Where Blindness Runs by Sepideh Mir Shahi

Where Blindness Runs BY SEPIDEH MIR SHAHI

5 years ago, I embarked on what I thought would be the most magnificent journey so far. A management internship in the United States, which granted me the opportunity to travel to several states and promised a peek into a more luxurious lifestyle. An absolute dream for any broke student with a curious mind. Sadly, curious minds are easily seduced. And that’s how all my troubles began: I fell in love and became an accomplice in a crime.

Early September, I arrived in Chicago with some other trainees. I was disappointed to find out that we would be sent to different states, but part of me was excited at the prospect of making new friends. My first transfer was to Ohio at a remote location near university campus. Perhaps due to that fact, I expected to befriend some peers. What I didn’t realise was that I wasn’t allowed to socialise with the ‘lower rank’ staff outside of working hours, so I was stuck with the old souls of management. I started to feel extremely lonely. It was time for something new: Tinder. Gender didn’t matter because I was simply looking for a friend. After a few unsuccessful matches, I met a guy named Jonah.

Words could not describe the chemistry we had. I found myself smiling excessively, and perpetually entertained. Slightly less important to me, but still admirable, were his achievements. A master’s degree in physiology and a job as a personal trainer, all at the age of 20. He was inquisitive and proactive, appealing to the adventurer I inhibited deep down. Among the adventures we had was smoking marijuana and trying out a vaporiser. Both things he was legally entitled to due to his PTSD. I didn’t pry.

My second transfer was to Florida, which I was extremely excited about. Not only would it mean summer during winter, it was also Jonah’s birth state. Since he planned to tag along to the next state, I expected him to be excited about this as well. To my concern, he appeared rather nervous despite his expressions of glee. I didn’t pry and we travelled to Florida. Given that he would be far away from his hometown, we decided he should stay with me at the company’s property. He would sneak inside through the patio and climb up the building when I got transferred to the second floor. Seeing as he also vaped daily and needed to be discrete at the premises, we made yet another questionable decision. I covered the fire alarm in my room with a plastic bag so he could vape inside. It worked fine, but with time, you forget it’s there.

Each placement had the duration of about 2 months, and I was about halfway through the first month. Sneaking around had started to make me feel uncomfortable, so one of the employees, Amber, offered us to stay at her place. I was very grateful, even though she didn’t seem to consider it a big deal. However, upon setting foot in their house, I was faced with a harsh revelation. Messy and run down, the place was. I had only heard of the extent of poverty in America, but to be faced with it was another heart-breaking story in itself.

The end of the first month was nearing and as per usual, I was having tea with the staff after work. Amber had that day off, so I waited with the others for Jonah to pick me up with her car. But the sun

was setting and I started to worry. As the others were trying to convince me that nothing was wrong, I got a call from Amber.

“Meet me in front of the warehouse. Jonah ran from the police.”

In a flash of trepidation, a dear colleague offered to take me there. A remote building along the main road, three minutes away from the resort. And in front of it, a tense Amber and three cars, among which were police cars. My heart started to race. Strangely, it wasn’t surprise or confusion that I felt, but a familiar yet amplified feeling of impending doom. In hindsight, it made total sense because no matter how hard I pushed my doubts about Jonah to the back of my mind, my truer self was already prepared for some hidden truth. Upon arriving at the scene, I was attacked by everyone at once.

“Are you Jonah's girlfriend? Call him right now!” “They’re gonna tow my car! Please call him!”

The police officer in charge pulled me aside by my arm rather forcefully. “Excuse you!?” I spewed and jerked my arm loose. He jumped to the case: Jonah had pulled up in front of the warehouse after opening hours. When asked to pull over due to suspicious activity and to show his driver’s license, he opened the door and bolted. The officer threatened I should convince him to come back or that they would otherwise tow Amber’s car and set out a search party for him. I knew the reason he pulled up at the warehouse was because he missed his exit, seeing as he came from the opposite direction. But at that point it was useless to bring it up – running away from the police was considered a felony in Florida. I found myself in a terrible position. It was unfair to Amber to suffer at his hand and a search party was bound to find him. But my heart broke at the prospect of handing him over to the police. So, I called him.

His voice was shaky and so was mine. I tried to understand what was going on, but he assured me it was a mistake. His driver license had expired and that is why he ran. I managed to convince him to return, and right when he did, the officers handcuffed him and read him his rights. The world around me sank and the voices blurred out. All I saw was his apologetic eyes looking back at me before he disappeared into the car. We both knew we wouldn’t see each other again. Once again, I didn’t pry.

Back at the resort, I was surrounded by the staff who appeared to revel in the juicy topic. Anything that was said essentially pointed to the fact that he was a criminal I should avoid and that they knew it all along. A glimmer of pride was to be found in their voices, which I did not appreciate. I denied it as if my life depended on it, every single accusation that put him in a bad light.

I wish I had pried.

As I got back to Chicago for the mid-evaluation, I felt deflated. My mind continuously went back to Jonah like an inconsolable trance. That’s when the tiniest gesture of carelessness on my part caused the biggest mistake of them all. I was missing documents I needed for my portfolio and believed I left them at my residency in Florida, so I called the front desk and asked her to check my nightstand.

Ten minutes later she told me they were not there. I did not realise what I had initiated, until I received a call from my mentor saying we need to talk.

“Why is there marijuana in your bag?” “Why is the smoke alarm covered?” “Did you smoke at the resort?”

Even during the confrontation, I didn’t budge. I told them the marijuana was mine and that I used to vape inside my room. My mentor suspected there was missing information and emphasised that it could prevent expulsion. Still, I didn’t budge.

“You will be suspended and sent back to the Netherlands.”

I don’t think I had ever been that nervous calling anyone. Every second waiting invited another dimension of anxiety. My mother picked up the phone. And all the feelings – the pain, the powerlessness, and shame alike – hit me mercilessly and I cried. I told her everything and hoped she would forgive me for the things I had done. All the trouble I had caused for myself and others.

How could I have been so stupid.

Months later, I finally decided to look for the truth. And when I feel angry and betrayed, I get what I want. I contacted Jonah’s mother, searched the internet for clues, and confronted him until I found all the answers. Now, the painful truth: he is a drug dealer with a warrant in Florida who fled the county to evade arrest. He never finished high school and did not have a job. His PTSD was simply a legal cover for his marijuana addiction. And all this was just a fraction of the complex network of lies I had uncovered. I had been played and confessed to a crime I didn’t commit. When love turns into blindness, this is the price you pay.

I will never put myself in that situation again.