Red Bird Ministries

Red Bird Ministries helps parents who have experienced the loss of a child

Two parishes in diocese offer support to grieving parents

Story by Janet Marcel ~ Photos by Lawrence Chatagnier

Individuals and couples in the Diocese of HoumaThibodaux who have experienced the loss of a child from pregnancy through adulthood will now have a local resource to help them through the grieving process.

Red Bird Ministries (RBM), a non-profit, pro-life and profamily, Catholic grief support ministry, co-founded by Ryan and Kelly Breaux of Breaux Bridge, LA, is now being offered at St. Hilary of Poitiers Church parish in Mathews and St. Gregory Church parish in Houma.

This past summer, a Red Bird Ministries 1-Day Couples Workshop was held at St. Hilary of Poitiers Church parish after parishioner Brittany Bollinger discovered Red Bird Ministries on the internet while researching types of grief ministries. She asked her friend Sarah Matherne if she would be willing to be a part of the ministry if it would be offered in their church parish.

In September, Red Bird Ministries hosted a retreat at the Lumen Christi Retreat Center in Schriever for mothers who have lost a child entitled “I Am Restored,” for approximately 48 women from all over the country.

Red Bird Ministries, which is approved by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) and listed in the Official Catholic Directory, was formed to help people understand grief, how to navigate through it, and most crucially, how to begin the healing process. It is Catholic because of the critical role the church’s sacraments play in conjunction with the other disciplines in its approach.

The Breaux’s own personal journey of loss propelled them to establish this ministry in 2018, after a decade of darkness in their lives. Ryan and Kelly Breaux gave birth to a set of twins in 2005, a son Talon and a daughter Emma Grace. Talon died after 15 days, with Emma Grace joining her brother in heaven three years later. Kelly says their children were able to receive the Christian Rite of Burial from the church, but after their funerals, there was no support.

“This forced us to make sense of death and dying in the secular world. Despite the help from traditional therapy, we still felt like there was a gaping hole in our lives that nothing satisfied. In the aftermath of our children’s death, the desire for heaven intensified. Never before had I thought about such profound things that made me stop and wonder why I even existed,” says Kelly. “Although I wanted to go to heaven to see my children again, I was so angry with God. Losing a child can affect your thinking process, cause doubt within a

your faith, and make you question God’s goodness. These are all the normal and common reactions, feelings, and thoughts associated with the loss of a child.”

Everything changed when Kelly and her husband encountered Jesus in adoration during their Cursillo weekend. “Our emotional and spiritual wounds were healed through the sacraments, reconciling us back to sanctifying grace. We truly found the peace we were in search of. My truth then became that God did not will my children to die, but he will allow me to be sanctified through it,” she says.

Red Bird Ministries teaches families how to live a sacramental life, and that suffering has purpose if you know what to do with it. “We believe grief support ministry is the missing touch point to evangelization that has not been addressed by the church,” says Kelly. “Death has no meaning without God. Faith is the only thing that can give people hope during their grief process.”

In her role as president of the ministry, Kelly wears many hats. In addition to supporting families of loss, she helps equip leaders in other dioceses to minister to families in their communities, and she also manages organizational needs, fundraising and mission activities.

“To have the ability to sit with others in the sacredness of their grief and to be trusted with the altars of their hearts is such a blessing. It has been my experience that the kindest, most compassionate, empathetic, and strongest people are those who suffer greatly. Seeing families of loss persevere and work through their suffering with their faith gives me hope, and it is an honor to minister to them,” Kelly says.

Red Bird Ministries offers many opportunities for families of loss. • Virtual: A branded app is available in the Apple App and Google Play Stores (search Red Bird Ministries). Inside the app are opportunities to connect for support: One-on-one comfort calls, one-on-one spiritual direction calls, weekly check-in calls (day and evening times), retreats, webinars, etc.; as well as prayer opportunities, daily meditations, daily readings, and a community of grieving families to connect with. • Resources: Hiding in the Upper Room (Kelly’s healing journey), Restoring Love (Couples Consecration), and Beloved, not Broken (Lenten Journal). • In-Person: 10-Week Grief Program, 1-day Couples Workshop, Small Group Resource Options.

Red Bird Ministries offers many opportunities for parochial leaders, laity and clergy. • Training and Onboarding for leaders to be able to offer support in their church parish or diocese. • Leader formation and support to be in community with other leaders and to grow as a national team. • Programs and Resources that allow leaders to have the tools to equip them to minister and serve grieving families.

Red Bird Ministries offers opportunities for family members and friends of child loss. • Gift someone with the support of a healing box through our shop. • Virtual support inside our app.

Some of the other programs that are in the works or awaiting funding are: • The Good Shepherd program in partnership with Divine Mercy University to train and help with the formation of our clergy to be able to minister to grieving families. • The Grief Journey is a catechetical journey through grief while also ministering to the wounds of loss. Having a language of grief and also an understanding of suffering changes the perception of grief. When families of loss come to know that God did not will their child to die but allowed it, it helps them to carry the heavy cross of child loss. • The Grieving Dad’s Guide is a book for men who have experienced loss. The book will be used as a resource for men after the loss of their child of any age.

Father Rusty Paul Bruce, administrator of St. Hilary of Poitiers Church parish, celebrated Mass and the sacrament of reconciliation for the mothers, and also listened to their stories throughout the weekend retreat that took place in September.

“My experience ministering to the women at the retreat was a humbling opportunity for me to learn more about this particular area of grief (child loss). I realized very quickly in preparing for the retreat that it was going to be a life healing opportunity in many ways for both the retreatants and those leading it. Getting there and praying with the core team before the retreatants arrived gave me a great sense of peace and the impression that we were about to be walking on sacred ground together in this journey,” says Father Bruce.

The priest says as he began meeting with the women and listening to their stories, he could not help but think, and comment, how incredibly strong they are for living through each of their experiences. “I walked away from that retreat with not only more tools to help others in ministry, but also an increased gift of faith and trust in God. To have gone through one child loss is difficult to say the least, but some had experienced the loss of numerous children, yet all of them have incredible faith and trust in God. It was a great blessing to my own priesthood to see the strength of these women lived out. They made present for all of us the theology of suffering and the gift of grace that comes from redemptive suffering as we journeyed together that weekend from Calvary to the Empty Tomb.”

Father Bruce says he is thankful that his parish of St. Hilary of Poitiers is helping to lead the way in bringing this vital ministry to our area, as it is much needed and long overdue.

“I am also relieved that this ministry equips priests with the necessary tools and experience to better minister to those who have a particular grief in early child loss. Individuals who experience child loss are often lumped into grief ministries that do not address their particular needs. Most of us can reason through the loss of an elderly person we love, even if we struggle to accept it. The loss of an infant or child, however, leaves us with more questions and less answers. The beauty of Red Bird Ministries is that the ministry itself is not the answer to those questions, but it is a vessel to point those searching for the answers to their ‘whys’ to the only person who can provide adequate answers: Jesus Christ.”

Red Bird Ministries is not a program; they are a ministry in the true sense as they are committed to accompanying each person through the stages of grief, explains Father Bruce.

“Community is an important aspect of their ministry, as those grieving often feel alone in their struggle. What I appreciate most as a priest is that Red Bird Ministries understands the importance of healing the whole a

person—body, mind and soul. They do this by providing those grieving with not only needed counseling and spiritual direction, but they also encourage the individual to participate in the sacramental life of the church where God pours out abundant grace.”

Sarah Matherne, coordinator of parish life at St. Hilary of Poitiers Church parish, and her husband Nick who lost their seven-year-old son Owen in June 2015 in a drowning accident, attended the 1-day workshop, and Sarah attended the mother’s retreat in September. Sarah and her husband Nick are now trained Red Bird Ministries leaders at St. Hilary of Poitiers parish. For more information, contact Sarah at (985) 537-6002.

“After Owen died there was a tremendous amount of support from the community … but just being able to sit with women who have been through something similar to what you’ve been through and be able to be real with them and not have to sensor what you’re thinking and what you’ve gone through because you know they understand … is such a relief and just a beautiful experience,” she says.

Sarah wants to be involved in Red Bird Ministries because she hopes to prevent others from feeling alone after the loss of a child. “Grief is a tangled ball of mess and you go in and out of all the stages … but when you have someone walking through it with you, it’s not as overwhelming and not as exhausting as when you have to do it by yourself. I believe we are called to build the Body of Christ, all of us … every part of it. We are Christ’s hands and feet, and we have to be willing to help others.”

Because of her grief and suffering, Sarah knows she can connect to other people who are suffering. “One of the most important and profound things we talked about at the retreat was Christ’s redemptive suffering and us uniting our suffering with his, and knowing our suffering means something and it has a purpose,” explains Sarah. “Because we are entering into his suffering, we are entering into his redemption, also.”

Denise Dehart, secretary/bookkeeper for St. Gregory Church parish in Houma who lost her 36-year-old son Reggie Jr. to COVID-19 in August 2021, attended the 1-day workshop and the mother’s retreat. Denise is now trained to be a Red Bird Ministries leader at St. Gregory parish. For more information, contact Denise at (985) 876-2047.

“After Reggie died, the one thing I wanted was to connect with other women who had been through what I was going through, and I hadn’t been able to do that. But at the retreat, I was able to bond with those women and that’s what I needed,” says Denise. “And I needed to find Jesus again because sometimes you hurt so bad and you want to blame someone … and I didn’t even realize it, but I was blaming God. I couldn’t pray anymore. Red Bird Ministries helped me find what I needed. The key is Jesus. You have to have faith that God will help you through this.”

Even before she lost her son, Denise says she felt a strong calling to do some type of bereavement ministry at St. Gregory, because she felt it was an important ministry that was missing in her church parish. However, after Reggie died she says she was so angry with God that she told him to find someone else to do the ministry because she wasn’t doing it. However, going through the grieving process herself, she realized how important it is to be there for other people who are in the same situation she is in and she knows she has to do it.

Red Bird Ministries will be hosting a retreat for fathers who have lost a child entitled “Follow Me” on Dec. 2-4 at the Lumen Christi Retreat Center. For more information about Red Bird Ministries or any of their events, visit https://www. redbird.love/. BC

Sarah Matherne Denise Dehart