New Year Resolutions

Regular readers of the Iceni Magazine may remember my past efforts at New Year Resolutions.

You know, the whole New Year, New Beev thing. For several years I attempted a number of goals, most of them revolving around stepping up my exercise and cutting down on how many calories I shove in my mouth.

I’ve had varying levels of success, from huffing and puffing my way up hills and trying not to look like I was about to collapse, to actually ending up in hospital because I tripped over my own feet. Yes, even they are a liability. And then of course there was the time I tried to exist on an ill-conceived diet of pickled gherkins. Possibly my smelliest idea ever.

Generally, by the middle of the month I am saying “enough”, and shoving a pizza in the oven or pouring a glass of wine to drown my sorrows.

Last year I didn’t bother with resolutions. ‘I will just learn to be happy fat,’ I told myself, forcing my boobs into my bra and trying to ignore the fact the back strap was trying to strangle me.

Unfortunately sitting on your bum all day while you write isn’t conducive to a healthy lifestyle and I had some very tight deadlines last year, which left little time for exercise. And ready meals became my go to, as I was often working late and forgetting I needed dinner.

My new publisher likes videos though and as much as I try to live in blissful ignorance, even I have noticed I have been gaining a new chin with each book release.

Something has to give and if it’s that damn bra strap, all hell is going to break loose. So, my friends, by the time you read this column, I will have completed Dry January. Yes, you read it right. I have been alcohol free for 31 days.

Now normally when I am being deprived of the things I love, I moan A LOT. This time though I decided to just get on with it and hardly anyone knows. And surprisingly, I haven’t found it too tough. Yes there have been a few nights where I have craved a glass of wine, but I have remained strong and even though I am writing this with 9 days to go, I know I am not going to cave.

I do plan on drinking again in February. One of my favourite purchases last year was a drinks cabinet and there are a lot of dusty bottles inside with my name on them. I promise it will be in moderation though.

And for February my sister has persuaded me to do a skipping rope challenge with her. Beev plus big boobs plus lack of balance and coordination. What could possibly go wrong?

My next column might come to you from a hospital bed!

My new book ‘The Sleepover’ is available in kindle, paperback and audio format. The kindle copy can be purchased here