5:01
morning, izzy...! DRAG YOURSELF OUT OF BED AND get going!
RISE AND SHINE!!
hola, MY LOVE.
OKAY, tío Tony... I’M OUTTA HERE!
lara just pulled up outside.
ME... FUCK...
HOW THE HELL CAN IT ALREADY BE MORNING..?
LORD.
TODAY YOU’LL BE A ROCK STAR!
ARE YOU READY FOR your BIG DAY..?
¡Nos vemos!
get ready before she honks that horn and wakes up the neighbors!
AND THANK YOU FOR BREAKFAST.
I LOVED IT.
BEFORE YOU GO...
IZZY...
5
SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR MOM.
now.
but... lara’s going to start honking her horn and...
okay.
i have this fantasy every now and then.
one i’m not too proud of.
i walk into my mother’s room... like i have a million times...
but i have it, nonetheless.
and instead of seeing her in her current condition...
and my mother is dead and buried.
her room is empty.
hola, mami.
6
the dream should fIll me with sadness.
my mother used to beam with a light so bright, my father used to say that we never needed candles in our home... because if the lights ever went out, we had her to illuminate the room. my father used to call her his living antidepressant. I can’t remember them ever having a fIght. Ever.
the only problem is... i’m still here. And every day i’m reminded of what i’ve lost since that shooting.
because it would mean that this whole fucking nightmare is fInally over.
but instead, i feel.... relieved.
that all ended with a trip to the mall a year ago. Papi wanted to to get her something nice for an anniversary gift.
the car-jacking occured in the parking garage. they shot my papi three times... once in the head. all for a car.
i desperately want to move past all this... of having a dead father and a ghost for a mother. mi tio tony came to live with us and i love him for that...
7
mami lost her mind. she moved everything that reminded her of him up to the attic. his photos... his music... his entire world. all in an effort to escape her pain.
and when that didn’t work, mi madre retreated into herself and she disappeared into her mind. i haven’t seen my parents since.
but i fear he’ll be taken away from me like everyone else.
Tom Beland presents:
it’s another year of high school.
summer has ended and all the couples have split up and started forming new relationships to help survive the coming year.
8
i’m not into survival romance.
i’d rather run home, get in bed and sleep the year away.
i have to give a demonstration on something i’m passionate about in life.
dynastinae... or what’s commonly known as the rhino beetle.
for me... it’s beetles. like my favorite here.
i hate school... how i’m expected to perform and behave like all the other kids i’ve been locked in here with... like robots in assembly. none of these people have gone through what i have this past year... and yet, i’m expected to behave the way i was before the shooting. they now look at me like i’m weird.
the more i try to act like nothing’s wrong with me, the more i can feel their judgments invading my personal space. i feel like i don’t know who the hell i’m supposed to be here... the pretty girl who used to be happy and carefree...
i feel like they see me as someone to be pitied. and that really turns my stomach inside out.
or should i just be honest with them... like, really honest... about how completely alone i feel in this stupid building..? how i feel that everything you can love in the world can be taken away from you in a heartbeat.
they see me as the girl who lost her mind and lets giant bugs crawl over her. So i keep talking about my beetle until my time is up.
9
I’m the sad chica who is in desperate need of a hug... which makes me feel pathetic.
afterwards, a classmate of mine, angel munoz, asks me... i’ve never held a beetle before... may i..?
sure! don’t worry... it won’t bite you... i’ve been collecting them for years. i think they’re amazing.
i think it likes you.
really..?
that’s a shame.
you... you asshole..!!
jeez... calm down, already.
10
it was a bug. get over it...
freak.
what the hell is your problem, angel?!
¡estás cabrón!
mira... she really liked that bug. what... you feeling sorry for the bug lady..?
well... no... but angel...
whatever.
she’s into all that bug shit just so she can get attention. girls in this school will do anything to get noticed by a guy. fucking pathetic.
11
don’t want people stepping on your pet..?
get a dog.
tomorrow she’ll fInd another way to get some...
angel.. look out!!
what’s your—
to end a that was a living creature, you what the life like pathetic piece fuck gives that..?? of shit... you the right..
like it was nothing..??
it was something!!
it was something!! oh-oh... teachers are coming..
dios...
it was something!!
oh, crap... it was just getting good!
they look pretty pissed.
it was something!! get... unff!!... off of him... young lady..!
¡bendito! she fIghts like a wild animal!!
hey!!
stop that at once!!
stupid puta.. she’s lucky i didn’t...
...
12
get off that boy!!
you’re lucky isabel didn’t kill you, cabrón.
there’s nothing more humiliating than sitting in the principal’s offIce.
maybe i can give him my side of the story fIrst.
okay, so why am i here..?
tony... your niece beat a boy up during lunch.
if that’s what he did, then it sounds like he deserved to get his ass kicked.
until I see tio tony’s car pull up in the parking lot.
he lives for that place. he hates to be pulled away from it. i’m dead for sure.
okay... maybe not.
hola, tío...
coño...
because...
beat up a...? izzy... is this true..? why would you...
why am i not surprised you would say that..? you haven’t changed a bit, antonio.
shit... they called him in from the restaurant? there’s no way this can end well for me.
...
sigh..
he killed my beetle.
that beetle meant the world to her, hector. how would you feel if i came over to your house and shot your fucking dog..? the guy was an asshole. go after HIM.
listen here...
13
c’mon, izzy...
we’re outta here.
don’t worry about it.
i’m sorry you got called in from the restaurant.
thanks for understanding. and thanks for what you said back there.
am i mad that some idiot was an asshole to you..? i hate it when anything bad happens to you.
you mad..?
i meant what i told him...
i was your age when your mom and i lost our parents.
but i’m going to be honest with you, izzy... if you’re starting to go all loca on me... i need to know. like... now.
let’s just not make this a regular thing, okay...? i don’t care about leaving the restaurant, it’s not about that....
I became a pretty angry guy. I’d beat up anyone who looked at me funny.
trust me, tío... you’d be the fIrst person i’d tell if i were losing it.
i know... it sort of just happened.
rage can do that to a person, izzy.
eventually, i fIgured out how to control my anger. i’m actually embarrassed at how i was back then.
okay... it’s just that... i can’t handle losing someone else. so... if you need to talk, i’m here. no judgment.
14
it’s part of loving you, izzy.
i never had anyone to talk to during those times... i never want you to feel that alone. ever. i can’t stress that enough.
El Morro.
there is no other choice... i have to get into m.i.t. my dad went there... his dad went there... every dad since cavemen have gone there.
crown jewel of puerto rico.
tourists fLock to this historic monument in droves every day.
so if i don’t go there... i fuck up our lineage.
you should just tell your dad that you want something else with your life.
you’ve met my father, izzy... he’d kill me. i’m not going to college.
ughh... this whole you don’t college thing..? i get it... know you’re totally in love with it.
but for me and my friends...
thing is... i don’t want to go to m.i.t.
i’ve been doing this school bullshit my entire life. i plan on spending the rest of it seeing what’s out there. i want to explore the world and live.
that’s fIne.
i want to go into music. fuck m.i.t.
it takes money to explore the world, isabel... how do you expect to afford it..?
college isn’t a guarantee, jon.
izzy...
but i feel just the exact opposite way.
i want to get the hell out of the educational system as fast as possible.
15
it’s our own playground.
i’m done with being summed up by a grade.
my father says without college, you can only get a minimum-wage job.
jose graduated with honors... but how did that help him in life..?
jose perez went to college. he now works at taco maker.
i’m not going to bust my ass for a degree that can only take me to taco maker.
he owes $35,000 in loans... and even if he fIles for bankruptcy, it won’t erase that debt. the interest is 14%... he can’t pay it off.
you’d think i’d get better service at i’m not taco maker if he marrying you needed money if you owe that that bad. much money.
it’s about them and the it’s not banks making like that anymore. your father education has become a money off our dreams. grew up in a different profIt-based industry. era, lara. he could use it’s not about molding his degree when he young minds... got out of school.
i want to go out fuck college. there and discover and fuck being handed a diploma and a payment things. i want to leave my mark on this book that will never island. go away.
like... remember those stories about the secret catacombs that are supposed to be under el morro..?
why aren’t we trying to solve mysteries because like that..? we’re high..? stahp...
screw working at taco maker... jon, do you still have that rope in your car..? yeah!
no!
okayy!! go and get it.
be right back!!
16
nooo... yup! izzy...
oh, i’m sooooooo doing this, lara.
get back up here!!
okay... this may have been a stupid decision.
don’t let it break!
see anything yet..??
i can’t see... unff... anything...
i can either fall into the ocean, or go splat against the rocks.
i guess it was all bullsh—
just don’t let go of the rope, isabel...
?
17
i’m going in!!
i found something! so help me GOD, jon... if she goes in that—
shit... i so hate this side of isabel! doesn’t matter if it’s the wrong thing to do... she’ll just go ahead and do it.
she’s not going to go in by herself, lara...
goddammit... if she dies because you gave her that stupid rope...
why am i to blame for this??
so... how long do we stay and wait for her..?
what do you mean “how long do we wait for her?” we wait for her until she comes back out!!
hey!! I’m the one holding the bag of weed!! pardon me for being worried!
wow. these tunnels... they go on forever..!
what is it about dark places that makes me want to curl up in a ball and fall asleep..?
i’ve always been drawn to the things other people run away from. weird shit.
18
lara must be freaking out right about now. bendito...
sometimes i need a break from everyone worrying about me.
... great. it’s offIcially BEEN an hour since she went in there.
you’re worried.
instead of thinking of the worst-case scenario... let’s try something rational like calling her..
i can’t help it.
... the hell is the exit to this place..?
quit giving me the stink-eye.
okay...i get it.
cell phone.
keep giving me that look and i swear to god i’ll beat you to death with this phone.
that’s my friend down there.
coño, izzy... why did you have to go so far into these tunnels..?
i can’t fInd the original entrance i used to get in.!!
tio tony is going to kill me if i don’t die here fIrst.
i think i got myself turned around somewhere...
19
just stay calm... whatever you do... keep your sanity...
if i follow the breeze... it should lead me out to safety..
i can smell fresh air, so i must be close to an exit..!
then i’ll gladly let lara yell at...
20
...
ouch.
21