Attunement

TEXT: SHELLEY WOLHUTER

THE SECRET TO A GOOD RELATIONSHIP

The concept of attunement is making waves in horsemanship and therapeutic communities, and for good reason. Based on psychological theory, attunement has been described by UCLA professor of psychology, Dr Dan Siegel, as the sense of ‘being seen’ and ‘feeling heard’. In other words, attunement can be thought of as the sense of feeling understood. Attunement is often used as a predictor of relationship success, both romantic and platonic. A person that does not feel seen, heard and understood in a relationship will likely not be willing to stick around.

ATTUNEMENT IN HORSES

So, what does this have to do with horses? Everything! Everyone knows that horses want to be around other horses. We see it daily when a horse that is separated from his friends begins to panic, only to return to complete relaxation the moment he is reunited with his companions. Some horses have been trained to cope well on their own; however, give these horses a choice, and they will likely choose friends over solitude. You might be wondering what it is about their friends that is so comforting? Is it not merely about ‘safety in numbers’? Nope, it goes deeper than that.

The answer lies in attunement. Horses are hyper-aware of every movement, expression, intention and emotion of the horses, people and other animals around them. Their companions will notice every muscle that moves and vice-versa. It is this hyper-awareness of each other and their surroundings that keeps them safe from danger. They do not need to sense the ‘lion’ (bird, dog, packet…) themselves, as long as one of their companions does, and alerts them to it immediately. If they are alone, they need to be on the lookout for any potential dangers all of the time.

I sometimes imagine this awareness as invisible threads connecting each horse to the horses around it, with constant information being sent back and forth. What is remarkable is that horses never stop paying attention to this web of messages, not unless they need to sleep deeply. In which case, they will rely on a companion to watch over them.

That moment of relief you might observe when you return your horse to his companions comes then about through the thought, “I am back with ones that can hear me”. In the past, I have questioned why my horse can’t trust me like he trusts his friends and conspecifics. The honest answer to this question is that I have not yet earned that trust. Yes, there may be a basic level of trust where your horse does simple things that you ask them to, but true, unconditional trust comes from proving to your horse that you see and hear them, i.e. you are attuned to them.

If your horse knows that you are watching out for them and see their fear, discomfort, anxiety, etc., they will trust you more and be more relaxed in your company. If, however, your horse knows that their opinion holds little weight with you and that you will force them into situations that scare them, regardless of their response, they will never trust you.

THE DANGERS OF ANTHROPOMORPHISING

It is important to discuss the difference between seeing things for what they are, understanding our horse’s responses and reactions, and seeing your interpretation of what things are. In other words, we must learn not to anthropomorphise with our horses. This means we must not assume that they think and feel like we do and interpret their behaviours in a human context. Their brain structure is different to ours. Their thought patterns, priorities and needs are different to ours. So, we must learn to remove our judgement and interpretations from what we see and just observe.

Let’s illustrate an example. You are riding out and your horse spooks at a hadeda and remains jittery for the rest of the ride.

This situation can be interpreted two ways:

1. My horse spooked at a hadeda and lost his mind. It is so frustrating because he’s seen hadedas before! Then he was so naughty and just wouldn’t relax. Our hack was ruined.

2. A hadeda surprised my horse, causing a spook. He was rattled beyond return.

Example 1 is the judgemental version. It may be accurate to some extent but assumes the horse was in the wrong. Example 2 is an observation without judgement. In this version, things happen, but no one is blamed, except possibly the bird.

Maintaining this factual observation of events lends a more forgiving and empathetic perspective for our horses. We can then commit to giving our horses the benefit of the doubt and try to see things from their perspective, which might sound like:

‘The hadeda came out of nowhere. You weren’t expecting it. You were already a little nervous about being away from home or your companions. The hadeda confirmed your worries, and now this place feels unsafe. You are unable to calm yourself down. I get it.’

NOT JUST ABOUT BEING SYMPATHETIC

However, practising attunement is about more than simply being considerate towards your horse and sympathetic to his responses. It is about committing to paying very close attention to your horse and grabbing any opportunity you can to prove to your horse that you noticed what they were trying to communicate. The onus is on us as humans to prove that we are attuned because we are the ones who have been switched off to our horses and their communications for so long.

Displays of attunement can take many forms. A very common one is observing your horse for their favourite itchy spot and spending extra time there when grooming if it is what they seem to want. Or, it could be noticing that flick of the ear, swish of the tail, shifting of weight, widening of the eyes, or curl of the nostril when you approach with fly spray. It doesn’t mean you can’t use fly spray, but it does mean you can pause and acknowledge your horse’s concern and maybe go a little slower if your horse seems very worried. Showing your horse that you pick up on their methods of communication and acknowledge their opinion means they can trust you more and have the feeling of being seen and heard.

On top of this, horses have had to learn how to ignore us and the ‘noise’ we make. A lot of the things we do in their presence mean nothing, and then every so often, we’ll give an aid that is meant to make them jump to attention or risk punishment. This causes a lot of horses to switch off in order to cope. If we’re honest with ourselves, we know that we make a lot of noise around our horses, give inconsistent messages, and do a lot of things that have no meaning. We might be chatting to a friend on an outride and then suddenly give a leg aid. Our horse is magically supposed to know at this point that now is the time to respond, despite being ignored for the last 45 minutes. Or we might be waving our arms around gesticulating wildly to a friend and then expect our horse to understand that we are now pointing for them to move out on the lunge and no longer talking to the friend. It is hard for horses to know what to ignore and what not to ignore, and this stress can cause them to tune out. Being conscious of what we do around our horses is, therefore, another part of the attunement process. Making sure that what we do has meaning or that we are clear with our horses about when we need their attention and when we don't, can make communication easier and improve the sense of 'being understood' that is so key for attunement.

TAKE-HOME

The better we get at practising attunement with our horses, the deeper our relationship will go with them. After all, it is the key to developing a genuine two-way relationship built on trust and understanding. Who wouldn’t want that?!

To find out more contact Shelley Wolhuter from Libratum Equus | Balanced Horse Facebook: Libratum Equus Instagram: @libratum_equus www.libratumequus.com