OUT OF THE SHADOWS

There was no lightbulb moment that convinced Oliver Sim to fly solo. “It isn’t something that I’ve wanted to do for a very long time,” he admits over coffee in his native London. The decision to work on his own material—culminating in Hideous Bastard, his just-released debut album—was, perhaps ironically, inspired by his work in the xx, the band he formed with school friends Romy Madley Croft and Jamie XX almost two decades ago. “I’m very happy there, that’s my home,” Sim continues, clarifying it as a side project and not a divorce. “Jamie had just done his own solo record when the band made our last record, and he came to it with so many ideas and new ways of working. That album was all the better for it. I think that was the first time I thought maybe we should date outside of this relationship just for the sake of being better.”

Working with this new distance literally and emotionally gave Sim the opportunity to not only try things differently but to try things his own way. In this spirit, Hideous Bastard takes its general theme and feeling from many of the artist’s beloved horror movies. It also brought Sim to collaborate with Yann Gonzalez on a companion short film in which the artist appears as a hideous green monster, who—spoiler—ultimately leaves his world in dreamy glamor. It’s just one of the many horrific visual references that permeates the album and Sim’s general aura as of late. For the artist, the attraction comes partly from its mix between light and dark, and, in particular, the genre’s campy dark humor.

As to be expected, the lyrical themes within the album draw more from Sim’s own personal experiences than his previous discography. Most notably, he reveals for the first time publicly that he’s been living with H.I.V. since the age of 17 in its title song, “Hideous.” “Since I found out about my status, my way of dealing has always been control,” he explains. “I know who knows, know if they’re a safe person, and I know if they’ve told anyone else. It’s exhausting. So I started having conversations. They were really fucking uncomfortable, but each one felt a bit less heavy, shameful, and uncomfortable.” In many ways, that is the message of the album. While Sim’s feelings of shame are referenced frequently, Hideous Bastard is also a joyous record that allows his sense of humor to shine through. “My sad moments usually have an air of joy to them,” Sim says confidentially. “I’ve tried to do that on the record. Though some of the themes are heavy, some of the songs are joyful or the way I wrote it had some joy. Some of my favorite songs are songs that you can go out and dance to or you can take home and cry to.”

THE XX RELEASED ITS DEBUT ALBUM 13 YEARS AGO, AND YOU’RE RELEASING YOUR DEBUT SOLO ALBUM NOW. HOW DID THE CREATION OF EACH COMPARE?

The writing [for Hideous Bastard ] was very different. Speaking for Romy and I, we always had an ethos of keeping the songs as general and universal as possible [in the xx]—there are no mentions of time or place or pop culture references that might age the songs or gender specific pronouns. That’s nice, and I stand behind a bit of it, but I think it also came from an insecurity on my side. The listener has enough imagination to still look past specifics and place themselves in a song and connect. This time I haven’t shied away from very specific things.

WAS IT DIFFERENT WORKING WITH JAMIE AS A PRODUCER FOR YOUR OWN MUSIC VERSUS THE COLLECTIVE MUSIC IN THE XX?

Jamie really took a step into my world without any ego. He doesn’t share my love of horror, but he sat with me and watched the films. We don’t have the same record collection but he listened to the music I was listening to. He’s also a straight man and this is quite a queer record. But he got into the conversations. I did try working with other people and I learned a lot, but I don’t think I could have been as vulnerable if it weren’t with Jamie. The first few songs we made were fucking terrible. They will never see the light of day, but it was fun. I didn’t want to try and recreate the xx, so we tried everything and some of it was garbage. But then we stumbled across a happy mistake and we leaned into it, and made another mistake and leaned into that.

NOT ONLY DID YOU WORK WITH JIMMY SOMERVILLE ON THE NEW ALBUM BUT YOU ALSO REACHED OUT TO A LOT OF LEGENDARY QUEER ARTISTS IN THE PROCESS. WHAT WAS THAT LIKE? Really nice. I haven’t had many musical friends outside of Romy and Jamie. I love them, but realistically I do need to make more, especially the queens that paved the way. More than anything I wanted to learn from them, but I also wanted some support. And I’ve got so much support from Jimmy, Elton [John], and Jon Grant. And I’ve learned a lot, it’s given a lot of perspective.

THERE ARE SPECIFIC AND PERSONAL DETAILS THROUGHOUT THE RECORD. YOU OPEN WITH THE LINE “I’M UGLY” AND END “HIDEOUS” DISCUSSING YOUR H.I.V. DIAGNOSIS. WHY DID YOU WANT TO DO THAT THROUGH MUSIC?

It’s much easier to be honest in songwriting than it is in conversation because songwriting is a conversation with yourself. There’s no back and forth: I don’t have to be there when somebody listens to it and I don’t have to make eye contact. My initial reasons for doing it were super impulsive. I was just feeling quite overwhelmed, and I thought I would just throw it out into the world and be done with that. I played [“Hideous”] to my mum, who knows me pretty well. She was like, “This is a little dramatic.” She knows that the thing that scares me more is conversations, and she said to start having those conversations. So I made a film where it was played out to loads of people I didn’t know. I spoke to journalists that I’d just met for the first time. By the time it came to release the song, it was out there. I had no control over it, so it didn’t feel like a dramatic reveal. Since then, I’ve definitely had moments of feeling uncomfortable and a bit raw, but I think that’s O.K. I don’t think that’s me being deep in shame. If you share anything quite personal in a very public way, it’s going to feel like that. But three years ago, just saying hello, sitting down, and talking about this would have been impossible. So at the risk of sounding very American, I’ve done a lot of healing.

HAS IT CHANGED HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF OR HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF?

Definitely. There have been no light switch moments, but noticing things like sitting here and being able to have this conversation is great. I’m by no means a finished product. I don’t feel quite as overwhelmed by shame, but it’s still with me. Which is O.K., I don’t want to be a shameless person.

HOW IMPORTANT ARE THE VISUAL ELEMENTS TO THE ALBUM?

I’ve really tried to create a world with lots of fantasy. Because I’ve made quite an honest record, I didn’t want to package it as being overly sincere and earnest. I’ve spent the past however long in my bedroom…give me some kind of fantasy, give me some kind of an adventure. When stuff is shouting at me this is honest, this is raw, this is real, there’s a part of my brain that will automatically be like this is so insincere. So if I’ve made an honest record, the visual side shouldn’t have to limit that.

WERE YOU WORRIED THAT YOUR HUMOR WOULDN’T COME ACROSS AS WELL AS THE HEAVIER THEMES?

That’s another thing I’ve learnt from all of the queens. They’ve all gone through a lot of stuff, but a common thread between them is that they all have quite a cutting sense of humor that I love. It’s quite British, it’s the best way of coping with shit. It was super tempting for me to be black and white with my thinking and just be like, sad song, happy song, light, dark. But that’s not how I experience things.

HOW DO YOU HOPE THE ALBUM WILL BE RECEIVED? don’t know how I measure what doing well is for it. No one’s bigger than the band, that’s not my objective here. I’ve allowed myself to make some more daring choices because this is my opportunity to do that. If one person dressed up as me with a green face for Halloween this year that would mean a lot to me. Wherever they are in the world. I’m going to start saying that in every interview, just to make sure it happens.