On the Other Side An Interview with Elizabeth Gilbert

PHOTO COURTESY OF ELIZABETH GILBERT

BY ALAN HEATHCOCK

This issue of IdaHome carries the theme of “Find Your Wild”, which fortuitously coincides with author Elizabeth Gilbert (“Eat, Pray, Love;” “Big Magic;” “City of Girls”) visiting Boise as a part of The Cabin’s Readings and Conversations series on May 20th at 8 p.m., at the Morrison Center.

We asked Gilbert about remaining grounded, aging, and cultivating wildness in your life. Here’s what she had to say:

AH: Beyond being a gifted and celebrated writer, you’ve also become a cultural icon. Every writer must negotiate how readers begin to see you as an extension of your work, as opposed to your work being an extension of you as a person, but it seems to me that in your case this would pose a special challenge. I mean, you’re “Elizabeth Gilbert,” who’s inspired so many! How do you remain grounded as Elizabeth Gilbert, the human—the sensitive soul who happens to be an amazing writer? Is it a challenge to remain open and sensitive now that anonymity is harder to come by and expectations follow you wherever you go?

EG: What an open and sensitive question! I will admit that there was a moment back there between 2007-2010 (a time that my friends and I refer to as “peak ‘Eat Pray Love’”) when it was tricky, and often emotionally overwhelming, to navigate the whole “being Elizabeth Gilbert” thing. I got famous so fast, and it felt destabilizing. During that time, I took off almost a year from writing and public speaking because I felt that everything had become a bit too much. Not that I wasn’t grateful, but I didn’t feel grounded at all. My remedy was to spend the year gardening—literally grounding myself in the soil—which brought me back down to the earth itself in a profoundly beautiful way and made me feel like a normal human being again. Things have not gotten that wild or out of control since, in terms of my public persona, and I think I am old enough now—and life has done a good job humbling me often enough—that staying grounded feels easy these days. It helps that I have true love for my readers. I feel like I know them as intimately as they feel like they know me. Perhaps this is delusional on all of our parts, but I would say that there is a mutual humanity and sincerity that flows between us and that helps us all stay connected as real people. at’s very sweet for me.

AH: I love the way you embrace aging. I listened to an interview in which you said that at your current age—the oldest you’ve ever been—you feel as “free as you’ve ever felt.” What do you believe is at the heart of this feeling of freedom? What advice would you give to anyone looking to age into freedom?

EG: Most women DO “age into freedom”—as you put it so well—naturally and as a consequence of the maturing process. The reality is study after study proves that women get happier as they get older—although you would never know it from observing our consumer culture, which makes billions of dollars a year by trying to scare women into thinking that if they aren’t young, or if they don’t look young, they are doomed. But most of us grow into awareness that this is nonsense—and I have never met a 55-year-old woman who would want to live her 20s all over again for any price. We become more emotionally autonomous as we age, and acquiring wisdom is no joke, in terms of life satisfaction. Like many women my age, I have come to love my solitude and to appreciate the mental stability that the years have brought. It’s a beautiful time, the crone years! I’ve spent the past few years exploring Central America—going on road trips and adventures with another single, middle aged woman friend of mine, and it’s awesome. How good it is to finally know what—and who—is worth our time and attention!

Fostering your creativity grows wildness— demanding times of solitude encourages wildness...

AH: The theme of this issue of IdaHome Magazine is “Find Your Wild.” This is meant as a theme of liberation, but this can also feel intimidating to a lot of people. How do you overcome fear/doubt/shame/guilt enough to allow “wildness” into your life? Is “wildness” something to be consciously nurtured? How do you continue to find “wildness” in your life?

EG: My beloved friend, the writer and life coach Martha Beck, is perhaps the biggest expert I know on wildness, and I take great joy in learning from her thoughts on this matter. She said something once that blew my mind—and it is quite radical: If you want to be free, all you have to do is walk away from your family and your culture. Wowza. This doesn’t mean you literally have to never speak to your family members again, or shave your head and move to Nepal—although go for it, sure, if you want to! It merely means questioning and often refusing to comply anymore with the ironclad rules and roles you were taught by your family and your culture—especially if you are a woman. Most of the women I know who are living lives of quiet desperation and suffering from a feeling of being confined in positions that were assigned to them nearly at birth—caregiver, martyr, supportive partner, self-sacrificer. It takes courage to walk away from these often-thankless assignments. It can’t be done overnight, but it can be done. Fostering your creativity grows wildness—demanding times of solitude encourages wildness; detoxing from mass media, social media, and consumer culture demands a spirit of wildness; seeking out your own relationship to spirituality is a wild act; and learning how to say NO is the wildest thing a woman can do. Listen, people won’t like it. You can’t resist cultural and family paradigms without making some people unhappy. There will be consequences. But on the other side of all the shake-ups is a life of ever-expanding freedom, where wildness expands like an opening hand, and where you will no longer feel sick and crazy. As someone on the other side, I can say, in all honesty, it’s worth any cost.