Life of George

LESSONS FOR HUMANS TAUGHT BY DOGS

AUTHOR: George Swainson – CEO Life of George and incredibly goodlooking black Labrador

HOW TO WALK YOUR HUMAN

Humans need exercise. If they don’t get out regularly, they can become irritable and so obsessed with those rectangular devices in their hands that they can’t stop tapping. It is up to us dogs to save them from themselves.

Here are the steps you need to take to walk your human effectively:

Firstly, you need to allow your human to tether themselves to you. This keeps them from running away or wandering off. Your human will also need regular breaks, so be sure to stop and sniff frequently.

Humans have short attention spans, so make sure to bark regularly. This distracts them from their phones and keeps them focussed on the task at hand.

Make sure you leave pee-mails on all relevant meeting poles and trees. If you do a ‘number 2’, be sure to have trained your human to pick up after you. Ecofriendly poop bags are a must for any walk. If necessary, attach a pouch to your lead and carry them yourself.

Periodically, I encourage you to drag your human along as fast as you can - this is called interval training, and it is good to get their heart rate up.

Under no circumstances allow your human to shorten your walks. They are just being lazy. If you think a shortcut is imminent, sit in protest if you must.

Once you return home, allow your human to remove their tether, give you a big hug and then lick their face many times over in return. This is positive reinforcement for a job well done.