how to jingle his bells the casting COUCH
>>>>FROM TROPHY WIFE TO >>>> REALITY TV
Sierra Alston BARES ALL IN THIS REVEALING INTERVIEW
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THE CREATIVE PROCESS GROWING UP AGAINST THE GRAIN iam Neema Ali
STAFF PUBLISHER Ronnie Walker @iamronniewalker
EXECUTIVE EDITOR DJ Sincere @drtybsmnt ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Belinda Trotter - James @modelocity @Belinda_Trotter_James
CON TRI BUT ORS
Peige Tuner Offers advice on how to spice up your sex life and increase the intimacy in your relationship. Neema Ali Offers how-to tip on MAKE UP and becoming a better you...
ART ASSITANCE Mike Hanna @bigcalhoun
https://ronniewalker.jeunesseglobal.com/en-US/
caution magazine issue seven
Vinny Taylor
10
iam Neema Ali
14
THE CREATIVE PROCESS
16
how to jingle his bells
18
sierra Alston
20
VINCENT ELLIS WHITE
26
caution events
32
Vinny Taylor THE CASTING COUCH By Darnae Frazier
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Have you ever wondered what goes through the mind of a casting agent? When you go for that audition, what are the casting directors looking for and can they tell if this is your first audition or not. For the answers and other tips we spoke to Vinny Taylor, former casting director for Liz Lewis casting. In an exclusive interview, we pulled him out of retirement and asked a series of questions about things you should do and deadly don’ts of the industry… Question: What goes through the mind of a casting agent before the casting call goes out to the public? Vinny: We get a call from the advertiser looking for a specific type and then we send the call out. We look for people who fit the requirements that the advertiser requested. Question: In general, how should one submit their photos to the casting agencies? Vinny: If you send in your photo, include as much information as possible on the outside of the envelop. For example, include name of casting, director’s name or the casting call number. The inside should include your photo, resume and cover letter. Remember, the receptionist will receive your envelope and if it does not have the information on the front of the envelope, the receptionist will not know which office to send the envelope and therefore, must be put in the circulation file (trash). The casting office gets hundreds of mail per day and it makes their life easy if they can sort out the mail and send to various departments within the agency. Question: What type of photo should you send and how should you send it to an agent…? Should one send Black/ White or Color photos by mail, email and what size? Vinny: Black and White headshots are almost non-existent. People are not required to have an 8X10 anymore; only color. This comes because of the age of the computer. Black and white 8X10’s has no depth on the computer. With everyone sending their photos via internet, the color photo gives the casting director a clear picture of what you look like on a computer screen. The color photo also allows us to see the texture, tone and even pimples on your skin. Will an agent ignore a black and white photo? Maybe… maybe not. Question: What should be on your resume? Vinny: Your resume should include your name, contact number and email address. Do not write your physical address. It’s too dangerous these days. A casting director is not going to write you or send you a casting notice. If you have a union affiliation, put it on the resume. However, if you are not in a union, do not put anything. If you write non-SAG, a casting director may mistakenly only see SAG and put you in the wrong pile. Question: What should one say to the casting director after the audition? Vinny: Thank you. That’s it. If you say something like, “How did I do?” The agent will immediately know you’re an amateur. The pro’s go in, audition and leave. Question: What should you wear to an audition? Vinny: Read the casting notice and look for the requirements of the audition. If the agent is looking for redheads, you better be a redhead. Women should never wear heavy earrings, jewelry or lots of makeup. The directors have no imagination. They will not be able to imagine what you would look like without all that stuff. A blank canvas is better than a painting because he might not like the painting. Question: What are the top dos and don’ts when auditioning? Vinny: Don’t talk to your friends while waiting your turn to audition. Friends can distract you from having a great audition. Instead read the story board or sides. The professionals will sit quietly to read the scripts. Do pay attention to everything in the advertising world. Look for the latest trends of what is hot or the flavor of the month. Curly hair may be “in” this month and “out” next month. Question: Any advice or words or wisdom? Vinny: Be prepared for rejection. Not everyone is going to get the job. Leave the audition behind you and move on to the next one.
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Hi Loves
, let me introduce myself, I am a over all business Entrepreneur executive, my Credit and recipients come from being a pretty well known Professional celebrity Make Up Artist/Groomer/ Hairstylist you will get to know more about me as we grow together, I am not here for it to be about me...
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I am here to create an opportunity to help Encourage, Empower and educate others!
I Am Neema Ali, SE Washington DC born, North Carolina raised, growth by way of Los Angeles CA and NYC and now its Hellooo ATL! I’ve been in the industry a long time, NO THIS IS NOT MY HOBBY!!! Some of my recent work over the last few years has been seen glamming up a lot of your favorite reality TV personalities, to some of your favorite celebrity’s, well actually when I think about it... IVE done some of my own favorite as seen on TV celebrity’s, my work has been seen on seasons 3 Married to Medicine Dr. Heavenly, 6 Seasons of Love Hip Hop between NY and ATL, a fun Season 5 Basketball Ball wives Miami working with Tasha Marbury a few times and let me not forget The Gossip Game to name a few of your most familiar TV shows. But... I do all type of business and God doesn’t limit me! I sometimes have my hands in many different places but make up is my love... my foundation and I am blessed to have grown my career this far! Now that I’ve reached a platform in my career I am blessed to be a AGENCY signed artist with the best Small growing boutique agency out of NYC “The Teknique Group” If I am not getting calls from my agents Tekoa Hash or Yannize Joshua, I am networking living that faith driven life, get out... network, trust God and the referrals will roll in! Remember Faith and Work go hand in hand! Working for self means you cant stop and wont stop... If I am not on a long term production you can best believe I am somewhere excited about the next unforeseen possibilities and staying ready so I don’t have to get ready, so when I get calls to work with Legendary BOSS Queens like Mike Taylor who was Essences Magazines beauty editor for the last 30 years, I WAS READY!! I’ve literally loved this women’s advice all my life... she empowers women and motivate us, she’s always had the TOP beauty products, trends, tips and secrets before they actually hit the press! Yes I am proud to say I did her make up and Of course I was shaking in my boots lol... But no matter the client, I am humble, I don’t take any credit for any opportunities the Most High presents to me I am grateful, I am Bless by the Mercy, and Grace... all I say is Thank you God! When your blessed with a craft, a skill, and you have natural raw talent to create with a ability of success and you’ve never been trained or been to any training institution.... understand you are walking in total purpose, no matter what obstacles you face, its meant to be if you believe! Don’t stop... keep going, don’t compare yourself or your journey with others...self-love and self-belief is the way you reach your destiny! Nothing in life that’s worth having comes easy; yes it’s tough, yes your going to want to quit but you already know quitting is not an option winning is the only option!!!! As an entrepreneur I love the saying STAY ready so you don’t have to get ready! If your in any faucets of glam, from Hair to make up or Fashion Styling you yourself is the walking advertisement for your brand! How you sell yourself can possibly determine the bottom line of your business developing trust visually with your own look on self is a huge selling mark! In reality most clients hire you for you at 80% the other 20% is your brand! Now it no needs to get excited and feel you don’t have to be at the TOP of your game...YES, of course your work should be good hell great and you really could be hired by that client BECAUSE she likes you and your work. But remember you always have a competitor somewhere lurking after a great client. Slip and get cocky... You to might find yourself CUT!! For any questions or inquiries please email me at: kreatingnewfaces@gmail.com | Instagram: @Iamneemali Twitter: @Iamneemaali | Facebook: Neema Ali | Website: www.kreatingnewfaces.com Thank you for taking the time and letting me introduce myself to you... I would love to hear from you... Building my blog with you in mind one Glam session at a time...
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Peace, once again were back with another installment of our artist development series. Hopefully our initial endeavor Learn Your Craft was found by you to be enlightening and informative.. In this piece we will be expanding on that topic. While everyone has their own style or method to music production or song writing there are some constants. We often think of music as freestyle or improvisational, and while it is those things at its core music is structured. The same freestyle or improvisational must fit into that structure or framework in order to work. This is best illustrated by a great freestyle rapper who can’t rhyme to a beat. While we know these are touchy subjects we write these words in the hope of assisting artists to move forward in their chosen profession and be successful.
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THE CREATIVE PROCESS It is not my intention with this article to tell anyone how or what to create, that is entirely the choice of the artist. It should be noted that there is a science to all things and this is no different. In addition both music production and song writing are crafts that must be honed and respected. This is part of learning your craft. This article is about the importance of honesty in the creative process. Point blank, there is too much wackness out there. Really, lets call it what it is. I know to call something, anything wack or inferior these days is to invite the label of “hater” being placed on you. That’s bogus. The lack of a standard, any standard even from the music buying public has inundated us with what any reasonable person would call trash. Why is this? In this day and age with all the technology at hand that is available for music production one would think that today’s music would be unimaginably fantastically creative , absolutely incredible.... but its not. Much of this is as I spoke of in the inaugural article; time not being taken to properly learn what one is trying to do. There is also another large component, and that is the over reliance on technology over real talent and imagination. This leads to a type of creative laziness. Add all that together and you have what we hear all over the radio....a mess. Over the years music technology has gotten more sophisticated but also easier to use especially with the ever increasing use of programs over actual hardware. You can point and click and cut and paste with ease. This has been both a blessing and a curse. In the hands of someone who had experience with earlier technology and/or real instruments (gasp) and really understood how to do things, how to properly record and chop a and loop a sample, how to balance sounds, create tension within the song and most importantly had ideas it just made the process faster. The saturation and subsequent affordability of music software made it so even the least talented or motivated could “create” music. Inspiration comes in all forms and all of us are building on those who came before us. However with the on set of pre set loops, bass lines synths and piano riffs a song could easily be built without much thought much less effort or inspiration. The time when both the learning curve and the cost of studio time was prohibitive has long past. This did serve as a gateway of sorts that did help keep the least inventive and dedicated among us from taking it beyond the hobby stage. Then even if you did get a song done getting it distributed widely to the public was basically impossible without begin signed to a record label or having wealthy relatives. The internet changed all that. As an artist I think the main concern should always be the quality of the output. To that end there is nothing wrong with the rewrite, edit or retake. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed, there is nothing wrong with taking a second look or giving more thought at how to turn a phrase more effectively or sweeten a track. Take your time, walk away from it for a while and let it breath maybe work on an entirely different song then approach it again. Even more importantly an artist that is honest with themselves and with their craft is very good friends with the garbage can. Yes, the garbage can. All of this goes for DJs too. Everything that one creates regardless of the art form is not going to be worthy of public consumption. Some ideas wont work and there’s nothing wrong with trashing a beat, track or song and starting over from scratch. Sorry, everything you do isn’t gonna be hot so please get over it now, the sooner you do the better for us all.
seventeen
How to Really Jingle His
Bells
By: Paige Turner Let’s talk sex… oral sex to be exact. It was once something that many were embarrassed to talk about. Hopefully we have all graduated from that point. Face it, men enjoy oral sex, and some women just don’t enjoy doing it. It can be a bit nerve wracking for ladies, especially if you don’t know what to do. The good thing about fellatio is that it isn’t rocket science and anyone can excel at it. Every man isn’t the same, so just like anything in a relationship, you will need to communicate with your partner. Once you feel comfortable with the thought of pleasing you partner orally, feel free to try some or all of these tips. Of course, no one should ever feel pressure to participate in any activity that they feel uncomfortable with. Generally speaking, than women. Womthings look, the ambithey turned the oven first mistake. If a guy getting physical with he’s digging you. Don’t look in the lighting, giving him your best. ponytail, and prepare No one gives good head Oral sex doesn’t have you want it sloppy and a little graphic —but
men are more primal en worry about how ance, whether or not off…etc. That’s the is at the point where he you, you already know worry about how you be concerned with Put your hair up in a to get down and dirty. while trying to be cute. to look or sound pretty, noisy. I know, I know… true.
Learn your partner’s body. Switch up your technique and pay attention to how his body changes with each new method you use. Notice what happens when you change speeds. Does he respond more with a flat tongue or a tongue flick? Listen to his breathing for clues to what techniques he enjoys the most. Don’t forget to give him a hand either. Use your hand to firmly, but gingerly stroke him, and make sure you don’t forget his two friends at the base of his genitalia. Lastly, make sure you don’t use any teeth. It may help to cover your teeth with your lips as an extra layer of protection. The point is to give pleasure, not pain. While there are many other things that you can do to effectively jingle his bells, these are just a few tips to give the novice head hunter a start. As you get more comfortable with pleasing you partner, you will develop and perfect your own methods. Nothing makes for better sexual relations than open communication with your partner. These tips are meant to be a starting point for those who are interested in pleasing their partners in every way, but are unsure how to go about it. You now have a few tricks to get started. Go ahead—jingle his balls!! I dare you!
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S Written by: DJ SINCERE With Contributions by: Mr. Raaw and Readdy for DRTYBSMNT MULTIMEDIA / CAUTION MAGAZINE
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ierraAlston There have been countless reality shows that featured many beautiful women. Many have seen them engaged in all types of outlandish behavior. Never a step forward, always descending to lower and lower depths. We have never seen anyone remove themselves from the madness, until now. On the recent VH1 reality show “She Got Game” which featured rapper The Game searching among a bevy of beauties looking for love, one young lady decided to eliminate herself and walked off the show! Let’s meet Sierra Alston.
SA: My name is Sierra Alston and before “She’s Got Game” I was a trophy wife to the top African-American surgeon in Las Vegas. We stayed married for about 3 ½ years and when we decided to part company I decided to become a writer, a blog writer, I also work for a software development company but once I got on the show and the show ended I started to discover other skills that I have such as the “Eye Candy Workout Course” that I take around certain states, I’m also writing a book as well as a lingerie line coming out and I’m also an actress. CM: Okay wow, you got a whole lot going on but you started all that off by saying that you were a trophy wife, did I hear you right? SA: Yeah you did, I was, past tense, I was CM: Why do you describe in that way? SA: Well if you ask him, he provided me with a lifestyle that most 23 year old and 24, 25 did not have so at the end of the day, I mean it is what it is. I was a trophy wife, he basically took care of me, he provided me with whatever my heart desired and I didn’t have to work. So I basically lived through him and basically he validated me if that makes sense. CM: I’m sure that was you know a series of experiences in their own right, after the marriage dissolved and you said you went on to find some of the other things that you are into, now you also said that you’re a writer, what type of material do you write? SA: Well prior to the show our neighbors hired me as a consultant as well as their blog writer because they own a software development company. So basically I just did all the blog writing for the client to keep them on the front page of Google and I also did ghost writing I guess you can say but as of now I do more emotional writing so whatever I go through I just kind of build off of that, I don’t do any more business writing, I do more emotional writing now. Like my quotes, I kind of want to brand myself as a Marilyn Monroe. When you think of her you think of things she said. So when you think of me, I want you think of things I said, that you could kind of relate to.
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CM: When it came to the show “The Game” did you have real interest in him or was this just part of the show script that you had to follow or flow with and go with whatever was going? SA: Well I would say the show definitely was not scripted this is not your typical VH1 show… the emotions were definitely real. I went on the show basically optimistic, I was open minded, I wanted something different than what I was used to or what I had in the past and I knew that he was a lot different than the last guy I dated. So I definitely went in just hoping for the best but also if it didn’t work out I would still gain. I wasn’t going to leave empty handed and I say that to say basically the world would still know who Sierra Alston is and it gave me an opportunity to kind of display to everyone who I am and what I’m about and that I’m not your typical drama reality star. So I did go on the show looking for love I guess you could say but more so I wanted a good friend and that’s what you have to be first and I saw some things in him that I thought was good but I also saw some things in him that I thought was just not for me. So I went on there looking for love but it is what it is.
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KEYSHIA COLE PICKED ME... SHE CHOSE ME AND THOUGHT THAT’LL BE SOMETHING GOOD FOR ME BECAUSE IT’LL BE THE OPPOSITE OF THE LAST RELATIONSHIP
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CM: Well you know that’s the way the ball bounces, that’s a good intent. Are there any other side endeavors that you have that we have to look out for? SA: I’ve been dancing all my life. Ballet, tap, modern, hip-hop. So basically I’ve always took a sensual dance course for multiple years and so I decided to do my own traveling sensual dance course which kind of teaches you the art of sensual dancing also enhances relationships. So I basically go from state to state and different women sign up, my last class was sold out in Washington, DC. I’m doing a fitness brand called “Eye Candy Workout”, I’m also coming out with a YouTube channel online virtual course also a DVD and an app. So that’s just that one thing. I’ve been working with an acting coach. I’ve also been back and forth to Hollywood, talking to A-list actors and things like that trying to enhance my acting career, so you’ll see me on the big screen soon. Also I have a lingerie line coming out because I do believe that everyone is sexy, also I have a fitness pro line coming out, it’s kind of a correlation to the actual workout and I’m writing a book with all my quotes in it. It would kind of tell my life story because I do have a lot to tell and a lot of people look at me and just think that things are so easy because I am attractive. I don’t want people to feel like I’ve never been through anything because that’s the way the show had portrayed me to be this perfect woman or this woman that doesn’t make mistakes and I make plenty mistakes and I’ve made plenty mistakes and I do have skeletons in my closet which would be revealed in my book.
CM: How did you actually get chosen for the show because the one thing that I saw that was a little different was that all of the young ladies that were on the show were picked by somebody else, so who picked you? SA: Keyshia Cole picked me. Yeah so basically all the girls got chosen by one of his very good celebrity friends and she chose me cause she’s more like my mentor and also she’s a confidant for me, so she chose me and thought that’ll be something good for me because it’ll be the opposite of the last relationship that I’ve been in. CM: I want to talk to you about, about Priscilla. So I know you guys have signed a non-disclosure form. SA: We do, but what do you want to know? CM: The 10 million dollar lawsuit that she has against Game on the show about sexual harassment. The show is about sex you know what I’m saying, you see the kissing, hugging, etc. SA: Hold on, hold on there. The show is not about sex, the show is about him basically trying to find a woman that he can do those things with, you never saw me kissing and hugging and loving…you never saw me doing that
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Alston
Sierra Alston
CM: No not you but the other girls… in my opinion the show is about sex. At the end of the day you got to be 100% on everything. So it’s a sexy show it’s about sex. Now not all girls like you said I didn’t see you doing those things, I thought you were handling your business. So the 10 million dollar lawsuit that she has against him for sexual harassment on the show, how do you feel about that? SA: Okay, so basically I’ll keep that brief but I do have my feelings towards it. Basically Priscilla she…from what I’ve seen, from what she displayed in front of me, she does like attention and if you don’t give her attention then she kind of just…it’s kind of your with her or you’re against her and I also feel that he basically…he is an aggressive man but I don’t think that he touched her where as though she had to sue him. Obviously if you look at me, he would never look at me and touch my vagina, he would never think that’s okay with me. So obviously I don’t know if she incited it, I don’t know if they may have had a couple of drinks and it went there and then she didn’t like the results afterwards that maybe he was on other girls and didn’t pay her any more attention, I wasn’t there to really know what went down but at the end of the day I do know the characteristics of each person, I do know Priscilla likes attention and I also know that he is aggressive. So at the end of the day I will just say I don’t believe that he did it where it will harm her, but he may have did it playfully and she may have you know kind of invited it. But like I said you won’t think that you could just do that to me but obviously he felt that he could do that to her. I mean who goes walking around in their underwear anyway so… SA: I do want to say this, I don’t want the show to define me at all. I don’t want you to think of me as Sierra from “She’s got game” that’s just one thing I did at a moment in time of my life and now moved on to something else. I don’t just want to be labelled as your normal reality star. CM: Are you looking forward to doing some appearances as well as hosting and appearances on TV? SA: As far as appearances I’ve done a few so far however I don’t want to do that many because in Hollywood when you’re trying to be a successful actor they don’t really want to see that you’re hosting night clubs all the time. So it’s kind of like you kind of have to choose which one you want to do. Do you want to be a party girl or you kind of want to be in the movies. So I definitely won’t be doing that much hosting. CM: This has been a fantastic interview it was great speaking with you. SA: Yeah thank you so much and I definitely had a good time with you guys, you asked good questions and I love hanging out with you guys so thank you for having me.
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G ROW I N G U P AGA
VINCENT ELLIS WHITE T h e
q u e s t
r i v e t i n g
t o
f i n d
s t o r y
h i s
o f
fat h e r
By Belinda Trotter-James
twenty six
IN ST T H E GRA I N In one out of three homes there are children living without an active father figure in their lives. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 24 million children in America are not living with their biological fathers. One would think that as long as a child has at least one parent in the household to care for them, they should grow up to be well adjusted citizens of society. Right? According to author/advocate Vincent Ellis White who knows first hand the consequences that comes with a male child living without his father things can get a little confusing and frustrating. If you want to know why young males seem to act crazy for no reason, finally someone figured it out and there is a major reason that needs to be addressed by male adults who are fathers to young boys. In my exclusive interview Mr. White reveals his feeling about not having that constant father figure throughout his childhood. Thank God Vincent put pen to paper to write his inspirational journey on why fathers are so important in a boy’s life entitled, “FINDING CHRIS, MY FATHER.” “I thought my journey and my story was so unique,” says Vincent. “I just couldn’t let this crazy, dynamic story happen without telling someone. I was telling it to my friends and my new family members so I thought, ‘Let me just write it down.’ I was still dealing with the father wound that I had for almost my whole life so it was also therapeutic. I said I would do it for therapeutic purposes and write the story to have something to pass down to my son.” You know it is said that the past sometimes shapes our future. For Vincent the past dealt him a hand that left him without a consistent presence of a father figure which lead him on a fantastic journey into the mind of a young 16 year old struggling with feelings he can’t fully explain. His journey has taken him on a path that some will call a miracle that no one would have been able to predict. “I had no plans for things to grow the way that it has from a book to motivational speaking to a staged play and motion picture,” explains Vincent. “I never had that on the agenda at all. God is amazing because we may have our own plan however, there is a whole different plan lined up for us and that’s what happened.” Vincent revealed that he thought he was okay until one day at the age of 16 his mother gave him some news that changed his life forever. It’s puzzling to think that a young male child who was taken care of by a responsible mother figure would all of a sudden feel destroyed with one sentence. “Son, I have something to tell you,” begins his mother. “The man, who you think is your dad, isn’t.” Vincent found out about his biological father at the age of 16. “The only thing that happened at 16 is that I had a bomb dropped on this 16 year old mind that the guy who I thought was my father was not and I was given this new name, Chris Anderson”, reveals Vincent. “I was told he was my biological father. That is the only thing that happened at 16 which is a devastating, catastrophic thing that happened to my 16 year old mind. I had loved the person who I thought was my father for 16 years; even though he was in and out of jail and was not there for me and I felt he wasn’t doing a great job. It’s like if I could rate him, it would be a strong D minus, but I loved him because he was my pop and I spent time with him even if it was in front of a picnic table or jail cell or periodically at home, I still knew him as my pops. So at 16 a bomb was dropped on me like…
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here is this new guy, here’s his name, Chris Anderson… I don’t have much more information on him, but here you go. You know what I mean… that’s what happened to me at 16.” When I read that Vincent’s whole world turned upside down at 16, I couldn’t figure out why it was such an impact. He was alright from birth to 16 and now he gets this information and his life as he knew it was now destroyed. He had a loving mother and a father figure in and out of his life, so why was the feeling of devastation first to hit his 16 year old brain?… “At the time I did feel I was ‘okay’ but in hindsight I don’t feel I was okay because before I got that news I was starting to ‘act out’ and be defiant and go against my mom,” explains Vincent. “I started acting out in school getting into fights and a lot of things that teenagers go through, but we don’t know why we’re going through it. Now looking back I know why… I didn’t have my father. I was angry at the fact that he wasn’t there. I didn’t have a strong example in the home. My mom was fantastic. I don’t think I would even be here if it wasn’t for her, but what I’m saying is that people are designed for certain things. A father is designed to be certain things in a child’s life. That’s just the design of it. When you go against the design, there are consequences and disadvantages; so those are the things I think I had.” “I started to act out in the only way I knew how,” continues Vincent. “A lot of these teenagers are just wilding out in the streets and everyone is quick to say, ‘I can’t believe these kids are acting so crazy. What happened to them?’ These fathers need to step up and be there for their children. In my particular case he needed to be aware that he had a son. And the guy that was in the place at the time as a father, he should have been more present instead of acting out and doing the things that he was doing to make him a habitual offender in jail. So at 16 my world got turned upside down in the sense of… Oh my God, I was already mad at this guy, but I still loved him and now all of a sudden he’s not my blood… What?!? It was just a big, big shocker. And in my 16 year old mind I’m looking at my mom and then I felt, ‘Mom, you’ve been lying to me?’ So I’m looking at my mom who I trusted and then secondly I’m looking at my whole family on my father’s side that I knew. I started looking at them like…, ‘Are you really my family?’ I knew they weren’t blood anymore. So I actually disowned that whole side of the family. I’m thinking... ‘I can’t trust anybody.’ This was just a big devastating blow.”
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Sheesh, you never know how someone is going to When you’re a kid you believe everything your mom react to something you think might not have any im- says when you’re that young. You don’t think they are pact on a person’s mind. Some kids make it through lying to you. I was telling all my friends that my pops okay and some turn to gangs to fill a fatherless void. was in school. I wasn’t seeing no jail bars because I was sitting right in front of him at a picnic table. I could “I did not turn to gangs and I have to attribute that to touch him and play ball with him and his friends so it my phenomenal mother. My mom was there every made sense to me. It wasn’t until I got older and realstep of the way with no gaps and she don’t play either. ized he can’t be in school for ten years unless you want I’m just saying that there is still a role designed for to be a super doctor. That’s when I realized he must be the father, but mom don’t play and in this day and in jail.” age there are 1 out of 3 children who does not have a father in the home. This means that we have some Holy cow… It’s a difficult task for a mother to know amazing mothers that are stepping up. My thing is when to reveal adult situations to children. Do you that they can only step up to a certain point. I did think parents should tell their kids what’s going on and not go to gangs, but I did do some stupid stuff. The at what age do you tell them? It seems that at any age only reason I am not in jail now is God. I did so the results from this new information may still devasmany things. I stole all the time and I did go to jail tate a child. for a brief, brief stint due to a big fight I got into and the vandalism that happened as a result of that. As “I think its all about tact and truth,” says Vincent. mediocre as it is compared to someone who has done “Have you ever held a secret from someone for whatyears in jail… for me that was a pivotal point in my ever reason and then you tell it? The thing is that there life because I’m thinking, ‘Hold up’… when I was sit- is usually more anger at the fact that you lied than the ting in that jail, I said ‘Hold up, hold up… This man actual information. The information may piss them off that I’ve been so mad at for being in jail and not be- too, but you don’t want them to be pissed at the inforing there for me… who I said I’ll never be like… now mation and the fact that you lied. At least let it be one I’m sitting in a jail cell just like him. Naw, I gotta thing not two things. I think that these parents should rearrange some things. So I did not go to gangs, but be more truthful especially because in this day and age I did a lot of other things that were stupid. But on kids are smarter than they were back in the day. You the real… If I had a father in the home, he probably can’t really fool them anymore. You must use tact. would have checked me ahead of time and I would Don’t say he went to jail because he assaulted somehave never got to that point… that’s what I’m saying.” body. Just say he’s in jail because he did something bad and your dad will be back soon. Tell them that… don’t All mothers of a male child without a father in the tell them he’s in school or a long vacation.” picture need to hear what Vincent is saying because a lot of children will not be able to express it in this Without giving away the book, Vincent did finally meet way. Some children have to hear the truth and grow his biological father and they way they met is an amazup quickly. “Wait”, says Vincent as he stops my ing story as well. From the sound in Vincent‘s voice thought… “I didn’t tell you the crazy part. In grow- you can hear how amazed he is on how God put his faing up I didn’t know he was in jail. My mom… (Here ther back in his life again. It’s definitely a summer read. is another fib that parents tell their children and in “My father and I became very close through all this their mind they think they are doing right by trying and he comes to all my plays and Hollywood is now to put a covering over them I guess.) My mom told looking at making the book a motion picture. My dad me my dad was in school. She was taking me to visit is looking at me as if to say, ‘How is all of this happenhim 2-3 times a week, but I’m thinking he’s in school. ing?’ He’s been great throughout all of this because me I’m a young kid. I’m believing everything my mom is meeting him so late in the game, he could have easily saying. just kept on walking and act like it never happened.
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A lot of guys have said to me, ‘Your dad is amazing because I would have kept on walking.’ My mom did not tell him he had a son. So when the whole thing played out of how we found him, we had to break the news to this man who was in his 50’s that he had a grown son. We had to hit him with that news. He could’ve said, ‘Yeah, right’ and kept on walking, but he stayed and got involved and he’s been involved ever since; so that’s a great man in my eyes.” Just in case it crossed your mind that Vincent’s biological dad stayed involved because Vincent was a superstar author with staged plays and movie deals in the works, it was not the case. “I wasn’t an author then,” says Vincent. “I was a regular guy. I didn’t have nothing going on. I mean I was doing some things, but it wasn’t nowhere near this magnitude. I didn’t even write the book after I found him; so it wasn’t that. And let me be more real with you…this man is doing way better than I am. He is very well off. I’ll say that.” Vincent’s journey on finding his biological father has been an amazing adventure of fulfilling a void that was unexplainable as a young man. He found a piece of the puzzle that has been plaguing young men for years. Now there is some sort of answer to how the male species is designed. Hopefully Vincent’s story will enlighten, heal and inspire young men and fathers around the world. Now that young men and fathers have this information, what should they do with it?
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Vincent replies, “If they have a spiritual foundation, that’s the thing that really held me down when I was wilding out. I didn’t go too far so I would say get your faith in order and whatever you believe in get grounded in that; that is the first thing I would say because it saved my life. Secondly if you don’t have a father, but you have a parent who is there, if you think they are a good role model, cling to that person, be like a sponge and absorb the positive things from them. And thirdly… here is the key… get you a mentor, a positive mentor like the ones at the Boys and Girls club. I went to the Boys and Girls club for many years and that saved my life too because I was around these positive guys all day from 8 to 5 while my mom was at work. I could have been around some other negativity or street stuff so I would get a mentor. A real good mentor is going to lead you in the right direction. They will be able to see when you are going in the wrong direction and stop you to help make that switch in the right direction.” What looked like a set-back for Vincent has become a set-up to motivate and inspire young men and fathers across the country with his story. This is one reason why you cannot look at someone’s life and start judging. Every life on this earth has its own destiny. In order to fulfill the destiny you have to have an experience and go through some things. In the end for some the light shines and enables them to enlighten others. Keep up with Vincent’s journey through social media sites such as Twitter, Face book, Instagram and LinkedIn plus you can find his book, Finding Chris, My Father on Amazon.com
When you go against the design there are consequences and disadvantages.
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