A Long Road by Meghan Pos

A Long Road BY MEGHAN POS

“You’re late.” Lou says, without looking up from behind the counter. Rob shuts the glass door of the record store, turns the sign from ‘Closed’ to ‘Open’ and says, “Girl, I’ve got news!” “Let me guess, you bought a watch?” She says. He smiles at her. “Yes, a big and shiny 18 carat Rolex. No, I heard that the Andersons are splitting.” “Really? Well, call the papers.” “Lou, don’t be sour. I’ve got to give you the scoops. I love the scoops.” He walks over to the ‘New Releases’ section and starts browsing through the record covers. “And I love Tuesdays. New music, baby. Gimme your favorite in 3, 2, 1” “Dookie by Green Day.” “Ugh, no! What happened to your taste?” “My taste is broad. You know the rules.” Lou says and she points to the record player. “Fine.” Rob says and walks over to it. He lifts the tone arm and puts the Green Day record on the turntable with the B-side up. When the first song starts playing, the right corner of Lou’s mouth curls up a little before she says, “Come on, you know it’s more respectful to start with the A-side.” “Yeah, yeah. Are you coming for a cig?” “Only if you brought your own pack.” Rob sighs and says, “I didn’t, but I’ll run to the corner store after this one. Pinky promise!” Lou chuckles. She grabs her navy denim jacket, hands him a cigarette and walks out the glass

door.

As they stand with their backs against the wall of the record store, Vinyl Groove, their neighbor Anna walks up. She opened a tattoo parlor down the street a month ago. “What’s up, guys?” She says with a wide smile. “Do you have a light?” Lou fumbles in her pocket for her Zippo. “Sure.” She says as she lights it. Anna holds her hands around the flame to guard it from the wind. Lou studies the tattoos on her golden-brown fingers: a string of dots, a few arrows on both hands and a branch of leaves around her index finger. When Anna catches Lou looking, she winks. “How’s business?” Rob asks. “Pretty good. You know I’d love to chat, but I’ve actually got an appointment in a sec.” “Oh, we don’t want to hold you up. You go, baby.” “Yeah, sorry. I’ll come by later this week.” “No worries, Anna.” Lou says. “Thanks, Lou. See you around, yeah?” “See you.” They watch her cross the street as her black and blonde braids wave above her black leather trench coat. When she almost bumps into an elderly couple, she tips her flat cap. Lou lights a second cigarette. She takes a long drag and blows tiny clouds into the fresh air. “So, it’s February 1st.” Rob says. “Yeah. Will you close up for me later today?” “Of course, but I just wanted to check if you’re doing okay.” “I am.”

“I’m here if you want to talk, baby. You know that, right?” “I do.” “Because it’s the second year and I’m worried you” “I’m fine, Rob.” Lou says with a cracked voice. Two teenage boys step inside the shop. “Since when do we have customers five minutes after opening?” She mumbles as she flicks the cigarette away and follows them in.

Setting a bouquet of white lilies in front of the gray headstone, Lou keeps reading the text over and over:

In Loving Memory of Jacqueline Agathe Moreau 28-06-1964 || 01-02-1992

“Hey Jacks.” She whispers, as the tears start rolling down her cheeks. She bites her lip and sits down in the grass cross-legged. “I brought you the new Green Day album. You wouldn’t really like it, though. It’s a bit rough for you.” She chuckles and thinks of the time she brought home a record by The Offspring. Jackie and Lou had been dating for six months. They used to listen to the newest releases on Tuesday evening together, when Lou had taken them home from the shop. “On a scale of one to ten, how much do you think you will like this one?” She had asked, holding the album behind her back, and Jackie had said, “Ten. Sans doute!” No doubt. Then the loud guitars sounded and Jackie had begged for her to turn it off. Jackie adored music, but she wanted music to move her. Touch her heart. Punk rock definitely didn’t do that. “Will you play me something that makes me feel happily melancholic?” She had asked and Lou had walked over to the wall with oak shelves on which over a thousand records were placed. She flipped through them; David Bowie, Elton John, Nina Simone, Fleetwood Mac, Queen. “Got it!” She said, put on side A of The Smiths’ self-titled debut album and walked over to Jackie. “What do you think?” Jackie closed her eyes and started swinging from left to right.After a few seconds, she smiled brightly. Then she opened her eyes, kissed Lou softly and said, “I think I’m falling in love with you.” I think I’m falling in love with you. The words echo through Lou her mind as she is still staring at the headstone. She cups her face in her hands and starts sobbing. Sharp stings around her heart make her gasp for air. “I miss you so much, Jacks.” She says. “Life is not the same without you.” After sitting in silence for a few minutes, Lou stands up and walks home. She looks at the people passing her. Not one of them would be able to understand what she’s going through. They wouldn’t understand the torture of losing someone who was as full of joy as Jackie was. She stops at the liquor store next-door and buys a bottle of Johnnie Walker whiskey. When she goes into her apartment, she throws her keys on the coffee table and looks into the gold framed mirror that hangs above it. She notices how puffy and red her eyes are in contrast to the blue of her irises. Well, I’ve looked better, she thinks as she grabs a glass from the shelf and fills it to the brim. She takes two large gulps and looks through her records, trying to find one that fits the mood.

“We’ve got a winner.” She mumbles when she picks ‘For Sentimental Reasons’ by Ella Fitzgerald. Jackie was one of her biggest fans. Up until today, Lou could never get herself to listen it, but she is willing to try. The first song starts playing and Lou immediately clenches her jaw. After a few seconds, her hand starts to tighten around the whiskey glass. She tries to keep it together, but when the bridge starts, Jackie’s favorite part, she throws the glass against the wall. She balls her fists against her forehead and screams, “Fuck!” With teary eyes, Lou looks over her shoulder to the picture of Jackie on the hearth. She shakes her head and says, “Why didn’t I pay attention?” before heading to the bedroom.

The week after, while Lou is walking to the spot where she always gets a morning coffee, she runs into Anna. “Fancy seein’ you here! How you doin’, Lou?” She asks, good-humored as usual. “Pretty okay, thanks. How about you?” “I’m great! The weather is amazing today. I’m tryin’ to soak in as much sun as I can before work.” Lou looks up at the radiant sky and closes her eyes to let the sunny rays touch her skin. Why didn’t I realize it’s such a nice day? “Anyway, what’re you up to?” “I was about to get coffee. Would you…” Lou says and pauses for a second, “would you like some, too?” Anna’s face lights up and she gives Lou a warm smile. “I’d love some.” “Cool. I’m getting a black. What can I get you?” “Oh, no! No, I can pay for my own.” “It’s okay. My treat.” Lou says, as she takes a step inside the coffee house. “What will it be?” “Damn, I surrender. Black would be great.” Five minutes later, Lou comes back and hands Anna her cup. “Never trust someone who drinks coffee with milk.” She says jokingly. Lou laughs and says, “Absolutely. I’ve been teasing Rob with his lattes for years.” “Serves him right.” Anna says as they walk on. “What’s your latte? Like, something that’s great, but then you add somethin’ to it you shouldn’t.” “Wouldn’t I deny that that’s my latte?” “I mean… you gotta know deep down that you’re sinnin’.” “Right.” Lou says and thinks for a few seconds. “I put ketchup on pizza.” Anna looks disgusted. “That’s plain evil.” When they look at each other, they start laughing and Lou gets a warm feeling in her stomach. After turning the corner into their street, they see Rob smoking a cigarette in front of Vinyl Groove. The moment his eyes meet theirs, he frowns and says, “Now look who’s late.” “Well, for the 22 times you’ve been late this year...” Lou says. Rob rolls his eyes at her. “What’s up, Rob?” Anna says. “Girl, you promised you was gonna come by the store last week!” He says. “Yeah, sorry. Lemme make it up to you! Why don’t the three of us go to the pub tonight?” “I’m in, but that ain’t Lou’s cup of tea.” Anna turns to Lou. “What? Just come. It’ll be fun!” “Rob is right. I don’t go out.” “One beer! I’ll bring my nicest smile. We’re destined to have a great time then.”

Lou blushes. She’s confused by how much she wants Anna to keep begging her to come. “So, coffee for a beer?” Anna doesn’t take her gaze off of Lou. Finally, Lou smiles and says, “Alright. One beer.” Rob narrows his eyes at them and starts to smirk slightly. “Great! I’ll see y’all at Casey’s Pub around seven then?” “Sure. Good luck today.” Lou says. “Thanks! You too.” As soon as Anna is out of hearing distance, Rob puts a hand on Lou’s shoulder and states, “You’re gonna make one hell of a couple.” “What?” “My prayers have been answered! I’ve had my suspicions since day one. You’re into Anna.” “It is not like that, Rob.” “Okay, honey. You keep telling yourself that and then I’ll tell you this: your ass is going on a date tonight.” Lou shakes her head. “Let’s just open up the store.”

When Lou and Rob enter Casey’s Pub that evening, Anna is seated in one of the leather covered booths. She waves at them. As they walk over, Lou looks at the familiar paintings on the mahogany wooden wall. “Hey guys, I already ordered for us.” Anna says, while Lou sits down next to her and Rob across. He has his eyes fixated on the barkeeper, who brings them three beers and says, “Enjoy.” When Anna reaches over Lou to grab one, she catches a whiff of her floral perfume. Lou inhales it a little, but immediately feels embarrassed. She tries to move past it, tells herself it is not like that and grabs a glass. “Coffee for a beer. Cheers.” She says. They clink glasses and take a sip. Rob is still looking at the barkeeper and says, “Babies, I need to flirt with that hot barkeeper. Raincheck?” He gets out of the booth and winks at Anna when Lou isn’t looking. He takes place at the bar, but keeps them in sight. “Such an asshole. He does this every time.” Lou says and chuckles. “Unbelievable.” Anna says. “Is this why you don’t go out with him?” “Absolutely.” Lou watches Anna grin from ear to ear while she moves her shoulders to Queen’s ‘Cool Cat’. “Oh, snap! They’re playin’ my favorite song.” Anna says and sings along, “Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah…” “Good taste.” Lou says and sings the next line softly, “You’re taking all the sunshiiine…” “See? You’re havin’ a blast already!” “More than expected. I haven’t been here for months.” Lou says. She has to admit that this is quite nice. Being here with Anna makes it easier. “So, what made you decide to come tonight?” “You’re very convincing.” Anna puts her arm over the top of the booth and rests her temple against her hand. She stares directly into Lou’s eyes and takes another sip of her beer. Something about her earthy brown eyes makes Lou want to drown in them. “Is that so?” Anna asks and licks her lips. Lou feels goosebumps in her neck while watching her and starts to realize Rob is right. She has been attracted to Anna for weeks. It was easy to deny before, but now that they’re sitting so close to each other, Lou feels more drawn to Anna than ever.

Just as she gets the feeling she may have been staring for too long, Anna leans forward. Her soft lips find Lou’s, sending an electric wave from her head to her toes and back again. Jackie. Lou’s heart skips a beat and she pulls away rapidly. “I, uh-” She starts. Her head begins to spin. Where it skipped a beat a second ago, her heart is now racing like it wants to sprint out of her chest. “I need to go.” She says as she slowly stands up. “Lou, I didn’t-” Anna starts, but Lou turns around and rushes towards the entrance. She faintly hears Rob calling her name before she slams the door behind her and runs down to the nearest alley where she slides her back against the wall. Tears stream down her face. What the fuck am I doing?, she thinks. Footsteps close in on her and she sees Rob turning the corner into the alley. “Baby, what are you storming out for?” He asks as he puts his hands on her arms to comfort

her.

“I’m fine, Rob. I’m just going to go home.” “No, we’re talking about this. Did Anna do something?” Lou shakes her head and her lips begin to tremble. “She kissed me.” “That’s a good thing! Right?” “No, it’s not.” “You’re allowed to like someone else after two years. It’s okay.” Rob says. “It is not fucking okay!” Lou raises her voice and pulls away from him. “I can’t like Anna. My heart belongs to Jackie.” “Hey” “No, I’m not going to betray her like that! She is the love of my life. She is still my fiancée.” “She’s dead, Lou! Will you stop? She’s dead!” Lou opens her mouth, but he interrupts her, “You’re betraying yourself, not her. I understand that you’re grieving still and it’s fine that you never want to talk about it, but I’m not gonna let you throw away a chance at something new. Stop the guilt parade. You deserve to be happy, for fuck’s sake.”

Lou looks at the ground and starts biting her lip. After a minute of silence, Rob says, “I’m sorry-”, but stops when Lou hugs him tightly. He wraps his arms around her and kisses the top of her head. “Cool speech.” She mumbles. “I know my strengths.” “Will you walk me home?” “Yeah. Let’s get you home, baby.”

Lou is standing in front of the tattoo parlor. She is still a bit embarrassed about bolting the night before. Anna must have been so confused. Maybe even hurt. When she enters the tattoo parlor, Anna is packing up her tattooing supplies and looks up at Lou. Her face softens. “Hey.” She says. “Hey. I uhm- I came to apologize for last night.” “It’s okay.” “No, I shouldn’t have ran out.” Lou says and sits down in front of Anna. “But I want to explain why I did.”

Anna nods, turns her body towards Lou and leans forward with her hands locked. Lou takes a deep breath and says, “I really like you, Anna. More than I’ve been willing to admit. It’s just a lot to process, because I lost my fiancée two years ago.” “Oh god. I’m so sorry.” Anna says with widespread eyes. “May I ask what happened?” “A car accident.” “That’s awful.” “Yeah. I was driving and she was in the passenger seat. I wasn’t paying attention and her side was hit out of nowhere. I was injured, but she was unconscious. I couldn’t feel her pulse.” Lou pauses and gasps for air. When a tear streams down her cheek, Anna cups Lou’s hands into her own and gently strokes them with her thumb. “I dragged her out and started performing CPR. I don’t even remember how long I went on, but it was useless. She was already dead.” “That must have been extremely traumatic.” “Yeah, it has been hard to give it a place, because I can’t help but blame myself. I haven’t really talked about this with anyone.” “Not even Rob?” “No, he gets overprotective. He desperately wanted to solve it, saying it wasn’t my fault.” “Well, I think that’s what friends do.” “Yeah.” Lou says as she wipes her tears away. “So, that’s my story.” “Thanks for trusting me with it. I can’t even imagine what that feels like.” Anna says. “Shit, I’m sorry for kissing you so suddenly. I don’t want you to feel pressured into anything.” “It’s alright. I’m just not fully certain that I’m ready to date yet. All I can give you right now is snail speed.” Anna laughs. “That’s fine, Lou. I can do snail speed.” “Thank you.” Lou says. “I’m going to head home now, if that’s okay.” “Of course.” Lou looks down at her hands, which are still cupped in Anna’s. She brings them up and gives a kiss on Anna’s knuckles. “That’s?” “Snail speed, yeah.” She says. They laugh and stand up to walk to the door. Anna holds it open for her and asks, “See you around?” “Maybe a little more than usual.” When Lou steps outside, she looks up at the white clouds surrounding the sun and decides today’s weather isn’t that bad either. It’s a start of something new. Whatever that may

be.