5 minute read
EMBRACING POWER
Elaine Yarbrough and daughter Lindsay Y. Burr, two generations of powerful women. Their book, 'Leading with Power and Authenticity’ is forthcoming. PHOTO COURTESY OF ELAINE YARBROUGH
How Women Can Own Their Strength, Impact, and Influence
BY ELAINE YARBROUGH, PH.D.
Personal power is agency, the willingness and ability to have impact. On yourself (deciding who and how you will be), on your relationships, family, community, and world. When we feel empowered, we are authentic, one of a kind, capable of being in supportive, loving relationships. Many women, however, spurn power. They confuse it with its abuse, domination, and control. Why?
Historically, we have been expected to serve others, behind the scenes, using indirect influence, if at all. We are called aggressive, overbearing, and much worse if we deign to express and go after our passions. In reality, our goals almost always include others, improving families and communities and supporting those in need.
The United Nations finally realized as late as the 1990s that when resources are given directly to women in developing countries, the health and welfare of families and communities improve. When women are at the bargaining table in post-civil war areas, they negotiate for the benefit of the community, not just who gets land and arms. When women are elected to Congress, they focus on human and family issues more than men: child care and protection, family support, and violence against women, for example.
During the pandemic, women global leaders far surpassed their male counterparts in learning about Covid, following scientific regulations, demanding shut-down early—all of which saved many lives. The same was true of states led by women governors.
Women’s leadership supports current, critical needs. Research indicates that some of the most needed qualities in leadership are intellectual stimulation, which men and women apply in equal measure, and five other traits (inspiration, participative decision-making, setting expectations and rewards, people development, and role modeling) which women apply more frequently by huge margins.
Anecdotally, women who own their power are healthier, happier, and live longer.
So how can women identify and access their power?
Start early. Tell your daughters and granddaughters how smart, capable, and beautiful they are. Have them do assignments on women leaders. Take them to lectures by women. Provide appropriate choices for them at an early age. Choosing between food items, curriculum, and more can broaden their world in immeasurable ways.
Seek role models for yourself and others. If you see it, you can be it.
Read women’s history, knowing that many of our accomplishments are omitted from standard books you might encounter. Not until graduate school did I read (and cry) about what the suffragettes had endured for 70 years to get us the vote. Few know actress Hedy Lamarr obtained a patent in 1942 for a frequency hopping technique that is an important development in the field of wireless communications, the basis for cell phones. Cecilia Payne is a forgotten genius of science who discovered the nature of the universe in 1925. Only recently has she been mentioned. African-American women Katherine Johnson, Mary Jackson, and Dorothy Vaughan, spotlighted in “Hidden Figures,” were essential to the success of early spaceflight.
Garner connections. Be around other women who unapologetically go after their passions and help each other in volunteer and professional work.
Seek out mentors, champions, and allies. Mentors tell you the truth about organizations and relationships. Champions open doors for you to achieve. Allies applaud your talents when you are not in the room and connect you to others who can support your goals.
Set boundaries. You do not have to please everyone. Your self-worth is not dependent on all others’ affirmations of you. Decide who is important to you. Who do you want to please? Who pleases you? When you set boundaries, some will be displeased, even in your own family. Do not neglect your own needs to satisfy these people.
Be visible in your communities and organizations. Many women have had the experience of doing a report, only to have their male counterpart assign his name to the document. Claim your work and have the support of others who will help you own your accomplishments.
Remember, constructive power is not limited, not a zero-sum game, and does not have to be at another’s expense. When you know others’ interests and help meet them, you have influence. You may want someone’s support on a project and you can connect them to people they want to know in your network, a win-win.
Let people know your interests and aspirations. They can’t help you if they don’t know you.
Do your personal work. Women have internal barriers (as well as external barriers) that block their aspirations. We need trusted others—friends and professionals—to help us. Clarify what you have internalized about your competency and leadership. What did your family, teachers, media, churches, communities have to say about women?
The real questions to ask are how much value do you place on your own worth and what can you do to claim it?
