UIC ROOTS 2010 FOLIO

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L a i r edit ard O B POEMS I Mean We April Ramona S. Lumantas o You Are T he One But chick P. P eligrin ivo Caut Dawn ll Rose l Amica l Childhood Friend Sit t ie Hannah Jami o rin elig P P. k Daddy’s Girl But chic Omnia Vincit Amo P eachy Cleo F. Dehino Mr. Moon Michelle C. Reancho Ms. Moon Joe Carlo M. Bot o Twilight Yancee Oleo Sunlight Lara Lorrain e Cada Decisions John Marco M. Pit lo h C. Plaza Love vs Infatuation Jan Vaughnce Yris T hy Beauty Beseech Jididah Mandal Day Dream Angelica Villamil Mushroom Queenjellyn P. Labadisos Kyle Ceasar Ian P. Benablo Kabatan-onan Rosell Dawn Caut ivo Pagusre Anak Michael Pagaran In T he Midst Joe Carlo M. Bot o Time Jan Vaughnce Yrish C. Plaza Rain Queenjellyn P. Labadisos For T he Last Time Hanna Lorrain e Gerodias T hanks for Coming Michelle C. Reancho

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ESSAYS h C. Plaza When We Were Happier Jan Vaughnce Yris hael Maquin ta Mic rick Pat Self tic gonis Anta My Against GALLERY Smile Laisa Vina Melne G. Roset e chez Healthy Smile Francis Jacint o San lo Ngisi John Marco M. Pit Untitled Francis Jacint o Sanchez e Waiting Laisa Viina Melne G. Roset aua Mac B. dra San You Can Find Love Everywhere dia Mon nS. Kitty Ayrah Hasmi Lalala Yuriko Yoshida Love T herese May Lim tayao Ang Mga Pis-pis Kag Ang Bao Rey Carl Lon o ill Car en t Oh C’mon Kris Meditation Krist en Carillo tayao Late Napud Ang Allowance Rey Carl Lon

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SHORT ST ORIES et t e T. Palict e A Journey: Not For Long Mary Jan e Boun V. Asuncion Juhn ly Bil Unraveling the Intricacy of Love lo Pit M. co Mar n Sawsawero Joh



Life is so dynamic. It offers us sweet and bitter moments, up and down situations, bright and dull feelings. Sometimes, we focus more on our downfall, fear and anxiety but still, most of us spend our lives hoping and searching for greater happiness, love, peace and contentment. These words sound so romantic, so poignant. We imagine a future far better from what it is now. Every morning, when we open our eyes, we look forward for something bright, something good, and something positive to happen. And, in one way or another, we realize that everyone has one goal in life. And that is to be happy. Happiness and positive outlook in life require the feeling that we are doing more to make ourselves better, doing less to prevent us getting worse, and feeling right about where we are right now. Some of us consider happiness as a state achieved through pain and tears. Some think it is through laughs and smiles. But the truth is, certain conditions must be met before we can create a space in which we can hear that inner voice and find our own unique happiness. The power of habits, inertia and the demands of life seems to be dragging us back into the same ruts we want to escape. But still we struggle in order to achieve the things we see as bright and colorful. To feel happy, it is not enough to have fun with friends and just to share thoughts with others. We also need to feel growth—a sense of learning, of betterment, of advancement, of contribution to the growth of others. This Roots issue expresses ideas and emotions, of different faces of life’s happiness. It is a compilation of a variety of experiences and thoughts. With this, we free ourselves from the things that drag us back to life’s other side of cruelty that cut us to the core. We open our arms to appreciate wonderful things and admire the beauty of life. As you journey on to a bright and joyous feelings carved in literary pieces, may your soul be enlightened and be able to grasp life’s wonderful gift, which is life itself. Michie Mae L. Vallente Literary Editor

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poems

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I MEAN WE

April Ramona S. Lumantas I admired you from the start You easily captured my heart You’re the one I always dreamt of You’re smart, charming, and tough I thought I was the only one My friend noticed you, too And now we’re making fun ‘Coz we always keep an eye on you Whenever we see you passing by We just stare at you and smile If you only knew how much we like you Eager to know anything about you Some say you’re very boring We don’t mind, you’re our blessing You cheer up our gloomy days Your presence alone makes us gay I have nothing more to say But thank you and we’re here to stay Worry not, we’re harmless It’s just that you are our HAPPINESS!!!

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You are the one Butchick P. Peligrino

As my dream ends and I open my eyes I think of you and smile You lift me up when everyone cries Even when away a thousand and more miles Each time I bow and my tears drop You become my handkerchief and pillow at night True friends never bring you down, you are at the top Even when invisible from my sight I jump with much joy and I know you do twice When everything goes wrong I chill out You want me to be like you, thinking wise That’s why you’re someone best to talk with How I wish that we will be together and will jive Then I would kiss and hug you tight You give meaning to my life… “Lord, You are the one.”

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Amical

Rosell Dawn Cautivo I try to be the friend of everybody My heart aches when I don't accommodate them entirely I can't freely say that I am happy for your sorrow also touch me Really I say I'm sorry for the times I have is not clearly as it may be I can't divide, smash, burn nor smudge it for neither can I handle it. At this time my friend I smile for the sodden feelings inside me is soaring The time I have with me my soliloquy Somehow solidify because I hear you say “it's okay� Throughout the runt problems even the big ones still the friendship we have is the richness Thank you buddy for rinsing my problems and together we can build it more successfully.

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Childhood Friend Sittie Hannah Jamil

We are the best of friends Since our childhood days We’re so close to each other That everybody thought We’re more than just friends You cheer me up when I’m sad You make me calm when I’m mad You dry my tears when I cry You lighten my days when it seems so dark And you make my day more than ordinary But, one day you left me Faced each day with difficulty Many times I felt down Encountered sorrow and pain Oh! How I wish you’re still here! Day by day I wait for you Hoping that one day, I’ll see you But it is more than a year And until now, you’re still not here It feels like everything’s unfair What does it all mean? It make me feel so bad I know I’m just not longing for a friend But waiting for someone I love, More than a childhood friend

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Daddy’s girl Butchick P. Peligrino

Tired and helpless I may be Or free and happy like a bee I fly to him and hug him tight be with him the rest of the night

Decision

John Marco M. Pitlo Tiny grain of rice thrown into the sea of sand will you float or sink?

At times I sit on his lap give a sweet and gentle slap As I tease him as an already old man "Your head is bald and you're so ugly" He smiles then as I chuckle We just share our bundle of laugh together And talk about anything under the sun I’m not shy to act like a child When I am with my father ‘Coz he is my daddy And I am his baby I am his girl And I always be a daddy’s girl.

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Omnia Vincit Amor Peachy Cleo F. Dehino

I’m longing for someone who cares To strengthen my weaknesses Somebody who inspires Makes me satisfy Love is not worthy without sacrifice And everybody observes to love someone Fighting for love is not just easy But it made me strong for everything The best comparison is the peek of the mountain Soaring, Reaching To fulfill the horizon Because love conquers all!

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Mr. Moon

Michelle C. Reancho Each night I see you, I can’t help but smile Wasting a minute of stare is all worthwhile With the stars that surround you, what a jocund company! The sight I behold gives me this ecstasy. You continue to be lovely, my moon, my dear Because of that, I fantasize myself to be near Imagining the scenery if I draw close to you It’s next to heaven, there’s no thought of being blue. Yet as I blink, I’m back to reality Many have possessed you, it was not only me This fact really hurts but I don’t want it to show My Mr. Moon in my world is what I absolutely know. As you present yourself, I want to turn off the lights Tune down the world’s volume as long as I might Feel the wind breeze that signals your presence I’ll borrow what my friend said, “Hear me shout through my silence!” I truly adore you, the lone satellite of the living I entrust you my heart that keeps on beating In you I found my bliss and my solitude For your existence, I look to God with gratitude.

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Ms. Moon Joe Carlo M. Boto

Don’t look at me it’s driving me mad Gasping for breath, well I’m still glad I’ll catch every glance that you make For it may be the last that I could take.

Oh now that you are so close to me So close to feel your presence, it’s heavenly You touched me and I thought “Finally!” God has given me His gift and I thank Him eternally.

Don’t talk too much, your voice is my music The words I can’t forget, too much for a lyric A voice that nobody can imitate A voice that only angels can make.

You changed me, I’m sure you don’t know you did Like an angel’s lullaby in a sleeping baby’s crib Well, the moon is indeed enchanting tonight Like you in everyday’s delight.

Again I stared and saw your face So pretty and pleasant as always The beauty I see Is pure simplicity.

I wish I could talk till the end of the day But now, I’m running out of things to say So I’ll end by the line you already know, “I love you” more than I could show.

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Twilight Yancee Oleo

As I sleep in the night and I hold my pillow tight, In my dreams of paradise I see a bright light The light turns to day and the day turns to night but the most perfect scene is when time reaches twilight Its fair ambiance and hue with colors of violet and blue the stars and moon that soar while the sun prepares to roar I feel like I was flying with you hand in hand I wish I was not dreaming For real I am with you in our perfect land If this dream is really true I'd rather sleep forever and be with you In this heavens not too dark and not bright the paradise I've been longing the moment of twilight

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Sunlight

Lara Lorraine Cada Its rays seem to unwind, its calmness is so kind Its warmth touches my skin, its dryness cools within Its rightful place takes place in this redshaped bin O, love smile now, and wish you were in.. No lies, no cries, no singers and twinkle eyes Low colors and little byes Just happy and lesser whines... Your smirk, your laugh, your smile just won't die Your everything and what else will it be.. Just the breeze wins us thee.. Lovely.. your duty, just makes me happyÂ

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Love vs Infatuation Jan Vaughnce Yrish C. Plaza

Love is talked about frequently, but it’s so hard to define Infatuation is similar, where ‘love’ and ‘want’ combine If I ask you the difference between love and infatuation I bet it would take time to answer my question Love is patient, love is kind, we’ve heard these a lot already Infatuation is puppy love, as what others may say There’s a big difference, infatuation: a feeling so light But frankly, you need infatuation to fall in love, right? Infatuation is based on physical attraction A simple emotion weakened by imperfection You become selfish, self-centered, and insecure Infatuation is just a feeling, not even so pure When you’re infatuated, you say “I want you” When you’re in love, you say “I love you” and “I need you”, too Love is unconditional, selfless, and includes sacrificing Love is blind; you don’t even know the reasons why you’re falling Actually, it’s really hard to see the difference in these two And no one has ever said “I infatuate you” If you won’t take this seriously, you’d say that they differ in spelling And it’s like you’re asking the difference between ‘emotion’ and ‘feeling’ I got these definitions from certain people, to and fro But if you ask me what’s my point, I’d answer “I don’t even know”.

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Daydream Angelica Villamil

Whenever I daydream, And daydream I do, In my own secret place, I daydream only of you. I daydream only of you, In a far away land, Only us two, Walking hand in hand. Walking hand in hand, Embracing me tight, Our shadows on the sand, Keeps my heart excite. Keeps my heart excite, Touching your face into mine, Just you and me under the moonlight, Makes my everyday fine.

Thy Beauty Beseech Jididah Mandal

Makes my everyday fine, Where you’re never gone, Be always by my side, From dusk till dawn.

Thy beauty sprang from a mountain high hidden beneath the tide of time. thy beauty beseech beneath mountain high glorious and joyous of thy heart pure from lies.

From dusk till dawn, Where love’s its consistent theme, In this place unknown, Whenever I day dream.

As spring of life thy lie eternal hidden underneath the vast of time preview of thy beauty as mysterious as life underneath that vast thy beauty lies

And whenever I daydream, And daydream I do, In my own secret place, I daydream ONLY OF YOU.

As thee forsake thy nature's love beauty was hidden beneath thy eyes like an old oak tree which trunks had dried thy beauty beseech shall lay eternal though autumn came or spring had gone thy beauty beseech forever shall lie untouched and pure throughout the time.

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om Mushro n P. Labadisos Queenjelly

g again chance of fallin Giving myself a e rain th d en m to se It’s you I choo reach find you out of But somehow I d earth an en t like heav We are far apar y darkest days e you light up m ay I love you becaus on months of M u yo e I once saw ile sm to s on I love you becaus as e you give me re I love you becaus me lies ll te er ev t n’ do I love you, ing feel the fire burn e no one let me calling on e m I love you becaus ep ke o e it’s you wh I love you becaus e me e you stand abov us ca be u yo e I lov y sk shallow beneath on the like a spy e I am not afraid us ca be u yo e lov I dy of love Under the melo the dove th wi ing fly I am ay colors of yesterd Behind the lonely ay aw all it nish You come and ba eryday ppiest person ev Make me the ha ay gr life Don’t make my

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KYLE

Ceasar Ian P. bena

blo

There is this one gir l Whose beauty is lik e a pearl With a face so pretty That of an angel Soft and simple the way she speaks A perfect complem ent to her rosy pink cheeks She is fancy, she is quaint Like an object in Va n Gogh’s paint To her friends I went trying to plea As I try to know, wh o could she be? They answered ba ck with great excitem ent Saying loudly, be it your assignment I reached for her to know her better As I say these words with little despair Hey, hey, may I kn ow your name? She didn’t answer, I felt ashame Oh she is indeed so lovely I think I’m starting to like her badly Then I knew her na me, and it was Kyle So cute, so sweet, I can’t help but sm ile.

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Kabatan-onan Rosell Dawn Cautivo

Sugod sang tiyan si nanay ga atiman Pag lugwa igatasan para pagbagas maamumahan Doon bagas da si Inday suplada sang mga sugo musuway bisan da kang tatay Inom, sigarilyo, haw tong-its amu yang pyagapalit Hahay! Pagkahayahay lupig pa'y magsayaw ng ukay-ukay Oras na masakpan si Inday ikasipgan maraat yang ibati kay pagtuo dili da mauli!

Sang oras na makit-an yang tinuod na kapalaran si Inday mabuntisan yang anak ky way amahan Pagkabagas na problema pagtuo naan daw huli da Hahay! Amu ba gayud yang kabatan-onan doon? Wa day mahimo kay awon da sa si Inday gabasulay da si nanay kay ya problemahay kay si Inday mahimo da na nanay Tungod sang pagbasol ni Inday yaan mulapit kang nanay yang pamilya magdramahay kay si Inday galaong, “SORRY” nanay Amo da gayud doon yaan kabataan dapat ampingan kay laong pa ng katiguwangan “kabataan yang paglaom ng katawhan”

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Kamo pag-atiman ng kamayo pagkabatan-onan dapat dili makasipgan kay kamo importante, haw masaligan.


Pagsure Anak! Michael Pagaran

Pagsure anak! Kung wala tay kwarta Dili pasabot pobre ta Daghang paagi para ikaw makaeskwela Ayaw ibaligya ang imong panti’g bra Sus anak, over kaayo ka! Dawata kining kwarta bunga sa singot ug luha Mas mayo pa walay kaunon ug mamatay sa gutom Kaysa ikaw magmahay sa muabot nga panahon Pagpuyo dira Inday Lingkod diara, day Muingon mamaligya Unya diay mamiya Wala ko minghilak Napuling ra ako Unya ikaw, dali diri ug tabang Kay ako magluto pa

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In the Midst Joe Carlo M. Boto

When things go wrong along the way When it all turns bad and you’re not okay When lights go dim and hopes are gone Remember He’ll stay, the One whose will is done. When pain is felt and tears do fall When actions seem to mean nothing at all When wounds won’t heal and scars don’t fade Just let go of everything but not your faith. When love is lost and hatred springs When you don’t know what tomorrow will bring When the sacrifice leads to nowhere Trust Him ‘bout the road, He’ll take you there. When questions are not answered and cries left unheard When sorrow deeply hurts and you can’t say a word When problems become worse then fury strikes Just say a prayer and come to see what it’s like. So now allow Him to reside in your heart Have faith, rest assured, He’ll never leave you Deepen your relationship with Him starting today Don’t forget, He’s only a prayer away. God will do everything for your sake God will offer anything for you to take It’s all clear now that there’s only one thing He can’t do It’s this candid fact: He can’t stop loving you.

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Time

Jan Vaughnce Yrish C. Plaza time.... what is it they always speak about? since i was little, it's one of the words i learn to say with no doubt not in a statement but often in a question "what time is it?", my usual every-hour reaction if asked for the definition, lots of things enter my mind and it was its real meaning i tried so hard to find as they say, there's always time for everything a time for which you can do just anything a time to sleep and a time to rise a time to act stupid and a time to be wise a time to hold on and a time to let go a time to show your knowledge and a time to say 'i don't know' i've heard this a lot: time heals wouldn't time be the cure if it's the one that kills? i've heard this a lot, too: time flies but why does it slow down when we wait for something nice? whatever time means, i just know it sometimes annoy 'cause it really accelerates when there are moments you enjoy and at some point, time is somewhat unfair 'cause there's more time to be dead than to be alive, i swear well i spent some time in just writing this and my only conclusion: time is our antagonist.

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Rain

Queenjellyn P. Labadisos Flowers in the rain Showers from within Flowers in the rain Captures the beauty of men Flowers in the rain Vanishes the dirt of sin Flowers in the rain Fulfills the promises and dream I am a flower who grows easily Peaceful and grows freely Innocent but strong Cries any song Honest oh so true Takes away your blue I am a flower that is withered When no one cares Dull, awful, full of fears I am a flower that is noticed during rain Because it’s the only season I can say I win

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For the last time Hanna Lorraine Gerodias

You are a sweet dessert that I cannot hide the taste The feelings that give life into my soul You are there in the fatal day of my life, to console, to comfort me and to make me happy I love having you in my life and I’m glad of every moment of my existence I always think of you and in every place where I go you are there You are one of my inspirations in this delirious world and no one can replace you in my heart the way you do I thought that someday I will be with you forever But that would not come true anymore I would not insist myself to love you again I know that it will never be back to the feelings we had once made It hurts me so much that I cannot imagine how we ended this way Thank you for all the laughter and tears we shared And me into your life

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Thanks for Coming Michelle C. Reancho

I noticed that it has been so long Since I wrote a poem or hummed a classical song The used-to-be “me” escaped to enter a fantasy But when you came, you brought me back to my reality. Time passed without giving me a warning I looked calm but on the inside I’m shivering I wanted to step back to reach the door where I want out Just then you came, you taught me not to shout. The noises around, I tried to accommodate them Made them look good in the facet of my life’s gem Yet silence remained special just like way back then Amazed, when you came, I found it in you more often. You may say I brought a difference in you But allow me to proclaim you did change me too Not into another person or a total new one ‘Coz when you came, you reminded me of who I am, who I thought was gone. The words you dedicated served as my wake-up call I rose; I took heed; I was almost bound to fall You’re the least person I expect to do such stuff for me And for all that you’ve done, I’m thanking you wholeheartedly.

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A JOURNEY: NOT FOR LONG Mary Jane Bounette T. Palicte

3:00 am, the wind blew so hard I can barely hear my stereo. Something wasn’t right. I tried to stretch my arm, but I wasn’t able to do it. I slowly opened my fist, but nothing I could feel. My heart beat so fast, I was catching my breath. Then, there was a complete silence, and I started to feel scared. I still tried to move my legs, but I couldn’t. It was so cold, the coldest season I had. The wind still blew so hard, smashed through my windows, and the leaves of the trees whisper like giants. I opened my eyes, but all I can see was shades of white. I know I am awake, but I cannot move. I tried to speak, to scream, but no one could hear me. My heart beat faster and faster, like thunders casting in the heavens. Finally, I quickly pulled myself upward, and found myself sitting on my bed. It was so strange. I looked everywhere, in every corner of my room. Sweat filled my face, still catching my breath. I looked at my hands as if it was the first time that I was able to see them. Then I dried my sweat on my face and turned my lamp on. I was so scared that morning. I took my cell phone beneath my pillow. 30 missed calls, 24 messages, d---n, how could I miss those stuffs. It all came from Christopher. That morning, I was so late for school. I called a taxi and hoped to make it for a quiz. The driver honked his horn and I rushed through the cab. “Good morning miss, not so late for school?” said the driver. “Isn’t it obvious?” I answered with disgust. The driver just smiled at me through the rear mirror of his cab. And I looked at him furiously. The man, wearing a cab driver uniform, tall, with a fair complexion, maybe old enough to still drive a cab for a living. “Can we make it to school in fifteen minutes?” I asked him. He replied, “We can if you will put a smile on your face, maybe the traffic lights will be fascinated by it.” I stubbornly looked at him, holding my mirror and tried not to be annoyed by what he was saying. The street was so busy, a Monday morning for everybody. I looked at my watch from time to time, having a nerve and discomfort. “Are you okay miss?” the driver said. I never answered at all. “If you will just smile, then it will be all alright”. “See that kid out there? Look at him.” Said the driver as he tried to catch my attention. “I’m out in this street for almost 20 years, and I saw many different faces. But there’s one thing that made me realize my worth as a driver, I can always take somebody home, safe and sound.” said the driver as trying to hold back his tears. And then I looked at him, put a little smile on my face and asked him, “Are you happy about it?” He then replied, “Yes.” Then we conversed for a little as we ventured the busy street going to school. Finally, I made it to school, just in time for me to cross the corridor and entered the classroom before my teacher came.

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I am in my third year in business course. My name is Savanna. A shy type of girl, not so tall and quite broad in my perception of life. My parents died in an accident when I was still a kid. I was the only one who survived the tragedy. I was raised by my grandparents in a small town, just adjacent to the church, where I spent most of my time. I am a home buddy, until I decided to walk on my journey alone. Again, I felt strange, something was bothering me, but I cannot figure it out. I was wondering for a little while until I dropped out as I heard Mrs. Guevarra’s voice. “You only have 10 minutes left,” said Mrs. Guevarra in a tiny voice. Mrs. Guevarra is my teacher in Philosophy. A geek, about 50 years old, an old maid and had been teaching for almost 25 years. That’s definitely a rebound on my previous Philo teacher who’s quite timid, mad-looking professor who loved to drop students, or fail them for some unexpected reasons. Well, that’s only my own point of view. “Five minutes everybody,” Mrs. Guevarra said as she was looking at me. “D--n, I missed a lot! Five minutes? I can’t make it,” I said to myself. I tried to think clearly, realizing that I have been daydreaming again. It was so disappointing. Finally, I passed my paper just as Mrs. Guevarra started to murmur for being so slow in doing our quiz. The bell rang. “It was indeed mind breaking work for us today,” I told my seatmate Clarrise. “Yeah, definitely. I wasn’t able to answer the essay part.” Charisse replied in a disappointing voice. We both sighed as we left the classroom. I walked through the lobby, still thinking of what happened to me that dawn. Suddenly, Luda was calling me out of nowhere. Luda was an old friend of mine. We were friends for almost 5 years. He was running towards me. “Hey, are you nuts? Can’t you hear me? I’ve been screaming your name, but still, you never gave a shot. What’s happening to you?” Luda said with despair. I looked at him, and replied, “I hear you, I just don’t want to look back.” “Have you seen Christopher?” Luda sighed and never answered. “He was calling me last night, but I was asleep. I wondered what he’s up to.” Christopher was my boyfriend for 6 months. He was a senior student. He took law, for it was a desire of his parents for him. He was a typical guy, a boy next door. Good looking, 5’9 tall and a sweet guy. We met in a basketball game; he’s a guard for our school basketball team. Quite the envy of everybody. We dated a lot after that night and finally decided to hook up. We were a happy couple. I can say we really were. After my class, he always took me home. We spent time a lot and just so in love with each other. “Hi baby,” a voice interrupted between me and Luda. I looked back so quickly and saw Christopher bringing a dozen of pink roses. It was so overwhelming to see him that day. It felt like all my despair was gone. It indeed eased my heart. I felt so fine. “I thought something bad happened to you, where have you been?” I

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told him with a sweet smile. “Not for long to see you, not too long to make it up to you.” he said as he was holding my hand. “Better to hear that from you.” I replied. “I miss you a lot,” he said. I just smiled at him and tried not to break the lines. Luda, just a few steps away from us, left and never said a thing. I looked at him at a distance and hoped he would look back again and wave goodbye. But he never did. Summer was fast approaching, and Christopher was graduating soon. He will leave town for his review. His parents decided to send him to the States to prepare him better for his bar exam. We quite talked about it. We even planned to get married after I finish my studies. And time flew so fast...he was about to go. And the day came. He’s leaving for a year. For me not to be hurt a lot I decided not to go with him to the airport. The first month of his stay in the states was so hard for the both of us. But we kept our communication as tough as we can to not just miss each other a lot. After five months, I never heard anything about him anymore, and it hurt a lot. He never kept his promise, the promise he made that I still hold to myself. A year after he left, I finally graduated. Still, no Christopher was home. I still waited for him, and keeping my faith that one day, he’ll come back to me and marry me. One day, I opened my email, and found a letter from him. I didn’t know what to do, I was in extreme pain. He married there, and decided not to return home again. I felt so empty and desperate. I ran towards the kitchen and grabbed a knife. My mind was empty, all I could think of was to end my life and die with so much pain, so as to end it all up. I cried a lot, screamed at the tip of my lungs, and selflessly loose myself. It felt like thousand knives that were pinched into my body, injuring my soul and my whole being. “What can be the worst thing than this?!” I screamed. I trusted him, and gave him everything I could. I swore to him, in any means possible that I would hold on to him, no matter what happened. But he failed me. He was nothing but a nightmare; words couldn’t express how much pain he caused. He destroyed everything. Everything we built together.

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A year later, after what happened between me and Chris, I decided to make the most of my time as a volunteer in an orphanage. It helped me a lot in exploring new world, and a new beginning of my journey. One day, as I crossed the street, a man in long sleeves with a tie, was waiting for a cab in the intersection. I stopped, stared at him, and started to feel the pain again. It was him, the man I still wanted to see for a very long time. Suddenly, he recognized me as well. With his surprise, he ran towards me. “Stop!” I screamed. Suddenly, I saw him lying on the floor, with blood all over his body. I cannot move from my place. A cab driver rushed towards the incident and helped the wounded man. He carried the man into his cab. I ran towards the cab too. “Please, get us into the hospital as fast as you


could” I cried in despair. “I promise to help you save your man, miss, just trust me” replied the cab driver. As we reached the ER, Christopher spoke in an agonizing voice. “Sav, I’m so sorry for what I’ve done between us. It was a mistake, and I had no choice.” “Forgive me, until now, I am hoping for your forgiveness. I never called for I was afraid that I’ll change my mind.” “Baby, you were still the one I still wish to spend my life forever.” “It’s done, and we both learn from it. Hush now, be strong” I whispered in his ear. “Sav, will you still give me a chance if I could still live?” Chris said with so much pain. “Everything happens for a reason, and if that will be the case, you will be the reason of my new journey, again.” I spoke with a smile on my face. Luda came in the hospital as fast as he could. “Sav, are you okay?” Luda said. “Yeah. Thanks for coming. I don’t know how to thank you for all the things you’ve done for me. I’m happy to know that you love me” I replied. Luda gave a smile, and wiped my tears away. “I am always here, you just don’t bother to realize” Luda said as he hugged me. The cab driver, who looked very familiar to me said, “Miss, if you can still remember what I told you, it’s my happiness to take home someone safe and sound.” “Now, can I take you home so you can rest for a while?” “Come ‘on Sav, you must take a rest, I’ll stay to keep you updated, I promise.” Luda said. “Okay, just don’t leave him here. Thank you Luda.” I replied. “I will Sav” Luda said. The next morning, Luda came in my house so early. “Sav, there’s something you need to know, Chris passed away. And he wanted you to have to this.” Luda said. He gave me an envelope with a letter inside and a small jewellery box. I opened the envelope and read Chris’ message, dated 5 months after he left the country. “Dear Sav, I know it was quite painful for what I decided to do. It was a choice, and I gave you up. I know that it will be hard for you to accept my apology, and I accept that. Sav, even though I decided to end it all up, my love for you remained. I’m sorry for breaking your heart, and for the pain I caused you. Now that I know I cannot be with you, I wish in the heavens all the happiness they can have for you. I love you Sav, and I long to see you soon.” The box he gave me contained the engagement ring we both loved so much. I held it so tight and cried. Then I said to myself, “I have been loving you Chris, and that will remain forever in my heart.” “Now I know the reason why it has to be this way.” I told Luda with a tear in my eyes. After the incident, I continued being a volunteer and traveled from place to place. I still keep the promise Chris made to me. I know someday, we’ll be seeing each other again. And I continue living my life with happiness, as what he wanted to have for me. I know I was tougher now, and He helped me to see more wonderful things, beyond what I expected. I had forgiven him. Its going to be another journey for me now.

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Unraveling the Intricacy of Love Billy Juhn V. Asuncion

In an argument that we had, the only three-word phrase that was left to me to save this relationship was “I love you”, the phrase which I thought could erase all the walls between us that were built because of the issues of trust, respect, and promises. However, I was wrong. Beyond any doubt, I was mistaken by saying those words when she asked me, “what is love?” I remained silent and insensible. I remained so dumb of the simple question. How can I answer her? How can I tell her that I have no words to answer her question? How can I instill in myself that I’m on the verge of losing her just because of the question my stupid mind can’t answer? Then, between the two of us in the busiest street in the city, there was just a deep silence. Finally, I told her my last words: “I don’t know the answer”. Hurtful as it was, I just let the tears fell from my eyes and certain to give up this relationship, turned my back away from her and bade goodbye. It was the most disconcerted moment in my life. I was bemused between two things- the fact that I will lose the one I truly love and the reality that I don’t know how to go back to her just because I don’t know how to find the answer. I went home with the feeling of not being at home, there’s no home. I laid down on my bed to reflect on what happened. I pretended to rest though I know I’m immensely weary. I closed my eyes and stopped crying though I know my heart is ruthlessly bleeding. What can I do? Nothing. I know that I have already inured my mind that love must be painful for it to be sweet. But I realized that no matter how frequent you condition yourself to pain, it’s still called pain when it happens.

Unconsciously, I fell asleep.

In a sudden, I woke up in the middle of the dawn still unconsciously lying. A simple thought just came to me that made me cry for the last time, she’s gone. Simple as it may seem but hard to accept. Well, that’s life: just a matter of

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acceptance. This is love: very complicated, hard to understand. At that moment, I was resolute to unravel the intricacy of love. And the only idea to do such and to end the inanity is to MOVE ON… and I did. I faced the same me in front of the mirror telling myself that I should be ready to step out from the misery that I had. Time quickly passed, and steadily I’m forgetting the pain. It actually comes to the point of losing my memories with her and completely forgets her even the question she left me. I have already learned to live a better life even without her beside me, she actually taught me to do so. I’ve done many things and met different people and got acquainted with them. Accidentally, by doing this, I’ve gotten to feel another weird feeling for someone. My heart says I’m falling in love again, but my mind says I’m not. And I vehemently agree to what my mind says. I should not fall in love again unless I already know the answer to the question I once forgot. I went back to the question and tried to ponder on it all over again. After the painful breakup, honestly, I actually didn’t find the answer to her question; instead I find the reason why I can’t answer it. I just simply realized the reason why it’s so hard to find an answer to the question, and it was simply because it’s beyond reason. The world has various definitions of love- from the profound understanding in logic up to the depth of thoughts of our critical minds. Lots. We know them. Yet, all of us don’t actually know what it is. As a matter of fact no one can and should contend to someone about this complicated matter because nothing is to be explained what it is. Love should not be explained. Love is supposed to be felt and shown. Now, I might not have unraveled the tie nor simplified the intricacy, but one thing is definite, I know what to do if I’ll be asked by the same question again.

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Sawsawero John Marco M. Pitlo

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Sa buhay, ang mga sawsawero o yung mga nakikisali sa buhay natin ay nakakainis, nakakairita at minsan nakakawalang respeto pero di natin alam tayo ay nakikisawsaw na rin pala sa buhay ng iba. Pero hindi lahat ng sawsawero ay nakakainis. Ako si Juan, isang karaniwang estudyante. Gumagawa ako ng projects kapag malapit na ang deadline at nagca-cramming din. “Naku, lagot!” sinabi ko sa sarili ko. “Mamaya na pala ang deadline ng scrap book project namin”. Pumunta ako ng silid aklatan para doon gawin ang project ko kaso bawal daw magdala ng pang-gupit at pandikit kaya lumipat na lang ako sa isang classroom nang napadaan ang guard. Kinuha ang I.D. ko kasi bawal daw ang tumambay sa loob ng classroom kapag walang klase. “Patay, nakalimutan kong bawal nga pala!” galit kong sinabi sa sarili. “Saan ko kaya gagawin tong project ko?” Tanong ko sa sarili. “Hindi din naman pwede sa study hall kasi wala nang pwesto.” nalilitong sinabi sa sarili. Wala akong choice kung hindi ang pumunta sa canteen. Ayaw ko pa naman pumunta doon kasi napaka-ingay ng mga tumatambay doon pero kailangan kong tapusin to, no choice eh. Madaming tao pagdating ko sa canteen. Sa sobrang pressure sa deadline, hindi na ako nahiyang humanap ng makakahati sa upuan. “Excuse me, pwede makitabi?” paggalang na sinabi ko sa dalawang babaeng nakaupo. “Wala na kasing bakante, kailangan ko lang talagang tapusin itong scrap book ko eh” sabi ko. “Sure, sige tabi ka lang” sabi ng babae. Sinimulan ko kaagad gumawa ng scrap book. Hindi pa ako nakakalahati sa aking ginagawa ay ginutom ako kaya bumili ako ng french fries. Binalikan ko ang paggawa ng scrap book habang kumakain ng french fries na sinawsaw sa ketcup. Habang abala sa paggawa ng scrap book, napansin kong tinatawanan ako ng mga katabi ko. “Bakit nyo ako pinagtatawanan?” mahinahon kong tinanong sa kanila. “Ang cute mo naman, ‘di mo namalayan na sa ketchup ka na namin nakikisawsaw ng french fries mo” patawang sabi ng babae. “Masyado ka kasing abala sa paggawa ng project mo” dagdag ng kaibigan niya. “Naku! Pasensya na, ‘di ko namalayan” nahihiya habang sinasabi ko. Nagpatuloy ako sa paggawa ng scrap book habang nahihiya sa mga katabi ko. Sa sobrang hiya, napagkamalan kong french fries yung lapis. Nagtawanan na naman sila. “Nakakatawa ka naman, tulungan ka na lang namin sa project mo” sabi ng babae. “Naku, nakakahiya naman sa inyo” sabi ko. “Nakikiupo na nga ako at nakisawsaw pa sa ketchup ninyo” dagdag ko. “Ok lang yun” sabi nila. Natapos din sa wakas ang scrap book ko! “Salamat sa inyo...” sabi ko. “Umm, ano nga pala pangalan ninyo?” tanong ko. “Ako si Joyce at siya naman si Inday” sabi ng babae. “Salamat sa inyong dalawa at natapos na rin ang project ko” masayang sinabi ko. “Alis na ako, ipapasa ko pa itong scrap book” sabi ko. “Sige, hanggang sa susunod na pagkikita... Juan” sabi ni Inday. Masaya akong umalis ng canteen habang nagtataka kung bakit alam ni Inday ang pangalan ko.


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When We Were Happier Jan Vaughnce Yrish Plaza

Back then, I was so eager to finally grow up. Now, as I tried to look back, I somehow wish I didn’t lose my innocence. When I was little, I can’t wait to turn twelve so I could take medicines in tablets or capsules. I can’t wait for the time when my parents would stop saying “you’re too young” in doing certain things. I can’t wait for the moment when I would be allowed to go to certain places all by myself, and to make decisions without asking my parents first. Now, I’m sixteen— with more freedom, less obedience. I’m matured physically and emotionally, and probably more aware of the things happening in this ironic world. I could already think and stand up for myself. However, there are certain things I had long forgotten, and I bet you did, too: Life was so much better when our worries were just when lunch break was over and we’d surely be scolded by our moms because we didn’t have enough time to finish eating; only lost toys brought tears; pain meant wounded knees; decisions were made through eenie meenie miney mo; and things would turn right side up in just a single “sorry” because we choose friendship over pride. We feel so safe because we think our guardian angels are always beside us. We believe in promises just because of pinky swears. We were so much happier when rainy days meant playing in the rain, and all we cared about were toys, games, and having fun. We appreciated life even if we didn’t have any laptops and cellphones.

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Most of all, we used to think that goodbyes only meant “see you tomorrow”.


Now, we know what fantasy or reality is. We can distinguish right from wrong, yet we continue doing wrong because we want to have things our way. We judge others with the way they appear when in fact we didn’t even mind if we looked so untidy when we were kids. Accepting forgiveness is not easy anymore because we somehow want others to suffer for the things they’ve done. Nothing could brighten up our days, not even candies, except for the people we love. Before, we treasure our best friends more than anybody else. Now, falling for your best friend seems to be so hard. We start to care what others may think, and being left-out hurts so much because we already stopped talking to dolls and the company of our teddy bears are no longer enough. We complain about the sunny weather, but when we were little, we manage to play outside and have fun despite the intense heat. When we were younger, we follow rules because we fear punishment. Now, we break the rules and punishment would only make us break the rules even more…. There are things, experiences, or even people, that didn’t exist in our childhood which made life more bearable this time. And no mater how innocent or liberated we are, we still can’t decipher what life truly means…. Yes, children think everything is possible. Dare to become a child once again.

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Against my antagonistic self Patrick Michael Maquinta

My life is full of frailties and failures in the past, and I’m not so sure if this will go on in the future. I’m always tormented by my acts that are futile and illogically manipulative. I’m in oblivion and lost, and enlightenment from reality seems unattainable. My self, my antagonistic self--the one that discourages me when I thought my action will not put a difference at all, the one that don’t want to move on and start again, the self that frightens me when a task given is hard, the self that neglects optimism, the self that is so timid and selfish, the self that wants escape--all comprise the opposing voices and feelings against what I should achieve and what I should become. Uncertainty and anxiety covers my life because of my antagonistic self, making it a predicament to success, happiness and satisfaction in life. Life is really tough, so incomprehensible, full of mystery. Even the daily lessons and experiences can’t explain all the events in life. The uncertainty in life and the doubt of real happiness, the doubt of what will happen next and how to survive in this world all entangles my antagonistic self. It really ravages my deeper senses and emotions, affecting every corner of what I think, feel, perceive and act. Yet despite all these, I still find a hope that there is still salvation in this world of anxiety and its better if it will start in spite of my antagonistic self. It’s a substantial effort for me to discover myself--the reasons for my guilt, my unreasonable passions, inspirations and realizations, decisions right then and there, the willingness to fight temptation and be humane as much as possible. It’s my way of discovering my weakness and strength, realizing boundaries, focusing on the positive and appreciating small yet transcending capabilities. Sometimes, it is needed to venture out of your world just to know who you are, for it is hard if you are trapped and lost within yourself. Sometimes, we need to face painful realities than continue believing in beautiful lies, fight when it is worth fighting, or accept defeat when it seems the fight is not ours anymore. Discovering myself and making the best out of it is my way of defeating my antagonistic self. Knowing what to do based on past experiences, gaining enough confidence when fear interferes, fighting temptation or any factor that will lead to my destruction or self-pity in the end, doing all your best despite the chances of making a difference is small, accepting reality-all comprise my willingness to overcome my antagonistic self, be happy in the midst of any ordeal and satisfied for whatever costs. Someday, all the illogical things happening to me will come to an end. My life will be complete and I can’t ask for more. As of now, I’m suffering for all the uncertainties and adversaries, having a fight against my antagonistic self. Yet time will come that I will be the happiest person I could ever imagine, and I’m looking forward for that moment to come.

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Smile

Laisa Vina Melne Rosete

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photography


Healthy Smile Francis Jacinto Sanchez photography

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Ngisi

John Marco M. Pitlo photography

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Untitled

Francis Jacinto Sanchez photography

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Waiting

Laisa Vina Melne G. Rosete photography

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You Can Find Love Everywhere Sandra B. Macaua photography

Kitty

Ayrah Hasmin Mondia digital art

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Lalala

Yuriko Yoshida digital art

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Love

Therese May Lim mixed media

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Ang Mga Pis-pis Kag ang Bao Rey Carl Lontayao mixed media

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Oh c’mon

Kristen Carillo pencil

meditation

Kristen Carillo pencil

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Late Napud ang Allowance Rey Carl Lontayao ballpen

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