If I Were A Cow - Crystal Lyons

IF I WERE A COW

by Crystal Lyons

Have you ever been seriously aggravated with the way your dog or horse was acting and out of the blue, you got this irritating notion that God was chuckling?? And you thought you might’ve heard Him clearing His throat, (that’s never a good sign) and then saying something like: “That’s exactly how you act!” Maybe I’m not the only one who’s had God show me a mirror of myself in an animal’s behavior.

What about selective hearing? Men aren’t the only ones who have it, though it DOES run heavily within the male genome. My dog DEFINITELY has it, but come to think of it… he is a male. Duke can be so quick to respond to my commands, unless he has caught the scent of something that’s intriguing, and then suddenly he goes bone-headed deaf. But wait, I think I could recall once… or twice… okay, multiple times where I have NOT wanted to hear what God was telling me to do, or NOT do! Maybe selective hearing isn’t gender oriented after all?

How about the way dogs just LOVE to roll in whatever is rotten! What’s up with that? I just do NOT understand the desire to roll in something so repulsive! Then I hear God’s quiet voice down inside say… “really”? And I’m immediately reminded of how I can find myself gravitating to some juicy piece of gossip. ESPECIALLY if it’s something negative about someone I don’t particularly like or trust! That negative piece of information just sucks me right in and I revel in the feeling of superiority. God told me once, the way a dog makes itself repulsive smelling in the natural by rolling in a dead corpse is exactly how enjoying gossip makes us smell to Him. Moving on…

What about that boss mare in the herd. You know the one I’m referring to. She’s the one who calls all the shots and is convinced she’s superior. She rules the roost, making it almost impossible for another horse to challenge her authority. I hate to admit it but I can relate to boss mares. I like the saying… “I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas!”

I don’t know if you do this, but sometimes when I’ve helped gather cattle, I’ll go to spying out all the different personality types in the herd. I LOVE those cows that are compliant! They just go with the flow. They have no preference as to where they’re being driven; they’re satisfied to stay with the crowd. But that cow that’s got her head up and ears alert, THAT’S the one that’s going to bolt! She’s the independent thinker. If not handled right, she will be the one that causes you to lose the whole dang herd and have to

re-gather! Have you ever noticed how the one cow that gets by you, out maneuvers you and is smart enough to not go where YOU wanted, is the one we call “stupid”? Kind of an oxymoron huh. Those kind of cows are the first ones to get hauled off to the sale barn because they’re trouble. Well dang it, I catch myself always ducking a situation where I might get “trapped” in some way. “Oh ride with us to such-nsuch.” My IMMEDIATE thought is, “what if the situation there is totally boring and I want to leave but can’t?” Yep… I’m that exasperating cow who’s head is up always looking for a way of escape “just in case”. Not to mention, my two sons were cesarean, ‘cuz obviously I’m not a good calver. Yep, I would’ve been hauled to the kill pen long ago! If I were a cow…

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