This book is dedicated to Bailey Simone
In 5th grade something happened. I got really into 'pen culture'. I never had cool pens I was at the bottom of my 5th grade social hierarchy
I wrote a poem last week I had to lie about street names I didn't even check beforehand To see if there is a "main st." here Call the cops, I don't care
"End(s)" The only reason I have To continue making music Is to give songs long names Names that won't fit In iTunes or on phone screens Nobody will know how the name ___s ______ ____ ____ ___ ___ ____ fit_ with the music Because I won't tell anyone
This is an open apology A letter to everyone I am sorry. This is something I have to do because if not me, then who? I am so sorry that nobody ever apologizes in movies or TV shows. I am willing to take the heat for this. Please direct all of your bitterness regarding the topic towards me. It is all my fault. I'm sorry Yours truly, Ian
To Kill a Mockingbird but this time, It's an ebook. To Kill a Mockingbird but this time, Someone fixes the stupid fragment sentence that's right in the fkn title of the book. Eg: to kill a mockingbird requires a rubber band and determination To Kill a Mockingbird but this time everybody has to kill 2 mockingbirds or their free trial of the ebook will expire.
To Kill Office Plants Timeout, I still have something to say. The main characters in To Kill a Mockingbird aren't even birds. I don't think any of the characters in any of the novels I read in 9th grade were birds. My English teacher that year was a hippie. You'd think she would have tried to incorporate at least two birds into the ninth grade.
I think I want to end my book now
When I got a purple popsicle instead of a green one, I got upset. The lady at the daycare told me to stop being such a bitch about it with that little rhyme about getting what you get and not throwing a fit. This is for my mom and dad: U get what u get So don't throw a fit Sorry I've always been such a piece of shit (I love you)
One of my happiest memories takes place in a cemetery It was a goodbye. For the past three years, I've been searching for orcas I live in the desert.
I got a ukulele to play for a girl She was special It's a shame the world ended We both died she never heard my song Whatever I probably would have gotten too scared Thanks, apocalypse.
Deadbeat kids; 5 dead ends
Since I stopped drawing, people have stopped asking me to design tattoos for them It is nice I guess. I hope my grandkids hate art too
Sleep Patterns by Merchant Ships
I never ended up getting that book, my friend called me and we went skating under a bridge. I saw a few dogs.
The End
I got a fortune cookie The slip of paper read "This is how Chicken McNuggets are made" I still don't know how they're made. I can just blame it on something Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder Or I could blame it on my parents' divorce. Sorry, Ho-Lo-Ma, I learned nothing from your cookie. It's nobody's fault but my own.
I hated Chinese food when I was a kid. Next page
I used to be an altar boy I've seen a lot of sadness I've been to more funerals Than I can count on my hands They're all the same Sorry I said that.
New drinking game for all you crazy party kids (college, huh?) I'll take a shot of bleach for each time I apologize in this sorry excuse for a book. You're gonna get so drunk off this game, you stupid kids. Fucking idiots, drinking is not cool. Don't be my friend.
A musical adaptation of all the ways I keep fucking up my life... On ice! Come see this show while it's in town Tickets only $5 Or you plus get yourself a footlong from Subway. Have you seen that Jared dude? Apparently he used to be a fire truck but now he fights fires. That's the power of Subway. One day, you're perusing the Big and Tall section of a department store the next, you're body is glistening with spray tan and oil in those calendars with other shirtless firemen.
I'm writing a book On my iPhone 4 This little rectangle
In my hand Why do I keep staring at this rectangle?
Emo should be worshiped Ever heard of emo revival? Isn't the what Jesus did? Rose from the dead? Emo is doing the same Emovangelism (Don't worry, I don't own a bike... Or a white collared shirt)
ya
Sorry.
this is the end of my book‌ forever