Huntley Voice February 2018

What it feels like...

TO SHARE OUR STORIES

a letter from the editors

[ ] S

houlder passing shoulder. The simple sounds of boots squeaking on tile, or our backpacks hitting our legs are drowned out by conversation, by laughter, or debate. Day after day, our eyes see the same physical structure of our school, but each of our eyes have seen much more. We all are seeing the same world but through the eyes of our past, through our experiences. Each of us have lived a life that is incomparable to our peers.

The shoes we walk in, the baggage we carry can never be felt by anyone else, and understanding these differences will put us in a position to create unity and be successful. Inspired by Esquire Magazine and previously done by The Voice in 2004 and 2006, we present the “What it Feels Like� issue. As the editorial staff of The Voice, we chose to take all of these pasts, beautiful, painful, small or large, and embrace them, because what it feels like to be you, is something that no other person can take away.

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What it feels like...

I

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

TO BE OUTSPOKEN

get into debates with people all the time about various issues, because nobody has told me to stop being so socially active. I’ve never gotten into a fistfight with a Trump supporter as much as I would like to… [But] I think that as a politically, not even politically, but very socially-aware student, I have not experienced too much backlash for it.

It’s kind of exhausting sometimes to go through my day and hear all of the ignorant [things] people have to say. It’s just ridiculous.

I do place it on [people] to take some responsibility and recognize how that may have influenced their political standings.

The biggest thing for me with becoming so socially aware is to look at my own thoughts and think, Why do I think like this? Where did I learn this? And how does this impact other people?

I think the biggest downfall of our current government is the oppression, lack of recognizing that oppression, and addressing it in viable ways that will support marginalized Americans. I’d say that’s one of our biggest issues because it leads into everything else.

There have been some executive orders, but nothing really major has happened and I think that speaks even more to his audience because so many people are still supporting him after a year of basically loitering around the White House.

[Our current administration is] a mess made up of a bunch of underqualified “yes men.” It’s a bunch of people saying “Yes, yes Mr. President. Yes sir, yes, good idea.”

You have to act as a representative of the country. [Many of Trump’s actions and words] are childish and immature and it reflects his inability to perform peaceful, educated diplomacy.

There’s almost a continually-moving cycle of people in and out of positions of power and there’s definitely something going on with that. I don’t know if Trump and Bannon are just looking for more people who are aligned to their belief systems

eli tatosian, junior

or what have you, but they’re definitely putting underqualified people in positions of power and kicking them out when they disagree.

It’s just important for us to be educated in what’s going on in the world. It’s important that we talk about stuff [and] create a dialogue.

If we reform the education system, if we enable people to take a deeper look at the history of this country and how that has influenced the functioning of our government, our justice system, everything, then we can take a look at where our own thoughts come from and what role that plays. Everything starts with education.

INTERVIEWED BY MADISON BARR // PHOTO & ART BY HALEY SMALLEY @huntleyvoice

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february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

What it feels like...

I

TO BE A WEBSITE CREATOR zander leitzke, sophomore

t all started in the sixth grade. I was always an inquisitive kid, but I didn’t have an outlet for a long time. I always had a strong opinion, and I had my own ideas I wanted to share, but it’s hard for a young kid to start out and establish themselves.

I started web design as a way to express my opinion in a rapidly expanding digital world. I was interested in creating my websites: something I could call my own. I was tired of using website builders and just wanted something I could claim for myself.

I started small. I looked for some free HTML, the language you use to code websites, classes and started on Codecademy. Codecademy is awesome for beginners learning HTML, because it’s simple and user-friendly. Over that summer, I became proficient in HTML and CSS, used to style HTML, and started building actual websites.

I didn’t see it as a challenge. I started out building a simple website about me, but then it became a game. As I started developing more and more, I realized that I could use these building blocks to make something new and exciting. As I started coding more in my free time, these new ideas challenged me further.

For me, writing is a way to share my ideas, my theories and my experience with others. Personally, I like discussing more theoretical topics and ideas. The limits are endless when it comes to what you can do once you have a topic of interest.

If I’m actually interested in a topic, I’ll put in a lot of effort. I’m passionate about what I believe in, but only when it truly excites me. I don’t see the point in completing things that have to value to what I want to do in life. What’s the point? Where will it get me?

If I fear anything I write will have a negative effect on me, I say screw it anyways, because some of my posts aren’t just about me, they’re about others as well. I don’t just use my writing to vent; I want to make

change and bring certain issues to light.

For example, I wrote “Dear Huntley High School, Take Sexual Assault Seriously” after I heard and watched countless instances of sexual assault. I feel one big misconception people have is when they hear sexual assault, they automatically think rape, but sexual assault does not equal rape. Sexual assault is unwanted touching that stops short of rape or attempted rape.

This article was well-received, and it took a lot of hard work. I was nervous about writing and posting it, but it had to be said. I don’t care what others will say or think; I’m just stating my opinion.

I’d love to be able to write more on my website, but I hate to force it. All my articles are written when I was inspired by something and it makes them way better.

If I write when I’m uninspired, my articles are crappy and choppy.

I have strong views, and I’m not afraid to show that. I want to encourage others in our school to be as passionate about what they believe in. I want to help and educate those younger than me. I want them to have good role models like I craved when I was a child who can guide and influence them. I want to help kids learn in the way that best suits them, which is what inspired me to want to become a teacher.

While it may seem like I’m not a fan of certain education, that’s not true. I just believe that the system is broken. I think there are better ways to learn, such as the competency-based learned program.

I love that the school is willing to give students some autonomy in their education. I love learning, but I don’t learn well the traditional way. There are ways to master a topic without completing hours of homework. GPA shows how will you turn in assignments, competency will show how well you master topics.

I’ve had great teachers and crappy teachers, and all I care to do is to guide children, not to lecture them. I want them

INTERVIEWED AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY JENNA LINK 4 @huntleyvoice

to discover and explore all kinds of unique topics, and not find education boring and systematic. I want them to find the love for learning as I did.

It’s simple. I want to build something crazy and apply it to education. My passions can be used in tandem. With my website, for example, I use my knowledge of psychology and my experience as a high school student to guide what I write.

There are two teachers who have inspired me the most as I’ve gone on this journey. My 8th grade science teacher Mrs. Knasiak helped me realize that I can take topics I’m passionate about, and combine that with my education. In 8th grade, for genius hour, I created a website, newcountrysim.ga, which combined my knowledge in coding and my love for social studies.

Ms. Cassier has also inspired me tremendously. She’s helped me find ways to still combine my education and my passions while not ignoring school and grades completely. She sparked my love for learning and more specifically, social studies and English again.

I want to use my skills to make a difference. I don’t want to be mediocre in whatever I do, and I hope to grow my platform as the year goes on.

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

WhatTOitBEfeels like...

GAY AND STILL STRUGGLE

I

n fifth grade, I knew. I had new friends and a lot of them were guys. I knew right away that I liked guys. It was to the point where I thought I might be confused, but I was still growing up. I was really nervous to fall in love, but I didn’t know what love was back at that

time.

As I grew up, I finally decided that I was gay. I was like ‘wow, I like guys.’ I felt good about myself. But, before I came out, I, big plot twist, dated a girl for a week.

My parents knocked on my door and I freaked out. I opened the door, and right away my stepmom asked me if I liked boys. I straight up said yes quickly because I wanted to get it over with. At first, she was like ‘that’s not good, that’s...no; I don’t allow that.’ Then my dad came in and said, ‘It’s okay, I don’t care if you date guys, girls, as long as you’re happy.’ I felt comfortable.

Eventually, I did date a guy, and they got so upset with it. I felt trapped. I didn’t know what happened, because they had been fine with it. They didn’t want me to be with a guy because of my other relatives.

Later on, my stepmom accepted it, but she doesn’t want to talk about it. It’s just not her, and that’s because of the way she was raised in Mexico. They have different views and different values.

I keep to myself, and I usually don’t express my emotions when it comes to my family, because all we care about is working hard, getting things done, getting good grades, and preparing for a good future. My dad values that the most. He doesn’t want relationships.

I get scared because I feel like when it comes to my dad, I lost my bonding with him. I feel really insecure, because if I didn’t come out, maybe my dad and I would have a stronger bond. I just couldn’t take it anymore, and I felt really bad. If I did come out, everything would’ve changed. If I didn’t, I would feel bad about myself and feel more trapped than I was before.

But now, we’re slowly, just barely, making progress. We’re having more family outings.

We go out to eat every Sunday, and I love it.

At the same time, it’s still hard. I can’t talk about dating a guy in front of him, because I feel like he’ll get offended. It’s the same with

kyle romero, junior

my stepmom. I know she’s accepting, but I just can’t talk to her.

I just want to date somebody. I want to know that feeling, but my relatives and my family are getting in the way. If I was to bring a guy over and introduce him, they would disown me. I know that they love me so much that they can’t do that, but I still get scared.

If I like a guy, then I’m going to like a guy who’s gay, not straight. I don’t hit on guys; I think it’s wrong. It’s pointless and a waste of my time. To this day, it’s hard to find someone that you like who also likes guys. It’s the most difficult thing. You don’t know because they have a mask on, and they don’t show it. I would love to meet someone who is just open so I won’t be afraid anymore just to know

INTERVIEWED BY ALEX LANDMAN // PHOTOGRAPHED BY K. TROY

that experience of love. I still don’t know what love is. I’m still insecure. I’m afraid of being who I am in front of my relatives, and I would love to be open to them.

I think at this point, I’m ready to come out to all of them. I need them to understand that I want to be happy. If they want me to be happy, then I need to be myself. I’m still nervous around my grandparents. They live in Mexico. But I just want to tell them I like guys, and there’s nothing to change about it.

This is how I was born. It’s not a decision, and it wasn’t a choice, it was just how I was born. They think it’s sinful. I wish that I could just change it, but it is how it is.

I’m gay and I’m proud. I’m not going to change who I am.

@huntleyvoice

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february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

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What it feels like...

S

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

TO HAVE SYNESTHESIA allison carmody, junior

Synesthesia is the connection between two of your senses.

For example someone can hear something and immediately taste a specific taste or they can hear something and immediately see vibrant colors. There are so many different types of synesthesia, some are more common than others but the forms I have are grapheme color synesthesia and chromesthesia, meaning I associate words, numbers, days of the week, months of the year, sounds, etcetera, with color.

To me, Thursday is always the color purple and the letter c is always yellow.

But I notice it most through music. It’s so hard to put into words and I wish everyone could see the colors I see in my head when I hear a song.

I don’t think certain notes have specific colors for me, the colors just are and I can’t change them. If I hear a song and immediately see the color blue, I will associate the color blue with that song every single time I hear it. This is especially fun for me when I play piano because everything is so vibrant.

I first learned that I had it when my piano teacher told me about it a few years ago.

I had written a song on piano and I told her I saw gold when I played it and I, thinking that seeing colors with music was normal at the time, was surprised when she told me it wasn’t. It’s so exciting, I love it. It’s not a super common thing to have but lots of artists and musicians have it so I think people who do have it tend to be more creative because of it. It’s inspiring. It’s like your mind is its own source of inspiration.

I don’t notice it that much because I’m so used to it. It’s something that’s always been there so I don’t know any different. It doesn’t affect me regularly but occasionally I will associate colors with people too.

Someone’s mood can give off that reaction I think.

I feel like synesthesia and my “wallflower-ness” are linked because they’re both similar states of being. Like being reflective, being observant, and being put in your own little bubble. This sounds enigmatic, but

they both put me in my own world that no one else knows about but me. I’m the only one who knows what it’s like to be in this world. I’m the only one who knows what it looks like, what it sounds like, what it smells like.

But, that’s okay. I’m okay with that- being introverted and a wallflower or whatever.

I’m more observant than everyone around me, I’m a better listener. I notice little things about everyone, like people that I don’t know very well, like “oh that person got a haircut!” but I’ve never talked to them before.

It doesn’t really inhibit me a lot, only in the sense of feeling comfortable around a bigger group of people because I don’t feel like being the center of that conversation.

Some people are shy, and some people just don’t talk when they don’t have anything to say.

If you’re someone who doesn’t know me, I do theater, I’m on speech team, I play piano, I take singing lessons, and I do all that stuff which is mainly done by very extroverted people. I feel like that is my way to put myself out there because everything else holds me back. When I’m in a show or when I’m giving a speech, playing a song, singing a song, that’s where I can express myself.

The colors I see when I’m listening to a song are really complex. Usually it’s not just one color. Most of the time I see multiple [colors] at once and they’re all mixed up, or I’ll see one color with little sprinkles of another color, and sometimes I can’t even describe what I’m seeing, like I don’t know the words for those colors. For the most part, the colors stay pretty constant throughout the duration of a song but with

things like key changes, sometimes they change completely. Like, during my first high school lead role, in the climax of my performance I was singing a song with my character’s parents. The color of the music was a deep pinkish purple color as the mother sang, then when it came time for me to sing, the color changed into a bright yellowish green. I really felt free. When I was performing, I let go of everything that discourages and intimidates me. Maybe that’s why I love key changes so much, they make the song more exciting. They might also change slightly if the tempo or beat changes. I guess the big thing is that there’s rarely just one color. One color might be more dominant than others but there are always little flickers of different ones. It’s so hard to put into words but they’re all just kind of swirling around.

It makes life a little less dull. Everything is more exciting and vibrant.

INTERVIEWED BY FAITH LOSBANES // PHOTOGRAPHED BY ARIANNA SANCHEZ

@huntleyvoice

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february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

What it feels like...

TO BEAT HEARTBREAK

O

ne day I got blindsided with a breakup.

No warning signs, nothing. And I was totally down because all the time I spent afterward I was wondering, What did I do wrong? There are times where you have to allow yourself to feel miserable for a little bit, because if it is a serious thing then you can’t just shrug off something like that. I really struggled to stay positive because I was in a three-year relationship with her, and everything was awesome. It was the first time and only time in my life that I felt like I could be with someone forever.

She never even gave me a reason either; she just simply broke up. We shared a lot of common ethics and we were both pursuing the same career, so I thought we had it all.

I was even ready to take it to the next step.

But thankfully, my parents were awesome and helped me recover quickly. I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t sleeping well. Because I didn’t get that closure, it was killing me.

I believe several younger people feel validated by dating someone. I feel like that was how I was in high school. But you truly aren’t a strong person until you are able to do things by yourself. Before my break up, I would see people at the theater sitting by themselves and I would think, What a loser. But after the break up I went to see a movie by myself. And I realized, if I want to do something, I’m going to do it whether I’m with someone or not.

You need to be able to love yourself before you can let others into your life. And if you and the other person don’t love themselves, the relationship isn’t going to work unfortunately. Ever since the relationship, I have been able to be more independent, which gave me a lot of time to figure out what my true purpose is.

You will know the person is right for you when you don’t have to force them into certain situations, and everything just 8 @huntleyvoice

chris klein, science teacher

clicks. If you be yourself, do things on your own, and figure out what you were meant to do on this Earth…everything will come to you super easily. You just have to trust the process, knowing that one day it will all fall into place. All the hard work you are doing now for yourself will pay off later on in the future.

And that was exactly what happened afterwards. I was able to have like a laser focus on everything I wanted to do, whether that was working out, studying, or getting a job. At the time, I was going to school to become a teacher. I put all my effort and studies into becoming an educator and that was what I think landed me at an awesome school like Huntley. I put in the extra work, I had my goals set, and that was the only thing I aimed for. And anything I care

about, I go 100 percent for.

Making a positive out of a negative situation and the way you handle adversity… really says something about who someone is. I learned that through experiencing the breakup, and I feel like I am a stronger person. At the time, you’re allowed to feel like crap. But just know, that a year from now you are going to look back and say, “That wasn’t so bad.” Focus on yourself before you let others into your life. Every person has a lesson to learn.

I like to imagine my life as an ongoing book. If I never had that one chapter of my book…I’d be in a different chapter, I’d have been a different book. And I might have not ended up at Huntley. You have to be thankful for the process and where it takes you.

INTERVIEWED BY RIVER LEE // PHOTO COURTESY OF CHRIS KLEIN

What it feels like...

I

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

TO HAVE SURGERY

got hurt last year in February at my second level nine competition, on my first event which was bars. I stiff armed my fall, and that ended up tearing my UCL. It was UCL reconstruction surgery, and a lot of people might know it as Tommy John surgery. It’s common in baseball injuries, because they get that a lot from pitching.

I think [the surgery] was early. I went in and I had a book with me and some magazines that I had got from a friend of mine, and a really fuzzy blanket that I got from the same friend. My mom and my Meema were there. I remember that at first I was getting kind of anxious, stressed, and nervous, but I kept reminding myself that they are here to fix me up, and that it’s all going to be okay.

We sat for a while, and then we got a room. I changed into my little gown thing, and I hate those because I feel like if I move at all, it will just come right off of my body. I remember that the nurse was so nice. She gave me this very nice blanket, which made me feel a lot more comfortable. Then I was asked questions about my health. The doctor came in and all of the nurses wheeled me into the room where they started to hook me up to all of the machines. They put the anesthesia stuff in and I started getting really tired, and then I remember talking to a nurse and trying to keep my eyes open.

I think I remember talking to the doctors while they were hooking up my medication. Then I started to feel it take its toll on me and I was trying really hard, I don’t remember what I was saying, but I was trying really hard to listen to what they were saying and to remain calm because I felt like I was starting to sleep and they kept asking me questions, probably just to see if I was about to fall asleep or if I was awake and conscious so they would be able to start doing things. I felt obligated to try to stay awake. Then nothing.

sydney leonard, junior

Then I remember waking up in the room that I started in - I came out of it really tired - and my mom and my Meema were there. I had my nice warm blanket on. My arm, the rest of that day and half of the next day after the surgery, it was the most bizarre thing.

I have never felt something more frustrating before. I had a nerve block in my arm to help with the pain for the next 24 hours, and that made my entire arm numb.

So if I were to hold someone else’s hand, I couldn’t feel it. My fingers was also super swollen, so no matter how many times I would try to spread them, they would continue to touch each other. I couldn’t move my hand, like I would be staring at it, trying to move it, and nothing would happen.

But after a while I was able to move my fingers and the swelling went down.

In the best way possible, Norco [pain medication] was one of my best friends [in the days after the surgery]. I remember that when I would wake up, and the nerve block had worn off, it definitely helped a

lot, the medication. I slept a lot because I was so wiped and it also helped with not having to be conscious with so much pain in my arm. I had some visitors, friends, and family.

I was in a sling for a very long time, which was nice though because it took all the pressure off my arm and having to move it at all. I couldn’t move my elbow at all, but I would be able to lift it up with my shoulder. But because the cast was so heavy, that was so strenuous, so I would use the help of my right arm.

I went through Centegra [for rehabilitation]. I did some PT for a little bit, but the rest, I was conditioning at the [gymnastics] gym anyway. I just did the PT that I was doing there at the gym, plus whatever other conditioning I was able to do that my coach gave me, to keep my strength and endurance up for being able to get back to skills. [Rehabilitation is] frustrating and painful and aggravating, but worth it because it helps you get to where you want to be and where you need to be.

INTERVIEWED BY DANI RHODY // COURTESY OF SYDNEY LEONARD @huntleyvoice 9

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

TOGETHER WE CAN END

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What it feels like...

I

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

TO BE A CHRISTIAN

’ve been raised in church. My parents raised my brother and I both at a Methodist church, but then I went my own way for a little bit. I didn’t really know if I was a follower, but it was in 2013 that I rededicated my life to Christ.

It was really different at first, and now, it feels right.

Christianity is a very different thing, especially [in] our age. Here, you’re either accepted or you’re looked at as a total freak. I think that’s sad, but I think there’s misconceptions at times.

Like, people tend to think I am not for the LGBTQ community. But in reality, I love everybody, and I have friends that are in that community. I think people think we tend to live by the Bible. And technically, we are supposed to, but my view of Christianity is [simply] to love everybody, to accept everybody…

We’re growing up in an age where Christianity is in decline. I feel that we are some of the few people who actually hold fast to our beliefs.

It’s super cool to share similar faiths and ideas [with my girlfriend and family]…

It’s really interesting because [her faith] is brand new. I’ve always wanted to have a Christian girlfriend. I do want to marry her one day, so to call her my wife and for us to have that strength and faith in God is such a cool and unique experience.

Over these past years, my faith has gone from entirely nothing to it being an everyday part of my life.

This past summer, I went to the Dominican Republic [for a missions trip]. That was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I actually miss it every single day.

[My team] did various team-building exercises there. What’s cool is, when we get down there, you’re a team. You have to work together no matter what, no matter what your background is. Connecting with the locals and helping build the structure connected us.

Connecting with the locals and the children was super rewarding. None of them really spoke English, which actually made it really fun. And building the Sunday school center [with the team] was a lot of hard work, but we almost got it completely done and it was awesome.

INTERVIEWED AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY EMILY KINDL

eli moore, senior

I went into the trip not knowing what to expect. God revealed to me that He is good all the time; when we’re in our darkest days, we need to lean on Him. [The locals] taught me so much about that. Having barely anything but praising God every single day for what they have, for happy and healthy lives - it’s such a cool thing.

I really found myself during this trip. My faith was at a good place, but I wanted to grow even stronger and God allowed that to happen on this trip…

I practice [certain] things to maintain, but also strengthen my faith. I’m not a perfect Christian, and I don’t think there is such a thing as a perfect Christian. But right now I’m a part of a Bible study, I pray daily, and do some journaling. I’m a part of the student ministries [at Willow Creek Community Church] with Impact. I’m also a sixth-grade small group leader for the Elevate program, which is super rewarding.

Worship leading [at Willow Creek and my other church] is also how I get deeper in my walk with God. Worship makes me feel good. I really do feel the connection with God on the stage. We’re supposed to lead the people to connect with God and the song, but really, I feel like I’m just alone on that stage singing His praises.

I want to be a worship leader [as a career] because I want to help people connect with God in a different way. Rather than just reading the Bible, you’re hearing the Bible, you’re hearing these stories of faith through song. I love doing all this…

It used to be a challenge, but now I’m not scared to show my Christianity. I think if you believe it, you should go 110 percent and not to be afraid of what people think; show it to the world.

I love the idea of Jesus. We’re basically born again in Him. I think it’s so cool that we’re not perfect, but in God’s eyes and Jesus’ eyes, we are perfect… God is good, and He can open new doors in your life if you let Him.

@huntleyvoice 11

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

What it feels like...

S

TO FIND YOURSELF

enior Delaney Hajek shaved her head last year for St. Baldrick’s and never looked back, on her old brown locks or her old mindset. Since then, Hajek’s transformation has come full circle from a difficult freshman year to accomplishing her wildest dreams in music.

“Freshman and sophomore year, I was depressed and I was insecure. I had the hardest time understanding other people, so I had a hard time being a good friend sometimes. I pushed people away because I wanted to be alone. I cared about what other people were thinking, and I tried to fit myself into something I wasn’t. I was afraid to be whoever I wanted to be. I locked myself away, I couldn’t let other people care about me or love me because I couldn’t be that person for myself. I’ll be honest, I really didn’t even think I was going to live to this point in my life. I didn’t think that was going to be possible for me.

The summer before junior year, my psychologist had recommended to me and my mom that I should go and get mentally tested. I had struggled a lot with understanding myself and understanding the way that I think and I felt like no one understood the way my brain worked.

[At one of our meetings] my psychologist said, ‘why should Delaney have to change to fit into some group? There are places out there and groups out there that will accept and celebrate the way that she thinks and the way that she is.’ It was kind of like this weight lifted off of me. It was some time after that where I had this epiphany, ‘why am I wasting my time thinking about what other people think of me and wasting my time being angry and wasting my time being insecure or just not being myself?’

Everything changed really quickly after that. I stopped fighting with my mom, I stopped fighting with myself. I decided to be myself and to be unapologetic about it. As soon as I started feeling more

12 @huntleyvoice

delaney hajek, senior

comfortable with myself, I noticed more people coming to me for advice and people valuing what I had to say. I think part of it was that when I was insecure, I didn’t even value what I thought or what I had to say. Because I am more confident in what I have to say, people want to listen more. I demand to be heard. I speak and I expect people to listen.

I had considered [shaving my head] before, all the way back in fifth grade. I always chickened out of doing it because I couldn’t commit to it and I was afraid of what people would think about it, even all the way back then. Even before I had made my own change [I thought], ‘I’m gonna do it, I’m going to commit myself to this.’

It ended up being pretty fitting for how I was feeling at the time. People were like, ‘I could never do that, I could never shave off all my hair.’ It was one of those things where like, I didn’t care what people would think about how I looked. I was doing it because I wanted to help people and because it was something that was simple that I could do to make a difference. It was a physical change to align itself with my mental change.

[After auditioning for the All-State band in January] my friends and I we were waiting for the results to be posted on this Google-form. I was looking at it, and then I clicked on it, and all of a sudden all these names pop up. I’m scrolling and scrolling and shaking, and then I find my name and I scroll, and I see “Huntley High School” and then I scroll and I see “Honors Band.” I scrolled more

and I saw the number [meaning first chair french horn] and I lost it. I started crying immediately. It was all hitting me at once.

[My friends] are hugging me, I’m sobbing, we were all living in that moment. We were so proud of each other and all that we had accomplished.

I never set out with a goal in mind, but if I did this would be it. I had imagined what it would be like to feel good about myself and it’s crazy because I don’t even really remember not knowing who I was. There’s still more for me to do, and this is not the end of my growth necessarily, but it’s more than what I could have ever expected. I am unapologetic in being myself and saying what I believe and doing what I want to do.

I feel like if that isn’t finding yourself then I don’t know what would be.”

INTERVIEWED BY KATRINA TROY// PHOTOGRAPHED BY KATRINA TROY

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

What it feels like...

TO FIND YOUR PASSION

I

will never be able to shake the feeling of standing on the stage that night. It was one of our last performances of “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” and this was the first time I worked with our director, Christine DeFrancesco.

I was one of the fairies and we used to do this thing where we hit our hands to a beat at the end of the stage. I was sitting at the corner of the stage doing this with Marissa Bowman and Sophie Caldrone.

When I looked around me, I was in awe.

All my friends and cast members were around me as they danced around on stage and the tree behind us was covered with these fairy lights that emanated this really magical glow. All the purple and blue lights flickered around the stage and I was living in a fairytale. I felt as if, in that moment, I could really fly. There is this picture of me on the stage and I have the stupidest smile on my face. The moment was just so personal to me and was so perfect that, if I could go back, I wouldn’t change a single thing.

I don’t think there was a particular one, but there are a bunch of different moments that I’ve experienced in theater that have built up to create this huge passion. For example, in the Friday night showing for

dani bahn, senior

“Macbeth,” the PAC was a full house, and when I looked out at the end of the curtain call, I saw all these people and everybody was standing up and cheering. I realized then that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life.

When something with the character or anything else in a script clicks with me, it builds this passion. Understanding what the human condition is and what’s going on in the character’s head, I can’t help but think, Wow this is really incredible to have some kind of insight. It’s those moments that continually build you up, and you just get this perception of what the world’s actually like…those things that math and science don’t really show you. This is theater; it’s a personal thing, and all those moments expose you to more and more of those personal things.

There are two memories from theater that I feel were overflowing with passion.

One of them was in “Fuddy Meers” when I was playing Claire. I was holding Kenny (played by Frank Mete) and looking at Philip (played by Ben Johnson) across the stage as we all cried. As I held eye contact with Ben, I felt our characters really connect in that moment. Even after that scene when Richard (played by Jacob Lopez)

INTERVIEWED AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY KAITLYN KALISCHEFSKI

found Claire and they embraced. I felt so connected. I remember sobbing because I was so invested in it.

My other memory was in Twelfth Night when my character was being swept away from her brother (played by Noah Simmons). We do this thing in practice when you substitute the other person for something close to you. Noah was probably doing the same thing for me because he has a sister. Just doing that when we’re acting makes the bond between our characters so real.

I feel like so many people see the acting dream as just going to New York and auditioning for everything. Personally, I can’t afford to go to New York, and many people can’t in all reality. The dream of acting isn’t being on Broadway; it’s being able to get paid for doing something I love. At high school level it is seen as just a hobby, and for some it is, but for others it’s such a big part of our lives. The whole thing with this dream for me is being able to solely get paid for acting and not have to work two part time jobs to make ends meet. I would love to be able to get paid for doing the one thing I love the most in the whole entire world. That’s my dream. That’s my passion.

@huntleyvoice 13

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

What it feels like...

TO PLAY PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL

I

gerald macon, computer science teacher

n high school I played basketball, football, baseball, and track. I went to Indiana University of Pennsylvania, which was a Division II school.

I kept transferring schools; I went to four schools, but this was the last one I went to and the one I spent the most time at. Colleges scouted me, saw me play, recruited me, and offered me scholarships.

After college, I played in the EuroLeague. In professional basketball, there is the NBA and the EuroLeague, which are the two best leagues in the world. Most kids just think of the NBA, but there are guys in Europe who make millions of dollars playing basketball. It isn’t just Europe either; there are guys from Japan, China, and guys from America too. That’s what I did.

I played in Germany, Romania, Australia, and in London for a little bit too.

I played in Germany my first year, and I was the Player of the Year for my League.

Other country’s scouts would hear about that and recruit me just like teams do here.

At this point, they were paying me, so they would offer me a contract with more money than my previous team. At the end of each year, I would leave that team and move onto the next country.

Then, I played in the NBA Development League, which is how I made it to the NBA. But, I never actually played in the NBA. I just sat on the bench for two different teams: the Utah Jazz and the Los Angeles Clippers. I didn’t ever play for them, I just warmed up. I worked Lebron James’ camp in college and played with him a lot so we knew each other. There’s a bunch of other guys I played with all around the NBA. I don’t know if kids would still know them, but I played with guys like Mario Chalmers who is also from Alaska. I grew up with him. I’ve met tons of NBA guys; there’s probably 20 who are still in the NBA. Lebron would be the most famous player who I know though.

So, then I went back overseas because

14 @huntleyvoice

for me, it was about whoever was paying me the most money. I got to see a lot of places, which was cool. I think Germany was my favorite place to play, because from a basketball perspective, that’s where I had the most experience.

The kids had a nickname for me; they used to call me “Das Ungeheuer” which meant “the friendly monster” because I was so big. The kids would come up to me all the time and ask me for my autograph. I used to go to this school in our city where I would run camps every week. It would be packed with kids, so that was my favorite part because I could see the impact I was

I would never change any of that. But, if I did do it all over again, I would have worked harder when I was in high school.

I think that it came so naturally to me that I took it for granted. I think that if I would have put in more work in high school, it would have paid off. When I finally got to where I wanted to be, I felt that if I worked harder I would have been able to do those things. Learning that hard work earlier would be what I would change.

When I [stopped playing] basketball I got a real job. I had to pay the bills and take care of my two kids. I teach Computer Science here, but I didn’t become a teacher

“Basketball has given me a lot, it has taught me a lot, and it is something that is always going to be a part of me.”

-Gerald Macon

having on the kids.

But, Australia was the nicest country.

When I first started playing out of college, I just wanted to get paid to play. It didn’t matter by who or how much. Then when I started to play overseas and realized that I was pretty good at this, my expectations changed. I thought that I could be like Lebron James, but then I ended up not being Lebron James. I guess that I kind of didn’t meet my expectations. But being paid to do what you love, whether it is playing basketball or teaching, is always awesome, so for me it was great to be able to play a game that I grew up loving and get paid for it.

I would have loved to make millions playing in the NBA, but I didn’t. In a way, I met some of my expectations, and I didn’t meet some of them. But, I would definitely do it all over again.

Basketball has taught me so much, and

for the first nine years [after basketball], I was just a coach. Then, I decided I wanted to be a teacher as well, so I went back to school to get my master’s degree. This is my fifth year being a teacher now.

I also coached when I lived in Colorado; I’m going to get back into it when the timing is right. I love coaching; coaching is a huge thing for me. I wouldn’t say I regret [quitting basketball]. I love coaching girls basketball. That’s what I do, that’s my passion. As long as I’m still connected to the game, I’m okay. I will say in years like this where I’m not coaching, I miss it.

I wouldn’t say I miss playing overseas in Europe as much as I miss being around the game.

Basketball has given me a lot, has taught me a lot, and is something that is always going to be a part of me. I think the good thing for me is that I went straight from playing to coaching, so it kept that love in me.

INTERVIEWED BY MAGGIE MCGEE // PHOTOGRAPHED BY HALEY SMALLEY

15

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

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16 @huntleyvoice

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What it feels like...

O

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

TO BE ADOPTED anonymous, freshman

f course, I the gift. them so much, and all of them wonder about I don’t think my brother would know I’m adopted, but no one it. I keep think the same though, he makes treats me any differently. I spend so telling myself, me feel bad for it, when I know I much time with them, I don’t know “There’s no shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t let it how I’d feel if they did that to me. way, there’s no get to me, but it does. I feel like if I feel like it isn’t a defining trait of way I could he knew how out of place I felt in mine. Just because I was adopted ever meet them.” It was a closed his presence, he’d respect me more. doesn’t mean I am “The Girl Who adoption, so I know I won’t ever be He wasn’t adopted, he came straight Was Adopted.” I’m the Harry Potter able to meet my birth parents. out of my mother. I have one other nerd, and the saxophone player, I’m going to China this year sibling who is adopted. Since he’s and the short one. I’m sure other though, over spring break with younger he has a rough time with kids who are adopted feel the same the HHS Travel Club. My parents Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, you way. If I hadn’t told you I was adencouraged me to go, considerknow those big holidays. He doesn’t opted, you would not have known. ing I was born there. I’ve always talk about it much to me about it Just like any other experience wondered about the culture and though, I could totally imagine someone might have. language. I’m taking Chinese in what he’s going through though.

My family and cousins love me. school right now, and attempt to He’s at that age where he starts None of them treat me any differuse it when I can. I feel like since I questioning who is birth parents ently either, and I don’t feel out of was born there and I am Chinese, were. I went through the same place with them. Most of my cousit wouldn’t ins are be right over if I hadn’t 20, but “I’ve been handed many opportunities that I tried to I have don’t think I would’ve gotten in China.

I will allearn the a few language. who ways be thankful.”

I’ve nevare my -Anonymous er been age, to China and since I was we get adopted. My parents had to go to thing, but again, it was a closed along really well. I would be exthere to get me, and it took months adoption. That means that I won’t tremely upset if I didn’t have any to get all the papers together. be able to see my birth parents, other cousins, they mean a lot to There’s so much work to be done, easily, at least. me. especially since I was still halfway I spend most of my time at school, I feel lucky to have been brought across the world. They always tell actually. Between marching band here to America. I’ve been handed me stories about how long it took and pep band, I’ve been staying many opportunities that I don’t and how they went to China and here until 9 p.m for the past week. think I would’ve gotten in China. I came back with a gift. It’s me, I’m I love my friends and I appreciate will always be thankful.

INTERVIEWED BY MIRIAM SELIMI @huntleyvoice 17

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

What it feels like...

I

TO BE A CINEPHILE

turn on the television. A small, burning light flickers on for a moment, before continuously expanding into a screen of color.

The TV monitor is now completely on, featuring a news story about the day’s happenings recited by an anchorwoman wearing bright red lipstick, her flashy smile blinding the camera’s eye.

I flip through the channels, scrolling through already-aired episodes of “Modern Family” and “That ‘70s Show.” Piles upon piles of reruns are thrust into my face, obnoxious and glaring and completely overwhelming. Finally, the guide settles on a BBC screening of “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas.” The movie is just starting, the Miramax logo still fading out, so I

turn off the lights and settle in, prepared to be immersed in the world and characters of the time.

It’s a simple start to the next two hours, but this film watching ritual hits surprisingly close to home. If I’m watching a movie with my family or close friends, we all microwave a cup of Nescafé and drink the steaming coffee throughout the length of the film. It’s an odd, quirky tradition, sure, but it means something special to us.

Although the main purpose is to entertain, a movie can be so much more than that, reeling you into a different town, country, planet even. It’s exciting to live in someone else’s situation, somebody else’s shoes, even if it’s only for a little while.

At the high school, we used to have a

shrey desai, senior

club for watching movies, typically meeting on every Wednesday and Thursday of the week. Each month had its own theme; for example, if we picked the topic of “superheroes,” we would watch “The Dark Knight” and the likes. Unfortunately, plans for the club fell through, as both the cofounder, Jacob Longfield, and I moved on.

A film should be more than just an escape from reality; sometimes the plot can even draw you closer to it. I can see why escapism appeals to some people: it helps them to cope and forget about any troubles they have in the real world. However, while the movie experience can provide this, it’s better to view things as an extension of yourself. Connecting yourself to what you see, that’s the most important part of a movie.

INTERVIEWED BY BRADEN TURK // PHOTOGRAPHED BY LESLIE BOUNCHALEUNSOUK

18 @huntleyvoice

What it feels like...

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

TO HAVE DIVORCED PARENTS zoe ratner, sophomore

M

y parents sat me down when I was 12 to tell me the news. I was expecting them to tell me I was getting a puppy, but instead they told me that they were getting a divorce. They told me that they loved me and that everything was going to be okay.

They said that they weren’t working out anymore and that they thought it would be the best decision for all of us. When they first told me, I didn’t really understand. I was in complete shock. A few days later, once it sunk in, I sat in bed and just cried. I was really upset but I knew that they were trying to keep my best interest at heart. I had to realize that they weren’t happy anymore. I felt like I needed to think more about them than I had been.

I was mad at them for a few days, maybe a few weeks. But I soon realized that they just wanted to be happy and that it wasn’t going to happen if nothing changed. I had to accept that they weren’t going to work out.

After that, everything got better.

During the split, everything was very calm. My dad helped my mom move and it was a very mutual split.

There was no tension and they were very friendly with each other.

Whenever I was upset by the divorce, I talked to my grandparents.

I felt like they were very unbiased

and they both told me that it wasn’t my fault. I never believed them until now. I now realize that it wasn’t on me. They didn’t pick sides between my mom and my dad. It was nice to have them to talk to.

If I had to give someone advice whose parents are getting a divorce, I would say that when your parents tell you that they’re getting divorced, you become very angry and you feel like they’re not thinking about your feelings. But you have to realize that they feel it is the best decision and you have to trust that. Don’t let yourself get too angry about it. You will feel many emotions, but try to put yourself in their perspective and it will make everything easier. If I could redo anything, I would definitely want to be there for my parents more than I was. I wouldn’t want to hide out as much as I did. You should remember that there are people there to help you through it and that you will come out stronger than you were before.

As for how I’m doing now, I have become very forgetful. When I’m switching

between houses I forget a lot of stuff. It’s hard because when I’m at one parent’s house, then I miss the other one. It’s also hard to keep up with each parent’s expectations. My mom has certain expectations and my dad has certain expectations.

It’s hard to keep everything sorted out. Overall,I think my life now is better than if my parents had stayed together. My dad met a wonderful woman and is remarried and happy.

My mom is very happy too. I feel like both my parents have benefitted so much and I’m glad that they made this decision. I know it was what’s best for my whole entire family.

INTERVIEWED BY KELSEY RYAN // PHOTOGRAPHED BY HALEY SMALLEY

@huntleyvoice 19

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

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What it feels like...

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

TO PROPOSE TO SOMEONE clay henricksen, social studies teacher

E

rin Seitz and I met here at Huntley High School, but it was funny because I had run into Ms. Seitz before she was hired here. I coach girls basketball, and she student taught at Dundee Crown. It was 2013, the first winter I had been teaching at HHS, and we had a game there.

I saw this girl in the stands, on the right side of the bleachers, about five or six rows up. I just remember seeing her blond hair and staring at her when I probably should’ve been paying attention to the ball.

Sure enough I later found out it was Erin Seitz.

A couple months later she walks into my classroom. She was giving a guest talk at HHS and she was paired to be in my classroom. I was excited, but she left and I thought, “I’ll never see her again.”

Sure enough, the following school year, after I had seen this random girl in the stands, she’s working at HHS with me.

We met here, we met at school events, and we had mutual friends and colleagues at work.

So I randomly saw a girl in the basketball stands, and now we’re getting married.

One of the things that I admire about her the most is she is probably the most genuinely caring person I know. You can have just met her and five minutes later she’ll be asking you questions because she genuinely wants to get to know you as an individual. That’s something that people can take for granted. That’s something I really admire about her, but also really love about her as well.

I think I always knew that I wanted to marry her. I joked with a student that it’s really a matter of when and not if. I always knew deep down that I wanted to, but it wasn’t until about three weeks before the proposal that I committed to doing so. It is cheesy, but when you meet somebody and you know, you just know. With her I

always knew that she was the one.

I didn’t have a full plan for the proposal. I told her that since I coach basketball, the season can get kind of hectic in terms of time, and I suggested to her that we should go away to Galena for the weekend.

I already had the ring, so I as we were driving out there I made up my mind to do it on the drive out there. I went to school in Galena, so I knew the drive pretty well.

Out in Galena there’s a viewpoint where it gets really hilly and you can see the colors changing on the trees. I thought “All right, this is where I’m gonna do it.”

We go out there, and I have the ring in my pocket, and I was trying to hide it so she doesn’t know. We get to this viewpoint and it’s on the side of a road. One side is this beautiful viewpoint, the other side is basically a highway.

She starts to walk away and I just grabbed her hand and I proposed.

After the proposal, I joke that I blacked

out. I don’t really remember what I said to her when I proposed. She just kind of stared at me. I was down on one knee and I asked her, ‘Will you marry me?’ and she just stared at me for a little bit. Eventually she said yes and it was enjoyable because it was something that I knew was coming for three or four weeks, and I had to keep this secret from her, which was hard because I tell her everything. It was great for me.

I had a lot of fun and I was really excited.

She was too, and she couldn’t believe that it was happening.

The school, in so many ways, played an important role in our relationship. Our profession brought us together, and part of that was as a result of the colleagues and friends we have at Huntley, the events we’ve been to, activities we participate in.

The high school plays an important role in our relationship and it’s something we both value and cherish.

INTERVIEWED BY SKYLAR SHARKEY // PHOTOGRAPHED BY HALEY SMALLEY @huntleyvoice 21

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

What it feels like...

I

TO LOSE A FATHER

was ten years old when it happened.

It was the second to last day of fifth grade. He had set me up for summer camp at the park district, and every Wednesday in summer we had a plan to go to Stingray Bay. It was our father-daughter bonding activity at the pool.

The second to last day of school was one the days per week that he would come and pick me up from school. I was used to waiting out in the car rider line.

But that day, he didn’t come.

I wasn’t paying attention because I was focused on how hot it was outside. I didn’t want to be out there. That day was deemed the second hottest day that year.

I ended up alone because I was the last one waiting to be picked up. I eventually went back inside. Before I could say anything, the secretary behind the desk already had my mom on the phone saying someone needed to pick me up. It had been an hour and a half.

She was in Chicago for the day, and she couldn’t get me, so my neighbor sent his wife to come pick me up while he found a way to break into my house. My dad’s car was in the driveway, but no one was answering the door.

When she picked me up, all I could think was thank God I’m no longer in this heat, and I can’t wait to go home, be in my air conditioned house, and spend time with my dad. I just assumed he had fallen asleep, and that’s why he forgot to come get me.

We drove towards my house, but we passed my neighborhood. That’s when I started to get suspicious.

We ended up sitting on a bench in the Algonquin Commons. My neighbor bought me a lip gloss to keep me concentrated on other things. It didn’t work.

After an hour, we finally went home. I got out of the car and I was greeted by my mom. She brought me into the backyard and told me that my dad had passed away.

All I wanted to do was go inside and see

22 @huntleyvoice

emily d’antonio, senior

him, but he was already gone. The paramedics had taken him.

He passed away from a heart attack called the widowmaker. Your brain thinks that you are dying from one artery being clogged so your brain starts to shut down every organ in your body at once.

On that day, all of my mom’s and my brother’s friends came over to be with us, and I just remember sitting on my couch alone.

I remember crying, sleeping, throwing up, and not eating. Every time I cried, my godmother would force me to drink water.

She was scared I would become dehydrated because I was crying so much.

I was daddy’s little girl.

From there, I went into middle school which was a huge transition on its own.

Going through that without him made it ten times harder. Soon, I found out that all my friends were only my friends because their moms made them be friends with me. I was the girl with the dead dad. It was out of pity.

Middle school was hard, I got harrassed and bullied in my school. I walked down the hallways and would hear ‘Oh, that’s the girl with the dead dad.’ I couldn’t go to the stupid middle school dances because if I did, people would stare at me.

Then I got to high school. Eighth grade promotion was one of my first big milestones that he wasn’t there for.

The labeling eventually stopped [in high school] because no one really knew me.

This was good, but bad. I wasn’t good at meeting new people because eventually they would find out or they’d ask me about my dad, and I didn’t want to be the one to say, ‘stop asking me about my dad, I don’t have a dad.’ I didn’t know how to react.

Until sophomore year, I wouldn’t tell people that my dad had passed. I would make my old friends tell my new friends because I couldn’t do it. It felt like I was saying ‘Hey, nice to meet you; my name is Emily, and I don’t have a dad.’

In my house, we don’t really talk about

it, because it makes my family upset, and it makes me upset to see them hurting.

I never understood their point-of-view until recently. This was really hard, because my dad was the love of my mom’s life.

Seeing how upset she was broke my heart into a million pieces.

I had to grow up too fast. I had to be there for my mom. I had to be understanding. I wasn’t the only one grieving. I did a lot at a young age. I had my childhood stripped from me.

He wasn’t the only person that I lost.

I got used to the fact that people aren’t around forever: a rude awakening.

It makes it harder when people try to correct themselves. Teachers say ‘don’t forget to get this signed by your mom and dad- I mean mom,-- parent.’ It hurts when people try to fix it.

I’m a senior. I’m going to graduate, go to college, and do all that without a father figure. But it doesn’t change the fact that I still respect him and love him. So for people to assume I never want to talk about him breaks my heart, because he still was my dad, and he still helped shape me. I still want to give him that respect and talk about him and his accomplishments.

Everyone grieves differently. Some people don’t like to talk about it, but I like to because it gives me an opportunity to step back and think about him. I don’t have a lot of opportunities to do that. I live a busy life; I don’t get to sit around and think about it and let it consume my day. I know people want the answers.

Through this, I’ve learned how to talk to people. Even if you lost your dad on the same day, our stories are not the same, and for me to say ‘I understand’ is unfair.

I can feel compassion, and I’ve learned how fragile lives are. I’ve learned patience.

Through all of this, every life is so different and so fragile and precious. That’s something that needs to be taken into mind every day. Treat others with kindness, because they might not be there tomorrow.

INTERVIEWED BY EMMA KUBELKA // PHOTOGRAPHED BY A. SANCHEZ

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february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

What it feels like...

I

TO BE A CREATOR Michael Rashad “King” Davis, junior

’ve always been an artist, just always been creating stuff. I feel like I was given the gift to create. When the music started, it really became my life and really became the biggest thing for me because I feel like it has made me feel like I have a voice.

When I’m just talking, a lot of the time, people don’t listen. But when I’m by myself in a room and creating, anyone who chooses to consume that is gonna hear what I have to say.

I’ve been making music for about three years, since freshman year. I feel more natural expressing myself this way than I ever have.

When you draw a picture, someone may look at it and keep walking. Put a painting on a wall and someone will stare at it for a second, keep walking, but if I make a song, that can change someone’s life.

What really got me into it was thinking about it with less of a perspective of making music, and more from a perspective of making art because at the end of the day, all I’m here on Earth to do is make art.

I try to be outspoken. I don’t like biting my tongue for any reason. I truly honestly value what I feel more than how people will receive what I have to say.

I started Kastaway, my clothing brand, based on this idea that outspoken people aren’t really accepted. With Kastaway, I wanted to make a brand and a lifestyle and a movement for the people who are frowned upon, like we’re going to say sh*t and we don’t care. I want to empower that.

I’m not really a big fan of how society treats outspoken people, so my vision is kinda empowering those people, empowering them to speak and feel.

On the record, “King of the World,” out on March 3, there’s a single called “Flamingo,” and another song on the record is called “Amazon,” and another is called “Neptune.”

With the name “Flamingo,” I was watching the news one day, when the whole hurricane thing was happening, and I saw a picture of how they had to relocate the flamingos at the zoo. There was one picture of flamingos in a bathroom, and I was like, “This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen, this is amazing,” and that’s how the name “Flamingo” stuck with me.

I really liked that one, and pink is my favorite color out of my Kastaway shirts.

This weird image of the flamingos in the bathroom, it just really stuck with me.

[With] that,“Amazon,” and “Neptune,” I felt like I wanted to keep this theme of nature. I feel like all of them, in a way,

In terms of who I am as a person, my brother is a big influence; my father; my mother; and my grandma, I feel like she’s just a great influence because you talk about me being outspoken but my grandma is outspoken times ten, and I’ve always really admired that about her. I’ve always wanted to kind of be like that.

The main struggle for me is that it’s difficult when I put a lot of time in to something, and I feel like it’s not coming the way I want it to. It’s not easy to sit in front of the computer for hours and hours, trying to mix the same vocal over and over again, getting tired of listening to your own song because the mix just isn’t

“Put a painting on a wall and someone will stare at it for a second, keep walking, but if I make a song, that can change someone’s life.”

-Michael Davis are evocative of how I feel about things, symbolically.

The flamingo is me being weird and outspoken, the amazon is me being wild and brash and impulsive, and then the neptune is me being calm and calculated and thinking. They’re all part of this spectrum.

As a musician, I’m influenced by a lot of rappers like Kendrick Lamar and Kanye West particularly. I have a few people who make music who are just around me.

I have a friend who lives in DC named Yusha Assad. He’s been a big mentor to me, and I have a friend that lives out here named Brian Shull, and he’s been a big mentor to me too.

right. You think it’s done and then you hear something off, and it’s like, “Aw, now you gotta go back and do the whole thing again.” I’m a perfectionist and I don’t want to create anything that’s not the best thing that I can create.

To people who are scared to let their voice be heard, first of all, stop giving a f*ck what people think about you. My thought is, just break down all that sh*t and be you. Be you to your core. No one can do you better than you can.

If you’re passionate about something, don’t let anything stand in your way.

“Flamingo” was released on Friday, Feb. 16, and my EP, “King of the World,” will be released on March 2.

INTERVIEWED BY SOPHIE GIRE // PHOTOGRAPHED BY LESLIE BOUNCHALEUNSOUK 24 @huntleyvoice

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february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

What it feels like...

TO BE SCHIZOPHRENIC

D

angie bloom, senior

elusions: there is no way of escaping them.

A voice convinces me people are plotting against me and that my boyfriend, John, will leave me. I constantly think, Who would love a schizophrenic? I have a hard time differentiating between what is real and what is not. This is just another aspect of my daily life.

Being a schizophrenic feels like you’re high all the time; the overproduction of dopamine is similar to tripping on acid.

Due to that, I am highly paranoid. I call the episodes ‘paranoia attacks’ instead of anxiety attacks. Everyone with schizophrenia has a brain that interprets things differently. I hallucinate auditorily and visually.

The voices I hear are like angry whispers.

I had my first episode when I was 15 and was living in my townhouse in Wing Pointe. I was sitting in my room and a voice started screaming at me, telling me

The attacks begin small and then slowly progress. I feel vulnerable as I lose complete control over my brain, and they happen at any time. I was in my boyfriend’s room one time. The voices began as grumbled sounds, and eventually the black figures with green, glowing eyes appeared.

It lasted for about a half hour; that was my last major episode.

My mind was a mess two years ago, but not as bad as it is now. Now that I am almost 18, my brain chemistry is changing.

At the early stages of my schizophrenia, I developed ‘positive symptoms.’

These symptoms, the delusions and such, are what accompany my depression, which is an outcome of my episodes.

Although the episodes are still frequent, I don’t remember anything from my sophomore year, when I was diagnosed. In November of 2015, I became an inpatient at Alexian Brothers Behavioral Hospital.

There, I was completely and utterly out of reality.

“Being a schizophrenic feels like you’re high all the time; the overproduction of dopamine is similar to tripping on acid.

Due to that, I am highly paranoid.”

-Angie Bloom to hurt myself or else they’d hurt my mom who was downstairs.

It lasted all night. I was lying in my room and the ceiling opened up; a dry blood-covered hand reached out to grab me. The episode ended with me screaming and my mom coming to my room.

After that, I convinced my mom we had to move, and we did.

That fall, when I was disconnected from reality entirely, I lost friends because they had persuaded themselves that I was faking it. I developed trust issues because of those incidents, which led to my anxiety, which led to my disconnection and continuous voices.

I never really had episodes because my delusions engulfed me. I was a loner. The

black figures and the voices I still experience, at the time of my delusional state, were the only things around me. Someone would try to talk me and I wouldn’t answer; I had no friends. Like high school, the hospital had cliques. Looking back, it was funny because of how similar everyone was to regular school. It was probably best I wasn’t around them.

I was a ‘1:1’ patient, which meant I was incapable of functioning by myself, so a nurse was with me all the time. My nurse would watch me sleep, which fed my paranoia. I had sleepless nights because the voices wouldn’t stop; it is also nearly impossible to sleep when you know someone is watching your every breath and movement.

Luckily, all this only lasted a week. In that week, however, my family couldn’t visit me for long periods of time. Actually, when I first got there and my mom left, I thought I was only staying at the hospital for one night. Once I realized I was going to be there for two weeks, my anxiety kicked in.

March of 2016 was my last time there; at this point, my entire sophomore year was wasted. In and out of programs, therapy sessions, and different groups, I was lost and exhausted. On top of that, I was put on three different medications.

The medications are supposed to eliminate the effects of paranoia attacks, but they don’t always work. There are days when the voices get so bad I can’t function, so I stay home. It’s frustrating when I hear people say those with mental illness are faking their symptoms or are exaggerating.

Sure, the pills help, but they only can do so much. It’s a struggle every day.

I want people to know I’m completely real, and everything that happens is authentic. I’m a human too with feelings and emotions. Granted, my emotions are hypersensitive, but I’m not a psychotic robot.

INTERVIEWED BY SARAH BIERNAT // PHOTOGRAPHED BY K. KALISCHEFSKI 26 @huntleyvoice

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

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february 2018 I volume 21 I issuew 5

What it feels like...

I

TO HAVE A SEIZURE

had attended over 10 years of school, 177 days each year, and never had a problem. I would show up like any other student at Huntley High School and go to my classes, joke around with friends at lunch, and groan when I got homework until I could finally go home at 2:26 p.m.

When the PSATs rolled around, which throws a wrench in everyone’s regular schedules, I didn’t think much of it.

I sat down at my desk with my Dixon Ticonderoga number two pencil, because mechanical pencils weren’t allowed, and my proctor began to layout the schedule and other general guidelines: no talking, no electronic devices, and be careful or else the test may be voided.

Up to this point there were no notable differences in the way I was feeling, besides being especially bored, because who wants to take a standardized test at 7:30 a.m., right? I’m a physically active, healthy person, so I had no reason to worry.

I began to take my test, and I got most of the way through it before I blacked out.

I don’t really know what happened after that. The next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital and feeling like I had no muscles in my body. I felt weak, and I had never felt like that before.

The doctors told me that I had a seizure, and I didn’t think anything of it. My parents, of course, were shocked, concerned, and nervous: all the typical parent stuff.

I just wanted to know if I was going to have more seizures, and if I was going to be able to continue playing hockey.

I was only in the hospital for one night, and I hated being there. The room was tiny and the TV was even smaller. I had to strain my eyes to see anything even in little detail.

That whole experience was cramped and uncomfortable. It was probably the worst part of this entire experience.

I just wanted to go home to the place where I’m most comfortable and sleep in

zach bator, sophomore

my own bed.

Besides the cramped hospital room, the only other negative thing that came from this was the fact I couldn’t drive for six months.

But, in the grand scheme of things, if those are the worst things to come from this, I’m okay with it.

It had the potential to be so much worse. That’s why I was so relieved when I found out I would still be able to play hockey, and I wasn’t going to need any sort of therapy.

Hockey is my favorite sport. I think it’s exciting, fast paced, and takes a lot of skill.

It may not be the most-watched sport in the United States, but it has taught me a lot of things that I might not have learned without it.

It has also helped me meet some of my closest friends that I couldn’t live without.

I don’t know what I would have done if I couldn’t keep playing. It is such a big part of my life, and I would have a really hard time letting it go.

Looking back on

INTERVIEWED BY AUSTIN STADIE // PHOTOGRAPHED BY K. KALISCHEFSKI

all of it now, this experience was good for me, and it helped me grow a lot.

Of course, I can’t believe it happened, but it’s something that revealed a problem with my body and allowed me to fix it.

This will hopefully help me live a better life, and I’m grateful for that.

@huntleyvoice 29

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

What it feels like...

E

TO BE ETHIOPIAN meklit endalcachew, junior

thiopia is an East African country also known as the horn of Africa due to its shape. Being Ethiopian makes me who I am. It is something that is permanent and it gives me a sense of pride. My favorite part about being Ethiopian is the food and the culture. My favorite dish is SHIRO. Best food there is. There is no competition. I eat it almost every day with salad, and I never get sick of it. It’s too good. Words can’t do it justice. Ethiopia is the birthplace of everything. The first human was found in Ethiopia. Coffee was found in Ethiopia.

It’s like the motherland. Wait no, it is the motherland.

My mom has six siblings and my dad has nine. When moving to America they typically follow one another. Usually one sibling goes and then the next. Both my paternal and maternal grandfathers have passed away leaving both of my grandmothers widowed in Ethiopia. This past summer I visited Ethiopia and got to spend time with them. I loved being able

30 @huntleyvoice

to first handedly see what my parents called home. It was bittersweet seeing them excited when they would tell me their memories about growing up in Ethiopia.

We usually go once every seven years.

It’s sad because a lot of our family lives there and we can’t see them as we please.

But, whenever we go, we go for the entire summer.

I visited the entire country north, south, east, everywhere. You name it I’ve been there. I went to St. George Church in Lalibela it’s shaped like a cross and is carved from a single limestone. Legend has it that King Lalibela carved it in one night with the help of angels alone.

Ethiopia’s religion is set in stone. We are all Orthodox Christian. We follow the Greek calendar, so because of that Ethiopia is seven years behind America meaning it’s currently 2011. My parents both grew up attending Christian and Catholic boarding schools, so we have always been expected to have a close relationship with God. I am not denying my relationship with God, but it is not as strong as every Ethiopian child.

In a way, it is a lot of pressure to have an extremely strong relationship God, but I

accept that.

The Ethiopian government is crap. At some point last year, while we were planning our trip to Ethiopia, the government got so bad we almost postponed. There was a lot of fighting between the government and the Oromo tribe which is one of Ethiopia’s We used to have a king, Haile Seliasse, who was kind to all, but once he died, our government took a turn for the worse.

If I wasn’t Ethiopian I would be living a sad life. It is a big part of who I am and I believe it is what makes me so unique.

Sometimes it is lonely because my sister and I are the only Ethiopians in the school, but despite that, the Ethiopian community across the country is very united and I would be missing out on that feeling of unity. I will never get tired of the Ethiopian culture: the food, the clothes, and the dances. Some things will never get old and being Ethiopian is one of those things.

Even though I am the first generation of my family to be born and raised in America, I can always call Ethiopia my home. It’s always a great day to be an Ethiopian.

INTERVIEWED BY BRY’SHAWNA WALKER // PHOTOS COURTESY OF MEKLIT ENDALCACHEW

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

What it feels like...

I

TO HAVE A DREAM

llinois Music Educators Association, (IMEA) has played a huge role in my experience with band ever since I was in middle school.

I started auditioning for IMEA when I was a seventh grader and I had no idea what it was other than an honor band. I just prepared the music and I was fortunate enough to play at a level to be accepted. I was accepted to IMEA district every year from seventh grade until twelfth grade, six years in a row. I found out what AllState was when I was a high schooler. I went to All-State band conference my junior year as a future music educator which we’ve had a few of those [from Huntley], and I went my senior year playing trumpet where I was second chair honors band in the state. When I was in high school, I was in a band that every year made a recording for AllState. We were never selected; we were never good enough. Obviously, I went on my own as an individual but never got to have that band experience.

I went to that conference every year when I was in college, I’ve gone practically every year since I was a junior in high school. I’m watching these band that are getting accepted to perform.

That’s how I learned who the really good bands were in Illinois and who I wanted to have as my professional heroes and what my program should look like. That was always goal one for me, I want to have a group that plays here.

Finding out [the Huntley Wind Ensemble was accepted to All-State] was one of the best feelings I’ve had. I was literally at my desk, got the email, and ran over to [Nathan Knapke] and [Lori

philip carter, band director

Woods], I was just jumping up and down. It was incredible. [It’s unusual that] I’m such a young band director [to accomplish this]. I look at the biographies of people doing the same thing with their then years of experience with a masters degree and here I am, three years in and having the same successes that they are. My reputation is on the line too.

To me, the performance was all about the music. I wasn’t really nervous. I told wmyself the week of the concert that I needed to pull back and just enjoy the music that we were performing because the literature that we were doing was incredibly beautiful, moving and difficult but being performed at such a high level. I wanted the experience to be about that. The eight months leading up to All-State were about anything but that. I tried to make sure that the band understood it as well, like what an achievement it was. I know our first clinician said that it’s the equivalent of making state. It’s awesome for the band in itself but to think about what we were going to do, and to think about the audience.

The audience was music educators and band directors from literally all across the state at all levels. You had middle school band directors, high school band directors, college band directors, sitting in the performance. They’re all walking in with a certain expectation that this band is going to be good because they got accepted, but at the same time, not many people know Huntley for its bands. There’s an expectation for a group that performs at All-State. After eight months of preparation, selecting music, bringing clinicians in and the

INTERVIEWED BY RIY WALKER // PHOTO COURTESY OF TODD HEINTZ 32 @huntleyvoice

rehearsal process, we were trying to meet the expectation that even though [other schools] haven’t heard of us until recently, we can hold our own with the best groups in the state. I told the [ensemble], it’s a big deal and a great experience that hopefully they look back on and have fond memories of playing in their high school band. For me, it was a professional dream.

The feeling I had the next school day, was “what’s next?” We’d been working on that music off and on since October, and we started hitting it hard in November. Every day on my way to work, I’m listening to recordings, thinking about how the previous rehearsal went, what needs to be fixed, what sounds are we doing really well, what sounds do we need more of. And now we don’t have that anymore. We have that, it’s just for a different thing. The music we’re preparing for right now is literally for a concert we’re doing for our parents which is great, but we’re not taking it to a festival, we’re not going to put it in that arena, we’re not going to record it for anything. Right now, what we’re doing now is just raising the bar even higher. I have more professional dreams than just IMEA. I would love to have a band play at the national concert band festival in Indianapolis. I’d love to have a group play at Midwest. Those are other professional dreams. But to me, I have to remind myself that dreams aren’t necessarily defined in those performances. The dream is to have that high performing band at that level.

I am a band director because I love the repertoire. That’s what keeps me going.

The better the performance, the more I love my job.

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

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What it feels like...

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

TO BE SAVED BY EDUCATION sui lenckus, spanish teacher

I

grew up in a really bad neighborhood and I had a lot of experiences that students should never go through, especially at the age that I was at. I grew up in Prospect Heights in a subdivision called Piper Lane Country Pines and if you looked it up on google all you’d see is murder, stabbing, shootings, and gang wars. I actually grew up in an area where I would go to bed with gunshots as my background music. When I wanted to go to the park it was hard because there was a barbed wire fence surrounding the entire subdivision. Growing up was hard because if I wanted to play at the park I had to either walk two miles or jump the barbed wire fence.

When I would go to school I felt like that was my safe place and I felt like I mattered. My teachers made me feel like I was worthy of more than the situation that I was in. They pushed me to be more than I was destined to be. A lot of the people in that grew up in that area got into gangs or got pregnant as teenagers and my teachers always believed that I was more than the statistic of that. I had a lot of support from my teachers to become something more.

I began teaching nine years ago. I actually started teaching in the school district where I had grown up. It was my way to be able to give back to kids that witnessed the same things that

I witnessed and grew up in the same surrounding. It was a perfect way for me to give back. It was a very hard experience because I had so many students that were my age when I really started to feel like education and school was like my safe haven.

When I was in second grade I witnessed a murder. It was right in front of my house. I remember screaming, wanting to get help, and my mom called 911. The man was murdered right where my bus stop was in front of my apartment building. I remember having to go to school the next day and just sitting at the bus stop next to all the caution tape knowing that I had to be at school and I had to get my act together. I couldn’t be distracted, I had to still get my work done. My teacher had been made aware that I had been a witness so she made things very

same impact on her that my teachers had on me on this girl because she sees school as her safe place too. It was like I’m here for a purpose and I knew that everything was coming full circle.

The curriculum or lesson planning are definitely not the most rewarding parts about teaching. I think that the most important part of my job is creating a place where my students feel safe, where they feel like they matter, and where they feel supported no matter what they do. I want them to know that they have someone aside from their parents to go to that they can depend on and can be open with. I love creating relationships with my students and them knowing that I’m someone that they can count on.

A quote that I like to live by is “ They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care”.

I was put here to show students that they have someone who cares for them and believes in them. My whole life I was blessed with teachers who invested in me and showed care and compassion; they were the reason that I fell in love with learning and I wanted to share that same feeling with others. Learning opens up so many doors and possibilities. I want to help my students to find their passion and to run with it learning all there is to know about what they love and to give that back to the world.

“I would go to school, that was my safe place where I felt like I mattered.”

- Sui Lenckus comfortable for me to be at school.

Throughout the year I witnessed other things that were gang related. It made school very hard.

When I went back to teaching I actually had a girl that lived in my exact building and she wanted to become a teacher and I totally saw a miniature version of me in her. It was just so cool to see that I could literally have the

INTERVIEWED BY BRY’SHAWNA WALKER

@huntleyvoice 35

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

What it feels like...

I

TO LOVE ANIMALS

had been begging my parents to get me a dog for what seemed like an eternity. On my fifth birthday we found a Jack Russell Terrier named Izzy and I fell in love right then and there. She was 6 weeks old, a black and white [pup]. I just knew I wanted her to be mine. My mom asked if the dog was up for adoption and, dream come true, she was.

We were scheduled to officially adopt her two weeks later. We went out to the store [and got] everything we needed for Izzy.

Those two weeks [went] by so slow and, to this day, those weeks were probably the slowest ones of my entire life.

Finally when the day came, I was jumping for joy because I was finally going to get the dog I’ve been begging for. It was all too perfect and when we got there to pick her up, everything crashed and burned.

Izzy was adopted by a different family. I cried the whole way home throwing the biggest tantrum known to man.

A few days later my mom found another dog and she was probably the cutest dog I’ve ever seen. She didn’t have a name yet, but all I cared about was that we were scheduled to get her in three days. We were almost there when we suddenly had to turn around and take my dad to the emergency room.

My mom called saying we would pick up the dog the next day. At that point I tried not to get my hopes up. As we pulled up, things started to go downhill almost immediately. The place we were going to was [somewhere] I was not expecting…neither were my parents. It was a puppy mill.

The owner came up to us barefooted and told my parents that the dog we were about to adopt had fractured her leg. He told us we could take her or pick out another dog.

He said that if we picked another dog he would drown the first one. It sounds so unreal and I couldn’t believe what I heard.

He took us to the barn and opened the giant doors. The cages were stacked on top 36 @huntleyvoice

christine becker, sophomore

of each other like cargo boxes. Then, there was my future dog hopping around in the cage lighting up every time we looked her way. She was hopeless and the idea of her being killed made me sick to my stomach.

Of course I wanted her; of course I wanted to save her. We took her out of that place and back home with us. We were on our way back home when I noticed her paw was swollen and the bandage around her arm was too tight. I screamed at my mom, confused at this sight, but my mom cut of the bandage while holding her in her lap.

Right then and there she puked on my mom, and thank goodness it wasn’t me.

We then drove to the vet to find out what was wrong with her. I didn’t think things

could get worse, but they did. My new puppy had heartworm, fleas, ticks…you name it. The overall surgery expense was $4,000, but she was the best dog I could ever ask for.

I ended up naming her Zoey and she’s been in my life for 10 years. It was all worth it. Ever since then I’ve wanted to work with animals; I volunteer through Home Sweet Home in South Elgin where we rescue animals from shelters and mills.

The whole chaotic experience of how I got Zoey has had a major impact on my decision to go to school to become a veterinarian. I want to be able to help animals, I want to be able to make a difference, and I want to be able to do what I love.

INTERVIEWED BY JEN GORDUS // PHOTOGRAPHED BY KATRINA TROY

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

What it feels like...

I

TO HAVE TINNITUS

t was around 10:30 p.m. when I heard it. Initially, I didn’t think it was in my head, I thought it was in the house.

At the same time, I knew nobody else could hear it, and it freaked me out.

I went to my mom, who told me to go back to sleep. I was nervous and couldn’t relax with the unfamiliar sound.

Knowing that I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep, I decided to stay up. As I played with makeup and toys throughout the long night, I thought, “Whatever, I’ll get over it, it’ll go away,” but it never did.

As a hypersensitive child, getting my parents to believe me was always a struggle, and it wasn’t until age 10 that I found out I had tinnitus.

There is one low pitch, one medium, and three slightly different high pitched sounds that make up the ringing in my ear. It could only be described as a whistling tea kettle, or a dog whistle. These frequencies go on at the same time all day, every day; and they never change.

elizabeth schuh, sophomore

In the past year, I found out the tinnitus is connected to my abnormal heartbeat. I came across this when my heart began to race and the ringing got louder and louder. It felt like I just ran a marathon, but I was just sitting on the couch.

I could be in class and the ringing will all of a sudden get so loud that I’ll lose my hearing completely. It can last anywhere from ten seconds to 20 minutes, or even an hour.

Every single time, it’s scary. When you lose your hearing, you don’t know if you’re ever going to get it back.

A few months ago, the ringing was extremely loud for eight hours straight, and my brain tried to block it out by making what I call “ocean sounds.” It was confusing and exhausting having to deal with both sounds the whole night. I eventually put in earbuds to tune it out with music, but that paired with everything else already going on only made it worse.

In that moment, it felt like I was stuck and like it was never going to change.

INTERVIEWED AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY ARIANNA SANCHEZ

For the most part, I blast music to drown it out and keep me stable. The emotion and stories behind the music I like brings out so much joy from within me that I sometimes forget I have. It’s what I’m most passionate about, and, in a way, it fuels me.

There are no words for the excitement I feel when listening to my music. It makes almost all of my problems dissolve into nothing.

There are times where music does not help, and it really disrupts things.

I often find myself wondering how the loss of my hearing will affect my career and relationships. That’s when I remember how many people are out there who are deaf or missing limbs and still have successful careers.

These people are like warriors, it makes me realize that tinnitus does not get to decide what my future will look like.

I don’t hate my life, and I don’t choose to look at tinnitus as a burden. I know it doesn’t define me; it is merely a part of who I am.

@huntleyvoice 37

february 2018 I volume 21 I issue 5

What it feels like...

TO TURN YOUR LIFEnoah AROUND dziwlik, senior

D

rugs. I did drugs, I smoked weed everyday, didn’t do anything at school, had no motivation for anything. That’s what I did. Smoked weed, slept, smoked weed, slept, smoked weed, slept. People say you can’t be addicted to pot, but 100% yes you can.

I didn’t do my homework, didn’t do crap, but then I was like, ‘where is that going to take me in life?’ That’s not going to take you anywhere. And then I woke up one day and I said, ‘I’m done, I’m never touching it again,’ and I started to get my life back together.

I got a job, started off working at a pizza place, then I worked at an Italian restaurant. I worked at that restaurant from 15 to 17 years old. If I don’t like my job then I quit it and I go get a better one. I have a very addictive personality so work started becoming my addiction.

The thing is, even to get where I am right now, I went through so much crap.

Sophomore year I got arrested for having 64 grams of weed on me, I got pulled over, and I got three felony charges.

Watching all my friends seeing me get patted down, seeing me get put in handcuffs, thrown into a cop car- that’s pretty embarrassing.

It feels like I’ve been going to court for years. Then, finally, it went to sitting in a courtroom. [It was] the scariest thing ever.

Watching your parents cry behind you, waiting for your punishment to see what it is because with three felony charges, I could’ve been sent to jail for two years.

Can you imagine being arrested at 16 or 17, however old I was, and knowing that you made your parents feel as if they failed as parents? Like, I can’t believe I did that to them. To watch my parents be in such distress because of me was the worst thing.

Basically what I thought was, I can’t apologize. Our family was starting to get

torn apart. It started to affect my brothers and that’s when I realized I was just tearing this family apart. That’s when I was like,“this can’t happen.”

I left home for three months and my little brother struggled with that because my other brother is away at college and he’s always been my number one supporter.

My little brother is alone and he’s a very sensitive little kid, but he’s like the sweetest kid ever, best brother in the world. My little brother is my best friend and it just sucked to see him like that.

No words can explain how sorry I am for them, so [I just had] to just prove it. So I had to prove it to them. [I] got tested 32 times, clean every time. I have been sober for seven months, messed up five times, but I have passed every one of my drug tests. [I] started working out, got a job, started paying them money just to live at the house because I felt bad.

I feel like I still owe it to them for letting me still stay in their house after that. What really woke me up was going to Dayton, Ohio on a missions trip to see the [results

“I know where I’m going in life. I know what I’m doing, I’ve got ambitions, I’m getting out of here, I’m going to be a seal. ” -Noah Dziwlik of] the corruption and use of drugs. That’s what woke me up and said, “Noah prove them wrong, be something better.” So I am. That’s exactly what I’m doing, proving them wrong.

I was such a boy, I’m still a boy, but I’m becoming more and more of a man because I want to become something, and I’m capable of much more.

Everyone’s always told me since I was

born, ‘you’re going to be something, you’re going to be something, you’re going to be something,’ and I was like, ‘Okay, whatever I’m going to be something,’ but in order to become something you have to work. For. It. And I never worked for it, so now I’m working for it.

No matter what, I’m a great person, but I messed up. I messed up lots. But that’s the reason for where I am today because I would still be doing all those drugs, still be doing crazy stuff, not be where I am, not wanting to become a Navy SEAL. When you’re an addict, it’s so hard to stop, but if you can get that two weeks in of stopping, you’ll be a lot better.

It’s all about you. Like life is so much about you. I can’t give up on myself. I can’t do that. I’m better than that.

An addiction is sickening, [I felt] like [I would be] be an addict for the rest of my life. It almost made me feel like I failed myself because I started.

It’s not a big deal to me anymore because I know where I’m going in life. I know what I’m doing, I’ve got ambitions, I’m getting out of here, I’m going to be a SEAL. Since I’m an addict, I’m going to go to the military to be a Navy SEAL and you know that I’m going to be addicted to that.

I’ll never be able to get out of it. I will be so in love with it and that’s also going to teach me how to be a man, manners, everything.

It’s going to be crazy, I just can’t wait until I can get out of here.

It’s possible. That’s all I’ve got to say, it’s possible. I want my story to inspire others to become leaders. When you want something bad enough and put it in the work, anything is possible.

Coming from an 18 year old that has been lucky enough to learn earlier than most, this was my rock bottom. Without my parents, my brothers, music, and a girl, I don’t think I would be here today. I know I would not only not be here physically, but now mentally. Never. Give. Up.

INTERVIEWED BY RILEY MURPHY // PHOTOGRAPHED BY KAITLYN KALISCHEFSKI 38 @huntleyvoice