told us that there was hope for us. As we continue with the cycle of this process, we practice what we have learned. We begin to receive the blessings that come from dedication. We gain maturity by working the Steps. This enables us to view all of our experiences (including painful ones) as spiritual in nature. Our spiritual growth, therefore, can be viewed as a sum of these individual experiences. We now realize that all of the events in our lives are pulling together to reveal our connection with the spiritual world. In our experiences, we can identify the ways in which the Spirit has guided us. This inner growth can profoundly affect our outer lives. We have probably seen dramatic, positive changes happen. We can begin to act more constructively than ever before. Often, occurrences that we have nothing to do with improve immensely. When we are working a good program, we automatically attract harmonious relationships, and positive events enter into our lives. These outward signs reflect our spiritual awakening and a Divine Influence in our lives. We continue to move forward, reinforced by Divine Power. We must continue our spiritual development until we are delivered from this realm of existence. Returning repeatedly to the many ingredients for transformation, we make this endeavor an ongoing journey of love and friendships. The program will always be here for us, to lead us into love, joy, serenity, and life everlasting. 157

LIFE, ACTION, AND SERVICE

We can come to feel liberated when we carry this message to those who are in bondage, as we once were. Sharing our message of hope can strengthen our own program and advance our spiritual growth. In return, the new strengths and insights we receive can help us continue our growth in heart, mind, and spirit. Our ability to demonstrate positive change can convince others of the value of this program. In this way, the program grows and prospers for others and us. As we share our experience with newcomers, we should try to inspire them to work with a Higher Power, get a sponsor, look at themselves honestly, and take care of themselves. Working with newcomers is gratifying; it can heighten our appreciation of how far we have come. We should reflect on where we were when we were first introduced to the program. We can empathize with those who come to meetings feeling troubled, confused, and resentful. As they get to know us, they often discover that the decision to join is an individual one, made by most of us when we decided we werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t living life to the fullest--it was then that we were willing to surrender. The discipline of taking our problems through the Steps need not be overwhelming. We should eliminate most of our confusion as we invite the unfailing support and guidance from the Spirit. The result can leave us with a sense of inner peace and with increased confidence in our ability to deal with life on lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s terms. The process is gradual, regenerative, and ongoing. We will slowly become more responsive to divine agencies. We will begin to internalize the meaning of humility, faith, trust, joy, and serenity. By living this program, we more and more demonstrate qualities such as unconditional love, sharing, hope, surrender, tolerance, patience, self-respect, honesty, openmindedness, and willingness to followâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and to lead. Mental health, for example, is demonstrated in qualities such as knowledge, common sense, and perspective. Positive feelings and attitudes demonstrate emotional health. Good nutrition, exercise, and health education help to develop physical health. We often also notice progress in these ways: feelings of happiness and better relations with others, improved self-understanding, and growth in maturity. These all come into our lives through a personal relationship with our Higher Power. We come to realize these qualities by taking action based on them, combined with prayer, meditation, and faith. We need to practice genuine humility to the extent that our blessings may never spoil us and our hardships do not defeat us. We notice that life is open-ended, challenging, and rewarding. 158

PERSONAL STEP GUIDE--STEP TWELVE 1.

Are you enthusiastic about carrying this message of hope to others? Describe a situation where you helped someone merely by being a good example.

How is your spiritual awareness helping you prepare yourself though faith? How has it strengthened your relationships with your family and friends?

Describe recent accomplishments of yours. Explain how keeping a positive attitude can help your family or those you love have faith. How can you help newcomers in the program discover the same blessing in their lives?

What connections do you seek between this program and the world? Are you willing to go outside the program and help others?

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Cite a recent situation in which you called someone you love and made them feel more confident about your affliction. How did it affect you?

How have your bad habits affected your health? Do these habits make those around you upset or scared for your personal well-being?

Cite a recent situation in which you called someone to offer them encouragement without wanting anything for yourself. Describe your feelings. Why should you do this on a regular basis?

What do you tell your family and loved ones to reassure them that everything is going to be all right? How does this help you?

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How does demonstrating the principles of the program in all areas of your life exemplify your Higher Power's love at work? How does it help you carry this message to others?

10.

Have you outgrown the party mentality? Have you moved away from your old friendships or relationships that no longer reflect what you want for your life? If not, who or what do you need to get away from?

11.

How does your new awareness help you live constructively, have real fun and friends, and truly enjoy who you are? Can you comprehend the word dignity?

12.

Cite an example where you were behaving inappropriately and someone kindly helped you. Do you think you can offer that kind of loving help to others? Explain.

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13.

List a recent concern you have had. Describe your experience of working it out by applying the principles of the Twelve Steps.

14.

There are many ways to support HIV Anonymous. Describe a few of the ways you can help.

15.

Describe a current situation in your life where you really needed your sponsor to help you. Are you still taking direction from him or her?

16.

Explain how you experience the Spirit guiding you. In what ways do you believe Ministering Spirits are positively influencing your loved ones?

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INSPIRATIONAL READING “ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS” (WORDS ARE CHEAP). IT IS MORE EFFECTIVE TO WITNESS A PRINCIPLE APPLIED THAN TO HEAR A LECTURE ABOUT IT (THOUGH LECTURE DOES HAVE VALUE). WE MUST ACT CONSTRUCTIVELY--OUR ACTIONS SPEAK FOR US. THEY ARE DEFINITIVE BENCHMARKS OF OUR COMMITMENT TO DEMONSTRATE SPIRITUAL LOVE IN OUR LIVES. THE PRINCIPLES AND CONCEPTS OF THE PROGRAM ARE INSTRUMENTS THROUGH WHICH WE CAN PROSPER, AND THROUGH WHICH WE LEARN TO CARRY THIS MESSAGE OF HOPE TO OTHERS. HAVING HAD A SPIRITUAL AWAKENING AS A RESULT OF THESE STEPS WE COME TO REALIZE THAT TRUE LOVE IS FILLED WITH ITSELF AND IT IS NOT CAPABLE OF DEFEATING ITS OWN PURPOSE. IN OTHER WORDS, I HAVE LEARNED THE TRUE MEANING OF LOVE AND I WILL DO MY BEST TO NEVER INTENTIONALLY PUT ANYONE (INCLUDING MY SELF) IN HARM'S WAY.

LIVE AS IF EVERY MOMENT COUNTS--IT DOES!

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A SHORT EVALUATION OF THE 12 STEPS Step One is the membership requirement Step. Steps Two, Three, and Eleven are the spiritual Steps. Steps Four, Five, Six, Seven, and Ten are the personal inventory Steps. Steps Eight and Nine are the reconciliation Steps. Step Twelve is implementing these principles in our daily lives. So, five areas of focus are: 1) Membership 2) Spiritual basis 3) Personal inventory 4) Reconciliation 5) Lifestyle These are the basics: 1. Admission of a source of our problems. 2. Reliance on our Higher Power for guidance in spiritual recovery. 3. Willingness to inventory our experiences, present condition, and future plans. 4. Sharing this inventory with another. 5. Readiness to deal with our ineffective behaviors. 6. Taking steps to reconcile with others in order to rid them and ourselves of resentments. 7. Commitment to these principles as a continuing way of life. Many individuals tend to think of this disease in terms of what they cannot handleâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;or what they see on the surface. We must come to terms with the totality of our lives and realize that every experience is integrated, whole, complete, and valuable in itself. All experiences are interconnected and interactive; they relate to a greater Connectedness, a Wholeness that supersedes them. One aspect of our condition is that our usefulness as channels for helping others is a direct result of our experiences in our affliction.

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A SHORT EVALUATION OF THE 12 STEPS

Each of us has an inner need for fellowship. When we are with others who have had similar experiences, we can say, “Yes, I understand--I felt that way too--I knew that but could never put it into words--I had no knowledge of this myself”--and we can grow.

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ANOTHER VIEW OF THE STEPS Step One says, I can’t change the fact that I am powerless over the fact that I am infected/ affected by HIV, that my life has the potential to become unmanageable. This calls for honesty, acceptance, and awareness of fear. I must honestly admit the fear that comes with knowing that I have or someone I love contracted HIV. Step Two says, He can manage my life. I must have an open mind, and accept with hope that this Power exists, that He can guide me. Step Three says, I’ll let Him manage my life. I must be willing to surrender in faith to my Higher Power. I make a decision. “I can’t...”, “He can...”, “I’ll let Him...” signifies gratitude. Gratitude is saying, "I can’t do it alone and that’s OK, because I have my Higher Power and a fellowship to help me." These first three Steps bring us to the first dimension of the program: getting right with our Higher Power. Step Four takes courage. Step Five calls for integrity. Step Six requires willingness. Step Seven calls for humility. Steps Four, Five, Six, and Seven are the personal inventory Steps. They lead into the second dimension of the program: getting right with self. Step Eight encourages brotherly love, which is our duty. Step Nine involves discipline, and is our obligation. Steps Eight and Nine are the reconciliation Steps. They lead us into the third dimension of the program: getting right with others. Step Ten is perseverance. Step Eleven is increased awareness of our Spiritual relationship. Step Twelve is service. Steps Ten, Eleven, and Twelve are the maintenance Steps, bringing us to the fourth dimension of the program: Spirit.

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ANOTHER VIEW OF THE STEPS

The dimensions are progressive. When worked in order, a basic concept is that they illustrate how to become interdependent: 1. Our Higer Power comes first. Our relationship with our Higher Power must be first to avoid running on an inflated ego. 2. Place self second. To transmit love we must possess Love. 3. Place others third. This doesn’t mean self-centeredness. It means that when we take care of our personal needs first, then we can better serve our fellow human beings. We become self-contained through surrendering and independent through faith. This allows us freedom to interact with others in a healthy manner.

Key principles to the Steps are: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12.

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Honesty--Admittance--Fear--I can’t Open-mindedness--Acceptance--Hope--He can Willingness--Surrender--Faith--I’ll let Him Courage Integrity Willingness Humility Brotherly Love--Duty Discipline--Obligation Perseverance Spiritual Awareness Lifestyle--Service

PERSONAL EXPERIENCES OF TRANSFORMATION FOR WHATEVER INSPIRATION OR HOPE THEY CAN GIVE With diligence and scrupulous attention we progress. It is not enough to be educated. Right living and right relationships go with right doctrine. We must have commitment and discipline to serve. We must be disciplined as individuals, and orderly as a group. We don’t practice diligent service, discipline, and obedience because we are hoping for an earthly reward. We confess, submit, and commit ourselves to our Higher Power with joy and thankfulness--in love of service. 1.

WE LEARN TO LIVE ONE DAY AT A TIME AND ACCEPT THE REALITY OF TODAY.

WE DIMINISH SELF-CENTEREDNESS AND GAIN COMPASSION.

OUR WHOLE ATTITUDE AND OUTLOOK CHANGE.

WE KNOW A NEW FREEDOM AND EXPERIENCE PURE JOY.

WE HAVE A STRONG IDENTITY AND GROW IN SELF-APPROVAL.

WE REPLACE SELF-WILL WITH A HIGHER-POWERED CONSCIENCE.

WE RESPECT PROPER AUTHORITY AND STAND UNITED FOR FREEDOM.

NO MATTER HOW FAR DOWN THE SCALE WE HAVE GONE, WE DO NOT DWELL ON THE PAST, NOR WISH TO SHUT THE DOOR ON IT. WE NOW SEE HOW OUR PAST CAN BENEFIT OTHERS.

WE READILY HANDLE SITUATIONS THAT USED TO PERPLEX US.

10.

WE KNOW HOPE--INSTEAD OF DESPERATION; FAITH--INSTEAD OF DESPAIR; SERENITY--INSTEAD OF CONFUSION; AND A CLEAN PATTERN OF LIFE--INSTEAD OF A HOPELESS EXISTENCE.

11.

WE DEVELOP AN ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE.

12.

WE REALIZE THAT OUR HIGHER POWER IS NOW DOING FOR US WHAT WE COULD NOT DO FOR OURSELVES.

Are these extravagant claims of transformations? We think not. We are experiencing these changes among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes gradually. They can appear when we work for them.

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A VISION FOR US The outline for successful living as presented in this manuscript is our Higher Power’s truth revealed in the light and love of a new era. We must realize that we have just begun this journey to wisdom and knowledge. Our Higher Power will gradually disclose more to us if we are faithful and persistent in meditation and attention. In our morning prayers we ask what we can do to carry this message of hope effectively. Answers will come if our own lives are in order. We keep a conscious contact with reverence in this way—and through meditation—so that great events can come to be. Surrender yourself to the Spirit of Truth. Articulate your goals and aspirations. Admit your character defects and shortcomings to your Higher Power and your spiritual advisor; right the wrongs you need to. This will help clear away the wreckage of your past and pave the way for your future. Give freely of what you gain. We are with you in the fellowship of the Spirit. We are the league of comprehensive awareness; may you awaken to its power. You will surely come closer to us as you progress on the road of eternal glory. May your faith fill you with strength, perseverance, and tenacity.

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GUIDELINES FOR MEETINGS These guidelines have been developed to increase the effectiveness of the group as a whole. The guidelines offered here have created a structure in the groups that have used them. The presentation of these guidelines is not meant as something to be rigidly imposed, but rather to offer one design that has worked. HIV Anonymous Open Meeting Introductory (Secretary starts the meeting) Welcome to HIV Anonymous. This is an open meeting of HIV Anonymous. At open meetings, everyone is welcome and you can identify yourself any way you choose. For example: My name is _________, and I have HIV; or my name is _______, and my brother, sister, or a friend has HIV; or simply state your first name. My name is _________, and I am your leader tonight. Let’s start with a moment of silence, followed by the Serenity Prayer. HIV Anonymous is not designed as therapy, although the results are therapeutic. The program provides a way for our members to identify with each other by sharing their experiences, strengths, and hopes; and their inexperience, weakness, and despair. It assists with goal setting, fosters positive thinking, and increases self-confidence. Our program provides a safe environment where differences are tolerated and where we can take responsibility for ourselves and not rely on someone else’s inventory. Our program is not allied with any sect or denomination. It is a spiritual program. Everyone is welcome, no matter what his or her affiliation. Let us not defeat our purpose by using terminology that may alienate newcomers or by entering into discussions concerning specific religious beliefs. If you are under the influence of any mind-altering drugs that are not prescribed for you or taken properly, or have had any alcohol to drink, we ask that you do not share. We give out chips at this meeting. The occasion for taking a chip is indicated by the day we were diagnosed and how long we have been living with HIV. Are there any newcomers with a diagnosis less than 30 days ago? If so, would you please come up and take a chip. This is not to embarrass you, but so we can get to know you better. It also represents a turning point at which you made a decision to live life on life’s terms. Does anyone have 30 days, sixty days, ninety days, six months, nine months, one year, or 18 months? Do we have any other annual acknowledgments? I will now turn the meeting over to _______, our leader. (Page one of two.)

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HIV Anonymous Open Meeting End We want to thank _______, our leader tonight. (Clap your hands so that everyone else does.) We want to thank ______, for bringing and preparing the refreshments. (Clap) Are there any 12-Step related announcements? As the Twelve Steps describe a personal path to enlightenment, the Twelve Traditions provide form and unity for our fellowship. Tonight I have asked_______, to read the Twelve Traditions. If anyone does not have a sponsor and wants one, please see ______, the GSR, after the meeting, and he/she will arrange for a temporary sponsor. We ask that everyone clean up his or her own mess. We need three or four volunteers to help clean up. Could you please raise your hands and meet with me after the meeting? The pamphlets on the table are free for the taking. The books are sold at our cost and your terms; please see one of us after the meeting. According to the Seventh Tradition, there are no dues or fees, but we are self-supporting through our own contributions. The money goes for rent, literature, and refreshments, and is to be kept within our meeting for the group benefit and HIV Anonymous as a whole. (Pass the collection bag/basket). We meet every ________ at ______. In closing, we remember that anonymity and confidentiality are essentials that must be respected. We can unburden our hearts and minds more freely if we can trust that whom we see and what we hear stays within this room. The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you want and leave the rest. Remember, when we want to talk to someone, we have our phone list. All newcomers make sure you get a copy. Please stay after the meeting for fellowship or to ask questions. In honor of both our willingness to be here tonight and our groupâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hope to be free of the unsettling emotions of HIV, let us join hands, because together we can do what we could not do alone, and close with a prayer (the Lordâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Prayer or the Serenity Prayer). (Page two of two.)

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HIV Anonymous Closed Meeting Introductory (Secretary starts the meeting) This is a closed meeting of HIV Anonymous. For personal reasons, if you have never been infected with HIV, we ask that you please leave. HIV Anonymous has many open meetings that you are welcome to attend. Hello, my name is _________, and I am your leader tonight. Welcome to HIV Anonymous. Let’s start with a moment of silence, followed by the Serenity Prayer. HIV Anonymous is not designed as therapy, although the results are therapeutic. The program provides a way for our members to identify with each other by sharing their experiences, strengths, and hopes; and their inexperience, weakness, and despair. It assists with goal setting, fosters positive thinking, and increases self-confidence. Our program provides a safe environment where differences are tolerated and where we can take responsibility for ourselves and not rely on someone else’s inventory. Our program is not allied with any sect or denomination. It is a spiritual program. Everyone is welcome, no matter what his or her affiliation. Let us not defeat our purpose by using terminology that may alienate newcomers or by entering into discussions concerning specific religious beliefs. If you are under the influence of any mind-altering drugs that are not prescribed for you or taken properly, or have had any alcohol to drink, we ask that you do not share. We give out chips at this meeting. The occasion for taking a chip is indicated by the day we were diagnosed and how long we have been living with HIV. Are there any newcomers with a diagnosis less than 30 days ago? If so, would you please come up and take a chip. This is not to embarrass you, but so we can get to know you better. It also represents a turning point at which you made a decision to live life on life’s terms. Does anyone have 30 days, sixty days, ninety days, six months, nine months, one year, or 18 months? Do we have any other annual acknowledgments? I will now turn the meeting over to _______, our leader. (Page one of two.)

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HIV Anonymous Closed Meeting End We want to thank _______, our leader tonight. (Clap your hands so that everyone else does.) We want to thank ______, for bringing and preparing the refreshments. (Clap) Are there any 12-Step related announcements? As the Twelve Steps describe a personal path to enlightenment, the Twelve Traditions provide form and unity for our fellowship. Tonight I have asked_______, to read the Twelve Traditions. If anyone does not have a sponsor and wants one, please see ______, the GSR, after the meeting, and he/she will arrange for a temporary sponsor. We ask that everyone clean up his or her own mess. We need three or four volunteers to help clean up. Could you please raise your hands and meet with me after the meeting? The pamphlets on the table are free for the taking. The books are sold at our cost and your terms; please see one of us after the meeting. According to the Seventh Tradition, there are no dues or fees, but we are self-supporting through our own contributions. The money goes for rent, literature, and refreshments, and is to be kept within our meeting for the group benefit and HIV Anonymous as a whole. (Pass the collection bag/basket). We meet every ________ at ______. In closing, we remember that anonymity and confidentiality are essentials that must be respected. We can unburden our hearts and minds more freely if we can trust that whom we see and what we hear stays within this room. The opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you want and leave the rest. Remember, when we want to talk to someone, we have our phone list. All newcomers make sure you get a copy. Please stay after the meeting for fellowship or to ask questions. In honor of both our willingness to be here tonight and our groupâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hope to be free of the unsettling emotions of HIV, let us join hands, because together we can do what we could not do alone, and close with a prayer (the Lordâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Prayer or the Serenity Prayer). (Page two of two.)

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HIV ANONYMOUS SUGGESTED MEETING FORMAT Book Discussion (Before the meeting starts, pass out The Purpose of HIV Anonymous, How It Works, the First Step Prayer, and the Twelve Traditions to volunteer readers; find a good reader* and instruct them what chapter is going to be read. Explain to your reader that he or she will read aloud as the group follows along; and that they need to be ready after the short open discussion. *An appropriately qualified reader saves time and adds clarity.) (Leader starts the meeting.) Hello, my name is _________, and I am your leader tonight. The format of this meeting is a book discussion. We will be reading and discussing a chapter in the HIV Anonymous Positive Attitudes book. We ask that you refrain from cross talk and keep in mind that this meeting is scheduled for 90 minutes with one break. HIV Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who wish to expand their awareness through faith and knowledge and to become aware of self-destructive patterns. A basic purpose is to gain insight that leads to enlightenment. We are not allied with any sect, denomination, political organization, or institution. We do not wish to engage in any controversy, nor do we endorse or oppose any outside issues. I would like everybody to introduce themselves, starting with the person on my right. (After everybody has introduced themselves) (Get volunteers to read.) _____, would you please read “The Purpose of HIV Anonymous.” _____, would you please read “How It Works.” _____, would you please read “The First Step Prayer.” (Thank your volunteers for reading.) Does any one have anything to share before we begin? (When finished with a short open discussion, start book topic discussion.) Tonight we are reading “__________” from our book. Please turn to page ____. Please do not interrupt the reader. We will have a question and answer discussion after the break. During the discussion period, members may talk about anything they choose. (Introduce your reader and have him or her start reading.) (Page one of two.)

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HIV ANONYMOUS SUGGESTED MEETING FORMAT Book Discussion (After the reading is finished.) If anyone has any questions regarding what was read, or about the program, please write your questions down during the break and give them to the leader. There are pencils and paper available. We are going to have a 10-minute refreshment break. (During the break, gather any questions submitted and write them on a chalkboard or a dry erase board.) (After the break, read the questions aloud and get the meeting underway.) (Optional: depending on the meeting size.) We request you limit your sharing to three to five minutes so that others have a chance to share. (About seven minutes before the meeting is to end, turn the meeting back over to the secretary) (Page two of two.)

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HIV ANONYMOUS SUGGESTED MEETING FORMAT Topic Discussion (Before the meeting starts, pass out The Purpose of HIV Anonymous, How It Works, the First Step Prayer, and the Twelve Traditions to volunteer readers; decide what your topic is going to be.) (Leader starts the meeting.) Hello, my name is _________, and I am your leader tonight. The format of this meeting is a topic discussion. We ask that you refrain from cross talk and keep in mind that this meeting is scheduled for 90 minutes with one break. HIV Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who wish to expand their awareness through faith and knowledge and to become aware of self-destructive patterns. A basic purpose is to gain insight that leads to enlightenment. We are not allied with any sect, denomination, political organization, or institution. We do not wish to engage in any controversy, nor do we endorse or oppose any outside issues. I would like everybody to introduce themselves, starting with the person on my right. (After everybody has introduced themselves) (Get volunteers to read.) _____, would you please read “The Purpose of HIV Anonymous.” _____, would you please read “How It Works.” _____, would you please read “The First Step Prayer.” (Thank your volunteers for reading.) (Optional: depending on the meeting size.) We request that you limit your sharing to three to five minutes so that others have a chance to share. (Announce your topic, share three to five minutes, and then open the meeting for discussion.) (After 20 minutes, have a 10-minute break.) (After the break, get the meeting underway.) (About seven minutes before the meeting is to end, turn the meeting back over to the secretary.)

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HIV ANONYMOUS SUGGESTED MEETING FORMAT Speaker Meeting (Before the meeting starts, pass out The Purpose of HIV Anonymous, How It Works, the First Step Prayer, and the Twelve Traditions to volunteer readers; instruct the main speaker to have his or her sharing over about 7 minutes before the meeting is scheduled to end.) (Leader starts the meeting.) Hello, my name is _________, and I am your leader tonight. This is a speaker meeting. We ask that you please do not disturb the speaker. If you must talk, we ask you to please go outside. Keep in mind that this meeting is scheduled for 90 minutes with one break. HIV Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who wish to expand their awareness through faith and knowledge and to become aware of self-destructive patterns. A basic purpose is to gain insight that leads to enlightenment. We are not allied with any sect, denomination, political organization, or institution. We do not wish to engage in any controversy, nor do we endorse or oppose any outside issues. I would like everybody to introduce themselves, starting with the person on my right. (After everybody has introduced themselves) (Get volunteers to read.) _____, would you please read “The Purpose of HIV Anonymous.” _____, would you please read “How It Works.” _____, would you please read “The First Step Prayer.” (Thank your volunteers for reading.) (The leader shares a short personal testimony for about 5 minutes, and then have a 15-minute break.) (After the break, get the meeting underway and introduce your main speaker.) (After your speaker finishes, thank him or her for sharing [clap your hands so that everyone else does]. Turn the meeting over to the secretary.)

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HIV ANONYMOUS SUGGESTED MEETING FORMAT Open Discussion (Before the meeting starts, pass out The Purpose of HIV Anonymous, How It Works, the First Step Prayer, and the Twelve Traditions to volunteer readers.) (Leader starts the meeting.) Hello, my name is _________, and I am your leader tonight. The format of this meeting is an open discussion. We ask that you refrain from cross talk and keep in mind that this meeting is scheduled for 90 minutes with one break. HIV Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who wish to expand their awareness through faith and knowledge and to become aware of self-destructive patterns. A basic purpose is to gain insight that leads to enlightenment. We are not allied with any sect, denomination, political organization, or institution. We do not wish to engage in any controversy, nor do we endorse or oppose any outside issues. I would like everybody to introduce themselves, starting with the person on my right. (After everybody has introduced themselves) (Get volunteers to read.) _____, would you please read “The Purpose of HIV Anonymous.” _____, would you please read “How It Works.” _____, would you please read “The First Step Prayer.” (Thank your volunteers for reading.) (Optional: depending on the meeting size.) We request that you limit your sharing to three to five minutes so that others have a chance to share. (Open the meeting for discussion. After 20 minutes, have a 10-minute break.) (After the break, get the meeting underway.) (About seven minutes before the meeting is to end, turn the meeting back over to the secretary.)

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THE EFFECTIVE GROUP The primary goal of HIV Anonymous is to strategically help people interact with one another and transfer a positive awareness into being. By so doing, we can provide the necessary environment for understanding and spiritual development. Because the spiritual maturity of people varies, it is necessary to provide a variety of opportunities for growth: opportunities that correspond to different stages of development. We have found that effective groups have a casual yet structured entry point through special events. However, the critical thing to understand is that effective groups provide a variety of entry points: special events, and a variety of meeting formats. Special Events Activity-oriented events offer opportunities for people to become acquainted with each other. Through picnics, BBQ’s, dances, concerts, videos, camp-outs, etc. The key to these gatherings is that they are focused functions. They are the front door of our fellowship. However, if this is all our groups offer then the danger exists of them becoming a social club. In order for these gatherings to be effective, they must offer the opportunity for men and women to get involved, to participate in starting meetings, and making service commitments. Meetings We must be versatile and offer a variety of meetings: Open Meetings: open to everyone. Within the open meetings, individuals experience the challenge of self-disclosure, committing themselves to mutual support and encouragement. Closed Meetings: open only to those who are HIV positive. Topical Meetings: a chance to review individual concerns with the group, stating their personal experiences. Speaker Meetings: individuals get a chance to share their experience, strengths, and hopes, and a personal testimony. Book Study Meetings: here individuals interact beyond the level of “what they do”, and “who they are,” to a deeper level of understanding through a structured study and discussion. 183

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Menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s and Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Stag Meetings: Here we have a combination of formats especially tailored to meet the separate and specific needs of men and women. Most men and women often do not communicate at the same depth in mixed company. They may talk about personal issues more freely when they are with their own gender. Men and women need a safe environment where they can share their weaknesses, struggles, and challenges in complete confidence. Effective Groups Take Time to Grow It takes time to build a firm, stable foundation. We need to win the trust of our fellows, not impose our own beliefs on them. We need to be careful not to impose our personal beliefs on anyone, at any time. This is a program of attraction--not promotion. We need clear goals and a variety of entry points that are flexible and can be adapted to meet specific needs. We need to be sure we do not try to implement too much, too soon.

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REVIEW AND APPLICATION 1. What is the value of HIV Anonymous?

2. Are you willing to share your hopes and concerns with others? If not, why not?

3. Are you willing to get involved, lead a group or activity? If not, why not?

4. Are you willing to attend meetings? If not, why not?

5. What can you offer your fellows?

6. Do you believe that HIV is a major problem?

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7. Do you know others who are infected with HIV?

8. Do you feel you can help make a change for the better for your friends, your family, and possibly the world?

9. How can an evaluation of other 12-Step groups help us develop our fellowship?

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THE TWELVE TRADITIONS 1. Our common welfare should come first; personal growth depends upon HIV Anonymous unity. 2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority: a loving Higher Power as expressed in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern. 3. The requirement for membership is clear; any two or more persons gathered for mutual aid may call themselves an HIV Anonymous group, provided they follow the traditions and as a group have no outside affiliation. 4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or the fellowship as a whole. 5. Each group has two key functions: 1) To provide a desirable atmosphere for recovery. 2) To carry its message of hope to our afflicted brothers and sisters. 6. Our fellowship ought never endorse, finance, or lend its name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest money, property, or prestige divert us from our primary purpose. 7. Every group should be fully self-supporting through voluntary contributions. However, the HIVAWSO is in charge of filing for and accepting grants. Appropriateness of accepting or declining donations or outside contributions will be referred to the HIVAWSO. 8. Our fellowship will remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers. 9. HIV Anonymous should be organized, creating service boards and committees directly responsible to those they serve. 10. Our fellowship has no opinion on outside issues, to protect our name from being drawn into public controversy. 11. Our public-relations policy is to carry this message of hope; the HIVAWSO will utilize press, radio, television, and film. Members of HIV Anonymous must always maintain the personal anonymity of other members. 12. Sound ethics and effective utilization of available resources are the spiritual foundations of all our traditions, ever instructing us to place principles before personalities. 187

188

THE TWELVE TRADITIONS (LONG FORM) 1. Our common welfare should come first; personal growth depends upon HIV Anonymous unity. The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions work together to protect not only our personal rights, but also the group and fellowship as a whole. We cannot afford to have conflicts within or between our groups. Consequently, our common welfare should come first. Each member is but a small part of a great whole. Before taking any action as a group or as an individual within a group, we must consider carefully how our behavior might affect our group and the fellowship as a whole. We cannot let our differences divide us. Instead, we must “agree to disagree” and focus our energies on maintaining and strengthening the unity of the group and the fellowship. Individual welfare follows close after our common welfare. 2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority: a loving Higher Power as expressed in our group conscience. Our group leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern. This non-governing leader guideline helps insure that the personality or style of any one person will not shape groups. A trusted servant is not a status symbol, a reward for service, or even a title. Our leaders are on a volunteer or nominee basis. Rotating leadership is most effective. All trusted servants should be of service, because they want to be of service. 3. The requirement for membership is clear; any two or more persons gathered for mutual aid may call themselves an HIVA group, provided they follow the traditions and as a group have no outside affiliation. Our membership includes everyone. Therefore, we do not refuse anyone who is behaving appropriately at open meetings. Any unilateral action, by a group or by any member acting on his or her own, to place HIVA before the public or media at any level is expressly discouraged. 4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or the fellowship as a whole. With respect to its own affairs, each group is responsible to no other authority than its own conscience. While each group has the right to make mistakes, the group’s autonomy cannot be used as an excuse to violate the Traditions or harm the Fellowship in any way. 189

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5. Each group has two key functions: 1) to provide a desirable atmosphere for recovery. 2) to carry its message of hope. Providing a desirable atmosphere is vital to carrying this message to others. If we do not provide a desirable atmosphere who will want to attend the meetings? We have people from all lifestyles and diverse views attending our meetings. To meet the needs of, and to better serve the diversity of our members we do not tolerate discussing issues not relevant to dealing with our purpose. We do encourage you to come to our meetings, our online discussions, and be a part of our fellowship. However, we have found it necessary to ask that you keep matters unrelated to our purpose to yourself when in group discussions. The needs of the many outweigh the wants of the few. Each group must carry the message effectively and protect our membersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; anonymity. For example, when a group has to make a decision, it is recommended that this be preceded by one minute of silent meditation. 6. Our fellowship ought never endorse, finance, or lend its name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest money, property, or prestige diverts us from our primary purpose. Although we cooperate with other Twelve Step Programs as well as with therapists, treatment programs, and institutions, we do not affiliate with these people as a group. Organizations, groups, and individuals outside our groups often refer people to us for help, but as a group we never refer people to organizations or professionals. We do, however, respect and endorse other Twelve-Step Programs. 7. Every group should be fully self-supporting through voluntary contributions. However, the HIVAWSO is in charge of filing for and accepting grants. Appropriateness of accepting or declining donations or outside contributions will be referred to the HIVAWSO. Each group ought to be fully supported by voluntary contributions of their own members (our groups have no established dues). Grants, donations, or outside contributions of any nature that will benefit our program as a whole will be brought to the HIVAWSO to be decided upon. No group or individual should solicit contributions, funds, or donations of any kind without approval from the HIVAWSO.

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THE TWELVE TRADITIONS (LONG FORM)

8. Our fellowship will remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers. People in our groups appreciate the chance to attend meetings without being pressured by persons assuming the role of a leader or professional. And no one in our group receives more or less attention because of education, background, or vocation. As our groups become larger, we may find that tasks for supporting this work grow. Volunteers may not be able to handle everything. Subsequently, we must hire members to do some of this work for the same wages we would pay anyone to do the same work. Service centers will employ members as workers whenever possible, but in special cases we will hire the necessary professionals to perform necessary services. We never pay anyone to do Twelve Step work (visit people with HIV); we only pay people for tasks that help facilitate Twelve Step calls. The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions guide all of our workers, volunteers, and paid staff. 9. HIVA should be organized, creating service boards and committees directly responsible to those they serve. Organization is a key to success. Service boards and inter-groups will be formed to allow groups to become aware of each other and learn from each other. Service boards and committees facilitate gatherings of members from different groups to support fellowship activities. To successfully carry our message we must forever expand. Since all of us are working toward the same goal we find we are able to work within and among our groups without having to rely on rigid structures to regulate our activities and processes as a fellowship. There is no chain of command in the fellowship. 10. Our fellowship has no opinion on outside issues, to protect our name from being drawn into public controversy. This Tradition frees us from concerns and tasks not related to our common goals. And since our groups are made up of people from many different backgrounds, it is difficult to imagine any one outside issue that everyone in the fellowship would agree on. No group or member should ever implicate HIVA in expressing any opinion on outside controversial issues, particularly those of politics, reform, or sectarian religion. In such areas they can express no views whatever. While an HIV Anonymous group may cooperate with other groups, such cooperation ought never go so far as to finance another group or lend the HIV Anonymous name, actual or implied. 191

THE TWELVE TRADITIONS (LONG FORM)

11. Our public-relations policy is to carry this message of hope; the HIVAWSO will utilize press, radio, television, and film. Members of HIV Anonymous must always maintain the personal anonymity of other members. Even though we maintain anonymity on an individual basis, due to the seriousness of our cause, the program must be recognizable to others--and accessible. We must utilize available resources. The program draws people through its practicality. We do not need to use hype or sensational tactics to attract people. Any media or PR opportunities that could affect HIV Anonymous as a whole must be referred to the HIVAWSO. We work to protect the anonymity and confidentiality of every person in the group; we never reveal any information about who is and is not in our program. 12. Sound ethics and effective utilization of available resources are the spiritual foundations of all our traditions, always instructing us to place principles before personalities. The program of HIV Anonymous is for everyone. No person seeking personal growth through this program should be discouraged due to race, religion, lack of religion, sexual orientation, or the like. The purpose of attending meetings is not to socialize or to cultivate friendships, though most of us find both are pleasant by-products of our work in the program. Principles before personalities does not mean that we like everyone in our groups. It means that we treat everyone with love; that we have learned to give as well as receive from others (putting personalities or personal feelings in second place).

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Personal Stories

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PERSONAL STORIES

My name is Reggie. I was born and raised in the socially challenging times of the 60’s. My hometown is the south side of Jamaica, Queens, New York, a place where the strobe lights of police cars and ambulances were the wallpaper that decorated the walls of our home, and sirens and sporadic gunfire were the lullabies that would sing me to sleep. I was angry at the state of the world: the racism, the authoritarianism—I learned to resent both. Those attitudes manifested themselves in many ways, such as the assassinations of John Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Malcolm X; the jailing of Nelson Mandela and other freedom fighters. There was a war in Viet Nam and a “war on drugs.” They were decimating my neighborhood physically and spiritually. My mother was a beautician and my father a housing police officer. The pressure of being an African-American cop caused my father to drink a lot. His drinking caused the family great stress. My generation also dealt with the pressure of being among the first to effectively integrate New York City schools through forced bussing. That added to the overall stress. "We shall overcome" is how the song went. The expectations of success despite all external factors became noticeably overwhelming for me. I was a potentially professionalcaliber athlete with an above average intellect. I had a rebellious spirit that was being constantly smothered by the system. I would soon surrender to drug and alcohol addiction as a way to escape my perceived reality. Still, I had a great deal of fun growing up. I had a lot of friends and a family that loved me dearly, and we shared many great times together. Drug use was a way to have more fun and escape the sadness I often felt. I started smoking pot daily at the age of 14 just for laughs. Unlike many of my peers, who began their heroin and other "hard" drug use at that age, I evaded heroin until the ripe old age of 17, by which time I was already in college. I immediately became a "recreational" IV drug user to dull the pain of rejected love. Strangely, it seemed like an almost natural progression for life, in response to the emotional challenges of a teenager. It would certainly have dire consequences in my life. I had a much harder time escaping the clutches of active addiction. That battle would last 14 years, during which time I lost much, including dignity, self-respect, the will to live, and more. Ironically, I lost my father to murder right after I had made the commitment to change my life. No matter what I tried, it seemed I was destined to suffer greatly in this life. For the next 6 years, I struggled with addictions before I would find refuge in 12-Step programs for addicts and alcoholics. I am blessed to have been clean and sober since 1985. 195

PERSONAL STORIES

There is a war going on, and it is as old as the battle of good and evil. It is a battle that many, including myself, have experienced. Simply put, many things are working against us getting to know ourselves. These distractions have contributed to the state of the world today; they are a major factor in the diseases that are tormenting many. In our effort to win this war, we have plenty of intelligence. What is needed is a will to survive and a desire to identify the real enemy. Many people want to thrive and enjoy life to the fullest, one day at a time. As a recovering addict and alcoholic, I am familiar with a few of the alternatives that are available to those who want to change their lives while in the grip of a deadly disease. I have experienced some of those, including therapeutic communities, psychiatry, and the like. Twelve Step Programs have been the most effective in my life. I do not represent any of them, but I know that they do work. Millions worldwide can attest to that. There are books and other information sources now available about how we can live life to the fullest. There are books about healing our inner child, understanding our archetypes, creating our own realities, and realizing the message of insights. Selfawareness is another reason for us to place great emphasis on self-exploration. Gaining knowledge and practicing wisdom seems to be the only way to be a part of winning these struggles of life. In my experience, apathy threatens to exterminate us. One of the direct results of my 14-year battle with drugs and 28-year fight to maintain my sanity was that I have been diagnosed with a few diseases. One that has commanded my attention is HIV/AIDS. I supposedly contracted the disease 18 years ago, and was diagnosed 14 years ago. Since then my wife and I have been very involved in doing what is necessary to enjoy the finest quality of life possible. The fact that my wife is still HIV negative is a miracle by popular standards. We have spent the last 17 years together, and the first few years we had no knowledge of my condition and the risk to which we were exposing her. We did not use any type of protection and she became pregnant with our youngest child. He, too, is a miracle in that he could have been born with HIV, had my wife contracted it from me. He is now a healthy young man who is the joy of our lives and a great source of happiness for his three older siblings. It was because of his conception that my wife and I made the decision to be tested.

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It was 1988 and the AIDS virus was spreading and making news. I had known of it in 1984 when I started shooting dope again after a 5-year hiatus. I had spent a year in a Daytop Village in 1979, right after my father’s murder. I remember the pain of shooting up dope again, after promising my dead father’s spirit that I would stay clean. It made me suicidal in my heart. I knew that contracting AIDS was a possibility. In my frame of mind at that point, one of hopelessness and despair, AIDS seemed a fitting punishment for the “sins” I was committing. It was what I felt I deserved. If nothing else, I would be a martyr and die. At least I would be free. Like any really heroic figure I had ever seen, it would be better to fall on my sword and die than to be a traitor giving up secrets while being tortured by the enemy. My addictions were my mortal enemy and they were certainly torturing me. The secret was that I did not think that I could live without using drugs and alcohol. Finally, I got clean in 1985, and I did not bother to get tested for HIV (being tested was not really being pushed in my community—or in my own mind). In the deepest recess of my mind, I accepted that it was not only a possibility, but also a probability that I had contracted HIV. After all, I was being told by the medical establishment and the media that I was now definitely in a "high-risk" group. No matter how much I had wanted to die while I was out there using, I was clean and sober now and wanted to live. By getting clean and sober in a Twelve-Step rehabilitation program, Conifer Park in upstate New York, I was blessed with another chance to live; I wanted to live a long and adventurous life. My oldest son, Jason, who was my motivation for living through that last ordeal, had just turned 8 years old in 1988. There was much to live for. I certainly did not want to know that I had another life-threatening illness. I learned a great deal from my older son, Jason. He was a twin born 2 1/2 months prematurely. His brother was 10 ounces lighter and did not have the strength to survive. Jason is a miracle, showing me how powerful a great will to live can be. We come into this world with that will and have to be taught differently. Our response to the situations of this world help shape who we are. My son Jason has always been a great source of inspiration for me. When my wife, Dionne, became pregnant with our first child, she already had two children of her own. Together, we would now have four children. Facing fatherhood again was going to be challenging enough. You would have thought that facing the possibility of dying from a disease for which there, allegedly, was (and still is) no known cure, would be even more traumatic and stressful. Strangely, it was not.

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I almost expected that I would test positive. It would have surprised me if the test had come back negative. It would have been more devastating for my wifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s test to come back positive. I would not want to put her or our child at risk. I was not sure that she was emotionally equipped to cope with being HIV positive. I made an unconscious decision that I would do what was necessary to participate in my own survival and serve God if they were spared. Later that year my second son was born healthy. Jarod almost choked on his umbilical cord, but that is another story. Now I had even more motivation to live. The future seemed brighter than ever before. I had been clean and sober for over 3 years and was beginning to live some of my dreams. AIDS was already devastating my communities, both the physical one and the recovery community. After all, it is a war, and because I was hanging out with some of the heroes and refugees of that war, I experienced, first hand, the effects of the collateral damage that occurred. Many of my friends were dying and suffering from the effects of drug and alcohol abuse, hepatitis, and HIV. Others were dying from the effects of the medicines used to treat HIV (available at the time). Many of the wounded were dying horribly devastating deaths from opportunistic diseases that I had never even heard of. Fear and ignorance helped spread the disease and kept many from seeking help. Many believed that contracting HIV was a death sentence, so they gave up and died. I never bought into that theory and I went on living normally. I changed my diet to vegetarian, began to practice meditating, and looked for ways to reduce stress. I began to travel and enjoy life as much as possible because I had a new appreciation for life. There are no statistics on the numbers of relatives and friends who have suffered because someone they knew has contracted HIV. Nowhere has anyone begun to track the effect AIDS has had on the affected (it is sketchy enough tracking the people who have the disease). There are millions who are infected and do not know it. Most of the public awareness campaigns have been geared towards getting people tested. For people at high-risk, the more you know about your HIV status, the better off you will be, and the better off all of us will be. I believe that ignorance and denial do not invalidate truth. What we need to hear more about are the many who are doing well, in spite of their diagnosis. Not enough is said about how to live well.

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There is an abundance of information for those of us infected with and affected by HIV/ AIDS. Many lifestyle and behavioral adjustments can help us to live more joyously and productively; they can also improve the quality of our lives. Depending on your attitude, this can be one of the most enlightening and liberating events in the course of your life. It has been just that for me. I believe that, on some higher level of consciousness, I created this situation in this lifetime so that I can experience all that I am living through now, not the least of which is freedom. I believe that the desire for freedom is at the very core of my being. I just did not know that it would come dressed as a "spy" called AIDS. Nonetheless, it has been almost 14 years since that diagnosis. I have watched more friends and family die than I would have liked to or could have ever imagined. It is amazing to many that I am still here. I can attribute that fact to Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s grace and the conscious attempt to participate in my own survival. My wife and I have been through many of the emotional pressures and consequences of living with a potentially fatal and relatively infectious disease. There are many considerations regarding not infecting others; there have been countless stages of my awareness in this encounter. My wife and I have a story to tell. Many people have stories that may somehow be of some assistance to you as you are dealing with life on its terms. Many of us are not only surviving, but thriving in lives that would otherwise be over by now or much more mundane and of less service to the world. There are many heroes in this war. There are droves of advocates for HIV/AIDS awareness and human rights that have been in the struggle for equality and access to medicine and information for some time. We salute you. Had it not been for you holding the space and honoring the spirits of those who have died from this disease, we would be in a truly devastated position. Because of these heroes, a great deal of information and resources are now available to those of us who wish to live. It seems like there is a domain assumption that we could make without much trouble. It would go something like this, "I have discovered that I have an infectious and potentially deadly disease; if I choose to ignore it, there is a chance that it will cause trauma and possibly death. I would like to live; I willâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;at the very leastâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;participate in my own survival." To my surprise, a large number of people with AIDS or other life-threatening diseases are content to leave their fate in the hands of someone else. Now, I understand the concept of having faith in a Higher Power and turning our wills and lives over to His care. I am also aware that faith without good works is foolishness.

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My wife and I want to share our strength, hope, and experiences with you. We have been blessed to experience life with each other and our family and friends much more fully. Our desire is that you will have the resources available and the motivation to use them to serve your greatest good. I believe that in doing so we will all be serving the highest good for all humankind. There are many resources that I have used in helping to create a wonderful life despite the diagnosis of AIDS. There has been a great deal of information created specifically with those infected and affected in mind. We have compiled some of it and created a source for comprehensive resources that we hope will help you on your journey. It is the "HIV Survival Kit." A holistic approach seems to be working to the extent that many of us are living healthy and productive lives. By following a regimen created with your own intuition and the assistance of your peers in the program, and working with different health professionals, you, too, can thrive! A part of that approach would certainly deal with the emotional aspect of healing. I believe it to be at the root of our transformation. We must take responsibility for our own recovery. I believe the development of HIV Anonymous and the healing that it brings will ameliorate the way that those infected and affected see themselves and others. Presently, I am very happy and healthy, and inspired towards victory. As a matter of fact, that is what HIV stands for in my mind, Healthy Inspired Victories! At last check, the virus is undetectable in my bloodstream. My attitude is great and the future looks bright. My family is supporting and loving, and I have a network of support that includes all of my needs ranging from the physical to the metaphysical. I pray that everyone is as blessed as I have been in this journey. I thank God for this adventure and opportunity to grow. I accept these manifestations and their experiences. There is a great need for the public at large to remove the stigma and face the fears and ignorance surrounding HIV/AIDS. I have remained silent about my situation for years because I did not want to have to deal with or have my family deal with the stigma that comes with being infected. There are people all over the world that feel the same way. Some may want pity, on a surface level, but most just want to live a “normal” life—to love and be loved. I cannot say that just because I have decided to start living from this place of honesty and speaking publicly about my predicament, everyone else should too. I can say that it has been a liberating transformation, and that if the stigma and the fear of how others will treat you keep you from being able to live your highest truth, we should all be about the business of breaking down those walls of prejudice. 200

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I would like us all to be able to come from a place of strength. There are so many of us that are either infected or affected that I believe that we may actually be the silent majority. There are multitudes of inflicted, affected, and concerned people on our side. There are more people with us than there are people who judge us. Either way, as we increase our level of self-awareness, we will come to have a greater God awareness. When that reaches critical mass, we will create the kind of paradigm shift needed to overcome this disease and the mentality that supports it. When we make that shift, even as we are making it now, we will rearrange our universe energetically, and open up the portal for the great healing we desire, individually and cosmically. Thank you for having the courage and the insight, and for surrendering to the still soft voice within. My family and I pray that God grants us the serenity to accept the things that we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Peace and blessings.

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS AND INFORMATION Grateful acknowledgment is made for permission to adapt and print the following: The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous; also, an overview of the A.A. Big Book and the A.A. program and its literature, copyrighted by Alcoholics Anonymous World Service Organization, by permission of the publisher. Because I have picked up information from so many sources, I have not been able to provide all sources for the material here. I thank all the other publishers and authors, whose work cannot be traced, that have not given permission to quote, paraphrase, reprint, and adapt from their books. I also acknowledge numerous indirect and direct sources, such as television and radio programs, tapes, 12-Step meetings, and books that have come to me in the course of my life. Material for this book has been gathered meticulously, compiled, catalogued, edited, revised, reedited, and proofread over a period of 18 years. It is a synthesis of the efforts of many authors. I, Glen Caulkins, truly believe that all of the authors whose extensive research and efforts that have contributed to this 12-Step program and workbook, will be honored that they are part of the ongoing effort to help millions of people infected with or affected by HIV. I am the founder and president of HIV Anonymous, Inc. I am also the author of HIV Anonymous Positive Attitudes, which is licensed to HIV Anonymous, Inc. All proceeds from this manuscript go directly to HIV Anonymous, Inc. Footnotes are purposely omitted. Any omission of rightful credit is unintentional. If you feel that your material has been included in this manuscript without credit, please let us know and we will be pleased to give you credit in future editions. These written materials, particularly the Bible, Alcoholics Anonymous, The Twelve Steps for Christians, and The Twelve Steps a Spiritual Journey formed the foundation for HIV Anonymous Positive Attitudes. Any reference in this book to other publications is for information purposes only and does not constitute a recommendation or endorsement by the publisher.

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BIBLIOGRAPHY This is a partial list of the materials used in the creation of HIV Anonymous Positive Attitudes. Impressive additional bibliographies are included in the following books. The reader interested in further sources of study will find them useful. Narcotics Anonymous--World Service, Inc. A Spiritual Journey--Recovery Publications The Twelve Steps for Christians--Recovery Publications. A Course in Miracles--Foundation for Inner Peace. The 12 Steps for Adult Children--Recovery Publications. A Design for Growth--Hazelden. Let Go, Let God--Augsburg. Alanon--World Service, Inc. The Freedom of Obedience--Navpress. The Search for Serenity--Presnall. A Time to Begin--Hazelden. Gifts: Advanced Skills For Alcoholism Councilors--Health Communications, Inc. Angels--Billy Graham. All About Prosperity and How You Can Prosper--DeVorss. What is Spirituality?--Hazelden. The Rapture Book, Victory in the End Times--Omega Publications. Healthy Relationships, Power Plays, and Signs of Healthy Love--Hazelden. Shame--Hazelden. The Friendship Factor--Augsburg. Co-Dependent No More--Harper and Hazelden. Dealing With Denial--Hazelden. Afire with Serenity--Hazelden. In Search of Health--Hazelden. 205

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Guidelines for Support Groups--Health Communications, Inc. The Nature and Types of Sociological Theory--Martindale. Understanding Human Development--Prentice Hall. A New Pair of Glasses--Hazelden. The Twelve Steps A Healing Journey--Hazelden. Journey of the Beatitudes--Hazelden. The Late Great Planet Earth--Zondervan. Stage 2 Recovery, Life Beyond Addiction--Harper and Row. Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous--The Augustine Fellowship. Sex Addiction--Hazelden. The Reflecting Pond--Hazelden. All of: Hazelden’s Pocket Power Pamphlets--Hazelden. Now About Sex--Hazelden. Breaking Free of Sex Addiction--Hazelden. Step Guides One through Twelve--Hazelden. Rich Rewards--Hazelden. Your Friend the Holy Spirit--Pacific Press. The Holy Spirit, The Key to Supernatural Living--Here’s Life Publishers, Inc. Self Control--Tyndale. The Christian and the Holy Spirit--Here’s Life Publishers, Inc. Loving Health--Loving Health Publications. Sermon on The Mount, The Key to Success in Life--Harper and Row. The Lucifer Connection--Huntington House, Inc. The Stairway to Serenity, The Eleventh Step--Hazelden. Life Application Bible--Tyndale.

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Holy Bible, Living Family Reference Edition--Riverside. Harper Study Bible--Revised Standard Version--Zondervan. The Desire of Ages--Pacific Press Publishing Association. A Catholic Dictionary--Macmillan. Today Can be Different--Regal Books. Serenity: A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery--Nelson. The Urantia Book--Urantia Foundation. God Speaks Out on the New Morality--Ambassador College Press. AIDS A Christian Response--Concordia Publishing House.

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