Moan Magazine by Hunter Simpson

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MOAN magazine Moan magazine is a sex-positive and inclusive publication rooted in our mission to destigmatize pleasure. There is little middle ground when it comes to mainstream notions of pleasure, because it’s either biologic or pornographic. We seek to explore the space between, a more casual take on everyday pleasure. Our hope in addition to educating and entertaining is to be a jumping off point for folx to form their own understanding and confidence around pleasure, and bring it fully into your life without reservation. ✳

✳ We recognize this is not a perfect collection of stories. Several articles in this issue are specific to femme identifying and vagina-owning folx, this issue’s primary audience. While this group is often stigmatized within patriachry, there are others who suffer greater prejudice and discrimination. In addition, sex toys are not an accessbile method of pleasure for all. Our effort to bring you accurate, diverse, and inclusive content is consistent and ever-evolving. We thank our community for your guidance and support.

The

Self-

Pleasure

Issue

Table 2

How To Buy A Sex Toy

8 Reasons Why Everyone Should Masturbate

3 Jessamyn Stanley on Why Masturbation Is “Maintenance” For Your Body

4 How to Masturbate if You Have a Vagina: Fingers and Toys Tips

5 Hump & Grind: Nope, It’s Not Weird

Here’s What 20 Girls in Their 20s Love About Masturbation

Why Am I Always Horny?! The Reasons You’re Turned On All the Time

How Masturbation Helped Me Get Control Over My C-PTSD

Contents

BY ZHANA VRANGALOVA

8 Reasons Why Everyone Should Masturbate 8

We’ve already talked about the absurd history that has led to the stigma surrounding masturbation. Though all of those outdated, negative myths about masturbation are false, they still persist, which sends the message that self-love is somehow bad, and maybe even bad for you. Of all sex-related topics, masturbation is the one that parents are more uncomfortable discussing with their kids (and so they either avoid it or present it in a very negative light), and even doctors stay away from this topic when talking about sex. All this negativity rubs off on all people of all gender identities, but especially on girls. Research shows that among U.S. teens ages 14-17, about 25% of boys and about 50% of girls have never masturbated, and even more have not done it in the past month 50 percent of boys and 75% of girls And many teens, both those who do and do not masturbate, frequently feel guilt and shame around this practice. The reality is, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with masturbating. In fact, it can have a number of positive benefits for people of all genders. Here are just 8 reasons why more people should masturbate.

It feels good.

The most obvious benefit of masturbation is that our brains and bodies are wired in a way that makes touching yourself feel good, and having an orgasm feel amazing. This is a simple biological reality, and is true even before we hit puberty and become sexually aware this is why many children masturbate from the moment they are born, all through puberty, and beyond.

It comes with health perks.

In addition to sexual pleasure, people frequently report masturbation can be a good tool for coping with stress, releasing general tension, or insomnia. It may also help alleviate headaches or menstrual cramps, improve the muscle tone in your pelvic area (which comes in very handy for preventing urinary leakage later in life), reduces risk of prostate cancer, and flushes out toxins and bacteria.

It’s completely safe sex.

Unlike partnered sex, there are absolutely

zero risks of sexually transmitted infections or unwanted pregnancy when you’re having sex with yourself. (As long as you’re not using other people’s used sex toys to masturbate with.)

Doesn’t require a partner.

Many teens, and people in general, who feel sexual desire can’t find a partner or don’t feel ready to have partnered sex. Masturbation is the best and safest way to take care of your sexual needs without having to engage in the more emotionally and socially complex aspects of sexual and romantic relationships.

It can serve as a source of sexual empowerment.

Masturbating teaches people what they like sexually and how they like their bodies touched. It teaches you that your body can serve as a source of pleasure and that you have a right to feel that kind of pleasure. Seriously, enjoy it. In a world that teaches girls sexual passivity, this is a particularly important lesson to learn. Girls who have more positive views of masturbation tend to feel more in control of their sexuality and have better body image.

Makes for better feeling (partnered) sex.

Unsurprisingly, increased comfort with your body and sexuality translates into better feeling partnered sex. The more you know how to please yourself, the easier you can tell/ show a partner how to make your body feel good. And if you masturbate by yourself, you’re also much more likely to give yourself a hand during partnered sex, which is correlated with a much higher chance of having an orgasm, as well as partners who are happy you are confident and comfortable with your body.

May protect against sexual difficulties later in life.

Knowing what feels good and feeling comfortable with your body is more important when you get older. In one study, women who started masturbating in adolescence reported more frequent orgasms during partnered sex and fewer difficulties getting aroused as adults than women who did not masturbate as teens.

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There are no negative side effects of moderate masturbation.

Despite all the horror stories you may have heard, masturbating will not cause blindness, insanity, hairy palms, acne, infertility, or any of the other myths that have been proven false by actual science. The only thing it may lead to is a sense of guilt and shame if you’ve been taught that masturbation is wrong. In which case, it’s really not masturbation’s fault, and the solution is to overcome those negative beliefs. Wait, you just said “moderate” what about excessive masturbation? Does that have side effects? Well, think of it this way Too much of a good thing can certainly become a bad thing. Regular physical exercise is one of the best things you can do for your physical and mental health, yet too much exercise can lead to injuries, exhaustion, depression, and chronically elevated stress hormone levels. Water is essential to our survival, but drink too much of it, and it can kill you.

Self-pleasure is no different. Overdo it day after day, and you may find yourself experiencing fatigue, pelvic pain, lower back pain... You may also get so used to the specific way you touch yourself, that you won’t find as pleasurable the ways a partner may touch you. Ok, so, how much is too much? There is no clear cut-off point, but it’s actually less about how many times you do it, and more about how you do it and how it affects your life. If you’re masturbating so often that you don’t have time to get your (school) work done, hang out with your friends, devote time to your romantic partners, or engage in other hobbies, this may indicate some underlying issue, like depression, anxiety, or self-esteem problems, and you might talk to a trusted adult or mental health professional. But, while excessive masturbation is possible, it is rare. The vast majority of people who feel any kind of sexual desire would undoubtedly benefit from the occasional self-service.

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How to Buy a Sex Toy BY LOUISE BOURCHIER, MPH

Are you thinking about buying your first sex toy but not sure how to go about it? Stepping into a sex toy store or browsing sex toys online can definitely be overwhelming. With so many different products, shapes and prices, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hard to know where to start. These five questions will help you browse and choose with confidence: 13

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What sex toy tickles your fancy?

Did you click on an online catalogue because you were intrigued by vibrators? Did your friend get a butt plug and now you’re curious too? When choosing a toy, follow whatever it was that first piqued your interest, and let that guide your shopping journey. If you’re at a brick and mortar shop where you can play with display items, don’t be shy—turn them on, feel them up, and learn how they work! As you learn, you’ll get ideas about which toys are likely to suit you and which aren’t. If you’re not able to play with the toys before purchasing, read reviews from folx who have tried them.

How do you want to use your sex toy?

What’s your budget for a sex toy?

Some sex toys are designed for solo use, and some are better suited to partner play. Do you plan to use it mostly by yourself or with a partner? Maybe you’d like to do both? Read online and ask the store clerk about different ways the toys can be used. (Think creatively here, there are often fun and naughty ways to use a toy that might not be advertised.) If you are planning to use your toy with a partner, make sure you talk with them before buying it—better yet, go shopping together!

Sex toy prices range from super affordable to exorbitantly expensive. If you’re on a budget, and looking for an affordable starting place, there are a number of good toys for under $25. With a larger budget, you have more options; a high-quality vibrator can cost up to $200-300. Regardless of budget, consider starting off with something on the lower end of the price range and upgrading later down the line when you’ve got a better idea of what you like.

What material is your sex toy made of ?

There are so many different materials that sex toys can be made of: plastic, rubber, steel, wood, silicone, ceramic, to name but a few. Some materials are hard, some soft, some are body-safe and some are best avoided, and they come in at a range of price points. Silicone is a top sex toy material since it’s non-toxic and easy to clean, but it also more expensive. If a silicone toy is beyond your price range, go for a hard plastic one. Avoid softer, jelly-like plastic toys, however, as they can leach harmful chemicals and are harder to clean.

What size sex toy should you pick up?

Your eyes can be bigger than your orifices! As a general rule it’s better to start smaller than to be overly ambitious. If the toy you bought ends up being a little on the small side you can still enjoy it. But if the toy you bought is too big then it’ll be uncomfortable and you probably won’t use it much. Remember, you can always upgrade to something bigger next time. As a general rule it’s better to start smaller than to be overly ambitious…you can always upgrade to something bigger next time.

How do you clean your sex toy?

Your sex toy cleaning routine will depend on what the toy is made of and whether or not it has electrical parts. If the toy has a motor, pay attention to how waterproof the toy is (or isn’t), so as not to damage it. If it doesn’t have a motor, you may be able to boil it for three minutes and be good to go! Special toy cleaner sprays and wipes are convenient, but not necessary: Gentle soap and water is just as effective.

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Jessamyn Stanely

On Why Masturbation Is “Maintenance” For Your Body 16

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BY RACHEL SANOFF

Many people first got to know Jessamyn Stanley in 2012 when she started documenting her body-positive yoga practice on social media, revolutionizing what lots of folks incorrectly understood yoga to be: a fitness class reserved for thin white women. Describing herself as a “fat, Black, femme” teacher of yoga, Stanley proves that it does not belong to one demographic — especially not when cultural appropriation is involved. She empowers her students (and Instagram followers) to use meditation and yoga to challenge what they’ve been told about their bodies’ abilities. Stanley’s work to defy these kinds of stereotypes inspired the launch of The Underbelly, a new app providing accessible online classes for anyone who wants to study yoga outside of a studio setting with Jessamyn. But the Every Body Yoga author doesn’t suggest the Indian discipline is the only practice to help us accept our shapes and sizes. Stanley is an outspoken advocate for sexual liberation, and especially supports masturbation being used to help manage mental and physical health, as well as improve body image. Currently working on a new podcast about polyamory that delves into conversations about masturbation and other “sticky” subjects, as she puts it, Stanley spoke with O.school about the role self-pleasure plays in her own life and why it’s vital to overcome the stigma attached to making ourselves feel good.‍ 18

In an interview with Prevention, you said, “Masturbation has been one of my foolproof sleep aids and stress relievers since childhood, and it’s only been within the last few years that I’ve stopped making myself feel bad about it.” How did you overcome the shame you felt about masturbation? What is your advice to people who want to stop feeling bad about self-pleasure? JS: Honestly, the internet has been huge in helping me feel better about it. Seeking out sex positive influencers and websites — and resources like O.school, to be honest, that actually glorify masturbation. More than masturbation specifically, they glorify self-care and really knowing your body, and loving it as a tool for powerful change. That’s been really monumental for me because I grew up in a household where we did not talk about [masturbation]. It was definitely a source of great shame for me — like, it’s not an appropriate topic to even bring up, even in romantic relationships. For me, [the change] started on Tumblr and has grown into people I follow on Instagram, so the internet has been really helpful. In addition to that, just talking about it — I know that talking about it is the hard part, and it feels like [a subject] that you still want to shy away from. You can’t talk to everyone about it, obviously...If you start talking about it in random conversations, it can clam some people up really quickly because they’re so uncomfortable. But usually you have at least one friend who is chill to talk to you about it, and probably wants to talk with you about it....It doesn’t have to be like, let me tell you what kind of vibrator I’m using or what’s your technique? But just letting it happen in conversation naturally is really helpful. So much of this work is about us encourag-

ing each other — the people that you’re most comfortable with — so that we can create a ripple effect and everyone can feel the benefits [of masturbation]. I do think it’s helpful to find those conversations outside of the context of a romantic or sexual relationship. Because if yo u tie the relationship you have with another person to the relationship you have with yourself, it can create not the best results.

What is one of the most harmful things you were told about masturbation growing up? What is one of the most empowering things you’ve heard about masturbation since? JS: I don’t want to quote somebody and have my aunts turning in their graves like, “Bitch, I never said that!” [laughs] But I feel like there was definitely an undertone of, “You’re dirty if you masturbate. You’re not a good girl.” I was definitely raised to be a “good girl” — and the implication was that you’re impure, that only fast girls masturbate. As an adolescent, I 100% could have been categorized as a fast girl: It means I’m a bad person that I have these urges.‍ But something that’s been really empowering for me as an adult is understanding masturbation as part of an overall self care routine. I do think it’s different if you’re assigned female at birth (AFAB). If you are raised to see your body as a sexual device for other people, which is what I do think people who are AFAB are taught to believe, then you don’t think that you’re supposed to take care of your body. You think that your body is in service to others. So, for me, it’s been helpful to understand what a lot of people who are assigned male at birth are taught to believe — that if you masturbate, it’s going to make you feel good, and then you can go on with your day. And that’s why people do it, ultimately — it’s this buildup of energy inside of yourself that you just need to release. Then you can think more clearly, you can move more freely. You’re not going to not check the gears on your bike or not mow the lawn of your house or not do the dishes. It’s an overall maintenance thing for the body. It’s more than something that feels

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good; it feels good for a reason — because our bodies need it.

For you, do meditation and masturbation intersect? Do you set intentions or have a consistent routine? JS: I don’t specifically blend meditation and masturbation together… but there have definitely been times when I’ve been practicing yoga and, at the end of my practice, I’m so overwhelmed by sexual energy that I do end up masturbating, and that will be the precursor to meditation. But other than those situations, I don’t have a practice around linking the two and just maintain both practices... In terms of a masturbation routine, I don’t want to say it’s hard for me to masturbate, but I definitely have to have certain tools at hand to get off. I’m really into sex toys and there are specific products I have been using for years that I really swear by. I always have them on hand when I’m travelling and set them up next to the bed to make it special. At home, I have two of the same vibrator, one in each night stand because you never know what angle you’ll be reaching from. [laughs] And one of them also has a short right now — anyway, point is, always have the tools that are necessary. Sometimes I can get off with my hand in an emergency situation, and that’s great, but other times, I need to get in and get out. I don’t have time to be here all day. [laughs]‍

buck with that! It would be years before I got another one, and it was only because that one broke — and I went back to the same store and got the exact same vibrator again, and I, once again, used it for years. ...When I find the right tool for me, I’m like, I’m good.‍

In your experience, do yoga and masturbation have any overlapping mental health benefits? JS: For sure. They both just clear the path; they clear the way. It’s like sweeping out cobwebs. The physical practice of yoga is really meant to get you tired enough to meditate — all of the postures are so you can peel away the layers, peel away the bullshit, and tune into the truth of our existence. That, in a lot of ways, is really what masturbation offers me.

Do you think masturbation can improve body image? If so, how?

What was it like to buy your first sex toy?

JS: I think masturbation is key for [positive] body image. So much of having a good relationship with your body is really loving your body. If you can’t love it and really care about it and really want to worship it… you won’t understand [that love] when it’s coming from someone else. Masturbating is a really beautiful way to fall in love with yourself, and get into the depth of a relationship that is going to last literally your entire life [because] a relationship with another person truly might not. It can be so transformative for body image.‍

JS: I’m so glad we’re talking about this — it was so exciting but definitely nerve-racking. I live in North Carolina and I’m from North Carolina, and growing up in the Bible Belt, there is definitely a stigma around sex toy stores. If you live in New York or LA or even Atlanta, the options are so vast. Here, there are just very few. I don’t even remember the name of the store, but it was a very small store with a very little selection. I was 18, being like, I can buy cigarettes and I’m gonna be at the sex toy store. I remember getting this 7-inch plastic blue vibrator, and I wore that shit out. For years, I kept this vibrator… it only cost $20 or under. You can get bang for your

One of our contributors recently wrote a piece called “Masturbation and the Black Girl,” where she discusses the experiences of other Black women embracing self-pleasure in an unequal world. Has your

experience as a Black woman similarly informed your perspective on masturbation? JS: It’s hard for me to differentiate between being a Black woman and being a Southern woman in this particular instance — the idea of a pious, sweet woman who serves her man and goes to church on Sunday and makes food for her children… But as a Black woman in a body that has been so thoroughly exoticized and fetishized, it feels like an act of rebellion to own my body sexually — not as an object for somebody else or as something that is held up to anyone else’s standards. A huge part of my self-love journey and my masturbation journey is tied to my identity as a Black woman.‍

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How to Masturbate if You Have a Vagina: Fingers and Toy Tips Step by Step

Let’s talk about how to masturbate. It’s easy enough to get online and find articles that gleefully say things like, “Go forth and masturbate! You liberated goddess!” or, “Learn about your body by figuring out what you like!” Most likely, some of your favorite celebrities have talked about masturbation. But, what about if you’re totally on board with that line of thinking, can’t wait to get cracking, but don’t know where to begin. Sex education in the U.S. (and across the globe, TBH) is kind of a disaster. Only 17 states mandate that students be taught sex ed that is medically accurate, which means scientifically based. On top of this conundrum, schools aren’t required to teach about pleasure. Everything is based in reproductive safety. You know, the old “here’s how not to get pregnant” spiel. While that is important information, there is more to sex than that. No wonder you know nothing about masturbation. It’s not your fault. You’re not going to learn about the clitoris in school, the part of your sexual organs that is solely designed for pleasure. In fact, the scientific community didn’t even know about the full structure of the internal clitoris (yes, this is a thing) until the 1990s. How about that? Luckily, we have got you covered. Here is your no-nonsense, 101 guide to masturbation for vagina owners. From how to masturbate with your fingers to using toys, we’ve got your back. It’s not like you automatically know how to touch a clitoris if you’ve never even been taught what it is or what it does.

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Types of masturbation

There are all kinds of ways to masturbate, and no one is better than the other. Basically, it’s whatever feels good for you. For people with vaginas, clitoral stimulation often feels really good, and might be the easiest way to achieve orgasm. Vaginal penetration can also feel very good, if it’s something you’re interested in. If you do decide to try out penetration, you can locate your g-spot, another potential pleasure center to explore. While you’re down there, you can feel free to try anal masturbation, by either rubbing your anus, or inserting fingers or a toy with a flared base (if you decide to try anal stimulation, always remember to use lube!). Also, it’s important to remember that masturbation doesn’t have to strictly involve your genitals. Touching your nipples, caressing your thighs, or rubbing any other area that feels good can also bring you pleasure. You also don’t have to stick to one kind of masturbation at a time, feel free to move from area to area as long as it feels good (PSA: you shouldn’t touch your vagina or use toys on your vagina that have touched your anus without washing them first as that can lead to infections). You can try any of these types of masturbation using your hands, or you can introduce a toy if that feels exciting to you.

How to find your clitoris

Take a hot second to look up a diagram of the vagina. The first thing you need to know is where your pleasure zones are located before venturing forth to explore them. The clitoris is a rosebud like bump at the apex of the labia. It sits right inside the labia minora, at the very top. This is your vaginal pleasure center: Packed with 8,000 nerve endings, stimulating the clitoris is the best way to find orgasm for many people.

How to masturbate with you fingers How to locate your g-spot Ok, so you’ve got the clitoris down. If you’re a bit on the adventurous side, you can try locating your g-spot, too. Each vagina is different. Some people enjoy purely clitoral stimulation, some enjoy a combination of clitoral and g-spot stimulation.

Don’t get intimidated. It may sound like a lot to remember, but it’s really not. Don’t jump right into double stimulation. Locate your g-spot first. Do this by inserting one or two fingers into the vagina. Make a hook with your fingers and feel right behind your pubic bone. You should feel a small, walnut-textured patch. The g-spot is actually the root of the clitoris, the internal portion. All orgasms are actually clitoral. Isn’t anatomy fun?

Now that you’ve figured out your anatomy and what kind of touch feels good, next you need to learn how to masturbate with your hands. Start with the clitoris: Use one to two fingers and feel for it. It should feel just like a bump. Start experimenting with different pressures while you rub it in rhythmic circles. Find out if you enjoy more pressure, or less pressure. Every vagina is different. Don’t get freaked out if it feels weird at first. Your first experiences with masturbation might be a little bit uncomfortable and emotionally charged. It’s a new experience. Once it feels good, stick with it. Consistency is key. While trying lots of new things right away can be tempting, during the first few tries, you want to focus on learning what brings you to orgasm. If you’re interested in trying to stimulate your g-spot, insert your fingers into your vagina just as you did when you were finding it. Take some time to press and rub the g-spot. See if that works for you. If it does, awesome. If not, stick with clitoral stimulation. Penetration of any kind can be quite intense for beginners. You are not weird if you prefer one kind of pleasure over another. It is your body and you have total agency. No one is allowed to tell you what you should or should not like.

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Try out toys

Manual stimulation (meaning your fingers) will likely bring you to orgasm, but if you can get a small finger vibrator, you should. There are plenty of discreet, adorable, not-at-all-scary options to choose from. If you need ideas, Dame makes a tiny vibe called Fin that is basically an extension of your fingers and perfect if you’ve never used a vibrator before.You can go for one of these vibes that can give you an orgasm in record time, plus they look like beauty products. You can order these online and have them in just a few days. You can use these finger vibes to stimulate your clitoris, or use on your labia as you stimulate yourself manually. If you’re interested in penetration, you can look into a g-spot vibrator, or any toys made for inserting into the vagina. There is nothing shameful about a pleasure product. Hey, I had my first vibe when I was 14. It’s a great way to have an orgasm and avoid both pregnancy and STDs.

Experiment with different positions

Now that you have the basics down, you can try switching things up. Rather than just lying on your back, you can try sitting, standing, propping your hips up with a pillow, kneeling on all fours, or any other position in which you find pleasure. You can also try masturbating in different settings, like on your bed, in a chair, or in the shower.

What is an orgasm? What does it feel like?

You will know when you’ve had an orgasm. There isn’t much doubt about it. In my personal experience, I’ve found that it’s a slow build-up and then a wonderful, delightful release.

Use lube

While the vagina provides natural lubrication, adding some extra lube can introduce a more pleasurable experience. Try a drop or two of a water-based, unscented lube for a new sensation. (You should avoid any scented or “warming” lubes, as they can be irritating!)

Sexual desire happens in four stages: desire (libido), arousal (excitement), orgasm and resolution. Desire is when you first begin to feel, well, the desire for sex. Your heart rate will quicken, your nipples may become hard, and blood will start to flow to your genitals. Next comes arousal, in which your responses that started in phase 1 intensify. The orgasm is the climax of your sexual response, and occurs when involuntary muscle contractions begin, heart and breathing rates are at their highest, and a flush might overcome your skin, known as the post-sex glow. The resolution is the time after sex, when your body gets back to its normal, unaroused state.

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Remember, masturbation is good for you

Finally, remember that masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of. I know you may feel nervous and confused by the feelings youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re having. All of these new emotions and desires are completely normal. Take some time to play around. Enjoy yourself and explore what makes you feel good. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got this, babe. Masturbation is a stress reliever and has many other health benefits. It just takes getting to know your body with a little practice.

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Hump

Grind

Nope, it’s not weird BY NOX JOURNAL

Let’s talk about humping and grinding, shall we?! Everyone goes about masturbation differently, but we’re largely presented with images of people lying flat on their back when it comes to movies or pornography. Not only that, but sex toys are often designed with this position in mind. Well, guess what, people masturbate in all kinds of other positions (like these), and if you’re someone who loves to hump a pillow, you’re far from alone. Humping a pillow (or a stuffed animal) is an extremely common early sexual awakening experience that tons of people still enjoy as adults. So why don’t we talk about it? One of the reasons may be that we were shamed and told to stop by a parent as a young kid, another may just be that because we don’t see it displayed frequently in sexual imagery and so it feels like we’re doing something ‘weird’ or ‘wrong’. But humping is totally normal and totally awesome, so let’s talk about why and how to make it even more pleasurable.

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Why We Hump

One of the main reasons so many people with vulvas love humping is the broadness of the pleasure. By using your body weight to apply pressure between you and a pillow or vibrator (or whatever else works for you) you’re getting a similar sensation to being ‘on top’ in a partnered scenario. This means you’re rubbing the clitoris, while simultaneously stimulating the entire vulva. If you’re humping stomach-down, it could also mean that your nipples, stomach, face, and thighs are creating friction with whatever surface your on, which can really heighten enjoyment and potential orgasms. Yes, please! Pillows aren’t just for vulvas. People with penises also discover masturbation at a young age through humping pillows. Creating a ‘crevice’ between two pillows, or one folded in half, can be a fun way to mix up masturbation as an adult tool. And all the same benefits of stimulating the rest of your body at the same time, still apply. It’s all about exploration without shame.

How to Grind

Like any sexual exploration, there’s no ‘right’ way to hump or grind. But here are a few tips if you are looking to mix up your current routine or try it for the first time. Try laying face-down on a single flat pillow to start, and grind away. Roll or fold the pillow to create some elevation and make it a little more firm. Take the pillow to the edge of bed and hump the corner of your mattress (crouching or standing on the floor) for more stimulation. Try sitting up on your knees with one (or more) pillows tucked under you and grind down. See if you enjoy it more with your underwear on. Some people love the extra friction. Facedown, try removing your top and if you have a softer, silkier pillowcase, place it under your chest to rub your nipples on.

Hump and Vibe

While a simple pillow may be perfect for some, others may want to amp up this technique. There are more than a few ways toys can be used in this scenario. Adding a vibrator to the mix can really take things to the next level. While there are some great ergonomic toys for riding, it can sometimes be tricky getting them to stay in place when you really start to get into it. We donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to toot our own horn (toot! toot!) but we did discover that the We-Vibe Moxie can be hacked to be a pretty incredible humping vibe. The Moxie was created to attach to your underwear with the toy in your undies and a small magnet on the outside. If you take that same little magnet and place it inside your pillowcase, you can snap the Moxie into place on your pillow and rub against it. Genius? We think so! Dildos are also a fun way to mix up your pillow game. If humping against a hard penis is something that turns you on, try tucking your favorite dildo flat inside your pillowcase. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be able to see and feel its shape in a totally new way. However, whenever, (if ever) you hump and grind, just remember that thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nothing to be embarrassed about and then ride off happily into the sunset!

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Why Am I Always Horny?! BY O.TEAM

Can’t stop thinking about getting off?

“

Let’s talk about that! Constantly horny? While at work, you find your are fantasizing about what you and your partner are going to do later that night, or you count down the minutes until you can go home and masturbate until there’s no tomorrow. If you’re always ready to go any time, any place, you might find yourself wondering “Why am I always horny?” or “Is my horniness normal?” Desire is a spectrum. Some people get horny more easily and/or more often than others. If you find that you’re always horny, you might have a high sex drive. While there’s no sex drive norm, you can judge what’s normal for you by recognizing your baseline horniness, or how horny you usually are. If you feel noticeably more or less horny than your baseline, that might feel abnormal to you. There’s no way to define exactly what a high sex drive is since this varies widely from person to person, but if you’re always feeling horny, you might view your drive as high. It’s important to remember that even if you are always horny compared to your friends, family members or even partner, that’s a totally normal aspect of your sexuality. “Some people naturally have a higher level or lower level of desire compared to others,” sex therapist Lawrence A. Siegel tells O.school.

Making these comparisons almost always gets people in trouble. There really is no standard.” Comparing yourself to others gives you false ideas on what is “normal,” because, remember, when it comes to your sex drive, you can only judge what’s “normal” in relation to yourself.

Why am I always horny? Still, you might be curious about why you’re always horny. Here’s what you should know about having a high sex drive. ‍ Why am I always horny?‍ There are many aspects that play into getting horny or turned on. Even the experts don’t understand exactly what makes us feel horny. Oftentimes, things that contribute to a lower sex drive in one person can make another person feel especially horny. Here are some factors that are at play when it comes to sex drive: ‍

Hormones‍ It’s no surprise that hormones play an important role in people’s sex drives. That’s why you’ve probably experienced such fluctuations in your sex drive as a teenager. The hormone most closely tied with horniness is testosterone —

The Reasons You’re Turned On All the Time something people of all genders and sexes have. In general, people with higher levels of testosterone will get horny more often, Andrew Aaron, tells O.school. Scientists aren’t sure why that is, Aaron says, but the link is established. While “ not providing clarity on any specific link between testosterone levels and high sexual desire, the literature suggests that without healthy levels of testosterone, high sexual desire is less likely,” Aaron says. However, testosterone isn’t the only hormone that influences horniness. In particular, people with a menstrual cycle might notice that their horniness fluctuates throughout their cycle, and that that they’re always horny around the time they ovulate.‍

Emotional influences‍ Not all sexual desire can be attributed to hormones. Social and emotional factors can have an even stronger effect than biological factors, Aaron says. “Intense emotions, such as passion, the excitement of achieving a goal, anxiety or fear will strongly influence sexual desire dominating any other factor,” he explains. These emotions can leave us feeling great about ourselves or craving connection, he explains, both of which can lead to increased horniness.

That’s why you might feel especially horny in a new relationship, after a win at work, and when you’re feeling especially proud of yourself.‍

Social Influences‍ If your peers have a positive view of sexuality, it can contribute to you always feeling horny. “Peer pressure may encourage and inflame sexual feelings and sexual desire when it is both permissive and encouraging.” Aaron says. For example, people living in a college dorm, where many people are thinking about, talking about and having sex, might feel like they are always turned on. Similarly, people in subcultures that embrace sexuality, like the BDSM or swinging communities, might experience the increased drive, Aaron says, although there aren’t specific numbers available to prove that. “An attitude of encouragement, the agreement that the activity is a good and valuable one and permission about the group’s activity of focus can result in increased interest and over time, an increased level of desire for the group’s sexual activities,” Aaron says.

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Is it OK that I’m always horny?‍ Despite our society often shaming us for wanting sex, experts agree that having a high sex drive is entirely normal, and can even be pleasant. It’s important to remember that always being horny is nothing to be ashamed of, it’s just a normal part of who you are. “Sex is such a wonderful part of being human. It is our variations that make each one of us unique.” Sex therapist Amanda Pasciucco tells us that she uses a chart to show the spectrum of sexual desire in her practice. At the highest end of the chart are people who think about, or have sex all of their waking hours. Below are individuals who think about sex often and are open to talking about fantasies. Next are individuals who desire sex with their partner, themselves and others, followed by people who only desire sex with their partner and themselves. Sexual “ drive is different with all people,’ Pasciucco says. “It’s totally normal.” However, some people find that always being horny can interfere with their lives. If you find yourself developing obsessive thoughts around sex, or engaging in such frequent or risky sex (with yourself or others) that it is affecting other areas of your life, it may be time to seek professional help to learn to better manage your urges, Aaron says. “ sex drive becomes a problem when it High causes distress, which may come in many forms: physical, legal, marital, relationship, occupational, financial,” he says. It’s a good idea to make an appointment with a counselor or sex therapist if you find this happening.

that both partners have an expectation that they are ok with, Siegel says. Masturbation is great for managing a high sex drive. Asking your partner to watch you masturbate can be a great way to engage with your partner sexually, even when you’re horny and they are not, Seigel says. The eye contact and non-sexual touch that can occur while one of you gets off can keep you connected as a couple, without pressuring the lower-drive partner. Some couples with “mismatched” sex drives talk about opening their relationship so that the partner who is always horny can have their sexual needs met in an ethical way. This can be a great solution for some, but it’s also a decision that affects the foundation of your relationship, so proceed with caution, Siegel says. The key is finding a solution that lets both partners feel respected. ‍

It’s OK if you’re always horny‍ You might feel weird about always being horny, especially if you don’t have anyone in your life who openly talks about their high sex drive. However, remember that being really horny is entirely normal! The only time it becomes a problem is when it’s having a negative impact on your life. “If balanced well with other life factors and the methods used to achieve satisfaction are healthy, high sex drive can result in a life filled generously with pleasure,” Aaron says.

What can I do if I’m always horny and my partner isn’t?‍ One of the biggest sources of strife for people who are always horny is navigating their sex drive with their partner. “If one person’s level of desire is different than the other, there must be a compromise on both parts,” Siegel says. Talk openly with your partner to find a level of sexual engagement where your needs are being met, and your partner is not feeling pressured to have more sex than they want to. The key is

MOAN

Here’s What 20 Girls in Their 20s Love About Masturbation BY VERA PAPISOVA

I hope you’re feeling the back-to-school vibes, because it’s time for a history lesson on America’s favorite taboo: masturbation. Let’s begin. In 1712, an English surgeon named John Marten published a book called Onania, or The Heinous Sin of Self-Pollution. In it, John claims masturbation causes epilepsy, fainting spells, infertility, and stunted growth in children. Onania was an international bestseller. Some decades later, a Swiss doctor named Samuel-Auguste Tissot claimed semen was concentrated blood and that masturbating would lead to insanity and blindness. He even wrote a successful book, despite having no previous expertise on the subject. In 1829, the Reverend Sylvester Graham purposely invented a bland tasting cracker (aka the graham cracker) in part to counter people’s urges to masturbate, because he believed spicy and sweet foods caused lustful passion and sexual desires. In 1894, Dr. John Harvey Kellogg, a follower of Graham, invented another bland food, Corn Flakes. Dr. Kellogg fed the cereal to patients at The Battle Creek Sanitarium in order to curb their desires to masturbate. Masturbation in the 20th century was often considered the gateway drug to alcoholism, adultery, and general demise. Then, in 1979, biologist Alfred Kinsey publishing a shocking report stating that 92% of males masturbate. Though this finding was highly publicized, masturbation was still socially condemned. In fact, in 1995, America was still feeling the taboo when President Clinton fired his surgeon general, Jocelyn Elders, allegedly in part over her recommendation of teaching teens about masturbation in sex ed programs. Shout out to Jocelyn Elders for being a boss. So, where is our culture with masturbation now? In a 2002 study of undergraduate college students, 98% of men and 44% of women reported trying masturbation. Everyone does it, but very few talk about it. And if you don’t believe me, check out what these 20 women in their 20s have to say about what they wish they knew about masturbation back when they were in high school.

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Kylie:

Laura:

“I wish I weren’t too embarrassed to talk it over with friends. I thought I was the only one who ever did it but I wasn’t!”

“To be honest I started masturbating pretty early in maybe the 5th grade...I think my mom figured it out and she had the sex talk with me. I was really lucky because the only thing she said about it was that it was private and OK, but that she didn’t want to know about it and that I should keep it to myself. If I didn’t do it, I’d get pretty fidgety...For me it was more than a sexual identity thing; it was a stress reliever.”

Polly: “It is not dirty nor is it wrong to ever feel anything. They’re your emotions, urges, and inclinations. It is your right — and privilege — to explore them. It’s also okay to feel scared when faced with something new and unknown. The most important thing is to create a relationship with yourself and your body that is just for you and no one else. Also, to read Summer Sisters by Judy Blume.”

Sarah: “My mom is a sex therapist, and the day I got my period, I didn’t get the sex talk. I got the masturbation talk. I’ll never forget it, because it was humiliating. She told me that my pleasure is my right, and that if I have urges, I shouldn’t be ashamed of them. It’s natural and healthy for you. She told me I shouldn’t have sex until I know exactly what my body likes, otherwise I’ll be dependent on other people to figure it out, which isn’t fair for anyone since we’re all different.”

Katie: “Before/during the early years of my sexual activity, I thought that masturbation meant fingering yourself. It felt awkward and didn’t bring me any pleasure. I was confused and discouraged from trying again. It wasn’t until years later that I understood the importance of the clitoris — both in pleasuring myself and being pleasured by someone else.”

Gretchen:

“Masturbation is nature’s sleeping pill.”

Marina: “I read somewhere that masturbation actually helps get rid of period cramps. My period cramps are pretty bad, so the next time I got them, I tried it. It works.”

Kirsten: “Masturbating was one of the best stress relievers I’ve ever discovered. Not only that, but it gives you the opportunity to explore and figure out what you like. Knowing myself helped me communicate better to my partnerslater on, and made everything else less stressful!”

Maddie: “When I was in high school, I went to Spencer’s Gifts at the mall and made them gift wrap a vibrator because I was too embarrassed to admit I was buying it for myself. Guess what? It’s not embarrassing or gross to masturbate, and it’s not embarrassing or gross to have a vibrator. When you get to college, you’ll actually start talking to other women about this. There’s a whole world of liberation out there.”

Jenna: “If you’re really hung up on being judged, consider this: the people whose opinions matter masturbate, too.”

Elizabeth:

Megan:

“I wish I knew that girls were doing it as much a the guys (OK, maybe not as much but still). I also wish it was OK to talk about it.”

“I used to lie and tell people I didn’t masturbate if the topic ever came up. But I was masturbating, and I realized that everyone else who says they don’t do it are probably lying too. I don’t know why it’s so taboo. What’s wrong with feeling good and why do we care?”

Fiona: “I wish the idea of masturbation wasn’t so repressed. I always wondered why it was accepted as “normal” for guys and taboo for girls. Now I understand it as completely healthy (and fun!) and it totally goes along with the mindset of needing to love yourself before anyone else can.”

Danielle: “I thought girls never masturbated and I was the only one! That I was gross and weird for it. I wish I knew that as a woman I was allowed to have a sex drive.”

Molly: “I thought I was the only girl who did it. I went to Catholic school, so nobody talked about it ever. I thought there was something wrong with me, but it turns out it’s normal and everyone does it and it’s not weird!”

Allie: “When you’re ready to become sexually active, masturbating and learning what makes you feel good will help.”

Lindsey: “I wish I knew that other girls masturbate too! And that no matter what way you do it, it’s not weird! Most girls don’t open up to their friends about that stuff until college, unless you have the occasional freaky camp friend.”

Lauren: “We all deserve to unwind, and masturbation is a perfectly innocent and healthy way to do that. I suffer from severe anxiety, and have trouble falling asleep at night. My therapist recommended masturbation as a tool for coping.”

Jennifer: “Well, I just think it’s stupid that guys can talk about masturbation and it can be in PG-13 movies, but when women talk about masturbation, it’s like WHOA TMI. What? I don’t feel like being apologetic about my sexuality and that kind of attitude implies that my body is just there for someone else’s pleasure and not my own.”

Ruthie: “I definitely discovered masturbating when I was about 12, and knew that for whatever reason, I could touch myself in a certain spot and feel all kinds of incredible in a way I had never felt before. And I felt very confused about why, and never spoke to a friend (honestly) about masturbating until I was in college. But once I started talking about it with a few friends, it felt SO GREAT! It felt liberating.”

Erica: “The clitoris is your friend.”

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Helped Me Get Control Over

My C-PTSD

How Masturbation

BY ANGIE EBBA

To say that sex has a complicated history for me would be an understatement. Like many other women, I have a complex history of assaults, of boys and men who didn’t accept my “no” or ignored my pushing away, of partners who thought our relationship was a free pass for them to do whatever they liked regardless of what I wanted. I live daily with complex post traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) from years of emotional abuse and multiple instances of sexual abuse. The US Department of Veterans Affairs states that C-PTSD differs from regular PTSD in both what causes it, as well as how the symptoms manifest. C-PTSD comes from “chronic trauma that continues or repeats for months or years at a time” as opposed to short-term or individual traumatic events. According to the organization Beauty After Bruises, in addition to the symptoms associated with PTSD (such as flashbacks and nightmares, emotional dysregulation, and hyperarousal), those with C-PTSD often experience other symptoms. Specifically, they experience a shift in their very “self-concept — how one sees themselves, their perpetrator, their morals and values, their faith in others or a god.” For me, my C-PTSD has rocked my

very identity to the core, causing me to question who I am, who I can trust, if I am safe, and whether I’m “bad.” These feelings spilled over into my sex life, where I felt a combination of shame, guilt, and “dirtyness,” with the very act itself. Sex was something that, for the most part, I endured, and rarely enjoyed. Even if a loving and considerate partner touched a certain part of my body could trigger my deep-rooted trauma so much that I’d disassociate. I’d become nothing more than a body laying there, having sex done to me, while my spirit floated somewhere above myself, watching my body in a distant way, my mind blank and numb. There were times I’d disassociate to the point of having a psychogenic non-epileptic seizure (one of the symptoms of my C-PTSD) during or after sex. For me, sex was not the fun or beautiful thing that so many of my partners and friends experienced, but a retraumatizing experience. I didn’t want that though. I wanted the joy, the fun and playfulness, the exquisite beauty that I was told sex could be. ‍

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Taking matters into my own hands I tried to move on from the years of trauma. I read books, listened to podcasts, journaled, and went to session after session of therapy. And slowly, so slowly, I found myself healing. After a few years of doing the hard work of therapy and self-exploration, I figured that if I could do this work to heal my body and emotions from trauma, then I could do the work to heal myself sexually, too. I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands, quite literally. My hope was that if I allowed myself to find pleasure in my own body by masturbating, then I’d be able to rewrite my internal narrative that my body was bad, that my body was shameful, that my body was the source of pain and hurt. According to Britta Love, writer, somatic sex educator, and healer, “A big piece of sexual healing after trauma is relearning to access our full embodiment and choose pleasure. Masturbation is a powerful way to reclaim one’s body and sexuality, to learn to find pleasure after pain, to come out of disembodiment and dissociation and into presence and embodiment.” That is exactly what I wanted. Instead of seeing my body as negative and sex as traumatic, I wanted to see my body as a good body. I wanted to see sex as a source of pleasure and joy.‍

Repatterning sex‍ When I first bought myself a sex toy, I embarrassingly went online and randomly purchased a dildo, one of the first I clicked on. When it came in the mail, I hid it, too ashamed to look at it or take it out of its packaging. I only used it once, then immediately threw it away, wrapped in layers of other trash so nobody would see it. So nobody would see my shame. But I tried again. I wanted this for myself. And thus, taking a deep breath, I bought another sex toy. This time I did a bit of research, visiting some online groups to read what other people recommended and enjoyed. My vibrator came in the mail, and this time, I was actually excited to get it. When I used it, though, I felt the same anxiety and fear rising in me that I did when having sex with partners. As the early signs of dissociation began working their way into my consciousness, I stopped. I reminded myself that I was safe in that moment, alone with myself. I reminded myself that there was nothing

wrong; that I deserved pleasure. I breathed. I began to masturbate whenever I wanted to. Even the act of recognizing and naming my desire to myself, without judgment, was healing for me. When I masturbated, every time I encountered these rising feelings of fear and shame, I’d stop and breathe, calming my body. I began, slowly, to teach my body new ways to experience sex and sexuality. “Ultimately the most important sexual relationship you will ever have is with yourself,” Love states. “Masturbation is fundamental to sexual healing. Choosing to be alone with our bodies and finding pleasure is deep neural repatterning that teaches new possibilities after trauma and disempowerment.” Through masturbation, those of us who have experienced trauma can re-teach our brains how to experience sex wiht powerful and pleasurable way. Eventually I got to where I could masturbate without the fear and anxiety, without feeling myself on the verge of disassociation. I learned what my body liked and what it didn’t. Eventually I got to where I could give myself the gift of pleasure. This, combined with the other work I was doing (and that I’m still doing!) to move beyond my trauma allowed me the space to then have sex with partners in a new way. Love says that “when we learn to find our own pleasure, we become better equipped to find more consensual, mutual, and pleasurable connections with others as well,” and I have found this to be true. By reclaiming my body as my own, by learning how to be in charge of my own pleasure, and by making choices about my own body, I have empowered myself to feel more in charge of my sexuality. This is not to say that I no longer get triggered, that I don’t have moments in sex that feel scary, or that I don’t revert into old trauma patterns. But when that happens now, I can stop, tell my partner that I need a minute, and remind myself that I alone get to choose what I do (and don’t do) with my body. I breathe. And then I allow myself to experience the gift of pleasure.

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