Upcoming comedy performers in clude Paul Reiser and Aida Rodriguez. Reiser is a comedian, actor, and writer. He is known most recently for his roles on Stranger Things and The Komin sky Method. Reiser’s show is on Sept. 9.Tickets are five dollars for Cal Poly Humboldt students. Rodriguez is also a comedian, actor, and writer and cur rently has a standup special streaming on HBO Max. Rodriguez will be at the Van Duzer on Sept. 22. Tickets for her show will be free for students. Music and comedy are not the only performances that will come to Cal Poly Humboldt. Cirque Mechanics will be performing their newest show, Zephyr, on Oct. “Cirque4. Mechanics, although in spired by modern circus, finds its roots in the mechanical and its heart in the stories of American ingenuity.” the Center Arts website says. “The stories are wrapped in circus acrobatics, me chanical wonders and a bit of clowning around.”Forperformance dates, ticket prices, and additional information, visit the Cal Poly Humboldt Center Arts web site or the Cal Poly Humboldt Featured Events page.
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 24, 2022 | VOL. 121 NO. 2The Lumberjack STUDENTS SERVING THE CAL POLY HUMBOLDT CAMPUS AND COMMUNITY SINCE 1929 FREE R.O.S.E.EvictedHouse True Crime Problematicis HoroscopesIndex House to be torn down in favor of new dorms Fear of victimization for students Read what the semester has in store for you News................... 3 L&A...................... 4 Science... 5 Opinion............... 7 Page 3 Page 7 Page 8
“We’ve been working with it for over a year [and] we’ve developed relationships with several hotel owners and proper ty managers,” Onge said. “This property was nice. There’s a pool there, and laun dry is included, so we think the location was good, and the amenities are good.” This academic year, the Comfort Inn will house almost 98 students with ame nities like maid service and free conti nental breakfast. Residence Life is doing their best to make it a genuine college dorm experience with group dinners. The bus to campus takes 10 min.
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*Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want by The
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Humboldt students struggle to find housing by Ollie Hancock In August of every year, a new batch of students fills the dorms, apartments, and homes in Arcata neighborhoods. Overbearing parents pilot SUVs in a line around the block on check-in day. Stu dents scramble through Craigslist listings in search of a last-minute furnishing op portunity.It’snosecret there is a housing short age in Arcata, but the new polytechnic designation will increase demand. Cal Poly Humboldt expects to double in en rollment in the next six years. There are plans to build infrastructure, but they won’t be available until 2025 at the ear liest. During this in-between period, the school will provide “bridge” housing. Ste ven Onge, a representative of Housing and Residence Life, explained the plan to master-lease nearby hotels to house stu dents in the meantime.
Van Duzeragainhosts Speakers, Musicians, and More!
Students are houndinghousingfor Smiths you are on campus this semester to physically pick up this copy of the Lumberjack, then you know how rough the housing market is in Humboldt. On-campus housing is at capacity for the 2022-2023 academic year, leaving students hard-pressed to find housing elsewhere.Thesolution our glorious polytech nic has come up with for solving the housing crisis includes housing stu dents at the Comfort Inn in Arcata, where the familiar “HOUSING MOVEIN” signs can be seen planted outside… the Patriot gas station on Giuntoli? For incoming students, will moving them into a hotel for the year really give them the classic Humboldt experience? How will they go on a campus tour to the woods at 10pm to engage in some com pletely legal activities in the forest? Will they still be able to experience the joy of traversing half a mile every morning from their dorm to the JGC for some subpar tater tots for breakfast? There’s the additional hardship of inexperience in finding housing among the college age demographic, as this is many people’s first time leaving home, or really living on their own. I was just living on campus last semester and eat ing donuts from the J for breakfast ev ery morning, now I’m expected to mag ically be responsible enough to get an apartment? If you don’t have previous rental experience, you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into, and there are some predatory property manage ment companies in Humboldt that capitalize on that. With the reality of mainly in-person classes for this school year, the pressure to find housing near campus is on like never before. Don’t even get me started on owning furniture! You will never realize how expensive a couch is until you have to buy one for yourself. Tables are also very expensive, but I could talk about how expensive furniture is all day. When hunting for housing, furniture is the least of your worries. Having an ac tual apartment to put it all in is priority number one, and with the aforemen tioned problems with the Humboldt housing market, it can be a tall task to tackle.
by Ione Dellos by Nina Hufman
Increased polytechnic enrollment exacerbates Arcata’s housing shortage courtesy of Cal Poly Humboldt | View of the Canyon Dorms from the Jolly Green Commons.
This semester, the John Van Duzer Theatre will host a variety of shows, musicians, and Performancesspeakers.already began earlier this week. On Sunday, the theater host ed Durand Jones and the Indications, an Indiana based funk and soul band. The show also featured guest perform er Keifer.Another upcoming performance is the Emo Night Tour on Sept. 8 at 8 pm. According to the Cal Poly Humboldt Center Arts website, the tour will fea ture DJs playing punk and rock music from bands like Fall Out Boy, Taking Back Sunday, Panic! At The Disco, and My Chemical Romance. Tickets for this event are also free to Cal Poly Hum boldt“Thestudents.EmoNight Tour DJs will be spinning all the angst your teenage dirtbag heart desires all night long,” the Center Arts website says. “A spe cial guest band will make you feel like you’re at Warped Tour ‘08 minus all the dust and melting in the sun!”
Wednesday August 24, 2022 THE LUMBERJACKPAGE 2 Do you want to purchase an ad with EmailContactLumberjack?theus: : Orgmail.comlumberjack.ads2@ visit our website for more info. The Lumberjack KIRBYFACULTYALANASOCIALOLLIEDELIVERYLYDIAVIDEOANGELWEBELISECARLOSANGELJACKAUGUSTOLLIELAYOUTSOPHIACOPYJACKPHOTOCAMILLEOPINIONDEZMONSPORTSAUGUSTSCIENCENINALIFECARLOSNEWSAUGUSTMANAGINGOLLIEEDITOR-IN-CHIEF:HANCOCKEDITOR:LINTONEDITOR:PEDRAZA&ARTSEDITOR:HUFMANEDITOR:LINTONEDITOR:REMINGTONEDITOR:DELANYEDITOR:HALLINANEDITOR:ESCUDEROEDITORS:HANCOCKLINTONHALLINANBARKERPEDRAZAFEROEDITOR:BARKEREDITOR:GRANDE-RUIZDRIVER:HANCOCKMEDIAMANAGER:HACKMANADVISER:MOSS ALANAOLLIESTEFFININAAUGUSTCAMILLEALINACARLOSIONEJAKECONTRIBUTORS:KNOELLERDELLOSPEDRAZAFERGUSONDELANYLINTONHUFMANPUERTOHANCOCKHACKMAN
Wednesday August 24, 2022NEWSTHE LUMBERJACK PAGE 3 HousingFROMPAGE1
Affordable student health vending machines
The Reusable Office Supply Ex change, currently located between the Campus Apartments and Bret Harte House, accepts donations of unused office supplies and provides resourc es for students in need of them. The house has been ordered to move with all of its materials to Nelson Hall in an unknown room. This order was sudden, Ella Moore, co-director of the ROSE House said. “Last semester, right before the summer they told us we would need to hire a moving company. And just two days ago we were told we needed to be out by September 1st,” Moore said. While the Rose House is still accept ing donations and is giving access to students, Moore continued to explain how the move will interrupt the pro gram. “This is definitely going to interrupt our programs, take hours away from real work,” Moore said.
ROSE House evicted to be torn down for new dorms by Carlos Pedraza
Photo Courtesy of Cal Poly Humboldt | Students move into dorms for Fall 2022 semester on Aug. 15.
Photo by Carlos Pedraza| Inside the ROSE house with office supplies available for students.
Free cold and flu supplies $11 emergency contraceptives (Day afterPregnancypill) tests COVID-19BandaidsEyeTamponsCondomsdrops tests
Students still aren’t convinced. Kirby Marks, a nonbinary student, was made to choose between staying in male or female dorms when the gender-neutral dorms were unavailable in their build ing.“I had to call them, and I was like, ‘I have no choices. There is no housing for me to choose from. I will not be able to live on campus. What’s going to hap pen?” Marks said. “So I had to change my gender marker to male so that I could actually get into housing.” Opportunities for housing off cam pus are few and far between. Senior Humboldt student Zack Gamble says the high demand for housing allowed landlords to take advantage of students. “It’s too easy to be a bad landlord out here,” Gamble said. “You don’t have the by Steffi Puerto opportunity to turn down a place be cause you might not get another one for a few months. You have to take what you can get no matter how rundown or decrepit it is.” Since moving to Humboldt, Gam ble has experienced his fair share of shaky Humboldt housing situations, from dry rot-ridden houses that shift with every earthquake to out-of-code heaters that require DIY maintenance. Gamble thinks the school should look critically at how the polytechnic desig nation will impact housing.
Although some of these resources are free, some require some form of payment. The payment accepted is cash, c-cards, and debit/credit cardoptions.Some of the shelves in the ROSE House are empty now, but many of them are filled with supplies. Rows of manila folder and binders from small to large still hug the walls of the build ing. Textbooks and unused scantrons are found in the building. “The Rose House means a lot to us,” ROSE House co-director Hannah Wholsanchez said. “It’s a nice place to hang out and create opportunities for students to live sustainability.” Its door is remaining open to stu dents who still come in periodically. Student Whitney Messer was visiting the House after viewing the prices at the Cal Poly Bookstore. “This totally saved my bacon, I’m on loans, no support from family,” Messer said.Messer gave a tour of the buildings and its supplies, expressing gratitude to the “Whoeverorganizer.started this, bless them,” Messer said.
If you are a student living on cam pus, or a student who spends a lot of time on campus, truth be told you might find yourself in need of emergency con traception, over-the-counter medicine, or even a rapid COVID-19 test. Luckily for you, there are five student health vending machines throughout campus that offer those and more resources at an affordable price. Where are the vending ma chines located? There are five vending machines through out Cal Poly Hum boldt’s campus. They can be found at theseNelsonlocations:Hall (Across from the Goodwill forum) Housing Cashier (On the third floor of the Jolly Giant Commons)CollegeCreek mailroom lobby The first floor of the student activ ity center (next to the entrance of the Depot)College Creek The goal of these student health vending machines is to offer health items at as low a price as possible. What can I find in the vending machine?
“You can’t increase your student base every year but have nowhere to put them,” Gamble said.
a hike why doncha: A guide to the best hiking spots by Alina Ferguson Cal Poly Humboldt is famous for its forest and hiking. Arcata is central ly located between hills, forests and beaches, so there are a lot of options for anyone looking to backpack, camp or simply take a hike. Maired Sardina, program coordina tor for the Center Activities Recreation and Wellness Center on the CPH cam pus, has some tips and trips for aspir ingThehikers.Arcata Community Forest is right here on campus. It is easily acces sible for those without cars or any oth er mode of transportation. This hike is relatively low intensity, so it is not re quired to be a seasoned or skilled hiker. This hike is also safest for beginners or anyone new to the area, as it is con nected not only to campus, but to the town as well, so it is difficult to get lost. “There are so many options to get back into town,” said Sardina. According to returning senior, sea soned hiker and R.A. Alexis Quiroz, the Community Forest is best for begin ners because there are resources avail able close by. “If you get lost or injured and you dial 911, it connects you to the UPD in stead of the Arcata Police because the forest is within the school boundary,” saidLastQuiroz.semester, Olivia Greenwood, an education major here at Cal Poly, said she spent practically every day in the Arcata Community Forest. “I was hiking like everyday last se mester, I would hit the trail at like 4pm and I went pretty deep into the forest,” said“HikingGreenwood.during covid was pretty iso lating but kind of nice, to be alone with nature.”Ahidden gem that is really only ever traveled by locals, a part two to this hike, is called Beith Creek Loop. While not on the campus itself, it is a short distance away, within the Arcata main town.A10 minute drive away from the CPH campus, the Ma-Le’l Dunes are a historically significant hiking spot. These dunes lead to the waterfront. This route is the site of many historical events, which mostly occurred during the late 1990s and early 2000s, as pro testers lived in trees. To find more in formation, the Humboldt Nature cen ter has hikes available. The Coastal Nature Center has a visitor center with plaques listing facts about the dunes and the nature around the“That’sdunes. one of my favorite areas,” said Sardina. “It’s gorgeous there.” Headwaters Forest Reserve is a pro gressive hike. The first mile is all paved, so it is most popular for casual strolls, skateboarding or dog walking. Howev er, the next four miles are all trail, so the intensity picks up. “You get to choose your own adven ture,” said Sardina. “You can choose, I want to go a mile on the pavement, I want to go a mile on the trail, or you can choose to do all ten miles, 5 miles in and 5 miles out.” Fern Canyon is one of the busiest and most famous hiking spots in Hum boldt. So much so that a permit is now required to get in until October 1st. The canyon itself is a flat hike, with fallen trees and trails partially submerged underwater. Hikers can park directly next to the canyon or hike in from the Prairie Creek Visitor Center, about an 11 mile round trip according to the Na tional Park Service. This hike is much further from cam pus, about a 40 minute drive. Howev er, the hike leads to a beach called Gold Bluff, where camping out for the night is anPrairieoption.Creek Redwood National Park is home to the tallest trees in the world. To see these giants, it takes 45 minutes from campus, if not by car, then by bus as all Cal Poly Students can use their student IDs for free transport. This is the spot for anyone looking to camp, or go backpacking for a day. Backcountry campsites are very com mon to find, a couple of the biggest be ing 44th Camp and Elon Camp. “I couldn’t recommend it more,” Sardinia said.
Jules “GoingAnthropologyHarrisforakinda chill vibe today, all green ‘cause it’s the best color, obvi ously,” Harris said. Graphics by Alana Hackman and Jack Hallinan
Ava BotanyGuillen
Wednesday, August 24, 2022 LIFE & ARTS THE LUMBERJACKPAGETake4
Photo by Lauren Biehl | Arcata Community Forest bridge connecting campus to trails.
“I actually have an interview today as well so I was trying to make it be fit ting for the humidity but also a nice dress for my interview,” Guillen said. “My cowgirl boots are an everyday sort of thing and always accessories.”
Milo “TheEcologyThomvibefor today is just a little chill fit, you know I had to be a little cozy for the third day of school,” Thom said.
Fit Check by Alana Hackman Isabel Bunton “I don’t know, I woke up late for class and just threw clothes on, honestly,” Bunton said. “Signature leather jacket as always.”
Photo by Elliot Portillo courtesy of the Humboldt Athletics Dept. | Humboldt midfielder Devin Hauenstein in the pre-season exhibition game on Aug. 15. Soccer is back at Cal Poly Hum boldt. After a long offseason of prepa ration for both the men’s and women’s teams, they are back for three presea son exhibition matches each. On Aug. 25, the two teams will take to the field for their first official matches of the 2022 fall season. The men’s team will face Northwest Nazarene University at College Creek Field at 3 p.m., while the women’s team will travel to Ramirez Field in Fresno to face Fresno Pacif ic University. Last season both teams showed a lot of potential, which has led to suspense surrounding the upcoming season. The players themselves are also excited to be back on the field. The men have three senior captains, with no shortage of experience play ing under pressure at College Creek or anywhere away from home. Midfielder Devin Hauenstein believes that their team chemistry and togetherness will be a strength this season. “Over our captains’ camp, the team was able to connect and build strong relationships with each other so that we’re stronger out here on the field,” Hauenstein said. There is plenty of room to do even better, and defender Dylan Tovani spoke about what he thinks will bring the team up another level. “We need to get on the finishing touches at the end when we’re looking to score more goals. We did pretty well last season with our shutouts and keep ing the ball out of the back of our net, but putting more in the back of the oth er team’s net is gonna benefit us more to win more games and push forward,” Tovani said. The team was close to making the conference tournament last season, and midfielder Motoki Sato is confi dent that this is their year to do it. “That’s almost an expectation, and if we just continue putting in the work I think we’re gonna be able to achieve it this year,” Sato said. With all their experience, these players know how to get ready for each game and give it theirTheall.women’s team has a good amount of seniors on their team this year as well, and their leadership has the potential to lead this team to a successful season. Another helpful strength for this team is their depth. According to coach Grant Landy, they have spent preseason trying to figure out the right lineup. “A lot of players have played, which is good,” Landy said. “It’s giving us a lot of information moving forward.”
SPORTS
Photo courtesy of Riley Clark | Roch Creek, an area that students were tasked with mapping near Bishop, California.
“The first field site we went to we were alone, then at the next site there was Sac State, Montana State, a class from Wyoming, Northridge was there,” said graduated geology student Nay de la Torre. Field Camp is analogous to a cap stone project for geology students, a field-wide tradition that most programs participate in. It teaches students how to apply their knowledge. The Poleta Formation is a common teaching location located in the East ern Sierras, where different layers of sediment are exposed and can tell geol ogists about the geologic history of that place.“It was deposited during the Cam brian…when California was covered in a shallow sea,” said de la Torre. “You could walk from LA to Las Vegas with water up to your knees.” This shallow sea still had tidal ac tion, which geologists can tell based on those“Thelayers.tide would come in and come out, so during this time sandstone would be deposited, then when the tide went out the water would evaporate and deposit carbonate rocks like lime stone,” de la Torre said. At a second location in the In yo-White Mountains, students spent time studying igneous intrusions into the crust, called plutons. There are also several wide-reaching fault systems that span the area, which students were tasked with mapping.
“At one of our sites we saw a series of faults and then at another one we saw a series there,” said Clark. “It was neat to correlate those…we know that the same compression on the continent caused it.” De la Torre says this trip stretched the students to their limits mentally and physically. “Everything that you’ve learned, you use it at Field Camp, with every class since freshman year,” said de la Torre. “You don’t really have time to do much else other than go to the field, eat din ner, and go to sleep, cause you’re so tired every single day.” Weeks of complete isolation from everything other than a small group of colleagues, six to nine miles of hik ing every day in baking sun, and liv ing in tents for a month taxed the stu dents, but also galvanized them. Their daily tasks, like surveying areas for map-making, mirror what they will be asked to do in their careers as geolo gists. “Field Camp feels like something that I’m going to remember for the rest of my life, because all the older geosci ence people that I talk to still remem ber their Field Camp,” de la Torre said.
Wednesday, August 24, 2022SCIENCETHE LUMBERJACK PAGE 5
The team has ideas for what they can do to take that next step and have a great season. Defender Abby Borg gained experience over the past two years and is on the field for her third season with the Jacks. “I think we need to capitalize on when we do win that ball, looking to spread out wide and find those areas where if we’re stuck on the right side, get it to the left side,” Borg said. Borg is returning to the team after being out last season with an injury. “My motivation this year is I’m back on the field so I wanna give it my all,” Borg added. While there are returners, there are also some younger players ready for the experience of playing at a college level. Jysabella Tolentino is a freshman from Moorpark, California playing forward this season. “I think that here at Humboldt, we have amazing players and we’re off to a pretty good start and I cannot wait for the season ahead,” Tolentino said. Both teams have lots of talent and dedication to the game of soccer, which is important on the field. The lead up to this season has been exciting. Now that it’s finally going to be here, we’ll see what kind of season the Lumber jacks have in store for everybody.
Photo courtesy of Riley Clark | The summer 2022 field camp expedition poses in Deep Springs Valley in Inyo County.
Field Camp tests geology students’ knowledge and endurance by August Linton Field Camp for Cal Poly Humboldt’s geology majors is a month-long aca demic camping trip, and a foundation al experience in the field that geologists remember with love. Local field trips to places in Hum boldt like Agate Beach and Big Lagoon are testing grounds for students used to dusty labs on campus. The university has a large library of rock samples, but students enjoy collecting their own. “Agate Beach was a good one,” said Riley Clark, a CPH graduate and Field Camp returnee. “I’ve had structural ge ology trips there to look at faults and things like that, and sedimentary geol ogy trips there to look at marine sedi ments.”Geology department classes teach both book knowledge and field tech niques. One class called petrology, about the origin and microscopic struc ture of rocks, uses a technique called thin sectioning. With careful sanding, epoxy, and heat, students can make mi crons-thick samples of rock for micro scope analysis. Field trips give students the opportunity to use these techniques at actual sites rather than in a lab. From May 29 to June 29, students from the program visited teaching sites in California’s Eastern Sierras for their capstone Field Camp, which is a more intense iteration of the geology field trip. Other geology programs also visit those same sites.
Soccer season returns with anticipation by Jake Knoeller
Wednesday, August 24, 2022PAGE 6 THE LUMBERJACK
There are some helpful resources that the university does provide, like the off-campus housing liaison, who provides one-on-one support and ad vice to help you on your journey to find housing. Also, in case you abruptly lose housing or cannot find any in time, Humboldt does provide the Emergen cy Housing Program. This program is subject to availability, and they can be reached at dos@humboldt.edu. Now, this isn’t supposed to be all doom and gloom. While it can feel im possible at times to find housing, it will only feel that way for a while. With the help of another roommate to scream with when the third property manage ment company you’ve reached out to doesn’t get back to you, a few co-sign ers to make up for that 750-point credit score you do not have at twenty years old, and a small miracle, you too can find housing!
by Camille Delany As a high schooler, I’d often listen to podcasts while jogging in the coun try by my house, or when walking to school. As I searched for compelling entertainment in the nascent medium, one genre rose to the top: true crime. It wasn’t just me, either. The boom seemed to begin with the success of NPR’s Serial in 2014, after which pod cast platforms became increasingly dominated by the genre. Rehashings of cold cases, mysterious disappearances, and serial killings became objects of public fascination, along with the real life stories of cults, shootings, and di sasters.True crime has long enjoyed main stream popularity in the form of books and television, but the rise of podcasts and streaming has brought it to a wider audience than ever. However, my expe rience as an avid listener of true crime podcasts was not entirely positive, and I’ve also recently heard peers discuss negative aspects of their interest in crime stories. A friend who used to be a huge fan of a few specific true crime podcasts says she’s going to cut back on her listening, as it increases her anxiety. This paral lels my experience; when I was a ded icated listener of crime podcasts, I no ticed myself feeling paranoid and less willing to interact with people outside of my immediate circles. The true crime genre isn’t populated with tales of wage theft or corporate en vironmental destruction, even though crimes like these have enormous im pacts and their perpetrators are rarely brought to justice. Even if we narrow our focus to violent crime, true crime narratives rarely follow the most com mon type of that, either. FBI homicide data for 2019 shows that in most cases of violent crime, both perpetrator and victim are male, and that they typically know each oth er. Trends like these aren’t apparent if your knowledge of crime statistics is in formed by a true crime podcast feed, as I notice is increasingly common. In my experience discussing the genre with friends and acquaintances, true crime consumption is linked with an idea of “research.” Often an enthu siasm for the genre is coupled with a belief that the information presented over the course of the narrative will aid in one’s survival. Engaging with it can become a vicious cycle. People who already feel themselves to be vul nerable are attracted to the genre, and the repetitive narratives of assault and kidnapping increase their anxiety. This keeps them returning in the hopes of gleaning insight into avoiding victim ization.However, it’s unlikely that consum ing true crime media does much to im prove the personal safety of women, in part because the type of crimes most frequently profiled are vanishingly rare, and exceedingly difficult to pre vent. Women are already conditioned to fear strangers, even as, statistically speaking, acquaintances and domestic partners are far more dangerous. The popular true crime podcast My Favorite Murder signs off with the glib tagline, “Stay sexy, don’t get murdered.” This about sums up the attitude of many true crime creators and audiences with which I take issue. The process of consuming a true crime narrative to reassure yourself that you could have seen the “warning signs” and avoided death, kidnapping, or sex ual assault is a form of victim-blaming. Also, the genre’s commodification of tragedy and violence is uncomfortable at best and, at worst, damaging to vic tims and their families. I’m not asking anyone to quit listening to their favor ite podcast, just to think more critical ly about the media they engage with. What structures are supported by it? How does it make you feel?
Wednesday, August 24, 2022OPINION PAGE 7THE LUMBERJACKThetrouble
with true crime
Graphic by Ione Dellos HOUNDINGFROMPAGE1 Graphic by August Linton
Virgo Gemini Pisces Aquarius
Sagittarius
The stars are telling me the tears you shed over your closet size on move-in day were all worth it. Your outfits are still weak though. Get some layers. That’s so impressive you were your high school’s valedictorian. Said no col lege student ever. You might wanna stop introducing yourself as that in your classroom icebreakers.
Wow your summer sounded so cool! Sounds like it was so awesome and fun!!!! I’m not passively aggressively plac ing these exclamation points between my words out of jealousy or anything!!!! You should keep your trip abroad to yourself. For real though. I see that you’ve already taken your Tinder account for a test drive. Do you find mountain bikes and mullets sexy yet?
That Excel sheet you’ve used to orga nize your meals, classes, social life and downtime this semester will be use less after the first week. Time to start shot-gunning cold brews to really start on the right foot. Still can’t decide between the pink or green notebook? It won’t matter when the tears blur your vision in the back of your general botany class this fall. You should still get pink though.
Hey the inside of your singular cook ing pot is looking a bit fuzzy. Are you doing that cause you miss your cat back home? It’s the first week of class es though, so you should probably buy a loofah now. Just a recommendation.
By Alana Hackman
Capricorn Libra Cancer Scorpio Leo Taurus
Don’t know if you knew this but you’re supposed to keep your flip-flops on in the communal showers. The health center should have some antifungal cream. Re member, green toenails are not normal! Reminder! Your roommates are not all-expenses-paid psychiatrists. They are paying an arm and a leg to live with you too, unfortunately. Get a journal or something please. You didn’t hear this from me, but your bottom bunk bed is not a safe space for you to call your mommy every night to cry about how the rigatoni at the din ing hall wasn’t al dente. Everyone on your floor is concerned.
The third floor of the library is not where you’re gonna have your manic pix ie dream girl moment this year. Get to class and stop perusing the Joan Didion section.Aries
BACK TO HOROSCOPESSCHOOL
Beanie over the smoke detector. Very clever. You know it still smells like a cat’s litter box though, right?
Wednesday, August 24, 2022PAGE 8 THE LUMBERJACK
