RBF by idalea

1R B F

2R B F

Copyright ÂŠ Idalea Cinquemani Queen of Resting Bitch Face Advanced Type Fall 2015 Bebas Nue, Raleway, 09 pt, 12pt leading

3R B F

rbf

4R B F

5R B F

rbf Resting Bitch Face

a person, usually a girl, who naturally looks mean when her face is expressionless, without meaning to. Nah, sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just got a resting bitch face, sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s actually really sweet according to Urban Dictionary

6R B F

01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10

7R B F

I’m Not Mad. That’s Just My RBF.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 09

Resting Bitch Face Syndrome. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

#RBF. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29

The Overthinker’s Guide To Resting Bitchface Syndrome . . . . . . . . . 33

When RBF Is Actually Just Another Word for Social Anxiety. . . . . . . 43

13 Struggles Only Women With RBF Understand. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51

Your Resting D*ck Face Is a Problem. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59

That’s Just How My Face Is. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 5

Why I Love My Bitchy Resting Face. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 1

How To Reverse Bitchy Resting Face Syndrome. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 7

8R B F

9R B F

I’m Not Mad. That’s Just My RBF. Jessica Bennett

10R B F

didn’t think much about it at the time: I was appearing in a short television segment and had quickly brushed my hair, then slapped on some concealer. I figured my glasses would cover the circles under my eyes.

Only later did I behold what I looked like — and it was terrifying. It wasn’t that I was disheveled; it was the actual face that looked back at me in the frozen screen shot. My mouth curled slightly downward, my brows were furrowed, my lips were a little pursed. My eyes aimed forward in a deadpan stare. I looked simultaneously bored, mad and skeptical. I was basically saying to the newscaster: Die. In that moment, I joined the ranks of a tribe of women who suffer from the scourge known as “resting bitch face” or, increasingly, just RBF. If you’re up on your Internet memes, perhaps you’ve heard of its linguistic predecessor: “bitchy resting face,” which emerged from a parody Public Service Announcement. For those who need a review, RBF is a face that, when at ease, is perceived as angry, irritated or simply … expressionless. It’s the kind a person may make when thinking hard about something — or perhaps when they’re not thinking at all.

“Is there a filter on Instagram that fixes Bitchy Resting Face? I’m asking for a friend,” the actress Anna Kendrick tweeted, explaining recently to the late-show host James Corden that, “When somebody takes a photo and I’m in the background of it, I think, like, ‘Oh my God what’s wrong with me?!’ ” Other celebrities caught in serious repose: January Jones, whose “absolutely miserable” face made headlines this month at a ComicCon event; Tyra Banks, who has famously advised women to “smize” (smile with your eyes); Victoria Beckham; Kristen Stewart; and Anna Paquin, who has defined RBF as “you are kind of caught off guard and you’re not smiling, and it means you look really angry all the time, or like you want to kill people.” (Also, in the less-chronicled male RBF category: Kanye.)

11R B F

Now, it’s safe to assume that humans have always made The Face (Doesn’t the Mona Lisa sort of have it?) And it does have its uses. It is great for staring down Greenpeace solicitors on the street, or glaring at men who catcall you on the subway. At a crowded bar, the expression can serve as a kind of armor against unwanted pickup artists (better, as one young woman put it, “than a fake engagement ring”). And, as Tanya Tarr, a 36-year-old professional coach, described it: When engaged correctly, it can part a crowd of tourists on a busy street “like the Red Sea.” But it is also a problem (and, like the word “bitch” itself, one that seems to predominantly affect one-half of the gender equation). RBF is now the topic of multiple “communities” on Facebook, dominated by women. Plastic surgeons say they are fielding a growing number of requests from those who want to surgically correct their “permafrowns” (again, primarily from women). The country star Kacey Musgraves recently helped Buzzfeed create a list of 17 more accurate names for RBF (among them, Resting “this wouldn’t bother you if I was a guy” face). A New Jersey business journal, NJBIZ, even published a special report on the topic. “Yes, we’ve asked ourselves the questions you might be asking yourself right now: What relevance does this have in the workplace? Is this topic sexist? Should we write this story at all?” the publication wrote, noting the seeming absurdity of a business publication tackling RBF. “But, after calling around the state asking more than a dozen C-suite women in multiple industries to weigh in on the subject, we noticed one thing: No one ever scoffed or even asked, ‘ Why would this matter?’ ” Yes, the tyranny of RBF is real.

12R B F

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Is there

a filter on Instagram that fixes Bitchy Resting Face?

13R B F

For Nora Long, a 22-year-old intern at a Florida law firm, the struggle began in kindergarten, when her school’s headmaster summoned her to his office “because he thought I looked unhappy.” “From that day on until he left the school when I was in the seventh grade,” Ms. Long said, “he would say ‘Smile Nora!’ every time he saw me.” Morra Aarons-Mele, a small-business owner in Los Angeles, said she “Botoxed away” her “congenital frown line” so that people would stop asking, “Are you mad?” “Then people were warmer to me — I swear,” she said.Ms. Tarr, after being told by a mentor that her scowl was “setting her back” at work, began taking pictures of her face so she could try to look more cheerful. “I have since trained myself on what my face feels like,” she said. There is some science behind it. Dr. Anthony Youn, a cosmetic surgeon in Detroit, said that as we age, the corners of our mouths droop, causing us to look a little more grumpy — a natural response to gravity and genetics. In mild cases, this has the capacity to make a person look less cheerful when their face is resting. But in “severe cases,” said Dr. Youn, it can cause the face to look “mean, angry, and give people a false perception of what our mood is.” “The mouth tends to denote a lot of expression,” said Dr. Scot Bradley Glasberg, the president of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons. But RBF is not a problem merely of the old. It matters at all ages because, as science has long proved, humans make judgments based on facial cues. Studies have found that people are less likely to find friendly looking faces guilty of crimes; people who look “happy” are generally deemed more trustworthy, too. And yet: men do not experience RBF, at least not by name. “When a man looks stern, or serious, or grumpy, it’s simply the default,” said Rachel Simmons, an author and leadership consultant at Smith College. “We don’t inherently judge the moodiness of a male face. But as women, we are almost expected to put on a smile. So if we don’t, it’s deemed ‘bitchy.’ ” “I like RBF,” Ms. Simmons said. “I think it’s fun to say. I think it can be empowering to own a serious face. But the problem with it lies with the fact that there is no male equivalent.”

14R B F

For many years, studies have determined that women do tend to smile more than men, but not necessarily because they’re happier (in fact, they suffer higher rates of depression). Nancy Henley, a cognitive psychologist, has theorized that women’s frequent smiling stems from their lower social status (she called the smile a “badge of appeasement”). Still others have pointed out that women are more likely to work in the service sector, where smiling is an asset. And yet there is also a kind of ingrained association between women and the friendly face. The phrase “Stop telling women to smile” has become a rallying cry for the movement against street harassment. Studies have found that smiling babies are more likely to be labeled female, while men view serious women as less sexually attractive than those who look friendly (the opposite of how women view men). “One of my biggest pet peeves is when people come up to me in a social setting, where I am having fun, and ask, ‘Are you O.K.?’ ” said Talia Cuddeback, a junior at Barnard who suffers from RBF and wonders why she has to smile all the time just to show she isn’t angry. Meredith Fineman, a 28-year-old founder of a public relations firm in New York, said she has perfected the art of her business smile during meetings “so that I come across authoritative but also accessible,” she said. (“I’m also very careful of not smiling too much,” she said, “as I am often afraid of seeming cloying or ditsy.” Dr. Sherelle Laifer-Narin, a radiology professor at Columbia University Medical Center, said that she has mastered the art of the emphatic smile, which she plasters across her face during staff meetings to avoid the question: “Is everything O.K.?” “During the first lecture of the year for my residents, I make sure to let all the first years know that I don’t bite, just bark, even if my facial expressions might indicate otherwise,” she said. And then there are those who rebuff the concept altogether. ”It doesn’t make me feel like I’m unhappy, un-fun or unpleasant,” said Noelle Wyman, 19, a junior at Columbia. “My RBF makes me feel serious, pensive and reserved, like someone who only engages those who deserve it.” Who has the energy to smile to strangers all day, anyway?

15R B F

16R B F

17R B F

Resting Bitch Face Syndrome Julie Zantopoulos

18R B F

esting Bitch Face Syndrome, or RBFS as some call it, is real and it’s ruining lives! It’s a term that I’ve heard a lot lately but surprisingly a lot of my friends haven’t and that clearly had to change. I’m here to spread awareness about Resting Bitch Syndrome and help you find your way to a cure. There is hope, there is a way out, and The Indie Chicks can help you.

19R B F

what is Resting Bitch Face? Resting Bitch Face Syndrome is when somebody is relaxing, listening to another speak, driving, pushing a grocery cart, or otherwise mellow but their facial expression is semi-murderous. They look annoyed, angry , frustrated, irritated, or pissed. They look like their partner cheated on them, their dog shat on the floor or their kid puked on their boss at a company party when in reality theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re perfectly happy, they just happen to be a victim of Resting Bitch Face Syndrome.

20R B F

Symptoms The signs and symptoms of Resting Bitch Face Syndrome are varied. They can range from “Bitch, step off my man before I cut you” to “I’m PMS’ing and out of chocolate”. This person looks to be relaxing but their face says they’re ready to spring on you like an angry spider monkey and claw your face off. Also possible are arching of eyebrows, frowning, fidgeting and other signs of agitation. Keep in mind that these are just facial expressions. The person isn’t actually angry and chances are you aren’t actually in any danger.

21R B F

contagious Thankfully Resting Bitch Face Syndrome is not contagious but it can prevent people from coming near you when you are around the Resting Bitch Face Syndrome sufferer. In fact, when you are around somebody with Resting Bitch Face Syndrome chances are you will smile more to counteract their angry facial expressions and to try to subconsciously coach them to do the same.

22R B F

side effects Resting Bitch Face Syndrome is not a victimless illness; it will leave a trail of wounded people in its wake. Here are some situational side effects that you can expect to experience if you have Resting Bitch Face Syndrome.

23R B F

Boyfriend Woes Your boyfriend will probably not buy that you aren’t angry with him when you constantly look pissed. This will lead to him asking you if you are okay over and over again. He won’t trust you when you say that nothing is wrong. You’ll get frustrated and eventually you’ll snap and tell him every little thing that annoys you. A blow up will ensue and there goes that relationship all because you have Resting Bitch Face Syndrome.

Kiss Your Friends Goodbye Your bestie may know about your Resting Bitch Face but your new co-worker, gym pals, or dog park buddies certainly don’t. Your Resting Bitch Face says “Go the hell away” and eventually they’re going to stop trying to talk to you and do just that.

His Friends Will Never Like You Do you know what kind of a first impression Resting Bitch Face Syndrome gives off? Not a good one. His friends are already skeptical of the new chick coming in after his totally psycho ex and then in you come with your angry face every time you turn off your saccharine smile.

Dating The problem is that Resting Bitch Face Syndrome pops up when you don’t want it to. For example, out at a bar when you’re trying to meet guys. Resting Bitch Face will kill your chances of hooking up faster than you can say, “I have a 4 cats and enjoy knitting in my free time.” He wants to send you the drink and come over to talk to you but he’s terrified that you’ll open your mouth and tell him that your grandpa just passed away. Resting Bitch Face is a real killer when it comes to meeting people out on the town.

24R B F

The treat ment Luckily there is hope for those with Resting Bitch Face Syndrome. Life doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to be spent scaring people off before you even open your mouth. With a little training and some intervention from your friends you can lead a life of smiles and friendly helloâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s.

25R B F

The Smile Simple, right? Well, yes if you practice a bit. Spend a little time in front of the mirror and practice with small adjustments to your face. You don’t want to have a huge Joker like grin on your face all the time but you can manage to throw a smile in when appropriate. Tip: To look like you mean it try smiling without teeth. Nobody shows teeth all the time. Bonus: Too lazy to actually smile? Invest in bronzer and highlighters and use makeup to make people think you’re smiling by contouring and highlighting the apples of your cheeks.

The Smirk This one doesn’t require quite as much work as the smile. All you have to do is raise one corner of your mouth for heaven’s sake. It says “I’m confident, a little sassy, maybe sarcastic, but certainly not angry.” That’s definitely an improvement of your prior Resting Bitch Face symptoms. Tip: Pretend you are laughing about something in your head (or remembering a steamy make out session) and the smirk takes on a less ‘snarky’ vibe. Bonus: Guys might see this confident smirk as a challenge and all guys love a challenge. Your “go away” instantly turned into a “come hither”.

26R B F

The Thinker Looking lost in thought makes you look like you’re ignoring everyone around you but at least you don’t look angry about it! Rude is a lot easier to forgive than somebody with a murderous resting facial expression. People can usually respect an “aha” think tank moment and give you your space, happily. Tip: Try to consciously relax your face muscles while you “think” or you’ll just look constipated. Bonus: While you may come off as a little distant your boss and coworkers will always think you’re hard at work! Winning.

What’s important to remember is that there is a cure for Resting Bitch Face Syndrome but first you have to recognize the symptoms. Accepting your Resting Bitch Face is the first step to fixing it. If you know somebody who has Resting Bitch Face Syndrome, the key to their happiness may be in you stepping in with an intervention.

27R B F

28R B F

29R B F

03 #RBF

Twitter Accounts

30R B F

If you can get past my #brf. Or is it #rbf? Whichever. I look mad.

I got my #RBF from my dad obviously

I think my mum thinks Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m in a deep depression when really itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just my face #rbf

Pumpkin spice lattes đ&#x;&#x2DC;?đ&#x;&#x17D;&#x192; #rbf

So I feel like if I walk past you and you get any kind of â&#x20AC;&#x153;itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s okay to talk to meâ&#x20AC;? vibe... Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m doing something wrong.#RBF

31R B F

We said â&#x20AC;&#x153;funny faceâ&#x20AC;?.... But it just came off as #RBF

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just how my face looks.â&#x20AC;? - Me at least 18 times a day #rbf

#RBF so bad the professor stops lecture to ask if Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m okay. đ&#x;&#x2DC;&#x;

â&#x20AC;˘everytime Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m workingâ&#x20AC;˘ Someone: why are you mad? Me: Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just my face... đ&#x;&#x2DC;Šđ&#x;&#x2DC;&#x2018; #RBF

I prefer #RBF it conceals the wrinkles around my eyes.

The second I meet someone, they point out the #RBF. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m gonna embrace it. Always.

32R B F

33R B F

The Overthinkerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Guide To Resting Bitchface Syndrome Brandon Gorrell

34R B F

o you’ve woken up this morning with a particularly bad case of RBS. You’re fine though. You got enough sleep, you’ve had a good breakfast, and you’re excited about the thing you’re going to tonight because someone you like will be there and there’s a high probability that you two will have your premiere hook-up. You’re so ‘fine,’ in fact, that you have no idea you have RBS until you’re actually at the thing, later, and someone says to you, in front of a large group, “Hey, man, are you mad or something?” You’re quiet, in general, and you’re not really into this caliber of attention — the kind where the entire group is focused on you like a social laser beam — and so the question immediately pulls you further into yourself. Your first instinct is to punch the motherfucker and yell, “I’m not mad!,” which is problematic, because you actually are upset now, but you weren’t upset before. The question itself made you upset. So now to answer “Everything’s fine, I’m completely fine” will a) be a lie and b) serve as further evidence that you’re hiding that you’re angry. The irony. From here, you have a number of options. But first —

35R B F

THINGS PEOPLE TYPICALLY SAY TO PEOPLE WITH RESTING BITCHFACE SYNDROME “Are you bored?” “Oh I’m sure you just want to get out of here. [Laughs.]” “You’re not having a very fun time, are you?” “Are you mad at me?” “Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t look okay?” “I was intimidated by you when I first met you.” “I thought you hated me for so long.” “Why don’t you try smiling some time?”

36R B F

RESPONSES TO QUERIES ABOUT YOUR BITCHFACE

1. “I’m not mad.” Answering “I’m not mad” can be done to minor effect at best. I don’t recommend it. The reason is that at social gatherings not only are you expected to have a positive facial expression, you’re also expected to say funny things whenever group attention is focused on you. You are supposed to be very happy at parties. You are supposed to affirm people’s idea that you like them and are okay with them. People want to know that you’re on their team at parties. Saying “I’m not mad” is not funny, it’s just an answer. Saying “I’m not mad” with your resting bitch face in flat monotone — slightly defensive, maybe, because you were just put on the spot — does not affirm anyone’s idea that you’re having a fun time. It just affirms that you’re not not having a fun time. People don’t want answers like that. They want to hear a witty remark. Superficial conversation and party dynamics work much better that way. How could you even say “I’m not mad” WITHOUT sounding defensive? I can’t imagine anyone sounding happy, responding “I’m not mad.” What would that sound like? “I’m not mad!” Hm. “I’M NOT MAD!” Still seems defensive. If anything it’s at least nervous sounding. Whatever it sounds like, by saying “I’m not mad,” you automatically position yourself as being called out, I think, and this is the last thing you want to be seen as. Take a deep breath and don’t do it.

37R B F

2. “I wasn’t pissed, it’s just my face. I have resting bitchface syndrome.” Here is probably the most efficient thing to say. You won’t be lying (“I wasn’t pissed” is the truth — you weren’t — and it deftly omits that you are pissed now) and, when “resting bitchface syndrome” elicits laughs and likely changes the subject to RBF — everyone sharing their own accounts of RBF and even feeling proud to identify themselves as the victim of RBF — the asker will most likely lose track of the what might be obvious omission that you weren’t mad but might be mad now because of the question and everything will be all good. And people might be more interested than you, because people tend to laugh at RBF and will think you’re funny for knowing the name of it.

38R B F

DO’S AND DON’TS OF RESTING BITCHFACE SYNDROME

DO DO DO

admit that you have RBS. Stay aware of it, and counteract with positive facial symmetry when possible.

freely discuss your resting bitchface. As written above, it’s funny, and people will be enamored of your ability to introspect and be honest about your personal difficulties.

develop a fake smile and a stock, tested response to queries about your mood that delights and impresses people.

39R B F

DOn’t DOn’t DOn’t

let it go unchecked. People who don’t have RBS don’t believe in RBS — the only thing you can do is conform to their idea of how your face should look.

get defensive about your resting bitchface, because then it won’t be resting bitchface, you’ll just be a bitch.

let people catch you off guard with their shitty questions. Be prepared.

40R B F

TL;DR The ultimate goal of those afflicted by Resting Bitchface Syndrome is to mitigate the effects of being called out for looking angry. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s my opinion that the best way to do this is to simply admit the problem and make light of it.

41R B F

and jesus, try smiling sometime

42R B F

43R B F

When Resting Bitch Face Is Actually Just Another Word for Social Anxiety Ej Dickson

44R B F

or as long as I can remember, people have had a problem with my face. Since I was a teenager, I’ve been told that I always look like I’m angry or displeased about something, even when I’m not. I have been told this by work colleagues. I have been told this by family members. I was told this by my boyfriend, who said that when we first met he didn’t want to talk to me out of fear that I would “bite [his] dick off” if he came near me. For years, I didn’t know why people saw me this way, because it seemed so fundamentally different to how I saw myself. I’d always considered myself a fairly awkward and ungainly person, not some ice princess who made men’s erections wither whenever they walked by. Then I heard about the term “Resting Bitch Face,” and everything fell into place.

I knew exactly what it was, I knew I had it — and I knew exactly why. What “Resting Bitch Face” is really about: Also known as “Bitchy Resting Face,” the condition has taken up residence in our cultural lexicon and been used to describe celebrities such as Kristen Stewart, Anna Paquin and Victoria Beckham. The New York Times recently devoted a trend piece to the phenomenon, describing it thusly: “RBF is a face that, when at ease, is perceived as angry, irritated or simply... expressionless.” The New York Times suggests that the perpetual frown is caused by the gravity that comes with aging. But RBF is arguably more about social convention — and which expressions go against it. The societal expectations of our faces are built into the phenomenon: If you’re not happy-looking and perky, you’re probably a bitch. There’s also a gendered element at play here. Women are under enormous pressure to appear cheery all the time, or else face the harsh consequences in their social and professional lives. In fact, research shows that women feel more pressure to smile than men do, and those who don’t smile often are judged as “less happy, less carefree and less relaxed” as those who do, according to a 1987 study from Mount Holyoke College. Calling out a woman’s RBF is the equivalent of men on the street saying “smile more”: simply another way for “people to police women’s expressions to make them feel like there’s something pathologically wrong with them,” Taylor Orci, creator of the 2013

45R B F

“Bitchy Resting Face” video, which popularized the term, told Mic. Having a Resting Bitch Face goes against our cultural expectations for how women should behave. Which is why, for some of us, it’s deeply connected to anxiety. The darker roots of RBF: From my perspective, my RBF is inextricably linked with my genetic predisposition toward anxiety. I say this because I can pinpoint the exact moment that people kept telling me to smile more, and it was around the time that I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder in my early teens. Seemingly out of nowhere, everyone — parents, teachers, friends — started asking me why I looked “angry” all the time. “You always look like you don’t want to be there,” one teacher told me in a meeting after he gave me a C- in his class. “You seem angry, and it’s turning everyone off.” He was right that I didn’t want to be there, even though I personally liked him and the class. I was just too busy obsessing over whether he and my classmates thought I was stupid and worthless to worry about anything else. Whether my face adequately reflected my appreciation of his syllabus was the last thing on my mind. It ended up being something of a vicious cycle: My facial expressions were in part the result of my anxiety, yet being constantly judged for something I felt I had no control over also fed that anxiety. With every new employer or boyfriend’s parents or mutual friend that I met, I was convinced they would hate me because I came off brusque or disinterested. Often, this would turn out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. “Feeling like your face is wrong is a shameful thing”: At the time, I didn’t realize that there was any relationship at all between my interior state and how other people saw me. It wasn’t until I saw Orci’s video that I could put a name to it and identify what, exactly, my RBF meant: that other people were picking up on my anxiety and interpreting it as coldness, or even meanness. To an extent, I feel like we shouldn’t place the blame on the RBFhaver, but on the society that diagnoses RBF as a problem: We need to adjust our expectations of how women should look all the time, so we’re not disappointed or personally offended when they fall short of them. But it’s hard to express just how tough it is to walk around with the knowledge that how you come off to the world is

46R B F

If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not happy-looking and

47R B F

perky, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re probably a

48R B F

so much different than how you see yourself. There’s the lingering sense that all the tangled feelings of self-loathing in your head are right, that there is something wrong with you that is palpable to everyone around you, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Orci, who suffers from anxiety herself, experienced this firsthand during an acting class, when she read a scene as a girl-next-door type and was told by her director that he had one note for her: “Why so sad?” “It hurt my feelings, because I went home that day feeling like I was wrong, which is different than feeling like something I did was wrong. Something I did wrong is guilt,” she told me. “Feeling like your face is wrong is a shameful thing, and shame can do a lot of harm. Shame makes you hide, it makes you feel like everything’s a secret. It makes you feel like you can’t be your authentic self and be recognized.” Breaking the vicious RBF cycle: I’m not the first person to suggest that RBF can be viewed as a coping mechanism for anxiety. It’s a recurring theme on the secret-sharing website Whisper, as well as numerous other anonymous therapy blogs. “I have also noticed that with many of my socially anxious friends, we all have ‘bitchy resting face’ and I wonder if that is our ‘protection’ from the perceived negativity around us,” one commenter wrote on the e-therapy blog Inner Conflicts. As Susan Whitbourne, a professor of psychological and brain sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, told Mic, in an “interpersonal situation, [Resting Bitch Face] may serve as a defense” for those who suffer from anxiety. “There’s a pattern of expressiveness that’s tied neurologically to emotions in the brain,” she said. “But what you’re talking about seems to be a learned behavior than a reflection of your inner emotional state.” So what’s the fix? Like everything else about anxiety, it’s not an easy one. You could ignore how others see you and focus on the swirling maelstrom inside your head, which will probably result in you spending a lot of time ordering Seamless, playing with your cat and avoiding small talk with the delivery man.

49R B F

Or you can try to change it by smiling a bit more, chatting a bit more and playing the game as you think the world wants you to play it (even though you have no idea what the rules are, and when you smile and laugh and talk in honeyed tones you come off less as a nice person and more like a Scooby Doo villain undercover with the gang). Or, really, you can lean the fuck into it. You can be angry, irritated, the girl who looks like she’ll bite your dick off, because there are not enough women in this world who actively try to terrify men, and maybe if there were, men wouldn’t have the balls to tell us to smile more. Be the woman who doesn’t give a shit what her face looks like and doesn’t care if you do either. Be the girl who’s proud of the fact that men clear her path when she walks down the street. (That’s one distinct advantage of RBF: You rarely, if ever, get catcalled.) Be the girl with the Resting Bitch Face, regardless of whether you’re a Resting Bitch or not. It is my genetic lot to live with anxiety, which means I will probably spend the rest of my life living in some degree of fear, of myself and of others. But one thing I will no longer live in fear of is my own face and its ability to reflect how I am truly feeling at all times. After all, it’s the only face I have.

50R B F

51R B F

13 Struggles Only Women With Resting Bitch Face Understand Stephanie Shi

1 People think you’re always having a bad day. But you’re really just ... going through the day like anybody else.

52R B F

2 People think you hate the world. OK, so you might hate the world sometimes because it can be messed up. But you’re not trying to send the message that you do! Besides, life can be pretty awesome, too.

53R B F

People think nothing makes you happy.

People ask you often if you’re OK.

That’s not true! You like flowers and getting your paycheck and kids! You’re also drawn to mundane things like that wafting cigarette smoke even if you don’t smoke. You’re not hating on the smoker, at least not at the moment.

The concern is sweet, but it’s tiring to keep saying you’re fine and people still don’t believe you.

People tell you to smile more. You just wanna be like, “Hey, you don’t find me telling you what to do with your face! SO SHUT UP.”

54R B F

6 7 People think you’re judging them

It can be a good thing, to make people doubt themselves or think about what they just said. But you’re labeled as the mean one at once. How about “quick-witted” or just ... listening?

People don’t know when you’re serious, joking, or sarcastic. You’re pretty funny and you make people laugh their socks off. But after they laugh, you’re asked if you were joking. Which beats the purpose of a joke most of the time.

55R B F

10 You have to make yourself act extra perky to make a good impression.

People are scared of you, so they don’t want to approach you. They’re afraid you’ll lash out on them the moment they utter a syllable. Where’d that come from?? You’ll drop anything and make time for anybody who needs to vent!

People just don’t know how tiring it is to pretend to be someone you’re not. And they don’t know the pain you feel in your cheeks right now from smiling too big for too long — yep, your cheeks are shaking and twitching. You’re looking good. Not.

People think you’re impolite because you don’t smile, even if you said “please” and “thank you” in a singsong voice.

56R B F

11 12 People think you’re bossy or a snob when you give instructions.

You might have to say every word care-ful-ly, like so. Which sucks ‘cause who’s going to take you seriously now?

When you are angry or sad, people think it’s nothing new, so they don’t care. That’s not fair. You’re not always angry or sad. You really need some people to empathize right now. : (

You’re actually the one being judged. So much for people thinking you’re judging them. They’re actually the ones judging you! Guess the joke’s on you?

57R B F

58R B F

59R B F

Your Resting Bitch D*ck Face Is a Problem Gretchen Kelly

60R B F

uys, we need to talk. As a friend and an ally, I feel it’s only right that I bring this to your attention. I want to help you be a better you. I want to make you aware of a problem. It’s your Resting Dick Face.

I’m sorry. Somebody had to say it. I’m not saying you’re the male Kristen Stewart, but your RDF is putting out some serious vibes and sometimes that makes the rest of us feel... icky. It’s the face you make when you’re lost in thought. Or concentrating on a task. Or not thinking about anything in particular. Seriously, what are you thinking about right now? I’m sure you probably aren’t really a dick. I mean, I know a lot of you and most of you are super cool and probably never dickish at all. But your face? Your face is telling another story. Your face is saying “eff you” while your heart might be saying “A grilled cheese sounds good right about now.” See, you don’t even know you’re doing it! I’ve seen you break RDF to wave and smile or to engage in pleasant conversation. But mostly? You look like a dick. I’m not judging you for the way you look. You can’t help the way your face naturally settles into RDF when you’re lost in thought. I get it. It’s exhausting to have to be aware, constantly aware, of how you look. It’s a tiresome 24-hour-a-day job. But people are watching you. They’re judging how you look.Mowing your grass and thinking about the beer you’re going to enjoy after? Dick face. Driving your car and thinking about the meeting you had with your boss? Dick face. Cleaning up dog shit in the front yard? Dick face. You do it all the time. And I am going to say this as gently as I can. It’s not attractive. You aren’t doing yourself any favors with that sourpuss expression. You really should smile more. Consider this: attractive, desirable, successful men do not walk around scowling and frowning, sending small children to clutch their mom’s yoga pants in fear. They aren’t Ubering home from happy hour, their face void of expression. No. They flash their “I have a great dental plan” smile and they wink knowingly. Even if they aren’t the smiley-flashy type, they still manage to avoid RDF. Their mouth may be all business but their eyes are saying “Dance with me.” And if

61R B F

Mowing your grass and thinking about the beer youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to enjoy after?

Driving your car and thinking about the meeting you had with your boss?

Cleaning up dog shit in the front yard?

62R B F

Tell those haters: they can

suck... they’re really hot, their eyes are saying that in a thick Latin accent. You may need to practice. Who knows how long you’ve been putting RDF out there for the world to see? This is going to take some reconditioning. Stand in front of the mirror and experiment with different facial expressions. Practice your smize. It will feel unnatural at first, but keep working on it. Take selfies as you try on different looks. Who cares if you have better things to do with your time? These are your looks we are talking about! I’m just trying to help you avoid that awkward moment when some woman blames your RDF on low sperm count. I know, I know. Sometimes you just want to be you and not be judged for a hot minute about how you look. Sometimes you just want to be able to be lost in thought. Left to ponder and think without worrying that someone is watching and judging and making assumptions... But this is the thing. It makes women very nervous when you get all “think-y” on us. We are much more comfortable with you in your Alpha-Male-testosterone-fueled protective mode. Or in your “oh my god, I want you so bad” consumed with desire mode. Those are familiar. They’re comfortable to us. They make us feel good about

63R B F

ourselves. And isn’t that what really matters? All of that serious thinking makes us nervous. Makes us think you’re up to something. So even if you’re deep in thought, just give us a smile, a wink, a sexy sideways glance. We’ll be so swept up in your masculine pheremones that we’ll forgive the RDF we caught a glimpse of earlier. Sorry if this was a little harsh. Better you hear it from me than from some creepy woman catcalling you on the street. And I don’t want to pile on. It’s bad enough that everyone’s been all up in your “dad bod.” You’re getting flack for developing a beer gut and having the body that naturally happens when you drink copious amounts of beer and eat pounds of chicken wings. It’s not fair that you would be judged and shamed for a littly healthy roundness and be compared to Seth Rogen and Adam Sandler. Eat that hot dog and drink that beer with pride, my friend. Tell those haters they can suck... Wait... what? You mean people are celebrating the dad bod? You mean college girls are writing essays rhapsodising over your burgeoning belly? Let me get this straight. Dad bod puts you in the D.I.L.F. category? The term dad bod isn’t met with looks of disgust and calls for you to throw on a t-shirt and cover that shit up? *Clenches jaw, spews profanity laced rant. Succumbs to Resting Bitch Face.*

64R B F

65R B F

Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Just How My Face Is Zahra Barnes

66R B F

Are you

OK? You look so

MAD!

67R B F

eople ask me this all. the. time. Even when I’m out at a bar having the time of my life. Ever since I was young, the “Why so sad?” questions have plagued me like I’m a furiously countenanced version of The Joker. My resting bitchface is as much a part of me as my incessant crush on John Luther—let me heal your tender, wounded heart!—and my undying devotion to anything that marries caramel with chocolate. I make my way through the world, at times irate, at times euphoric, at times zoning out because I’m contemplating the unfair question, Why are there not actually two Armie Hammers in real life? No matter what I’m thinking, when my face rests, I look put-out. It’s not a full-on furrowed brow, but more of a flatline mouth accompanied by a very focused gaze. Some people interpret it as seething—others as melancholy. Some also think of it as intriguing, but for years, I was blind to that. The way I saw it, my resting bitchface made me less attractive. This wasn’t a problem growing up. I went to a tiny, Catholic, allgirls school from the age of seven to 18. It’s still one of my favorite places in the world, and those girls knew me so well my potentially intimidating face never fazed them. You know how sometimes people say, “If you keep making that face, it’ll get stuck like that?” If that were true, it would be so easy to blame the demonic period in my teenage years for my perpetually pissed-off face. I suspect it’s much simpler than that—the musculature that makes up my face fall. So maybe there’s nothing I can do–but it doesn’t mean I didn’t try. I met my best friend during my second year of college. Everyone adored her, and with good reason. She has a whole host of excellent qualities that would obliterate the word count of this piece if I tried to list them. The fascinating thing about us is that on the surface, we’re opposites. Her sunny disposition and ever-present beam make people want to know her, draw her closer, drink her in. People don’t feel that way with me. Sure, I had friends, but meeting people and actually being able to track how I was winning them over with every smile? Not quite. This was in the middle of my early onset quarterlife crisis, when I was struggling to figure out who I was in college, as one does. I was fascinated by how people reacted to her aura as if it made her even more beautiful, and then I realized it definitely did

68R B F

(and does still). It translates into some sort of openness to the world that’s so alluring. Bitchface does the opposite of that. Not only are people not drawn to it, it made me feel less attractive. Unless I was breaking out into a smile, people were wary of me. It doesn’t matter that science shows that face-ism, or judging a person’s personality based on their facial appearance, is a (potentially dangerous) thing. Expressions can be misleading, but it’s just human nature to interpret them at will. So, I put my bitchface on pause. I tried the vivacious, ceaselessly happy 24/7 thing on for size. I was over intimidating interested guys, and even worse, my bitchface didn’t terrify the people I actually wanted it to. I’m more than happy for women whose don’t-messwith-me glares fend off cat-callers. For me, the combination of my bitchface and my race meant a lot of men felt entitled to tell me I should paste on a smile, overjoyed that they thought I was pretty enough to be noticed. What was the point of my bitchface if it couldn’t even fend off losers like that? So I plastered a smile onto my face until my cheeks hurt, pushing myself to exude some of that sparkle. It was a total and utter failure. People could tell I wasn’t being real, drawing accusations of fakery. I abandoned ship quickly. Then I quit pretending. I fully embraced my resting bitchface, and it’s here to stay. Hiding my bitchface had also buried a part of my personality—the one who knows playfulness is at the core of her deadpan answers to guys at bars, the one who puts on a Southern accent and lies to see if men can go along, the mischievous one who gets her jollies in a way that reaches much deeper than the surface. And if someone can’t look past my bitchface for even a second and consider that, no I’m not actually a horrific bitch, then I don’t know that their opinions matter to me. No, I’ll never be the bubbly type who is always wearing a smile that broadcasts her good humor. Forget that “the eyes are the window to the soul”—my entire face is. It says I’m teeming with sassiness, ready to come up with a razor-sharp comeback in one second and prepared to listen, truly and deeply, to your latest romantic dilemma the next. I really wouldn’t have it any other way.

69R B F

70R B F

71R B F

Why I Love My Bitchy Resting Face Kristine Gutierrez

72R B F

long with millions of other women, I suffer from an unfortunate, incurable condition. Living with it means that even though 97% of the time, I am not sad, angry, menopausal, or constipated, my face sends out a noticeable F-U-C-K-Y-O-U vibe. Yes, I have Chronic Bitch Face, and as a result, strangers think I’m a sad, rude crone. How do I know? They’ve told me this to my bitch face. I thought I was all alone in my plight until Taylor Orci created a PSA back in May about Bitchy Resting Face and the corresponding Asshole Resting Face for guys. It showed that having a bitch face is normal and natural for women. But more importantly, it informed the masses that women with bitchy resting face aren’t necessarily bitches, they just don’t tend to fucking smile all the time. But despite the increased public awareness of bitch face, it’s still tough for women to get away with not grinning constantly. Slate just wrestled through the “tyranny of the smile,” citing several studies that indicate that a smile is almost an extension of femininity and sexual identification. In one study that the article cited, volunteers had to face a series of babies and their little expressions: many of the people thought that the smiling babies were female, but the non-smiling babies were male. Other than revealing that babies are incompetent in adopting gender constructs, this study indicates that people have internalized the idea of smiling as a naturally feminine trait that eventually becomes a societal expectation. Lucky-ass men, on the other hand, get to be more selective and rare with their emotions. If a man doesn’t smile, it’s no big deal. They’re just being men, you know. So here we are, as a society, collectively expecting women of all ages are to smile, and if they aren’t smiling, we’re incorrectly assuming that something is amiss and they must be bitches. Or mutants. (This notion locks arms and skips down the street with the idea that women should always be nice, a standard that, as I noted previously, keeps women from being themselves.) No one - especially a stranger - has any fucking right to question my state of constipation or anger on the street because I lack the happiness requisite for proper woman-ing. I should not have to pay my toll for existence in public a gadzillion smiles so I can walk

73R B F

Living with it means that even though 97% of the time, I am not sad, angry, menopausal, or constipated, my face sends out a noticeable

f-u-c-k y-o-u vibe

74R B F

around without shocking commoners who believe that they need to be cheered up by my femininity. It is not my responsibility to be everyone’s sunshine. I am my own human being and I deserve to dictate my own emotions and facial expressions. I do not owe anyone a smile. I am not naturally smiling. I have a bitch face. Despite the reception it sometimes gets, I’ve grown to love my bitch face. And you should, too. Here’s why.

My Bitch Face prevents me from looking like a

DELUSIONAL MURDERER. Seriously, guys, I might look like a bitch when I’m not making a facial expression, but if I were constantly smiling, I’d look like I should probably be carrying a bloody axe, too. Imagine me sitting in on a lecture on genocide or calculus, grinning ear to ear like fucking Pennywise the clown. WOULD THAT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER? If you expect me to express a theatrical level of joyful glee by walking down the streets, visting a museum or getting serviced (do you really want me to smile like maniac?) then you are a weirdo.

My Bitch Face Connects Me With My True Emotions What makes a smile special is its authenticity: it is literally a product of happiness and joy. But society’s expectation of the female smile has in some cases, ruined the smile. From Slate:In Why Smile?, LaFrance discusses the psychological dissonance female flight attendants experience after hours of forced gaiety. They report feeling estranged from their emotions (the industry parlance for this

75R B F

state of numbness is “going robot”), falling into depression, losing sight of their true selves. And even if a smiler succeeds in dodging such traumas, she still has to contend with the judgments her expression invites, which are not always positive.

WE ARE NOT SMILING ROBOTS. If I am unhappy, pissed or simply walking down the street, should I smile? Wouldn’t that be terribly misleading? Wouldn’t that be... fake? Yes, it would. I have walked down the street wearing a massive smile before for very authentic reasons (daydreaming about Bradley Cooper), but otherwise, I don’t understand why I should don a pleasant smile so society can avoid getting their dick in a knot over seeing a woman experiencing a neutral emotion.

It’s My Bitch Face I really, really love my bitch face. It is ultimately, my face, bitch or not. I do not fear being looked upon as a bitch - although everyone looks away with terror when my face does its bitch thing - because I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be called a bitch, and I REALLY don’t think it’s a bad thing to walk down looking a like a bad bitch. Strangers have asked me “why are you so mad?” or told me “don’t be so mad!” - and I’ve tried to placate them, to exert an extra effort to assure these strangers that I’m just fine. But lately, I’ve realized that I kind of like walking around as if I own this fucking city. I like my fast strut and looking like I have places to go because I usually do. I like looking determined and focused and if bitch is a consequence of this mindset then I’m fine with that. Now, when people call me a bitch for my bitch face, it makes me happy. And it should make you happy, too.

76R B F

77R B F

How To Reverse Bitchy Resting Face Syndrome Julie Schott

78R B F

’m sorry, am I boring you? Shall I finish there? says makeup pro Lucia Pieroni, focusing her gaze on me from the center of a backstage reporter huddle. It’s New York Fashion Week, and hair and makeup artists are tired of reciting “the look.” Everyone could use another coffee or a holiday, maybe some Prozac. But not me. I’ve waited a lifetime (or at least some very angsty teen years) for a backstage pass. Far from disinterested, I’m giddy with rookie excitement, although you wouldn’t know it from my lifeless expression. “I’m not bored at all! Not at all!” I stammer. But it’s too late. Pieroni has already decided I’m a dud. Had we been in Moscow, where grinning is generally considered a sign of weakness, or even in Paris, where no one is trained to punctuate one’s speech with a smile, perhaps my face wouldn’t have caught Pieroni’s eye. Like reigning ice queen Victoria Beckham and her disciples Kristen Stewart and Rooney Mara, I may as well have a DO NOT DISTURB sign hanging from my neck. But in the United States, a friendly, easy smile is almost mandatory. From an early age, my sour expression has gotten me into trouble. In middle school, my principal complained that I didn’t register appropriate dismay when he called me into his office for wearing a midriff-baring top. My ninth grade English teacher reported that I seemed disengaged in class. He took my listening face for a total lack of interest, when, in fact, English was one of the only classes that I liked.

When comedian Taylor Orci’s “Bitchy Resting Face” video went viral last year, my inbox filled—predictably—with e-mails subject-lined “This is you!” Orci’s PSA parody asks: “Do you know someone with a bitchy face?” As the symptoms play out, one sufferer upsets her boyfriend with a single glance. Another offends a sales associate with an expressionless “Thank you.” Another inadvertently declines a wedding proposal. It’s true: Even when minding my own business, thinking pleasant thoughts—nice view, cute dog, cute boy, good coffee—my eyes do not crease. The corners of my mouth do not turn up. Instead of broadcasting positive feelings, I remain pokerfaced. According to Eric Finzi, MD, author of The Face of Emotion, some people are simply born with faces that are less expressive than others. A 2006 study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that those who are congenitally blind often demonstrate similar expressions to their sighted relatives,

79R B F

which means that facial movements are somewhat hereditary. But according to Finzi, that doesn’t mean that I can’t deliberately change my resting facial expression. “You can make a conscious decision to smile more,” he says. But I’m conflicted about the idea of altering my natural expression to appear more inviting. I’ve always thought that a rude face that masks a positive attitude has its own unique allure. Hollywood casting director Billy Hopkins, who tapped teenage Kristen Stewart for the movie Speak, agrees. “If someone has a pouty look or a down mouth, then they should use that, but be nice. That juxtaposition can be sort of sexy.” And in public settings, a serious face has its advantages: Subway crazies keep their distance. Cabdrivers rarely strike up a conversation. Strangers aren’t interested in small talk. Plus, at 5’5” and with the build of someone who will always ride in the middle seat of a crowded car, I have to overcompensate to communicate authority. A new doctor, upon learning my occupation, recently asked how I landed a “big-girl job.” He had come recommended by a colleague, so I went out of my way to be friendly, but had my bitch guard been turned up all the way, he might have thought it—but wouldn’t have said it. So where does bitch face create a roadblock that makes me want to change? In the world of dating, where availability and interest— easily communicated with a flirtatious grin—trump aloofness every time. “People make social judgments about others generally within about 100 milliseconds of viewing a face,” says Megan L. Willis, PhD, an author of the study “Judging Approachability on the Face of It,” published by the American Psychological Association in 2011. According to findings from the University of York, openness is most often associated with the expression of the mouth, and, unsurprisingly, a smile-shape mouth ranks as more inviting than a neutral or frown-shape pout. Lips play a specific role in approachability as well. “The small parting of the lip, the relaxation of the muscles, that alone conveys warmth,” says Joe Navarro, a former FBI agent and the author of body-language book What Every BODY Is Saying. “That’s why when you’re dating and you’re sitting across from someone, you see the relaxed muscles, the lips are going to be fuller.” I practice the smile on a date with someone I’ve just started seeing.

80R B F

That juxtaposition can be sort of

sexy

81R B F

We’re sitting outside a bar in Brooklyn, side by side. He’s smoking a cigarette; I’m not. He’s telling a story, and I’m listening, all the while trying to look inviting, engaged, and, of course, approachable. I relax my mouth and let the corners turn up. “Julie’s drunk,” he says playfully. (In fact, I’ve barely touched my drink.) “I’m wasted,” I agree sarcastically, laughing it off. According to Navarro, another option, even if I don’t crack a smile, is to start tilting my head slightly. “At just four weeks old, babies will smile when their mother tilts her head at them,” he says. “We see it in courtship behavior. When both people have their heads slightly popped to the side, this translates to ‘I’m so comfortable with you, I’m exposing to you the weakest part of my body.’” This strikes me as the Valley Girl accent of body language—a ditzy affectation—but it’s easy enough to incorporate into daily interactions. I order juice with my head to one side, and I’m met with a pleasant “How’s your morning going so far?” from the server. My morning isn’t bad at all, and I tell him so. “Try this,” he says, sliding me a free juice shot. “Pretty good, right?” Next up, we focus on eye contact. When it comes to creating an appealing gaze, Navarro asserts that the most inviting eyes are fully open and yet relaxed, rather than squinted—the Clint Eastwood effect—which can be perceived as negative. “When you see a man who’s interesting, wanting that person to come to you requires soft eye contact,” Navarro says. If all goes as planned and Interesting Man comes over and strikes up a conversation, Navarro suggests adopting what sounds like a Ferris wheel of eye contact. “When we look at people we are interested in, we shift between the eyes, mouth, and chin. We go round and round, scanning, because we are looking for ever more information.” To recap: A full pout signals warmth. A tilted head says, “Talk to me.” Open eyes communicate ease. So where does makeup come in? Can a slick of plumping gloss and a coat of eye-opening mascara help me look like a nicer person? According to makeup artist Rebecca Restrepo, who keeps Kelly Ripa looking perennially sunny on the red carpet, the key components of an approachable face are bright eyes and, somewhat unexpectedly, the right eyebrows. “It’s about having a soft arch, not about having a heavy arch or a really dark brow,” Restrepo says. “Brows should curve at the end, at that

82R B F

last quarter, so that they lift the face and make the face look more open.” It’s worth mentioning that I could stunt double for Joe Jonas. In an attempt to soften my strong, black eyebrows, I swap brow pencil for clear gel, combing up and out. With brushed brows, I appear nicer, softer, and instantly more benign. It’s a look, but not my own, and maybe that’s okay for now. “When I first started as an FBI agent, I was scared a lot, but you had to fake it and look like you’re fearless,” Navarro says. “While you begin to incorporate that into yourself, literally rewiring your thinking, then other people perceive you as fearless.” Or, in my case, friendly.

83R B F

84R B F