Single and Looking to Relocate? This Is for You!

by Jan Cullinane

Single, unmarried, never married, solo agers, divorced, widowed, elder orphans, unpartnered, or "conscious uncoupling" (the phrase Gwyneth Paltrow made famous when she and Chris Martin ended their relationship), there are many ways to describe variations of this huge, powerful, growing, and (frankly) often neglected demographic. The numbers are quite telling. According to the Census Bureau (2021):

• Almost half of all adults (48.2%) are single

• More than 45 percent of adults in their 50s and 60s are single

• 37 million American adults (28.5%) live alone

These percentages continue to increase among this influential group. According to researchers, the rise in singles is a combination of factors, including not “needing” or “wanting” a spouse, women becoming more financially confident, the shrinking wage gap between women and men, couples not willing to remain in an unsatisfying or unhealthy relationship, longer lifespans, marrying later, divorcing more often, or simply preferring to be single. I call the rise in the numbers of singles a consequence of “The Five Ds”: Death of a spouse, Divorce, Delayed marriage, Dumped (or doing the dumping), and/or simply Don’t want to be married.

Relocation

Traditionally, the typical trajectory for single adults was to move to a city, where they would often rent and search for other singles. But, that model is changing. According to the National Association of Realtors, singles now comprise 28% of all home buyers (19% are single women, and 9% are single men).

Singles want to live in a community with lots of amenities, an environment that makes it just about impossible NOT to be active physically and mentally, to be involved, to be social, to meet others, and to grow as a person. With homeowners invested financially, socially, and emotionally in a community, residents tend to age in place and create life-long relationships.

As proof, take a look at some of the older planned communities. Ones that were formed in the early 1980s, for example, now have an average resident age in the 70s, a testament to the success of living in a well-designed community with desirable amenities and a mixture of housing styles that fit a variety of budgets. People want to age in place, so I suggest you consider a community that is still growing, so you can “mature” along with the community and the residents.

Singles, particularly single women, are often attracted by the safety and security of planned communities, as they are often gated and frequently have security personnel and neighborhood patrols for added peace of mind. Most planned communities with a Homeowner Association (HOA) have guidelines to ensure an attractive neighborhood by providing architectural guidelines, landscaping requirements, and rules that might preclude, for example, boats or RVs parked in driveways.

A huge draw of planned communities is the abundance of activities, including pickleball, tennis, golf, pools, biking/hiking/ walking paths, book clubs, arranged outings, gyms, restaurants, exercise classes, guest speakers, etc. Often, all you have to do is show up and/or sign up, because there is often an activity director coordinating the options. This makes it easy to be and stay active—and to participate and meet others—whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert.

On a personal note, I live (and work remotely) in this kind of community and have done so for more than 15 years: I play tennis, ride my bike/walk on our inviting paths, use the community pools (as well as my own), belong to the book club, participate on a number of club committees, and also volunteer in the larger community.

Older singles should also consider a planned community. As the number of singles increases over time, those who become newly single often look to create new friendships as their social circle changes. Or, for both companionship and cost-effectiveness, share a residence with someone like Kevin does with his divorced brother, Regina does with her sister, and Joanne does with a life-long friend from college.

“Where you live affects how you live” may be the tagline of Ideal-LIVING, but it’s more than just that. The National Institute on Aging equates the effects of loneliness to smoking 15 cigarettes a day and potentially shortening one’s lifespan by up to 15 years.

When considering relocating, in addition to evaluating factors like climate, cost of living, taxes, availability of health care, proximity to airports, shopping, etc., consider opportunities for “connecting.” And, of course, if you have like-minded friends and/or family, the more, the merrier,so bring them with you! Below are examples of four singles and how they discovered their home. As is usually the case, you’ll see that each person’s story is different.

Jerry’s Story

Jerry Wojciewhowski is in his early 60s, a father of two, and has been divorced for more than two decades. He was living in LaSalle, IL, and decided to accompany his brother and sister-in-law on their quest to relocate.

One of the targeted communities on their “list” was St. James Plantation in Southport, NC. When they drove into the community, Jerry had a sudden, strong feeling: “I could live here!”

He was particularly impressed by the golf courses and the beach club on the ocean and purchased a townhome with a FROG (“finished room over the garage”) that fit his living needs perfectly.

He has already joined the Polish Club and Bikers’ Club, and notes there’s even a Singles’ Club—just a few of the more than 100 clubs offered at St. James. Jerry’s brother and his wife purchased a lot in St. James and will build a home.

Jerry feels welcome in spite of only living in St. James for a few months, and his active lifestyle led him to meet—and start dating— a woman he met on the beach. As a single man, Jerry is active, involved, feels welcome, has a social support system, and is happy he made the move to St. James.

Betsy’s Story

Betsy Willy is a doer! Originally from Pennsylvania Dutch Country, Betsy attended college in Connecticut and graduate school in Michigan. She worked as a physical therapist, and her husband was a physician. They relocated several times over the years, and when her spouse passed away and her kids were “off the payroll,” Betsy decided to return to Montrose, CO, where her husband had established a private practice early in his career.

Betsy loved Montrose’s smalltown atmosphere, the weather, its scenic beauty, hiking trails, photography opportunities, and being surrounded by nature. Betsy points out that she’d rather “live outdoors than indoors.”

New to Betsy when she returned to Montrose was Cobble Creek, which she refers to as a “community, not a development.” And that phrase, she says, applies to whether you’re a couple or a single.

In her 70s, Betsy is now fully involved in her community, taking up golf for the first time and creating close friendships through club activities like card games, book club, exercise classes, the fitness center, and holiday events. Community members take initiative, creating the “Angel Tree” project that has, for a number of years, provided Christmas gifts for more than 300 children in the greater Montrose community through referrals by community agencies, as well as instituting an “adopt a garden” initiative.

Betsy and some of her new-found single friends created a “Good Time Gals” social group, currently comprised of 38 members who rotate monthly potluck get-togethers in their homes with an average of 18 to 20 women in attendance. She also serves on the Board of Directors for The Club at Cobble Creek.

Connections, support, friendship, giving back, being active, surrounding yourself with beauty, and trying to “live outdoors” as much as possible … these are Betsy’s secrets for a vital, healthy life. As a single woman, Betsy built up a strong support system at Cobble Creek and feels she has found her “forever home.”

Kathi’s Story

There’s a famous book by Thomas Wolf called You Can’t Go Home Again. Kathi Williams might take issue with the title of that book, however.

Originally from the Pacific Northwest, Kathi and her husband, both avid golfers, were attracted to Port Ludlow, WA, and were “blown away” by its beauty, the ease of meeting people, and the endless activities. Over the ensuing years, her husband’s apparel industry job necessitated moving to locations outside of Washington State. However, in 2003, her husband passed away, and Kathi moved to Seattle, where she worked for a real estate/ investment company. She loved her job and retired in 2019.

Around 2015, while still working, Kathi started thinking about where she ultimately wanted to live. She reflected on how her friends in Port Ludlow had “never let go” of her, keeping in touch and visiting throughout the years. Kathi considered the many positives of living in Port Ludlow: it was scenic, safe, and easy; the HOA maintained the upkeep and integrity of the community; and there were many opportunities to stay active and involved, including golf, pickleball, biking, kayaking, sailing, book club, arts and crafts, quilting, and knitting.

With the support of her strong, still-intact social group, she moved back to Port Ludlow, purchasing a condo on the water. So, yes, as a single woman, Kathi found you CAN go home again, and she has done just that.

Mindy’s Story

Mindy Delcher and her husband relocated from Pennsylvania to Flowers Plantation in Clayton, just outside of Raleigh, NC, so they could live closer to their son and his family. They enjoyed living in their Flowers Plantation home, along with the community’s many amenities and proximity to Raleigh.

When her husband passed away about two years ago, Mindy decided she no longer wanted to maintain her two-story home and large, heavily treed yard. She decided to stay within the Flowers Plantation area, though, in order to remain close to family, so she relocated to a 55+ neighborhood within the community about four and a half miles away from her previous residence. She made the move several months ago, and loves her single-level home with its smaller, maintained lot.

Mindy cherishes and maintains the friendships she made in her former neighborhood in Flowers Plantation. And, the resident-run social committee in her new community enables her to easily meet new people.

Mindy points out that there are lots of recreational and educational opportunities, as well as beautiful walking trails, but it’s really the people who make a place special. In fact, it’s how she was introduced to the man she is now dating—through a “Table for Six” get-together of dinner and conversation organized by her new neighbors. Mindy’s community fits her active lifestyle and is filled with friendship and support.

The number of singles is on the upswing, and the trend of singles purchasing homes in planned communities is expected to continue and accelerate. As mentioned at the beginning of this article, more than 45% of Americans in their 50s and 60s are single. There’s a solid case to consider a planned community when relocating. Jerry, Betsy, Kathi, and Mindy would agree. Different stories, but a common theme: people who relocate are looking for connectivity, activity, security, and livability. Planned communities nicely fit the bill.

Jan Cullinane is an award-winning retirement author, speaker, and consultant. Her current book is The New Retirement: The Ultimate Guide to the Rest of Your Life, 3rd edition (Wiley, 2022).