HOW TO OVERCOME SELF-DOUBT Get past the fear of failure that may be holding you and your business back. BY BRIGHAM DICKINSON
I
n life, the things people say about us, or the things we say about ourselves, can shape the way we see ourselves. Self-doubt can keep us from meaningful relationships and can keep our individual accomplishments from ever being realized. It’s easy for the criticisms people make of us to become part of who we are. Take me, for instance. When I was young, my parents believed I was hyperactive. They were terrified I would hurt myself or someone else and always tried to keep me in line. This story shaped my entire childhood and stuck with me as an impediment throughout high school. My grades and poor self-esteem came as a result of self-misperception. In my early 20s, I took an ADHD test, and miraculously, my hyperactivity had disappeared, almost like it was never there to begin with. As I look back now, I am not sure I ever had ADHD. My parents were not at fault. They were doing the best they could with a crazy, energetic kid. I am one of six kids, and my mother always told me that if I was the first born, I would have also been the last
12
HVACR BUSINESS JUNE 2020
That thing that you want to accomplish may not come as easy to you as it does for others, but you can still do it as long as you’re willing to pay the price. born. She’s not being mean, just sincere.
up to us to tear it down.
ADHD, whether I have it or not, does not make me who I am. The stories we tell ourselves or let other people tell us about us can become part of who we are and damage our ability to act the way we want to act. Impediments, real or imagined, are only impeding if we let them.
We’re the authors of our own lives. The stories we choose to believe are the ones that will shape us in ways we can’t imagine, both in life and business. The hardest part of understanding that and using it to better yourself is that we want to believe other people are right and know us better than we know ourselves.
When I lost my first business, I was so tempted to give up and say, “I can’t do this anymore.” But I fought back. I overcame self-doubt and built a better, stronger company by becoming a better leader. We all face challenges every day, and some of them seem too difficult to overcome. Our failure in the face of these tasks can build a creeping sense of self-doubt within us: a wall of our own construction that prevents us from moving forward. But if we’re the one building the wall, it’s
The truth is, when you or others say, “I can’t,” this is a lie. You can. That thing that you want to accomplish may not come as easy to you as it does for others, but you can still do it as long as you’re willing to pay the price. The phrase, “I can’t,” does not exist. It’s not real. The truth is right now, “I won’t.” The thing that holds us back from being physically fit happens to be the same thing
that keep us from being great leaders. It is the same thing that keeps us from being the best parent, a wonderful spouse, an incredible business success or even a kind neighbor. It is all for the same reason. Right now, “I won’t.” This means that the self or social doubt, we choose to internalize, builds an imagined wall that keep us from doing the hard work necessary to move forward. Failure from time to time is part of the program. If we get negative feedback from our customers or clients, or we lose business deals because we make a mistake, there will be a moment when the people we do business with will try to break us down. They’ll tell us we aren’t fit to run a business; they’ll question why we worked with them in the first place. When that moment comes, we need to be prepared not to incorporate this criticism into ourselves, creating self-doubt, but use it to move forward and build a stronger business and a stronger story.
www.hvacrbusiness.com
