Compromising in a Relationship

WHEN DOES A LITTLE BIT TURN INTO TOO MUCH?

by Elhusseni Fekry

When you get into a relationship, you can almost hear everyone around you joking that your life as you know it is over. What they might really mean is; get ready for a series of long, consequent compromises in order to make your relationship work. Like it or not, you have to make the necessary effort to always make things work. While most of us find it irritating to have to make changes to work around our partners’ routines, it is still worth doing.

Why Do People Compromise in General? Whether we try to gain advantages or try to please the people we love, we sometimes have to let some things go. We compromise because we want life to go on. We are also afraid to cause distress to our families and loved ones.

Some people, naturally, are very good and strategic when it comes to compromising. Others, on the other hand, just compromise for the sake of pleasing their friends and family. Whatever are our reasons to compromise, it seems to be a necessity of life.

How Do People Compromise In Relationships? When someone else is in the picture, every decision runs by two people—even more, if engagement or marriage is looming over the horizon. For example, if you are the outgoing, party-animal type, you will have to compromise to spend more quality time with your partner. And trust me, if you’re both party animals, one of you will be the buzzkill and start demanding some quality time; it’s basic human nature. We want to feel special in the lives of our significant others.

On the other hand, if you are the lone-wolf type, you will also face the same problem, only mirrored. Spending time with your significant other shouldn’t feel like a daunting chore, but if you prefer quiet, alone time, it can start to feel like one after being drained by too many social events, especially if your boyfriend/ girlfriend is an extrovert.

No matter how similar you are to your partner, you are bound to be attracted to traits that are different, just like a magnet; it’s just science. Compromise can appear subtly in the form of gentle requests from your partner to cut down your time at work or with your friends to be with them. Or it can be blunt as in unnecessary jealousy or forcing you to make choices that are irrational and destructive to your life and your feeling of self-fulfillment.

Bit by bit, you will find that you are slowly changing your habits and routine. It can feel illogical to you—and most of the time, you would be right, but you are still willing to let this one slide for the sake of making the relationship continue.

Every relationship will reach a moment of truth where choices have to be made. This point, let’s call it the critical point, can shape how the relationship goes from now on.

Should You Compromise? This depends on many factors. But simply put, if it’s mutual, yes. You should compromise and appreciate

your partner’s efforts. In a way, returning the favour. And I know what you are thinking; that love should be unconditional.

Think of it as a tree. You can’t just plant a seed in the soil and hope for it to grow. It needs nurturing, watering, and most importantly, it needs to for you to compromise.

You owe nothing to anyone. In return, no one owes you anything. It’s all about the mutual effort and faith you place in each other. For this affection to become unconditional, it has to meet up all the conditions that make you reach the point of knowing that your partner will always want the best for you. That’s when the plant will flourish, and only then your compromise will show its promise.

If Your Partner Isn’t Compromising, Is This a Red flag? Yes! If there is something you really prefer they would compromise in order to improve your relationship, then they should. However, one of the things that destroys relationships is pettiness. Don’t just go asking for things for the sake of wanting to have this compromise in return for something you agreed on, or just to prove a point. Having an ego in a healthy proportion is good. Healthy proportion being the keyword.

When Should You Stop Compromising? If you feel that you are being taken for granted, if you feel that your effort and the extra miles you go are not appreciated, that’s when you should stop and confront your partner. Making too many compromises can lead to you being taken for granted.

In another scenario, your partner may think that they know what’s best for you. That’s where you should disagree, that’s when you shouldn’t compromise. A little selfishness can be necessary because there are things that you will never forgive yourself for compromising for.

Let’s not forget that there are certain principles you should both agree on when you first start your relationship. If your partner asks you, later on, to go against any of these principles, without giving any valid reasons, you should stand your ground.

You should compromise when you are 100% sure that you can live with yourself. Though compromising can be mistaken for being in love, you can’t love someone in a healthy way if you can’t love yourself enough. Only then, your compromises will pay off.

Be careful that a little bit doesn’t turn into too much too late.